1st - Adie Pena with:
Dangerous obesity =
One boy's sugar diet.
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The religious fanatics =
Cause I fight is not real.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The religious fanatics ~
fight tenacious Israel.
View with:
Grandma's chicken noodle soup =
Damn good lunch recipe; ask son!
David Bourke with:
A smile costs nothing =
That lesson is coming!
Ed Pegg Jr with:
New resolution: carp at ~
nuclear power station.
View with:
No way in hell! =
Wholly inane!
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Internet and Society =
A non-secret identity.
Rosie Perera with:
Free Wireless Internet =
We listeners interfere!
Tyler Severance with:
Work bonuses =
Our boss knew.
Tyler Severance with:
Highest peak =
The ski gap, eh?
Jason Lofts with:
Death Star scenario =
Consider as a threat!
Christopher Sturdy with:
I often look up big new words in the dictionary =
Before I go 'I don't know any', I consult with pride.
Jason Lofts with:
Islamisation =
Assimilation.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Chocolate happiness =
Cocoa helps the pains!
Maurice Goddard with:
Parasitic worm infestations =
I note it's worst in Africa's map.
Tyler Severance with:
All in the wrist =
Stellar within.
Christopher Sturdy with:
She said she didn't sin ~
and he insists she did!
Maurice Goddard with:
Marriages of convenience ~
give one farces in romance
Maurice Goddard with:
Hanging the washing out to dry on a clothes line? =
Gosh! A logical thing to do in sunny weather then?
Dharam Khalsa with:
The famous idiom: 'To jump to conclusions' =
Compulsion of a mind: 'Oh, it just comes out!'
Dharam Khalsa with:
The essential rules of grammar =
English laureates master form.
Ellie Dent with:
Snow, ice and rain =
A wind races on in.
Adie Pena with:
Snow, sleet and ice =
I sensed a low -Ten°C.
Julian Lofts with:
We obsess that we are all going to die, no? =
Await a lesson on the website 'Dr Google'
Rosie Perera with:
Violent extremism ~
mixes evil, torment.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The categorical denial =
Lie and cheat; I got clear.
Simon the Samaritan with:
Solitary confinement =
Or, manifestly not nice.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Suffer the little children =
Enter the Christ, fulfilled.
nedesto with:
Confinement to a federal penal facility =
Lonely feral men anticipated affection.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Winter is upon us =
Pursue snow in it.
Dean Mayer with:
With terror among us =
our worst nightmare
Jesse Frankovich with:
Irrational ideologies =
Ideal root is a religion.
Jullian Lofts with:
The religious fanatics ~
harass foe, incite guilt.
Rosie Perera with:
Crime scene photographer =
Then crop her corpse image.
Rosie Perera with:
The religious fanatics =
Our teaching -- it is false.
Ellie Dent with:
Outstanding =
Giant donuts!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The religious fanatics =
Teaching satire is foul!
Jason Lofts with:
Vigilante justice =
Jungle activities.
Rosie Perera with:
Reading between the lines =
Bet we'd see hint in general.
Maurice Goddard with:
Radicalism's intolerant ~
ill trains demoniac rats
Rosie Perera with:
The redaction of declassified documents =
Ad hoc modifications deleted fun secrets.
Christopher Sturdy with:
It's a blessing in disguise =
Git's ailing business dies.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Is disabling geniuses ~
a blessing in disguise?
Tony Crafter with:
Herman: 'We shall be friends until we get old and senile.'
~
Nellie (amused): 'And we'll also then be new friends - right?!!
Hans-Peter Reich with:
Helicopter mom =
Polemic mother.
Ivan Andonov with:
Grandmother =
Don’t ‘gram her!
Maurice Goddard with:
Stew long-faced in ~
feeling downcast!
nedesto with:
Throw hands =
Thrash down.
1st - Jason Lofts with:
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards =
Shrill geriatric into drugs takes no shit.
2nd -Jesse Frankovich with:
Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens =
Viewers (space freaks) to await in hordes.
Eq3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Golden Raspberry Awards Foundation =
Profoundly bad genre; I award no stars.
Eq3rd - Julian Lofts with:
La Dolce Vita star Anita Ekberg died =
Attractive and desirable, like a god.
nedesto with:
Peter R. Jackson's The Battle of the Five Armies =
The movie effects sap JRR Tolkien's heartbeat!
Jason Lofts with:
Maori martial arts movie 'The Dead Lands' =
It's a violent drama, a 'Die Hard' maelstrom!
Julian Lofts with:
Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens =
So overpraised. Ha, in fact we saw it reeks!
Ellie Dent with:
A Turner masterpiece =
Men treasure epic art.
Maurice Goddard with:
Delia Smith's Complete Illustrated Cookery Course =
Drool to real lush yummiest delicate stock recipes!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Delia Smith's Complete Illustrated Cookery Course =
Super tome - all set to make delicious dish correctly.
Adie Pena with:
The twenty-four hour news channel =
They now see the hurtful war on CNN.
Adie Pena with:
The bassist Sir Paul McCartney =
Beatles music isn't trashy crap.
Tony Crafter with:
Bradley Cooper as Kyle in the movie 'American Sniper'=
Slick. Moreover, an Oscar may be ready in the pipeline?
Dharam Khalsa with:
Discovery Channel's epic "Alaska: The Last Frontier" =
The Kilchers and pals face scenarios on reality TV.
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Mitt Romney bows out =
Bye to U.S. Mormon twit.
Eq2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Charlie Hebdo artist =
I bother the radicals.
Eq2nd - Adie Pena with:
"Paris est Charlie" ~
is rather special.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Surabaya, Indonesia =
As I sob, "Nary an Adieu."
Julian Lofts with:
Jeb Bush clears the decks for a presidential run =
Censure this brain-dead (bleep) jerk/fat churl. SOS!
Adie Pena with:
It's the year Two Thousand and Fifteen =
Hint of a new day for the United States.
Julian Lofts with:
Those cheap disreputable Indonesian airlines =
Pilots radio in, crash in the deep blue sea - insane!
Julian Lofts with:
Rage behind ~
Gandhi beer.
David Bourke with:
Charlie Hebdo magazine, Paris =
A big open Islamic hazard here.
nedesto with:
Satirical French newspaper Charlie Hebdo =
Can the rabid war on free speech chill Paris?
Adie Pena with:
The currently widespread slogan: "Je Suis Charlie" =
A hip cry: "We're slaughtered silenced journalists."
Jason Lofts with:
Je suis Ahmed =
Jehad misuse.
Adie Pena with:
Many mention, ~
"Not In My Name!"
Rosie Perera with:
Fake email contains malware =
Malefaction's like a mean war.
Simon the Samaritan with:
Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg nets millions =
Note: Loner czar makes big bucks from "likes."
Rosie Perera with:
Americans pout at ~
a "storm in a teacup."
Simon the Samaritan with:
Self-proclaimed Islamic State =
Massacre-filled meta-politics.
Rosie Perera with:
Hero Lassana Bathily to become a French citizen =
That macho liaison conceals baby in the freezer.
Julian Lofts with:
The religious fanatics =
A Herculean gift to ISIS.
Rosie Perera with:
The religious fanatics ~
out facing the Israelis.
Maurice Goddard with:
Caricature drawings of the Arab prophet Mohammed =
Comic hero with a head turban prompts mad rage fear!
Rosie Perera with:
Sudden death from prolonged computer gaming =
Man slumped there from enduring at PC. Good God!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Pope says Catholics should not breed 'like rabbits' =
His behest appears liberal, but looks odd to cynics.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Pope says Catholics should not breed 'like rabbits' =
Boss has told couples to replace risky habit in bed.
Rosie Perera with:
The International Year of Light =
Faintly ethereal Orion at night.
Rosie Perera with:
Measles outbreak in California =
Mark area's inoculation beliefs.
View with:
Haruna Yakuwa, the Japanese hostage killed by ISIS =
Pay us! Ah, say what? Ain't joke. A killer uses beheading!
Dharam Khalsa with:
People who travel with no measles vaccinations =
Viral menace, so we'll postpone the vacation wish!
Dharam Khalsa with:
U.S. Winter Storm Juno =
It's just our new norm.
Adie Pena with:
U.S. Northeast Winter Storm Juno Forecast =
Jesus! Tons of snow; then traumatic terror!
Julian Lofts with:
Anniversary of Auschwitz =
Nazis shun veracity of war.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Anti-austerity Syriza have won the Greek elections =
I state that they gravely weaken Euro; Zone in crisis.
Jason Lofts with:
Obama meets King Salman in Riyadh =
Yank and Arab Moslem in this image.
nedesto with:
Anniversary of Liberation of Auschwitz in Poland =
Hebrew "Final Solution" via Nazi prison and factory.
Adie Pena with:
'Our Great Depression and Healthcare Debacle' =
Republican's leaders do not regret a headache!
Tony Crafter with:
Internet porn fuels vile crimes says a senior judge =
Ergo, any prosecuted sinners must serve life in jail
Ellie Dent with:
The year Two Thousand and Fifteen =
Those that need fortune find a way.
1st - Jason Lofts with:
Codebreaker Alan Mathison Turing =
So that rare brain unlocked Enigma.
2nd - nedesto with:
Microsoft Technology Advisor Bill Gates =
Visions of Ctrl-Alt-Del got boy so mega-rich!
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
His Holiness Pope Francis =
His profession's in chapel.
View with:
Captain Iriyanto =
Pity an air-action.
Adie Pena with:
The ISIS leader al-Baghdadi =
"'Behead lads' idea is alright."
Adie Pena with:
Did great Allah behead ~
the leader al-Baghdadi?
Jason Lofts with:
Noomi Rapace =
O, a cinema pro.
Julian Lofts with:
The English socialite Lady Ghislaine Maxwell =
Illegal sex claim - wily highness laid a hot teen?
David Bourke with:
His Royal Highness Prince Andrew =
He's a worry in passing children, eh?
Julian Lofts with:
Stephane Charbonnier =
An abhorrence hits pen
Adie Pena with:
Christiane Amanpour =
Euphoria! I'm a CNN star!
View with:
Anita Ekberg =
Eek! Giant bra!
Ivan Andonov with:
The former president Giorgio Napolitano =
I opt to resign from throne in a ripe old age.
Tony Crafter with:
Amber Rose ~
bares more!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Petro Poroshenko =
No-hoper spoke rot
Julian Lofts with:
A stigma irks, perplexes ~
Greek PM Alexis Tsipras.
Julian Lofts with:
Alexis Tsipras =
Liar, asp, sexist.
Adie Pena with:
The bassist Sir Paul McCartney =
Beatles music isn't trashy crap.
Ellie Dent with:
The WWII statesman Winston Churchill =
Must accent his will then to win his war.
Maurice Goddard with:
Cuba's president, Raul Modesto Castro Ruz =
Crazed-up old masturbator isn't so secure?
1st - Adie Pena with:
United States of America =
Can't our team defeat ISIS?
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The Maine Lobster Festival =
Street fans boil them alive.
3rd - Simon the Samaritan with:
San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge =
Long, big, red road facing sea scent.
View with:
An Islamic State =
It's Satan malice
Rosie Perera with:
The Samsung Galaxy Note Edge =
Text and use goggles? Yeah, man!
David Bourke with:
The Republicans =
Crap is blue, then!
Jason Lofts with:
Hasbro's Play-Doh Cake Mountain extruder tool =
Token drama about horrendous phallic sex toy?
Julian Lofts with:
I lose my patience at ~
El Capitan, Yosemite.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Gameboy Advance game 'Riviera: The Promised Land' =
Gamer aim: To stop enemy barrage via hand-held device.
Christopher Sturdy with:
It is a place we go if we don't know =
New 'facts' - we log on to Wikipedia!
Maurice Goddard with:
The National Aeronautics and Space Administration, ~
NASA, it has it, a cardinal reputation in a Moon descent!
Ivan Andonov with:
The Rhodesian Ridgeback =
A chaser dog breed, I think.
Adie Pena with:
U.S. Department of Homeland Security =
Shortly put, one must defend America.
Rosie Perera with:
National Observatory Against Islamophobia =
Aim so as not to prohibit a veil on any Arab gals.
Jason Lofts with:
Lolita Express =
Sex parties! LOL!
Rick Rothstein with:
The United States Congress =
Nutcases dissent together.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The United States Congress =
See constant disgust there.
Rosie Perera with:
Secret Service Agents ~
access event register.
nedesto with:
El Capitan, the World Heritage Site in Yosemite Park =
Area with steeply tiered monolithic granite peaks.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Royal Air Force =
CEO to fly a Harrier
Simon the Samaritan with:
Silicon Valley's tech industry startup companies =
They clump countless "visionary" capitalist nerds.
Rosie Perera with:
The Associated Press =
Dispatches are so set.
Ellie Dent with:
Rain, sleet, ice and snow =
So, I can see Winterland!
View with:
Los Viagras =
Go as rivals.
Tony Crafter with:
British-based daily tabloid newspaper, The Sun =
Doh! It's said they will ban bare-breasted pinups!
Larry Brash with:
The Senility Prayer =
Real pithy serenity!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Acute Body Dysmorphic Disorder is real, not a joke =
It sure did destroy dear Michael Jackson, poor boy!
Rosie Perera with:
National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency =
Anyone notice a satellite lagging in place?
1st - nedesto with:
AFI's list of top five greatest movies of all time:
1. Lawrence of Arabia
2. Ben-Hur
3. Schindler's List
4. Gone with the Wind
5. Spartacus
=
1. That epic O'Toole war film
2. Heston wins this race
3. Neeson tends after lives
4. Civil War affair befits Gable
5. Douglas triumphs
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
One day, Mary came up to Father O'Grady, quite
upset and in tears.
'What is wrong?' asked Father O'Grady.
'Oh, I've such really bad news.
=
I fear my husband, actor Mark, passed away early
today.'
'Grief! How tragic. So, did he have, er, any last
request?'
'One. Put the gun down...'
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
President Barack Obama's State of the Union Address
=
He spoke to Americans about debts and aid transfers.
View with:
William McCollom, the police chief in Peachtree City, Georgia =
"I'm a cop calling. I hate my wife, her logic. Ricochet complete lie."
David Bourke with:
The singer Bono says that he is worried that he may never be able to play the guitar again =
That's a problem, right? (As I say, He obviously ain't anywhere near being a threat to The Edge!)
Rosie Perera with:
The singer Bono says that he is worried that he may never be able to play the guitar again =
A mishap? Ha! We agree to note that a birthday boy reveler engages in insobriety. That lush!
Julian Lofts with:
1. Ghislaine Maxwell
2. Prince Andrew, The Duke of York
3. Jeffrey Epstein
4. Virginia Roberts
=
1. "Pimp"
2. Regal fucker too friendly with
3. Jewish banker enslaving
4. A sex toy (fine derriere!)
Je suis Charlie with:
"I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" -- Voltaire
=
I had a duty to idiot's truth, it is so good a value.
Why? Liberté!
Why? Égalité!
Why? Fraternité!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Late French satirical illustrator and journalist, Stephane Charbonnier.
=
If our nation can stand tall,
Then rash terror can't be all.
Je suis Charlie
RIP
Maurice Goddard with:
What are some engrossing earthly things one could observe
exhibited at New York's American Museum of Natural History?
=
The tall Tyrannosaurus Rex!
He Mountain goat
Heinous Fire ants
Whale cow
Bird eggs
Monkeys
Moths
Bears
Ivory
Deer
Mice
David Bourke with:
The U.K.'s former Prime Minister Tony Blair should be charged in The Hague with war crimes=
There with his similar bum-chum, forty-third American president, one George Walker Bush.
Jason Lofts with:
Among the fourteen innocent persons shot dead at Charlie Hebdo in Paris: Cabu, Charb, Honoré, Tignous, Wolinski =
High noon: Abrupt end as insane Kouachi brothers obliterate French cartoonists, down policemen. Enough said!
Maurice Goddard with:
If lucky and you won a massive fortune on the Lotto, how would you sensibly spend the abundance of riches?
=
Book holidays in the sun?
Duly pay off debts?
New house to value?
Into new mod cons?
New useful car?
On Charity?
View with:
It makes no sense for Mitt Romney to run for president again =
Mans' stupid, freak intent. No more misery, no reason! Forget it!
Julian Lofts with:
Thespian Benedict Cumberbatch, he plays Alan Turing in The Imitation Game =
As the main brain at Bletchley unit computing Enigma cipher data, he is "bent"
Julian Lofts with:
Guantanamo Bay Diary: ‘The torture squad was so well trained that they were performing almost perfect crimes’
=
'We regularly waterboarded the important Al-Qaeda suspects to near suffocation, harming them. Try wet misery!'
Jason Lofts with:
Israel's on high alert for possible Hezbollah retaliation =
I see all Zion has phobia of all lethal terrorist neighbors.
Adie Pena with:
1. American Sniper
2. Birdman
3. Boyhood
4. The Grand Budapest Hotel
5. The Imitation Game
6. Selma
7. The Theory of Everything
8. Whiplash
=
1. Vet
2. The Hero!
3. Shy Mason?
4. Ninny
5. Enigma
6. Thither Alabama
7. Held Immobile
8. The Hip Prodigy
And the award for Best Picture goes to ...
Dharam Khalsa with:
China says its gender imbalance is the 'most serious' in the world =
Hey, whoa! It's insane! Matchless men in crisis, due to aborted girls?
Rosie Perera with:
China says its gender imbalance is the 'most serious' in the world =
Mother-to-be wants son; child inside is a girl. Shame. Cure isn't easy.
Tony Crafter with:
My wife Vicki and I walked past an Italian restaurant last night.
"Aw, can you smell the food?" She gasped; "Gee, it's incredible!"
~
Being selfless and humanitarian to a fault, I decided: 'Heck, why not? I'll give my princess a treat.'
So we walked past it again!
Dharam Khalsa with:
What might your life look like if you made different choices? =
I'd walk out of the office, aiming to ride my horse. Lucky life, eh?
Maurice Goddard with:
What might your life look like if you made different choices? =
Sore, without my daily coffee kick, I feel I'd moan through life!
Julian Lofts with:
English actor Eddie Redmayne plays Stephen Hawking in 'The Theory of Everything' =
Highly geeky physicist with ALS. Therapy for the damned nerve degeneration? None
Maurice Goddard with:
Four growing seasons in a sleazy man's wanton life:
A: Spring
B: Summer
C: Autumn
D: Winter
=
A: Maturing womanizer
B: Stuffs women!
C: Aging manliness
D: Nurse analyses: Worn out! RIP
1st - Tony Crafter with:
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
James Thurber
=
I love my dog for he is one loyal pet; a finer trait that few human beings have. Cats, however, are born evil - it isn't just my view... ask any bird!
2nd - Maurice Goddard with:
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." - James Thurber
=
* * * I CAN'T SEE * * *
My best pathway guiding friend ever,
Faithful Rover, no better saint,
Joy to a shy animal-lover,
Now lives with his maker above.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." - James Thurber
=
You mean Fifi, that devil's spawn I hate that lives nearby and barks every moment, is going to live forever? No way! What horrible justice!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Nevertheless, my lofty objective is to purify enough to walk as a friend with my animals near that Rainbow Bridge, or even have a visit.
View with:
Faith, brethren! Paradise waiting for us... with animals too! Then invest in goodness, make mirth, be joyful , lovely, brave, active every way!
Dharam Khalsa with:
I jokingly snort, "Our dogs have lived better lives than my wife has. They are companionable, whereas my wife is a fat but vain introvert."
Rosie Perera with:
Will I get to see my very favorite old lab again? I've missed her warmth, even that funny but artistic "Woof" bark. I hope she enjoys nirvana.
Dharam Khalsa with:
With that myth written (above), I want to fondly remember our canines:
Raja (gone)
Baksheesh (gone)
Flip (alive)
Daisy (alive, feisty survivor)
David Bourke with:
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." - James Thurber =
That's as that may be. However, every salivating mongrel that I've ever known will pass on it, if you offer him a juicy red rib bone instead!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Be that as it may, Jim, I fear you're probably wrong. My view involves living forever after death without those canines and sans the like.
Christopher Sturdy with:
I have seen many a video from YouTube where man's best friend acts worryingly like having to visit the vet for a jab was a trip into hell.
Tyler Severance with:
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." - James Thurber
=
> My Lhasa Apsos lived for fifteen years to the mark, but now on the rainbow bridge he reunites with my cat in everlasting joy, viva alive.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Aging hobbyist with a new visitor: "Like all my stuffed animals here, I want to preserve my body, so that I can have rejuvenation forever!"
Jason Lofts with:
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." - James Thurber =
Whoa, so brave Laika (as first mutt in ether) enjoys every second in there? How befitting! Maybe oaf Vladimir Putin lovingly waves at her?
Rosie Perera with:
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." - James Thurber=
Writer of My Life and Hard Times loves canines, writing about them living forever. Yet they have no soul as a twin baby has (private joke).
Adie Pena with:
The "Cats" revival on Broadway? It's T. S. Eliot's joke. A shabby feline who vividly sang 'Memory' went up to retire in their ragamuffin heaven!
Rosie Perera with:
"Mummy, why isn't far away heaven very beatific upon arrival, like St. John draws it in the Bible (a verse of Revelation)?"
"It's gone to the dogs."
David Bourke with:
Many woofs, barks and pants above, in the afterlife! I believe housecats may just go right away to the Devil, in terror. Vile whiny vermin.
Ellie Dent with:
If a loving pet animal can behave, it may enjoy a holy rest forever. But without its owners, who it's evident are very selfish ... barking mad!
Larry Brash with:
I enjoy having a pair of massive, heavy, tame Newfoundlands, although we know their traits: slobber, veterinary cost, lifetime brevity.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Very best fly to heaven via invitation, with a vet's help:
Dogo Argentino
Mastiff
Bull terrier
Basenji
Husky
Samoyed
Weimaraner
Chow
Maurice Goddard with:
"Affirmative 'Hosanna!' basis, by Jove! A visit to http://www.dogcemetery.org/ I found, is a heavenly terrier MUST here! HEAVENLY!!! I'll bank on it!"
Julian Lofts with:
Why, I've wanted the venal veterinarians to go to Hell for ages as justice for my beloved fit tabby 'Whisky' (RIP). No humanitarianism, ever!
Rosie Perera with:
Did you hear the one about my vet Jenkins? He'll have a retriever sniff my canary to see if it's moving/living. It's a "lab test." Rar, bow wow! Pah!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Living with a pet is ever so good for the soul - they're definitively convivial!
Woman's rabbit seems far better than a human jerk anyway!
Christopher Sturdy with:
I obviously treat Jude better than his Greek owner:
- captive in a tiny room
- never saw day
- half starving
Best safe in family who love him.
Maurice Goddard with:
"Noble heavy beauty! I view with love the omnipotent mighty St Bernard used to save skiers tiring wearily in major far-off avalanches!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Velvety vital dog Junior thinks he's a human in every way, best of the two (my wife's a benefit)." - Cesar Millan, a pro dog trainer/behaviorist
Maurice Goddard with:
A cert the worthy Havanese go!
Responsive. Joyful. Loves kids.
Mindful. Safe in habit. Won't bite.
Warm. Hearty. Imaginative. Brave. Rely on it!
Adie Pena with:
As bovine jam into
Noah's Ark,
I'm up with having
My entire habitat secure. After forty days
And nights, every
Levee will overflow.
So be it.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Gently, shyly,
Over rainbow,
Divine canines
Strive to jump;
Devotee, by faith,
Of Heaven's
Great Master,
Suitable for a walk on air with Him.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Ms. Kitty (irritably): "No, Tom, I believe if we have naughty behavior, we fall from heaven, join unsavory pets. It's there we rain cats and dogs!"
Adie Pena with:
My Hairy Dog,
Emu, His Male Vervet,
Noisy Bovine, Horse,
Ant, Nit, Cat,
Giraffe, Swan, Tit,
Elk, Sow, Viper,
Raven, Hen, Hart,
Ibis, Owl, Blue Jay,
Eft, Toad.
Maurice Goddard with:
Mongrel I have is this
Affable chum,
Now a joy!
SIT! Give a paw!
Bark
Ever obeys
STAY!
Tenth treat!
FIND!
RUN!
I love him
Ever! Yet trial is;
NO!!!
DOWN!!!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Vegans are put off meat. I am saying they think every damn vivisectionist, bear-baiter, whaler, or twit who enjoys veal is bound for hell.
nedesto with:
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." - James Thurber
=
Speaking of individuality; why is the creationist analogous to the honeybee's velvet warmth?
Fat vermin jabber in a swarm of revelry!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Fergus in a steaming rage with a packed suitcase in his hand.
"What's happened Fergus?" she asks anxiously.
"What's happened? Oi'll tell ya what's happened. Oi sent an E-mail to me wife telling her that I was comin' home today from me fishin' trip. I got back... and guess what oi found? I found your daughter, me wife Bridget, naked with Paddy O'Toole in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, it's the end of our marriage. I'm done! I'm leavin' her forever!"
"Oh, calm down, Fergus," chides his mother-in-law. "There is somethin' very odd going on here. Bridget would never do such a thing! There has to be an explanation. I'll speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Minutes later, the mother-in-law comes back in with a big smile on her face.
"Hey it's OK, Fergus, I told ya there must be a simple explanation didn't I?... She never got your E-mail!"
=
After living in the same remote countryside of Ireland all his life, Liam, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the many shops, he picked up a wall-mirror and looked in it. Never having seen a mirror before, Liam was extremely surprised at the image he saw staring back at him.
'Wow! How about that?' he exclaimed, 'It's only a picture of me Poppa! Gee, dat's awesome!'
And so, thinking it really was a picture of his pa, he purchased the mirror. But on the way home Liam remembered his wife Mona didn't like his father, so he hung it up in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would have a look at it.
Liam's wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after he'd left, she went there and found the new mirror hanging up.
Mona looked into the glass and fumed with anger: 'Ha!' she exploded, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's running around with!'
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Two residents of a retirement home had been going out with each other for quite a long time. They decided it was finally time to get married.
They went out to dinner and had a long conversation about their pending marriage. They discussed their finances, living wills, etc.
At last, the plucky old gentleman decided it was about time to broach the subject of sex.
=
The communication that evening had been terrific, but still he felt tentative about mentioning intimate contact.
His body cringed, yet he proceeded with it in strategic diplomacy, 'Grace, dear, how do you feel about sex?'
'I would like it infrequently,' she giggled.
The man sat there for a moment, adjusted his glasses, and leaned towards her, "Is that one word or two?'
Julian Lofts with:
As the two countries sent each other's spies packing, Britain's ambassador in Moscow, Mister Bryan Cartledge, warned graphically of the danger posed by a spiral of tit-for-tat expulsions. He cabled London: "Never engage in a pissing match with a skunk: He possesses important natural advantages."
=
Wow, when KGB agent Oleg Gordievsky defects to Britain, the pugnaciousness of Mikhail Gorbachev and macho arrogance of opponent Margaret Thatcher clash in a storm. Suspect Russian assassins and British spies are arrested, diplomats/analysts/pawns banned/expelled in petty retaliation.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Bijou – a tiny box-room.
Cash-buyers only – no bank in its right mind would lend on this.
Compact – glorified cupboard.
Convenient for quality transport links – feel the walls quiver and shake as a train's passing.
Cosy – no more than one person per room at a time.
Close to good schools – can get there in ten minutes if you drive like a pro, e.g. Lewis Hamilton.
Easily-maintained garden – concrete as far as the eye can see.
Full of history – does not have electricity or running water.
No onward chain – somebody died in there.
No photo available – the stuff of nightmares.
Peaceful location – God's waiting room.
Perfect for a first time buyer - we know you can't afford to be choosy.
Quaint period property - derelict and possibly haunted.
~
Popular area - you'll be squashed in like sardines.
Put your own stamp on it - renovation required - watch your money disappear
into oblivion.
Rural - an abomination, nothing there ... except maybe some sheep.
Viewing recommended - looks like one the fictional Stig of the Dump would reject.
Pied-à-terre - cool fancy French phrase. Translation: cosy (confined), VERY costly.
Quirky: grim monstrosity - folly. Nothing matches and the doors are four-foot high.
Three-bedroomed: Not! Two bedrooms and a consolation - a cupboard where you
can fit an infant's sleeping bag.
A fast sale desired - has no interest.
Within walking distance - no, best if you're an active cyclist.
Sought-after location - non-affordable, silly price. So forget it.
David Bourke with:
Buckingham Palace: "It is emphatically denied that the Duke of York had any form of sexual contact
or relationship with Virginia Roberts. Any claim to the contrary is false and without foundation."
=
I confirm that he did actually admit to it with sheep, four hookers, a sacrificial Indian bull, Lady Thatcher,
many a family pet...on occasion even paid Sarah Ferguson to work...but NOT the extorting yank!
View with:
Bad Things Sugar is Doing to Your Body:
1. The number one cause of premature wrinkles
2. Harms your hormones
3. Drains your energy
4. It's like an addiction
5. Rots your gums
6. Can be highly disruptive for the immune system
7. Makes you sweat
8. Can lead to heart disease
9. Sugar makes you…break wind
10. Dries out your skin
=
1. Harm affects skins structure and plasticity
2. Hormone-rubbery: PCOS, Endometriosis here
3. Weakens you, minimum body-vigor
4. Stimulates as heroin (drug)
5. Danger, works damage to your teeth
6. Regales bad yeasts in our gut
7. Irony - you are more sweat!
8. High, undue insulin
9. You as a...skunk
10. O, hies dry body-skin (derma)!
Jason Lofts with:
Buckingham Palace: "It is emphatically denied that the Duke of York had any form of sexual contact
or relationship with Virginia Roberts. Any claim to the contrary is false and without foundation."
=
Automatic Buck Pal tweet, i.e. forthright official statement on the fictitious claim about HRH Randy Andy and pimp Lady Ghislaine: "Look, Randy never had coitus/oral sex with a Yank. He's no fornicator!"
Julian Lofts with:
The twelve victims: Stéphane "Charb" Charbonnier (the editor), Bernard "Tignous" Verlhac, Jean "Cabu" Cabut, Georges "Wolinski" Wolinski, Bernard Maris, Philippe Honoré, Elsa Cayat, Mustapha Ourrad, Michel Renaud (a guest editor), Frédéric Boisseau, Ahmed Merabet and Franck Brinsolaro (policemen)=
Sacré bleu! I concede a terrible kind of harsh, improbable karma. We mourn popular, revered journalists and cartoonists, fine cops and a caretaker shot in the Charlie Hebdo building by the Muslim barbarians/slaughterers. A tragic end. Hmm, what price do we envision to achieve urgent peace?
Julian Lofts with:
‘I am not afraid of retaliation. I’d rather die standing than live on my knees.’
- Stephane Charbonnier (the editor of Charlie Hebdo)=
Hell, I think the greatest evil is the abhorrence of other doctrines. Ay, iron-handed Arab intimidation and paranoia offend me.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Man is a very dumb animal.
It is rather foolish to live in the certain knowledge history keeps repeating itself and do nothing about it.
=
Not a bit right! In fact, people do learn... to make mistakes, say "To err is human, to forgive divine" then instantly hide behind religious law!
Rosie Perera with:
"Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. So I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."
=
I annotated it (a footnote): Martin Luther King Jr. was shot in Memphis the day after he delivered that sermon, commonly titled "I've Been to the Mountaintop." Did he have a premonition of his looming death? We'll never know. His legacy lives on, outweighing racism. Today is MLK Day. Oh, please, let all people of this nation get along: black, white, yellow, brown; young, old; outgoing boy and uppity twit; devout widow on a budget, teen on a date, two guys on a honeymoon. Tutti!
-----
Adie Pena with:
POKING WITH STICKS (A POEM FOR CHARLIE HEBDO)*
by Justin Barisich
As I read of your deaths
oceans apart
I haven’t poked the sleeping
giant in ages.
I’ve treaded softly
but have forgotten
the function
of the big stick:
not to steady the walk
but to shove others off theirs,
to knock their knees
out from under,
to steal the breaths
of their lungs
as their skin slaps
against hard ground.
The offended’s rules will never apply to us.
We’re here to push envelopes, not paper.
With every smile we crack
they crack
we make them crack
and the world releases
tension like knuckles –
loud, unrestrained, uncomfortable
in its pop and chemical pleasure.
Ours is a land without law,
and so our sticks must serve
a second purpose:
defend, parry, attack
like martial
arts like water
like rivers running
like oceans pooling
like tears falling.
May they be not of sadness,
but of joy,
for anything too true to be good.
=
PENSTROKES TO GUNSHOTS
To test known
Outspokenness,
Yes, we provoke
Said and Chérif Kouachi
to kill the softest footsteps --
Elsa Cayat
who wrote 'Le Divan';
Kill officer Franck Brinsolaro
Guarding editor of freedom et liberté
Stony Stéphane Charbonnier;
Typeset proofreader
Mustapha Ourrad.
Said and Chérif Kouachi
kill Université professor
Bernard Maris;
Maintenance worker
Frédéric Boisseau.
Kill Bernard Verlhac
a.k.a. Tignous;
Georges Wolinski
who loved that gypsy-past:
life, alcohol, women;
Said and Chérif Kouachi
kill the unlucky guest,
Vet journalist
Michel Renaud
Visiting Hara-Kiri founder
Jean 'Le Grand Duduche' Cabut;
Kill Philippe Honoré
Who got
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
To fluently spout
'Happy New Year.'
No costs to settle.
Spent on TV.
Ten steps taken,
Yes, to the streets,
They even attack
Muslim officer
Ahmed Merabet.
The strongest,
The weakest
See the setting sun.
Rosie Perera with:
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
=
The things I felt with aging:
You totter, nod off, need to take a pill;
Demented, no teeth, sore feet – it's enraging!
Need doctor? Yep, honey, you're over the hill!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Barry Bonds
Hank Aaron
Babe Ruth
Willie Mays
Alex Rodriguez
Ken Griffey, Junior
Jim Thome
Sammy Sosa
Frank Robinson
Mark McGwire
=
Major League Baseball home run kings: marry in union amazing mix of brawny bomb-knockers, marred with array of fishy steroid jerks?
Adie Pena with:
"Read my lips: No new taxes." [Former Yankee president George W. B.]
"The lack of money is the root of all evil." [A thinking Mark Twain talking]
Yet it appears that money is ... hope. ~
"We don't claim that there is plenty of money. Greek people are not asking for money. They are asking for work and the ability to make a living." [The new PM Alexis Tsipras]
1st - Julian Lofts with:
Send in the Clowns
Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air..
Where are the clowns?
Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move...
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.
Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours.
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines...
No one is there.
Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want...
Sorry, my dear!
And where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.
Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career.
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns...
Well, maybe next year.
Stephen Sondheim
=
Draw The Cartoons
Charlie Hebdo
We mourn your loss.
Pens are mightier than the swords.
Charbonnier
Drew the cartoons
'I'm not afraid
Of retaliation
I'd rather die standing
Than live on my knees.'
Draw the cartoons
Keep penning cartoons.
Yes, we love truth,
Yet we want fun.
Entertainment
Has enemies with a gun.
We should limit this nonsense
They will need cheering up.
Charlie Hebdo
Keep penning cartoons.
Why, why, why, why?
Mohammed is game.
Egg them on with wit,
Please draw cartoons.
We need cartoons -
Only funny,
Pithy, worthy.
An eye for an eye
(In Maori it's 'utu')
Quixotic tilting at windmills.
Nurture seventeen.
Who will draw the cartoons?
There should be cartoons...
Yes, they're essential!
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
From The British Soldier by Rudyard Kipling:
When you're wounded and left on Afghanistan's plains,
And the women come out to cut up what remains,
Jest roll to your rifle and blow out your brains
An' go to your Gawd like a soldier.
=
War Drill by Dharam
If you're hopelessly injured, in anguish and pain,
Legs taken off in rugged mountainous terrain,
Mind well-bred to stay stalwart, not kowtow or complain,
But, would you choose to try death before dishonour?
3rd - Adie Pena with:
POKING WITH STICKS (A POEM FOR CHARLIE HEBDO)
by Justin Barisich
As I read of your deaths
oceans apart
I haven’t poked the sleeping
giant in ages.
I’ve treaded softly
but have forgotten
the function
of the big stick:
not to steady the walk
but to shove others off theirs,
to knock their knees
out from under,
to steal the breaths
of their lungs
as their skin slaps
against hard ground.
The offended’s rules will never apply to us.
We’re here to push envelopes, not paper.
With every smile we crack
they crack
we make them crack
and the world releases
tension like knuckles –
loud, unrestrained, uncomfortable
in its pop and chemical pleasure.
Ours is a land without law,
and so our sticks must serve
a second purpose:
defend, parry, attack
like martial
arts like water
like rivers running
like oceans pooling
like tears falling.
May they be not of sadness,
but of joy,
for anything too true to be good.
=
PENSTROKES TO GUNSHOTS
To test known
Outspokenness,
Yes, we provoke
Said and Chérif Kouachi
to kill the softest footsteps --
Elsa Cayat
who wrote 'Le Divan';
Kill officer Franck Brinsolaro
Guarding editor of freedom et liberté
Stony Stéphane Charbonnier;
Typeset proofreader
Mustapha Ourrad.
Said and Chérif Kouachi
kill Université professor
Bernard Maris;
Maintenance worker
Frédéric Boisseau.
Kill Bernard Verlhac
a.k.a. Tignous;
Georges Wolinski
who loved that gypsy-past:
life, alcohol, women;
Said and Chérif Kouachi
kill the unlucky guest,
Vet journalist
Michel Renaud
Visiting Hara-Kiri founder
Jean 'Le Grand Duduche' Cabut;
Kill Philippe Honoré
Who got
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
To fluently spout
'Happy New Year.'
No costs to settle.
Spent on TV.
Ten steps taken,
Yes, to the streets,
They even attack
Muslim officer
Ahmed Merabet.
The strongest,
The weakest
See the setting sun.
Dharam Khalsa with:
A man said to the universe:
'Sir, I exist!'
'However,' replied the universe,
'The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.'
=
In this Stephen Crane verse,
I see his ire - genuine vexation;
Life heads from bad to worse
To reach ultimate devastation!
Maurice Goddard with:
I Never Knew
I never knew about happiness;
I didn’t think dreams came true;
I couldn’t really believe in love,
Until I finally met you.
By Joanna Fuchs
=
Bet I may vanish in
A Pitfall Sulk
Valiant fine romance in June
Divinely tied the knot.
Now your beer belly churns me up
I see I've wed a drunken clot!
David Bourke with:
Making Plans For Nigel - XTC
We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs that helping hand
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy, he must be happy
He must be happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel
He has his future in a British steel
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel's whole future is as good as sealed
Yeah and if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy, he must be happy
He must be happy in his work
Nigel is not outspoken
He likes to speak
And loves to be spoken to
Nigel is happy in his work
Nigel feels happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand
And if young Nigel says he's happy
He must be happy, he must be happy
He must be happy in his work
We're only making plans for Nigel
We only want what's best for him
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand
We're only making plans for Nigel
He has his future in a British steel
Steel...steel...steel
We're only making plans for Nigel
Nigel...Nigel...Nigel
=
We're Making Winning Plans For UKIP
We kippers plan to knight Sir Nigel
We want shot of membership of the E.U.
To plank-walk, we want Tory weasels
(Then pushing Labour shysters hopefully, too!)
And if young Nigel seems highly happy
He's highly happy
He's highly happy
Drinking many beers in an English pub
We'll raise a glass of schnapps to Nigel
Also Kirsten, his wholesome Jerry wife
(Don't mention Mrs Farage is German)
Who Nigel employs, he enjoys his life
If young Nigel says his glass he'll raise
His glass he'll raise
To a day of purple and yellow
He shall down many a pint!
Fuming Nigel's frankly outspoken
When he tells Flemish damp rag Rumpy-Pumpy what to do
Nigel he's happy, drunk in the pub
(A tipple in the pub)
Nigel's blinking happy in the pub
No bananas legislation by Brussels!
Nanny-state tyranny...let's be free!
To end Merkel's nonsense fines we're helpless
(Though hands off his expenses as an M.E.P.!)
We English haemorrhage money to Europe
Fifty mil baksheesh every flipping day
Keep blankly sleepwalking, an unknown nightmare
Nige thinks now's high time to get away
Wake up to the new beginning! Join Nigel...Nigel...Nigel!
Tony Crafter with:
A man walks into a small Irish pub and orders three beers. The barman is surprised at such an unusual request, but he serves him the drinks anyway. An hour later the same guy orders another three beers.
The following day the same thing occurs: the man orders three beers again and drinks them quietly in the corner. This occurs many times and soon all the town is talking about the man who is ordering three beers at once.
A couple of weeks later, the curious bartender decides to clear up the mystery and inquires: "Hey, I don't wish to pry, but could you explain just why you order three beers every time?”
The man replies, “Oh, yeah, it does seem weird doesn’t it? You see, my two brothers - Jake and Quincy - live abroad: one in Italy and one in France. We have an agreement that every time one of us goes into a pub he'll order a beer for each of the other two and so keep up the family unity.”
Soon, the whole town had heard the man’s story and liked it. He quickly became a local celebrity and the Irish townfolk were telling his story to newcomers and tourists and inviting them to the inn to show them ‘Three Beer Man’.
One day the man comes to the pub and orders only two beers, not the usual three. The barman serves him with a bad feeling.
All that night the man orders and drinks only two beers. Next day, the whole town is dejected and is talking about the sad news; some praying for the soul of one of the departed brothers, some quietly grieving.
When the man comes to the pub and gets only two drinks again, the barman says: “ I would like to offer you my condolences on the sad death of your brother. Is it Jack, or Quincy who died?”
The man considers this quietly for a moment, and replies: “Ah, I see! You're obviously surprised that I buy only two drinks now. Well, my two brothers are alive and well, thank you - it’s just that I myself have given up drinking!”
=
George W Bush said to the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can let me have?"
"Well, Mr Bush," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with really intelligent people."
Bush frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know which of the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of her Bollinger champagne. "That's easy; one merely asks them to answer an intelligent little riddle. Watch this..."
The Queen pressed a button on her intercom and said. "Please send Tony Blair in."
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiled and replied, "Answer me this please, Mr Blair. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Blair answered: “That would be me."
"Yes! Very good, Mr Blair." smiled the Queen.
Bush went back home to ask Dick Cheney the same question. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"Well, I'm not sure about that," said an embarrassed Cheney. "Let me get back to you later, okay?" He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give an answer. Frustrated, he went for a workout in the congressional gym, where he bumped into John Kerry.
Cheney went over to him and asked, "Hey John, see if you can answer this question for me. Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Kerry answered, "Hell, that's easy: it's me of course!"
Cheney beamed, and said, "Excellent! That's a really good answer!" He then went back to see President Bush. Babbling with excitement, he said: "Mr Bush, I did some research and I've got the answer to that riddle. It's John Kerry!"
Bush got up, stomped over to Cheney, and angrily yelled into his face, "NO, you moron! It's Tony Blair!"
Julian Lofts
Adie Pena with:
JE SUIS CHARLIE by Tom Higgins
Paris, France,
The macabre dance
Of death is performed
By three men.
Each dancing
To the tune
Of their master,
The great tutor
The choreographer
Of supreme misery
The teacher of
The obscene dream.
The blind visionary,
Leading his troupe
Onwards to the edge,
And their inevitable
And eternal return
To oblivion.
=
JE SUIS CHARB by the Editor
Each man a satirical caricaturist,
The French communist.
No regrets here,
The rebel, the bragger.
The threatened,
The grey renegade.
A deranged hero
Nevertheless the hope.
I am not afraid
Of reprisals,
I have no children,
No wife, no car,
No debt.
It might sound
A bit pompous,
But I'd prefer to die
On my feet than
To live on my ...
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Exploring a cute snatch =
Graphic sexual content.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
That distressing 'man problem' Peyronie's Disease =
Seems my penis has got a disorder; its plain, er... bent!
3rd - Adie Pena with:
La Dolce Vita's Kerstin Anita Marianne Ekberg =
Men love a rated star's elegant rack in a bikini.
David Bourke with:
Prince Andrew, the Duke of York =
He fucked trade pro in New York.
Christopher Sturdy with:
'Invading the personal space' =
Old chap (penis) enters vagina.
View with:
An orgasm =
Ma groans
Rick Rothstein with:
An intense orgasm =
Semen stain {groan}.
David Bourke with:
Elliot Spencer has married Stephen Fry ~
to see elderly man rip a fresh sphincter!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Islamic Fundamentalist=
Life has made militant cunts.
Jason Lofts with:
A sphincter~
's in the crap.
David Bourke with:
The actor and comedian Leslie Dennis Heseltine =
He tells one, "It's nice, erect inside Amanda Holden!"
Julian Lofts with:
Chaplain rents chap's internal ~
anal sphincter. Rip! Anal stench
nedesto with:
Soiled your pants =
Poo runs steadily!
nedesto with:
The lesbian orgies =
Obese girls in heat.