1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The divorce felt rough when ~
we fought over the children.
2nd - View with:
I was stealing that =
It's against the law
3rd - George Missailidis with:
Candles at night =
A scent and light.
Adie Pena with:
A self-righteous man =
This famous general...
Adrian Hickford with:
Listening to birds in the garden =
Idle, then robin started singing!
Adrian Hickford with:
To reanimate ~
a marionette.
David Bourke with:
Thing is, I turn diabetic ~
raiding the biscuit tin.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Obstruction of justice =
To fuss in court: "I object!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
Peace and tranquility =
Any planet acquired it?
Ellie Dent with:
Stained glass =
A design lasts.
Ellie Dent with:
Earth in crisis? =
Arise in Christ!
George Missailidis with:
A "congratulations" to Meyran Kraus! =
Your nicest anagram outranks a lot!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Old age pensioners =
I see England's poor.
Christopher Sturdy with:
We protestors ~
wrote posters!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The gruesome task of a forensic anthropologist =
I look at corpse fragments after house shooting.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Procrastinating =
Part is not caring.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Respecting another's personal space =
The creeps can't go near a person's lips
Rosie Perera with:
The world is going to hell in a handbasket =
Behold, land is getting worse. Ah, thank oil.
Rosie Perera with:
Procrastinating =
Staring into crap.
Rosie Perera with:
Musical literacy =
Saucily metrical
Rosie Perera with:
Spiritual care practitioners at a hospital =
Chaplain, priest, or pastor, as I articulate it.
George Missailidis with:
I die, enter Heaven's palace =
Have eternal peace inside.
George Missailidis with:
Importance of great education =
I'm a doctor. Often get a pain cure!
George Missailidis with:
A brain's a silent thought machine in a head =
Each rational human being has that inside.
George Missailidis with:
Journal your thoughts =
Ooh, just ugly "rant hour".
George Missailidis with:
In Hell, you ~
unholy lie.
George Missailidis with:
Sworn statement of behaviour =
Must be a fine, stern oath or vow.
Tony Crafter with:
Destruction by fire =
Burnt edifice story.
Valery Silivanov with:
I am a selfish, weird, trashy online poet. ~
Please share this information widely.
1st - Julian Lofts with:
Roots: The Saga of an American Family =
A montage of a male’s African history.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The 'Seascape' by Oscar-Claude Monet =
He eyed boats; captures ocean's calm.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Marvel Studios movie "Avengers: Endgame" =
Divulge men's motive: reverse Thanos' damage!
Brian Taylor with:
"Magnificent desolation" ~
is enigmatic tone of land.
David Bourke with:
The country singer Miranda Leigh Lambert =
Blonde American girl, rather mighty tunes!
David Bourke with:
The actor Robin Williams as Mrs Doubtfire =
Claim laid for it: "Tis Mrs Brown, ah to be sure!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Discovery Channel program "Naked and Afraid" =
Very cold night and a roar in camp, and she freaked!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Henry Thomas as Elliott =
I'm E.T.'s host, ally on Earth.
Meyran Kraus with:
The drama 'Game of Thrones' =
The Mama of Three Dragons.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Kidnapped" by Robert Louis Stevenson =
Old book inspired by true events' span.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo =
A book bet on a mighty devout French church
Rick Rothstein with:
Men hate a 'Mother of Dragons' ~
on the drama 'Game of Thrones'
George Missailidis with:
The series, Married At First Sight =
Regret this dream; this is a strife!
Tony Crafter with:
The Walt Disney Studios movie 'Mary Poppins Returns' =
Trusty Ms. Supernanny, who revisits to aid dim people.
1st - Josiah Winslow with:
The Mueller report about U.S. election meddling
=
Hello!
Let me begin our outline:
Trump's [REDACTED]
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Notre Dame cathedral is on fire =
That rare icon eroded in flames.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Parliamentary mix ups and fiendish betrayals =
Hate, despair, as May and MPs finally ruin Brexit.
Adie Pena with:
A Brexit deal ‡
Relaxed a bit.
David Bourke with:
The Ginger Spice and Scary Spice lesbian rumours =
Geri angry about sirenic Mel's sapphic crudeness!
David Bourke with:
The Sultan of Brunei =
Hotel bans in future?
David Bourke with:
The spire of the Notre-Dame cathedral, Paris =
Patent it's a mere charred pile of red hot ash.
Dharam Khalsa with:
President Donald Trump's warning, "Our country is full" =
No wall funds? Trump's deterring policy is "Turn around!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
Redacting the Mueller Report =
Lingered there to clear Trump.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Redacted Mueller report =
Delete real Trump record.
Dharam Khalsa with:
O, Notre Dame =
Donate more!
Ellie Dent with:
Our Lady of Paris: Notre Dame Cathedral =
Lord, mourn a deadly fire... a catastrophe.
Phil Carmody with:
Notre Dame's on fire =
Needs Reformation!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Death memes to politician... =
The man is a complete idiot.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Pope Francis meets South Sudanese politicians =
Suppress hostilities, mean it, and focus on peace!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Boeing crashes =
Once big shares.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Pray that I fool friends ~
on the first day of April.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The redacted lines =
Hidden secret tale?
Josiah Winslow with:
Mueller's report about Russian election meddling =
Trump undermined release...so, illegal obstruction?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Beto" (Robert Francis O'Rourke) =
I reboot before rockstar run
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Notre Dame cathedral Rose Window =
Old art wonder weathers demonic heat
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
David and Louise Turpin are sentenced =
Ace deviants endure prison until dead
Rick Rothstein with:
United Kingdom's Parliament ~
liked starting pandemonium.
Rosie Perera with:
First ever black hole photograph has been shown =
Prof. Stephen Hawking, the scholar: "Oh, observable?!"
Rosie Perera with:
The Cathedral of Notre-Dame de Paris =
A fire had threatened to scrap old me.
Rosie Perera with:
Look, a 'Softie, RP's in jail =
It is an April fool's joke
George Missailidis with:
Trump's beliefs ‡
Superb leftism.
George Missailidis with:
Upcoming presidential election =
Trump's ego-concept: "I lie in denial!"
George Missailidis with:
The Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Paris, France =
Can feel dread, torment, heartache, despair.
George Missailidis with:
Despair ~
de Paris.
View with:
Peace in the Middle East =
The claim: It’s a deep need!
View with:
Celebrating World Book Day =
New gory "Black Blood". Read it!
1st - George Missailidis with:
Donald Trump and Mike Pence =
Pumpkin-Toddler and Menace.
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
American First Lady Melania Trump =
Married a fat clumsy reptilian man.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange =
A genius lands in a UK jail for weeks!
David Bourke with:
South Bend mayor Peter Paul Montgomery Buttigieg =
See erudite gay man lobby, hoping to get Mr Trump out.
David Bourke with:
Douglas Dallas Foster =
Drug deal, so a flat loss!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Father Jean-Marc Fournier of the Paris Fire Brigade =
Jumped in big fire for rare artifacts. Ha, no fear here!
Ellie Dent with:
Former Beatle, Paul =
Prefer all about ME!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Greta Ernman Thunberg =
Her urgent manner at GB.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
President Nicolas Maduro =
Ordure cast in a slime pond
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Baltimore's Mayor Catherine Pugh =
I bear a highly corrupt tome's name
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Walter Elias Disney =
I want resale yields.
Rosie Perera with:
Democratic First Spouse Hopeful, Chasten Buttigieg =
I'd be specific: that's Pete's cute groom, right? A fun soul.
Rosie Perera with:
South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg =
Gutsy, might beat Biden or "Toupee".
George Missailidis with:
Satya Nadella =
A lead analyst.
Tony Crafter with:
Sir Roderick David Stewart and Penny Lancaster =
Randy rock star and sweet and civilised partner.
View with:
Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex =
Folks, excuse her mad smugness, ah?
View with:
Anthony Weiner =
Horny, wet, inane
1st - Josiah Winslow with:
Huawei Technologies Co. Ltd. =
Go all out with Chinese code.
2nd - View with:
Notre Dame =
Dear to men
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
World Penguin Day =
Unweary plodding
Adie Pena with:
Belgian Malinois, a dog =
Big, lean animal is good.
Adrian Hickford with:
Event Horizon Telescope =
Potent hole-zone service
David Bourke with:
The Four Corners Monument, near Cortez, United States =
If needs must, turn at the center...UT or CO or AZ or NM seen!
Dharam Khalsa with:
International Federation for Produce Standards =
Food PLU Code trend irritates nations near and far!
Ellie Dent with:
The Bichon Frise =
Oh, I bet is French!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Elephant shrew =
Where's the plan?
Jesse Frankovich with:
Notre Dame Cathedral =
A lot met a charred end.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Science to Climate Action Network =
Interaction to check sea ice won't melt
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Luscinia megarhynchos ~
is such angelic harmony
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Notre Dame ~
meant redo
Rosie Perera with:
Jesus's crown of thorns =
Scorn hurts Son of Jews.
Rosie Perera with:
The Certified Pool and Spa Operator Certification =
Anticipate it: add proper ratio of chlorine to feces.
Tony Crafter with:
The Parliament of the United Kingdom =
Gee, that rotten pile of dim humankind.
View with:
Ford Mustang EcoBoost =
Soft? No, car must be good!
View with:
Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, France =
Errant actions and fire harmed place.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Some popular dancing moves of the 60s:
1. The Funky Chicken
2. The Turkey Trot
3. The Locomotion
4. The Twist
5. The Mashed Potato
6. The Swim
=
Common things that show you're 60:
1. Clucky wife at home
2. The toilet trot
3. The pacemaker
4. Hips don't move!
5. Soft spud (no teeth!)
6. The sink!
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The election of Barack Obama as President of the United States of America =
So epic a feat for a nation, but it made the hatred of blacks seem to increase.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The Swedish environmental activist schoolgirl, Greta Ernman Thunberg =
Here striving to save the burning world...the climate's change isn't normal!
Adie Pena with:
"Isn’t it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool’s Day and ends with cries of May Day!" (Unknown Author)=
Offhand, fat Trump was happy and/or okay with the Mueller Report. Now, that bitching idiot's annoyed, insistent it's a hoax!
David Bourke with:
Gonville and Caius College at the University of Cambridge =
A concluding delight: See Victoria Bateman's lovely figure!
David Bourke with:
The US President Donald Trump thinks the noise of windmills is a cause of cancer =
A clinical field report found this human sickness is due to Pete Townshend's arm?
David Bourke with:
John William "Paul" Weller (guitar and vocals), Bruce Douglas Foxton (bass and vocals), and Paul Richard "Rick" Buckler (drums) =
The Jam lads, a colourful pop-cultural vanguard. Classic mod sounds...Rickenbacker axes whirl, all wild burning bravado!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Girl: "What is forgiveness?"
Teacher: "When ready, face the truth--~
It is the fragrance that flowers give when they are crushed."
Dharam Khalsa with:
"A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Marcus Tullius Cicero
=
But, your outlook with illustrated comics is hilarious! - Amoebous Wacko
Ellie Dent with:
Rebecca asked me to give up beer (too dear), but then she spent loads on make-up.
I asked why I had to give up things, that she didn't.
~
So she said she wanted to keep me happy, devoted up until the grave.
But a beer does that, I argued. I don't think she's coming back.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Washington, capital of The United States of America ‡
Got a fact: No Huawei-made tech infiltrates. Pass it on.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland =
True regret did reign for thinkin' to abandon the mainland.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland=
I'm degraded in international rank for nothing but the red.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The 5-4 majority on the Supreme Court of the United States of America ‡
A 45th president arose to mete out justice for the cream of humanity
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Lapsed Catholics celebrating the message of Easter =
Rise, parent, assemble chocolate-egg feast child eats!
Rosie Perera with:
‘Human Composting’ as a green alternative to burial =
Habitual grave management: turn a corpse into soil.
Rosie Perera with:
"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." — Ernest Hemingway. =
The best way to get many humans to trust you in office: be trustworthy, modest inside.
View with:
A corrupt, unpatriotic president, a stark impeachment choice for Democrats =
D. Trump is pathetic, dark, eccentric man, poisonous for America! Protect earth!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."=
Which idiot in the lavish Notre Dame's extremely crucial reconstruction crew dropped a lit cigarette by accident?!
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."
=
The cagey civic Mueller Report was released, and rancid Trump can't control his hectic idiocy exhibited on Twitter.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device =
It hit me it was no weird, unexpected comic occurrence that the very big caca horridly splattered in all directions!
Adie Pena with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."=
Aren't we at this point, America? Try reconceiving this conceited child's crudely pictured wall at the Mexico border!
Adie Pena with:
The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device.=
WITTY LONDON CIRCLE WATCHED
Britain's critical
Remainers could give the
Epic
X to the duped,
Incorrect
Theresa May.
Adrian Hickford with:
The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device=
Bitter, deadly, excruciating, rancid, wretched, incompetent, pernicious, corrosive, witch. I'd call Theresa May the lot!
David Bourke with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device." =
"Eric Cantona, a very much ill-tempered genius, directed his dexter boot into critic within the Crystal Palace crowd."
Dharam Khalsa with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."
=
I charge, we can't predict exactly when it'll occur--in Parliament, in chuch, or by terrorists--so, I've decided to meditate.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."
=
His toxic Tweet cyclone to contradict the Mueller report, when it's made public. Sincere advice: I'd carry a riding hat!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device." =
Mueller exhibit is redacted;
"I won!" Trump reacted,
"Nothing. Epic day!"
Vocal critic, "No way!
Clinch the stories retracted!
Ellie Dent with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."
=
Doctor swore I must cycle...
Helps correct creepin' inertia,
But exceeding mild activity
Can lead to what, third hernia?!
Christopher Sturdy with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."
=
True, except it's written and understood by no wider circle I met than politically correct, academic high-achievers.
Josiah Winslow with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."=
Michael Cohen: "I wrote text emails with 'at prpress.gov.ru'...and I did it crudely, by an incorrect letter choice accident!"
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device
=
We diehard Extinction Rebellion crowd may occupy street until ethics divert direr catastrophic climate change
Rosie Perera with:
The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device.=
Cry at the wretched shit or detritus all over my nice deluxe Arctic December appliance. Switch to air conditioning!
Rosie Perera with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."=
Oh, we're excited, recalling that wild epic dirty dirty scene in the absurd comic movie "Airplane". That counts, correct?
George Missailidis with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."
=
A rich eccentric, Donald Trump, became the United States President?! The Icy-Cold War will arrive! Oh, too exciting, I cry...
Tony Crafter with:
"The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."
=
"Chic? Attractive? Tch, not I," cried Pru Clodd; "I see a wretched crone. I want a compliment, Dex."
"Er... your eyesight's brilliant!"
View with:
The excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device."
=
Attractive writer? Clean dialect, nice dialect? Ordure, Excretion, Discharge. Why not bold? Cryptic euphemism?
No shit!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
HER DIARY
Friday, 6th February.
Saw him last night and he was acting very strange. I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and turned up a bit late so I thought it could be that.
The Roebuck jazz club was very noisy, so I suggested we went to a quieter zone in the club to talk. He was still detached and preoccupied so I said let's go somewhere cosy to eat.
All through dinner at The Pepperbox he wasn't himself; he rarely laughed and he didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or what I was saying. I knew something was inherently wrong.
He drove me back home and I wasn't sure if he would come in. He hesitated, but he followed. I asked if there was anything the matter but he just shook his head and turned on the TV.
After ten minutes of eerily frozen silence, I said that I was going to bed. I put my arms round him and told him I loved him deeply. He just sighed and gave a vague, rather sad smile.
He didn't follow me at once, but later he came up, and I was surprised when we made love. He still appeared distant and a little cool, and I started to think that he might be going off me, or perhaps he'd met someone else.
Heartbroken, I cried myself to sleep.
*
HIS DIARY
Friday, 6th February.
Manchester United lost to Liverpool. Absolutely gutted. Got a shag though.
=
As the No.6 bus stopped and Jane was getting on it, she suddenly realised that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the first step of the bus.
Somewhat embarrassed, she gave a quick, apologetic smile to the bus driver and shyly reached behind to unzip her skirt a little, hoping that this would give her enough slack to lift her leg higher.
She tried to make the step again, only to discover that she couldn't.
Now even more embarrassed, she again reached behind to unzip her skirt a bit more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, to her immense chagrin, she couldn't lift the leg high enough.
So, with another apologetic smile to the driver, Jane again reached behind to unzip herself a little more but again she was unable to ascend that dreaded step.
About the same time, a 6ft Texan guy who was standing behind her, easily lifted her up bodily by the waist and deposited her gently on the first step of the bus.
Jane was infuriated! She turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my waist? I don't even know you!"
The man smiled convivially and drawled, 'Well ma'am, I'm hearing what you're saying and normally I would agree with ya, but after you'd unzipped my fly three times, I kind of figured we was friends.'
2nd - Adie Pena with:
THE PENSIONER'S PLAYLIST by Jody Rosen
The 25 greatest songs about aging and mortality...
1. Fats Waller, "Old Grand Dad"”
2. Bill Withers, "Grandma’s Hands"
3. Gene Autry, "That Silver Haired Daddy of Mine"
4. Will Oakland, "Silver Threads Among the Gold"
5. Jacques Brel, "Les Vieux"
6. Elvis Costello, "Veronica"
7. Pulp, "Help the Aged"
8. Jay-Z, "30 Something"
9. Toby Keith, "As Good As I Once Was"
10. LCD Soundsystem, "Losing My Edge"
11. Kitty Wells, "A Woman Half My Age"
12. Steely Dan, "Hey Nineteen"
13. Joe Tex, "Buying a Book"
14. Tom Lehrer, "When You Are Old and Gray"
15. Willie Nelson, "September Song"
16. Frank Sinatra, "The September of My Years"
17. The Grateful Dead, "Touch of Grey"
18. Hoagy Carmichael, "Rockin' Chair"
19. Nas, "Can’t Forget About You"
20. Hazel Dickens, "Old and in the Way"
21. The Magnetic Fields, "When You’re Old and Lonely"
22. Celia Cruz, "Yo Vivire (I Will Survive)"
23. Johnny Cash, "We’ll Meet Again"
24. The Zimmers, "My Generation"
25. Jimmy Durante, "Young at Heart"
=
25 SIGNS YOU'RE GETTING OLD
You...
1. Forget people's names
2. Mislay bag, rimmed glasses, jewelry, etc.
3. Lose head hair daily
4. Cackle much about your 30 maladies and allergies
5. Groan when you bend down
6. Melodramatically whine and bellyache
7. Can't lift heavy things due to back concerns
8. Relish mainstream jazz
9. Fall asleep in front of the TV every night
10. Duly say "In my day..."
11. Enjoy getting asked for ID
12. Need an afternoon nap
13. Heedlessly drive very slowly
14. Awkwardly struggle to use technology
15. Are willingly a homebody
16. Decide on clothes and shoes for comfort rather than style
17. Grudgingly jog to shed weight
18. Are extremely judgmental and quarrelsome
19. Exclaim, "Pizza isn't a meal!"
20. Grumble about the trash on TV these days
21. Don't know a song in the Top Ten
22. Hate visiting noisy bars
23. Completely have no idea what juveniles are talking about
24. Desire a home in Hawaii
25. Drink sherry.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
THE MEN'S RULES
Birthdays and anniversaries should not be challenges to see if we can again find the perfect present for you.
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday is sports day. It is like gravity or a full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Just ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this. Subtle hints do not work. Nor do strong or even obvious hints. So just simply tell us what you want.
We do not remember dates. So write birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar and remind us frequently beforehand.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl now, so if it is up, don’t moan, just put it down. OK? We need it up and you never hear us complaining when you leave it down.
Shopping is not a sport and we are never, ever going to think of it as such.
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to most questions.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
Only come to us with a problem if you really want help and wish us to help with solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends do.
Anything we may have said over two months or so ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments we make will become null and void after one week max.=
MAN'S WORLD
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We won't answer.
Most men own at most three pairs of shoes. So what makes you think we're any good at helping you, birdbrain, decide which pair of your smartest shoes can go best with clothes and hats you have?
If what we said on a subject can be interpreted two ways, and one of them disturbs you, we meant the other one.
Men see in only sixteen vivid colors, like a simpler PC's default setting. Peach is a fruit, not a colour. Still have no idea what mauve is.
We're not invincible, not natural mind-readers. Indeed, questionable mind-reading ability is not proof of how little involved men are, or unlovable or undemonstrative.
If you pose a question you don't want an answer to, best anticipate a horrible answer you don't want to hear.
When we go out, anything you wear is just sound.
If we ask what's wrong and you start saying: "Never mind, nothing," we'll promptly believe it, regardless. We know you're stressed, lying. It's just not worth the fight, senseless hassle.
Thank you for reading this. I confess I do have to sleep on the piddling little couch tonight. Damn hard. Prospect's grim.
Oh, but still, real men don't mind. It's like summer camping. Never dull.
David Bourke with:
Melanie Janine Brown (Scary), Geraldine Estelle Halliwell
(Ginger), Melanie Jayne Chisholm (Sporty), Emma Lee Bunton
(Baby), and Victoria Caroline Adams (Posh)
=
In the Spice Girls: Two in a lesbian romance, a common
plain jane in her jumble sale clothes, a midget silly
blonde yeller, and a barely-average whiny moaner.
Dharam Khalsa with:
“Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” —Leonard Cohen
=
"Things are getting harsh, and the ranks poorer. Change what you can, then forget it. Be eccentric. Reflect ever-shifting light." —Lyrical folklorist
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
and only where the forest fires have sped,
scorching relentlessly the cool north lands,
a sweet wild flower lifts its purple head,
and, like some gentle spirit sorrow-fed,
it hides the scars with almost human hands.
and only to the heart that knows of grief,
of desolating fire, of human pain,
there comes some purifying sweet belief,
some fellow-feeling beautiful, if brief.
and life revives, and blossoms once again.=
as folks who saw my noble spire fall
lamented my decline in doleful songs,
the few who were the wisest of them all
enlisted more rich friends to right this wrong.
rebuilding frills this large and each rosette
as epic as the blissful Eiffel's slope
takes time and effort, I believe - and yet,
i find we can maintain our shred of hope:
of passions and deep feelings of the heart,
no vow's much stronger than your love of art.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
COMPOSED UPON WESTMINSTER BRIDGE, SEPTEMBER 3, 1802
By William Wordsworth
Earth has not anything to show more fair:
Dull would he be of soul who could pass by
A sight so touching in its majesty:
This City now doth, like a garment, wear
The beauty of the morning; silent, bare,
Ships, towers, domes, theatres, and temples lie
Open unto the fields, and to the sky;
All bright and glittering in the smokeless air.
Never did sun more beautifully steep
In his first splendour, valley, rock, or hill;
Ne'er saw I, never felt, a calm so deep!
The river glideth at his own sweet will:
Dear God! the very houses seem asleep;
And all that mighty heart is lying still!
=
OUR SPOILED TOUR
WESTMINSTER BRIDGE - APRIL 18, 2.30pm
The view from this great bridge today is sad,
Unhappy, like in 'troubling to the soul',
And as I take my melancholy stroll,
I see Big Ben in scaffolding is clad,
And just to show the whole world has gone mad,
The irksome Climate mob's assumed control;
To snarl up London's highways is their goal,
Do they feel guilty? No sir, they are glad!
Meanwhile, Westminster's Parliament stands tall,
This edifice that we wish to preserve,
Yet presently the House is run by fools,
Who seem to think they rule rather than serve,
Still we British shouldn't be appalled,
In life we get the Government we deserve.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
APRIL FOOL'S DAY
Kenn Nesbitt
Mackenzie put a whoopie cushion on the teacher’s chair.
Makayla told the teacher that a bug was in her hair.
Alyssa brought an apple with a purple gummy worm
and gave it to the teacher just to see if she would squirm.
Elijah left a piece of plastic dog doo on the floor,
and Vincent put some plastic vomit in the teacher’s drawer.
Amanda put a goldfish in the teacher’s drinking glass.
These April Fool’s Day pranks are ones that you could use in class.
Before you go and try them, though, there’s something I should mention:
The teacher wasn’t fooling when she put us in detention.
=
THE JOKE'S ALREADY ON US
Sleazy Bill emphasised to us there was "no collusion,"
Linking to the outrageous thought of "no obstruction."
Ordering that Mueller Report to be then released;
Opposing cautious hangmen knew that we got fleeced!
Facts revealed he had his effective propaganda and his grand ploys;
Pneumatic jackhammers couldn't quash the humiliating noise.
Mincing no words, an unhappy racist with no shame,
Utterly paranoid, a nightmarish forty-fifth he became.
Russia apparently had met with the cohorts of the louse;
TP-laced cars line the pathway to a Soviet leak-stained White House.
David Bourke with:
ENGLAND'S ROSE
by Lewis Hamilton
The day we lost our Nation's Rose,
Tears we cried like rivers flowed,
The earth stood still
As we laid her to rest,
A day you and I
Will never forget,
The people's princess
Who came to see,
The love from a country
We'd hope she'd lead,
England's beauty
Captured in one sweet soul,
Carried the torch
God rest her soul,
With the gift she had
She'd light up the way,
With a smile to show us a brighter day,
Hearts still full
Of the love she gave,
Twenty years since she laid in her grave,
There will never be another like you,
Now a shining star in the midnight sky
I will always remember you,
Princess Diana,
As our sweet nation's rose.
=
I know how to drive a car,
My poetry? It really is well below par.
Silly rhyming couplets, oh so trite,
In the end, this anagram's complete shite!
Unlike Diana, beloved of Sir Elton,
I always put the safety belt on.
Monte Carlo tunnels Mercedes roar through,
Whereas in Paris, France, that's less true.
Now tell, dear Diana...Dodi's child were you with?
By old Greek/Dane hand, harsh revenge to give?
At the wheel, Henri, shitfaced pissed,
Oh, ethereal sweetheart, you're so sorely missed.
Oh, Welsh Wales' biggest loss, you tears deserve,
'Though we'd say, give white Fiat Unos a swerve.
In a flowery island shrine, rest there, hun,
A huge credit to Wills...and to Hewitt's son.
Ellie Dent with:
The following poetry was written in Spanish by the poet Amado Nervo.
LA SOMBRA DEL ALA
Tú que piensas que no creo
cuando argüimos los dos,
no imaginas mi deseo,
mi sed, mi hambre de Dios;
ni has escuchado mi grito
desesperante, que puebla
la entraña de la tiniebla
invocando al Infinito.
=
THE SHADOW OF THE WING
You that imagine I don't believe,
as we remonstrate in a dispute,
do not observe an impassioned desire:
an indescribable quest for God;
Are blind to pain, as man is a masque,
common agonies in a clouded place,
do not hear a querulous plea
I pray, as millions, call on Him.
Tony Crafter with:
While in China, an American man was sexually promiscuous and didn't use condoms while he was there.
A week after arriving home in the States, he woke up one morning to find his manhood covered all over in bright green, blue and red spots.
Horrified, he set off fast to see his doctor.
The practitioner, never having seen anything quite like this before, ordered some tests and told the man to return in three days for the results.
The man returned three days later and the GP said, "I have some rather bad news. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here in the US; we just do not know very much about it."
The man looked perplexed and said, "Right, fair enough, just give me a pill or a shot of something that'll put it right then."
The GP answered bluntly, "I am sorry, but there's no known cure. I'm afraid we'll have to amputate."
The man screamed in horror, "Absolutely not! A hundred million times no! I want a second opinion."
The GP shrugged, "Well, It's your choice. You can do that if you wish, but surgery's really your only option here."
The next day, the man located a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'd know more about the disorder.
The Chinese doctor examined him and then said, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease."
The man replied, "Yes, yes, I already know this; so, what can be done about it? My American GP wants to cut my manhood off!"
The Chinese doctor shook his head and laughed. "Ha! Stupid American dottahs, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!"
"Thank God!" blubbered the man.
"Yes," said the Chinese doctor. "Wait three weeks. Fall off by itself...!"
=
The vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to give thanks for prayers that had been answered.
A woman arose from the end of a pew and walked up to the podium.
"Yes, me," she said, "I have such enormous 'thanks' to offer. Six months ago, my dear husband, Sonny, had a horrific motorbike crash and his scrotum was totally crushed. The injuries were horrendous and the outlook was desolate. The doctors didn't even know if they would be able to help him."
Everyone heard a muted gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the extreme pain that Sonny must have suffered.
"He was in great agony," she lamented, "and was unable to hug me or our children, as every move caused him excruciating pain. His disability was heartbreaking. We all prayed fervently as the doctors performed a really delicate operation and it turned out they were able to piece together the remains of Sonny's brutalised scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."
Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they tried to imagine the extreme surgery that would have been performed on Sonny.
"And now," she ended, her voice wavering with emotion, “my husband is out of hospital and the doctors think that, in time, his crushed scrotum should recover completely. Thanks to the Lord!"
All the men groaned with relief. The vicar rose and hesitantly asked if anyone wanted to add anything else.
A man rose and cautiously hobbled up to the podium. "Hi," he said, "I am Sonny."
The whole congregation held its breath.
"And I just want to tell my wife that the word is 'sternum'."
1st - David Bourke with:
The American First Lady Melania Trump =
"The man I married? Simply a real fat cunt!"
2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The tits of a woman? =
I want some of that!
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
I want some of that! =
A fine, smooth twat.
Adie Pena with:
The most delicious culinary treat?=
Its military heroes could eat cunt!
Brian Taylor with:
The liquid farts =
A squirted filth.
David Bourke with:
After the most spicy Indian curry imaginable =
Criminal aerations by my fatigued sphincter!
David Bourke with:
The Sultan of Brunei =
In-arse, butthole fun!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Disagreeable things =
Bilge, grease and shit.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Stimulating the clitoris =
It's touching it I'll master.
Meyran Kraus with:
Wash toilet =
(We shit a lot.)
Rick Rothstein with:
Fine, hot lad? ~
Find a hotel.
George Missailidis with:
Ruder thinkers =
Under her skirt!
Valery Silivanov with:
As women exist, ~
I want some sex.