Nominations for Spetember, 2015

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A present we get on Christmas Day =
Some itchy sweater Grandpa sent.

2nd - View with:
The excrement's ~ extreme stench!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Heavy snow forecast =
Very often saw chaos

View with:
Always honest ‡
Steals anyhow

View with:
Mean girl =
A gremlin

Simeon Galavar with:
Everyone wears underpants. =
We're very sane, no nude parts.

Valery Silivanov with:
I love fries. =
Life is over.

David Bourke with:
Simeon Galavar / George Missailidis =
"See, sir, I am a massive gigolo, darling!"

Simeon Galavar with:
Believing ‡
Being evil.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Calm down, ~
mad clown.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Tibetan Buddhist prayer flags =
Bright art bands, safely tied up.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Existing ‡
Exit sign

Christopher Sturdy with:
To tender a resignation =
Innate desire to go rant.

Brian Taylor with:
Ancestral homeland =
A man's old clan there.

Tony Crafter with:
A male dinosaur =
Aroused animal.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The anti retroviral drugs =
Treating adult's HIV error?

Simeon Galavar with:
I don't want to go to school! =
What? It's not cool, not good?

Christopher Sturdy with:
Lead singer =
A legend, sir.

Simeon Galavar with:
Old and triumphant. ‡
A hint: Donald Trump!

Rosie Perera with:
An accidental deletion =
Cancel an edit; not ideal.

Julian Lofts with:
Political synergy ~
spying erotically.

Ellie Dent with:
Curse of a ~
sour face.

Ellie Dent with:
A short and sweet anagram =
Ha! Smart one gets an award.

Simeon Galavar with:
Deep thought ‡
the dope thug.

Valery Silivanov with:
Mixing letters? =
Next time, girls.

Adie Pena with:
An American president ~
can remain pedestrian.

Meyran Kraus with:
Extra-big emu egg in a deep tin can =
Unexpected Item In Bagging Area!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
D.J. Trump CV sez why IQ FX go blank

Meyran Kraus with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
D.J. Trump flaws: Cozy HQ, KGB, vixen...

Brian Taylor with:
Action dreams =
Dramatic ones!

Simeon Galavar with:
Resort Activities =
Retire, visit coast

Dharam Khalsa with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
Phlegmy WV Fox czar: "DJT's IQ? Bunk!"

Valery Silivanov with:
I am molested. =
Do smile at me.

Colleen Parkin with:
The vorpal sword =
word lovers path

Colleen Parkin with:
If God can edit a reality... ~
delayed gratification.

Rosie Perera with:
Don't want that eerie plate? A pity. Oh, ~
donate it to a white elephant party.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The larger brain =
A bright learner.

Meyran Kraus with:
Itchy sweater ‡
Sweet charity.

AH with:
"One giant leap for mankind" =
One giant mad prank of Neil.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Love is the Bridge between you and everything." - Rumi =
This dreamer! Unity would be given to every being, eh?

Simeon Galavar with:
"Big red ~ bridge!"

Julian Lofts with:
I whisper an essential fact, argue ~
Christ was a Palestinian refugee.

Julian Lofts with:
Time’s up for ~
Trump is foe.

Rosie Perera with:
#dogsofinstagram =
Tag for mass doing.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The song 'Twelve Days of Christmas' =
"Several modest gifts? Why not cash?!"

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Hans Christian Andersen's 'The Little Match Girl' =
Chillness in that heart-rending Christmas tale.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Smokey Robinson and the Miracles =
Harmonisers back notes in melody

Brian Taylor with:
Fox Mulder is ~
Mr. X-Files duo.

David Bourke with:
The original Stradivarius instrument =
Art! I must insure this darn great violin!

Julian Lofts with:
Recent film ‘The Girl in the Spider’s Web’ is ~
big Swedish feminist thriller pretence.

Ellie Dent with:
'The Girl in the Spider's Web' =
There swirled the big spin!

View with:
American animated sitcom "The Flintstones" =
Modern life at ancient times. Hoist-man's act.

Dharam Khalsa with:
American animated sitcom "The Flintstones" =
I smiled at cat, then man's feet in car's motion!

View with:
The Reality show "That’s Incredible!" =
Talents showed rich ability there

Adie Pena with:
The Art of the Deal by Donald Trump (and Tony Schwartz) =
And that brazen fellow produced that story and myth.

Tony Crafter with:
ITunes Top Xmas Song in 2018 - 'All I Want for Christmas is You'=
Mariah Carey's gift solution post is:
Man. 18-20. Lust in snow. x

Adie Pena with:
"Still Life with Compote, Apples and Oranges" =
Can't well-paid people long for this Matisse?

Ellie Dent with:
'Still Life with a Magnolia': Henri Matisse =
This, his floral image, it's well, inanimate!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Tennyson wrote, "Ring out the false, ring in the true" =
Greet the New Year in song, or truthful intentions!

Tony Crafter with:
The Christmas compilations =
This commercial tat in shops.

Valery Silivanov with:
Fairy Tale 'Little Red Riding Hood' =
Thrilled girl to die in fear today.

David Bourke with:
The professional dancer Dianne Buswell =
Scarlet redhead in finals now be "plus one"!

Meyran Kraus with:
Noel song 'Twelve Days of Christmas' =
Scowl as my love sends another gift...

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Theresa May postponing Brexit vote =
Her next move? Operating to bypass it.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The partial government shutdown =
What Trump does -- nothing relevant!

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
'Tis the season to be jolly =
Not easily to the jobless.

Rosie Perera with:
The dead Christian missionary John Allen Chau =
Oh, Jesus! Archery act annihilated him on island.

Rosie Perera with:
Impeachable offense =
Am safe if... (*Bleep*) Cohen!

Rosie Perera with:
The Trump-Russia investigation =
Man aspires to give us truth in it.

Rosie Perera with:
George H.W. Bush's last words: "I love you, too." =
"Well, I have to go, W. Thus be good, So sorry, U.S."

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Trump says he wants 'wall of people' on the border." =
Tut! He has plenty of problems per area slowdown.

Rosie Perera with:
Former President Bush lies in state =
Noble (rises after he dies). Trump isn't.

Ellie Dent with:
Funeral of former American President G H W Bush =
Graphic news: bereft fans of a ruler mourned him.

Julian Lofts with:
Stop jeering, tussles at ~
‘gilets jaunes’ protests.

Adie Pena with:
President Trump's alternative reality =
Every statement nipped trust! Liar! Liar!

John Fidler with:
The Tory Party ~
to try therapy

Julian Lofts with:
Trump fails to be named Time’s ‘Person of the Year’ =
Damn, I feel the man prefers a bosomy prostitute.

Rosie Perera with:
'Meghan Markle' most googled person in UK this year =
Trump raged: "Oh, so seen Henry's gal? I'M king! Look at ME!

Christopher Sturdy with:
A tory leadership contest =
Oh dear... crass, yet inept lot.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Another Conservative leadership contest =
Short, convenient... Davis to replace Theresa.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Brexit telemetry =
"Extremely bitter"

Rik with:
The Michael Cohen sentence ~
teaches election henchmen.

Tony Crafter with:
'Tis the season to be jolly =
So? So enjoy it! All the best!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Leadership contest =
Pathetic loser's end?

Tony Crafter with:
Renegade MPs lose the Theresa May 'no confidence' vote =
"Sly ones defeat me? No chance. Oh, get over it." sneered a PM.

View with:
Iran's Khamenei calls for unity =
US in racial filth, Koran's enemy!

Julian Lofts with:
Young girl from Guatemala dies in US custody. =
Ugly morgue data - many of us recoil in disgust.

Rosie Perera with:
Johnson & Johnson knew about asbestos in baby powder =
Who passed jabs & jokes about it on bonny newborns, Hon?

Jesse Frankovich with:
Individual One =
I unveil a Don I.D.

Simeon Galavar with:
Michael Cohen speaks out =
Man spoke lies. Cheat? Ouch.

Ellie Dent with:
Sarah Rose Summers =
Oh, smear! Ms USA errs!

David Bourke with:
Stacey Dooley and Kevin Clifton =
It's lovely, confident dance, okay?

David Bourke with:
Theresa May's negotiating skills =
She lost. Germans taking it, easily.

Rosie Perera with:
Boy Scouts of America considering bankruptcy ~
as facts on abuse by dirty men rock iconic group.

Julian Lofts with:
The Russian tanks converge on their border =
Borscht vendors threaten Ukraine’s region

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Robert Swan Mueller III =
I'm to be ruler in law, sire!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Seasons Greetings ~
as song genre is set.

George Sicherman with:
Really, too bad, Les Moonves, as ~
nobody loves a molester, alas!

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Christmas television schedule =
It's hellish such rot is even made, etc.

Julian Lofts with:
China falsely detains ~
Canadians - the lies fly.

Julian Lofts with:
Mattis resigns, ~
resists taming.

David Bourke with:
Gatwick drone =
Go and wreck it!

Julian Lofts with:
The Democrats resist wall funding =
Mad unwell dictator fights, sneers.

Julian Lofts with:
The US President goes ~
rogue, sends epithets.

Ellie Dent with:
Retailers' seasonal woe =
As I note sales are lower.

Julian Lofts with:
Italy’s Mount Etna erupts =
Trump’s a testy inane lout.

Julian Lofts with:
Yet another Guatemalan child migrant perishes in US =
Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Trump deny the carnage is a huge sin.

Julian Lofts with:
Kevin Spacey hopes he will not be arrested =
Not real news - bet he’s a very sick pedophile.

Julian Lofts with:
Trump to a child: Do you believe in Santa? =
Boy to him: I declare POTUS evil and a nut!

Simeon Galavar with:
America is at war with Russia? =
I'm hurt, aware a crisis awaits!

Simeon Galavar with:
Transformer blew up at New York City, United States
=
Important, yet we notice sky turns blue afterwards

Rosie Perera with:
U.S. federal government shut down ~
and wronged these mournful vets.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Donald's first two years =
Fatass destroyin' the world.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The three wise men Melchior, Gaspar and Balthasar =
The Magi shall reach Him and bestow a rare present.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The American President, Donald Trump =
Important leader ... and resident chump!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Prime Minister Theresa May =
Me? 'Remainers' hate my spirit!'

Adie Pena with:
Cohen =
Con, eh?

Simeon Galavar with:
The American attorney, Michael Dean Cohen =
My! A mere liar, headache, cheat. Not innocent!

Dharam Khalsa with:
My name is Donald Trump =
Damned liar on my stump!

View with:
Anna Delvey =
Deal an envy

Valery Silivanov with:
Nestor Makhno =
No more, thanks.

Ellie Dent with:
Charles, Prince of Wales ~
weeps, for ears can chill!

View with:
Figure skater Ashley Cain =
Ice. Strange, shaky failure.

Rosie Perera with:
Trump is "Individual One" =
Evil mind paid to ruin US.

View with:
Vasiliy Lomachenko =
Aims a lovely chin K.O.

View with:
Figure skater Ashley Cain =
Strange, shaky ice failure.

Brian Taylor with:
Eric McLuhan =
Human cleric.

View with:
Cherif Chekatt =
Check that fire!

Colleen Parkin with:
Miss Colleen Elizabeth Parkin =
bleak pills.. Meet a inner schizo!

Simeon Galavar with:
Rowan Sebastian Atkinson =
Bean soon ranks as a nitwit.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Charlotte Rae =
Late actor, her.

Ellie Dent with:
The Three Kings, or Magi =
Seeking a mother, right?

David Bourke with:
The actress Melanie Richards Griffith =
Slander time: "Christ! Her face is a fright!"

Julian Lofts with:
Ms Thylane Blondeau =
Mute, shy belladonna.

David Bourke with:
The French model Thylane Léna-Rose Loubry Blondeau =
Oh, her bold beauty enchanted all lonely men, for sure!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
Suicide Prevention Hotline =
It induces inner hope to live.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Wildlife Photographer of the Year Competition =
Filmed the hippo, wolf, tiger, ape, rhino, rat, coyote.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Flying Spaghetti Monster =
Left many theists groping.

Simeon Galavar with:
I am mastering a clean art: ~
an Anagram Times article!

View with:
The original Stradivarius =
Artist guards violin I hear.

Adie Pena with:
La Torre pendente di Pisa =
Plans needed to repair it.

Rosie Perera with:
Some trim sharp ladies of a certain age in ~
the Miss Florida Senior America Pageant.

Colleen Parkin with:
Cygnus atratus, Anatidae. Anseriformes =
A gracious stunner.. Tasty as a fine dream.

Valery Silivanov with:
Chianti, a red wine. =
I had a nice winter.

Adie Pena with:
The controversial Johnson's Baby Powder talc issue =
Can cover junior person's body with lethal asbestos!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Russell's China Teapot ~
hurtles in a lost space?

Meyran Kraus with:
Bethlehem, south of Jerusalem =
Later, the humble home of Jesus.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The New Yorker Magazine =
Me, eyeing Zen artwork: "Ha!"

Rosie Perera with:
US Customs and Border Protection ~
cries, "Send bad Trump to court soon!"

Rosie Perera with:
US Customs and Border Protection=
Noticed Trump's bouncers at doors.

Rosie Perera with:
Union Gospel Mission =
Issuing men spoon, oil.

Rick with:
Italy's Mount Etna =
Stately mountain.

Rosie Perera with:
Hapnophobia - the fear of touching or being touched =
Go! Get off! True, I hate each hand upon chin, hip, or boob.

Tony Crafter with:
Salisbury's famous Anglican Cathedral in Wiltshire =
"Church was fab (LOL)!" said alien Russian military gents.

Ellie Dent with:
Salisbury Cathedral in Wiltshire ~
is British, while naturally sacred.

David Bourke with:
Wildlife Photographer of the Year Competition =
Footage: Owl...reptile...hippo...Tony Crafter (hide him!)

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
The Church minister began fervently to pray: "Dear Lord," he said,
with a look of rapture on his face, "without you we are but dust..."
~
Then one horrified wee girl Annie, a four-year-old, spoke
audibly:

"Oo, what is butt dust??"

Church was pretty much over after that.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Britain's Top Four Christmas Carols
1. Silent Night
2. O Holy Night
3. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
4. In the Bleak Mid Winter
=
1. Sing it like a hymn
2. Sings of the Lord
3. Triumphal song that celebrates a new-born King!
4. It chills this iron-hard earth

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:

Five Greatest Ice Cream Flavors

1. Chocolate Chip
2. Strawberry
3. Cookies And Cream
4. French Vanilla
5. Fudge Brownies

=

Five Of The Worst (But Real) Ice Cream Flavors

5. Chicken Wings
4. Vinegar
3. Caramel-Bacon
2. Charcoal
1. Deep Fried Oysters

Simeon Galavar with:
Donald Trump loses billions as President of the United States of America =
Satan's old demon imperils us. That idiot often breeds sin. POTUS, fear a cell.

View with:
Worst riot in a decade engulfs Paris; Macron vows action =
Ow, new, top-sad, tragic mini-revolution across sad France!

David Bourke with:
Late forty-first President of the United States of America, George Herbert Walker Bush =
He's referred before St. Peter, to sit at the fabulous gates. "Care to walk right in, my friend?"

Julian Lofts with:
The Most Outstanding Earners from YouTube Site Include:
1. Ryan ToysReview
2. Jake Paul
3. Dude Perfect
=
1. Boy enjoys playing
2. We endure immature untuneful raps, etcetera
3. Five dudes do trick shots, are OTT.

Adie Pena with:
Mohammad bin Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, the crown prince and deputy prime minister of Saudi Arabia =
Trump, a ninny I hear, has been critical of Obama as Muslim but did pamper a disdained man in a world abuzz.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Will fictitious tough guy Marvin the Martian outlive Sponge Bob? Who wins? Probe that, folks!
=
While talking about his plan for Earth, "Oh, I'm going to blow it up. It obstructs my view of Venus!"

Julian Lofts with:
The Museum of Black Civilisations in Senegal has wonderful displays consisting of their ~
invaluable tools, weaponry, music, chieftains’ clothing, masks, fetishes, infidel gods, ruins.

Brian Taylor with:
My closest friend, President Trump:
1. is clearly a word genius
2. is winning too much
3. is basically a god
=
1. Inspiring tweets, odd grammar, rally wit
2. Four-dimensional chess guy
3. Insane occult-disciple boys

Simeon Galavar with:
In twenty-eighteen, winter lets a massive storm blast Southeast.
=
Nastiest monster-beast weather, snowing heavily. It must settle!

David Bourke with:
The Prime Minister, Theresa May, survives a Vote of No Confidence =
Mayhem! Desperation! Insufficient Conservatives to remove her.

Adie Pena with:
Three Eskimos sitting in a kayak out on a lake in Alaska. They felt very cold, so they started a fire in the craft. ~
Likely a huge risk if it sank. As my storytellers often reiterated, "Fact: One can't have his kayak, and heat it too!"

Julian Lofts with:
The Colombian star Shakira has been accused of tax evasion in Spain. The white lothario ~
T Crafter has a nonsexual, a masochistic relationship with diva babe. He hates “no nookie”!

Julian Lofts with:
The countdown to POTUS impeachment has already started =
Watch Cohen lament on oath a stout ape Trump’s “dirty deeds”

Julian Lofts with:
A partial shutdown of the United States government is imminent =
I vomit at meltdown, I resent the defiant shenanigans. Oust Trump!

View with:
Pope Francis Urges Predator Priests To Turn Themselves In And Face Justice =
Surrender, lechers! A jurisdiction suppose to prevent a past mating effects!

Julian Lofts with:
The former centrist Liberal Democrats leader Paddy Ashdown ~
has died from bladder cancer postretirement as wealthy lord.

Simeon Galavar with:
Merry Christmas, Donald John Trump, alias the President of the United States of America.
=
Applaud Jim Mattis, for Defense Secretary hands in his notice to trash Mr Mad-Lout. There!

Julian Lofts with:
Pope Francis has condemned the rampant materialism and poverty in the world =
“I meant shady pedophile monsters from Vatican torment, paw and rape children.”

Rick with:
The federal US Customs and Border Protection agency =
Donald Trump: "Construct a big fence." Tosh! Read: Eyesore!!!

David Bourke with:
The autobiography 'Thanks a Lot Mr Kibblewhite: My Story' by Roger Daltrey =
Remarkably gritty book, I heard, partly...mostly...about The Who, by the singer.

David Bourke with:
The Golden Gate suspension bridge, San Francisco, California ~
is a fine crossing of such elaborate planning / Art Deco design.

Simeon Galavar with:
During the shutdown, the USA's Trump Administration tells all Government workers to "do chores for landlords".=
Sir, give the cold shoulder to those imprudent wankers! Not smart to fund 'Mr Liar' Donald's strong southern wall!

Simeon Galavar with:
Day Eight of USA's Partial Government Shutdown: No End in Sight.
=
Donald Trump's negative hogwash is destroying the fun nation.

Rosie Perera with:
News article: Emma Stone says she's still finding her voice =
She lost it in her teens? Fallacy. Was removed; missing since.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Stristopher Churdy with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
Kiss: Rachel Riley - has a nice figure.
Marry: Susie Dent - a wife thinks of words.
Kill: The Countdown people who lost that one Anagrammy bit.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
KISS SINGER: How we honour the diplomat as a pal
MARRY CHRISTMAS: You can beget the fat St. Nick
KILL ROY: No unidentified fellow was here.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
KISS: Bond. Passionately! Heroic young man.
MARRY: Mr Wonderful. A life hero. Raise two kids.
KILL: The Witch of the West. Encapsulating hate.

Meyran Kraus with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"

=

Easy answer:

- French a Sir;
- Wed a Romantic poet;
- Hunt a fatuous CEO of that Windows empire...

Then I:

- Kiss Good Knight
- Marry Shelley
- Kill Bill!

Rosie Perera with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
Kiss the sky - ah, a crucial mondegreen.
Marry no one - Hm, I'd prefer to stay single.
Kill? Thou shalt not! - Wow, I'd be an awful pacifist otherwise.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
My Answer
Kiss: Stuart Minion. The wide eye, white teeth.
Marry: Leonardo DiCaprio. Focus on new warming.
Kill: South Park Chef. He sang of 'Salty Balls'!

Simeon Galavar with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"

=

- Kiss a pretty girl who found interest in math\anagrams
- Marry\wed fiancee, hope "yes" concludes
- Kill those who kill FBI without a reason

Dharam Khalsa with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
Nice game, but I will:
Kiss: only my spouse.
Marry: keep oaths with that sweetheart, and ignore his faults.
Kill: no offender, cow or arachnid.

Adie Pena with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"

=

Once upon a time, far away...

KISS the Frog?! (Ew! Gross!)

MARRY...the Prince is suitably handsome; looks Italian!

KILL the Witch! Wonderful!

The End.

Ellie Dent with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
KILL Spam in Windows.
MARRY a poor teenage Australian fellow, in church. Rent a hut 'in the sticks.'
KISS goodbye to freedom.

Why?? These fail!!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
If MBS, kill Khashoggi; if The Donald, marry children; if Trump, kiss Putin, a terror who teaches you a new way to see an election was stolen

Ellie Dent with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
The following I will...
KISS: Mr. Cheeky, passionate and with wit.
MARRY: Mr. Perfect, genuine, steadfast nature ... has car, house.
KILL: Ooh, Nobody!

Tony Crafter with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
KISS: Wow! Shakira! (Of course)
MARRY: Her! (But who else?)
KILL: This pet fantasy. (Me? A longtime wed old grandpa? I intuit there's no chance! If only) :(

Dharam Khalsa with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
I could Marry an Asian, not for the legal green card,
But, as the hero wife, to Kill him with kindness.
If you won't show respect, Kiss my pale a$$!

Ellie Dent with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
If, when I am a wife, fancy or kiss a man, a stranger I hope to marry, that's wrong, reckless.
PS: Who is he? I could tell, but then I'd need to kill you.

Brian Taylor with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
KISS the Blarney Stone (use to help with anagram luck)
MARRY a rich widow (end of my worries on finance!)
KILL the despot! (his ego is at fault)

View with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
O, Kiss a frog (maybe it's a princess)!
Oh, Marry wealthy widow/trull (solution for finance matters)!
Huh, Kill stinking hothead (we need peace)!

Simeon Galavar with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
- Kiss any hot, known actress if free? Aha!
- Marry Taylor Alison Swift. Cool, new music!
- Kill Donald Trump (i.e. we hate the president)! Big ego, huh.

Ellie Dent with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
Oh wait, watch me in action,
for as I KISS Bond
MARRY the aforementioned spy
then KILL the ruthless Goldfinger,
I always wake up...so cruel!

David Bourke with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?" =
Weeping screw-loose fantasist Tony Crafter: "One wish! I'd kiss young Katie Melua, follow her pathetic husband to kill him...and marry her!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
Kiss: (on the lips, with tongue) Errol Flynn, my hero!
Marry: Fred Astaire, top dance icon.
Kill: The Swastika. Ugh!

Because I'm an old wife, so what?

Adie Pena with:
"In a game of 'Kiss\Marry\Kill', which three personalities would you instantly pick for each segment and what would be the reasons for it?"
=
KISS ASS: As we go up the corporate ladder...
MARRY RICH: Wed Anna, CEO Finn's only girl...
KILL TIME: Wait until he's too weak then shut him off. Bye!

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The Most Influential Films of All Time Compiled By The University of Turin

1. The Wizard of Oz
2. Star Wars
3. Psycho
4. King Kong
5. 2001: A Space Odyssey
6. Metropolis
7. Citizen Kane
8. The Birth of a Nation
9. Frankenstein
10. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
11. Casablanca
12. Dracula
13. The Godfather
14. Jaws
15. Nosferatu
16. The Searchers
17. Cabiria
18. Dr Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
19. Gone With the Wind
20. Battleship Potemkin
=
We see that these created the most spinoffs and mentions

1. Frank Baum
2. Notwithstanding Nazi elements
3. Alfred Hitchcock
4. Fay Wray on the Empire State Building
5. Wise HAL
6. Fritz Lang
7. Orson Welles
8. Civil War, nationhood
9. Boris Karlov
10. A Walt Disney fantasy
11. Humphrey Bogart
12. Tod Browning
13. Francis Ford Coppola
14. Spielberg
15. Vampire
16. John Ford
17. Viewed at the White House
18. Zany Kubrick, he’s too OTT!
19. Scarlett O’Hara
20. Eisenstein

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Ten Best Holiday Movies of All Time (according to Parents Magazine)
1. A Christmas Story
2. Arthur Christmas
3. Elf
4. It’s a Wonderful Life
5. Miracle on Thirty-fourth Street
6. The Muppet Christmas Carol
7. The Nightmare Before Christmas
8. Prancer
9. The Santa Clause
10. White Christmas
=
1. But that air rifle is best, Mommy!
2. My favorite son?
3. Ferrell's tactics amaze
4. He has hope with that angel
5. Drama in the courtroom
6. Miss Piggy's attempt as Mrs. Cratchit
7. Characters for Halloween
8. The forest reindeer is hurt
9. Can the rich Tim Allen pass for...
10. Hit tune turned classic.

Tony Crafter with:
Two doctor friends were walking down the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.

Both legs were stiff and he was shuffling slowly along.

One doctor said to his friend: "Oh my, I'm certain that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. They walk just like that."

The other doctor said: "No, I don't think so. The man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are wide apart, it's a classic example."

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man, so they approached him and one of them said: "Excuse me sir, we are both doctors and we couldn't help but notice the way you walk. However, we can't agree on what syndrome you might have. Could you inform us what it is, please?"

The old man said, "Sure; but first, what do you two fine doctors think I have?"

The first doctor said, "I reckon it's Peltry Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought so - but you are wrong."

The second doctor said, "I reckon you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought so - but you are wrong."

So they asked: "Well, exactly what affliction do you have then?"

The old man said, "Well, I thought it was just gas - but I was wrong, too!"
=

"Oh, Gill, I just don't understand it," said Susy to her old school friend. "I'm thoughtful and intelligent, yet I do not have a boyfriend or a spouse, I can never get a date and guys don't seem at all interested in me. What is wrong with me?"

"I don't know, my friend," her pal replied, "but I do know this amazing Chinese doctor and I think that he'll help you out."

So Gill gave Susy the doctor's details and the next day Susy went to visit him.

She told the doctor what her problem was and he immediately started to give instructions.

"Take off all your crows," he snapped.

"What did you say?" gasped Susy.

"Take off all your crows," the doctor repeated, motioning for her to remove her clothes.

Susy shyly took them off.

"Ok, now craw to the window".

"What?" Susy gasped again.

"Craw to the window" he said, and he got down on all fours to show her what he meant.

So Susy crawled to the window.

"Now craw back to me" he said motioning her to come back.

"Just as I thought!" he exclaimed. "I know what problem is."

"Well, doctor, what is it?" she asked anxiously.

"You have Zachary syndrome."

"Zachary syndrome? What's that?" she asked.

"Well, your face looks Zachary like your butt."

Simeon Galavar with:
America's "Five Key Takeaways from Michael Cohen’s new plea deal with Special Counsel Mueller."

1. This is no longer just about Stormy
2. "The Moscow Project"
3. Trump’s answers are now critical
4. Liar or not?
5. And now, onto the G-20 Summit.

Which especially anagrams to…

~

1. Woman touches Mr President. She what?!
2. Worn-down Mike lies to Congress about USA’s major Tower plan for Russia’s capital. Well, he’s guilty!
3. All somewhat conflict with Mike’s narrative.
4. “Yes, I am.” … “Me too.”
5. Cancel the majorly cancerous meeting? Oh crap, play nice!

Simeon Galavar with:
And then President of United States of America Donald Trump says: "I always want to tell the truth — when I can, I tell the truth. And sometimes it turns out to be where something happens that's different or there's a change, but I always like to be truthful."
=
I.e., "the truth" between a museum of untruths! Liar, liar, liar! Don't swallow potentate's lies! We beg you: attempt to hear his words and see his actions — they don't match! Please fetter/handcuff that ill, rude, bent, stupid, shifty, rotten, threatening man! Thanks.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A man was walking along the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp in the sand.

He rubbed it and a genie came out and offered, "You may have three wishes but, whatever you wish for, all the lawyers of the world will get it double."

The man agreed and said, "I want a million dollars." He got that and the lawyers got two million.
~
So, he deliberated a moment, and howled, "Hah! I want a brand new Ferrari." He was given that new car, and all the global lawyers would get two, to boot. "Woo hoo!" He thanked the magic genie.

Since it was the last wish, he took a long hushed moment to consider it very carefully, and finally, he divulged aloud," Well, I am a peculiar man, but I have always dreamed of donating a kidney."

Simeon Galavar with:
How to Decorate The Perfect Christmas Tree Before Christmas Eve.

Before then, one must gather all the following materials in order to bring about the hilarious Christmas Spirit.

1. Garlands.
2. Ornaments.
3. Bright lights.
4. Star.

Mainly just for old, jolly Santa Claus! (Ho, ho, ho!)

…and do not be naughty!

=

Commit!

1. That? Wreath or belt of flowers and leaves.
2. Hmm… chaotic. Bonny balls, angels, figurines, Jesus Christ, ribbons or reindeers.
3. Pretty shining colors of red or green.
4. Gold!

Sing Hallelujah! That, or maybe film. Camera? (Hot, hot, hottest in Australia though. Odd.)

Ratatat-tat. Hi! Ooh, presents? True!

Simeon Galavar with:
Here are "Ten of the (Seriously) Dumbest Criminals in the World" (which was rightly gathered by Listverse):

10. Klaus Schmidt
9. Gang of Nineteen Fugitives
8. Ruben Zarate
7. Zachary Tentoni
6. Xavi the Getaway Donkey
5. Albert Bailey
4. Mganga Mganga
3. Darren Kimpton
2. Currently unknown
1. Dennis Hawkins

=

10. "Hey, I can't hear!" (Awkward.)
9. Drinks? Lying! End nineteenth!
8. Alerted the cashier? Think!
7. Gave age away.
6. Stole rum and yummy hefty groceries (then stunk)!
5. Tells bank before robbing?!
4. Can't drive manual transmission.
3. Try burglarizing a home with police? Next flaw.
2. Then gave gun? Zany!
1. Worst disguise.

Dharam Khalsa with:
On New Year's Eve, Carol stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to stand beside the one and only person
who has made his life worth living.
~
(Note: forgive me if you have heard this too), but as one witness said,
"Boy, it was a disheartening sight on a holiday! When the clock's hands pointed to twelve,
all twenty or so men dashed up and trampled the bartender!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
New Years Resolutions Perhaps I Could Actually Keep

Read less, FaceBook more.
Gain enough weight to star on 'The Biggest Loser'.
Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
Stop wasting time by exercising.
Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
Watch more movie remakes.
Start washing my hands after I use the bathroom.
Procrastinate more.
Do less laundry and use stronger deodorant.
Become a vegan for a day and subsequently learn that it was a missed-steak.
~
No longer waste time in remorse about yesterday; it's good to spend it worrying about the future.
Let pesky dreams go; stagnate.
Drink. Drink some more.
Stop buying stuff on Ebay; QVC has exciting ads.
Spend more time at work, less at home.
Underachieve, with pay.
Cease taking casserole leftovers for lunch, and savor huge meals out at a restaurant.
Resist being audience at school games, orchestras or ballet recitals.
Mess with astrology.
Start a new habit, maybe smoking weed!

Dharam Khalsa with:
About the hopeless reports of global warming, a misguided naysayer just posted this
memo, "Ha! Sooner or later we'll invent a machine that will easily take carbon from
the atmosphere, transform it, and release it as healthy air in a responsible way."

I thought to myself, "Oh, make no mistake! Seems we already have one.
It’s a remarkable, highly trustworthy invention we know as a leafy 'Tree'.

=

"I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree."

-Joyce Kilmer

Julian Lofts with:
Types of Births
1. Normal vaginal (per vaginum)
2. The forceps-assisted
3. The vacuum-assisted
4. Caesarean section
5. Non-intact dilation and extraction
=
1. “Push!” Men dread loose vagina
2. “Dr, don’t insert those up me!”
3. Ventouse (France)
4. Incapacitation, can’t sit, has long scar
5. Brexit - mass fatalistic naivety!

Ellie Dent with:
HE SAID/SHE SAID

A married couple, Marilyn and Dudley are lying in bed.
The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the whole wide world."
The woman murmers softly, "Oh, I WILL miss you."

He said: "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said: "Why, that's a good idea! You can stand by the ironing board, while I take it easy
and sit over here on the sofa and snore."
~
He said: "Since I first laid eyes on you, I promise I wanted, I needed to make passionate
love to you really badly."
She said, giggling: "What? Well, seems you did ... with the emphasis on badly, I mean. Ha ha!"

He said (whining): "What d'you happen to do with all that grocery money, woman? Show me!!"
She said: " Ha! Turn sideways, smartass and look in the mirror, you patronising fat Northern
b*****d."

Simeon Galavar with:
Here are a few tips that will help you be an *Earth Guest* (and to save energy, really):
- Turn off heaters and air-conditioners whilst not in the unit.
- Turn lights off when leaving a room.
- Switch off televisions and appliances when they are not being used.
- Limit shower time to four minutes.
- Use the clothes-dryer when absolutely necessary!

~

- *Sigh*. Ah, for America, don't ever elect unwise, fiendish presidents such as Donald Trump. While he fibs, I hate him.
- Stop the unfair racism, bullying and wars of all sorts.
- Always love, always care to help others.
- Be genuine (true to yourself), though honest even if you aren't.
- Start the life now, twenty-eighteen! Not in twenty-nineteen or later!

Simeon Galavar with:
Here are 'The Three Absolute Worst People in the History of the United States Politics of 2018' (fit to anagram):

3. Nancy Pelosi
2. Charles "Chuck" Schumer
1. President Donald Trump

=

I do not accept the attempt to ruin USA!

3. She is nearly 80, so isn't a perfect leader for House
2. Stop US Senator (he can't think properly)
1. From Dec. 21, he might "build the wall" he cries

Simeon Galavar with:
In December: Donald John Trump, the President of the United States of America, tweets, "We have defeated ISIS [Islamic State of Iraq and Syria] in Syria."
=
It's beaten? It's fate: ever unfinished! Withdraw armed forces from that country? I see team allies hate idea, ponder man's IQ, deep ties and sadistic joy.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Friends, be extra careful this Holiday season!
Yesterday I went to a Christmas party. I had a couple beers, followed by some cocktails, followed by a few single shots...
Thankfully, I had the good sense to know when I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I've never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police road block on the way home, and since it was a cab, they waved it past.
=
I reached the house safely, with no concern whatsoever.
As I stumbled up the stairs, I took off my shoes, exhaled, closed my eyes, and had a peaceful sleep. It was both a relief and also a bit of a mystery,
because I had never taken a cab before. I don't know where or how I got it, and now that I've discovered (with swollen bloodshot eyes)
the classic yellow cab parked in my garage, I don't know what to do with it!

Simeon Galavar with:
"I don't know if you folks are [listening] -- we want to have strong borders in the United States, the Democrats don't want to let us have strong borders. Only for one reason. You know why? Because I want it," says the President of the United States of America, Donald "Don" John Trump, during a political speech at the al-Asad Airbase in Iraq, Wednesday.
=
"I think it's a waste of money. It just fans Trump's illusions. Everybody, and I think he lies on this when he suggests that Democrats or progressives are not concerned about border security." -- Senator Bernie Sanders on CNN News, Friday. Know they are well-equipped to handle it, and no, we do not want that awful agitated fool! A toad, a toad, a toad!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
AWAY IN A MANGER
A Traditional Carol

Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus
Laid down His sweet head

The stars in the bright sky
Look down where He lay
The little Lord Jesus
Asleep on the hay

The cattle are lowing
The Baby awakes
But little Lord Jesus
No crying He makes

I love Thee, Lord Jesus
Look down from the sky
And stay by my side
'Til morning is nigh

Be near me, Lord Jesus
I ask Thee to stay
Close by me forever
And love me, I pray

Bless all the dear children
In Thy tender care
And take us to Heaven
To live with Thee there
=

MY REAL WORTH

*My keen Christmas wish here is
To help all I meet,
Share joy and goodwill
As I walk down the street.

To give my time freely
And ask not for pay,
And cherish that duty
Every minute, each day.

To reward the jobless,
Even though I am broke,
And hide noble deeds
With a shrug or a joke.

To seek to be jolly,
Decent, godly, serene,
And toil restlessly,
Bear these said tasks unseen.

To buy all the beers
When I go to a bar,
The landlord at the inn
Will think I am a star.

I'll carry a banner,
Reading 'Jesus Is Love',
(*If I win the lottery,
Cancel all the above).

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
How To Give a Cat a Pill

So, you get a cat for Christmas and, unfortunately, after the dining excesses of that festive season it gets sick. After the vet prescribes gigantic pills, here are detailed instructions for exactly what to do next.

* Pick the cat up and cradle it gently in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to its cheeks. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

* Retrieve pill from floor and cat from beneath sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process, while holding pill in right hand.

* Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

* Take another pill from foil wrapper while cradling cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

* Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from outside.

* Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

* Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrapper. Make note to buy new ruler and have curtains mended. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set aside for gluing later.

* Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow into straw.
~
* Check label to make sure pills are not harmful to humans, while drinking glass filled with fruit juice to take awful taste away. Affix germicidal cream and Bandaid to spouse's forearm. Remove blood from carpet with stiff-bristled brush and pail filled with water and hydrogen peroxide.

* Retrieve hiding cat from flowerpot in neighbor's garden shed. Pull out another pill. Place cat in cupboard. Gently close door on neck, leaving just head showing. Force cat's mouth open with spoon, Flip pill into throat with elastic band.

* Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek, while checking records for date of latest tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch one from bedroom.

* Phone Fire Department to retrieve cat out of tree across the road. Offer apologies to neighbor who ran into fence while not wanting to hit cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

* Try to outwit cat. Tie front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Try to find heavy multi-layer pruning gloves in garden shed. Firmly push pill in mouth, followed by large piece of raw fish. Hold head up and attempt to pour full liter of water down throat to wash down pill.

* After cursing argument, have glum spouse drive you to ER. Fill out forms, watch in pain, trying to remain respectful and smile, when doctor examines fingers, applies stitches to cuts, and retrieves pill fragments from eye. Call furniture store to order new dining room table.

* Lie and arrange for Animal Control to transfer willful cat to local shelter. Phone pet shop to ask if they have any hamsters.

Whew! Goodwill to all!

Ellie Dent with:

DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER

December 8

It started snowing. The first snow of the season, and the wife and I took our drinks and sat by the window watching the flakes drift down from heaven. It looked just like a Grandma Moses print.

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in many years and felt like a little boy again. I cleared both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow... such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry - we'll definitely have a White Christmas. Snow at Christmas! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. Bob is a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 13

Snow! Eight inches last night. The temperature dropped to minus twenty F. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

Twenty inches forecast. I sold my van and bought a 4x4. Bought snow tyres for the wife's car and two extra shovels. We stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's extravagant. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed, which I think was cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are much too icy to go anywhere. Today the electricity was off for four hours. We had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Yippee, the electricity's back on, but we had another fourteen inches of the stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around, about a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in mid-March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because thirteen more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till mid August. Took me forty minutes to get dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the loo. By the time I got undressed, and dressed again, I was just too tired. Tried to hire Bob, who has a plough for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I'm sure the asshole is lying.

~

December 23

Only two inches of snow again today. And it warmed up OK, to zero thankfully. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What? I don't think so! What is she exactly? Nuts? Batty? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she's taking the p**s.

December 24

Bitter east wind ... and it bites! Six inches of snow fell today in total, but was packed so hard, like unworkable, by the snowplough, that I broke my shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch that crazy son-of-a-bitch who drives the snowplough, I'll straightaway drag the slob back through the snow by his hair, and batter him to death with my broken shovel. I know the snotty little cowboy hides around the corner, and waits for me to finish the backbreaking shoveling. Then, aggravatingly, charges by at breakneck speed, throwing dirty snow absolutely all over just where I've been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing traditional carols with her, and open our presents, but I wasn't actually officially available. Too busy watching and waiting for that damn snowplough.

December 25 - Christmas Day

Merry Christmas! Twenty more inches of the seasonal white stuff tonight - snowed in. The idea of backbreaking shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the damn snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a festive donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. Only I think actually SHE's a real idiot, and untrustworthy. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. We see sleet outside, and the wind direction turns to the worst. We wait. But why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea anyway, truly. She's really been awful, getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to a grotesque minus-thirty and the pipes froze. Plumber came; after fourteen unbelievable hours of waiting for him, he only charged me eighteen hundred dollars to replace four of my old pipes. Nice.

December 28

Warmed up to a healthy ABOVE minus-twenty. Wow. Still snowed in. The wife - BITCH! - is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

Ten more inches. Settling, too. Botheration. Bob says I have to watch out, to shovel the roof or we could see it cave in and create havoc. Fiddlesticks! Unthinkable. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Honestly, how unworldly, how gullible does the dumb idiot think I am?

December 30

B****y roof caved in! Awkward. Awfully wet, draughty, you see. So I beat up the wayward snowplough driver. And now the little bugger is suing me for a rather costly million dollars or so. Not only for the beating I gave him, but also trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife, that face-ache basket case, stormed out last Wednesday. She went away to take refuge at her mother's residence. Right. Fine. So end our conflict. Nine good inches or more is predicted overnight I see.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. It's an end to my anxiety. No more of the endless shoveling I detest.

January 8

I feel good. Absolutely ecstatic! I love those little white pills they keep giving me to swallow. I am tied to the bed. Why???

Adie Pena with:
DECEMBER

I pretend to love the cold
You have a point, I'm destroying my soul
I'm filled with despair
I pretend like I don't care
I feel every tear
I tell myself don't live in fear
Still I hear your voice telling me I will be "there"
Sometimes I want to disappear
My pain is near
My fire is inviting
I will grow my weakness each night
Don't underestimate my fight=
CHRISTMAS

Mirth and cheer are timely, tipping my toddy;
Meet my spirited family, definitely full of glee.
Wife's milieu is one villa, then a visit to the Basilica;
Religion we do dare, I deliver her prayer.
We sing hymns for our million Tiny Tims,
Letting in the devotee we skeptics like to be.
Peace to all men, we aver 'Amen.'
Piety wasn't ignored, our divine Lord.

Tony Crafter with:
DECK THE HALLS
By
Nat King Cole

Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
'Tis the season to be jolly
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Don we now our gay apparel
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Troll the ancient Yule-tide carol
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

See the blazing Yule before us
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Strike the harp and join the chorus
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Follow me in merry measure
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
While I tell of Yuletide treasure
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Fast away the old year passes
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Hail the new year, lads and lasses
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Sing we joyous, all together
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
Heedless of the wind and weather
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
=

ODE TO A FUTURE FOE
Topical hit by Kate Middleton

Decorate the halls with sparkle
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Harry's just wed Meghan Markle
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
I'll get a cool sister-in-law
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
I feel we'll get on for sure
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

We'll be joyful, dainty, royal
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Share Di's jewellery and be loyal
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
We'll be neighbours, what a wheeze
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
She is funny, such a tease
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Inherently, she is too headstrong
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Oh, I hope she does not stay long
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
We are total chalk and cheese
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
She'll usurp the dynasty!
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Simeon Galavar with:
Hello!

WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD
By the famous/influential trumpeter, composer and vocalist, Louis Daniel Armstrong.

"I see trees of green, red roses too.
I see them bloom for me and you.
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

"I see skies of blue and clouds of white.
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night.
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

"The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky,
Are also on the faces of people going by.
I see friends shaking hands saying, how do you do.
They're really saying, I love you.

"I hear babies crying, I watch them grow.
They'll learn much more than I’ll never know.
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world."

So bad (and ironic)… bye now!

=

WHAT A WOEFUL WORLD
By George N. Missailidis

"I see lands of doom, red faces too.
I see them bloom in war made anew.
And I think to myself what a woeful world.

"I see towns of grey and folk of fright.
The dark, tortured day, as dark as the night.
And I think to myself what one woeful world.

"The people of the countries, so wrong I only cry,
Are all so diabolic to which good must die.
I see fiends holding heads saying, there is no God.
They’re really saying, I hate you.

"I hear no improvement, what shall be done?
They'll see the skies but never the sun.
And I think to myself what a woeful world.
Yes I think to myself what a black, woeful world."

Chubby bent con man (i.e. Donald Trump) scorns? Please no envy/fury. No FBI? Run!

Snow? Brrrrrrrr, oh... really cold.

Simeon Galavar with:
The Snow Man Special =
Clap Simeon's new hat.

Simeon Galavar with:
My Jolly, Jolly Christmas Wish

I'd like a stocking made for a giant,
And a meeting house full of toys.
Then I'd go out in a happy hunt,
For the poor little girls and boys;
Up the street and down the street,
And across and over the town.
I'd search and find them everyone,
Before the sun went down.

Wishing a Merry Christmas to all!
Much love, from Santa Claus
=
Marijuanagrams styled on enhanced cannabis, not velvety drugs

I'd frighten every silly word,
Or spur them all in joy 'n' gold;
For then my amateurishness
Will slowly ache as I unfold
To grow bananas at these trees,
When that is such a stupid term
To speak of, okey, pardon me.
I need one doctor, I confirm!

That hot, hot, hot stuff!
Mad weed, chill tonight

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

Santa's Christmastime Pleasures =
This means a Mrs. Claus striptease!

2nd - View with:
Ex- Miss Kentucky Ramsey Carpenter =
A sexy stunner makes my prick erect

3rd - Simeon Galavar with:
On your phone, watching ~
porn? Yeah, touching now!

Julian Lofts with:
Giant tush =
Tight anus.

Julian Lofts with:
Simeon Galavar =
Gives a man oral

Julian Lofts with:
Male sex robot =
A box molester.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Rod + tight tushy =
Dirty thoughts.

Simeon Galavar with:
Aim for a chunky ass ~
as I am horny as fuck!

Tony Crafter with:
Anal probe's ~
a pal's boner!

Adie Pena with:
The Jackson 5 hit song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" =
As host must like massaging a man's own 5-inch joystick!

Tony Crafter with:
The ITunes No. 1 Xmas Song, 2018 - 'All I Want for Christmas is You'=
Ms Carey's wish list:
1. Ooh! Man, age 18-20, for lust, sin. (Into tuna). x

Tony Crafter with:
The Christmas compilations =
Commercial tat in shit shops!

Julian Lofts with:
Fat girls ~
frig last.

Rosie Perera with:
Tonight is Christmas Eve =
Nice ghosts visit Mr Hate.

The Anagrammy Awards