Nominations for March,2017

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
An omnivore gets a really balanced diet =
I consider any vegetable and/or all meat.

2nd - David Bourke with:
One for the road ~
or one for death?

3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
I'm wearing a tinfoil hat =
I might wait for an alien!

Dharam Khalsa with:
On second thought =
Test hunch, no good.

David Bourke with:
Lactose intolerant =
No cattle relations.

Maurice Goddard with:
My mouth-watering culinary ravishment's? =
Answer: having rich, yummy, mature Stilton!

Rick Rothstein with:
Easier said than done =
See, "not hard" is an idea.

Julian Lofts with:
Sharemarket =
Karma's there.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Modern and contemporary art =
Red pattern can adorn my room.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Charitable status =
A blast at IRS cut, eh?

View with:
The discrimination against Jews =
Watch, Antisemites joining raids!

Tom Myers with:
A defeated spirit =
Despair fed, ate it.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Diplomatic immunity =
I'm put in mad city limo

Christine Parker with:
Anaesthetic drug =
Duct a gas in there.

Tom Myers with:
Facebook friends =
So, in for feedback?

Tom Myers with:
Genetically modified crops =
Play God for limited science.

Adie Pena with:
Obstinacy =
"Boys, I can't!"

Tom Myers with:
Parents hope ~
there's no app.

Christopher Davis with:
Man walked with dinosaurs?!?! =
Wild! Must widen a Noah's Ark!!

Dharam Khalsa with:
My uncle has feminine traits =
Seems it can run in the family.

Christine Parker with:
Angry idiot's ~
grandiosity.

Christine Parker with:
Delusions of grandeur =
Diagnosed Ruler of Sun.

Tom Myers with:
Update on the crisis =
Routine dispatches.

Ellie Dent with:
In the far distance =
Thence I find a star.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The saying: You can't teach an old dog new tricks =
Scary, knowing the Catahoula's tendency to dig!

Tom Myers with:
Theoretical physics =
Hypotheses critical.

Tom Myers with:
Don't lose your nerve =
Venture yonder solo.

Tom Myers with:
Universal remote =
Mouse irrelevant.

Tom Myers with:
Dealing with the pain of loss =
He is in past following death.

Rosie Perera with:
A celibate priesthood =
Bar the coital episode.

Josiah Winslow with:
The USA government is ~
a thing one must serve.

Tom Myers with:
Somnambulist ~
is almost numb.

Tom Myers with:
A suicide prevention hotline =
Ah, police intervention is due.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Compound interest =
Price mounted tons

Rick Rothstein with:
A white supremacist =
It saw hate-crimes up.

Rosie Perera with:
Single-payer healthcare =
Ah, it's generally cheaper.

Scott Gardner with:
A suicide prevention hotline =
It is advice I run on telephone.

Tom Myers with:
Other dangers =
Dragons there.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The Columbian actress and model Sofia Vergara =
Most desirable charms...no actual need of Viagra!

2nd - Tom Myers with:
The sisters Anne, Emily, and Charlotte Brontë =
Neatly render some British tales to enchant

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The singer and writer Neil Leslie Diamond =
That single 'Red Red Wine'? I earned millions.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Fisherman's Cottage on the Cliffs at Varengeville =
Monet still revealing effect of high art canvases

Adie Pena with:
"Kong: Skull Island," a motion picture in Three-D =
No, men! Don't irk, anger this ape. It could kill us!

Ellie Dent with:
The Voice, TV's talent programme =
The target: vocal improvements.

View with:
"Bolero" =
Role: Bo

Ivan Andonov with:
Street Fighter video game =
Feet I move trigger deaths.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Islamophobic U.S. president =
Trump (based on his policies).

2nd (eq) - Christopher Sturdy with:
I turn over the page of my calendar and I sigh in bliss=
I love today!
And if March began,
Sunlit spring is here.

2nd (eq) - Julian Lofts with:
The US healthcare bill is ~
bullshit, heartache, lies.

David Bourke with:
Current president of The United States of America =
As true certified fact, there's not one stupider man!

View with:
The transgender =
Strange trend, eh?

Julian Lofts with:
Russia's closeness =
Sessions's recusal.

Julian Lofts with:
Wire tapping rumor =
Trump airing power.

Julian Lofts with:
A white rhinoceros horn is poached near Paris =
Another horror! Chinese swipe an aphrodisiac.

Rosie Perera with:
The Great Barrier Reef is dead =
Reader agreed: "Fish are bitter."

Tony Crafter with:
UNESCO World Heritage Site's Great Barrier Reef =
This glorious, free area's cited barren, we regret.

Julian Lofts with:
Ordain married men as priests? =
Sinister padres' drama in Rome.

Dharam Khalsa with:
How to spruce up the Government =
Throw out Trump. Gosh, even Pence!

Julian Lofts with:
Ivana Trump seeks to write a 'show and tell' memoir =
How repellent! Woman is a retard. It makes us vomit!

Julian Lofts with:
Wiretap? ~
Aw, tripe!

View with:
Senator Ralph Shortey =
So, arrest the horny pal!

Ellie Dent with:
Spring weather =
Rephrasing: WET!

David Bourke with:
The late Martin McGuinness =
Manslaughter's incitement.

David Bourke with:
The Sears Holdings Corporation =
"Oh shit! Record an operating loss!"

Tom Myers with:
Sears may close its stores =
Losses came, is sorry state

Rick Rothstein with:
"Because I'm president, and you're not", ~
Trump sneered (a tiny audience boos).

Rosie Perera with:
White supremacist terrorism in the United States =
See impenitent racists with hate murder tourists.

Rosie Perera with:
Trump's climate policies? =
Simple: "Oil price. Must act."

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Trump doctrine =
ipretendtruth.com

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Edward Christopher Sheeran =
Wretched person has red hair!

2nd - Christine Parker with:
Rowan Atkinson, alias Mr. Bean =
A man is known as a real Briton.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The President of Russia Vladimir Putin =
I praise this Donald Trump's fine virtue!

View with:
The actress Emily Olivia Leah Blunt =
Still call her a beauty in the movies.

Tony Crafter with:
Nicola Ferguson Sturgeon =
Unerring slogan of Scot? "EU!"

Tom Myers with:
Saint Jude the Apostle =
Just head to Palestine.

Julian Lofts with:
Rex Wayne Tillerson =
No wiser, externally.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Octavia Spencer ~
is proven ace act.

Rosie Perera with:
Khalid Masood ~
had mad IS look.

David Bourke with:
Adrian Elms ("Khalid Masood") =
Look! Islam "hardman" is dead!

View with:
Khalid Masood =
Oh, OK, lad is mad!

Tom Myers with:
The sisters Anne, Emily, and Charlotte Brontk =
Neatly render some British tales to enchant.

Ellie Dent with:
Rene Magritte, a Surrealist =
Irregular art seen at times.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Academy Award for Best Picture =
Corrected, but they made a fair swap.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Free nations detest the stupid ~
President of the United States.

3rd - View with:
Kia Sorento =
O, it's Korean!

Christine Parker with:
Dexafetamine =
Need a fix, mate?

Christine Parker with:
Methylphenidate (Ritalin) =
In the trial, it helped many.

Christopher Davis with:
National Oreo Cookie Day =
Okay, I do eat "no-no" calorie

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sydney Opera House =
You espy honed ears

David Bourke with:
International Women's Day =
Also...I want my dinner at one!

View with:
Chap in the city drove ~
the Honda Civic type R.

Tony Crafter with:
Mention an English, maverick bridge builder =
The civil engineer, Isambard Kingdom Brunel

Christine Parker with:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder =
Persistently in a crisis or a discord.

Tom Myers with:
Greater London Area =
One arrogant leader.

Tom Myers with:
The Mennonite Anabaptists =
A man sent in to be in the past.

Adie Pena with:
Burger King's Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger =
Big eaters nurturing bulges come back here!

Adie Pena with:
National Republican Senatorial Committee =
Trump allies noticeable to American nation.

David Bourke with:
The Palace of Westminster =
Site of wreaths placement.

Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's 'Houses of Parliament in Winter' =
Or, a moment low sun is reflected in a paint's hue.

Christine Parker with:
Gender Dysphoria =
Yep, hordes in drag!

Tom Myers with:
Craig's List personal ad =
It regards social plans.

Rick Rothstein with:
Post-it. Notes =
It's so potent.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Eleven Disney Princesses --
1. Snow White
2. Cinderella
3. Aurora
4. Ariel
5. Belle
6. Jasmine
7. Pocahontas
8. Mulan
9. Tiana
10. Rapunzel
11. Merida
=
1. Ill
2. Maiden
3. Perennial snooze
4. My cruel sea!
5. Nice allure
6. Aladdin
7. John Smith
8. Lean Asian
9. Waitress
10. Up a tower
11. Brave presence.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The "Forces' Sweetheart" Dame Vera Margaret Lynn is one hundred years old =
Many thousands of soldiers revere her...awarded the centenary telegram.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Spring is sprung,
The grass is riz;
I wonder where the birdies iz!
=
Thrush dip,
Riding breezes;
Iris grows, with spring air sneezes!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The truth is still always the truth, even if everyone denies it.
=
So, lad, the lie is a lie, even when they trust it. Verify, then trust!

Christopher Sturdy with:
The string section of the orchestra - first and second violins, violas, cellos and double basses.
=
Horrible dissonant screeching!
Sound is endless vocal sobs of a litter of cats' violent deaths!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The string section of the orchestra:
1. first violins
2. second violins
3. violas
4. cellos
5. double basses
=
1. front, visible solos
2. restless clones
3. no less significant
4. cohesive chords
5. authoritative, bold

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Bushism: "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office."
=
The Liar-in-Chief, man who then had the bomb, needed oversight, Cliffs grammar book, or...ahem...better White House security!

Maurice Goddard with:
The Statue of Liberty went dark overnight and the timing was just 'too perfect' =
No jest! Agony! She blackout fainted, frightened over Twitter twit Trump's hate!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Men are disturbed not by things that happen but by their opinion of the things that happen." -Epictetus
=
To interpret, the grip of petty thought in the mind, bent by habit, causes both the pain and unhappiness.

Julian Lofts with:
Followers mourn as the legendary musician Chuck Berry dies =
His rich edgy blues, awesome rock 'n roll unify races - damn true!

David Bourke with:
The late American guitarist and singer Charles Edward Anderson "Chuck" Berry =
Such a talented act. Underlining his career was a trademark cherry red Gibson.

View with:
Princess Diana says she used her honeymoon to 'catch up on sleep' in rare letters to personal secretary=
Re: Secrets she prepared - No copulations, no sensuality, no erections, apathy, they snore...Charles dreams!

Rosie Perera with:
The National Aeronautic Association's Wright Brothers Memorial Trophy =
Harrison (Han Solo), America's meatiest actor-pilot heart-throb guy, won it in 2010.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Donald Trump, President of the United States of America =
Me, I spurn fact, dispute I demonstrated the art of no deal

Julian Lofts with:
Ms Ivanka Trump is to be a so-called assistant to the US president =
Absurd nepotism risks a vain potentate's status - seldom ethical.

Rick Rothstein with:
The famous landmark at The Palace of Westminster ~
Calm, daft wankers met at the Houses of Parliament.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
"The six wives of Henry the Eighth,
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard
Catherine Parr"
=
I hear veteran anagram expert Tony Crafter wins. He enjoys an hallucinogenic beer. Oh, he's incoherent, "Off with everyone's head, ha!"

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"The six wives of Henry the Eighth,
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard
Catherine Parr"
=
Henry: In a high life of majestic extravagance, you see death; one royal bore who has an irreverent, inherent penchant for wenches.

Rosie Perera with:
The six wives of Henry the Eighth:
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard
Catherine Parr
=
Ah, anyone can hate inane Trump's two jarring divorces: cheating on wife One; he cares only a trifle for brave 'n sexy Three. He, he, he, he!

Christopher Sturdy with:
"The six wives of Henry the Eighth,
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard
Catherine Parr"
=
The ninny joined in a half marathon for Teenage Cancer Trust.
As he ran, he wore his very heavy robe to experience how aching feels!

David Bourke with:
The six wives of Henry the Eighth:
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard
Catherine Parr
=
On-throne, in want of an heir, angry His Majesty Henry
(he of 'Greensleeves') even had two face a rather
horrible execution. A nice chap!

Adie Pena with:
The six wives of Henry the Eighth:
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard
Catherine Parr
=
He-men celebs who haven't rejected an evening of whoopee:
F. Sinatra (4)
A Thornton (5)
E. Fisher (5)
Curtis (6)
Hey, hey! A hoarier ex-CNN Larry again!? (8)

View with:
"The six wives of Henry the Eighth,
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard
Catherine Parr"
=
Lady can be nice, fair, attractive, fine honey... senile/severe hen, sharp hen (ugh!). Ain't matter! We honor her. Sex? We can enjoy..or forgo, hah!?

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Travelling down the highway and needing a toilet, I pulled in at a service station and headed for the Gents'.

"While I'm sitting in a cubicle, a voice from the adjoining one says, Hi, how are you?"

Hmm... Now I'm not the kind to hold a conversation in a public toilet and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "I'm doing fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

Huh? What kind of question's that? At that point, I'm thinking this is far too weird so I said: "Er, I'm like you, I'm travelling"

By this time I'm ready to exit the place as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

OK, this question's way too weird for me so I figure I'll be polite and end the conversation. I tell them: "Erm, I'm afraid I'm rather busy right now."

Then I hear the person sigh... "Listen, I'll have to ring off and call you back. There's some moron in the next cubicle who keeps answering all my questions!

Ah, mobile phones, don't you just love 'em?!

=

The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Quinn in a steaming rage with a packed suitcase in his hand.

"What is the matter Quinn?" she asks concernedly.

"What is the matter?" he says, "Oi'll tell ya what is the matter. Oi sent an e-mail to me wife telling her oi was comin' home today from me fishin' trip. Oi got back at lunchtime and guess what oi found? Only me wife, your daughter Bridie, naked with dat idiot Kevin O'Toole in our bed! This is unforgivable. It's over, oi'm goin'. Oi'm leavin' forever!"

"Steady, Quinn, just cool down," chides his mother-in-law. "There's got to be somethin' very odd goin' on here. Oi'm positive Bridie wouldn't do such an idiotic thing, so there's got to be an innocent explanation. Oi'll speak to her straight away and find out just what's happenin'."

Minutes later, the mother-in-law comes back in with a big smile on her face. "Yep, it's all okay, Quinn, oi told ya there'd be an explanation... She never got your e-mail!"

2nd - Adie Pena with:
"The Sound of Music" Soundtrack
1. Prelude and The Sound Of Music
2. Overture and Preludium (Dixit Dominus)
3. Morning Hymn and Alleluia
4. Maria
5. I Have Confidence
6. Sixteen Going On Seventeen
7. My Favorite Things
8. Salzburg Montage
9. Do-Re-Mi
10. The Sound of Music (Reprise)
11. The Lonely Goatherd
12. Edelweiss
13. The Grand Waltz
14. Laendler
15. So Long, Farewell
16. Climb Ev'ry Mountain
17. Something Good
18. Processional and Maria
19. Sixteen Going On Seventeen (Reprise)
20. Do-Re-Mi (Reprise)
21. The Chase
22. Climb Ev'ry Mountain (Reprise)
=
1. Melodiously on top of a hill...
2. Opening credits
3. Nuns...
4. ...are vexed
5. Maria convinces herself in a monologue
6. Liesl and Rolfe duet in the garden
7. One more thunderstorm!
8. Go on a day trip
9. Maria teaches...
10. ...seven children to sing, i.e., redux
11. Humoursome marionette show
12. Captain sings
13. Music for one Baroness
14. First dance
15. Goodnight
16. Blue, i.e., glum return to Von Trapps
17. Glimmering love kindled
18. The wedding
19. Advise, i.e., redux
20. "Salzburg Music Festival"
21. My main enemy! Hide me here (nunnery)!
22. Escape to Switzerland!

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Nineteen Distinguished Surgeons and Their Famous Operations/Renowned Professions
1. Claudius Galenus
2. Theodor Billroth
3. Professor Harvey Cushing
4. Paul Randall Harrington
5. Ivo Pitanguy
6. Professor Eric Sidney Watkins
7. Baron Lister
8. Thomas Starzl
9. Frank Netter
10. Harold Gillies
11. Christiaan Barnard
12. Denton Cooley
13. Baron Guillaume Dupuytren
14. Joseph Murray
15. Hippocrates of Kos
16. Mary Edwards Walker
17. Sir Astley Cooper
18. William and Charles Mayo
19. Norman Bethune
=
Prowess
1. Philosophy
2. Abdominal malignancy surgery
3. Brain surgery
4. Spinal rod hardware
5. Brazilian cosmetic surgery
6. Formula One neurosurgeon
7. Asepsis
8. Transplant of liver
9. Medical illustrator
10. Tube pedicle
11. Heart transplant on Louis Washkansky (he dies)
12. Artificial heart
13. Napoleon's hemorrhoids
14. Kidney transplant
15. He began chest surgery
16. Medal of Honor (Union surgeon - saved wounded soldiers in war)
17. Anatomy (like John Hunter)
18. Not for profit crusaders
19. Ditto.

Ellie Dent with:
I went to the local store the other day, and I was in there for around five minutes.

When I came out, there was this motorcycle copper writing out a parking ticket. I
went up to him and said, 'Hey, come on there buddy, how about giving a guy a little
break?'

But he was mirthless, and clearly determined. He merely ignored me and continued writing
out the parking ticket.

~

I called him a petty pen-pusher. Glaring at me, the bug-eyed guy started writing a ticket
for having worn tires!

He put a second ticket on the windshield and began writing another... utterly comic!
I waited. This went on for twenty minutes. I abused him more ... cue the more idiotic tickets
he wrote. Oh well, okay.

No harm done. I parked my valuable auto around the corner.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
STRANGE FRUIT

Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.
=
BLACK LIVES MATTER

I unchained her stiff ankles tonight,
Leashed to worlds that are labeled white;
Lightened her bonds but not her skin,
I opened the golden zoo cages she's in.

Etched now on her front a big letter N,
Hell offers her off to fat corrupt men.
Out of Africa, but flogged into a gutter;
Lost strength, she whispers with a stutter.

Intense stranger gets caught to suffer;
Desperate serf, most barren, not tougher.
An oppressor resorts to a Fagin burn --
You heard her moan, it's both our turn.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A wife was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her lover when she suddenly heard the husband's car pull into the drive.

"Quick!" she shouted at the lover. "Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband has come home early!"

The man looked out the window in alarm and protested: "That's crazy! I can't possibly do that! It's raining hard and I'm stark naked!"

"I don't bloody care about that," screamed the woman hysterically; "If my husband finds you here, he'll skin us both alive!"

Still protesting, the lover reluctantly grabbed his clothes, scooted over to the bedroom window and leapt straight out...

He landed, unscathed, on the street below and to his amazement found himself in the middle of a bunch of marathon runners. Hoping to blend in with them, despite being naked, he started to jog along, carrying his clothes over one arm.

"Hello," greeted one of the other runners, "hey, no offence buddy, but d'you always run in the buff?"

Thinking on his feet, the lover replied breathlessly: "Oh, yes; I like to feel all that fresh air wafting against my skin when I jog."

"I see... but, do you usually run with clothes over your arm?" said the athlete.

"Oh yes, always," panted the lover. "That means I can get dressed after the race, hop into my car, and drive straight home without needing to have a shower first."

"Yes, I suppose that does make sense," the athlete said, "but do you always wear a condom when you run?"

Only if its raining.

=

A wife had her lover in during the afternoons while her husband was out at work.

One day, her nine-year-old son was hiding up in the closet during one of his mum's romps while the unaware couple were entwined in eager passion. Suddenly, the woman heard her husband's car pulling into the drive, so she quickly hid the lover in the closet.

The little boy said, "It's dark in here."

The man whispered, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I've got a baseball."

Man - "Er... that's nice."

Boy - "Wanna buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's just outside."

Man - "I see... OK, how much?"

Boy - "Two-hundred-and-fifty dollars."

A few weeks later, it transpired that the boy and the lover found themselves in the closet again.

Boy - "It's dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I've got a baseball glove."

Man - Recalling the last meeting the lover groaned, "How much?"

Boy - "Seven-hundred-and-fifty dollars."

Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father said to the son, "Get your ball and glove, junior, we'll go outside and play baseball."

The boy replied, "I can't, I've sold them."

"Huh?" frowned the puzzled father. "Just how much did you sell them for?"

The son said, "A thousand dollars."

"What!?" the father raged, "That's awful; you mustn't overcharge your friends like that. It's much more than those items are worth. I am gonna take you to church and make you confess right now."

They went to the church and the father sent the boy into the confessional booth and closed the door.

The boy whispered, "It's dark in here."

The priest said: "Don't you start that crap again!"

Maurice Goddard with:
God's plan made a hopeful beginning.
But man spoiled his chances by sinning.
We trust that the story
Will end in God's glory,
But at present the other side's winning.
=
Creep Donald Trump's a sore Tweet nit.
Holy Cow! Ghastly insane bugger's unfit!
Deranged nit, he's mad!
Hissing loon, he's bad!
Whining nit pongs in bent petty bullshit!

Maurice Goddard with:
A wonderful bird is the pelican;
His beak can hold more than his belican.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week,
Though Im damned if I know how the helican!
=
An anagram king called Crafter, as I know,
He is one uninhibited bloke who can crow!
Huh? He is one fab poet!
Chuffed, he did know it!
I'm behind him! He leads all! Ho ho ho!

Maurice Goddard with:
An elderly guy called Keith,
Mislaid his set of false teeth.
They'd been laid on a chair,
He'd forgot they were there,
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.
=
The Donald's a fake story nit,
Who tweets belligerent shit!
Hey! He's a rage-horrible cad,
So tweet-demented and bad!
Yeah! A lie-filthy leech and unfit!

David Bourke with:
An elderly guy called Keith,
Mislaid his set of false teeth.
They'd been laid on a chair,
He'd forgot they were there,
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.
=
A Rolling Stone, Richards, one day,
The Beatles?, he ranted, "Who they?
Bleeding skiffle I hate,
I detest the band, mate!"
He cursed "Will they not fade away?"

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
She released the most momentous fart =
Mrs steamed out lots of sheer methane.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The Assistant to the US President =
I see tanned ass, pert tits, hot tush.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Craig's List personal ad =
Her crass plan is to get laid.

View with:
The toilet bowls =
To let bowel shit.

Adie Pena with:
Groping pussies =
Spouses griping.

Tom Myers with:
Fornication, adultery and sodomy.
=
I cry: "O Fun lady, do a demonstration!"

Tom Myers with:
A male escort agency =
Came, crone gets a lay.

Tom Myers with:
Bogus Headaches? =
She's a douchebag!

Maurice Goddard with:
Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Sloth
Wrath
Envy
Pride
=
Ugh! Grisly, nutty, lowest pervert, The Donald.

The Anagrammy Awards