1st - View with:
Fidget spinner =
Fingertips' end.
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" ~
is a gutsy cry for tenacity and fortitude.
3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
A neutron walks into a bar. "How much for gin?", he says. ~
A fun barman answers this: "Look, with you, no charge."
Rosie Perera with:
Donald Trump's toilet paper =
Pat it on plump toddler arse.
Scott Gardner with:
The earth's climate =
Hear that ice melts.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Carrying out murders in the name of one's religion =
Terrorism - see it for inhumane, ungodly ignorance.
Josiah Winslow with:
I had the best idea for making some money. =
The aim: find many site gems here, do a book.
Tony Crafter with:
The eating disorder bulimia nervosa =
Diet made behaviour in latrine gross.
Ellie Dent with:
Stonehenge at sunrise =
See sun then: it's orange!
Josiah Winslow with:
The only way out is through. - Robert Frost =
Oh yes...or, or if that turns tough, try below!
Dharam Khalsa with:
This horse walks into a bar, goes up to the barman, and ~
asks (hard stomp) "Neigh?" Translation: "How about a beer?"
Adie Pena with:
Altercations ~
aren't stoical.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Cyberattacks =
Acts by racket.
Adie Pena with:
A dashcam video =
Avoid mad chase.
1st - Ellie Dent with:
William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet =
All like his enamored pair...just awesome!
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hamlet by William Shakespeare =
A play I am asks me whether I'll be
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The "Sistine Madonna" by Raphael =
Phenomenal! Yes, his art ain't bad.
Adie Pena with:
Gal Gadot is "Wonder Woman" =
Girl manages to do and wow!
View with:
The Sistine Madonna =
Saint, honest maiden.
Tony Crafter with:
The Motorhead hit 'Ace Of Spades' =
Ethos of a poem is 'the death card'.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Love Changes Everything =
Even the over-clingy shag.
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Paris climate deal =
Halt rapid sea-ice melt.
2nd - Christopher Davis with:
Despite the constant negative press covfefe =
His Staff Protected Soviet Agents - Even Pence!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The Grenfell Tower's fire =
Enter Hell: grief for West.
Rosie Perera with:
Despite the constant negative press covfefe =
The conniving staff does vet secret pee tapes.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Oval Office ~
to hail Covfefe.
Scott Gardner with:
The President of the US =
He's often stupid there.
Rosie Perera with:
To greet USA: ~
"Rogue State!"
View with:
U.S.s withdrawal from Paris deal =
Oafish D. Trump raised war walls
David Bourke with:
"Strong and stable leadership" =
Get an old bird, Theresa's plans.
Rosie Perera with:
Impeachment hearings =
He's tampering. Cane him!
Rosie Perera with:
Impeachment hearing =
Ah, Pence might remain.
David Bourke with:
The Democratic Unionist Party =
Tories' primacy that continued.
Julian Lofts with:
Melania Trump has finally moved into the White House =
Oh, hateful day - the alien Slovenian mum with imposter.
Julian Lofts with:
Fire in Grenfell Tower, West London =
Towering inferno - no dwellers left.
Josiah Winslow with:
The US's Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act =
Republican tactics defeated that for no apt reason.
Tyler Severance with:
"I am under investigation." - Trump =
Remove intimidating usurpant.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Amazon buys Whole Foods for almost Fourteen Billion =
Sum: Bezos' solution on food for men of wealth, all by air!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Philando Castile verdict ~
didn't prove ethical's ethical.
Rosie Perera with:
Trump admits the Comey "tapes" don't exist =
Moment my stupid tacit threat's exposed.
Rosie Perera with:
Donald Trump frames, posts fake Time Magazine cover =
Drat! Posters of prideful man's gaze can make me vomit.
Adie Pena with:
A non-effective ~
innate covfefe.
Josiah Winslow with:
Legislation =
It is all gone!
1st - David Bourke with:
Camilla Rosemary Shand =
I'm a lady on Charles's arm.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Saint Christopher ~
is hitchers' patron.
3rd - Christopher Davis with:
Donald Trump, President of the United States =
Russian toddler! He attempts to defend Putin!
Julian Lofts with:
The Prime Minister, Theresa May =
Her empire terminates, is a myth.
Josiah Winslow with:
US Attorney General Jeff Sessions ~
enjoys Russia, often feels strange.
Christopher Davis with:
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions ~
Agrees Russians need job offers
View with:
Mannarino =
An Iron Man?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde =
Acid wit's on offer; his will regale all
Tony Crafter with:
The slayed Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas ` Becket =
Holy hero stabbed in church apse by team of attackers.
Julian Lofts with:
Cardinal George Pell, the Vatican treasurer =
He's an ill, aged pervert, a recalcitrant rogue.
Adie Pena with:
U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions =
See felon try joint, see grass as fun!
Tony Crafter with:
The slain Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas ` Becket =
Taboo! Blasphemy! Attackers stab fine hero in church.
David Bourke with:
The actress Eleanor May Tomlinson =
She's certainly ornamental, to some!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The MSNBC hosts Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough =
Buzz: Mocker stabs "Morning Joe" so hard in the back. Hiss!
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Irritable bowel syndrome =
Bloat blows in my derriere.
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Trump administration
Truth in media's important.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
All-new Ford Fiesta ~
offers all I wanted.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Softness without borders" ~
is words on sheets for butt
View with:
Renault Kadjar =
Drat, a real junk!
Josiah Winslow with:
The Paris Climate Agreement =
America split the "Green Team".
Dharam Khalsa with:
Autism Spectrum Disorder =
Summed, is artist producer.
Josiah Winslow with:
The Commonwealth of Puerto Rico =
Claim of not too much power there.
Julian Lofts with:
The Autism Spectrum Disorder Guideline =
I theorise Trump is a smug, deluded cretin.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese =
Does France thank America?
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Democratic Unionist Party =
Ranty mouthpiece distraction.
Adie Pena with:
Trump International Hotel, Washington D.C. =
Might a president or nut own that local inn?
Tony Crafter with:
Archbishop of Canterbury =
Church prayer; bit of a snob.
Ellie Dent with:
Skoda Fabia =
Ad's a fib? A-Ok.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Top Five Beatles Songs (vulture.com)
1. A Day In The Life
2. Strawberry Fields Forever
3. Penny Lane
4. She Loves You
5. Please Please Me
=
1. Effectively, a fearful LSD event?
2. Based on an orphanage in Liverpool
3. Busy Liverpool street
4. Yes! She's my sweet!
5. Pleasure me!
2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The Ten Neglected Senses
1. Balance
2. Motion
3. Pressure
4. Itch
5. Pain
6. Fatigue
7. Breathing
8. Temperature
9. Appetite
10. Expulsion
=
Phenomena
1. e.g. React in a boat
2. Feel speed
3. Stress
4. Tingling
5. Ouch!/Numb
6. Tire
7. Inspire, pant
8. Heat
9. Lust, eat it up
10. Excrete/pee
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. 'Two beers, one for me plus the giraffe's'.
They drink heavily until eventually the animal ~
keels over. When the guy gets up to walk away, barman Bill frets: 'You ain't leavin'
that lyin' here.' 'Him? A lion? It's a giraffe, duffer!'
Rosie Perera with:
Man wears strainer on his head for driver's license photo =
Pastafarian in clownish dress. Horrors! Need remove it, eh?
Dharam Khalsa with:
Big Brother: "The people will not revolt. They will not look up from their screens long enough to notice what's happening."
=
George Orwell's novel problem begins to look true now, in that photo with the thirty people clutching infernal phones!
View with:
Stephen Hawking Says Earth Is Under Threat and Humans Need to Leave =
This huge planet destroyers take inane run and dash. We haven't shame!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Vincent Van Gogh's Oil on Canvas "Le Restaurant de la Sirhne ` Asnihres =
A sensational dinner salon area (involves using three grave accents).
Julian Lofts with:
Bestiality: which animals on a farm are known to be most at risk? =
I think cow, horse, rabbit, mink, rat, llama to name a few. Is so nasty.
Adie Pena with:
Top three movies of Sir Sean Connery are --
1. The Hunt for Red October
2. The Untouchables
3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
=
1. Taut encounter in nuclear sub
2. To let an Irish cop (note: James Bond!) have the Oscar?!
3. Yes, the dad of Harrison Ford seen there.
Julian Lofts with:
The Trump travel ban has come into effect for the six countries =
A xenophobic act - first threaten, then torture Muslims. Covfefe?
1st - Adie Pena with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
"Whatever you do, do it with bravado. Use colorful language, historical nonsense. Liven an unseen agenda with half truths. Diss or threaten known women, arrogantly fire anyone, and tweet about it." (Donald J. Trump)
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
Phineas Taylor Barnum (late),
When found in his wiki entry
It tells us all was far from great;
A slave-owner in the nineteenth century.
I've read enough and judge "Oh no, not good!"
And vow not to act as our bastard would.
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
"If work I dread has to be done (laundry or the front lawn), I concentrate to finish as soon as possible. That way, I have new time on hand to unwind, enjoy nature, volunteer, travel, grow, laugh, and snuggle." (Mature Adult)
Rosie Perera with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
"Procrastinate. Never defer an unbegun task until tomorrow; you can hang on and do that the following day. Life is just too short to be always on time. And we'd arrive late, not unravelled in an anguished rush. Whew!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
So, whether we'll call it having a job, a duty, work, labour, routine, activity, an endeavor, an enterprise, an engagement (and so forth), understand how fortunate we are, and do it with unslothful godliness. (Anonymous)
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
Haven't you heard, "I am a showman by profession"? ... That was a joke! Don't heed a word I utter! (I'll never!) Dally and be late, lest life turn into one daunting or unnerving great whale of a circus stunt on a town showground!
Rosie Perera with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
Be diligent and just in all things, beware of any nonsense, and endeavour towards worthy virtues; not like the evil orangutan Donald Trump who, though he owns a fortune, is a failure at normal decency -- at war, too.
David Bourke with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
"What? Nah! Sod that arduous rot! Want your rewards? Sit down, and enjoy doing bugger all. Endeavor to savour innate uneventful inclinations, and submit a Challenge with only a week of the month left!" (Rosie Perera)
Ellie Dent with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
Lord knows, amateur shamateur, we all love winning. Nature is ruthless. If you try hard and fail, over and over, what then? Just wind down, cease. Then go and rest. Content. Enough already. No point being a fool about it.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
When I was a kid, I dreamt of running away to join any circus. At length, as an adult man, I understood I was wrong, a fool. It's always better to persevere on the battlefront, through hell, even unloved and unhonoured.
Julian Lofts with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
All Blacks do play the Lions on tour on our home turf. We won the test today and we can win the rest. We're unafraid of rivals and judged the greatest in the world. No shenanigans. Viva our national rugby union team!
View with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
And when you rest, men, rest with all of the body, with all of the soul. Just do it like it was a real nirvana, a real heaven on Earth. Avoid wrong doings, wrong actions. Don't act and don't run - pursue anyone. Be mug, free nut!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A man hadnt had sex with his wife for 8 years so the wife went to their doctor and said, Have you got anything I can give to my husband to pep him up a bit?
The doctor said, Ill give you 30 tablets, one for every day of the month, but they are quite strong so make sure he doesnt take more than one at a time.
The next morning the wife rang him and said, I gave my husband those tablets just like you said.
I see - how many did you give him? asked the doctor.
Well, she said, I thought he was particularly in need of them so I gave him the lot!
No! gasped the doctor. "What happened?"
Well, we were sitting down calmly eating dinner and I think the tablets must have started working because he suddenly jumped up, pulled the tablecloth off the table and the dishes all crashed to the floor, there was broken china everywhere. Then he ripped my panties off, bent me over the table and proceeded to make love to me for three hours!
Well I am sorry to hear about all those dishes, said the doctor.
Oh, dont worry too much, she replied; we wont be going near that restaurant again.
=
At 8.30 a.m. the English wife said to her husband: "I'm in the mood for bacon and eggs. Would you like some?"
He declined. "No thanks, sweetheart, truth is I'm not that hungry right now. It's the Viagra," he sighed. "It seems to have rather taken the edge off my appetite."
Three hours later, she enquired whether or not he wanted anything to eat or drink for elevenses, but she got exactly the same reply.
At lunchtime, she again asked if he'd like to have some food to eat. "What about a lovely bowl of tomato soup with hot, buttered muffins or perhaps a toasted cheese and ham sandwich with it?"
He declined, and explained to her: "Sorry, dear, but that Viagra has badly blunted my appetite."
Dinnertime came and she wondered whether or not he wanted to have anything to eat now. "Wouldn't you just love to have a juicy rib eye steak? Or perhaps some roast chicken followed by apple pie with double cream?"
He declined once more. Sorry," he added. it has to be the Viagra that's responsible; I'm still not that hungry."
"Well," she said, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving!"
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped,
and spent time examining the tracks closely.
The first lawyer announced:
'Those are deer tracks. It is deer season, so we should go and follow the tracks
if we are to find our prey.'
But the second lawyer responded:
'No, they are obviously elk tracks, and elk are out of season.
~
If we follow your advice, frankly I fear we'll maybe waste a day,' he spoke out acidly.
'A day? No. Nonsense!' he protested.
Each attorney reckoned he, an expert, possessed solid proof. Or knew better: he was in
fact a superior woodsman. So cross, unrepentant too, they stuck to their guns: result,
deadlock.
And they were still arguing when the train struck them.
3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
=
Around eighty seven years in since our ancestors both wrote the Declaration of Independence, and had a revolution that forced a consequent important right to be fair to all.
Julian Lofts with:
This Is An Incomplete Register of Nineteen Suspected Celebrity Rapists, Sexual Predators, Paedophiles, Miscreants, Abusers, Cads and Libertines
1. William Henry Cosby
2. Roman Thierry Polanski
3. Mike Gerard Tyson
4. Heywood "Woody" Allen
5. Sean Penn
6. Casey Affleck
7. Charlie Sheen
8. Alfred Joseph Hitchcock
9. R. Kelly
10. Izear Luster "Ike" Turner
11. Dr. Luke
12. William Jefferson Clinton
13. Julian Assange
14. Gary Glitter aka Paul Gadd
15. Chris Brown
16. Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods
17. David Bowie
18. Marlon Brando
19. President Trump
=
Pests' Prey
1. Dull Ms Andrea Constand
2. Sam Geimer
3. Crazy boxer went to jail for rape of Desiree Washington
4. Soon-Yi
5. Madonna
6. Gorka & White
7. Boy actor Corey Haim
8. Actress Tippi Hedren ('The Birds')
9. Sullen RnB, basketball player indecently felt up girls
10. Tina
11. Kesha
12. Intern Monica Lewinsky
13. Swedes (WikiLeaks)
14. London jail term for kiddie rapes. Hiding in cell.
15. Karrueche Tan
16. For call girls
17. Jones procreated with luscious underage Lolitas
18. Sylphlike Maria Schneider (for butter scene)
19. Pussy perv............. (Redacted).
1st - Tony Crafter with:
THE GODFATHER OF GREEK PHILOSOPHY.
Keep this philosophy in mind every time you hear, or are thinking of spreading, a rumour.
Back in ancient Greece in 420BC, Socrates had become widely known and lauded for his wisdom.
One day the acclaimed philosopher chanced upon a favoured acquaintance, who dashed up to him excitedly and announced, "Hey, Socrates! Do you know what I've heard about one of your students...?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Now, before you tell me, I would like you to take a small test. It is called the Test of Three."
"The Test of Three?"
"That's right," Socrates replied. "Before talking of my student let us take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is: Truth. Have you made sure that what you're going to tell me is true?"
"No," the man replied, "in fact, I have only just heard about it myself."
"Right then," added Socrates. "So you don't really know if it is even true. And now let us try the second test: the Test of Goodness. Is what you're intending to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"Right," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you don't know for certain if it's true?
The man looked down awkwardly at his feet, and it was obvious he was now growing decidedly embarrassed.
The wise Socrates continued: "You may still pass though because there is a third and final test, named the Filter of Usefulness. Now, is what you wish to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"Er, I think, probably not..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to relate is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, then why even tell me at all?"
The man was now deflated and ashamed, and he decided that he'd say no more.
And this is why Socrates was a great philosopher and why he was held in such high esteem.
It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.
=
THE GODMOTHER OF BRITISH SENSELESSNESS
Dear Son,
I am writing slowly because I know you can't read too fast.
We do not live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I can't send you the exact address, as those snooty folk that lived here last took the house numbers when they left so they wouldn't need to change their address.
This place is really nice though. It's actually got a washing machine! I'm not sure that it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen it since.
The weather's not too bad here. It only rained twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days.
The coat I said I'd send you, your Uncle George said it would be a little too heavy to send by mail with those metal buttons on, so I cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got another cross letter from the funeral people today. They said if we can't settle the last payment on Gran's grave, up she comes.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were quite worried because it took him two hours to get me and Oona out.
Your sister Sal had a baby this morning but I haven't actually found out the sex yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. If it's a girl Sal is going to name it after me and call her Ma.
Your Uncle Stan fell into a whisky vat last Thursday. Some guys tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had Stan cremated and he burned for 4 days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Gus was driving. He managed to roll down the window and get out, but your two friends in the back drowned because they could not get the tailgate open.
There's no more news at this time, son. Nothing much has happened.
Love,
Ma
P.S. Oh, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
A woman flashing her titties=
Oh! I learnt that image is 'NSFW' :-(
2nd - Julian Lofts with:
If you want to have work-life balance ~
obey a vital life - fuck a wanton whore.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
My unexpected erections ~
exercised one empty cunt!