1st - Rosie Perera with:
Holding back tears =
Blocking sad heart.
2nd (eq) - Dean Mayer with:
Materialised =
It is 'made real'
2nd (eq) - Ellie with:
Sad patients ensure ~
antidepressant use.
Mey K. with:
Lose matches =
He comes last.
db with:
A nice picture of myself =
I mean, I focus perfectly!
Adie Peña with:
Greenhouse gas emissions =
Ongoing issue – Here's a mess!
Ellie with:
The New Year dawns ~
then we say, "End war!"
HSP with:
Specification =
I act if in scope.
Rosie Perera with:
Facial recognition software =
I see if it can tag Carol for now.
View with:
If clue's "Pres. DT" =
Disrespectful
Snafu with:
Selfies can be so ~
obscene (“falsies”).
View with:
The use of antidepressants =
Ah, stop! It's unsafe trend, see!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Plausible deniability =
Lies? Indubitably, a pile!
Snafu with:
Those vapid social influencers write shit and then ~
share their nice, cool, tanned lives with stupid fans.
Dharam with:
The good news is we've made it to our Golden Years =
I say, we've retired and now ought to see some gold!
Dharam with:
Golden Years =
So legendary!
Valery Silivanov with:
Thus, we live on Mad Earth. =
Whatever it should mean.
Dharam with:
Contentious =
Not nice, to us.
Dharam with:
"National emergency!" =
Angry line to menace.
Ellie with:
An overuse of emoticons =
So, if onerous can veto 'em!
Valery Silivanov with:
USA great? =
Eat sugar.
JR with:
Helicopter pad =
A pilot perched.
JR with:
Coloring book =
Cool. Ok, boring.
JR with:
Hostage negotiations =
See gain shooting a tot?
Rosie Perera with:
Act soon. Study the motto of M. Pollan: =
"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."
Snafu with:
Saudi female ~
eludes ‘mafia’.
Ellie with:
Armed fighting =
Might, and grief.
Rosie Perera with:
To preach a sermon =
Pastor chore. Amen!
JR with:
Country-fried steak ~
fit one trucker's day.
Dharam with:
Holding back one's tears ~
blocks honest drainage.
John Ramos with:
Insurance fraud =
Under a car is fun.
Brian Taylor with:
A tetrahedron inside a sphere =
Rather serene shape addition
Brian Taylor with:
NASA's ritualistic alignments =
Illuminati grants assistance.
Brian Taylor with:
Reverse-engineered UFOs =
Ever seen our free design?
Brian Taylor with:
Distinguished service =
Is given his due credits.
Simeon Galavar with:
Appreciate the ~
Earth (peace tip).
Simeon Galavar with:
Wheels roll over a kid =
Howl! Severe roadkill!
Dharam with:
The Blood Red Wolf Moon Lunar Eclipse =
Hint or omen for a cold spell due below.
Simeon Galavar with:
Behind the door, a phone starts to ring... ~
then oops, bad death in horror setting.
Simeon Galavar with:
Me? I blush. =
Is humble.
Brian Taylor with:
"Earth is flat, sheeple!" =
That false sphere lie.
Rosie Perera with:
The interim pastor: ~
"Am not their priest!"
rp with:
The interim pastor =
Tap other minister.
Rosie Perera with:
Valentine's Day is approaching =
Lovers happy again, and it's nice.
Rosie Perera with:
Plessy v. Ferguson: a bad Supreme Court decision =
Focus: Impugns "coloreds"; separated in every bus.
Snafu with:
The Church of Scientology proselytises =
Sly thought coercion, fertile psychoses.
Ellie with:
In Scotland we see ~
sleet, snow and ice.
Ellie with:
Sleet, snow and ice =
We see in Scotland.
Tony Crafter with:
Disillusioned traveler: ~
"Ireland? It is ever so dull." :(
Simeon Galavar with:
Before sundown =
Now surf, be done
Josiah Winslow with:
Self-deprecating humour ‡
*under laugh* "I'm so perfect."
Josiah Winslow with:
Plagiarised work =
Grasp a word I like.
Snafu with:
‘We are the Champions!’ =
Cheat more, win heaps.
Josiah Winslow with:
"Once upon a time..." =
Main cue to open.
AH with:
Treading on ice =
I notice danger.
1st - Mey K. with:
The criminal mind Ernst Stavro Blofeld =
That central evildoer in Mr. Bond's films.
2nd - Ellie with:
'Seascape' by Oscar-Claude Monet =
Ocean bays do seem spectacular!
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Edouard Manet's painting: 'The Luncheon on the Grass' =
Huh? One nude girl and men in coats? Strange pose, that.
Brian Taylor with:
Mr Scrooge is a true hero =
A goose mirrors the cure.
Valery Silivanov with:
Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries” =
We are favored girls in the sky.
Snafu with:
The series Narcos: Mexico =
Cocaine, sex, hits, remorse.
HSP with:
Mary Poppins Returns =
Sorry pap - men spurn it!
Adie Peña with:
"No Such Thing as a Fish" =
Oh, shush! Fascinating!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Disney's Mary Poppins Returns =
Uppity nanny's orders impress
Dharam with:
The biographical film 'Bohemian Rhapsody' ~
may help British face homophobia, darling.
Dharam with:
"Bohemian Rhapsody" =
His band: "Opera? Oh my!"
Brian Taylor with:
Orson Welles' 'F for Fake' =
False work for oneself.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Mary Poppins Returns =
Ms., stroppy Pa in re-run
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sarah Caroline Olivia Colman =
As Anne I am viral, or alcoholic
Ellie with:
Award winning film: 'The Favourite' =
We find warmth, great fun in Olivia.
Ellie with:
The film 'Bohemian Rhapsody' =
Oh, his life path: band memory!
Rosie Perera with:
"Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?" =
Memo: "We got to see a cute tots' show on the telly. Great!"
Rosie Perera with:
Tidying Up with Marie Kondo =
Imagined I'd throw out Pinky?!!
View with:
The famous motion picture ‘Ghostbusters' =
Some outfit! Rush it, get obscure phantoms!
Brian Taylor with:
Dark Mission: The Secret History Of NASA =
Essay has fiendish moon tricks... or ET art?)
Tyler Severance with:
Christian Bale winning best actor award =
Brando incarnate brings a wit while cast.
1st - HSP with:
It ain't broke? Don't fix it =
If it ain't OK, don't Brexit!
2nd - Mey K. with:
The special counsel Robert Swan Mueller =
"Let's all corner Trump now, because he lies!"
3rd (eq) - Jesse Frankovich with:
The American government shutdown =
Condemn that! The maneuver is wrong!
3rd (eq) - Ellie with:
In the bleak mid winter =
Mired in white blanket.
Snafu with:
Two niños ran, USA detains, then they die =
This year is two thousand and nineteen.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A partial government shutdown =
An overt Washington Trump deal.
Simeon Galavar with:
The POTUS's Syria troop withdrawal is maybe on "pause"?
=
I state, "Trump saw his poor blunder? I hope so. Stay away!"
View with:
Border wall funding =
Wrong, bad, ill funder
Adie Peña with:
The killing of a famous Washington Post journalist =
For intentions to stop Jamal Khashoggi is unlawful.
View with:
Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib =
Gosh, DT is abnormal, I can swear!
Adie Peña with:
Deaths in an escape room fire =
I fear team had corpses in one.
Dharam with:
"National emergency!" =
Angry line to menace.
Snafu with:
President Trump says “I can relate” =
Pretender cuts payments, is a liar.
Adie Peña with:
Trump to declare a national emergency? =
One could permanently target America!
AH with:
Trump addresses the nation ‡
Trust a handsome President.
Rosie Perera with:
The US trend's moving down? Then ~
end this government shutdown!
Rosie Perera with:
A protest sign: "TRUMP: END THE SHUTDOWN" =
In press: "Down, DT! Stop the huge tantrum!"
Rosie Perera with:
"Immigration crisis at our southern border" =
Horrors! -- Me, tourist, riding bus into America.
Ellie with:
Sir Andy Murray announces his retirement =
Irony: tennis may harm us... it ends career run.
Brian Taylor with:
Tulsi for President =
Proud leftist siren.
Rosie Perera with:
It's National Milk Day ~
-- A Latin lady into skim.
Brian Taylor with:
Unceded Wet’suwet’en territory, ~
yet we’re destitute under Crown.
Snafu with:
Pelosi’s getting rumor ~
Trump’s going to resile.
Tony Crafter with:
Theresa May's Brexit deal vetoed in historic defeat =
My! Extra voters decide that her idea is not feasible.
Simeon Galavar with:
Can smoke cigarettes =
Kiss me to get a cancer
Ellie with:
Prince P: "I am such a fool" =
Mishap of couple in car.
Rosie Perera with:
Serving free meals to furloughed federal employees =
Seemed heaven, glee for all Trump ideology sufferers.
Rosie Perera with:
Pale teen villains (in red cap) harm a thin ~
Native American elder, Nathan Phillips.
Brian Taylor with:
The 'Super Blood Wolf Moon' lunar eclipse =
Spellbound! Oh, clear powerful emotions!
Snafu with:
Total lunar eclipse and supermoon =
People laud astronomical stunner.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh =
Amoral bunch ruling the US
Rosie Perera with:
The Trump Shutdown ~
dumps the truth now.
Rosie Perera with:
Democrat Pelosi cancels State of the Union Address =
Trump can't stand decree! He's a fool; no class. See "idiot".
Snafu with:
This Haitian nurse rapist is caught =
A pariah’s act. Uh, isn’t it sinister? Ugh!
Rosie Perera with:
Roger Stone arrested at his Florida home =
O, real drama here, for DT's noose is tighter.
Rosie Perera with:
Deal reached, shutdown ends =
News: "Dunderhead cad lost, eh?"
Rosie Perera with:
Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, has a crash =
Oh, car flipped in a brier ditch; he's shaken up. Ugh!
Snafu with:
The Serbian gave the Spaniard ~
a thrashing. A bepraised event.
Snafu with:
‘Speak English’ email =
A shlemiel speaking.
Ellie with:
The Duke of Edinburgh in a car crash =
CRUNCH! A Brit figurehead, and he's OK.
Dharam with:
The Duke of Edinburgh was involved in an auto crash =
Dad had fun having a tour, but now revoke his license!
Rosie Perera with:
Apple's FaceTime lets you eavesdrop on other users =
Media see that creeps love to spy on us for pleasure.
Rosie Perera with:
Russians leak Mueller investigation evidence =
Villains smile, tried to seek vengeance, ruin USA.
1st - Adie Peña with:
Democrat Nancy Patricia D'Alesandro Pelosi =
Correct a paralysed nation and mad policies!
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The Mexican director Alfonso Cuarón =
Such a career to do "Roma" on Netflix, Inc.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Speaker of the House of Commons, John Simon Bercow =
Show him some respect? Come on! The Hon. buffoon's a joker.
View with:
The Reverend John Thomas Sweeney =
Sh! Heed, Johnson met every raw teen.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Kevin Spacey Fowler =
I paw rocks, feel envy
Ellie with:
Sarah Caroline Olivia Colman =
I nail a role: a monarch is vocal!
Dharam with:
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi =
Oy, she rankles a pious Pence!
View with:
Pelosi =
I.e. slop
Brian Taylor with:
Edward Bernays =
Brand draws eye.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh =
Amoral bunch ruling the US
HSP with:
President of Zimbabwe, Emmerson Mnangagwa =
News of big, brazen, power-mad mismanagement.
Snafu with:
The Welsh actor Windsor Davies =
We loved his orders. What antics!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Nancy Patricia Pelosi ~
can prey as politician.
db with:
President Jair Messias Bolsonaro =
Major person in Brasil does siesta!
Rosie Perera with:
Dakota Theriot =
Death to troika.
db with:
Wade Robson / James Safechuck =
"We'd each abuses from Jackson"
Rosie Perera with:
Senator Kamala Devi Harris =
A remark: Aha, DT's evil, so I ran.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Victorina Morales =
Reclaim visa, or not?
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) =
I must find men coming to America to screen.
2nd - Mey K. with:
Tetley bags ~
GB-style tea.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
SETI - The Search For Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence =
Their role is exacting, if rather relentless - trace ET!
View with:
Dodge Challenger =
Legend car. Gold, eh?
HSP with:
The National Border Patrol Council =
Liberal - Oh, I cannot protect our land.
Snafu with:
The species of fish called Thunnus orientalis =
Chef turns flesh into sushi, i.e. sliced on a plate
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The piriformis muscle =
It seems I curl from hip
Adie Peña with:
Laphroaig Islay Single Malt Scotch Whisky =
I'm high, as tipsy alcoholics walk strangely.
Rosie Perera with:
The Magisteral Reformation =
The mortal fire against Rome.
MIke Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Acute ankylosing spondylitis =
It's agony on sickly adult spine!
Rosie Perera with:
SOGI (Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity) =
Is tendentious teen Dixie a girl (and gay) or not?
Rosie Perera with:
Council of Conservative Citizens =
So, eccentric vote of uncivil Nazis.
Snafu with:
Dyson tower fan =
Now one’s drafty!
Dharam with:
North Carolina's Cape Hatteras National Seashore =
Harsh erosion can tailor an alternate coast shape.
Rosie Perera with:
State of the Union Address =
See it! DT's a fraud. He's not on.
Rosie Perera with:
The U.S. and Mexico border fence =
A decree to nix fecund hombres.
Ellie with:
The Gulf of California, or the Sea of Cortes =
Go to far shoreline for the life of a cactus.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts downing them as fast as he can.
Barman: "Hey, why're you drinkin' them so fast?" ~
The man answers: "Stress. Lots. You'd be drinking fast if you had what I have."
Barman: "Goodness, sorry... what ya got?"
Man: "Three cents."
2nd - Adie Peña with:
The aim then was nasty Mexico paying for a wall on the border. ~
So why are the American taxpayers now footing the damn bill?!
3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
"I am proud to shut down the government for border security" =
However, Trump's tried to burden you Democrats for nothing.
HSP with:
"Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes" (somewhat trite lyrics!)
=
Taylor Swift executes them in "Bad Blood" and it's shrill!
View with:
Holding back tears, Andy Murray announces retirement =
Remarkable tennis cut... many hard years on court ending.
Ellie with:
I knew today was going to be dreadful.
The morning was bitterly cold; I had a
flipping awful headache; then I ran into
this van...
~
CLUNK! An old fellow, a dwarf, sitting
in the driving seat bawled:
"IDIOT! I AM NOT HAPPY!"
"Er... so which ARE you?"
And then a fight began....
Rosie Perera with:
By continuing to browse this website, you agree to the use of cookies. To learn more, please consult our Privacy Policy.
=
We agree to serve you clickbait, a publicity selection from our sponsors. Nothing obscene; we are polite to you youths.
HSP with:
Niagara Falls region freezes as storm system sweeps through North America
=
Gosh amazing rare sights - sees crystalline water from famous spot near here!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"As of today, he is no longer the biggest wimp ever to serve as President of the United States" (Ann Coulter)
=
Effete Donald Trump caved in to rate over gentle George H. W. Bush as one's sissiest potentate in history
Josiah Winslow with:
I'm creating a student website for a class that I'm taking in college! =
A safe code-writing glitch test, OK? Submit a sentence, I'll anagram it!
Rosie Perera with:
Great things are done by a series of small things brought together. — Vincent Van Gogh =
That huge thing (Google) got made by enslaving hosts of starving, barren, recent hires.
1st - Dharam with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
"Will your pup bite?" a man asked a farm kid.
"No."
He approached. "Nice pup."
After canine severs a finger, man wails, "I thought it won't bite!"
Kid: "Not my dog!"
2nd - Ellie with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain.
=
A hungry pup looks to man
to keep him
fit. A cat might infuriate;
show disdain, prim,
independent. But I know
a dog cares:
A new, a fiercely brave pal.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain
=
A skeptical, non-PC view of man, I think! Ingratitude is a human trait. A pet dog is happy to be bred and fed - a human will keep screwing you for more.
Snafu with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain
=
Trump: he was a vile billionaire, a dopy President, a fucking prick, hating the uppity Democrat foe, fake news, hobo migrants, women and an audit.
HSP with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain.
=
Kind, appreciative people admire the wag of unassuming Fido, unlike insincere folk that don't; money-mad rubbish want a trophy WAG at a price!
db with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain. =
Chris Sturdy: "I've a barking mad pet...into anagramming, it'd in fact appear! He's epic! Ludo! Wake up then, boy! Time for walkies then!"
Ludo (in a pen): "Foow!"
Dharam with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain.
=
I picked one wry chiding Twain remark to provoke a man, but appreciate a dignified pup: "Man is the only animal that blushes—or needs to." (guffaw)
Dharam with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
In "fur kid" appreciation, I supply a fun remark by wicked Twain, made public afterward: "The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's."
Dharam with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
Partial advice by brainy Twain included upkeep of people: "When a man's dog turns against him, it is time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home..."
Rosie Perera with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
=
"What's the point of making a cur wealthy? But I make a man rich and get no return? Bipeds vs. puppies? I'd keep all money for raw food, gin." -- A Dietician
Dharam with:
"
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain=
My pup is a gentleman,
Fast wit, not mediocre;
Faithful, brave, and genuine;
Praised with playing poker:
A win! A champion!"
He outdid a stockbroker!"
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
=
Piffling pup pap is a Yank cut-up's - Oscar Wilde (aka Fame with "The heart was made to be broken ... Everything in moderation, including moderation")
View with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain.
=
Kick it! Sometimes we call a man "dog", but what is the name of pals' wife? Dear hairy friend? Kind dingo? Private ape? Orangutan? Puppy? No! Rue, no! BITCH!
AH with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
Ha! Afterward, Mr Clemens said he liked affectionate, purring kitties above mankind, human society, and a growing puppy population who bite.
db with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
A canine: Best friend to man, a devoted guide, worker, waits up, barks.
A feline: A haughty pet, I find! Prim, nocturnal, happy to pinch milk. Goes "miaow!"
Rosie Perera with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
Trump's dad gave him a million bucks; fair, in theory. He proceeded to bait a neat wife, appal us, not paying workers, f---ing up the nation. Wicked man!
Dharam with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
Ingrained logic a fair pup knew,
In a familiar adage proven to be true:
"Don't bite the hand that feeds you."
(My pup knows a milkman is crisp to chew!)
Ellie with:
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain.=
Dogs accept people for what they are.
Funny kid or adorable pup in Peanuts thinking aloud. Massive hit. I remember it now. In fact I'm a kinda wag.
Dharam with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
=
A fed pup loves its keeper unconditionally, no matter if the man is a grody pauper or king; a wife might stab a man in the back, end up a rich widow!
turnip with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain.
=
Politicians blamed other politicians for bad three week American government shutdown. Idea: a fake king and a wimpy puppy fight to run USA.
Adie Peña with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
=
We snub a barking Rin Tin Tin,
A padded pug, a kind Collie named Lassie.
We prepare to turn away Toto.
I'm picking up the heavy mastiff Hooch for me!
Rosie Perera with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain
=
Wes Anderson directed "Isle of Dogs" which made the point that kicking out a nippy pet animal may be popular but unfair. Make a vow, refraining.
Ellie with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
FIDO
I am loyal.
I whine, yap or
bark; pee, poop and
more; run in rings
and pick up stuff.
Men watch and see
me wag a tail...
doing tricks. But
I hate the vet.
Dharam with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain.
=
Man approaching a pup asked a farm kid, "Will your pup bite?"
"No."
After the canine severed a finger, man wails, "Ouch! It won't bite, eh?!"
Kid: "It's not my dog!"
HSP with:
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.' - Mark Twain.=
Treachery in a dog is not unknown if hardly wicked as Mein Kampf Lebensraum but limited, I hope, to appropriating a vacated sofa when I get up!
Dharam with:
Online Ad for Grammarly"""
Make sure everything you type is:
* Clear
* Effective
* Mistake-free
Download for FREE!=
For Anagram:
* Revere Freeware
* Spellcheck it
* You may need a visual
* If not "godlike", forfeit need for symmetry!
Josiah Winslow with:
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
=
The hilarious difference between a warm, romantic boy, and a puppet: If I'm having no strings attached, unlike a sad old puppet, I'm working okay!
1st - Dharam with:
A man walks into a bar on a Friday evening. He tells the bartender, "I’d like three shots of your finest Irish whiskey, please."
The bartender lines the three shots up for him, the gent pays for his drinks, enjoys the whiskeys, and leaves without another word.
The next Friday, the patron comes back and places the same order. "I’d like three shots of your finest Irish whiskey, please," he says. He pays, he drinks, and again, he leaves without a word.
This goes on every Friday for months. Finally, one Friday, the bartender asks, "Would you like to try something else, sir?"
"Ah, no," the man replies. "You see, these are for my two brothers back in Dublin. I have one shot for Colin, one shot for James, and one for me. Colin and James are doing the same across the pond, and it's like we're all drinking together."
~
Refreshing! A nice old-fashioned idea, the barkeep thinks. They strike up a conversation, share a few weathered jokes, and soon become friends.
Seasons and years pass, and every Friday the elderly man returns to the safety of the bar, in a routine where he religiously orders his three shots of Irish whiskey, indulges, and thanks the bartender.
Late one evening the fellow enters alone, appearing a bit off, forlorn, and states, "I need a drink - two shots of Irish whiskey."
"Oh, no!" the barkeep exclaims in horror. "Don't tell me something has happened to Colin or James! Is everything okay with your kinfolk back home?"
"Oh yes, all is well with the family," the man assures him. "My brothers are healthy as horses, so you don't need to worry. It's just that I, myself, have decided to stop drinking."
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
An elderly couple, who had been courting for many years, finally decided that they should get married. While out making their wedding plans, they went into a pharmacy.
The old man asked the assistant, "Do you sell arthritis pills here?"
"Yes, sir, we do," said the assistant.
"How about heart medication?"
"Yes, we supply that too."
"And do you have anything for constipation?"
"Naturally!"
"And denture cleaners?"
"Of course, sir."
"Ah... but how about Viagra?" winked the elderly man.
"Ah, yes, we have Viagra too!"
"And sleeping tablets?"
"We keep them in bulk."
"Acid reflux tablets?"
"We have many kinds."
"Oh my, this is great news!" whooped the delighted old man, nodding to his bride-to-be.
"Okay then - we'd like to register here for our wedding gifts!"
=
The elderly lady was standing by the cruise ship's railing clutching a large hat to her head to stop it blowing away.
A gentleman walked up and said, "Excuse me, madam; I do not wish to be forward, but did you know that the whole of your dress is billowing up in the wind?"
"Yes, my good man, I did know," she replied; "however, I need both hands free to hold onto this hat."
"I appreciate that, madam; but you must also realise that you're not wearing knickers and that your private areas are in full view of all the deck's passengers!" entreated the horrified man.
The lady glanced down, then looked back at the gentleman. "Sir," she replied, "anything you see down there is seventy-five years old. I only bought this hat yesterday!"
3rd - Mey K. with:
A Narcissist's Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did... You deserved it.
=
Trump's Story
I didn't aid Putin!
And if I did, this isn't nasty.
And if it was, I gotta ban that law.
And if it's deep-set, I'd say Obama did it.
And if he didn't, I'd tweet rants.
And if that fails... "THE CARAVAN!!"
Dharam with:
Top Ten Inventions of Nikola Tesla that have changed the world:
1. Alternating current
2. Fluorescent light bulbs
3. X-rays
4. Radio
5. Remote control
6. Electric motor
7. Robotics
8. Laser
9. Wireless communications
10. Limitless free energy
=
1. Trouble with Edison's theft
2. Neon signs
3. Chronicle our mortal existence
4. Beat Marconi's
5. Steer boats, Mars rover
6. Rotating magnetic fields
7. Future AI
8. Lethal worry - it kills!
9. Modern prevalent technology
10. LOL! Contract, license?
Adie Peña with:
TEN OF THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS WALLS IN HISTORY
The Great Wall of China, China
The Berlin Wall, Germany
Western Wall, Jerusalem
Hadrian’s Wall, England
Antonine Wall, Scotland
Great Zimbabwe Walls, Zimbabwe
Wall of Babylon, Iraq
Wall of Ston, Croatia
Walls of Troy, Turkey
Sacsayhuaman, Peru
=
OLD BUZZARD TRUMP
A grotesque man
With ineffable gall
And a brain so small.
"I want money!"
Longs for a brawl,
He wants a wall.
"For less money!"
In her answer
A Nancy will stall
Down to a crawl.
"I want money!"
Like a baby he'll bawl.
Not worth our call!
The wiseacres say:
"It's ego after all...
Just watch him fall."
Dharam with:
Advice from the Dog
— Iilan Shamir
Be loyal
Delight in the simple joys of a long walk
Unleash your talents
Hide your favorite snack
Make new friends
Learn new tricks, no matter your age
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
=
Mongrel:
Don't work at a computer for long
Hold me while I shed hair on your classy cloak
If you want the ball, get it yourself
Never leave me in a "cone of shame" again
Whenever there's rain and wet mud, it's time to shake
Enjoy my garden skills
Ellie with:
Just as a butcher Jim, is shooing a dog away from his shop, he sees a ten dollar bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “Five lean lamb chops, please.”
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth, and then quickly closes up the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him cross the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.
When a bus arrives, he walks to the front, looks at the number and then boards it. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus is traveling out into the suburbs, the dog is taking in the scenery.
After a while, he stands on his rear paws to push the “STOP” bell, and then the butcher duly follows him off.
~
The dog runs up to a house and drops his lamb chops bag on the step.
He goes back down the path, takes a run, and throws himself - WHAP! - at the unbreakable door. He does this half-a-dozen times. No joy.
So he climbs on a thin wall, hotfoots it round the garden, beats his head at a window, jumps off, then he sits at the front door. Unbelievable.
A glum, burly man in shabby black sleeveless shirt, comes out and shouts at the little dog.
The butcher chap rushes up himself and screams back: "STOP! STOP! What the hell're you doin', maniac? This dog is skilled, unique, genius!"
"Genius? Clever?" the owner scoffs, "Hah, cobblers! That's twice this month that he's forgotten the keys!"
Dharam with:
Democratic Candidates for US President in 2020 (Announced and Potential):
1. Sen. Kamala Harris
2. Sen. Elizabeth Warren
3. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand
4. Former Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Julian Castro
5. Former Rep. John Delaney
6. West Virginia State Sen. Richard Ojeda
7. Entrepreneur Andrew Yang
8. Rep. Tulsi Gabbard
9. Former Vice President Joe Biden
10. Former U.S. Rep. Beto O'Rourke
11. Sen. Bernie Sanders
12. Sen. Cory Booker
13. Sen. Amy Klobuchar
14. Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
=
Runner Objective:
1. Break Border Wall, Keep Family Together
2. Address Consumer and Environment Protections
3. Ensure Moral Integrity
4. Address Overburdened Criminal Justice System
5. Offer Bipartisanship
6. Legalization of Cannabis
7. Broaden Annual Job Creation
8. Address Sad Foreign Policy and Fear
9. Reawaken Racial Tolerance
10. Referee Healthcare Reform
11. No-Nonsense Rerun, or 2020 Hindsight?
12. MLK-type Remarks
13. End Perjury and Obstruction
14. Rerun; She Yearns to Be War President!
Adie Peña with:
"In light of the fact that you are a pathological liar, you should not be heard to complain about inaccurate media reports." (Kellyanne Conway's husband George)
=
According to the rational, courageous guy, critical Donald Trump (shakably a nabob in the White House) is actually the aloof and arrogant enemy of the people!
Snafu with:
A Long List of the Twenty Greatest Soccer Players in the World of All Time
1. Pele (Edson Arantes do Nascimento)
2. Diego Maradona
3. Lionel Messi
4. Johan Cruyff
5. Alfredo Di Stefano
6. Ferenc Puskas
7. Franz Beckenbauer
8. Zinedine Zidane
9. Paolo Maldini
10. Michel Platini
11. Garrincha (Manuel Francisco dos Santos)
12. Gerd Muller
13. Zico (Arthur Antunes Coimbra)
14. Cafu (Marcos Evangelista de Morais)
15. Cristiano Ronaldo
16. Lev Yashin
17. Marco van Basten
18. Bobby Moore
19. George Best
20. Eusebio da Silva Ferreira=
1. Most esteemed scorer from Brazil - so good, so self-effacing too
2. One emotional Argentine dwarf - 'Hand of God' liar, did not atone
3. A wee man - five Ballons d'Or commemorate honoree's mastery
4. Dutch ace - so speedy, flees adversaries
5. S. America or in Spain
6. Hungary
7. 'Der Kaiser'
8. France (Les Bleus)
9. A.C. Milan, Italy
10. France
11. Brazilian
12. Germany
13. Brazilian
14. Brazilian
15. Juventus - too narcissistic
16. Soviet Union
17. Dutch
18. England
19. Belfast, N. Ireland - incomparable alcoholic
20. Portuguese 'Black Panther'
1st (eq) - Adie Peña with:
JANUARY
By John Shea
With numbing cold, biting at my brittle bones
I feel many years giving me a wake up shake
Gripping my coat through the more gripping cold
I feel the world has grown old.
January I cried for my Mom the first time
She probably cried and then smiled for my tears
She surely is yet smiling for my thoughts through these years
For the tears that she shed were at giving me birth
January is the warmest time on earth =
JANUARY
From great big thoughts, I 'Imagine' them all,
Inspired by the John Lennon Wall I see.
Remember the January in Prague – they did
Sing 'War Is Over' by him, a worthy gift for me.
These 'Strawberry Fields Forever' films begin;
Might destroy his memory up my tree.
Our John did scribble that in dusty Spain;
Nightly sketches that change with glee.
Thanks for the year, my Anagrammy pals so dear;
Hope it comes through – with great music, too!
1st (eq) - Dharam with:
Groundhog Day
Deemed an important film, culturally,
That old movie, the inspiring comedy,
The one which Buddhists love,
Is the fictional tale of
A weatherman potrayed by actor Bill Murray.
This single weatherman, Phil, has been sent
To cover a Groundhog Day event.
He's very difficult to please,
And that's because he's
Such an arrogant and cynical gent!
There's a blizzard and Phil's forced to stay
In Punxsutawney for one more day.
He awakens, but something is wrong;
He hears Sonny and Cher's song -
"I Got You Babe" is what he hears play.
It's the same song from the morning before
When he woke up at six and walked out the door.
He steps out into the street,
And things repeat and repeat.
This is something he can't ignore.
He's stuck in a time loop, when
Every morning he hears "I Got You Babe," then
The man, once so vain,
Begins to go completely insane,
As Groundhog Day comes again and again!
When he understands there won't be
Any punishment whatsoever when he
Does anything wrong,
It isn't too long
Before Phil behaves most crazily!
He drives recklessly and binges on beer,
Since tomorrow will never be here;
He drives on tracks and off a steep cliff,
Which he wouldn't do if
He hadn't lost all fear.
~
There's a shy attractive newswoman Phil wants to know,
He keeps conversing with her every day, so
He can remember how to get her to adore
Him every day more and more,
For, nonetheless, his affection for her continues to grow.
Over perplexing, yet creative, efforts to win Rita's heart,
He gains an enthusiastic appreciation of art,
French poetry, and learns to play
Piano scales much better each day.
With attention shown to hapless townsfolks' lives, he plays a meaningful part.
Seven glum sunless years have come and gone, and by year eight,
He has become enlightened, but how will it cancel his bizarre fate?
By recognizing all the neighbors' needs?
Bent on doing compassionate deeds,
In Rita's eyes, he becomes thoughtful, handsome, and great!
It's another Groundhog Day, and Phil has suddenly learned
That the modern clock's glowing numbers must have turned!
Through the great power of
A simple unconditional love,
At length, a fresh day has somehow been earned!
An old song "I Got You, Babe" might annoy Phil next to his head,
But it's not Groundhog Day this sunny dawn; instead,
He wakes thankful to find
He's no longer in such a bind
With his beloved Rita beside him in the warm cozy bed!
3rd - db with:
Uptown Funk
by Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson
This hit, that ice cold
Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold
This one for them hood girls
Them good girls straight masterpieces
Stylin', wilin', livin' it up in the city
Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent
Gotta kiss myself, I'm so pretty
I'm too hot (hot damn)
Called a police and a fireman
I'm too hot (hot damn)
Make a dragon wanna retire man
I'm too hot (hot damn)
Say my name you know who I am
I'm too hot (hot damn)
And my band 'bout that money, break it down
Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo)
Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo)
Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo)
'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you
'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you
'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you
Saturday night and we in the spot
Don't believe me just watch (come on)
Don't believe me just watch uh
Don't believe me just watch
Don't believe me just watch
Don't believe me just watch
Don't believe me just watch
Hey, hey, hey, oh
Stop, wait a minute
Fill my cup, put some liquor in it
Take a sip, sign a check
Julio, get the stretch
Ride to Harlem, Hollywood
Jackson, Mississippi
If we show up, we gon' show out
Smoother than a fresh jar of Skippy
I'm too hot (hot damn)
Called a police and a fireman
I'm too hot (hot damn)
Make a dragon wanna retire man
I'm too hot (hot damn)
Bitch say my name you know who I am
I'm too hot (hot damn)
Am I bad 'bout that money
Break it down
Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo)
Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo)
Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo)
'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you
'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you
'Cause uptown funk gon' give it to you
Saturday night and we in the spot
Don't believe me just watch (come on)
Don't believe me just watch uh
Don't believe me just watch uh
Don't believe me just watch uh
Don't believe me just watch
Don't believe me just watch
Hey, hey, hey, oh
Before we leave
Lemmi tell y'all a lil' something
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up uh
I said uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Come on, dance, jump on it
If you sexy then flaunt it
If you freaky then own it
Don't brag about it, come show me
Come on, dance
Jump on it
If you sexy then flaunt it
Well it's Saturday night and we in the spot
Don't believe me just watch come on!
Don't believe me just watch uh
Don't believe me just watch uh
Don't believe me just watch uh
Don't believe me just watch
Don't believe me just watch
Hey, hey, hey, oh
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up (say what?)
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up (say what?)
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up (say what?)
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up
Uptown funk you up (say what?)
Uptown funk you up
=
'Shutdown Fuck'
by The Donald
(the usual pseudonym of U.S. President Donald John Trump...an offensive, petulant popinjay, a jumped-up juvenile nincompoop with unusually low intelligence):
In Washington, lights out,
Covfefe up in the White House,
Keep taco-munchers out of the US!
(Listen up to the pompous shitgibbon!)
We just furloughed off,
Every union worker in the city,
I've got Schumer on the ropes,
I think naughty Nancy's kinda pretty!
Pelosi, man...wow, hot stuff! Stunning huh? I think that I may just have to have me a bit of kinky congress humping it! (Joke!)
I'm too hot (damn funky!)
Won't pay the Law, won't pay no fireman.
I'm a "ten"! A fly guy without doubt!
Make that wall, up high, man!
I'm too hot (dodge 'Nam!)
In more hot water than El Niño.
Soy demasiado candente
- We be hotter than a jalapeno!
Just break them Democrats down!
Hit out your hallelujah (whoo!)
Hit out your hallelujah (whoo!)
Hit out your hallelujah (whoo!)
My Shutdown Fuck gon' give it to you,
My Shutdown Fuck gon' give it to you,
My Shutdown Fuck gon' give it to you,
You won't believe me? Just watch!
You won't believe me? Just watch!
You won't believe me? Just watch!
You won't believe me? Just watch!
Keep up!
I'm too hot (hot damn!)
My vivid yellow toupeé on fire, man!
I'm hot (pink ham!)
My funky pants, like a pyre, man!
I'm hot (like a yuge unhealthy deep-pan!)
My taut Y-Fronts, dey bunchin'!
I'm too hot (wham bam!)
Melania be punchin'!
Hit out your hallelujah (whoo!)
Hit out your hallelujah (whoo!)
Hit out your hallelujah (whoo!)
My Shutdown fuck, gon' sock it to you,
My Shutdown fuck, gon' sock it to you,
My Shutdown fuck, gon' sock it to you,
Lookout!
Wake up, you conniving, sombrero-wearing lousy punks!
Wake up! Tijuana Brass time!
Walk out from sunny Puebla,
Guadalajara, or Durango...
But not even one human caravan gettin' in,
Not on my watch...stopped by Mr Tango!
Imma keep the Mexican multitudes out,
I'm the POTUS! You watch my mouth!
Like my johnson, or Stormy Daniels' puppies,
- Headin' off down south!
Hey, Julio! Out, out, out!
It's in the pipeline, no joke at all.
High as my Trump penthouse in Manhattan,
Imma put me up that unfunded wall!
Won't believe it people, just watch!
Won't believe it people, just watch!
Won't believe it people, just watch!
Won't believe it people, just watch!
(Now up on Twitter).
Shutdown fuck you up,
Shutdown, we fuck you up.
Shutdown fuck you up,
Shutdown, we fuck you up.
Shutdown fuck you up,
Shutdown, we fuck you up.
Shutdown fuck you up,
Shutdown, we fuck you up.
We out uptown, we out downtown,
I'm just a buffoon in a bouffant wig.
I've a punchable orange-hue pumpkin face,
But won't give a funkin' frig.
Mexico, they'll put my wall up,
A fine monument to us to build.
But don't forget, YOU pay for it!
Don't want the country with mosques filled!
("What!!!! But wait!!! Whaddya mean they're devout CHRISTIANS?")
Ellie with:
CHANGES AT THE NORTH POLE ORGANIZATION
Today's global challenges require the North Pole to look for many more competitive steps. The following economy measures, effective immediately, are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" music subsidiary:
1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a useful plastic hanging plant, thus providing considerable welcome savings in maintenance.
2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy which is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions must be eliminated forthwith.
3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French... don't we?
4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis must be undertaken immediately to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long that they may have talked to them.
5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on merely one commodity could have negative implications for many institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks, appear to be in order.
6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can just no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day was an example of the general decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now on, every goose it gets will be okay, a good one.
~
7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a figure chosen in better times; too extravagant, too dear. The function is primarily decorative. Excellent biodegradable mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained, belatedly, to learn new strokes, thereby enhancing their outplacement.
8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny too. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The belligerent and hotheaded maids concerned do consider this a dead-end job, even hell, with no recognizable upward mobility. Total automation of the process therefore will permit them independently to try at a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching livelihoods.
9) Nine ladies dancing: that has always been illogically an odd number. This function will be phased out totally as these hot-footed individuals collectively grow older and they can no longer do the elaborate choreographed steps.
10) Ten Lords-a-leaping: that is effectively overkill. The high cost of the elite Lords, plus the expense of international air travel too, prompted the Committee to suggest replacing this ineffective group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be sacrificed, the savings effected are significant as we confidently expect to see an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.
11,12) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band effectively getting too big. A substitution with a cool string quartet, a cutback too on new tunes, and no uniforms, will therefore produce a saving - a lot - which will drop right to the bottom line.
A memo from Corporate: Have a Merry and a Happy one everybody while you can.
HO-HO-HO!
sg with:
ABE =
ABE
Simeon Galavar with:
Mid-stairs
Written by the acclaimed valiant American poet, Virginia Hamilton Adair
And here on this turning of the stair
Between passion and doubt,
I pause and say a double prayer,
One for you, and one for you;
And so they cancel out.
(Grammar's brilliant.)
=
On Pretty Nature Burning (in a Lunatic Country of Habitual Air-Raid Action)
By anagrammist Simeon Galavar
Where doom is death oh I can be
All abandoned, no remains,
Solo everyday for me.
The sea dried up, I can't sit up;
Earth destroyed its own faint plains.
Simeon Galavar with:
A Cradle Song
Written by the famous William Butler Yeats
The angels are stooping
Above your bed.
They weary of trooping
With the whimpering dead.
God's laughing in Heaven
To see you so good;
The Sailing Seven
Are gay with his mood.
I sigh that kiss you,
For I must own
That I shall miss you
When you have grown.
(A wonderful literary poem!)
=
A Huge, Gutsy Breakthrough via That Love
By happy (gay) guy, Mr. Simeon Galavar
Alone in a corner
I pity them.
To feel beyond torture
Is but to all mayhem.
He was telling no-one
His good is here;
He hid, undone,
Pain as in fear!
So, wise, the Master
Did my heart strong,
As of disasters
Is love lifelong.
'Tis God wishing you youth & huge wit!
Wow, wow, wow!
Simeon Galavar with:
A Lady's Brief Poem
I always know when I'm in love.
Like trees a desert lends.
I thought I saw you twice today.
Of course it always ends.
=
Fatigued Widow's Blue Weekday
Life can stop, you not awake?
O, loss is essentially
Vile and sorrow, it with heartache.
End my misery.
Tony Crafter with:
RING RING
Abba
I was sitting by the phone
I was waiting all alone
Baby by myself I sit and wait and wonder about you
It's a dark and dreary night
Seems like nothing's going right
Won't you tell me honey how can I go on here without you?
Yes I'm down and feeling blue
And I don't know what to do, oh-oh
Ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?
Ring, ring, the happiest sound of them all
Ring, ring, I stare at the phone on the wall
And I sit all alone impatiently
Won't you please understand the need in me
So, ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?
So, ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?
You were here and now you're gone
Hey did I do something wrong?
I just can't believe that I could be so badly mistaken
Was it me or was it you?
Tell me, are we really through?
Won't you hear me cry and you will know that my heart is breaking
Please forgive and then forget
Or maybe darling better yet, oh-oh
Ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?
Ring, ring, the happiest sound of them all
Ring, ring, I stare at the phone on the wall
And I sit all alone impatiently
Won't you please understand the need in me
So, ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?
So, ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?
Oh-oh, ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?
So, ring, ring, why don't you give me a call?
=
HEY, HONEY I DON'T WANNA GO
(Ditty by a prisoner to a wife).
I'm impounded in this cell,
Which you would say is hell,
But things really are all right, not as tough as they appear.
Now the Government's agreed,
That we gaolbirds have our needs,
And daily they're doin' things to make it less rigid here.
Suddenly our dreams have come true!
And at last we get our dues, yeah-yeah!
Ring, ding, I've got a phone in my cell,
Ring, ding, I got a new TV as well,
Ring, ding, it's like a five-star hotel,
When I go to bed and lights are low,
There's an After Eight mint on my pillow,
So, ring, ring, I'm takin' calls in my cell!
Yes, ring, ring, I got a cell in my cell.
Everything's sure lookin' up,
They say I'll soon own a pup!
And, honey, you won't believe just what I'm gonna tell you!
Now I'm sure I heard it right,
That to keep us warm at night,
We can now share our bed with a woman (or guy) all night through!
And now I've got my own door key,
How much better could life be? yo-ho
Ring, ring, why don't you give me a bell?
Ring, ring, I got a phone in my cell.
Ring, ring, honey I'm doin' real well,
Yet I'm due for parole one day in May,
But I don't want to go, I wanna stay,
So ring, ring, tell 'em I don't wanna go,
Yeah-yeah, ring, ring, tell 'em I don't wanna go,
Honeybaby I don't wanna go,
Honeybaby I don't wanna go.
(fadeout)
Tony Crafter with:
Leo the lion was drinking from a stream with his bottom in the air, just as Coco, a baboon, was passing by.
From the baboon's viewpoint, the lion looked like Leonora (a lioness who had a certain reputation for loose morals) so the cheeky monkey crept up noiselessly from behind, with a view to enjoying a bit of slap and tickle with her.
On feeling Coco's sudden touch, the startled lion let out an almighty roar and turned around. Immediately realising his mistake, the monkey took off like a bat out of hell, dashing goggle-eyed, through the dense jungle with the furious lion in hot pursuit.
The lion was gaining on Coco by the second, and the monkey was just resigning himself to the possibility of a gruesome death at the paws of his assassin, when he suddenly came across a hunter's camp.
Without further ado, he whizzed into the camp, donned a safari suit and, whipped on a pith helmet. Then he threw himself into a chair, grabbed a copy of The Times and hid behind it as though he was reading.
The lion bounded into the clearing and screeched to a halt. As soon as the dust had settled, he asked, "Hey man, have you by any chance seen a baboon come past here?"
"What baboon is that?" replied Coco; "it wasn't the one that goosed that lion down by the stream, was it?"
"Oh hell," groaned the lion, "don't tell me it's in the newspapers already."
=
A man started a new job at a zoo and was given three tasks to carry out.
First task was to clear the ornamental fish pool of weeds.
As he was doing this, an enormous fish jumped out and bit him on the finger.
As a lesson to the other fish, the man beat it to death with a spade.
Realising his employer would not be too impressed, he disposed of the poor fish by feeding it to the lions as, luckily, lions'll eat anything.
During the second job of clearing out the monkey house, he was attacked by two feisty chimps pelting him in unison with coconuts.
In retaliation, the man laid into them with a spade, killing both.
Panicking, he thought, 'Me oh my, what can I do? Of course! I'll feed them to the lions, as lions eat anything.'
So he hurled their corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moved on to his final job, which was to collect honey from the South American bee colony.
As soon as he began, uproar ensued as he was attacked and stung by the angry bees.
Raging in pain, he grabbed the spade and smashed the bees to a horrible pulp.
By now he knew what to do and chucked them into the lion cage - because lions'll eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrived at the zoo.
He wandered up to another lion and said 'Good morning; what is the food like here?'
"Absolutely delicious," remarked the other lion. "Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees!"
1st - Mey K. with:
Doing untimely shots at a party ~
may lead to shitting your pants.
2nd - Adie Peña with:
A philanderer's ~
real hard penis.
3rd - JR with:
Impeach the motherfucker. =
"Ahem! Fetch Trump." "OK!" I cheer.
HSP with:
Oral pleasure ‡
repel arousal.
Valery Silivanov with:
The solstice. =
Oh, testicles.
Valery Silivanov with:
What a violent orgasm, ~
with love to anagrams.
Tony Crafter with:
I inserted a toilet brush up the arse
=
A thrust rite established in Europe.
View with:
Loud orgasm =
Our lads' "OMG!"
Simeon Galavar with:
I nailed a woman =
i.e. moan and wail
Jesse Frankovich with:
Mushroom penis =
Humpin's morose.
Snafu with:
Shaven cunt’s ~
Venus’ snatch.