1st -
2nd -
3rd -
Adie Pena with:
Cost-benefit analysis =
Yes to best financials!
Brian Taylor with:
The lethal meth doses =
He sells death to them.
Brian Taylor with:
A golden idol =
Old alien god.
David Bourke with:
Is built to last =
It's still about!
Ellie Dent with:
Fat shows ~
who fasts.
Ellie Dent with:
A sorry tale =
Royal tears?
Ellie Dent with:
We see a hot press print ~
the newspaper stories.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Publishing a life history =
His fun biography - I sell it.
Christopher Sturdy with:
A really sharp coring knife =
Ran, fearing a psycho killer.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Passenger trains =
Stress + pain + anger.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Girl often acted hungry ~
getting ready for lunch.
Jon Gearhart with:
Sublime anagrams=
A rambling amuses
John Ramos with:
Massage parlor =
Real orgasm spa.
Meyran Kraus with:
Dimmer sunsets? =
It's Summer's end.
Meyran Kraus with:
The best thing in your world? =
It's your newborn, held tight.
Rosie Perera with:
Tea Party populism ~
applies to Trump, ya?
Rosie Perera with:
Yell at anxious old pervert: ~
"Sexually violent predator!"
Julian Lofts with:
Racist remark =
Karmic arrest.
Julian Lofts with:
“No!” to racist ~
cartoonist.
Tony Crafter with:
Familiarity breeds contempt =
To my best friend I'm a particle :(
View with:
Powers of darkness =
Person's fake words
View with:
Dalliance =
Lad can lie.
View with:
Kinder chocolate ingredients =
Concealed in there, to kid's grin.
1st -
2nd -
3rd -
Adie Pena with:
The children's book of Helen Beatrix Potter =
Do think of her 'oh so excellent' Peter Rabbit.
Adie Pena with:
A list of some singers who only need to go by one name =
So worthy of song -- Adele, Bono, Eminem, Ne-Yo, Seal, Sting.
Brian Taylor with:
'Waiting For The Miracle' (the song) =
Mr. Cohen writes hit tale of aging.
David Bourke with:
The album 'Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The Piano Player' =
Lamentable motormouth Elton, in his pop heyday.
Ellie Dent with:
The ceiling art of the Sistine Chapel in Rome =
Hint: it's THE fresco painter, i.e. Michelangelo.
Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's Autumn on the Seine, Argenteuil =
Cue late sun theme: need a luminous orange tint.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Ultimate - Bryan Adams =
Many rated it as album.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The Silence of the Lambs =
The calm one bites flesh.
Meyran Kraus with:
'Always Look On the Bright Side of Life' =
Whistle off-key to Brian: "All is good, eh?"
Tony Crafter with:
'Full Disclosure' by the porn actress Stormy Daniels =
'He's small' story publicly ruins oaf Don's street cred.
View with:
Reality show "Total Divas" =
Hot TV ladies always riot.
1st -
2nd -
3rd -
Adie Pena with:
The NYT's anonymous Op-Ed writer =
Yes, now Trump annoys the editor!
Adie Pena with:
The social media skills of President Donald Trump =
Peddled shit! Small kids' opinions are more tactful.
Adie Pena with:
Christine Blasey Ford v. Brett Kavanaugh =
Brave; frank v. Ready but hostile; scathing.
Brian Taylor with:
First face transplant =
Transfer intact flaps.
David Bourke with:
The Portuguese tennis umpire Carlos Ramos =
Might impose rule, as Serena erupts on court.
David Bourke with:
It's a likelihood of another secret baby, to ~
the Stoke City footballer Saido Berahino.
David Bourke with:
And so, reluctantly, a terrible 'tache no more on ~
the late American actor Burton Leon Reynolds.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Hurricane Florence (downgraded to Tropical Storm) ~
points to harrowing force turned (or declared) calm.
Ellie Dent with:
Monsieur Michel Barnier =
Member in rich EU rails NO!
Ellie Dent with:
Charles Hodges has died =
'Dear old Chas.' she sighed.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Christopher Evans has resigned from BBC Radio Two ~
when broadcaster Virgin poached this former boss.
Meyran Kraus with:
The favorite presidential phrase "FAKE NEWS!" =
I find it's the plan to have a weaker Free Press.
Rosie Perera with:
Global climate destabilization =
Diabolical! It's ablaze to melting.
Rosie Perera with:
Google is twenty years old =
Do say it: Sergey got on well.
Rosie Perera with:
President Trump, the laughingstock =
Ugh! UN snickered at lightest prompt.
Rosie Perera with:
The Republican Party's "Southern Strategy" =
Hungry nutters thereby appeal to racists.
Rosie Perera with:
An anonymous op-ed column in the New York Times ~
mentions "lodestar".... Ah, my noun; you know I'm Pence.
Julian Lofts with:
‘Administrative coup d’etat’ =
Trump’s an idiot - deactivate!
Julian Lofts with:
Newspaper of Uranus =
Press unaware of pun.
Julian Lofts with:
The UK fashion designer Victoria Caroline Beckham =
Hark, I’m inclined to stick a bag over her heinous face.
Julian Lofts with:
Punish busted entertainer Bill Cosby =
Put insolent US celebrity behind bars.
Julian Lofts with:
The Puerto Rican mayor says ~
“Oh yes, Trump’s a reactionary.”
Julian Lofts with:
The “most sound-minded” president? =
Dishonest Don Trump is demented.
Tony Crafter with:
North Korea promises that it will denuclearise =
Is Kim's new doctrine a true, other path? Or all lies?
1st -
2nd -
3rd -
Adie Pena with:
The singer Madonna =
A damn song in there!
Adie Pena with:
The painter Picasso =
He's a nice pop artist.
Adie Pena with:
The Beatle Ringo Starr =
Real honest, great Brit.
David Bourke with:
Fenella Marion Fielding, OBE =
Adorable, feminine, long life.
David Bourke with:
Roderick Stewart =
Worst, dire racket!
David Bourke with:
Charles Nicholas Hodges =
Long-cherished as ol' "Chas".
David Bourke with:
Valerie Singleton OBE =
Negro lesbian love tie?
David Bourke with:
Lord Ivar Mountbatten =
Bottom-driven natural.
David Bourke with:
The painter Pablo Picasso =
"I be Spain's top art chap" - ¡Olé!
Ellie Dent with:
President Trump =
Trends trip me up.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Chief negotiator, Monsieur Michel Bernard Barnier =
Hier, L'Frog dit au Brit "Bon! Mais rien ne marche encore!"
Meyran Kraus with:
Brett Michael Kavanaugh =
Attack human girl? Behave!
Meyran Kraus with:
Professor Christine Blasey Ford =
Boys scarred this person for life.
Meyran Kraus with:
USA president Donald Trump =
Super-old stupid man ranted.
Meyran Kraus with:
1. Connery
2. Lazenby
3. Moore
4. Dalton
5. Brosnan
6. Craig
=
1. Cool
2. Rarest Bond
3. Corny
4. Lame
5. Annoying
6. Brazen
Julian Lofts with:
The musician Troyal Garth Brooks =
Er, this big Oklahoma country star.
Tony Crafter with:
Mister Robert Peter "Robbie" Williams =
Bi-polar, bit-remiss rebel - or mere twit?
View with:
Christine Blasey Ford =
Sir had teens forcibly.
1st -
2nd -
3rd -
Adie Pena with:
The Church of the Sagrada Família, Barcelona, Spain =
Antoni Gaudi's chapel of faith has a cerebral charm.
David Bourke with:
Storm Bronagh ~
harms GB...or not?
David Bourke with:
The West Indies ‡
It needs whites.
David Bourke with:
World Suicide Prevention Day =
Don't die, live! And screw you, "RIP"!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The National Railroad Passenger Corporation =
Another option to airplanes or land carriages.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Hurricane Florence =
Unclear force in her.
Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
The Trojan Horse =
josh or threaten?
Ellie Dent with:
The Writers' Association =
Creation: as with stories.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Queensland Strawberry Growers Association =
"Needles sow terror"
So what? Big scary quarantines!
Meyran Kraus with:
An elegant Brit's wish? =
Twinings Herbal Teas.
Rosie Perera with:
Hurricane Rosa =
A car hurries on.
Julian Lofts with:
The Standard American Diet ~
is charred and tainted meat.
Tony Crafter with:
Beano Anti Gas Tablets =
As in: 'Beat a gent's bloat'.
1st -
2nd -
3rd -
Adie Pena with:
John Lennon – his five greatest solo tracks
5. Gimme Some Truth
4. Oh My Love
3. Jealous Guy
2. Imagine
1. #9 Dream
=
5. The scornful me
4. Yoko Ono's single gem
3. Gave my high testimonial
2. He's just a dreamer...
1. Revolution Jam #9.
David Bourke with:
The Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking Festival, in County Clare, Ireland =
A charmingly traditional annual event... Micks search to find love!
David Bourke with:
The Australian singer and actress Kylie Ann Minogue, OBE =
"I shriek tuneless garbage...an asinine, atonal Country-E.D.M."
David Bourke with:
The pedestrian crossing at Abbey Road Studios, North West London =
The Beatles (and bystander) posing in the road...tourists soon crowd!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step." - Chinese proverb =
First you start to serve a neighbor, and then the happiness will come. - Jesus
Dharam Khalsa with:
Everyone who is in the US must know the GOP (i.e. the Republican gang) is short for the Grand Old Party...
=
I think of that cult:
Gun Owners' Power
Gouty Oily Pervs
Grandiose Obedient Peers
Harsh? Hang them!
Ellie Dent with:
Little Timmy was a known troublemaker, stealing everything he could find.
One day a priest stopped him, saying, "Where is God?" ~
Tim, feeling upset, ran away to escape Rev.
Elderly lady: "What's wrong?"
"I'm in deep trouble! God's missing and they think I took him!"
Christopher Sturdy with:
Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel and misinterpret what other people mean.
=
Dee, who sent:
"Hello"
Meant:
I am lonely, I worry, I want a hug.
Man's optimistic bent:
I expect I'm up for a treat.
Meyran Kraus with:
Everyone who is in the US must know the GOP (i.e. the Republican gang) is short for the Grand Old Party...=
But now they learn that those words mean:
- Gathering Of Phonies
- Greedy Oil Pricks
- Gush Over Putin
Rosie Perera with:
It's not every year that International Talk Like a Pirate Day coincides with Yom Kippur.
=
Intent: I tried to elicit terror in tot, kin: I wear a skullcap (kippah), and say, "Ahoy vey, matey!"
Julian Lofts with:
The recent eventful US Open Women’s Final
1. Patrick Mouratoglou
2. Carlos Ramos
3. Serena Williams
4. Naomi Osaka
=
Isn’t normal
1. A coach makes a mistake
2. A Portuguese umpire frowns on faults
3. Mean, volatile loser
4. Cool winner.
Julian Lofts with:
The chairman of US carmaker Tesla resigns over SEC federal law violation complaint =
Charismatic, arrogant, overassertive Elon Musk. He is a compliant felon. Farewell cad.
Tony Crafter with:
This Year's Top Ten Names for Boys (per 'Country Living')
1. Muhammad
2. Oliver
3. Noah
4. George
5. Harry
6. Leo
7. Charlie
8. Jack
9. Freddie
10. Alfie
=
1. Founder of Islam
2. Ragged boy thief
3. Made the Ark
4. Ever so royal
5. I'm a prince
6. Lion
7. A right one!
8. As in sh*t?
9. Mercury!
10. Ever-jolly chap?
1st -
2nd -
3rd -
Adie Pena with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
Achieving a tweet on a covfefe,
Too blatant Trump is like a penny –
Two-faced and perhaps worthless.
The nation is in a horrible mess!
Adie Pena with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
When Bruce became Caitlyn, how people marveled at the alteration of his finest pants to new skirts and/or of his penis to a vagina.
Brian Taylor with:
One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
The television star appeared at an off-screen event, talking amphibiously: both as himself, and in character. Wow! Two poets in one!!
David Bourke with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons!
A natural perspective, that is and is not!"
from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
The First Nincompoop: " What a year! Here I stand,
a billionaire, but a man who knows...despite all the
constant negative press covfefe!"
David Bourke with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!"
from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
Unattached Orsino fell for Cesario (name-swapping Viola),
then wept for pretty Olivia...and she then becomes taken
with Sebastian!
David Bourke with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!"
from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
What interesting parts the Bard can write!
That Viola woman's one instance...she's a plain keeper!
If music be the food of love, play on!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons!
A natural perspective, that is and is not!"
from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
We have two half-presidents:
(one) manifestation of stagnant, bribery politics;
and
(two) a pathetic chameleon, or even a risk!
Help us!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
Viola and Sebastian may be twins (not certain to fans); when the girl Viola opts to dress up like a chap, then we meet proof in her face!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
To oversimplify the plot, twins have been separated in a boat wreck; the girl heroine puts on man's fashion and locates a twin face.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
An offense happened. We'll prove it!
--Christine Blasey Ford
So what! I'm innocent. It was past retaliation. Choose me!
--Brett Kavanaugh
Dharam Khalsa with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons!
A natural perspective, that is and is not!"
from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
Like Trump's phone conversations,
Entirely false fabrications;
Ah, what a tangled web he weaves!
The top spider of contamination!
Ellie Dent with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
He is TWO-faced:
He's an able man?
Evil opportunist
Inspiration?
Hawk here
Maybe gentle dove?
Consternation ...
What face to slap first?
Ellie Dent with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
'I have one heart and bos'm, and no wench has, or will mistress be of it yet I, alone.'
Viola acts up, perfecting that pet fake twin persona.
Ellie Dent with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
The blithe Viola appears different in it, presenting as Cesario to actively fool men. But then 's/he' enchants a woman. Oops, awkward!
Ellie Dent with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
Love is a bond; we twain
Hold hope. Yet an act
Methinks, then tisn't wise.
Brave men can suffer pain,
Rot o'er it perhaps
A catalog of lies.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
It's always been the same -
Don't see cavalier approach.
Ironic to think
Oh, vote in blind anger
The people want a fast win
Suffer most.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare=
Ironic to think few people that vote in blind anger see that cavalier approach; win and soon suffer most.
It's always been the same.
Jon Gearhart with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
one, one, one and two is five
they're but a few
among the faceless crowd
participators in silent protest
all have a kinship
"BAN MATH"
Meyran Kraus with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare =
One inept POTUS, twin brains! Even if that face who's talking is apparently American, there's a Moscow feel to the Donald's behavior!
Meyran Kraus with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
'Fear' by Putin
I have one twin, so gross and fat -
The frail old creep can't con me...
I'll know this ass won't be a rat -
I have this pee tape on me!
Meyran Kraus with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare =
"Oh please, I know what Twelfth Night is and anyone cool does! It's the Copacabana's Free Martini open-bar after eleven visits!" --Trump
Meyran Kraus with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
Bleak Confession
I have a twin, Vince Poltenson -
That poor chap's fate felt grim;
I passed away - but later on,
The one interred was him!
Rosie Perera with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
"One Don, one Eric, one Barron, two daughters." That fool can thank "a few wives, my mistresses, an insatiable pelvic appetite." Pah! Filth!
Rosie Perera with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
The meek nun in a rag habit became a wolf, pontificated: "No, I can avow it's THREE persons: Father, Son, Holy Spirit! And twelve apostles!"
Tony Crafter with:
"One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons! A natural perspective, that is and is not!" from "Twelfth Night" by William Shakespeare
=
Viola, a woman, disguises herself as a man to better win the approval of society.
Can the inept plot backfire on her wants in the end?
1st -
2nd -
3rd -
Adie Pena with:
Paul McCartney’s Five Greatest Solo Songs
5. Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey
4. Live and Let Die
3. Too Many People
2. Band on the Run
1. Maybe I’m Amazed
=
5. 'Celebrities' from the "Ram" album
4. Made a Bond theme song
3. An angry man openly analyzes past
2. Suite: Could I ever escape?
1. Totally loved Linda.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Question:
How many people does it take to change a light bulb on a Facebook group?
Answer:
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
4 more posters to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs, and to mention how your light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 purists who only use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb'.
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as &#%!ing stupid.
22 to tell those 6 to stop being jackasses.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp'.
15 know-it-alls who claim to have previously worked in the industry, and that 'light bulb', not 'lamp', is totally correct.
49 to post memes and/or gifs.
19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take their &#%!ing memes and discussion to another page.
11 to defend the posting to this page saying, "Come on! We all use light bulbs, and therefore the posts are relevant here."
16 to post 'Following'.
36 to debate which method of changing these light bulbs is superior, where to purchase light bulbs, which brands of light bulbs work better for this technique, and which brands are S#!+.
~
19 to question if the light bulbs being implemented are dependable or worth the cash.
7 to defend others, "If they like their own bulbs best, they should use them."
6 to post photographs of natural alternative bulbs.
16 to snarl, "I can't see S#!+", pushing regular glass light bulbs.
6 to post URLs on the web where one can explore and judge pictures of light bulbs, and weigh the user feedback, too.
4 to highlight incorrect URLs and post the correct URLs.
7 to post that they will no longer post and are leaving, since they can't handle the &#%!ing light bulb debate.
6 to tip off admin because they saw the filthy word '&#%!ing' and wish to ban a wrongdoer.
22 to ask if there is a flounce in progress.
245 trolls to post flounce memes.
9 grumps to say, "Heck, didn't we go through all this a short while ago?"
11 to advise, "Go do a search on light bulb facts before posting paragraph-long questions about them."
1 to bring politics to the discussion by bashing the unimpeachable politician (name withheld), "Not the brightest bulb!"
13 chumps to spur a harsh debate and egg on attacks based on political opinions.
6 admins to ban somebody who takes the fight too seriously.
1 straggler who got involved 6 months after all the hubbub, commenting on posts, rekindling the hubbub.
Dharam Khalsa with:
From "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown (for spiritual rejuvenation)
Letting Go Of:
1. What People Think
2. Perfectionism
3. Numbing and Powerlessness
4. Scarcity and Fear of the Dark
5. Need for Certainty
6. Comparison
7. Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth
8. Anxiety as a Lifestyle
9. Self Doubt and "Supposed To"
10. Being Cool and "Always in Control"
~
Cultivate:
1. Authenticity
2. Self Compassion
3. A Resilient Spirit
4. Gratitude and Joy
5. Intuition and Trusting Faith
6. Creativity
7. Play and Rest
8. Calm and Stillness
9. Meaningful Work
10. Laughter, Song and Dance
To Offer My Expansions on Dr. Brown's book:
* A Hobby
* Comfort for People
* Empathy for Others' Needs
* Exuberance for Life
* Slow Down
* Foster Peace
* Baby Steps
Now, piss off!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Who will believe thee, Isabel?
My unsoil'd name, the austereness of my life,
My vouch against you, and my place i' the state,
Will so your accusation overweigh,
That you shall stifle in your own report
And smell of calumny...
Say what you can, my false o'erweighs your true."
-- Measure for Measure II.iv
=
I've urg'd you stuffy paunchy Senators, you soulless men,
To allow the FBI to resume a lawful investigation;
Howe'er, you cowardly men slyly lie 'tis not a usual FBI role (fallacy);
Meanwhile, a mischievous guy may "have" a wee maid,
Without any ethics, shame, remorse, or penalty...e'ermore.
-- Christine
Dharam Khalsa with:
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off work."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and you'll see." Then she hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss enters the room and asks, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "Haven't you ever seen a light bulb?"
~
It stuns the boss. "What?! You've been working so hard that you've managed to lose your mind!
Perhaps you need the day off, maybe a week...or months."
With that warning, the employee shows herself out.
The man follows, and the boss asks, "Wait a second, just where are you going?"
The man declares, "I'm leaving as well. I can't work in the dark!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Nine SCOTUS Justices:
1. John Roberts (Chief)
2. Ruth Bader Ginsburg
3. Clarence Thomas
4. Stephen Breyer
5. Elena Kagan
6. Samuel Alito
7. Sonia Sotomayor
8. Neil Gorsuch
9. __?__
=
1. Chairperson
2. ACLU Agreement
3. Southern Rights
4. Eagle Scout
5. Obama Care Adherent
6. Bush Nominee
7. Ethnic Justness
8. Originalist
9. Schoolboy/Fratboy Jerk, unless...
Ellie Dent with:
Why did I get divorced? Well, let me explain. Last week it was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot ... and the kids. I went into work and none of my colleagues wished me a happy birthday ... none!
As I continued to enter the familiar office, a favourite secretary of ours, Gwennie said: "Happy birthday, boss!"
I felt special! Oh yes! Then, to my surprise she asked me out ... lunch, maybe?
~
Afterwards she invited me to her city apartment. When at the flat she asked coyly, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "OK," I said.
She came out a few minutes later with a birthday cake with whipped cream; my wife; children - baby Poppy, heavy-eyed; parents; and twenty-odd friends and colleagues yelling noisily: "SURPRISE!!!"
I was simply waiting sheepishly on the sofa ... naked but for my boxers.
Christopher Sturdy with:
'Punch is such a droll, diverting vagabond, that even those who have witnessed his crimes are irresistibly seduced into laughter by his grotesque antics and his cynical bursts of merriment, which render him such a strange combination of the demon and the buffoon.'
- Thomas Frost, The Old Showmen, 1881
=
Trump is every inch as bad as Bill Cosby (81). The harsh way America's Chief carries on brings disgrace to his nation and the whole world.
Don't shoot him - it lets the craven thug off (but oh, quite ironic if the gun control he shunned shut down the fascism!)
Send a message, vote in hundreds.
November '18 mid-terms
Meyran Kraus with:
The Five Most Astounding Coincidences in History:
5. Mark Twain and Halley's Comet: This American author seems to have some sort of interesting link with Halley's Comet. He was born in 1835, merely a fortnight after Comet Halley's closest approach to Earth - and died in 1910, just one day after its next approach.
4. The Fortunate Reenactment: After Australian Bill Morgan was dead for more than ten minutes following a major medical issue and later regained his health, he celebrated this miraculous recuperation by going out and buying a scratch card - then joyfully saw he had just won a nice car. But even more perplexingly, after a news reporter asked him to reenact this good fortune for the camera, Bill bought another card - and saw that he had won 250 thousand dollars.
=
3. A Titan Curse: Author Morgan Robertson's novella "Futility" featured an April maiden voyage of an enormous luxury liner called Titan, claimed to be flawless and unsinkable - but the mammoth ship crashes right into the tip of an iceberg, gets damaged and sinks. 14 years later, the exact same traumatic thing actually occurred on the Titanic - also in April.
2. The Tragic 50th Anniversary: American founders James Monroe, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams all died on July Fourth - but what's more, the last two perished precisely 50 years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence that they had once helped create.
1. World's Most Awkward Car Crash: In 1895, there were only two running cars in the whole state of Ohio - but somehow both managed to crash into each other.
Julian Lofts with:
Ten Selected Famous Male Chefs are:
1. Auguste Escoffier
2. Gordon Ramsay
3. Anthony Bourdain
4. Jamie Oliver
5. Marco Pierre White
6. Heston Blumenthal
7. Alain Ducasse
8. Paul Bocuse
9. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
10. Rick Stein
=
1. ‘King of chefs’. Haute cuisine
2. Ugly swearing
3. Suicide
4. Lisp
5. Made upstart Ramsay blubber, ha!
6. Molecular gastronomy. A talented Jew.
7. French nouvelle cuisine
8. Three Michelin star honor
9. A real food man
10. Taste of the sea
Julian Lofts with:
“In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country” says President Trump
=
Hmm, utter nonsense, a myth! An asinine fool, liar, moron, idiot, spy! Oh listen, why can’t a psychiatrist treat your hatred, narcissism and toadyism, Mr POTUS?
Tony Crafter with:
A tourist in Vienna is walking through a graveyard when all of a sudden he hears eerie music.
No one else is around, so he starts to look for its source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone reading: 'Here lies Ludwig van Beethoven'.
Then he realises that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backwards!
Baffled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the graveside, the music has changed.
This time it is the Seventh Symphony but, just like the previous piece, it is playing backwards.
Curious, the men decide to consult a classical music scholar.
When they return with him, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.
The scholar works out that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed: i.e; the ninth, then the seventh, followed by the fifth.
By the following day word has spread, and a crowd has gathered around the grave.
They are all listening to the Second Symphony, again backwards.
Just then, the graveyard caretaker walks up to the group.
Someone in the group asks him if he has any explanation for the music.
"I would think it is fairly obvious," he says.
"He's decomposing."
**
=
An archaeologist, digging in an Israeli desert, came across a sarcophagus containing a mummy.
After investigating in depth, he phoned the curator of a public museum to report: "I've just discovered the three-thousand-year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure."
"Well, bring it in," said the curator, "I'll check if you're right."
Six weeks later, he phoned back and announced: "Your hypothesis was right about both the age and the cause of death! How the hell did you know that?"
"It was easy," said the man. "There was a shabby piece of parchment in his hand saying: 'Ten thousand shekels on Goliath.'"
**
A very ill man named Vern wakes up in his hospital bed and calls for the doctor. "Be honest," he says. "I know I'm getting progressively sicker and I'm prepared for death, but how long have I got?"
"Er... honest assessment? I'll be very surprised if you survived the night," says the physician gravely.
"Right," says Vern, "Kindly fetch my lawyer."
When the lawyer arrives, Vern asks for the physician to stand one side of the bed with the lawyer standing on the other. He then closes his eyes.
After several minutes, the physician asks Vern what he's thinking about.
Vern replies: "Well, In the Bible, Jesus Christ died with a thief on each side of him. I thought I'd check out the same way."
**
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3rd -
Adie Pena with:
SEPTEMBER
by Lucy Maud Montgomery
Lo! a ripe sheaf of many golden days
Gleaned by the year in autumn's harvest ways,
With here and there, blood-tinted as an ember,
Some crimson poppy of a late delight
Atoning in its splendor for the flight
Of summer blooms and joys
This is September.
SEPTEMBER
by Eugene Levich
Old friends
Autumn leaves
Falling
One by One
SEPTEMBER
by Linda Ori
Brilliant blue splattered
With crayola colored leaves -
Wind blown and tattered.
Frost on the pumpkins
Corn stalks shocked in silent rows
Like country bumpkins.
=
SEPTEMBER
Separated badly from the warm worthwhile sun,
Tempted often by the stolen summer fun.
Berries and bananas in bountiful decay,
Sepals and petals awfully dying on a lei.
Temperatures innocently dropping fast;
Beryl-colored evolving moons do not last.
Sepia-stained blanket on my thin sickened limbs,
Temporarily hanging on to my immovable whims.
Beribboned bicycles undertook the heavy loads,
Sepulchres line the neglected dusty roads,
Temples rise against the horrible sulking sky.
Bereft of hope, I dream of tomorrow's July.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Crocodile Song
She sailed away
On a sunny summer day,
On the back of a crocodile.
“You see,” said she,
“He's as tame as he can be,
I'll ride him down the Nile.”
Well, the croc winked his eye
As she waved them all goodbye,
Wearing a happy smile.
At the end of the ride,
The lady was inside,
And the smile
Was on the crocodile!
=
Downgraded Hurricane Florence
A macho man who is fearless
Decided the eye seemed harmless,
"Honey, we'll stay inside - it's cool."
Yet, the weather seemed abysmal,
Its condition eerie and dismal;
His alley is now a deep pool.
The highway began to buckle,
And his son said with a chuckle,
"Yeah! We don't have a school!"
Ellie Dent with:
The brilliant poppy flaunts her head
Amidst the ripening grain,
And adds her voice to sell the song
That August's here again.
- Helen Winslow
=
The gold sun glitter'd then; on high
Appeared a giant, shining ball.
Until 'neath it yes, we see
Christmas ads pervade in Fall.
- Shop owner author
Ellie Dent with:
MONKS
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He does not sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We cannot tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the unhappy man is forced to leave. Years later, intrigued and after never being able to quite forget that seductive sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.
The monks reply, "We cannot tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "If the sole, the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful, lovely sound is to become a monk, then please, do make me a monk."
The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. And when you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task. After decades of searching he returns, a gray-haired old man, and knocks on the thick wooden door of the monastery. Whereupon, a grizzled old monk answers and he is then taken before all the assembled monks.
~
"In my backbreaking quest to find what makes that breathtaking, enchantress's sound, I traveled the earth, found what you asked and returned. By design, the world's momentous, being in an extraordinary state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask.
I guess all any sage, an humanitarian man can know is himself, but only then if he's an honest nature: reflective and willing to strip away smugness, unnecessary crassness or self deception."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."
The monks lead the man to a dark, dank wooden door, where the head monk murmurs encouragingly: "The sound's beyond that door."
They give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind that door is another, made of remarkably thick stone. The man's given the key to the stone one and he opens it, thunderstruck to find a sunken door made of ruby. And so it seems to his amazement that he needs keys to big extravagant doors made of rare gems: stunning emerald, pearl and diamond. Heavens, such excess!
Finally, as they come to a chunky gold door, the sound has become very clear. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man's askance, apprehensive. Behind that door frame's the answer ... his life's wish.
Fearful and trembling, he unlocks it, slowly pushing it open. And falling to his knees, he's amazed to discover the source of that haunting sound...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Alas, I can't tell you what it is, of course, because, remember, you are not a monk.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Fifteen - William Stafford
South of the bridge on Seventeenth
I found back of the willows one summer
day a motorcycle with engine running
as it lay on its side, ticking over
slowly in the high grass. I was fifteen.
I admired all that pulsing gleam, the
shiny flanks, the demure headlights
fringed where it lay; I led it gently
to the road, and stood with that
companion, ready and friendly. I was fifteen.
We could find the end of a road, meet
the sky on out Seventeenth. I thought about
hills, and patting the handle got back a
confident opinion. On the bridge we indulged
a forward feeling, a tremble. I was fifteen.
Thinking, back farther in the grass I found
the owner, just coming to, where he had flipped
over the rail. He had blood on his hand, was pale -
I helped him walk to his machine. He ran his hand
over it, called me good man, roared away.
I stood there, fifteen.
=
Fifteen - A child reflecting
In an old familiar room in September
I spoke for a final time to my mother
a few years ago. I recall she was sleepy
as she lay on her side, her sickness
taking over. I wasn't yet thirty.
We talked of the past, the fun
and laughter, of music, family highlights
and of nothing. Wishing her well - that I could not do.
An intelligent, silent companion is a
friend indeed. She was fifty-nine.
The end of the road, it is nigh, and mother died
at dawn - her soul in the sky on the tenth.
It did stop... and then the future,
continued to unfold with a forward feeling
and a tremble. The day we die is finite.
Thinking back, father was loving and totally engaged
through the overwhelming havoc. Had he flipped,
wobbled we would have joined, to aid, hug, bring him
back to earth, where he is comfortable.
And grounded. A good man on a hillside.
We stood there, fifteen.
Meyran Kraus with:
Under the Harvest Moon
(A Carl Sandburg poem)
Under the harvest moon,
When the soft silver
Drips shimmering
Over the garden nights,
Death, the gray mocker,
Comes and whispers to you
As a beautiful friend
Who remembers.
Under the summer roses
When the flagrant crimson
Lurks in the dusk
Of the wild red leaves,
Love, with little hands,
Comes and touches you
With a thousand memories,
And asks you
Beautiful, unanswerable questions.
=
Those Fresh Tributes from the Garden
How vast is Summer's vivid wealth!
The labor also kept us strong
When weakened and in dismal health -
Indeed, true labor can't go wrong.
A sunray makes them succulent,
Some drop may sate their humbler needs;
No arduous requirements:
They form, survive - and we can feed...
Life heaps a lot of stress on us,
Which makes us cherish even more
The multihued, harmonious
And stunning world right by the door.
Tony Crafter with:
WHEN YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL
By
Ronan Keating
It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Try as they may, they can never define
What's been said between your heart and mine
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all.
Oh, the smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
(The smile on your face)
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
(The truth in your eyes)
(The touch of your hand)
You say it best, when you say nothing at all
(Let me know that you need me)
You say it best, when you say nothing at all.
=
YOU SAY NOTHING AT ALL (A TUNE)
A timely conversation between a Father and Son.
"Listen my boy, you are nineteen, you'll marry one day
Hence, as your pa there are things that I need to say,
Concerning women and how they behave,
They're a conundrum you'll take to your grave.
"So let me tell you how to live with a new wife
With some healthy advice you can carry through your life.
When you come home late and she's waiting for you in the hall,
Here's what you say: You say sweet nothin' at all.
"Every day she will tell you you're lazy, you're crude,
But listen to me, when she taunts you, you need to be shrewd,
Try as you may, hey, you never can win,
So say that you're sorry, then take out the bin.
"The only way, truly, is not to enrage her.
Try everything that you can to assuage her,
And even though you will feel you're a ninny, a fool,
You'll see it's best, when you say nothing at all."
"Yeah, but pa, my mum left you for another guy,
He is hugely wealthy and funny, my my,
So how can you actually face me and have the gall.
To tell me 'it's best, if you say nothing at all.'"
"Yet look at me now son, I've a cute young Thai bride,
My Yuna is loyal, she stays by my side,
(How loyal, how young)
And what is nice - Yuna says nothin' at all.
(Yuna keeps it shut)
(Yuna keeps her mouth shut)
And, you know the best thing? She excels in the sack!"
("Yeah, that much is true!)
Shit...! Forget that remark, pa, I said nothing at all!"
1st -
2nd -
3rd -
Adie Pena with:
From Bruce to Caitlyn =
Firm boy to clear cunt.
Adie Pena with:
The sexual missionary position
=
In our sixties, I'm on top as she lay.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Thirty point four eight centimeters ...? Reveal answer: ~
a foot! ("My twelve inch penis" isn't true, I rather regret)
Christopher Sturdy with:
A wedding anniversary =
Randy vagina wideners.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Fucking lines of latest cars ~
stuck in Los Angeles traffic.
Meyran Kraus with:
A 'Please Don't Forget To Wash Your Hands' sign
=
What a rash guy DOESN'T do after one long piss.
Rick Rothstein with:
Bert and Ernie (Sesame Street), ~
"Rear end's a better semen site."
Julian Lofts with:
Ang Lee directs the film ‘Brokeback Mountain’ =
Homo men date girls, lie, fuck bareback in tent.
Tony Crafter with:
'Full Disclosure' by the porn actress Stormy Daniels =
Hurtfully records Don's erect penis as: "Boy, it's small!"