1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The librarians =
An irritable "Sh!"
2nd - George Missailidis with:
I once sang ~
a nice song!
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Vegan diets =
Gas evident!
George Missailidis with:
We superheroes ~
use powers here.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Superb ‡
Pure b.s.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Dentist's statement to President: "You need a crown." =
Densest U.S. President tweet: "ATTEND MY CORONATION."
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Reasonable doubts ~
bared no absolutes.
Rosie Perera with:
The university alumni association =
Man, it has lousy reunion activities!
Adie Pena with:
A lone Czech paratrooper =
Zero tolerance approach?
George Missailidis with:
A clever scientist =
I test evil cancers.
View with:
I am a citizen from South France =
A fine fez? Truth is I am Moroccan
Dharam Khalsa with:
Bohemian decor =
Brocade in home.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Distant memories =
Sometimes I'd rant!
George Missailidis with:
Good writer ~
got wordier.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Feelings of nostalgia =
Safest in life long ago
George Missailidis with:
Adults gamble ~
a small budget.
MicAdrian Hickford with:
Medical service =
Miracle devices.
Josiah Winslow with:
Socially awkward =
Walk away, cold sir.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Energy: It's equal to the product of mass and ~
a constant speed of light term you squared.
Valery Silivanov with:
I spend all money ~
and openly smile.
Rosie Perera with:
I dislocated a shoulder =
"Ouch! It's all sore," I added.
Rosie Perera with:
I'm pleased as punch =
Calm happiness due.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Do not cast your pearls before swine =
Fine poetry? Arcane word use to slobs!
Adrian Hickford with:
Walking outdoors =
Looking outwards
View with:
Seduction experts =
Sex is unprotected
Brian Taylor with:
My downstairs tenant =
Strident, nasty woman.
Valery Silivanov with:
Libido can result in people's need to have sex =
Earth's population's exceeded seven billion
George Missailidis with:
The Earth's beings live and rule upon it =
That's our divine greenish-blue planet.
Rick Rothstein with:
An election victory =
Conciliatory event?
Rosie Perera with:
Prevent wildfires =
Tip: never weld firs.
George Missailidis with:
Racist human =
Maniac hurts.
George Missailidis with:
Election victory =
One civic lottery.
Adie Pena with:
The rising hatred in America =
Their racism in their agenda.
George Missailidis with:
Human identity =
Hunt in daytime!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Depression =
I dress? Nope.
Rick Rothstein with:
Non-deterministic chaos =
Intent is random choices
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Non-deterministic chaos ~
is hectic random tension
Ellie Dent with:
Beauty of nature =
Feature a bounty.
Rosie Perera with:
A rather low IQ individual ~
quit viola, ran wild-haired.
Tyler Severance with:
Reminiscing the past =
Trips times change in.
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Persecution of Christianity =
Scientific authority person
Dharam Khalsa with:
Destructive tornadoes ~
rotate in oddest curves!
Rosie Perera with:
Above average temperatures =
Mature beverages evaporate.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A summary execution ‡
Court may examine us
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Utopia by Sir Thomas More =
A memoir about sophistry
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Edouard Manet: 'Self Portraits' =
Painter does do masterful art.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The show Game of Thrones is ending =
The fans might soon see who'd reign.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Mona Lisa, most famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci =
As divine lips could boast of Anagrammy nomination.
View with:
"The Miseducation of Cameron Post" =
Not so shamefaced motion picture!
Ellie Dent with:
'Self-Portrait with Beret', a painting by Rembrandt =
Art trend: probably befitting when a prime artist.
View with:
Prince's album "Originals" =
I - musical pal, born singer.
Meyran Kraus with:
The magicians Penn and Teller =
Manic Gent and a Silent Helper.
George Missailidis with:
Game of Thrones series =
Great sense of heroism!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Game of Thrones ‡
Shortage of men.
David Bourke with:
The Bohemian Rhapsody actress Lucy Diana Boynton =
Chosen to play the rich boy's abandoned Mary Austin
Josiah Winslow with:
Taylor Swift's pop single "ME!" featuring Brendon Urie =
Flowers, a boring pastel uniform...yup, see it trending.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Bill Watterson's cartoon series "Calvin and Hobbes" =
Artist's brain seen behind colossal overblown cat.
Tony Crafter with:
The late singer-turned-actress Doris Day =
This truly adored screen star is negated.
Ellie Dent with:
Oscar-Claude Monet's many Water Lilies paintings =
A dominant, spectacular imagery is still seen now.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Liverpool, Tottenham Hotspur, Arsenal, and Chelsea =
Oh, a Prem lot earn all the TV slots and cash in Europe!
Rosie Perera with:
Guardians of the Galaxy =
Anxious haggard fealty.
Adrian Hickford with:
Sir David Lean's "Brief Encounter" =
Did a train influence observers?
Adie Pena with:
Paul Landowski's Christ the Redeemer =
All knew I did that supreme cross here.
David Bourke with:
The singer Lauren Daigle =
In general, US Adele, right?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Plato's Timaeus =
I am postulates.
Rosie Perera with:
A Chopin sonata =
Ah, acts on piano.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Plotline of The Game of Thrones fantasy series =
Thing so often seen as a metaphor for lifestyle.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Anger, hysteria, mess =
Theresa May resigns.
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Should Trump be impeached? =
A much-disputed problem, eh?
3rd - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. Attorney General William P. Barr =
Trump's lawyer intolerable at hearing.
George Missailidis with:
Western Europe is poor =
i.e. we're not prosperous :(
Christopher Sturdy with:
Original 'Star Wars' Chewbacca Peter Mayhew Dies at 74 =
Awe as we describe a giant character. Why, almost 7'4". RIP
David Bourke with:
A plague on both your houses =
Tory/Lab...huge nauseous pooh!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Labour and the Conservatives =
An EU voter's caned both rivals
George Missailidis with:
A spirit laments a charred ~
master cathedral in Paris.
Julian Lofts with:
Japanese monarchy =
Japan has ceremony.
Rosie Perera with:
Peter Frampton has inclusion body myositis =
I sit imprisoned by an atrophy of muscles. NOT!
Tony Crafter with:
Meghan has given birth to a boy. =
One's right? Having baby at home!
Ellie Dent with:
To Meghan and Harry, a little boy =
Oh, tiny regal male born that day!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The royal birth ~
to blithe Harry.
Rosie Perera with:
The British Monarchy =
Archie's birth: no myth.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The American legend Doris Day, dead at ninety-seven =
As, evidently, He needed a dynamite singer and actor.
David Bourke with:
In the clouds over San Salvador de Jejuy, in Argentina =
"Jesus Christ!" - Andean dago veneration...unrivalled joy!
Rosie Perera with:
Bodexpress, the horse without a jockey =
Joyous hearts broke; who expected this?
richardjfrench with:
Restaurant diner accidentally served up £4,500 bottle of wine=
Lottery drew £4500 Le Pin, c'est fin ...Our Cabernet Sauv.? Add ale tin?
Rosie Perera with:
Medicare for All =
Called more fair
David Bourke with:
The Belgian footballer Vincent Kompany =
The King of all Man City? Not even probable!
Ellie Dent with:
Theresa May to resign? =
Sees a Tory nightmare.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Andrea Leadsom =
Damn a leader so.
Julian Lofts with:
Theresa May to resign =
Eases Tory nightmare.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Theresa May resigns as British Prime Minister =
Rare sympathisers remain, missing her, "It bites!"
Christopher Sturdy with:
Three 'meaningful' votes =
The government fails EU.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Theresa May exits but her Brexit impasse will endure =
Wary expert: Rubbish, it'll extend the same issue, a mire!
David Bourke with:
The impeachment of Donald Trump =
Topple the man...much demand for it!
Rosie Perera with:
The President of America is not above the law =
Woe to free nations! Impeach the evil bastard!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The European Parliament election results ~
unleash populism on a centre-elite retreat
turnip with:
Jared Kushner's Middle East Peace Plan =
Jerusalem ceded? Spank Palestine hard!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"London is not really an English city any more" =
Mainly only an old Cleese ranting on history
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"The case is closed" (Donald Trump) =
To stress "colluded" and "impeach"
FatPhil with:
"LONDON: Theresa May to resign" ~
notes Iron Lady throne games
View with:
Netanyahu welcomes Kushner to Jerusalem =
Jews salute Uncle Sam, honor the rum Yankee
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Victoria is Queen, and Albert her Prince Consort =
Quite active as procreators; nine children born!
2nd (eq) - Meyran Kraus with:
The USA President Donald Trump =
Put on rumpled ties and red hats.
2nd (eq) - Josiah Winslow with:
Attorney General William Barr =
A terrible or malignant lawyer.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
President Nicolas Maduro =
Despotism can do a ruler in.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Gavin Alexander Williamson =
An axed lawgiver's all I'm in on
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor =
Our newborn monarchist, a distant heir
richardjfrench with:
Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor =
Born minted, chin out. A hero in Star Wars.
Ellie Dent with:
Archie Mountbatten-Windsor =
His name, and tribute to crown.
Josiah Winslow with:
Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor =
Dear son I turn to a new British monarch.
Josiah Winslow with:
Archie Mountbatten-Windsor =
Britain, that crown's due on me!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor =
Britain has a new horrid monster count.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor =
What a horrid name. "Nobs!", I utter in scorn.
Rosie Perera with:
Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor =
Our son's name (born intact, with red hair).
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Master Archie =
Star heir came.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Master Archie =
Star heir came
Ellie Dent with:
Master Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor =
With an American-born mother (starred on Suits).
Jesse Frankovich with:
Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor =
A handsome runt, heir to Britain's crown.
Adie Pena with:
The magicians Penn & Teller =
Ace men; sharp & intelligent.
Ellie Dent with:
Late movie star Doris Day =
Days over, I am laid to rest.
View with:
Giannis Antetokounmpo =
I'm an outspoken giant, no?
Valery Silivanov with:
Dany Targaryen =
Grade-A tyranny
Valery Silivanov with:
Kim Il-Sung, a leader ~
making ideal rules.
Brian Taylor with:
Alan Moore =
Roam Alone.
David Bourke with:
The F1 racing driver Andreas Nikolaus Lauda =
Austrian 'Rush' daredevil. (And lacking of 1 ear!)
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Chancellor Sebastian Kurz =
Hell beckons Austrian czar.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Moses on Mount Sinai ~
is ominous stone man
Dharam Khalsa with:
US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi =
You sense speech slur in a fake photo.
1st - View with:
Flat Earth Society =
Hey, it's total farce!
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
University of Salford =
I overstudy for finals.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
American Right-Wingers =
Christian war emerging.
Rosie Perera with:
Limbic-predominant Age-related TDP-43 Encephalopathy =
Ah, problem: Pappy had dementia. At 43, concerned I'll get it.
George Missailidis with:
Latest iPhones =
Ah, so pestilent!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The British Dyslexia Association =
I say text inhibits school as I read.
George Missailidis with:
The Periodic Table of Elements =
Notice piled atoms be left here.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Periodic Table of Elements =
Before the climate's depletion.
MicAdrian Hickford with:
Traditional Chinese Medicine =
Alchemies indicated in Orient.
Josiah Winslow with:
The Periodic Table of Elements =
Debate of incomplete list here!
Jesse Frankovich with:
The Attorney General of the United States =
One feels that gent there is an utter toady.
Rosie Perera with:
American Right-Wingers =
Scarier nightmare wing.
Rosie Perera with:
American Right-Wingers =
Withering anger, racism.
Rosie Perera with:
Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America =
Someone condemn armed maniacs firing at us!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Broca's and Wernicke's areas ~
work as a brain scan decrees
Rosie Perera with:
Fox News anchors ‡
frown on sex, cash.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
European Parliament =
Appear to rule in name
Ellie Dent with:
America's Boston Museum of Fine Arts =
Offers curios in a tomb as amusement.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Plato's Timaeus =
I am postulates.
Valery Silivanov with:
Dolly, a freaky clone, ~
looked really fancy.
View with:
Mount Everest, Nepal =
Men venture at slope.
Adie Pena with:
Boeing Commercial Airplanes =
Problems can roil a nice image.
Tony Crafter with:
Lynx Dry Black Aerosol Anti-Perspirant for Men =
Excellent spray-on brand for rank, oily armpits.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Mossman-Pacey paradox =
No sexy sperm at a macho pad.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Flat Earth Society =
The false atrocity!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Adele's three largest hits (According to 'Billboard'):
1. Rolling in the Deep
2. Someone Like You
3. Hello
=
1. Singer telling her bloke he coulda had it all
2. Somebody's regret
3. Lionel Richie not too pleased!
2nd - Julian Lofts with:
HBO has transmuted the American novelist George Martin's fantasy title "A Song of Ice and Fire" ~
into a TV series “Game of Thrones”, featuring carnal themes, dragons, combat, death, life, insanity....
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Restaurant diner accidentally served up a £4,500 bottle of wine=
A nice treat, and its flavour would be decent! I rarely spent £40-50!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Quincentenary celebrations of Leonardo da Vinci's death ~
can circle to a quote: "Art is never finished, only abandoned."
Christopher Davis with:
Whitewashing report will abruptly trigger dogmatism. =
" I’m trying to grapple with the word 'suggest' " -William Barr
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
William P. Barr, Attorney General of the United States of America ~
greatly empowers an infantile dictator to be as the Mafia ruler
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex by Charles Darwin =
An eminent science text hands on bloodlines' hereditary-factor laws
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Victorians: Twelve Titans who Forged Britain by Jacob Rees-Mogg =
Doting-big-Tory-rebel-nitwit reams of abject Conservative hogwash
View with:
U.S. troop move to Middle East dangerous for international peace =
"Visit of America" proposes damage to all. No, not needed! Return! OUT!
Adie Pena with:
The three cities that have been jointly named as the world’s most expensive: Paris, Singapore, and Hong Kong
=
She enjoys the entertainment and the shopping, likes good spirits, and he welcomes extravagant behavior.
Rosie Perera with:
The American Association of People with Disabilities =
I oppose static limitation. Bodies safe in a wheelchair!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"I had nothing to do with Russia helping me to get elected" =
The aid Trump gets to win high goal? He does not decline it!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Ahem, the headline story brags the troublesome fact: ~
"The Flat Earth Society Has Members Around the Globe".
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Every moment of light and dark is a miracle."
— Walter Whitman
=
Marvels:
Day
Tree
Man
Woman
Child
Artwork
Night
A lifetime
1st - Tony Crafter with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
"Our formula for success? Persistence and luck, a lovely, harmonic girl duo, a terrific array of fabulous new songs, and you can't lose. Yes, the winner takes it all!" - Abba.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
"Fellow angry RepublicanS,
As I frown and brag to yoU,
I am...oh...clearly terrifiC,
Likeable and fantastiC!
Unless you fluctuatE,
Revoke, or harasS...
Enormous succesS!" - Don
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career." - Niki Lauda =
Aha! Looks like Robert Mueller's notorious and duly bureaucratic investigation for years concerning any offenses of law by Trump was all a successful charade!
Rosie Perera with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
Could y'all (Americans) learn from the flub of voting for that cocky useless racist ass? Surely you're "tired of winning" a brawl. Because us onlookers up in Canada are.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
"A child must suffer"
"Kill innocence"
"Play can encourage worry"
"As a result our brains are wired to focus on fear"
A school ranking system is all about 'value'
by Ofsted
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
Famous Austrian Formula One car driver talking so soberly about fulfilling use of easy but chancy wins and poor yet crucial losses on race track and elsewhere
David Bourke with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure
and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your
private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
David Bourke calls all beaten Anagrammy Award losers,
announces his only surefire, foolproof useful tactic
necessary to win: By curtailing The Kraus, of course!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
A big funny sign near office: "Elevator to success is broken. Use stairs...walk up one floor at a time." Also, don't rush! Climb carefully, and you can all reach your rewards.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
Accolades go on celebrating our late Awardsmaster, Larry's fruitful years of achievement as I look back.
'Funny', 'prolific', 'wordy', 'unusual', 'absolute nonsense!' :-)
Chris
Adie Pena with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
Following sorry failures, a famous Fab Four sure was lucky! GET BACK, audacious critics! Nope, ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE! Lennon, McCartney, Harrison and Starr...The Beatles!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
"If at first you don't succeed, lack a bankroll or resources, be a manager--one all can honour!" -
Famous Oprah Winfrey
Successful Bill Gates
True visionary Walt Disney
David Bourke with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda =
"Resign? Categorically never! Democracy calls! I'll take us back out of the European Union." - furious Theresa May. (Corbyn's Labour sniffs a disastrous new dawn for all.)
Rosie Perera with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
Overall, I'm a smart guru. Yes, I'll counsel or warn luckless cooks (ones who'd burn a banana) about succeeding at a recipe: "If at first you don't fricassee, fry, fry a hen." LOL!
George Missailidis with:
From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career. - Niki Lauda.=
Fun, noble, sacrosanct lesson:
Measure your self-knowing success by what you had to soulfully learn, craft, give, break up or sacrifice, in order to earn it. - Dalai Lama.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
A man's blurb: "A secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made!"
I frown and use his burning soulful look. All crap, really--so far, no real reward!
Ellie Dent with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career." - Niki Lauda.
=
No work, or luck, or brass? Recall our suave man W. C. Fields' unusual reproach:
"If at first you don't succeed - all aims fail - try, try again. Then cease. No sense being a b****y fool."
Christopher Sturdy with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career." - Niki Lauda.
=
It's all about thinking for yourself (or being unusually lucky)
- accept offers of advice;
- be calm and serious;
- don't worry or assume.
Each race I ran was a lesson learnt.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
"Any aim of success is not very far;
No need to search for a lucky star.
By fluke, our duo will win,
As long as Russia can begin
To foul all democrats there are!"
- Republican
Meyran Kraus with:
"From success, you learn absolutely nothing. From failure and setbacks conclusions can be drawn. That goes for your private life as well as your career" - Niki Lauda
=
You'll secure all Number One Blockbusters if you produce:
- A colorful Avatar
- A story's Endgame
- Titanic's surreal loss
- A Force which Awakens
- An Infinity of dangers.
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Industrialist and the Fisherman
(based on "Timeless Simplicity" by John Lane)
The rich industrialist was horrified to find a fisherman lying comfortably beside his boat soaking in the warm afternoon sun, smoking a pipe.
"Why aren’t you out fishing?" asked the industrialist.
"I’ve caught enough fish for one day," said the fisherman.
"Why don’t you catch some more?" queried the rich man.
"What would I do with them?" asked the fisherman.
"You would sell them to make some money," said the intruder. "Then you could buy a new motor for your boat and go into deeper waters to catch more fish.
~
With initiative, you could buy some nylon nets and catch more fish to earn money. Soon you'd amass enough money for another efficient boat, or two similar boats,
or equip a big fleet of commercial ships, catch more fish, and stash high, HIGH sums of money! You would be a smart, wealthy man like me!"
"But, why? What would I do then?" the fisherman asked the irritating man.
The rather depressed industrialist answered, in disdain, "Hush, kid! Trust me. Then, you could retire, sit back, and enjoy the rest of your life!"
"Oh? And what do you think I'm doing right now?" replied the satisfied fisherman.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Rebecca Bobbitt, a female CNN journalist, had heard about this devout old Jewish man who'd been commuting to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day for a long time and she decided that she must seize the chance to check him out.
The following day, she went out to the Western Wall and there was the old man, shuffling along slowly with his walking-stick, to the Holy site.
She looked on while he prayed and after about an hour, as he turned to leave, she suddenly approached him.
"Pardon me, sir," she smiled, "I'm Rebecca Bobbitt from CNN. What is your name?"
"Menachem Bernstein," he responded.
"And how long have you been coming here to pray at the Western Wall, Mr Bernstein?" she asked him.
"Ages. About sixty years, I reckon."
"Huh? Sixty years? That is unbelievable! And what do you pray for?"
"Me? Heck, I pray for peace between the Christians, the Jews and the Muslims.
"I pray for all the wars and the hatred to be halted forthwith.
"I pray that our children might grow up in safety as responsible, dignified adults, and that they'll love their fellow man."
"Okay," she nodded, "and how do you feel after doing this for sixty years?"
"Like I'm talking to a frigging wall."
=
A guy went into a bar and ordered a shot. Jeff, the bartender, gave it to him, and he swallowed it in one go, wiping his mouth with his sleeve and scowling aggressively.
“Wow, you do not appear happy!" said Jeff. "So, what’s worrying you, pal?”
The man sighed, then asked for another shot. As Jeff poured, the man gazed out the window and said: “See that wall over there? See it? It spans from here to the next town. I built that wall brick by brick with my bare hands, sixteen years ago. Do they call me MacFay the Wall Builder? No.” He picked up the drink and swallowed it in one effortless swig.
Signalling for another, he went on: “See that colossal church away down there? It's the largest for twenty miles. I built it with my bare hands. Do they call me MacFay the Church Builder? No.” He sank the shot.
The bartender could see he was in a very unhappy place and poured him another drink.
“See all those homes out there?" the man exclaimed, "I built them too. Brick by brick, with my bare hands. Do they call me MacFay the Home Builder? No.”
The man cradled his glass for a moment, then finally closed his eyes in desolation and muttered under his breath...
“But you f**k ONE goat...”
3rd - Adie Pena with:
10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
1. Infidelity
2. Money
3. Lack of communication
4. Constant arguing
5. Weight gain
6. Unrealistic expectations
7. Lack of intimacy
8. Lack of equality
9. Not being prepared for marriage
10. Abuse
=
1. Working late? Crock!
2. Forgive? You spent it all!
3. Fears unacceptable criticism?
4. Concocting a story again!
5. Do I look fat?
6. Bluffing? You said 10 inches!
7. Inadequate sex!
8. I am earning more!
9. No commitment.
10. For momentary pain?
Ellie Dent with:
A THINKING JOKE:
See if YOU can follow this fiendish saga.
These two men met at a bus stop and struck up an interesting conversation.
One of them kept complaining of his family problems.
Finally, the other man sighed and said sadly: "So you think you have family problems?
Listen to my situation:
A few years ago I happened to meet this young widow who had a grown-up daughter.
Well, we got married and thus I got myself a stepdaughter.
Later, my father wed my stepdaughter.
That made my stepdaughter my stepmother.
And so my father, Bob, became my stepson.
Also, my wife became the mother-in-law of her father-in-law.
And much later, the daughter of my wife, who was my stepmother, herself had a son.
~
This boy, Jack, a total nut, was my half-brother 'cause he was my Pop's son. Gee, you get it?! OK.
But he was also the son - a tattooed, uncultivated one! - of my wife's daughter Kitty,
which made him my wife's grandson.
That made me aggravatingly, the *grandfather (see footnote) of my half-brother. Dumbfounded? Me too. Keep up, people!
Then my wife Agatha and I, at a late age, had one son, Reggie... plump, unanticipated. Allelulia!
Now, the half-sister of my son,
my stepmother, is also the grandmother.
This makes my father, brother-in-law of my child,
whose stepsister is my Dad's wife.
I am my stepmother's brother-in-law,
my wife's her own child's auntie,
and my son is my father's nephew.
*Me? I end up, gulp... my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
New Medical Dictionary:
Artery – The study of paintings
Bacteria – Back door to a cafeteria
Barium – What doctors do when patients die
Benign – What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section – A neighborhood in Rome
Cat Scan – Searching for the kitty
Cauterize – Made eye contact with a female patient
Colic – A breed of sheep dog
Coma – A punctuation mark (of consciousness)
Dilate – To live long
Enema – Not your friend
Fester – Quicker than someone else
Fibula – A small lie
Impotent – Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain – Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff – A doctor’s cane
Morbid – A higher offer
Nitrates – Rates of pay for working nights, normally more money than days
Node – Past tense of knew
Outpatient – A person who has fainted
Pelvis – Second cousin to Elvis
Postoperative – A letter carrier
Recovery Room – Place to do upholstery
Rectum – Nearly killed him
Secretion – Hiding something
Seizure – An alcoholic Roman emperor
Tablet – A small table
Terminal Illness – Getting sick at the airport
Tumor – One plus one more
Urine – Opposite of you’re out
=
Acupuncture - Enter a new User Pin
Antrum - Booze for the insect
Bowel - A,E,I,O,U (and Y)
Bunion - Tall tale in folklore era
Carcinogen - Any food I eat in the hospital cafeteria
Cardiologist - An educated poker player
Castrate - Going ortho price to set a fracture
Coronary - Golden-yellow domestic bird
Cystogram - Telegram to sister
Diarrhea - Handwritten notebook of daily events
Eyedropper - Incompetent opthalmologist
Fibrillate - Deceitful lie after a heart attack
Hangnail - What you hang your suit coat on
Haemorrhoid - Should be 'asteroid'
Lactose - Patient found to be missing digits on a foot
Liposuction - A dynamic kiss
Lymph - A clumsy walk
Mammogram - Telegram sent home to Mother
Microbe - Dr. Michael's outfit
Pacemaker - To tighten up footsteps
Pokémon - Practitioner who drained an inflamed abscess
Protein - In favor of teenagers
Saline - Where our physician went on weekends on his huge boat
Semen - Sailors
Tranquilizer - Prescribe them to the nervous man's wife
Testicle - Try a tickle (an offense)
Varicose - Nearby
Vein - Conceited
Christopher Sturdy with:
Gareth Johnson
Craig Tracey
Eddie Hughes
Alberto Costa
George Eustice
Sarah Newton
Paul Masterton
Richard Harrington
Steve Brine
Alistair Burt
Nigel Adams
Chris Heaton-Harris
The Lord Bates
Gavin Williamson
The Baroness Fairhead of Yarm
The Baroness Manzoor
Andrea Leadsom
=
A list of tories in a rush to resign
A la two thousand-nineteen
European aggravation
Disgraced a nation
A crash, no cash,
As morons clash.
Amazed at her hubris,
Embarrassed to be British.
A highly arrogant,
Abject government
Theresa May's terrible record...
High time leader fell on her sword.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
I have a Bird in spring
Which for myself doth sing-
The spring decoys.
And as the summer nears-
And as the Rose appears,
Robin is gone.
Yet do I not repine
Knowing that Bird of mine
Though flown-
Learneth beyond the sea
Melody new for me
And will return.
Fast in a safer hand
Held in a truer Land
Are mine-
And though they now depart,
Tell I my doubting heart
They're thine.
In a serener Bright,
In a more golden light
I see
Each little doubt and fear,
Each little discord here
Removed.
Then will I not repine,
Knowing that Bird of mine
Though flown
Shall in a distant tree
Bright melody for me
Return.
[Emily Dickinson]
=
The Ode On How That Bird May Aid
Spring mirth can be a feast for every sense
On morning walks, in really early light:
Northeastern air, with odors bald and dense;
Glad dahlias in a row, their hue too bright.
But no mere dandelion mattered here -
I'll only truly note that group of fliers
Refining notes with levity and cheer,
Debuting artfully one winged desire.
And when I wait there for my sun to climb,
The din enrobing me in stellar surges,
Deep pondering can find another rhyme
And I can heed the poem that emerges;
When hiking in the fields did not inspire,
No mob's more helpful than that makeshift choir.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
THE END OF MAY
by Katharine Lee Bates
The fragrant air is full of down,
Of floating, fleecy things
From some forgotten fairy town
Where all the folk wear wings.
Or else the snowflakes, soft arrayed
In dainty suits of lace,
Have ventured back in masquerade,
Spring's festival to grace.
Or these, perchance, are fleets of fluff,
Laden with rainbow seeds,
That count their cargo rich enough
Though all its wealth be weeds.
Or come they from the golden trees,
Where dancing blossoms were,
That now are drifting on the breeze,
Sweet ghosts of gossamer?
=
THE END OF MAY
Theresa thought she had it made,
Hustling with effort No. One.
Every fiscal follower wasn't swayed;
Endeavors are somehow never done.
Using new wagers she tacitly shared,
Rectifying her effort No. Two.
Often black wolf fangs are bared,
Pissed off like shrews in a zoo.
Equating her haggle to a stalemate,
Affecting growth of effort No. Three.
Neighbors might detect it's great
Unless the lawmakers disagree.
Now listen to the collector's chorus
If you really think he can.
Our screwball member Fat Boris
Needs a far better off plan.
3rd - David Bourke with:
'50 Ways to Leave Your Lover' by Paul Simon
The problem is all inside your head, she said to me,
The answer is easy if you take it logically,
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free,
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover.
She said it's really not my habit to intrude,
For the more I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued,
So I repeat myself, at the risk of being cruel,
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover,
Fifty ways to leave your lover.
Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan,
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.
Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan,
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain,
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again,
I said, I appreciate that, then would you please explain about the fifty ways.
She said, why don't we both just sleep on it tonight,
And I believe, in the morning you'll begin to see the light,
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right,
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover,
Fifty ways to leave your lover.
Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan,
Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much,
Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.
=
'50 Ways To Wake Your Sleepy Owner' by the cat
Boy, I've had enough of lousy kibble,
Some salmon fillets, they'd be nice,
Yet I'm locked out of the kitchen,
For bringing presents of dead mice,
Haven't roused the staff from bed this week,
(Ok, just the once or twice!)
And there's fifty easy ways to wake your lazy owner.
I feel blue and I shan't tolerate this bad behaviour any more,
I'll usually curl one out, to signal my displeasure, on the floor,
The unsavoury stench wakes them jerks up,
Then they just open the bedroom door!
Yes, the fifty ways to wake your layabout owner.
Scratch at the door, Thor,
Enjoy a dump on the bed, Ned,
Sit on their head, don't budge, Smudge,
Keep up y'all, obey me!
Hey, lick on the nose, Mose,
Lacerate one foot, Soot,
Set out to injure, Ginger,
Just listen to me!
A sweet little pussy has plenty possible options, at paw,
Some playful, some malevolent, every time, fishy food to score,
Instinctively inventive jolly japes...subtle, devious guile, and more,
So study these fifty ways!
The decapitated bird, I find, may cause nauseated screams,
Or savage talons to the tackle, interrupting pleasant dreams,
Vomiting up a furball, vile indoors marking, so it seems...
So, you just cherish these fifty naughty ways!
Bite the puppy, or tot, Spot,
Try two (or three) licks, Felix,
I'd suggest kitty jiu-jitsu, Boo,
Ha! Tee hee hee!
Just bring in a mouse, Klaus,
Do a few piddles, Tiddles,
Guess that should be enough, Fluff,
You'll enjoy dinner, believe you me!
Tony Crafter with:
MONA LISA
The 'Fifties hit by Nat King Cole
Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa, men have named you
You're so like the lady with the mystic smile
Is it only 'cause you're lonely they have blamed you?
For that Mona Lisa strangeness in your smile?
Do you smile to tempt a lover, Mona Lisa?
Or is this your way to hide a broken heart?
Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep
They just lie there and they die there
Are you warm, are you real, Mona Lisa?
Or just a cold and lonely lovely work of art?
(Instrumental break)
Do you smile to tempt a lover, Mona Lisa?
Or is this your way to hide a broken heart?
Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep
They just lie there and they die there
Are you warm, are you real, Mona Lisa?
Or just a cold and lonely lovely work of art?
Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa
=
MOANER LISA
By
Forever Jobless Kev (Rather a loafer)
Moaner Lisa, Moaner Lisa, I shall name you,
Alas, that's all you do eternally;
Every time you need a handy male to blame, you
Always shoot your moral arrows straight at me.
Do you think I miss that toilet bowl on purpose?
You know my aim's not too good in the dark!
And if I leave my Y-Fronts on a table,
They just lay there, and decay there.
Would it harm you to remove them, Moaner Lisa?
Don't you realise that they'll not soak themselves?
You are jealous every time I go out drinkin',
Hell, I only see my buddies once a night,
I am sorry you rise early for your day job,
But stop cryin', when I lie in.
(a day later)
I am hurt, alas, in the rectal area,
Ooh, there's a broomstick rammed up where the sun don't shine.
Don't you love me, Moaner Lisa?
Dharam Khalsa with:
Dusk in June
by Sara Teasdale
Evening, and all the birds
In a chorus of shimmering sound
Are easing their hearts of joy
For miles around.
The air is blue and sweet,
The few first stars are white,--
Oh let me like the birds
Sing before night.
=
June Day
See butterflies in the air
Like fairies kissing flowers;
In shade, the fireflies rest
To glimmer in later hours.
A man strums his banjo on a veranda;
He could be a grandfather--
His garden needs weeding,
But it's hot, so why bother?
Ellie Dent with:
This is a version of an English translation of Rabindranath Tagore’s poem
entitled “MANASI”
YOU woman, you are not a creation of God alone,
It is man who made you what you are
by infusing beauty on to you from his heart.
The poets sit and spin, create your apparel with golden threads.
By attributing new glory to you, the artists have made your
image immortal.
How many colours, how many aromas and jewels are on display?
~
A sea bestows pearls; gold, too the outlay from a mine,
Warmth in a May garden moves to impart buoyant flowers,
Insects inject life into 'lac' to stain your feet.
By imparting shyness, by dressing you up, adorning you with veils,
they honoured you, made a paragon to hide.
A burning desire that throws a shadow on your womanhood.
In reality, I see YOU, note a portrayal: half a woman,
the other, an aura, a mortal man's imagination.
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Sneaky picture =
Can eye up skirt
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Home enema kits ~
make one (me!) shit.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Excessive masturbation? =
Must obtain a sex service!
Christopher Sturdy with:
How do I sleep at night? =
Poo, wee and hit lights.
View with:
Sexual attraction =
An exact lust ratio
Christopher Sturdy with:
The British Royal Family =
A shitty, horrible family
Rosie Perera with:
"Excuse me; I farted" =
A fume is excreted.
Valery Silivanov with:
Theon Greyjoy! ~
Enjoy the orgy!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Excuse me; I farted =
Ease fixed rectum.
Adie Pena with:
Matching libidos =
Do a smiling bitch.
Tony Crafter with:
HEALTH WARNING: Don't ever fart in a spacesuit =
I've heard that one risen waft can strip a lung!
Adie Pena with:
Prolong that erection =
Go retool ten-inch part!