Nominations for Spetember, 2015

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
The top women's professional tennis player =
Serena Williams oft preys on the opponents.

Eq2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears" =
Lordy, shock of a girl at rest on the bed sheet!

Eq2nd -Tony Crafter with:
Ace composer, bandleader and tunesmith Glenn Miller =
Late, American-born legend presumed lost mid-Channel.

Dharam Khalsa with:
TV series "Little House on the Prairie" ~
illustrates positive heroine there.

Rob Bretveld with:
Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First" routine =
Baseball roster soon to confound this twit.

Ellie Dent with:
Monsieur Claude Oscar Monet =
Autumnal Seine's Morocco Red.

Adie Pena with:
Whoa! 'The Intern' and a N.Y. broad are ~
Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway!

Larry Brash with:
The British Journal of Psychiatry =
Larry Brash jots: "I type fiction, huh?"

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Goodnight Moon" by Margaret Wise Brown =
Bedroom boon, with warm engaging story

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
US Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton =
Emails and political innuendo hardly distract her.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Austrian-American Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger =
Senior with a large-size character and a long surname!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Writer and illustrator Theodor Seuss Geisel =
His treasured stories grew on our little lads.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Kimberly J. Davis =
Visibly mad jerk.

Scott Gardner with:
Mathematician Charles Lutwidge Dodgson =
Made Alice's magic Wonderland, it's thought.

Scott Gardner with:
Senator Marco Rubio =
Orator is more Cuban.

Adie Pena with:
"VW Cheated on Diesel Emissions" =
Evidence shows in some details.

Rosie Perera with:
Lawrence Peter "Yogi" Berra dies at ninety =
Pro career been entirely in witty adages.

Scott Gardner with:
Piers Gaveston =
Past sovereign.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Governor Scott Walker =
Wrong sort: vote-lacker.

Dharam Khalsa with:
U.S. Speaker of the House of Representatives, Boehner =
He forfeits to ease the nerves, or keep sane pub hours!

Ellie Dent with:
Movie star Arnold 'Arnie' Schwarzenegger =
Realizing screen dream as what... governor?!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Holy Father, Pope Francis =
Top-shelf, yon faith preacher!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - John Ramos with:
Death Valley, California =
I fry in a lava-coated hell.

2nd - David Bourke with:
Bipolar Affective Disorder (manic depression) =
Mood variable: Perfect, fine and crisis periods.

Eq 3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil =
God grew food in Eden; Eve took the Fall.

Eq 3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The charity 'Foundation For Endangered Species' (FES) =
For defence/aid of any hunted tigers, apes, rhinos etc.

View with:
London Sperm Bank =
No blank drops, men

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Palmyra's ancient Temple of Bel =
Bam! An enemy topples relic flat

Julian Lofts with:
Smart Fortwo Cabrio =
Worst motorcar - a fib!

Rosie Perera with:
The Apostolic Christian Church =
Hail, thou Christocentric chaps.

Julian Lofts with:
The latest iPad Pro =
Apple's rated it "hot".

Scott Gardner with:
The US Open final =
A tennis hopeful.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Middletown, California =
Damn wildfire location.

Ellie Dent with:
Delta State University =
Alternative study site.

Rosie Perera with:
The rare disease, auto-brewery syndrome =
Yes, dear, we made rye beers in our throats.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The University of Manchester Alumni Association =
Each clever name in a famous institution's history.

Rosie Perera with:
Let's pick the ~
Kettle Chips!

Scott Gardner with:
"Shepherd One" airplane =
A Pope lands here in her.

John Ramos with:
Washington, the District of Columbia =
Fat-mouth idiot cretins blowing cash.

John Ramos with:
Las Vegas, Nevada ‡
Save and save, gal!

John Ramos with:
Burger King, Home of the Whopper =
Ugh! More beef 'n' pork with gopher.

David Bourke with:
The anti-obesity drug Orlistat =
It trains huge slob to try a diet.

Dharam Khalsa with:
National Aeronautics and Space Administration =
Its data can point out a saline ice (and rain?) on Mars.

Adie Pena with:
St Patrick's Cathedral in New York =
Kids can walk, enter, pray to Christ.

Tony Crafter with:
The Patagonian Desert =
Heated Argentina spot.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Five Brilliant Mathematicians:
1. Sir Isaac Newton
2. Carl Friedrich Gauss
3. John von Neumann
4. Alan Turing
5. Benoit Mandelbrot
=
1. Laws of Motion
2. Overnight natural in numerals
3. Acclaim in hard subjects
4. Intervention in Enigma
5. A brain behind fractals

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Actors On The Show Friends:
1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Courtney Cox
3. Lisa Kudrow
4. Matt LeBlanc
5. Matthew Perry
6. David Schwimmer
=
Their Six Characters On TV:
1. Fun Rachel
2. 'Mom' Monica
3. Mindless nut Phoebe
4. Twit Joey
5. Often witty Chandler
6. Awkward nerd Ross

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
PC Jeffery Ross rings in to the station:
"Hell, we've got a rather tense situation down here. Some old lady shot her husband for ~
standing on a floor she'd just been washing."
"So, have you arrested her for the partner's homicide?"
"Not yet, the floor's still wet."

Jason Lofts with:
There’s now a ‘Cecil the Lion Killer Dentist’ costume equipped with blood and a severed lion head =
This quite novel Halloween tunic dedicated to Walter Palmer indeed shocks beholders, I opine.

Jason Lofts with:
Natalia Strelchenko: Renowned concert pianist is found murdered in Britain =
Didn't husband kill career entertainer in untoward crime of passion? Not nice!

Jesse Frankovich with:
The cast of the show Friends:
Jennifer Aniston
Courtney Cox
Lisa Kudrow
Matt LeBlanc
Matthew Perry
David Schwimmer
=
Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, Ross: the crew of six TV chums met to drink lattes in award-winner. Damn witty stuff!

Adie Pena with:
Five Famous Donalds
1. Duck
2. Fagen
3. Rumsfeld
4. Sutherland
5. Trump
=
1. Small; Loud
2. Tuff Rock!
3. Defense
4. Drama
5. Vaunted Funds; Grumpish.

Jason Lofts with:
University of Tennessee tells staff and students to stop using 'he' and 'she' - and switch to 'xe', 'zir' and 'xyr' instead =
"Stop that!" UT's officer defends and insists that we use this odd invention (zany gender-neutral/sexless syntax).

Mark Huffman with:
Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton, age sixty-seven =
Cynics maintain addled sexagenarian is pretty old, over the hill.

Scott Gardner with:
Former New York senator Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton =
Already told man her horror of intern Monica Lewinsky.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton, age sixty-seven =
Sir, let's say I'm not totally inexperienced, and I have a grandchild!

Rosie Perera with:
Trump, on Carly Fiorina: "Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president."
=
What?! Note advice: Look in the mirror, you oaf! That isn't exactly the face of a campaign front-runner. Total defeat upon you!

Dharam Khalsa with:
J.K. Rowling says you've been pronouncing 'Voldemort' wrong =
Grown-up bookworms enjoy a nice 'T' during very long novels.

Jason Lofts with:
Six Bond actors:
1. Sean Connery
2. George Lazenby
3. Roger Moore
4. Timothy Dalton
5. Pierce Brosnan
6. Daniel Craig
=
1. One sexy Scot, no?
2. Rare casting error, born in Oz
3. Gentleman role
4. Replaced by
5. Irish boy
6. A dogged action man.

Christopher Sturdy with:
“Humility is one of the values I most cherish. On the day I have a child , these are the principles I will pass on.”
=
Hush, Cristiano Ronaldo - a hellishly peevish platitude. I wince; he is the epitome of shameless, rich vanity.

Jason Lofts with:
Russia to continue its military support to Assad's government =
Vladimir Putin continues to assist a gruesome tyrant's troops.

Ellie Dent with:
A mother and baby get on a Liverpool bus.

Driver Kevin looks at them, screaming: 'What an UGLY kid!!'

They go to the rear of the bus.

=

An observer, Frank, asks, 'You OK?'

'Man, I am angry! That driver is too rude to me.'

The guy: 'Go give the b*****d hell! I'll watch the pet baboon.'

Rosie Perera with:
United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples =
See option: Enough fooling around. It's the Indians' land. Respect it.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Quote: "The truth is, I’m proud of the life I’ve lived so far, and though I’ve made my share of mistakes, I have no regrets."
=
Fever-level hothead Sir Trump agreed, though the quote used is not his; it's from the mike of a media-savvy Fiorina.

Dharam Khalsa with:
An aspiring vocalist had just completed her lesson. "Professor, will I ever be able to do anything with my voice?"
=
"Possibly," her jovial old instructor noted, "it might help as prevention, in case a wild savage wolf comes by here."

David Bourke with:
The Bay City Rollers: Leslie McKeown, Eric Faulkner, Stuart Wood, Alan Longmuir, and Derek Longmuir =
Laughably mediocre gentlemen looked, well, frankly ridiculous in warm tartan trousers, I reckon!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm" =
It's Churchill's famous formula of business, one I trust to win life's games.

Dharam Khalsa with:
America's Richest Billionaires:
1. Bill Gates
2. Warren Buffett
3. Larry Ellison
4. Jeff Bezos
5. Charles and David Koch
=
1. Brilliant software field dabbler
2. Franchise investor
3. Oracle label head
4. Amazon guy
5. Critics: selfish jerks!

Jesse Frankovich with:
I really can't take to people who harshly bicker with me about the issue of Roe vs. Wade... ~

which I freely believe is about the proper way that women should take to cross a lake.

Jesse Frankovich with:
"Look at that face, would anyone vote for that?" - Donald Trump =
Carly F. now apt to overtake that tan and loudmouthed fool!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -Baron de Montesquieu
=
Fine comment, sir, but one error:
Mum 'n' Dad teach us love; school teaches us to to read and write; the world teaches terror, fear, confrontation.
The former two equip us to handle this.

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
"We receive three educations: one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world. The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." - Baron de Montesquieu
=

After the welcome comforts in home or in scholarship, downtrodden, we learn quite a lot about misfortune, adverse circumstances, and the true horror of death out on the street.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us."
-Baron de Montesquieu
=
Mother warned tot: "Now, remember P's and Q's!"
Teacher chided uncouth student: "Remain courteous, or off to reform school!"
Irrational adult: "Oh, I often swear at vehicles on the street!"

Adie Pena with:
"We receive three educations: one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world. The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -Baron de Montesquieu
=
True to our sad or rotten tomorrow, uttered statement from the French political connoisseur who once was described as the real French equivalent of the honoured Adam Smith.

Larry Brash with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -Baron de Montesquieu
=
How we often encounter those wonderful modern teachers that are unique, impressive, almost heroic, dedicated, and normal, but furthermore that are not too strict for schools.

Rosie Perera with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -Baron de Montesquieu=
In consequence, we devoted debtors (the common frown) did return to our alma maters for the thirtieth reunion to catch up, or learn how life has treated others of our classmates.

Rosie Perera with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -Baron de Montesquieu
=
When the bell sounds, we head out to recess. That is our favorite part of school!
When one is an adult, terror or commerce requires more mind/force/tact than I demand of the runt tot.

Julian Lofts with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." - Baron de Montesquieu
=
Father Fred tutored him. Qualifications - B(ull)S(hit) at Wharton. Moreover, he concedes, he's a conceited, self-made nut! Too much testosterone. A horror, no? Answer: "Don Trump, we retort!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -Baron de Montesquieu
=
Tot: Mother/father must nourish and discipline (or defer).
Teen: Teachers stir (or torment) with cerebral overload on to adulthood.
Aftermath: Oh, we must face our own consequences!

Christopher Sturdy with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -Baron de Montesquieu
=
Wretched orphans who truant from education; no irate teacher, mum or father to scold them -
Quite consistent instructions:
Observe and adhere to the rule of law or lose freedom.

Jesse Frankovich with:
"We receive three educations: one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." - Baron de Montesquieu =
And the fourth one is acquired from our storeroom!
For three cheap installments of $39.99, order our noted how-to INSTANT WEALTH and SUCCESS.
Incredible outcome, whatever the matter!

Jesse Frankovich with:
"We receive three educations: one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world. The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." - Baron de Montesquieu =

Uninformed, we will strut out that door.
Street concerns're quite different -- there's more
Than what notion Mom, Dad,
Or some class ever had
To help coach our heart's caution before.

Maurice Goddard with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." - Baron de Montesquieu
=
Oh! Life's Academic Truth!
For on this current down-to-earth outdoor account's quest,
I've learnt hitherto more from Mother Nature and trees,
Wood mice, elephants, flowers and bees!

Jason Lofts with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents,
one from our schoolmaster,
and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -
Baron de Montesquieu=
The irreverent quotes that the nutter Donald Trump snorted about C. Carleton Fiorina's face were crude.
Lots of women would find him too coarse. Shame on his mother or teachers!

View with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -Baron de Montesquieu=
Street wisdom teaches us real business - truth:
freedom, other's not equal, how to maintain our life, how to hold on,
retrieve, "chamfer", reproduce, demand, attract, honor, confront, etc.

John Ramos with:
"We receive three educations: one from our parents,
one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us."
-Baron de Montesquieu=
The education we receive at the bar surpasses school education;
further, it acquaints one with the soft floor.
Don't frown, Mr. Rude Dram Merchant--one more rotten shooter'll do me.

John Ramos with:
"We receive three educations: one from our parents,
one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us."

--Baron de Montesquieu

=

“Oh, hi,” I muttered.
“To learn, we need alcohol, eh?
It’s controversial, but to concentrate, we need quarts of port, acid ‘n’ weed.
Don’t sniff at mushrooms, chum.
SATs are the true horror for me.”

Dharam Khalsa with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us."
-Baron de Montesquieu
=
Hard truth
No doctorate or profession, some head off to war,
return home suicidal or debt-delinquent,
soon clash with court or law enforcement;
thus, receive the same treatment.

Ellie Dent with:
"We receive three educations:
one from our parents, one from our schoolmaster, and one from the world.
The third contradicts all that the first two teach us." -Baron de Montesquieu=
Oh, I concur.

Or another quote:
'Life's a cruel teacher which demands the test comes first, but the lesson later.'

A footnote: Untutored man then, is driven: forward, to more power, or mad!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
THE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

1. Washington
2. Adams
3. Jefferson
4. Madison
5. Monroe
6. Adams
7. Jackson
8. Van Buren
9. Harrison
10. Tyler
11. Polk
12. Taylor
13. Fillmore
14. Pierce
15. Buchanan
16. Lincoln
17. Johnson
18. Grant
19. Hayes
20. Garfield
21. Arthur
22. Cleveland
23. Harrison
24. Cleveland
25. McKinley
26. Roosevelt
27. Taft
28. Wilson
29. Harding
30. Coolidge
31. Hoover
32. Roosevelt
33. Truman
34. Eisenhower
35. Kennedy
36. Johnson
37. Nixon
38. Ford
39. Carter
40. Reagan
41. Bush
42. Clinton
43. Bush
44. Obama

=

1. Mount Vernon
2. Sam's cousin
3. Monticello
4. James
5. fifth
6. John's son
7. Old Hickory
8. had sideburns
9. Tippecanoe
10. John
11. TN governor
12. hero general
13. Millard
14. Franklin
15. bachelor
16. Honest
17. Andy
18. Ulysses
19. nineteenth
20. assassinated
21. Chester
22. Grover
23. Benjamin
24. Grover again
25. Ohioan
26. Colonel
27. fat
28. Woodrow
29. Teapot Dome
30. Calvin
31. Herbert
32. New Deal
33. Harry S
34. Ike
35. shot
36. Lyndon
37. evil scum
38. Gerald
39. nut farmer
40. Ronald
41. Texan
42. intern affair
43. such a fool
44. Barack

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A woman goes into the butcher's shop just before closing.

She says, "Thank heavens I've made it in time! Do you have any chickens left?"

The butcher opens the fridge door and takes out his one and only chicken, and plops it onto the scales. It weighs two-and-a-half pounds.

"Oh dear, it's a bit on the small side really; do you have anything bigger?" the woman inquires.

The butcher returns the chicken to the fridge, takes it straight out again, and plops it onto the scales, only this time he craftily keeps one finger pressed down on the chicken. The scales show three-and-a-quarter pounds.

"Wonderful!" says the woman. "I'll take them both please."

=

Two blondes are on a shopping mission in a mall.

As soon as they are finished, the women go out to their car, which happens to be an impressive, leather-upholstered convertible. When they get back to the car, they notice they have locked the keys inside. So they stand and mull it over for ten minutes.

Finally one has the idea of trying to open the car with a useful hanger from a coat she has just purchased. So the first blonde starts picking at the lock with the hanger.

As she is doing this, Helen - the second blonde - looks up at the sky and suddenly becomes agitated.

"Quick, Una, quick!" she urges. "It's gonna rain and we left the top down!"

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A guy is driving around, when to his astonishment he sees a sign in front of a run-down house:

TALKING DOG FOR SALE.

He rings the bell. The owner appears and tells him the dog, Jasper, is in the backyard. The guy goes out to the back and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' replies the Lab.

'Goodness gracious me!' says the stupefied guy. 'So what's your story?'

The Lab says, 'Well, in brief, I discovered I could talk when I was young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA, and was sworn into the United States Marine Corps.

I jetted from America, from country to country, mingling with spies, and alongside great world leaders solving clues; and safe, because who'd ever imagine a canine would understand?

~

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, but the jetting around got progressively tiring, irksome frankly, and I knew I was not getting any younger.

So, I decided to settle down. I resigned and then signed up at the airport to do some undercover security, following suspicious characters and listening in etc.

I uncovered some secret dealings and I was awarded a bunch of medals. I got married, had some fourteen or so puppies, and now, well, I am just retired.'

The guy is flabbergasted. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars.' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? Honestly? That's unthinkable! This dog's marvellous! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar! He was in the Navy.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The world of anagramming is inhabited by some very talented people who have turned it from a simple pastime into a true art form, and expanded its scope from tiny gems to lengthy and intricate poems."
=
The paragraph exemplified by momentous attempts of Mey, Tony, Nedesto, Adie, Chris, Dharam, Scott, David, Ellie, Larry, Rosie and View (and prominent people with a name fragment missing, but not forgotten).

Julian Lofts with:
Some Famous Figures From the Old West In The USA
1. "Wild Bill" Hickok
2. Davy Crockett
3. "Miss Annie Oakley"
4. "Calamity Jane"
5. "Buffalo Bill"
6. "Billy The Kid"
7. Pat Garrett
8. Seth Bullock
9. "Doc" Holliday
10. Deputy Marshal Wyatt Earp
11. Robert Leroy Parker
12. The American Indian Chief Geronimo
=
1. James Butler - killed suddenly
2. Patriotic folk hero
3. Phoebe Mosey
4. Martha Canary - profligate yet kind, humane yokel
5. William Cody - scout
6. William Bonney - killer
7. Astute sheriff
8. Ditto
9. Dentist/gambler
10. O.K. Corral lawman/brother of Virgil
11. Thief, aka "Butch Cassidy"
12. Apache.

Julian Lofts with:
I read the most awful report on the news tonight:
"My children were the most beautiful children in the world. Is there anybody in the world for whom their child is not the most precious thing?" Mr Kurdi said.
"My kids were amazing. They woke me every day to play with me. What is more beautiful than this? Everything is gone.
"I would love to sit next to the grave of my family now and relieve the pain I feel," he said.
=
Twelve Syrians, fleeing bloodthirsty harm in the town of Kobane, drowned indiscriminately in the sea off Turkey when their vessel capsized. It is horrific.
Why did three year old Alan, Ghalib (five) and their mum die? Why? My heart goes out to them. Enraged, I wept ashamedly. I wonder "I'm a wimp?"
Every country in the world ought to rethink, to stem the flow, then must help to give exiles a home without turmoil.

Julian Lofts with:
"At the end of the day, I am sorry that this has been confusing to people and has raised a lot of questions, but there are answers to all these questions," she says.
=
Clinton has used her personal email for business. She has been quoted as saying that's not professional. Yet that year, quite thwarted, she shoots to a defeat.

Jason Lofts with:
"I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me — and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

=

Exuberant, wily madman Donald Trump risibly babbled he will underwrite and oversee the hurried erection of an almighty bulwark as vivid symbol to expel all dirty illegal immigrants. We all kowtow and bellow "Alleluia!"

Adie Pena with:
The four "great Americans" Pope Francis mentioned during his speech before the United States Congress
1. Abraham Lincoln
2. Martin Luther King Jr.
3. Dorothy Day
4. Thomas Merton
=
1. Hear his 'Gettysburg Address'
2. The man countered racial segregation; nation honors him then
3. Created centers for poor bunch; family-themed journalism
4. Fine Trappist monk.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
An acrostic sonnet anagram of Shakespeare's Sonnet 73.

That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west;
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed with that which it was nourish'd by.
This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

=

This time of year, when weather starts to cool,
Has such a healthy harvest to pursue.
Each teacher and each youth goes back to school;
Fun hayrides through the pumpkin patch ensue.
All Hallows' Eve is nigh, with tasty sweets;
Leaves change in hue; the whirling winds will blow.
Light hours decrease; the end the warmth then meets,
Harsh signs of wintry white about to show.
A blithesome, chatty, most kindhearted mood
Relaxin' with the kiddies in the den,
Vast bounty of seductive hearty food
Enmeshing with a football game (or ten!).
So with the thought of how we feel much blessed,
This season fits, undoubtedly the best.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
GOLDFINGER
Sung by
Shirley Bassey

Goldfinger
He's the man, the man with the Midas touch
A spider's touch
Such a cold finger
Beckons you to enter his web of sin
But don't go in

Golden words he will pour in your ear
But his lies can't disguise what you fear
For a golden girl knows when he's kissed her
It's the kiss of death from

Mister Goldfinger
Pretty girl beware of this heart of gold
This heart is cold

Golden words he will pour in your ear
But his lies can't disguise what you fear
For a golden girl knows when he's kissed her
It's the kiss of death from

Mister Goldfinger
Pretty girl beware of this heart of gold
This heart is cold

He loves only gold
Only gold
He loves gold
He loves only gold
Only gold
He loves gold

=

GREENFINGERS
Reg 'The Spade-Digger' Todd (Licensed to grow!)

Greenfingers,
He's the guy, the guy with the grower's touch,
A sower's touch.
With his soiled finger
He'll beckon you down to his garden shed,
Don't be misled!

For he doesn't dig you, it's all talk,
All he digs is the earth with a fork,
When he tempts hopeful girls to his bed, it's
A bed of flowers...

Of Mr. Greenfingers,
Sorry, girl, in his world the borders rule,
So don't be fooled!

Though you think it's a budding romance,
He cares more about slugs on his plants,
And lady, you'll only stand half a chance
If you've got worms - forget

Him! Don't linger,
Back off girl, gosh why fool yourself with lies?
His sap won't rise!

He digs only soil
Velvet soil
Lovely soil
Dark, dark soil
He digs soil.

Eq3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
VI. Autumn Song

Now the leaves are falling fast,
Nurse’s flowers will not last,
Nurses to their graves are gone,
But the prams go rolling on.

Whispering neighbors left and right
Daunt us from our true delight,
Able hands are forced to freeze
Derelict on lonely knees.

Close behind us on our track,
Dead in hundreds cry Alack,
Arms raised stiffly to reprove
In false attitudes of love.

Scrawny through a plundered wood,
Trolls run scolding for their food,
Owl and nightingale are dumb,
And the angel will not come.

Clear, unscalable, ahead
Rise the Mountains of Instead,
From whose cold, cascading streams
None may drink except in dreams.

A poem taken from the series Twelve Songs by W H Auden

A loving message to my mother, Maxine Sturdy
September 2015

=

12 Terms, Gentle Mum

Is it really on to say that loveliness has won the day
If too much dreadful stuff occurs? I'd think it all rather absurd
If all is sorrow, horror, grief, dry one's tears, grit one's teeth
No one's even, all is odd, nothing save the fear of God
As spirits sank to sub zero; sad nadir reached, grim all-time low
Remember mum's love will never cease; son all thankful, on bended knees
Set out sturdy, kept going strong, cheerful laugh and sung a song.
Her life cut short, felt incomplete as an unripened sheaf of wheat.
Pub's now shut, landlord's rung time, wenn man fragt, sagt er 'nein'.
No beer, cigar or sugared tea, GP's max vino per day, 50cc;
Slowed down, becalmed, not very well, once Big C defiled a cell,
Maxi, I mourn a mother dear and so ends now another year

Eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
IMMIGRANT SONG
by the Led Zeppelin

Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow.
The hammer of the gods will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying: Valhalla, I am coming!

On we sweep with threshing oar, Our only goal will be the western shore.

Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
How soft your fields so green, can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war. We are your overlords.

On we sweep with threshing oar, Our only goal will be the western shore.

So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing.

=

SWIMMING TO NOWHERE

How hypocrisy's effect
Weigh one's hope down;
Withdrawing helpful offers,
One's dream will drown.

Men with harsh tomorrows,
One cold night smuggled.
No warning of doom,
More refugees snuggled.

They left Bodrum at two
With father Abdullah,
Older brother Galib,
Plus mother Rehana.

With useless phony lifevests
In one small plastic boat,
Capsized in deep rough water;
Weighted, wouldn't float.

Ignoring wrongdoings,
The Mediterranean Sea.
The horror, the sorrow!
Oh, why this catastrophe?

How three-year old Alan,
Little boy gone from Syria,
Didn't finish his final trip
To Vancouver, Canada.

Where one couldn't foresee
How high the human cost.
Why we senselessly weep
When one more life lost.

Maurice Goddard with:
"I will build a great wall -- and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me -- and I'll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words."
=
Well I never!

Always verbally extreme like a loud-mouthed twit,
We've an extremely arrogant madder babbling nit.
A rude-to-all monkey, billionaire Donald Trump chills,
Raw foul windbag wipes his bum daily with dollar bills!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
Antiflatulence drug =
Nulled acute farting

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Men who use Levitra ~
have lustier women.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
David Cameron inserted his penis in a dead pig's mouth? =
The shamed PM announces: "Did I, voters? In a pig's ear I did!"

Jesse Frankovich with:
Passion in the bedroom =
I soon made penis throb.

Jason Lofts with:
Gonad ‡
A dong.

David Bourke with:
The anti-flatulence drug Simethicone =
I held methane...farting cut out...silence!

Adie Pena with:
Exposed genitals =
I got sex and sleep.

John Ramos with:
What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander =
Sure, great--if she screws a fat house dog, he can too.

The Anagrammy Awards

THE GENERAL CATEGORY