Nominations for February, 2019

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
"Pay it if I deliver Jesus Christ to a cross?" =
Judas Iscariot's thirty pieces of silver.

2nd - Brian Taylor with:
The master sensei ~
shatters enemies.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
A fidget spinner =
In adept fingers.

Brian Taylor with:
Sift for a 'True Self' =
A fruitless effort.

Adie Pena with:
Sifting through the mess =
She might sight fortunes.

Rosie Perera with:
Social media accounts =
Aim to access in a cloud.

Rosie Perera with:
A presidential pardon =
DT: I'd spare a pal (or nine).

View with:
Preposterous =
Poor step, sure

George Missailidis with:
Corrupt officials are ~
foul, racist for a price.

George Missailidis with:
Was in a bathtub to ~
obtain a butt-wash.

Josiah Winslow with:
Tomatoes are the best fruit. =
It hurts me to eat roast beef.

Adie Pena with:
The scourge of white Americans =
When racism, hate get ferocious.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
A naturalistic ~
satanic ritual.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Postural syndrome =
End to a sorry slump

View with:
The truth finally came to light =
Halt, men caught tort - filthy lie!

David Bourke with:
Dating sites =
AIDS testing.

Rosie Perera with:
Deepfake video technology =
A phony edge to deceive folk.

Micah with:
A sunset =
Eats sun

Micah with:
God Bless America =
Soldier Bags Came

Rosie Perera with:
Healing crystal =
A clear sly thing

Rosie Perera with:
A poem: winter here
had new ~
weird
weather phenomena.

Ellie Dent with:
Headline news =
When a lie ends.

Adrian Hickford with:
Selling flowers =
We'll fling roses.

Ellie Dent with:
A simple ode =
Poem's ideal.

George Missailidis with:
A baby's creative drawing skill =
Kid scribbles away, leaving art.

Brian Taylor with:
Viruses? Develop an antidote! =
Plan: need a dose to survive it.

Rosie Perera with:
The bird watcher brought in his toolkit such tools as ~
binoculars, guide book, short whistle, torch, this & that.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Planet earth =
Attn: Help era!

Micah with:
Lionesses =
Noiseless.

George Missailidis with:
Great, honeybees can do arithmetic! =
They are nice, care to be doing maths!

Julian Lofts with:
Presidential harassment =
He’s a damn persistent liar!

George Missailidis with:
The wisdom of anagrams ~
fathoms a game in words!

George Missailidis with:
See all the children eat candy! =
And chances are, teeth'll yield.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The bird watcher brought in his toolkit such tools as ~
bread crust, book with locations (relish this thought!)

Dharam Khalsa with:
The bird watcher brought in his toolkit such tools as ~
his gear, book with colored thrush list, but not his cat!

Rosie Perera with:
The bird watcher brought in his toolkit such tools as ~
his big lens (with hood), chair (to rest butt), luck (oh, sorta).

Richard Grantham with:
The golden spiral =
Pleasing the Lord!

View with:
Presidential harassment =
DT's realms - pain in the arse!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Be upstanding in court" and "All rise" =
Signs introduced a penal tribunal

Tony Crafter with:
William Shakespeare loves words and ~
disallows vile ampersands, we hear. OK?

Rosie Perera with:
Mountain climbing expeditions =
Alpine summit bid, no? Exciting, no?

George Missailidis with:
So birds eat ~
bread I toss?

John Ramos with:
The Simeon Galavar Page =
Gee, VIP anagrams a lot, eh?

Brian Taylor with:
Sold a URL for ~
four dollars.

John Ramos with:
Very old nuts for sale. ~
Seventy-four dollars.

Rick Rothstein with:
Too Much Information =
I cram foot in mouth, no?

Rosie Perera with:
Cerebral amyloid angiopathy =
Holy crap! A big royal dementia.

George Missailidis with:
all integers are on ~
large linear No. set

Micah with:
Brief Strong Language =
Banter slang? Go figure.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
No love handles ~
on Heavens doll.

Adrian Hickford with:
It's too good to be true =
Sore, it got booted out.

Josiah Winslow with:
Plausible deniability =
Plainly used alibi, I bet.

Rosie Perera with:
School's closed. It's a snow day! =
No classes. Why? Is too cold. Sad.

Rosie Perera with:
Battery is dead =
Read its "by" date.

George Missailidis with:
Untidy notes disrupted ~
student in study period.

Dharam Khalsa with:
What is the definition of 'heresy'? =
Defy theories within one's faith.

Rosie Perera with:
Fine lady lover was sent ~
Valentine's Day flowers.

View with:
Valentine's Day present =
Yes, neat silver pendant!

Micah with:
I can, due to ~
education.

George Missailidis with:
One romantic kiss in the ~
rain's too nice, methinks :)

Rosie Perera with:
Identifying as a visible minority, ~
I singly obtain fine aim: diversity.

turnip with:
Hospice care =
Heroic space.

Julian Lofts with:
Teacher in classroom =
Mr Ire canes at school.

Rosie Perera with:
Suckling pig =
Sick gulping!

George Missailidis with:
False hope ~
helps a foe.

Brian Taylor with:
Teacher's pet =
Respect the 'A'.

Rosie Perera with:
The vintage Coca-Cola memorabilia sold on eBay =
Ah, maybe I've got a collectible soda can in a room.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bad advertisement: One night stand =
Advised on better name: Nightstand.

Adrian Hickford with:
Education in the classroom =
Old sanctimonious teacher.

Rosie Perera with:
Don't let fear of failure get you down =
Go, try, do fine. Allow no future defeat!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Disney Prince ‡
in presidency.

Valery Silivanov with:
This is a daemon. =
I am astonished.

Brian Taylor with:
Certain conditions apply =
Contains a printed policy.

FatPhil with:
I need invention for losers =
Television dinners for one.

David Bourke with:
A pregnancy test =
Get "cyan"...parents!

Rosie Perera with:
Medicare for All =
I'm a free local dr.

Rosie Perera with:
Fact-checking photographs on Snopes =
Photoshop! Fakers changing concepts.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ellie with:
Oscar winning actress Olivia Colman =
Victor is also claiming crown as Anne.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
'Green Book' wins Best Picture at the Oscar Awards =
We begin to see a raw, stern racist South backdrop.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The late actor Albert Finney =
Often a rebel? Certainly that!

View with:
"Ralph Breaks the Internet" =
Brethren, he tears apt link!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway =
Remiss Brett Ashley was no shy ingenue!

Rosie Perera with:
The New England Patriots win the Super Bowl =
And being sure, we will thwart the opponents.

Julian Lofts with:
Northern Irish actor Liam Neeson =
His role: an inherent racist moron!

David Bourke with:
Sir Thomas Beecham =
"Bach has *some* merit!"

Tony Crafter with:
The Brighton Gay Men's Chorus =
Sung to beach region rhythms.

Ellie Dent with:
"Woman with Parasol" by Claude Monet =
Paint a brolly, Madame's own ... how cute!

George Missailidis with:
I notice the Anagrammy's voting is now open =
Can vote? Saw something great, in my opinion! :)

Julian Lofts with:
‘The Night Watch’ is a Rembrandt masterpiece =
Patriarchs with beards met, enacting theme.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The new film 'The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part' =
2nd memo: Pieces haven't fit together...Oh, well.

Adie Pena with:
Frederic Auguste Bartholdi's Statue of Liberty =
Suitable for life today, structure bridges hate.

Adie Pena with:
Oscar-nominated historical film 'The Favourite' =
Olivia Colman? Her dramatic effort outshines it!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Cohen's testimony =
Con's honesty time.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The State of the Union Address ~
denies the truths of one's data.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Atty. Robert Swan Mueller, the Special Counsel =
We can see that Trump, clearly in trouble, loses.

Tony Crafter with:
(White House advisor) "God wanted Trump to be President." =
Rash view. The odious President Trump wanted to be God!

Rosie Perera with:
USA border agency makes biggest-ever fentanyl bust =
Drugs enter, unbeatable by vast risky fence. Some gag.

View with:
Trump accused of 'not working hard enough' =
Ouch, our dormant Pres. waged nothing! Fuck!

Rosie Perera with:
Donald Trump's complexion =
Dump tan mix on; cells droop.

Rosie Perera with:
The measles outbreak in Washington =
Seething nurse: "Make law: obtain shot!"

View with:
Saleh al-Zandani =
Allah send a nazi

Rosie Perera with:
The highly anticipated Mueller report =
Real great, eh? I hope they'll indict Trump!

Rosie Perera with:
Trump's State of the Union Address will be unpopular =
Upturn: Most oppose insane "Build the Wall" fraudster.

Rosie Perera with:
Democrats' "ridiculous partisan investigations" =
A dangerous idiotic Trump, a narcissist, lies on TV.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Ridiculous partisan investigations" =
Visual reaction to said input is grins.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ridiculous partisan investigations =
So pardon guilt in Russian activities.

Brian Taylor with:
Ridiculous partisan investigations =
Sold it as initiating Russian coverup.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Unlimited presidential harassment" ~
said senile lad in his temper tantrum

Julian Lofts with:
Presidential harassment =
He's a damn persistent liar!

Julian Lofts with:
Prince divulges vice... gin! =
Gives up driving licence.

Brian Taylor with:
Save me from the deadly virus! =
Freedom survives the malady.

View with:
Lindsey Buckingham =
Kingly music band, eh?

Rosie Perera with:
Childish Gambino =
Oh, I'd climb, sing, "Ah!"

Adie Pena with:
Mueller's Russian probe is a witch-hunt! =
How insecure Trump is than us liberals.

Rosie Perera with:
El Chapo is found guilty =
Do put oafish guy in cell.

Rosie Perera with:
Fine lady lover was sent ~
Valentine's Day flowers.

Julian Lofts with:
Trump is obese ~
so BMI reputes.

Rosie Perera with:
Declaring a national emergency =
Ignorance; leader acting meanly.

Rosie Perera with:
Trump is to declare national emergency at the border =
US can impeach demented rotten bigot, really a terror.

Julian Lofts with:
Respected British actor Albert Finney has died =
He’s that incredibly deft, precise, debonair star.

Rosie Perera with:
National Emergency =
Namely, creating one.

Dharam Khalsa with:
So, dipsh*t added to his big National Emergency ~
"I didn't need to do this..." Possibly a game changer?

Dharam Khalsa with:
National Emergency =
Money act, in general.

John Ramos with:
A loony, maniacal cretin generated ~
a national emergency declaration.

Rosie Perera with:
Mueller's team interviews Sarah Huckabee Sanders =
Sure, be a sucker/whiner, lie, save the artless madman.

Julian Lofts with:
Manafort is corrupt, ~
Trump’s a fornicator.

Rosie Perera with:
White supremacy =
Trump's way: ICE, eh?

Adrian Hickford with:
Modern party politics ‡
A most principled Tory.

Rosie Perera with:
Ruth Bader Ginsburg returns to court =
Her rigor sure can burn DT's butt or gut.

Rosie Perera with:
An ISIS bride =
Insider bias.

David Bourke with:
The American actor Justin Smollett =
Just a common liar, since *that* letter.

Ellie with:
Musician Peter Tork has died =
Monkee had status... I cried. RIP.

Julian Lofts with:
Turpin parents =
Truant nippers.

FatPhil with:
"You will die, black fag" =
Awful lie by dick. Gaol?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Special Counsel Attorney Robert Swan Mueller III =
We really notice silent "prosecutorial submarine".

Dharam Khalsa with:
Singer and record producer Robert Sylvester Kelly =
Sick pervert surrendered, led to cell by sorry organ.

Rosie Perera with:
President Trump to attend summit with Kim Jong Un =
Unjust petit North Korean tempts gum-mind dimwit.

Rosie Perera with:
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is ~
to impeach our lousy noisy idiot. Oh, to success!

Julian Lofts with:
Cardinal George Pell hides =
Aged groper is held in a cell.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Trump: "Cohen 'lied a lot' during congressional hearing. ~
I shrugged, then agreed on criminal part: 'No collusion'."

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Valery Silivanov with:
Hitler, a German =
real nightmare

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Melania and Donald Trump =
Plain model and a man-turd.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The English actress Sarah Caroline Olivia Colman =
"Aha! I'll have this Oscar, not Glenn Close. I am scarier!"

turnip with:
General Ratko Mladic =
Kill, enrage, or act mad

View with:
The Los Angeles Lakers star LeBron James =
A relentless shooter jerks all NBA games

View with:
The actor Liam Neeson =
Hot, neat cinema roles

David Bourke with:
Dame Helen Lydia Mirren = "Elderly", am I? I harden men!

Josiah Winslow with:
Speaker Nancy Pelosi =
Clap in a key response.

Ellie Dent with:
The actress Olivia Colman =
So I can call the 'movie star'.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Senator Amy Klobuchar ~
has a merry blackout? No!

Brian Taylor with:
Lyndon LaRouche =
A horny old uncle.

Rosie Perera with:
Wilella Sibert Cather =
She'll write a clear bit.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Senator Lindsey Olin Graham =
No malign stray alien hordes!

Adie Pena with:
British novelist Eric Arthur Blair (George Orwell) =
I relish our logical writer's relevant 'Big Brother.'

Adie Pena with:
Simeon ~
i.e., noms!

Julian Lofts with:
The strategist Roger Stone =
Egotist regrets no threats.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Special Counsel Attorney Robert Swan Mueller III =
We really notice silent "prosecutorial submarine".

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Australian Cardinal Archbishop George Pell
=
Paedophile bugger in a charlatan sir's collar

Adie Pena with:
The American star Glenn Close =
Colman steals her recent gain!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
The President of America =
Imperfections are hated.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Houses of Parliament, Westminster =
MP louts swear manifestos in there.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Great Sphinx, Giza Plateau, Egypt =
Perplexity! Gaze at a huge past thing.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Dr. Fuhrman's "Eat To Live" Nutritarian Plant-Based Diet =
I understand primal dinner but, so far, leave it at that!

Rosie Perera with:
The Coalition to Abolish Slavery and Trafficking =
It can often halt a violation of girls by a sick herd.

Rosie Perera with:
The Seattle-Tacoma International Airport =
Irate, I note planes loiter on tarmac at that.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Washington Institute for Near East Policy =
We pontificate thoughts on Syria's real intent

David Bourke with:
The Houses of Parliament in Westminster, London =
Personnel summation: An entitled shower of shit.

Rosie Perera with:
The Health and Wellness Committee =
Memo: "We halt illness, then death, etc."

John Ramos with:
The Simeon Galavar Page =
Gee, VIP anagrams a lot, eh?

Micah with:
Computer Generated Imagery =
Rent me daguerreotype magic.

Adrian Hickford with:
The Oxford English Dictionary Online =
I enter for this cool, handy lingo-index.

Adie Pena with:
St Croix, the U.S. Virgin Islands, the Caribbean Sea =
Scuba divers insisting to relax near this beach.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Planters Honey Roasted Peanuts ~
prey on our (and elephants') tastes.

View with:
The American Academy of Sleep Medicine =
Chemical aid came: see fine remedy to nap

Ellie Dent with:
The American Academy of Sleep Medicine =
Can help me aim to ease dream deficiency.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh with:
Helps smite hope =
Mephistopheles.

George Missailidis with:
Jesus Christ is the Son of God =
I just do signs of the cross, eh?

Rosie Perera with:
Spotted Towhee =
Tweeted photos.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Opportunity, a Mars rover =
Or, support may not arrive.

Micah with:
National Bird-Feeding Society =
Inordinately big defecations!

Micah with:
Department of Homeland Security =
Comprehend tremendous fatality??

Rosie Perera with:
The Billion Oysters Project =
The job's topic: restore ill NY.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The Five Most Nasty, Awful Smells
1. Durian fruit
2. Rotten eggs
3. The Fish Market, Tokyo
4. Hakarl, Iceland
5. A Vieux Boulogne=
We often balk at
1. Ooky rotting flesh
2. Shitty sulfur
3. Ammonia, vulvitis
4. Fermented shark ragout
5. Dung cheese, axillae.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Donald J. Trump, President of the United States of America =
See this jaundiced old fart of a despot in temper tantrum!

Josiah Winslow with:
"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." - Aesop
=
Don't divert, to show simple tolerances of a man as weakness.

Josiah Winslow with:
Isn't it funny that the word "anagram" does not have an anagram itself that of which makes sense?=
Know stuff, eh? That's a myth! I have to show the odd sentence:

anagrams -> ars magna
("fine art" in Latin)

Josiah Winslow with:
It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. - Aristotle.=
Are sunsets torture to come out to? Use this WattSeer flashlight^TM.

(I'm kidding!)

Josiah Winslow with:
The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr=
Warriors can get jobs, prosper on work...
but on the majority of days, I don't bother.

Adie Pena with:
HITS A WALL | Reaches a point where one is physically or mentally unable to make progress or to continue doing something.
=
SHIT! A WALL? | Nincompoop Trump says, "Erect one on the US border!" How really sickening to see the loathsome liar lying again!

Ellie Dent with:
These two whales walked into a very busy, a popular city bar, and the first one said:
Weeeeoooouuhhhh!~
What a noise! After a beer, the second whale said politely: "Oh whoa, whoa, Stevie boy,
you're drunk. Shut up."

Tony Crafter with:
'Climacophilia' means: The practice of being sexually aroused by falling downstairs.
=
"Obtaining such a climax is simply one weird challenge! A step too far, basically." - Freud.

Ellie Dent with:
Policeman: "Very sorry, but it looks like your wife's gotten hit by a bus."
~

"Obviously. But you know, Kimberley... she's gotta terrific personality."

Rosie Perera with:
"The only national emergency is that our president is an idiot." (Ann Coulter) =
The nasty, mad, lone nutcase is right once; I'll not deny it. A rare true opinion.

Rosie Perera with:
For most of us, the Office of the Presidency is not a place for theatre =
Trump is not fit for office. He's the desperate tycoon fool. He's a farce.

Rosie Perera with:
"What is that which in the morning goeth upon four feet; upon two feet in the afternoon; and in the Evening upon three?"
=
Heh, heh! When I often outwit the fun opener, I often uncover it, then here tonight point to "Man, as infant, grown-up, aged."

Ellie with:
Husband: "It's actually too warm a day to waste. Care to leave the house, to go for a wee run ... even a race? May shift some weight, OK?"
~
Wife: "Oh darling, I love the way you say: How about we go out for some tea at that select restaurant and have some cream cakes!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Chicago Police provide an update on the case of "Empire" actor Jussie Smollett
=
A supposed hate crime secured attention. Give the poor fool accomplices jail!

Dharam Khalsa with:
This jumper cable walked into the bar. The bartender stated, "I think I can serve you something, as long as you don't ~
start anything!" He nods, but later he gets drunk. He becomes a total live wire, joins a nice dim battery, and hooks up!

2nd (eq) - Tony Crafter with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.

=

To abort poisonous aromas, the 3 astronauts lit their own farts.

One woebegone aviator (when 1-up in the popular 'Duellin' Colons' contest) acquired major burns.

The men came home.

2nd (eq) - David Bourke with:
Houston, we have a problem is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.=
Into space, to visit the Moon! - BANG! (Fuel cells 1 and 3 stop). "Oh no! Major power loss! Hence we now abort Aquarius capsule, and aim to return home to Earth. Thirteen - a notorious number!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
Houston, we have a problem is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center. =
Man on the phone: "There's conjecture on board that our parts requisition is missing two seals. However, upon a call to a procurement man, we hear some bull, 'No, 1 out of 3 ain't too bad!'"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
Anchorman on television: "See...ah...most men in Houston are...well...huge with super proportions. Trouble is, the boots are just a 13, narrow, too compact, uncomfortable, and inadequate!"

Christopher Davis with:
Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
April 13th CapCom goes into a panic.
The serious major fuel cell volt measurements question onboard sensors.
Air about run out! Three men now had no option to breathe!
Now what?!?

Rosie Perera with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
There was a rare bug in port 31 of the conscious on-board computer, HAL. En route home, a senior man -- one on top -- requests it to "Beam us up now, HAL." It answers, "No, I can't do that, Jim Lovell."

--

Rosie Perera with:
Houston, we have a problem is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center. =
Ground Control to Major Tom, has our pleasant transmission arrived? No response. He blew a circuit. Unique man, now he floats on past the blue Earth to the Moon. Peace out, Bowie.

George Missailidis with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
Joseph Cooper lands our spacecraft, Ranger 1, at the mountains on Miller's planet in outer orbit.
"Uh... those aren't mountains. Those're waves."
Quite bad, 3 now emotional.
Boom! Ow, ouch.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
Too much beans spiced with a jalapeno on our menu. Sore stomach horrors on loo. In our equipment we have but 1 more toilet roll between 3 astronauts, and Haise can't stop farting.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
The moon's unique monsters nabbed us and force us to participate in a popular horror game "31", (shown at main cinemas on Halloween) where an object's to outlive hot torture tools!

Ellie with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous
quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13
astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
Major questions hung over a starship Enterprise
crew; but left a notorious-eared Captain unemotional:
The numbers listed 1-3. No pool. No women. No chocolate...
Oh, what about Mars?

View with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center
=
Little green aliens watch over our ship! Situation just now? Queer, automatons out! 13 of them approach closer and bear some weapon in their hands...to more trouble! Cannons! (BOOM!!!)

Ellie Dent with:
["Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.]
=
The USA earthmen ponder a report: astronauts in some sorta bother. Unseen suborbital malfunction? Question how a cow once
jumped over the moon. Operation 13's illogical, what?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
Apr. 13: (to Control) USA crew witnesses a phenomenon, a momentous "BOOM", but both Haise and Lovell join to power up the module Aquarius as a "raft" in orchestrating the reconnoiter.

Christopher Sturdy with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
Not a lot more atmosphere or air, Carbon or Nitrogen.
Quite hot - a move so close to the sun it's just possible nuclear fusion happened!
What can we do now? Rot? Breathe Aluminum?! (AN 13)

David Bourke with:
Houston, we have a problem is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.=
Now to visit the Moon! - BANG! (Fuel cells 1 and 3 stop). "Oh no! Major power loss! Hence we abort Aquarius capsule into space, and aim to return home to Earth. Thirteen - a notorious number!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
1st woman astronaut in outer space: "Houston, I have a problem."
Question: "What?"
"Nothing serious."
Concerned repeat: "What??"
"No actual problem or reason."
3rd: "Just tell me!"
"I'm fine (boo hoo)."

Brian Taylor with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
When we hear 3 men flew to the Moon:
"Must be April 1st!"
Not rude paranoia, it's an honest question, a reasonable old objection:
"the vacuum is too poor to grip, can't hurl our men across!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Houston, we have a problem" is a popular but erroneous quote from the radio communications between the Apollo 13 astronaut John Swigert and the NASA Mission Control Center.
=
3 human arrows shot into space,
Now, on to the moon--a unique place;
1 novel neon radio, trouble to transmit,
A rechargeable phone, to resubmit,
"This module's waterproof, just in case?"

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS (From Exodus)

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

4. Remember the Sabbath Day, to keep it holy.

5. Honour thy father and thy mother.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

10. Thou shalt not covet.

=

CAT

1. I am the Lord of the house.

2. Thou shalt have no other cat or that, before me.

3. Thou shalt not ignore me.

4. But I shall ignore thee.

5. Thou shalt exult, thank God that I give you the time o' day at all.

6. Remember my food and drink.

7. Thou shalt spend thy money on me.

8. Thou shalt thank heavens for me.

9. Thou shalt grant me thy constant, bounteous love.

10. Thou shalt bestow on me nothing that's not the best ... frankly, that's mandatory.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The board of a City company, believing it was time for some streamlining, took on a new CEO.

The new senior boss was hell-bent on ridding the company of slackers.

On a tour round the building, he noticed a lone young man lounging idly against a wall. The room was full of employees and the CEO wanted them to see that he meant business.

"Hey, you!" he said to the man: “What is your salary?”

A little surprised, the man replied warily: “Four hundred pounds or so a week, I reckon. Why?”

The CEO said, “Just you stay right there!”

He strutted away to his office, came back five minutes later, gave the young man sixteen-hundred pounds in cash and then said: “Here's four weeks’ pay. Now get the hell out and never come back.”

Feeling very contented with himself, he looked round the room and said, “Would anyone care to tell me just what that idle layabout did here?”

From across the room, a voice replied, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

=

One by one, the managers of a company were called into the CEO’s office until only Geoff Drummond the newest, most junior manager was left sitting nervously outside.

Finally, a buzzer sounded to summon him inside. He walked into the office to find the CEO and the twelve senior managers seated solemnly around a polished oak table.

Addressing the junior manager, the CEO asked: "Right, young Drummond, have you at any time slept with Miss Whitlock, our company secretary?"

"What?" gasped the shocked young manager, "No, certainly not!"

"Think carefully, man - are you absolutely sure about that?" the CEO persisted.

"Yes," he replied, "I swear that I have never laid a finger on Miss Whitlock."

"And you would swear that on the Bible, would you?" demanded the CEO.

"Yes, I would swear on the Bible that I have never had any sort of sexual or improper relationship with Miss Whitlock."

"Good," nodded the CEO. "Then you can fire her."

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Ten Greatest War Films Ever Made, According To Critics And Audiences [from Newsweek]

10. Saving Private Ryan
9. Gone with the Wind
8. Apocalypse Now
7. The Battle of Algiers
6. Ran
5. Pan's Labyrinth
4. Army of Shadows (L'Armee des Ombres)
3. Schindler's List
2. Lawrence of Arabia
1. Casablanca=
10. Watch a fine Spielberg drama
9. Fleming's misery in Tara
8. Coppola directs Brando
7. Witness Pontecorvo in Africa
6. Lear's essence, Kurosawa's way
5. del Toro fantasy
4. Melville and the radical French
3. Why we're sweating (See No. Ten)
2. Watch David Lean at his best
1. Bogart charms Bergman

Dharam Khalsa with:

The seven faces of Donald Trump
(a psychologist’s view)
1. Alpha face
2. Angry face
3. Chin-jut
4. Big smile
5. Zipped smile
6. Puckered chin
7. Exaggerated mouth=
1. Macho ego
2. Vehement speech
3. Maximized judiciousness
4. For happy chat, backslap
5. Gravely taut, guarded
6. Wincing to deflect gaff
7. Prehensile lips

Dharam Khalsa with:
Three fellows from California go down to Tijuana, Mexico, and in one night, get drunk and wake up in a jail. They find out for some reason they are scheduled to be executed by the electric chair for crimes, but none of them can remember what they did wrong.

Soon, the first guy is strapped into the electric chair. He is asked if he has any last words, and responds, "Well, I've come from the San Diego School of Divinity and I believe in the power of the Almighty Lord to intervene on behalf of the innocent."

As the guards throw the switch, nothing happens. They figure the Lord will not allow this guy to die, and they release him to wait in the hall.~
The second guy is strapped to the chair. At length, after deliberation, he gathers his words, "I'm from the University of California School of Law. I believe in the power and extreme dedication of the Justice Dept. to intervene on behalf of the innocent."

The guards hit the switch, to affirm nothing has happened. They figure the Law is on his side. They let him go join his friend down the hall.

The third doomed lad is half-buckled in, and says, "I'm an Electrical Engineer from the Cal-Berkeley program. Let me show you what's wrong. Look, men, you'll never execute anybody if you don't connect those two wires!"

(Congratulations on the Darwin Award!)

Dharam Khalsa with:
Riddle:

A young boy and his father are on their way home from soccer practice when a distracted driver crosses the center line and hits them head-on.
The father dies at the scene of this horrible auto accident, but the boy is still alive when EMTs arrive. The injured boy is transported in an
ambulance to the closest hospital, where he's quickly taken to the operating room for lifesaving surgery.
~
However, the surgeon steps out of the OR in crisis, "Call Dr. Baker stat! I can't operate on this boy. Johnny is my son!"

The question: Who is the surgeon?

Fifth graders are asked in a lunchroom. Nearly invariably, they indicate the surgeon's the mother. Correct!

The teachers are interviewed. Practically all believe with confidence, deaf from bias, it must be a man, either the step-dad or the child's 'other dad'.

Dharam Khalsa with:
At the cookout, the billionaire, a worker, and an immigrant go closer to the large courtesy table with about eight kinds of cookies.
~
The billionaire grabs all but one of the cookies and declares to the worker, "Watch out, that immigrant is going to take your cookie!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
George Orwell said:
"A people that elect corrupt politicians, imposters, thieves and traitors are not victims... but accomplices."
=
Start with political perspective, less bologna or antics. The ideal:
* competent
* courteous
* impartial
* democratic
* progressive

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Adie=
Idea

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Three women die together in a bus crash and go to Heaven.

On their arrival, St. Peter says, 'We have just one rule in Heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter the Pearly Gates, and sure enough, there are millions of ducks everywhere. It's almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman mistakenly steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Sorry, but your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this horribly ugly man.'

The next day, the second woman also steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter again. With him is an ugly, dribbling brute of a man. He chains them together with the same admonition as for the first woman.

The third woman has seen all this. Not wishing to be chained for eternity to an ugly man, she is extra-careful where she steps and manages to go for months without stepping on a duck.

One day St. Peter comes along with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... tall, muscular, blue eyes, fair hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

'Wow!' giggles the joyful woman. 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.'

=

A Scottish hunter named Timothy McPherson was enjoying an interesting Thursday morning on the marshes, hunting ducks, when he felt an urgent need to take a pee.

He went over to a nearby tree, propped up his gun and started to piddle. Just at that moment, a sudden gust of wind blew up, knocked the gun over, and it went off... shooting him in the vitals.

Some hours later, whilst lying flat on his back in a hard hospital bed, the hunter was approached by a consultant diagnostic surgeon.

'Well Mr McPherson,' said the physician, 'I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that, thankfully, you are going to be OK. The damage was confined to the groin area and there seems to have been very minimal internal damage. Furthermore, we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'

'That's great news! replied Timothy. 'So, what's the bad news then?'

'The bad news, I'm sorry to say, is that there was some rather extensive buckshot damage to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Hettie.'

'Oh well, I guess that isn't so pessimistic is it?' said Timothy. 'Is your sister Hettie a plastic surgeon then?'

'Hmm... not exactly,' answered the consultant. 'She's a flute player in the local symphony orchestra and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pee in your eye.'

Ellie Dent with:
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CAT

0.25

My human appears to be sleeping quite peacefully. After all, it IS only dawn and she did go to sleep like say, a couple of hours ago. She has a really bad habit of staying up all night making these funny sort of clicking noises on a device, or scratching with ink on a piece of paper. But, wait a doggone minute... her hand is hanging down from the edge of her bed. Perhaps she is trying to play with me, even in her sleep? She is soo thoughtful. I'll just bite her hand to show her quite how much I do love her.

0.375

I am honestly done with humans. Their tiny pea-sized brain can't even understand love. A few hours ago I tried giving my human some feline love with an affectionate bite on her finger, and she screamed at me. I wish she had at least used some mouth-wash before shouting at me. To top it all off, it is at least four or five minutes past my feeding time and yet she still seems to be sleeping. I think she wants to starve me to death. But I am one step ahead of her. I am going to kill her first. If I put my paw firmly over her nose then she won't be able to breathe anymore. Finis. Right. Perfect. Okay, NO. She woke up. Well, she might have won this round but I am forever vigilant and at least I will get my food, for now. So, who is actually the real winner here?

0.583333333333333

My human is one lazy kinda being. She spends her whole day riding around in cars and then comes back home and promptly goes off to sleep. ~
MY days are quite busy. My first task after she leaves is to go hunt through the trash for better food. I know it contains good, appealing food because I have often seen her keep some of her nonperishable food there after dinner. I remember one time I had to be taken to hospital after eating trash food, because too much of a good thing is always bad news, I find.
After trash-hunting, I have a fighting session with my opponent, arch-nemesis, the red yarn ball. So far, I've won every single fight. When I am tired, I take a good long hour to clean my phenomenal, shiny fur.

0.791666666666667

By the time she, my human gets home I am quite tired from a long hard day. But face it, what, gentle people, does she, a lightweight, know about plain hard work? After riding in cars all day she'll often come in and inconvenience me, while sleeping. When I was younger and impulsive, I made the mistake of mischievously scratching her to show my disapproval. Whoops. But then she offhandedly cut my beautiful long nails. Jeez! Appalling. Inappropriate. So now I silently endure this devilishness without a peep, and I have to be sure that my face emphasizes how angry I am. Sometimes I even let out a few hisses, too.

0

After a lightish dinner of canned tuna and a small, vital sleep, I'm awake now, ready for playtime round 2. But this usually ends with me being locked, sleepless, in the guest room for what is left of the night. Oh, hell. Heigh ho...

Dharam Khalsa with:
"I Worried"
by (the late) Mary Oliver, from "Swan: Poems and Prose Poems"

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.
=
I Imagined the Worst
(rhyme)

I imagined the worst,
and withdrew to vegetate.

I was a killjoy,
just wished to hibernate,

To loll and procrastinate.

I imagined my plump babies will fall or suffocate.

I imagined damage when I vaccinate.

I imagined my vigor will deteriorate.

I imagined night terrors, new horrors, harsh fate.

I imagined my giggling sons won't graduate.

But, wait...

Known philosophy: "Worry opens cans of worms,
things you don't want to activate."

I'll vow not to withdraw;
The more love I'll sow, the stronger I'll grow;
I'll stand, banner high in front, and celebrate!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Soneto LXXXI"
(With the original words by Pablo Neruda)

Ya eres mía. Reposa con tu sueño en mi sueño.
Amor, dolor, trabajos, deben dormir ahora.
Gira la noche sobre sus invisibles ruedas
y junto a mí eres pura como el ámbar dormido.

Ninguna más, amor, dormirá con mis sueños.
Irás, iremos juntos por las aguas del tiempo.
Ninguna viajará por la sombra conmigo,
sólo tú, siempreviva, siempre sol, siempre luna.

Ya tus manos abrieron los puños delicados
y dejaron caer suaves signos sin rumbo,
tus ojos se cerraron como dos alas grises,

mientras yo sigo el agua que llevas y me lleva:
la noche, el mundo, el viento devanan su destino,
y ya no soy sin ti sino sólo tu sueño.
=
A song based on Pablo Neruda's "Sonnet LXXXI"

And so you are mine. Slumber in your dream, inside my dream,
As love, pain, and labor also slumber.
Night turns on invisible circular gears,
and you are as pure as a slumbering amber.

No one else, Love, visits our dreams. You jump, so I
jump, and we jump as one, across cool aqua pools in time.
No one else soars over this gloom beside me--
just you, evergreen or sun or moon.

Arms are open, you drop various signs;
eyes close, sure as a bird's wings,
so I choose a goal:

as I sail over to your lagoon, it carries me across.
A moonlit panorama and cool air join common destinies.
Minus you, I am a solo dream or vision, just that, and that is all.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Forum’s RUDE section =
Centre for hideous smut.

2nd - Valery Silivanov with:
Your tits are small =
You are still smart

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Bastard does whore! =
Those are bad words.

Micah with:
Sexually Transmitted Infections =
Lady slit transfusion excitement.

View with:
We are meant to be together, darling=
Get THERE great boner. Deal it, woman!

Julian Lofts with:
Then James Safechuck said “OK, ~
Jacko has fucked me in the ass.”

Micah with:
Genital =
Elating

Rosie Perera with:
It was seriously not your fault ~
you saw tits; not really furious.

Julian Lofts with:
The piercing of an adult woman’s clitoris =
Ow! Slit painful then erotic and orgasmic.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A lad getting laid for the first time =
It felt hard... it felt giant... I orgasmed :-)

George Missailidis with:
They hang low =
Whoa, lengthy!

Brian Taylor with:
Giant load of horseshit =
That falsehood's origin.

Adie Pena with:
Do hug each ~
huge choad.

Micah with:
Erections =
Secretion

The Anagrammy Awards