Nominations for January, 2018

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st (eq) - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's Houses of Parliament, Stormy Sky =
So see the famous master's typical murky London.

1st (eq) - Meyran Kraus with:
HBO's fantasy drama Game of Thrones =
Saga of honor, myth, fame and breasts.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Star Wars Episode VIII =
I saw it is over-praised.

Tom Myers with:
The actress Jodie Whittaker ~
tries that Dr. Who jacket, I see.

Tom Myers with:
The Girl From Ipanema =
Prime thing for a male.

Adie Pena with:
The Nintendo Switch video game console =
Nothing-to-do males own the nice devices.

View with:
"Lord of the Rings" =
If holder - strong!

Ellie Dent with:
The author Michael Wolff's Fire and Fury =
Cruel to the fluffy fair-haired showman? ;)

Tony Crafter with:
The Colombian singer Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll =
Look! S. American babe's hip-rolling is a remarkable hit!

Ellie Dent with:
Claude O. Monet's Houses of Parliament, Stormy Sky =
Portrays famous Thames skyline: note some cloud.

David Bourke with:
The fire rudely cremated ~
the late Freddie Mercury.

John Ramos with:
Stand-up comedian =
End act in mad opus.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st (eq) - Meyran Kraus with:
The porno starlet Stormy Daniels =
Has a story to tell on Mr. President.

1st (eq) - John Ramos with:
"People from places like Norway" =
I welcome any proper pale folks.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Donald Trump's first year =
Stormy. Dreadful in parts!

Tom Myers with:
A note on the politics of climate change =
No action to heal melting of the ice caps.

Rosie Perera with:
Word of the Year for twenty-seventeen (telegraph.co.uk) =
Whereupon they rank DT's loony tweet "covfefe" greater.

Adie Pena with:
The legalisation of recreational marijuana =
Use that joint in a more legal California area!

Ellie Dent with:
Storm Eleanor to hit UK =
Look, it's Mother Nature!

Rosie Perera with:
The year two thousand eighteen =
You and I together hate the news.

Julian Lofts with:
Is this Jerusalem decision of POTUS Trump ~
just more US imperial shit? If so, stop, dunce.

Julian Lofts with:
Saudi abuses newborn =
A nurse wounds babies.

Rosie Perera with:
Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House =
He who is unfit fraud yet president -- rue him!

Rosie Perera with:
Bomb cyclone causes storm, hampers Northeast =
Story concerns Trump 'cos he blames the Obamas.

Dharam with:
Massive "bombogenesis" in northeastern US =
As in, severe hammering to Boston business.

Tom Myers with:
Trump "I'm a very stable genius" =
Impulsive argument betrays

Adie Pena with:
Iran's to end most ~
demonstrations.

Adie Pena with:
Trump: "I am a very stable genius." =
A truism? Presumably negative!

David Bourke with:
President Donald Trump: "I am a very stable genius!" =
Turnip adds a response: "I'm TRULY a vegetable, mind!"

FatPhil with:
A very stable genius =
Guy elevates brains

Tony Crafter with:
Actress Reese Witherspoon =
We see her in a cross protest.

Adie Pena with:
Shithole countries =
The solution? Riches!

Tom Myers with:
Immigrants from shithole countries =
Might limit more Russians, French too!

View with:
The president of the United States is racist =
Tests find a suspect other-identities hater.

Tom Myers with:
On alert =
Not real.

Tom Myers with:
Donald Trump, Stormy Daniels =
U.S. Tyrant's limp rod and model.

John Ramos with:
"I am not a racist." =
I am Satanic rot.

dk with:
The erroneous missile alert in Hawaii =
Alarm in White House: "Is it real?" "No siree!"

Adie Pena with:
The African nations are shithole countries =
The insane notion of a rich racist. Hate rules!

Rosie Perera with:
I am a very stable genius =
Is mean, greatly abusive.

Julian Lofts with:
Cognitive testing =
Egotistic venting.

Adie Pena with:
Mental health issues of the president =
See less of that in the headlines, Trump?

Adie Pena with:
After the Christmas holiday season =
Oh, cashless at this darn time of year!

Tom Myers with:
Tom Petty's death is ruled an accidental overdose. =
Tried acid, and eventually he starts to de-compose.

Rosie Perera with:
One year of President Trump =
I'd prefer anyone to Mr. Upset.

Rosie Perera with:
One year of President Trump =
Permanent post? You're fired!

Julian Lofts with:
One year of President Trump =
Performs in a trendy toupee.

Rosie Perera with:
The Trumps observe National Religious Freedom Day =
Foreign Muslims able to pray; don't ever do it here! USA!!

David Bourke with:
Television presenter Anthony David McPartlin, OBE =
Venerated reet champion bonny lad in split...it's over!

Tom Myers with:
The ethics of primate cloning. =
China's police met often, right?

Rick Rothstein with:
President Donald Trump's first year in office =
Sadly, I noted it's uninspired, far from perfect.

Rick Rothstein with:
Obstruction of justice ‡
It isn't our object, focus.

Rosie Perera with:
The adult film actor (porn star) Stormy Daniels =
Trump sent tart dollars as candy to lie for him.

Julian Lofts with:
Seine floods, ~
soon defiles.

Dharam with:
Saudi Camel Beauty Pageant bans Botox injections =
Condemn jab into a beast; albeit, causing a sexy pout.

Meyran Kraus with:
The American president =
Arrest him, detain Pence.

Ellie Dent with:
Trump: the first year in office =
Fire, fury: that's imperfection!

Julian Lofts with:
California's mudslide ~
claims life and is dour.

Rosie Perera with:
Trump's "Highly Anticipated 2017 Fake News Awards" =
Mighty infuriated lad whacks at newspapers.

Rosie Perera with:
The Tide Pod challenge =
Ego-led clip, then death.

Julian Lofts with:
Trump in Davos =
Damn VIP's tour.

Tom Myers with:
The politics of taxation =
This act of exploitation!

Julian Lofts with:
Persecution of Rohingya leads to deaths ~
as hated troops shun reality of genocide.

Tom Myers with:
Louvre closed by Seine flooding =
See foreboding in lovely clouds.

Ellie Dent with:
The River Seine, Paris, floods =
Feared rise helps no visitor.

Tony Crafter with:
Donald Trump's State of the Union speech to Congress =
President sought chances to promote self and not US?

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Fox Entertainment Group =
Often exonerating Trump.

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
National Football League =
Often all about a goal line.

3rd - View with:
Me too movement =
Memo to veto men.

Rosie Perera with:
Doctors of Traditional Chinese Medicine =
"Horrified at needles, concoctions," I admit.

Rosie Perera with:
Law Enforcement Appreciation Day =
I left warm note and repay a nice cop.

Rosie Perera with:
Wells Fargo & Company =
Smelly wagon of crap.

Julian Lofts with:
The World Economic Forum in Davos =
Crowd love fun and homoeroticism.

Rick Rothstein with:
United States Congress =
Egotist nutcases, nerds...

View with:
Ford Escape =
Car of speed.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Senate Democrats ~
seem castrated, no?

Ellie Dent with:
International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance =
Recent annihilation accounts are all memorable.

Tony Crafter with:
The EPCOT Centre in Disneyworld, Bay Lake, Florida =
Nice old firework celebrations aptly end the day!

Tony Crafter with:
Is transported at ~
Stansted Airport.

Tom Myers with:
The Sugar Daddy lollipop =
Popular old days delight.

Meyran Kraus with:
Genetic Marfan Syndrome =
An ancestry deforming me.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The Most Returned Christmas Gifts*
1. Clothing
2. Home items
3. Toys
4. Beauty items
5. Perfumes
6. Electronics
7. Jewelry
8. Watches
=
1. Itchy jammies; shirts
2. Wrench sets
3. Twister
4. 'Glossy Me' effect
5. Bottled eucalyptus
6. Mouse
7. Hematite ring
8. Chronometer.

2nd (eq) - Rosie Perera with:
Oprah Winfrey Receives Cecil B. de Mille Award at the Golden Globes =
She gave a really incredible bracing #MeToo speech, felt worldwide.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Three Wives of Paul McCartney
1. Linda Louise Eastman
2. Heather Anne Mills
3. Nancy Shevell
=
1. Vehemently anti-meat when alive
2. Selfish, callous schemer
3. Ah, a top stunner...and really nice!

Julian Lofts with:
The delightful Australian Akubra girl Amy 'Dolly' Everett dies =
Bullies, thugs did ravage and kill her remotely. A true fatality.

Julian Lofts with:
Three Potential Presidents of the United States of America
1. Oprah Winfrey
2. Kanye Omari West
3. Kid Rock=
Interested
1. This hefty talk show titan - "I care"
2. A depressed kooky entrepreneur - "I panic"
3. WTF or "I am a mofo".

Christopher Davis with:
Anagram that should question a tubby, fake tan, truthless, naive, guilty, nitwit. Sad! =
I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius... and a very stable genius at that

Julian Lofts with:
The Kardashian West Family comprises:
Kim
Kanye
North, Saint and now the gestationally carried female baby Chicago
=

Obscenely ditsy freak, asinine fame whore
Lean Dad has mania
Hatchling brats with pretty kooky tragicomical names.

Rosie Perera with:
Neil Diamond cancels tour after being diagnosed with Parkinson's =
"Sweet Caroline" lad is genius, can't perform, abandons hit. No kidding!?

Julian Lofts with:
Very scandalous acts at the Presidents Club Charity Dinner =
Ten crude bacchanalian VIP satyrs desire unclothed trysts.

Ellie Dent with:
A woman in New York lost her pet cat called LOVE. It was dark, and thinking he might be down the street, she went to look for him.
~
This little bent woman met Kent, a kindly cop who chatted, then asked: 'Now, what is wrong?' 'I am looking for LOVE.' He arrested her.

Meyran Kraus with:

Five Oscar-Nominated Directors:

1. Christopher Nolan
2. Greta Gerwig
3. Jordan Peele
4. Guillermo del Toro
5. Paul Thomas Anderson

=

That group's diverse:

1. Respected Londoner
2. Intelligent girl
3. Comedian of color
4. Guadalajara horror person
5. Some white man

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
Oh, I'm one foolish man, I overspent;
Shut out, fully broke as expected.
I'm using an IOU to pay the rent.
Alas, all the credit cards are rejected!

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
No estate have I
Expectations nil
Frost, cold, drear sky
Temperature chill
No sun comes out... sigh
One road ahead, uphill
But my fate, jeer I.

3rd - Dharam with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle
=
A retirement means no regular paychecks;
If I hold no folio or trust,
The holiday needs can perplex...
But, I assume I have to adjust.

David Bourke with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette =
I see it's "The Grands" time in The Forum. Tony Crafter, he expects a spectacular haul...real demolition. (Jealous David Bourke only hopes not!)

Rosie Perera with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
O ruin! No property left, no house, no luck. I live in a s***hole. I just paid all my assets to axe the huge credit card statement for December! Aah!!

Tony Crafter with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
Mend the lock! January is gloomy and colder than the hair on a polar bear's arse. Despite this, I love to experience its tumultuous effect!

Dharam with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
"The extreme chill this year is unrelenting. It's too bleak for time outdoors. Honey, let's have a pounce, a fast cuddle." - Producer in pajamas

Julian Lofts with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
It seemed to cheat, Jordan Belfort, that tenuous cryptocurrencies are a hoax, dropping in value. Oh, definitely a mistake. Hell, lose sums.

Dharam with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
It's cold out here! My proof:
The male exhibitionists are opting to use heavy fur-lapeled jackets,
and a "thermonuclear" alert sounds nice!

Adie Pena with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
ULTRA TRAGIC

After our jolly holiday expenses,
There are mouths I'll have to feed.
No coin the ATM dispenses;
Our bank account is emptied!

Ellie Dent with:
January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead. - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette =
Take heart! Many a lady is much moved, unseen, to reject our austere chill life, to explore her closet in a bid to update fashions to Spring.

David Bourke with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette =
Altogether, just a sleepless month of code-encumbered acute-paranoid exasperation for Chris Sturdy...then a likely vote humiliation!

Rosie Perera with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
"I just marked the anniversary of Trump ascendancy. That s***hole moron oaf stole the election, uses explicit audio. Ugh!" - Liberal Deportee

Christopher Sturdy with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
All thanks to a fool, I have become used to austere times and find it easy to reject a high-price luxury until the land prospers once more.

Jesse Frankovich with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette =
Another note to check about, as I'm just real curious: If the federal government has closed up here, do I still need to pay my taxes in April?

Dharam with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
Poem
Look, January, I made it through!
Yet, here, the bills still accrue,
Constant, persistent (most overdue);
On a sofa, I had experienced a flu!

Ellie Dent with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
Oh, I'm poor today ... no capital!
An expensive Yule threatened me
But feller, see Jack Frost's ornamental
Art outside: such rich delights, oui?

Meyran Kraus with:

"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
=
"January, one year in office! Let's commemorate it and chat about tougher, deep-level topics... like shitholes and lurid porn star sex." - The U.S.

turnip with:
"January, month of empty pockets! Let us endure this evil month, anxious as a theatrical producer's forehead." - Sidonie Gabrielle Colette =
The Grammys or the one chief executive's state of the union address? Learn to laud South Korea Olympics' brilliant and popular ice jete.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Celebrities that all passed away in 2017
1. Roger Moore
2. Erin Moran
3. Chuck Berry
4. Mary Tyler Moore
5. Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
6. John Hurt
7. Jerry Lewis
8. Glen Campbell
9. Chester Bennington
10. Gregg Allman
11. William Peter Blatty
12. Adam West
13. Buddy Greco
14. Hugh Hefner
15. Tom Petty
16. David Cassidy
17. Fats Domino
18. Keith Chegwin
=
1. Gentleman James Bond
2. 'Happy Days' girl
3. 'Memphis Tennessee' man
4. Was in Dick Van Dyke show
5. Brit 'It girl'
6. 'Elephant Man' actor
7. Comedy actor
8. Country singer
9. Musician
10 - ditto -
11. Writer
12. Batman
13. Crooner
14. Mogul, grew the Playboy firm
15. Heartbreaker
16. Heartthrob
17. Jelly roll guy
18. 'Cheggers'

Died 2017. Farewell to them all.

2nd - David Bourke with:
One night, a passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on his
shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost
control of his cab, nearly collided with a bus, went up onto
the sidewalk, scattering pedestrians, and came to a halt a
few centimetres from a shop. For a second, everything went
silent in the cab, and then the driver said, "Look, don’t you
EVER do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!"
=
The contrite passenger, having apologised to him in an instant,
then commented, "Oh, good heavens! I did not realise how an
unexpected tap could scare and shock so much!". The driver
turned, as white as a glacier, scowled, and replied:
"Oh, it's alright! Look, this is not your total fault". Then
he added, "...to be frank, it's my first night of employment
as a cab driver...I've been driving a hearse for the last
twenty-two years."

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:

Here is a select group from this ever-growing list of male celebrities working in Hollywood and the entertainment industry that are now in trouble for (or have been actually accused of) lewd actions and misdeeds:

Harvey Weinstein
Louis C.K.
Kevin Spacey
Ben Affleck
Jeremy Piven
Dustin Hoffman
Brett Ratner
Steven Seagal
Jeffrey Tambor
Russell Simmons
Charlie Rose
Matt Lauer
Paul Haggis
James Franco

But enough about these idiots... Now let's move on to some other interesting facts:

=

All women in the industry ever accused of such a disgusting thing:

Er, let's see... I think Jennifer Hudson is rumored to be a bit of a jerk?

All female directors that ever won an Oscar:

Only one, Kathryn Bigelow. But...

All female cinematographers even nominated for Oscars:

Basically none. But...

Percentage of female writers in top US grossing movies:

Eleven. But...

Difference between highest-paid US actor and actress last year:

...Over forty million?! OK, this is just awful.

[Why The #MeToo Movement Matters]

Ellie Dent with:
A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening his wife wakes up to find her mother's gone. She rushes to find her husband. He then picks up his rifle and the couple set out to look for her. And then in a small clearing not far from their camp, they chance upon a chilling sight.
~
The pensioner mother-in-law is purple faced, hunched, and is backed up plum against a huge rock with a fierce, menacing lion in front of her. 'Oh, whatever are we gonna do ... run for help?' shrieks the wife. 'No. Nothing', says her husband, 'The lion has got himself into this mess alright. He can get himself out of it.'

Julian Lofts with:
A list of some North American Nuclear Weapons Terminology includes:
1. The 'football'
2. The 'biscuit'
3. The US Commander-in-chief
4. A 'first strike'
=
1. Leather briefcase
2. List of codes
3. Tragicomic Mr Trump isn't a fool
4. We beat the shit out of insane Kim or China
UN say "Listen Mr Dunce - HELL NO!"

Adie Pena with:
Movie and Television Documentaries about Donald Trump*
1. "Trump: What's The Deal?"
2. "You've Been Trumped"
3. "A Dangerous Game"
4. "Michael Moore in TrumpLand"
5. "Trumped: Inside the Greatest Political Upset of All Time"
6. "Trump Unauthorized"
7. "Trump: The Kremlin Candidate?"
=
1. The dream: Biz ventures and relationships
2. Golf course melodrama in Scotland
3. Ditto in Dubrovnik, Croatia
4. Pure momentum at the U.S. elections
5. The triumph: An outwitted Hillary pummelled and dumped
6. Meager memoir: Vague, adulterated
7. Meet a Putin puppet.

Julian Lofts with:
Section Four of Amendment XXV to the United States Constitution: this is an emergency provision that allows the Vice President and members of the Cabinet to declare the President's unfit to carry out the duties of the presidency
=
That tendentious heretic, Donald Trump, exhibits clear signs of paranoid psychosis. Republicans must intervene, vow to testify, have the temerity to exscind the nutter from office and sentence the outcast to detention or demise.

Christopher Davis with:
A lone, unappealing, mean, unpopular, racist US President doesn't seem to greatly understand language, ethics, or government.

=

Demented
Onerous
Nasty
Appalling
Lecherous
Disgusting

Treasonous
Repugnant
Unrepentant
Megalomaniacal
Perverted

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Worst Day Ever?

Today was the absolute worst day ever
So do not bother to convince me
There's plenty of good in every feeble day
Because when you take a closer look
The world's a foul and savage place
Even if we feel or think
There's some small goodness here that could shine through once in a while
Our satisfaction, hope and happiness will not last
And I'm sure it's not true either that
It's all in the mind and heart
Because
Real happiness can be attained
Only where the surroundings are good
It's not true that good exists
I'm sure we can agree that
The reality
Creates
My attitude
Everything is beyond my control
And you'll never in a million years hear me say
Today was one of the best days of my life

[Now read it from bottom to top]

=

Refugees

They don't need our aid
So no, don't say that
Their many tired faces could always be yours and mine
If life dealt a very different hand
We have to see these people for what they really are
Vagrants and scroungers
Layabouts and loungers
With explosives hidden in their sleeves
Insipid cut-throats and thieves
And they're not
Welcome here
We must make them all
Go back to where they came from
They cannot
Share our food
Share our homes
Share our cities
Instead let us
Build a gigantic wall so they won't get in
It's not very nice to say
These people are totally similar to us
A place only belongs to everyone born in it
So don't be so asinine to assume that
The world can be looked at another way

[Now read it from bottom to top]

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A SUBALTERN'S LOVE SONG
A poem by John Betjeman

Miss J. Hunter Dunn, Miss J. Hunter Dunn,
Furnish'd and burnish'd by Aldershot sun,
What strenuous singles we played after tea,
We in the tournament - you against me!

Love-thirty, love-forty, oh! weakness of joy,
The speed of a swallow, the grace of a boy,
With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won,
I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
How mad I am, sad I am, glad that you won,
The warm-handled racket is back in its press,
But my shock-headed victor, she loves me no less.

Her father's euonymus shines as we walk,
And swing past the summer-house, buried in talk,
And cool the verandah that welcomes us in
To the six-o'clock news and a lime-juice and gin.

The scent of the conifers, sound of the bath,
The view from my bedroom of moss-dappled path,
As I struggle with double-end evening tie,
For we dance at the Golf Club, my victor and I.

On the floor of her bedroom lie blazer and shorts,
And the cream-coloured walls are be-trophied with sports,
And westering, questioning settles the sun,
On your low-leaded window, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.

The Hillman is waiting, the light's in the hall,
The pictures of Egypt are bright on the wall,
My sweet, I am standing beside the oak stair
And there on the landing's the light on your hair.

By roads "not adopted", by woodlanded ways,
She drove to the club in the late summer haze,
Into nine-o'clock Camberley, heavy with bells
And mushroomy, pine-woody, evergreen smells.

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn,
I can hear from the car park the dance has begun,
Oh! Surrey twilight! importunate band!
Oh! strongly adorable tennis-girl's hand!

Around us are Rovers and Austins afar,
Above us the intimate roof of the car,
And here on my right is the girl of my choice,
With the tilt of her nose and the chime of her voice.

And the scent of her wrap, and the words never said,
And the ominous, ominous dancing ahead.
We sat in the car park till twenty to one
And now I'm engaged to Miss Joan Hunter Dunn.
=

3rd - MS. JENNIFER JOANNA ANISTON
(Mr. Vernon Kenneth Churchill's unsung love song)

Ms. Jennifer Joanna Aniston
Much too fresh to require Canesten,
I first fell in love when I saw her in 'Friends',
She was stunning and chic as a Mercedes Benz.

Lovelorn and smitten I sent her a cake,
Along with my photograph (hellish mistake)
Said I hoped the sponge was as scrummy as her,
She never replied, though I guess she'd concur.

Ms. Jennifer Joanna, they say faint heart
Can't win fair lady, so I made a start,
To woo her, pursue her and lure her on dates!
Then I bought a flight for the United States.

My wife gave me hell when I voiced my intentions,
I told her it was a dull business convention,
"Convention? You work down the sewers!" she'd crowed,
But I answered "In my job I go with the flow."

Told her the plan was to discuss proposals
On zonal link-ups for sewage disposals,
And my boss had suggested I was the best man,
He'd told them that no one talks crap like I can.

"Hmm, you're so lying," she'd murmured, "but go,
Though I trust this won't mirror that last fiasco,
You chased bombshell Shakira all round the globe,
Till she threatened your end with that long rectal probe!"

Thus, Jenny, I left and came straight to LA,
As I'd heard that's the smart place you dwell in these days,
I found your address and rang on the bell,
There was so very much I was longing to tell.

I'd announce: "I'm Vernon, your number one fan!"
And ask you to dinner, somewhere rather grand,
But the clown who answered informed me that you
Had gone to get married to Justin Theroux!

Ms. Jennifer Joanna Aniston
Hell, what've you done, Jenny? What've you done?
I dumped damn Shakira to run after you,
Now you're set to get wed, such a dumb thing to do!

But I'd made my commitment and if I left now,
I'd maybe rush in before she'd said her vows!
I called for a cab and yelled: "To the venue!
Must catch Jenny-babe before she says 'I do'!"

Now I've wound up in hospital, in an old robe,
Grr... Shakira had lent her that damn rectal probe!
But who's that cute lass on the bedside TV?
Meghan Markle? Ah, she's now the woman for me!

Adie Pena with:
JUMP

I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest all around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real
Oh can't you see me standing here,
I've got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen.
Oh can't you see what I mean?
Might as well jump. Jump!
Might as well jump.
Go ahead, jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump.
Aaa-ohh Hey you! Who said that?
Baby how you been?
You say you don't know, you won't know until you begin.
Well can't you see me standing here,
I've got my back against the record machine
I ain't the worst that you've seen.
Oh can't you see what I mean?
Might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump.
Might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump.

[Instrumental solo]

Might as well jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump.
Get it and jump. Jump!
Go ahead, jump.

=

TRUMP

What a joke, this anomalous John
With jumbo jets. A total jerk, he's just a big con.
Claims he enjoys his daytime job.
In that jumble, he's a racist; he in a jam, a snob!
See a deal tycoon become a loon
Agitating Asia, China with wee juvenile Kim Jong-un.
Hashing junk so picayune
With Jared humming the tune.
Might as well dump Trump!
Whoa, let's go dump!
Oh, go eject Trump!
Go ahead, dump.
Aaa-ohh Hey you! You that ape?
Donald, how have you been?
On a golf junket with coyotes who just love to be seen?
Many thieves have caught you lying!
Anyway, you got to stop that ugly tweeting
The damage we're denying.
You even got me yawning.
Might as well dump Trump!
Women go dump
A huge demagogue Trump!
Away we go dump!

[Instrumental solo]

Just eject that Trump!
Whoopee! They just dump!
Oh, Putin hump Trump!
We all go dump!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
When grandma loses her giant bra ~
her breasts are hanging damn low!

2nd - David Bourke with:
A shithole ~
has the oil!

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Kate Winslet frets about her poor decision ~
to hold Weinstein's obese prick after a tour.
Julian Lofts with:
To speak in a disrespectful way =
Say "Fucker! Asswipe! Tadpole! Nit!"

Adie Pena with:
The homosexuals =
Huh? Same sex tool!

Adie Pena with:
The "shithole countries" remark of Trump =
Truth? He is a simpleton or motherfucker!
The Anagrammy Awards

jr with:
Stormy Daniels =
Dolt's in my arse.

Tom Myers with:
POTUS and the porn star =
rent that pro...pound ass!

Christopher Davis with:
Donald Trump gave hush money to Stormy Daniels ~
and loved to madly hump another young mistress

Julian Lofts with:
Stephanie Gregory Clifford (alias 'Stormy Daniels') =
Mr President clarifies - "Doggy style on sofa." Ha, liar!

Tony Crafter with:
The Colombian singer Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll
=
I am a hip-roller, a babe. I'll make TC's organ* rise (*his knob).

THE GENERAL CATEGORY