1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Saving the planet =
It's the vegan plan!
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
End of the world is nigh =
How's the fiddling, Nero?
3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
Learn from your mistakes. =
*My* faults? I make NO errors!
View with:
Great actors ~
target Oscar.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof =
One lets the Divinity see off a future hitch
George Missailidis with:
Deodorant on ~
to end an odor!
Tyler Severance with:
Misuse of grammar and ~
anagrams for dummies.
George Missailidis with:
To live on mars ~
violates norm.
Ellie Dent with:
"The dusk is close" ~
clouds the skies.
Rosie Perera with:
Planned obsolescence =
Old peccable nonsense!
George Missailidis with:
I may be in prison for decades ~
for my pea-brained decisions.
David Bourke with:
The hairdresser to President Donald Trump ~
renders that prime rodent as polished turd!
Ellie Dent with:
A clumsy piano player =
Play music alone, pray!
George Missailidis with:
A chess grandmaster =
Smartness had grace.
George Missailidis with:
Reign of chaos =
Choosing fear.
Adie Pena with:
The Holocaust deniers ~
shouted: "Hitler? No case!"
George Missailidis with:
The power of true love =
Our two ever felt hope.
David Bourke with:
During the hunting season =
Guns then...so nature hiding!
Jesse Frankovich with:
A supremacist =
Eats up racism.
Ellie Dent with:
Virtual reality access ~
creates visual clarity.
Valery Silivanov with:
In our night dreams ~
rude thing is a norm.
Christopher Sturdy with:
To take drastic action =
I don't care, so attack it!
David Bourke with:
Pointless existences =
Penis, testicles, no sex.
George Sicherman with:
There's antagonism =
Haters gonna smite
FatPhil with:
Unsafely took flight =
falling out of the sky
George Missailidis with:
Dog helps out with laundry =
A proud hound slightly wet.
Rosie Perera with:
The digital audio workstation =
I go edit a talk or a sound with it.
Adrian Hickford with:
In the trees =
I nest there.
George Missailidis with:
I was eating too much food =
Ooh, doc! I am unwise, got fat.
Josiah Winslow with:
Mainly desperate queries?~
Praise
Request
Amen
Yield
Dharam Khalsa with:
White supremacists ~
use the racist wimps.
Micah Newman with:
Genetically modified organisms =
Silly me, digesting American food!
Brian Taylor with:
Today is the Vernal Equinox! =
Rode on thy equivalent axis.
George Missailidis with:
Low response,
with heavy eyes.
~
One has to sleep.
Why, very wise.
Tony Crafter with:
The lunatics have taken over the asylum =
Inmate: "Usually the cranks have the vote!"
Valery Silivanov with:
No trust in me? ~
It turns me on.
George Missailidis with:
Lonely old man =
Namely, no doll.
Meyran Kraus with:
He says, "A normal bottle in front of me ~
seems finer than a frontal lobotomy!"
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
What's Garfield's main life goal? =
Fill a fridge with some lasagna!
2nd - Josiah Winslow with:
The Michael Jackson documentary "Leaving Neverland" =
Many have checked: call it "revenge", and not "journalism".
3rd - Adie Pena with:
'Antony and Cleopatra' by William Shakespeare =
It's happened, a snake clearly bit a royal woman!
Ellie Dent with:
Edouard Manet's: A Self Portrait with Palette =
I see that famed painter upset art world ... a lot.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Leonardo da Vinci’s Christ painting "Salvator Mundi" =
A lost lavish and admired portrait is unconvincing.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare =
High comedy up sooner with beau in mask at a ball
Tony Crafter with:
Keala Settle's 'This Is Me' from The Greatest Showman =
A statement: 'I'm the gross freak who still has esteem.'
Adrian Hickford with:
The Beatles' 'Eleanor Rigby' =
Only their agreeable best.
Josiah Winslow with:
The Michael Jackson documentary "Leaving Neverland" =
Such menacing, major, very lethal talk...and no evidence!
Jesse Frankovich with:
The New England Patriots =
The greats planned to win.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Sci-Fi thriller 'Captive State' =
Evil fatalistic script there.
George Missailidis with:
I found art forms ~
of random fruits.
Ellie Dent with:
The name is Bond, James Bond =
Job demands Sean ... bet on him.
David Bourke with:
The Spice Girls vocalist Melanie Brown =
"Closet lesbian" claims with Geri proven!
David Bourke with:
The autobiography Brutally Honest by Melanie Brown =
"I pull men a lot, but try both ways. Ah, Geri...one horny babe!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
Jordan Peele's film "Us" ~
sells on fear; I jumped!
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Undocumented persons =
Ones Trump's denounced.
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Great Britain and the European Union =
Pending area, but either an in or an out
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
They say that Mick Jagger has slept with over 4000 women =
4000? Some chap! I vow that wealthy jerk's getting my share!
View with:
The American ISIS bride =
This is crime, dear; i.e., ban!
View with:
Tim Donaghy, NBA referee =
Fine, grab the money, dear!
Rosie Perera with:
Transgender ban in the military =
Hinted at binary: girls aren't men!
Adie Pena with:
Trump junks image in media, has nothing to show in ~
the Singapore and Hanoi summits with Kim Jong Un.
Ellie Dent with:
The moral crisis of America =
It has more of racial crimes.
Julian Lofts with:
The actor Luke Perry has died in USA =
Pure incredulity as he had a stroke.
Adie Pena with:
The U.S. military troops =
Trump hostile to Syria?
Adie Pena with:
Pope arrests dirty ~
predatory priests! ;-)
View with:
Jean-Michel Clain killed in Syria =
Likely see criminal in jihad-clan.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Michael Jackson - persona non grata for child-abusing =
Punish arch-fiend - major earning loss on back catalog.
FatPhil with:
International Women's Day =
Man's new orientation: lady
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The SpaceX Dragon capsule =
Guard ocean. Expect splash
George Missailidis with:
Pope Francis: "So I deal with ~
worst paedophiles if I can."
Julian Lofts with:
Australian shooter Brenton Tarrant is ~
Satan. Abhorrent irrational nutter. SOS.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Saint Patrick's Day celebration =
Drink bar ale steins to capacity.
Tony Crafter with:
The Islamic State exodus =
Cities almost exhausted.
David Bourke with:
The riots in France are ~
rather fine reactions!
Josiah Winslow with:
The "Gilets jaunes" riots in France =
The anger's for a silent injustice.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The death of country singer Justin Carter =
Gets hurt, shot in fact - injury to end career.
Julian Lofts with:
Rebellious Trump has sneered =
Mueller ends the Russia probe.
Ellie Dent with:
Outrage in the mosque =
So quiet... then, a morgue.
Valery Silivanov with:
The creation of single European currency =
Neither failure nor curse yet. Open cognac.
Valery Silivanov with:
Euro came into life =
I feel more caution.
Valery Silivanov with:
Eris, a planet, was discovered. =
It deserves no special award?
View with:
Trump Did Not Conspire with Russians in Election =
Liar! Putin (Moscow) is his independent instructor.
Dharam Khalsa with:
No collusion =
Nil? So uncool!
FatPhil with:
Jussie Smollett cleared =
See dollars melt justice
Dharam Khalsa with:
Theresa May’s Brexit deal is rejected by Parliament =
American experts may jeer at the debates: "Silly bird!"
View with:
The indie duo band Her’s =
Hear both died in US end.
1st - David Bourke with:
Linda Louise Eastman McCartney =
Stance is made on animal cruelty.
2nd - View with:
Korean Kim Jong Un =
Joke running amok.
3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Theresa May ‡
"Hear me, stay!"
Micah Newman with:
Laura Ingalls Wilder =
Rural dwelling alias.
Rosie Perera with:
The Christian author Clive Staples Lewis =
Aslan routs the evil witch. A priceless hit!
David Bourke with:
Gordon James Ramsay =
So many major grades!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Gabriel Charles Dante Rossetti ~
led great art scene (also British).
David Bourke with:
The South African supermodel Candice Swanepoel =
I could pleasure her, if she wants me to and can cope!
David Bourke with:
The Prodigy singer Keith Charles Flint =
Highlights? Only need pick "Firestarter".
Julian Lofts with:
Keith Flint ~
left, I think.
Julian Lofts with:
This South African supermodel Candice Swanepoel =
Snide people hiss, damn her awful atrocious accent.
Adrian Hickford with:
Paul Manafort's ~
also a Trump fan.
View with:
Noel Young Anderson =
No soul and no energy
Adie Pena with:
Caryn Elaine Johnson (Whoopi Goldberg) =
Enjoying her cool persona. And how glib!
Julian Lofts with:
Linda Louise Eastman McCartney =
Any musical talent? I screamed "NO!"
Ellie Dent with:
The late Wilfred Owen =
To define the war well.
Ellie Dent with:
Monsieur Edouard Manet =
One adored art in museum.
Jesse Frankovich with:
President Donald Trump =
Lord, darn impudent pest!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Top Four Men:
Jesus Christ
Muhammad
Buddha
Gandhi
=
Death punch:
Judas
Bad farm item
Mushroom dish
Gun
David Bourke with:
Ginger and Scary Spice =
Discerning gay capers!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Michael John Avenatti =
Have no jail time, natch!
Tony Crafter with:
Yvette Cooper MP =
My vote? Top creep!
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Congestion charge =
Going here can cost!
2nd (eq) - Rosie Perera with:
Wildlife Rehabilitation Center =
Nice, for we heal a little bird in it.
2nd (eq) - Tony Crafter with:
Britain's Westminster Parliament - 'The house of fools' =
The MPs in there are witless buffoons. Amoral, is it not?
Dharam Khalsa with:
To Infinity and Beyond! =
Not Andy, by definition.
Micah Newman with:
Nuclear Regulatory Commission =
Gloomy atomic insurance rulers
View with:
Mercedes-AMG =
Car deems gem.
Micah Newman with:
National Health Service =
Have intestinal cholera?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Tin Can Tourists of the World ~
stretch out in Florida towns
Ellie Dent with:
International Women's Day =
A solidarity... none want men??
Brian Taylor with:
Jet Propulsion Laboratory ~
plots a polar-orbit journey.
David Bourke with:
Today (eighth of March) is International Women's Day =
Any man: "Hey, do me a sandwich first!". (I ignore that tool!)
Jesse Frankovich with:
President of the United States =
That nut personifies detested!
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Trump Administration =
I hid (un)important matters.
Adie Pena with:
Britain-less European Union =
In or out...insuperable, insane.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert =
Oh, we'll watch the best points there!
Josiah Winslow with:
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert =
Still watch the news? Oh, better hope!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Principality of Monaco =
A Francophile city, I'm on top!
Micah Newman with:
Genetically Modified Organisms ~
seem gastronomically dignified?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The American Kennel Club Museum of the Dog =
Humble folk to see nude gem: much canine art!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Electrolux Trilobite Vacuum Cleaner =
Excellent room circuit, but real value?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
International Day of Happiness =
I fail on a phony anti-depressant!
View with:
Hong Kong Disneyland Resort =
"Only kind grandsons go there!"
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland =
I find broken nation trading under grim no-deal threat
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
"I, Donald John Trump, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States." =
"I, Donald J. Trump, attest that I will offend you, expel the White House staff, and fleece the country for side millions."
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The March wind roars in
like a wild beast, the lion,
And it make us shiver
as it's passing by.
=
But when a wind isn't icy,
is mild as a dove,
like a kiss o' the lamb,
Ah, spring rain starts here!
Julian Lofts with:
This dead whale is discovered in the Amazon jungle. Is it termed a lie? =
The headline’s clever! Just amazing! So how indeed did it materialise?
Adie Pena with:
All of these three world leaders are U.S. President Trump's best friends:
1. Mohammad bin Salman
2. Vladimir Putin
3. Kim Jong Un=
This dumb drama of powerful men:
1. Dismember then dump a journalist
2. Smother spies in England
3. Arrest and kill relatives.
George Missailidis with:
These are the four best-known physicists:
1. Albert Einstein
2. Stephen Hawking
3. Isaac Newton
4. Galileo Galilei
=
They saw beauties
1. In light (we think)
2. In gaining near black holes
3. In three laws
4. In parts of telescopes to see
David Bourke with:
The Michael Jackson abuse documentary Leaving Neverland =
Many a juvenile chasm relieved that Dangerous black nonce.
Ellie Dent with:
Walking around a quaint pet store, I paused in front of this birdcage to admire this very colourful parakeet.
~
After staring at each other for a long, leisured time, our bird friend, a vision, piped up to squawk: "Can't you talk?"
David Bourke with:
The actress Caryn Elaine Johnson, known professionally as Whoopi Goldberg =
Oh! One person who's ostensibly known for sporadically ejecting her anal gas!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it's in hot water." - Eleanor Roosevelt
=
Yes, a heroine will multitask - go to work, brew hot tea, sew, volunteer as negotiator in an invasion.
David Bourke with:
The Boeing Maneuvering Characteristics Augmentation System =
Can bug in it not sometimes intervene, cause a mighty great crash?
David Bourke with:
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland =
Remaining in the EU, or not? And drafting bold trade rethink?
Christopher Sturdy with:
I see there are wild celebrations for another Grand Slam win.
=
Three times for Warren Gatland! So incredible. A hero in Wales!
David Bourke with:
The Tom Robinson Band's guitarist, the late Alexander Daniel Kustow =
A killer lead axeman, on a sunburst Gibson with the tone at distorted.
Christopher Sturdy with:
One untidy electrician, Stephen McKears from Severn Beach in South Gloucestershire =
Shed user is in for rather nice shock; there on CCTV, mouse may be seen cleaning up litter!
George Missailidis with:
Islamophobic terrorist targets a group in Christchurch =
Racist imposes chaotic threat, big horror. Christ! *Gulp* run!
Tony Crafter with:
'Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.' – Aristotle quote. =
'Love is a composite of two bodies lusting in a single bed.' - Lothario's quote.
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively. - Douglas Rushkoff =
And as technology's finding the scene,
We get geeked, aim to buy a machine.
Forking up any price
For some lovely device,
Folks unfailingly stare at a screen.
2nd - David Bourke with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Wake up! Turn off and cancel every unnecessary spy gadget in any all-seeing voice gimmick, banal needless doohickey, e-This or i-That. Forget 'em...go offline.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively. - Douglas Rushkoff =
Anagram - A Baffling PC
Every f***ing day, every f***ing week, my desk PC launches into that song 'Someone Like You'!
Technical Engineer: "Of course it does. It's a Dell."
Josiah Winslow with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Programming is like selling a huge fancy ice bucket once a year to a gang of Eskimo.
The effectiveness can fully vary, and entirely depends on who does it.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Apologies for my offense, but I can have my golden locks dyed gray, thus receiving a type of assured geek enhancement, known as Artificial Intelligence.
Dharam Khalsa with:
We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively. - Douglas Rushkoff=
I feel skeptical of newfangled gadgetry and oven technology; I even had some engineer install airbags on my office computer in case it crashes! (yuk, yuk)
Dharam Khalsa with:
We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively. - Douglas Rushkoff=
Nikola Tesla gave:
* Alternating current (On-off? Decide!)
* Neon sign (Cheesy sky edging)
* Robotics (Geeky pal)
* Wireless communication (Muffled? Ha, pay heavy fee!)
Adie Pena with:
We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively. - Douglas Rushkoff=
NO REFUGE
Compulsive demeanors may
Effect a
Lonely
Life. Every
Psychological
Habit
Of this gargantuan
New age addiction
Engenders
Sick, kinky teens!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
"It seems the United Kingdom sees Theresa May's robotic folly, defying given policy change, can generate one insanely awful effing cock-up!" - Leo Varadkar
View with:
We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively. - Douglas Rushkoff=
Gee, cocky guys! TV's, guns, nice iPhones, recent iPads, any microwave, i.e., all funny, eerie kind of gadgets mere fake technology! I feel ALL THAT is bad for man, no?
Christopher Sturdy with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Every day I meet young people, boys and girls alike, who have a lack of science or engineering understanding.
Fact is, offset fuck all money teaching STEM.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Fine logic, but efficient technology cannot freely replace humans, since we already depend on engaging everyday folks to make various mistakes (sigh).
Ellie Dent with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Boffins can envisage monkeys actually typing Shakespeare; I see changes, modern, to date unimagined technology could yet fail, wrecking life forever.
George Missailidis with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Anyone creating fresh,
New technology
And updating my
Gadget lives to sickly
Ruin - loads of
Areas feel safe if
Mine can be
More cognitive.
Yuck! Seek help!
Josiah Winslow with:
We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively. - Douglas Rushkoff=
Luckily, I conceive my ideas of anagrams with Anagram Artist, offering everybody else enough guidance to seek, pick off, and spell one lengthy sentence.
Ellie Dent with:
We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively. - Douglas Rushkoff=
Hey nosey u kiddin?? It aint fair!! Skoolkids?? Green?? NO. Lemme eggsplane. See U-tube Snapchat. We log on connect every day tryna chill #magic #fierce #savage. F*** OFF!!!
Adrian Hickford with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff.
=
Douglas Adams's "Hitchhikers" outcome is baffling: "Destroy any computer-engineering in fake packaging. Effectively, everyone only needs a clean towel!"
Brian Taylor with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
To McLuhan, every 'media warning' book is merely vague forecasting of yesterday's hell; the skeptic panicked at inane influence of Google's fancy design.
Dharam Khalsa with:
We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively. - Douglas Rushkoff=
Luckily, he offers books and key podcasts conveying goal reinforcement: what it means to persevere as a genuine feeling human, defying a digital cycle.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Beginning to launder a fleece shirt, a geek engages a savvy, if meek, companion: "Do I select 'Gentle Fluff Dry' cycle?"
Companion: "What does your shirt say?"
"Nike."
George Missailidis with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Machine of Fake Men
Finally we got august machines
Ready if to be fragile slaves -
Electricity and up-to-no-good screens
Enkindling geeky, phoney craves.
1st - Ellie Dent with:
A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said: "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."
"That is fine," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered the desert for forty years, so of course I am humble enough to sleep out there in the barn.
With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn.
"What is wrong?" asked the farmer.
He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in that barn. There is a PIG in the barn and my faith believes that animal is unclean."
~
His Hindu friend agreed to swap with him. But then a few minutes later, there was another knock on the door.
"Bah! Botheration!" cried the farmer, "What is it?"
The Hindu man replied, "I am grateful to your good self for your indispensable help. However, I am disappointed there's a COW in the barn. Remember that many share my belief that they are sacred. Afraid I am unable to sleep on holy ground."
That left only the lawyer himself he had to appease. "No, not out... oh, if I have to!" he grumbled bitterly, but then retired to the despised, shabby barn.
But then soon, moments later there was to be yet another knock on the farmer's door.
The farmer, a frustrated and tired man, opened the door - ABRACADABRA! - and sees standing before him ... the pig and the cow.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Labourite teacher asked her class how many of them were big Jeremy Corbyn fans.
Not knowing what a Jeremy Corbyn fan was, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids put their hands up... except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he had decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not a big Jeremy Corbyn fan, Miss.'
The teacher said, 'But why aren't you a fan?'
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Conservative supporter.'
The teacher asked him why he was a Conservative supporter.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well Miss, my Mum is a Conservative and my Dad is still a Conservative as well, so I suppose that's the reason.'
Annoyed at this glib answer, the teacher asked, 'If your Mother was an idiot and your Father was an idiot, what would that make you?'
Little Johnny replied, 'A big Jeremy Corbyn fan?'
=
Miss Jeffery, a young female teacher, asked her class of kids what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Little Johnny was the first to reply: "Hey, Miss Jeffery, I wanna be a billionaire and join the top, most expensive clubs. I wanna take my bitch out and buy her a shiny new red Ferrari worth a half a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, the most massive mansion in Malibu, her own private jet to travel the world, give her a Platinum Mastercard, and make love to her three times every day on my yacht."
The teacher was shocked, by Little Johnny's decidedly juicy imagery but was unsure what to do about it, so she decided to disregard his reply and continue her narrative with the rest of the class.
"So, what do you want to be Jenny?" she asked a young girl seated at the back of the class.
Jenny replied: “I wanna be Little Johnny’s bitch!”
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Ten Greatest Sci-Fi Films of All Time
10. Solaris
9. Children of Men
8. Star Wars
7. Alien
6. Frankenstein
5. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
4. Brazil
3. The Fly
2. Planet of the Apes
1. 2001: A Space Odyssey=
10. Zany water planet
9. Dystopian hell
8. Franchise starter 1.0
7. Fear Ridley Scott!
6. Karloff's fame: 2.0 stars
5. Set Elliot's pal free
4. Rebel imagines
3. Seth is reticent
2. Heston in a fix
1. Meet HAL.
George Missailidis with:
Announcements
NOMINEES, PLEASE MAKE
YOUR SELECTIONS AND
EMAIL THEM TO CHRIS
View nominations: By category | By author
Email Chris directly.
=
Anagrammer: "Nice, but... I like them all! To me, they seem ironic. Can I maybe consciously choose every one on the list?"
Awardsmaster: "No, stupid ninny!"
Ellie Dent with:
The following is from the original work of the Chilean poet Pablo Neruda, entitled: IF YOU FORGET ME.
Quiero que sepas
una cosa.
Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe:
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.
=
I need you love, to know
one thing.
To see how it appears:
if I gaze amazed,
on a pale opaque moon face,
Juno, a volcano, a late rose,
red leaves of autumn or a glass,
if I once clasp to me a flame,
an impalpable ember or
a creased old log,
I find all carries me to you;
as if all that exists:
aromas, colours, aqua, light,
cool jade ... more too,
must be little boats that
are sailing out to conquer
a unique unconquered isle,
an unequalled soul
reassuring me.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Top Ten Reasons Why It Costs More To Get Your Pet Groomed Than Your Own Hair Cut
(from the poster in the dog groomer's front room)
10. Your hairdresser doesn't wash and clean your rear end.
9. You don't go eight weeks without washing or brushing your hair.
8. Your hairdresser doesn't give you a sanitary trim.
7. Your hairdresser doesn't clean your ears.
6. Your hairdresser doesn't remove the boogies from your eyes.
5. You sit still for your hairdresser.
4. Your haircut doesn't include a manicure or pedicure.
3. Your hairdresser only washes and cuts the hair on your head.
2. You don't bite or scratch your hairdresser.
1. The likelihood of you pooping on the hairdresser is pretty slim.=
10. Your groomer cleans the odiferous anal glands as a courtesy. Whew!
9. Your groomer sorts out the sheepdog's thorny matted fur.
8. Your hairdresser doesn't disinfect your pubes with the sterile air dryer.
7. Your groomer is trained to check for ear irritations.
6. Your groomer wipes away your coonhound's putrid eye gunk.
5. Your groomer has the authority to harness and immobilise your hyper yowling cat.
4. You'd need to have your own nails done in a rigid salon chair.
3. Your hairdresser doesn't shampoo your hairy pits.
2. Your groomer touches fierce or distressed terriers, even in thunder, barehanded.
1. Your hairdresser trusts you not to sh*t on his/her or others' clothes.
George Missailidis with:
THE FAMILY RULES ARE AS FOLLOWS:
- Say please and thank you
- Be happy
- Pay with hugs and kisses
- Laugh out loud
- Think of others before yourself
- Do your best
- Respect one another
- Hug often
- Listen to your parents
- Say "I love you" :)
- Laugh at yourself
=
OR:
- Always use your manners
- Stay positive, purposeful
- Be kind, gentle
- Do not keep secrets, you!
- Do not be selfish fools, but selfless
- Keep trying proud or you'll truly fail!
- Stay thoughtful of another
- Stay generous
- "Yeah?"
- Aw, you :)
- Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dharam Khalsa with:
During my tour of the mental asylum, I asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a person needs to be institutionalized?"
"Well," the director said, "we usually fill up a bathtub, then we offer the person a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to empty the bathtub."
~
"Oh, I understand - you mean it's the size," I articulated. "A normal person would take the bucket to use, because it holds more water than the itty-bitty cup or the itty-bitty teaspoon."
"No," he rebuffed, "a normal person would pull at the plug."
He offered me a bed near the window.
Josiah Winslow with:
"We are looking at a society increasingly dependent on machines, yet decreasingly capable of making or even using them effectively." - Douglas Rushkoff
=
Programming is like selling a huge fancy ice bucket once a year to a gang of Eskimo.
The effectiveness can vary, and fully entirely depends on who does it.
Dharam Khalsa with:
A man went to the movies one day and was surprised to find a woman with a big collie dog sitting in front of him in the darkened theater.
Even more amazing was the fact that the happy dog laughed in the right places throughout the comedy.
~
"Pardon me, sorry," the man caught the woman after the picture show end, noting, "I find it astonishing that your wagging, yet attentive,
dog had appeared to love the film so much. What training!"
"I'm amazed, as well," she confided. "He hated the book!"
George Missailidis with:
Meyran Kraus
Tony Crafter
Ellie Dent
Adie Pena
David Bourke
Jesse Frankovich
Dharam Khalsa
Rosie Perera
Julian Lofts
Christopher Sturdy
=
Undefeated inspirer!
Heavy skill
Nice
Like acronyms?
Solid
Short
Have a "bartender" joke?
Support tech failure
Just sorry drama
Rank far ahead.
David Bourke with:
Mick Jagger:
"I'm so sorry to all our fans in America and Canada
with tickets. I really hate letting you down like this.
I'm devastated for having to postpone the tour but I
will be working very hard to be back on stage as soon
as I can. Once again, huge apologies everyone."
=
Keith Richards:
Oh wow! Now I don't listen to our Brenda, aka Her Majesty".
I believe all the cat has got is "Lead Vocalist Syndrome"...and
a very tiny package too, I see! Even more so than Trump.
Our group will be back out gigging again real soon, OK... if I can get any satisfaction!"
1st - Adie Pena with:
IT IS MARCH
by William Stanley Merwin
It is March and black dust falls out of the books
Soon I will be gone
The tall spirit who lodged here has
Left already
On the avenues the colorless thread lies under
Old prices
When you look back there is always the past
Even when it has vanished
But when you look forward
With your dirty knuckles and the wingless
Bird on your shoulder
What can you write
The bitterness is still rising in the old mines
The fist is coming out of the egg
The thermometers out of the mouths of the corpses
At a certain height
The tails of the kites for a moment are
Covered with footsteps
Whatever I have to do has not yet begun =
CENTRE OF ATTENTION
President Macron, he, likewise skillful, writes a poem of thoughtful memories to
A little girl named Sophie who was
Reflecting on the emotions she vividly got. But
Infatuated with the "lacy skirt" the maiden had, she shares her withheld thoughts,
She is second to none. Somehow
Filled with wonder, she looks at the symbol's shadow as it touches the sky.
Returning to the books of Cocteau, Cendrars,
Apolinaire, Aragon, and like a
New song of sublime virtuosity by Charles Trenet, he
Cherishes every word that the little visitor wrote down; but
Europe and the mistrustful BBC have a busy day foolishly asking, "He really wrote that?"
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
AMERICAN TUNE
By
Simon and Garfunkel
Many's the time I've been mistaken, and many times confused
Yes and I've often felt forsaken, and certainly misused
Ah but I'm alright, I'm alright, I'm just weary through my bones
Still you don't expect to be bright and bon-vivant
So far away from home, so far away from home
And I don't know a soul who's not been battered
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream that's not been shattered or driven to its knees
But it's alright, it's alright, for we live so well, so long
Still, when I think of the road we're travelling on
I wonder what's gone wrong, I can't help it I wonder what's gone wrong
And I dreamed I was dying, I dreamed that my soul rose unexpectedly
And looking back down at me, smiled reassuringly
And I dreamed I was flying, and high up above my eyes could clearly see
The Statue of Liberty, sailing away to sea, and I dreamed I was flying
But we come on a ship they called Mayflower
We come on a ship that sailed the moon
We come in the age's most uncertain hours and sing an American tune
And it's alright, oh it's alright, it's alright, you can be forever blessed
Still tomorrow's gonna be another working day and I'm trying to get some rest
That's all I'm trying, to get some rest=
BRITISH LAMENT
By
An Old Man (Anon)
Many's the time I've been heartbroken, and many times in tears,
I confess new sadness has awoken in my declining years.
My fine nation, my fine nation, what has become of you?
Most of the many things I loved in this pleasant land,
Are gone and out of view, all gone and out of view.
For the young men who died to keep Britain free,
We made statues to commemorate,
But those symbols of wartime bravery, fools choose to desecrate;
But it's alright, we're British, and we're tolerant to cruel men,
Yet, when I think of what Britain has become,
I wonder how it'll end, my God, I wonder how it'll end.
I was dreaming again last night, I dreamt my country stood big and strong,
That our Government was united and chose right over wrong,
And I dreamt my grandchildren grew up safe from harm after I'd gone,
That good ruled over evil; but I woke up later on, so sad it had been a dream.
Mighty juggernauts still keep rolling along,
And traffic's clogging the motorways,
So we make extra roads and houses and slice the countryside away,
Till the wildlife's all extinguished, strangled as tarmac invades,
And our island sinks beneath the weight, yet still we manage to simply say:
It's all okay, we're British. Yes, it's all okay.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The following is from the original work of the Chilean poet Pablo Neruda, entitled: IF YOU FORGET ME.
Quiero que sepas
una cosa.
Tú sabes cómo es esto:
si miro
la luna de cristal, la rama roja
del lento otoño en mi ventana,
si toco
junto al fuego
la impalpable ceniza
o el arrugado cuerpo de la leña,
todo me lleva a ti,
como si todo lo que existe:
aromas, luz, metales,
fueran pequeños barcos que navegan
hacia las islas tuyas que me aguardan.
=
I need you love, to know
one thing.
To see how it appears:
if I gaze amazed,
on a pale opaque moon face,
Juno, a volcano, a late rose,
red leaves of autumn or a glass,
if I once clasp to me a flame,
an impalpable ember or
a creased old log,
I find all carries me to you;
as if all that exists:
aromas, colours, aqua, light,
cool jade ... more too,
must be little boats that
are sailing out to conquer
a unique unconquered isle,
an unequalled soul
reassuring me.
David Bourke with:
Reasons To Be Cheerful Part Three
(Ian Dury and The Blockheads)
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Reasons to be cheerful - part three
One, two, three...
Summer, Buddy Holly, the working folly
Good Golly Miss Molly, and boats,
Hammersmith Palais, the Bolshoi Ballet,
Jump back in the alley, and nanny goats,
Eighteen-wheeler Scammells, Dominecker camels
All other mammals, plus equal votes
Seeing Piccadilly, Fanny Smith and Willie
Being rather silly, and porridge oats
A bit of grin and bear it, a bit of come and share it,
You're welcome we can spare it, yellow socks,
Too short to be haughty, too nutty to be naughty,
Going on forty, no electric shocks
The juice of a carrot, the smile of a parrot,
A little drop of claret, anything that rocks
Elvis and Scotty, the days when I ain't spotty,
Sitting on a potty, curing smallpox.
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful - one two three
Reasons to be cheerful - part three
Health service glasses, gigolos and brasses
Round or skinny bottoms
Take your mum to Paris, lighting up a chalice
Wee Willie Harris
Bantu Steven Biko, listening to Rico
Harpo Groucho Chico
Cheddar cheese and pickle, a Vincent motorcycle,
Slap and tickle.
Woody Allen, Dali, Dmitri and Pasquale
Balla balla balla and Volare
Something nice to study, phoning up a buddy
Being in my nuddy
Saying okeydokey, singalonga Smokey
Coming out o' chokey
John Coltrane's soprano, Adie Celentano
Bonar Colleano
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful - one two three
Yes, yes - dear, dear
Perhaps next year
Or maybe even never
In which case...
Woody Allen, Dali, Dimitri and Pasquale
Balla balla balla and Volare
Something nice to study, phoning up a buddy
Being in my nuddy
Saying okeydokey, sing-a-long a Smokey
Coming out o' chokey
John Coltrane's soprano, Adie Celentano
Bonar Colleano
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful - one two three...
Reasons...
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful - one two three...
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful part three
Reasons to be cheerful - one two three...
=
Reasons To Be Cheerful
(Part Three)
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Reasons to be cheerful - one, two, three...
Donald Trump's silly wig,
David Cameron on a pig,
Got one bloody point at Eurovision,
Tony Blair, at last in prison.
Being fired on The Apprentice,
Being Rylan Clark-Neal's dentist,
A penalty shootout, and volleyball,
Gemma Collins' on-ice fall.
Rami Malek, Queen Freddie,
Rush - Alex, Neil and Geddy,
Hamilton, cool in qualifying,
Wayne Rooney, Jussie Smollett lying.
Eight and twelve-string Rickenbackers,
So cheap at only three-thousand smackers,
The Who's phenomenal Pete and Roger,
Status Quo, Caitlyn's todger.
Supervet animal prosthetics,
The Invicta Games athletics,
European Union - leaving, maybe?
A cherubic black royal baby.
Ginger Rogers, Fred Astaire,
Emma Watson's derriere,
Narcotics, toadstools, LSD, "E",
Serious Jockin'...with no G.
A cockatoo, a parakeet,
Duke of Edinburgh, Sesame Street,
Basil and Sybil, Andy and Florrie,
Hilda Ogden, lesbians on Corrie.
Monocles, top hats, cravats,
Bob Geldof and the Boomtown Rats,
Adie Pena, Cheech and Chong,
Yoko Ono in full song.
Sully's plane getting ditched,
Miley Cyrus getting hitched,
Monty Python, a Bronx cheer,
Edward Woodward onomatopoeia.
Lily Allen, Wills and Katy,
Ian Hunter...almost eighty!
Mott The Hoople, Stacey Dooley,
A trophy blonde, any girl called Julie.
Balalaikas (banjo, Greek),
Schoolboy humour, Mock The Week,
Sloppy seconds, hot cocoa, Turkish Delight,
Rumpy-pumpy every night.
Stolly Bolly, scotch, and gin,
Annual holiday, lying in,
Cheap tobacco, Yo-Yo Ma,
A colossal hashcake, and A-Ha.
Healthy cooking by my mum,
Dolly's peachy breasts, Kim's bum,
A Tony C. anagram in the Mail, daily,
Or one unbeatable Israeli!
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, - one two three...
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful - one two three...
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful - one two three...
Reasons...
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Why don't you get back into bed?
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful - one two three...
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful, part three
Reasons to be cheerful - one two three...
George Missailidis with:
Knowledge
A concise poem that is written by Louise Bogan.
Now that I know
How passion warms little
Of flesh in the mould,
And treasure is brittle—
I'll lie here and learn
How, over their ground,
Trees make a long shadow
And a light sound.
=
Ah, Huge Wisdom Perpetuate Here!
I'm to grow in mind
If now onto learning,
And to show understanding,
We cannot be blind.
The dolorous will see
That all should like this
Takes sorrow with a kiss—
Learn to call thee free!
By Simeon Galavar.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Twenty-Seven of the Many Emotions People Feel, But Can't Explain
From "The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows", the YouTube compendium of vocabulary words invented by John Koenig
* Sonder
A realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own - populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness - an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you never knew existed, in which you might appear only once, as the extra of a film sipping coffee in the background, a blur of traffic passing on the highway, or that lighted window at dusk.
* Opia
The intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable - their pupils glittering, bottomless and opaque - as if you were peering through the hole in the door of a house, able to tell that there’s someone standing there, but unable to tell if you’re looking in or looking out.
* Monachopsis
The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach - lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other poor misfits, not able to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.
* Énouement
The bittersweetness of having arrived here in the future, where you can finally get the answers to how things turn out in the real world - who your little sister would become, what vocations your friends would end up having, where your choices would finally lead you, exactly when you’d lose the people you took for granted - which is priceless intelligence that you'd instinctively want to share with anyone who hadn’t already made the journey, as if there was some part of you that had volunteered to stay behind, that was still stationed at a forgotten outpost somewhere in the past, still eagerly awaiting news from the front.
* Vellichor
The strange wistfulness of used bookshops - filled to the brim with thousands of old used books you'll never have enough time to read, each of which is itself locked in its own era, bound and dated and plastered over like an old room the author abandoned many years ago, a hidden annex littered with thoughts left just like they were on the day they were captured.
* Rubatosis
The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat, whose tenuous muscular throbbing feels less like a metronome than a ditty your heart is nervously tapping to itself, the kind that people compulsively hum or sing while walking in total darkness, as if to remind the outside world, "I’m here, I’m here, I'm here, I'm here."
* Kenopsia
The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that’s usually bustling with people but is now abandoned, quiet, and forgotten - a school hallway in the evening, an office unlit for the weekend, vacant fairgrounds - an emotional afterimage that makes it seem not just empty but hyper-empty, with total population in the negative, who are so conspicuously absent they glow like neon signs.
* Mauerbauertraurigkeit
The inexplicable urge to push people away from you, even close friends you really like - as if all your social tastebuds suddenly went numb, leaving you unable to distinguish cheap politeness from the taste of genuine affection, unable to recognize its rich and ambiguous flavors, its long and delicate maturation, or the simple fact that each tasting is double-blind.
* Jouska
The hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head - a clear analysis, a cathartic dialogue, a devastating comeback - which serves as the kind of psychological batting cage where you can connect more deeply with people than in the small ball of everyday life, a frustratingly cautious game of change-up pitches, sacrifice bunts, and intentional walks.
* Chrysalism
The amniotic tranquility of safely being indoors during a thunderstorm. Listening to the waves of rain pattering against the roof like an argument upstairs, whose muffled words are unintelligible but whose crackling release of built-up tension you understand perfectly.
* Vemödalen
The frustration of photographing something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist - the same sunset, the same high waterfall, the same curve of a hip, the same closeup of an eye - which can turn a perfectly unique subject into something hollow and pulpy, like a cheap piece of furniture you have had to assemble yourself.
* Anecdoche
The conversation in which everyone is talking but nobody is listening, simply overlaying disconnected words like a game of Scrabble, with each player borrowing bits of other anecdotes as a way to increase their own score, until they all run out of things to say.
* Kuebiko
The state of exhaustion inspired by acts of senseless violence, which force you to revise your image of what can happen in this world - mending the fences of your expectations, weeding out all unwelcome and invasive truths, cultivating the perennial good that’s buried under the surface, and propping yourself up like an old scarecrow, who’s bursting at the seams but powerless to do anything but stand there and watch.
* Exulansis
The tendency to give up trying to talk about your experience because people are unable to relate to it - whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness, which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land.
~
* Ellipsism
An unexplainable sadness that you'll never be able to know how history will turn out, that you will dutifully pass on the joke of being alive without ever learning the punchline - the name of the beneficiary of all human struggle, the final payout sum of every investment ever made in the future - which may not suit your sense of humor anyway, and which will probably involve how many people it would take to change a lightbulb.
* Lachesism
An unaccountable desire to be struck by cataclysmic circumstances - to survive a plane crash in a storm's gusts, to lose everything of value in a house fire, to plunge downward over a mountain waterfall - which would put a substantial kink in the smooth arc of your life, and twist it into something hardened and flexible and sharp, not just a stiff prefabricated beam that barely covers the gap between one end of your life and the other.
* Adronitis
A frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone, spending the first few weeks in conscious distress, hobnobbing in their psychological entryway, with each subsequent conversation like entering a different anteroom, with each discussion a little closer to the center of the house - wishing instead that you could start there, in uninhibited pillowtalk, and work your way outward, exchanging your deepest secrets first, before easing into a social casualness, until you've built up enough acceptable mystery to ask where they came from and what they do for a living.
* Rückkehrunruhe
That feeling of wistfulness upon returning home after an immersive trip, only to find that it is all fading rapidly from your awareness - to the extent that you have to keep reminding yourself that it had happened at all, even though it felt so vivid just hours ago - which makes you wish you could smoothly cross-dissolve back into everyday life, or just hold the camera shutter open indefinitely and let one scene become superimposed on the next, so all the days would run together and you would never have to call 'cut'.
* Nodus Tollens
An anticlimactic realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense any more, that although you thought you were following the story in anticipation, you keep finding yourself out of whack, immersed in passages you don’t understand, that don’t even seem to belong to the same genre. This requires you to go back to reread and assess the chapters you had originally skipped to get to the good parts, just to learn that all along you were supposed to choose your own adventure.
* Onism
Awareness of how little of the world you'll actually experience; the dissociated frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time. Imagine standing in front of the departures screen at the airport, watching it flicker with strange place names, as if they were people's passwords, each one representing one more place you will never get to before you die - and all because, as the arrow on the map helpfully points out, 'You are Here'.
* Liberosis
An inexplicable desire to care less about things. To loosen your grip on your life, to stop glancing behind you every couple steps, afraid that someone swifter will snatch the ball, or you will fumble, before you reach the end zone - rather to hold your life loosely and playfully, like a volleyball, keeping it in the air, with only quick running interventions, bouncing freely in the hands of trusted friends, always in play.
* Altschmerz
Feeling weariness with the same tedious issues, same boring flaws and anxieties that you've been voraciously gnawing at for years, which leaves them soggy, wet, tasteless and inert, with nothing interesting left to think about, nothing left to do but spit them out and wander off to the backyard, as a puppy, to dig up that fresher pain you might have buried some time ago.
* Occhiolism
Philosophical awareness of the smallness of your perspective, by which you couldn’t possibly draw any meaningful conclusions at all, about the world or the past or the complexities of culture, because although your life is an epic and unrepeatable anecdote, it still only has a sample size of one, and may end up being the control for a much wilder experiment happening in the next room.
* Heartworm
A relationship or friendship that you can't get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite's smoldering embers at dawn, which still have enough power to start a forest fire.
* Anemoia
Nostalgia about a time you've never known. Imagine stepping through a frame into a distant passageway, a sepia-tinted haze, where you could sit beside a road and watch local passersby, who lived and died before any of us arrived here, who sleep in some of the same houses we do, who look up to see the same spectacular moon, who breathe the same air, feel the same blood in their veins - and live in a completely different world.
* Morii
Desire to capture and cling to a fleeting experience. With each click of the shutter, you try to press pause on your life's busyness, in a world stuck on play - if only so you can get a little more comfortable moving on.
* Midding
Feeling the tranquil pleasure of being near a gathering but not in it - hovering inconspicuously on the perimeter of a campfire, chatting outside a huge party while others dance inside, resting your head in the backseat of a car listening to the sound of your friends chatting up front - being blissfully invisible yet still fully included, safe in the knowledge that everyone is together and okay, with all the thrill of being there, but without the burden of having to be.
Tony Crafter with:
PADDY and MURPHY
Paddy and Murphy are reading headstones in a cemetery.
Paddy says, "Murphy, there's a fellow here who was a hundred and fifty two!"
"What was his name?" asks Murphy.
Paddy replies: "Miles from London!"
*
After a terrible earthquake in Dublin, rescuers were sorting through the rubble of a collapsed city centre hotel, when they heard an Irish voice calling weakly, “Oi'm Paddy Quinn... Feckin’ help me.”
The rescuers shouted “Where are you?”
Paddy shouted back, “Oi’m in room two hundred and ninety two!”
*
Paddy and Murphy are at the airport. Paddy says: "Jeez, Murphy, oi really wish oi'd brought the TV with me"
"Why's that?" asks Murphy.
"'Cos oi left the passports on top of it!"
*
Paddy staggers exhausted into his house. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks Murphy.
‘Oi thought oi’d save my seventy-five pence bus fare by running behoind the bus,’ gasps Paddy.
‘Ah, ya daft fool, says Murphy “If you’d run behind a taxi you coulda saved a tenner.”
*
The Fire Brigade are trying to rescue an Irishman from the tenth floor of a burning building.
A fireman shouts: “Quick, Paddy! Jump and we’ll catch you in this blanket!”
The Irishman replies: “Feck that! Oi don’t trust you lot to hold on to it. Lay it on the floor!"
*
Paddy and his wife Sinead are lying in bed asleep when the neighbours' dog starts barking like mad in the garden and wakes them up.
After a while, Paddy says, "The hell with this!" and storms out.
He comes back ten minutes later and Sinead asks, "What did you do?"
Paddy replies "Oi put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they loike it!"
*
Paddy says to Murphy: ‘Me friend Niall Styles fell off his motorcycle today.
He has brain damage, two broken arms and is blind in one eye.’
'Feckin' hell… no wonder he fell off it,’ says Murphy.
*
=
A man stops Murphy in Dublin town centre and asks the quickest way to Cork.
Murphy says: “Are you on foot or in your car?”
The man replies: “In my car.”
“Well that’ll be the quickest way,” says Murphy.
*
Murphy yelled frantically down the phone “Me wife Maggie's pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asked the Doctor.
“No,” yelled Murphy, “this is her husband!”
*
Paddy always slept with a handgun under his pillow. One night, on hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he accidentally shot off his big toe.
‘Thank the Lord I wasn’t lying da other end of me bed,’ Paddy told his friends in McCullen's bar; ‘coz I'd have blown me dumb head off.’
Paddy and Murphy are out beachcombing one day.
Paddy finds a hand-mirror, looks at it and murmurs, “Gee, I am sure I’ve seen dat man before!” and gives it to Murphy.
Murphy says, “Ya stupid eejut, dat’s me!”
*
What’s the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding?
One less drunk.
*
A befuddled Paddy had sat at the bar for three hours, trying to figure out why his sister has four brothers and he only has three.
*
Paddy called up Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asked Paddy: "How many people are flying with you?
"Paddy replied "I don't know! Its your feckin' plane!"
*
Paddy is driving past the bus stop when he sees Murphy there.
"Hey, would you like a lift Murphy?”
”No thanks… I moight miss me bus.”
*
Paddy drags a very large old box all the way to the Antiques Roadshow, which is filming in his area that week.
'Um... where did you get this?' asks the expert.
'It's been in our loft for eighty-four years' says Paddy.
'I see, and do you have insurance?'
'No,' replies Paddy, somewhat baffled, 'do you think I should?'
'Yeah,' replies the man, 'It's your water tank.'
*
George Missailidis with:
Snow and Feathers =
Snow and Feathers
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Discrimination based on the colour of a man's skin =
No Boneheads, Idiots nor Nationalism! Fuck racism!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Vaginal curtain? =
An actual virgin!
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Female porn stars =
Partners of males.
Valery Silivanov with:
Knights are wild ~
with naked girls.
George Missailidis with:
Oh, I got horny, happier finding ~
high-definition pornography! ;)
David Bourke with:
The cardinal, His Eminence George Pell AC =
Representing a college, he came in a child.
Adie Pena with:
Priests on ~ porn sites!
David Bourke with:
White supremacist Brenton Harrison Tarrant =
Rampant terrorist? Er, he's a cunt with no brains.
View with:
Soliciting prostitutes =
Strip sluts --> I get coition
Adie Pena with:
The gay and lesbian community =
Anyone LGBT, much AIDS anytime.
David Bourke with:
After the most spicy Indian curry imaginable =
I let my bum's capacity for dinner gas in the air!
David Bourke with:
The purpose of labiaplasty operations =
Hole "a beauty!", proportionate pissflaps.
George Missailidis with:
Having many ideas =
Vaginas in my head!
Meyran Kraus with:
Hell, as I walked in on my wife screwing two athletes, ~
it was the longest awkward silence in my whole life!