1st - Ellie Dent with:
A loyal dog =
A good ally.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Failed miserably =
My life is real bad.
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
To the winners go the spoils =
Losers see pot with nothing.
Adie Pena with:
Medicinal boom =
Me? I am on CBD oil.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Why don't you wear more clothes? =
Yes, warmth when you're too cold.
Colleen Parkin with:
Is anything real? =
Any Earthling is!
Dharam Khalsa with:
What might someone call a sleepwalking nun? Of course,
~
(go guess)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
the female's a Roamin' Catholic (well-known pun!)
Dharam Khalsa with:
What do you put in a gift basket? =
How about fat an' pudgy kitties?
Ellie Dent with:
The great unwashed =
What, the dungarees??!
Ellie Dent with:
A loyal dog =
A good ally.
George Missailidis with:
This girl's fine =
Is she flirting?
George Missailidis with:
A lovely garden =
Legendary oval.
George Missailidis with:
Life isn't great, I note? =
It is a rotten feeling.
George Missailidis with:
Good taste ‡
To eat dogs.
George Missailidis with:
My behind launches a fart ~
after I had my beans lunch!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Most errant =
Not smarter.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Fruits and vegetables =
Fed us serving at table.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Care heals ~
real aches.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Rainbow flags =
LGBT fashion-wear.
Meyran Kraus with:
Failed miserably =
My life is real bad.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A journey around the globe =
Jet lag: you harboured none?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Living inside a goldfish bowl ~
is holding global views, I find
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder =
Dreary old critics insist on praises!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
To the winners go the spoils =
Losers see pot with nothing
Rosie Perera with:
Asylum seekers ~
lurk; seems easy.
Rosie Perera with:
My Spotify playlist =
My tip is: play softly!
Rosie Perera with:
"Your shopping cart is empty" =
My pop is trying to purchase.
Rosie Perera with:
The human who is called "certifiably insane" =
Ah, should be in newish mental care facility.
Rosie Perera with:
Drink offers again? =
Asking for a friend.
Rosie Perera with:
Eager parents deliver ~
gender reveal parties.
Tony Crafter with:
Virtue signalling =
U R a snivelling git.
Tyler Severance with:
Bedtime story =
Body rest time!
Tyler Severance with:
On city grounds ‡
In God's country.
Tyler Severance with:
It's fire season =
See if it's arson.
View with:
Heart disease patients =
Aspirin eased the state.
1st - View with:
Disney's 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' =
They noted hideous Frenchman's back.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'Through The Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There' =
Oh, how the haunting tale of Carroll thus engaged kids.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Lionel Richie song 'Stuck On You' =
Oh shit, our connection's like... gluey.
Adie Pena with:
George Harrison's "I Me Mine" =
Song airing memories here.
Adie Pena with:
Joaquin Rafael Phoenix role is Arthur Fleck =
Extra fine as "Joker," a colorful, hip harlequin.
Adrian Hickford with:
Italian composer Ennio Morricone =
One proclamation: "I score in E minor!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
Hayao Miyazaki's award-winning film, "Spirited Away" =
Kid pal (or I) find his anime art is way, way, way amazing!
Ellie Dent with:
Monet's 'Woman with a Parasol - Madame Monet and Her Son' =
'La Promenade': So, moment that Mama is shown on a wander.
Ellie Dent with:
'Through The Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There' =
Oh, how the haunting tale of Carroll thus engaged kids.
George Missailidis with:
The Transcendental Études by Liszt =
Test: it needs ten crazy bullet-hands!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Divine, noble, wiser Aslan =
Beloved in Lewis's Narnia.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
For the Record by David Cameron =
Do read for my verdict on breach
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Brexit's gallant leer =
Bellatrix Lestrange
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Coleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy =
Crony here annoyed over bad leak
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil =
Movie fails film screen test
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Washington Nationals =
Tale has not a winning host
Rosie Perera with:
HGTV - Home and Garden Television =
Having them renovate old design.
Tony Crafter with:
The Lionel Richie song 'Stuck On You' =
Oh shit, our connection's like... gluey.
Tyler Severance with:
IT came from outer space =
Impact of some creature.
View with:
The documentary series "Our Planet" =
Oh my! Nature's creatures' depletion!
View with:
Disney's 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' =
They noted hideous Frenchman's back.
1st - Ellie Dent with:
A climate change protester =
Greta: "Another ice cap melts!"
2nd - David Bourke with:
Brexit stalemate =
Extra timetables.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Turks invade ~
native Kurds.
Adie Pena with:
The expulsion of Boris =
Is Brexit so hopeful? No.
Adie Pena with:
Whistleblower =
WH blew it. Loser.
Adie Pena with:
PM Boris' extension =
Some spin on Brexit?
Adrian Hickford with:
Donald Trump's tweets =
"Let's put ten mad words!"
David Bourke with:
Brexit stalemate =
Extra timetables.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Octoberfest celebrations =
A nice cost for beer bottles.
Ellie Dent with:
A climate change protester =
Greta: "Another ice cap melts!"
George Missailidis with:
It's a huge problem. ~
Gee, abolish Trump!
George Missailidis with:
A protest on climate change =
A chance I'm to go plant trees.
Jesse Frankovich with:
A perfect phone call to Ukraine =
I encounter the peak of all crap.
John Murray with:
October here, i.e. ~
cheerio to beer!
John Murray with:
Bulgaria's chants =
Banal, racist gush
John Murray with:
Boris' deal =
Broad lies
Meyran Kraus with:
Turks invade ~
native Kurds.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Operation Midland ‡
Mind not paedo liar!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Doing a deal on the Single Market and Customs Union =
No gain to United Kingdom ends a clueless marathon
Rosie Perera with:
Let me tell you, I'm only interested in corruption. =
One utterly ironic line Trump, so lonely, emitted.
Rosie Perera with:
Trump has a meltdown at White House meeting =
We mute his tantrum when he got mad at Pelosi.
Rosie Perera with:
Donald Trump: a two-term president? =
Warren plummeted to distant drop.
Rosie Perera with:
NASA's historic all-female spacewalk =
As all air-women shall face epic tasks.
Rosie Perera with:
Mass extinction =
Man cites toxins.
Rosie Perera with:
Putting up some Haunted House decorations =
Used caution tape, neon ghost, hideous Trump.
Tony Crafter with:
The Extinction Rebellion protests hit London again =
Hated loons intent on exploiting British tolerance.
View with:
Trump's Syria fiasco =
Must pay for a crisis
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The heptathlete Katarina Mary Johnson-Thompson =
Thanks to her major talent, the home nation's happy!
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
President Trump of the USA =
The famous putrid serpent.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Trump's poor cronies =
Moronic supporters.
Adie Pena with:
Mr. Putin's ~
sin: Trump.
Adie Pena with:
I name Donald Trump a ~
damned manipulator.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Eliud Kipchoge ‡
"Gulp." i.e. I choked.
David Bourke with:
Katie Louise McGlynn =
Some unlikely acting!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Peter Navarro =
Errata proven.
Ellie Dent with:
Mr Edgar Poe =
Regard poem.
Ellie Dent with:
The late RIP Taylor =
Oh, rarely apt title :(.
George Missailidis with:
Architect I. M. Pei =
Epic arithmetic.
George Missailidis with:
The naturally apt artiste Van Gogh - I see ~
this guy's not at all the average painter!
Jesse Frankovich with:
President Trump of the USA =
Stupidest human to prefer.
Jesse Frankovich with:
President Trump of the USA =
The famous putrid serpent.
John Murray with:
Manchester United's Ole Gunnar Solskjaer =
In a nutshell - Reds' joke manager. Cue snorts.
Julian Lofts with:
Trump's an idiot =
Mr Disputation.
Meyran Kraus with:
Trump's poor cronies =
Moronic supporters.
Meyran Kraus with:
The singer and songwriter Enya =
New Age siren trying hard notes.
Micah Newman with:
Greta Thunberg =
Green Truth gab.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Greta Tintin Eleonora Ernman Thunberg =
GREEN (to not let an Earth remain burning)
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
World's fastest marathon runner, Eliud Kipchoge =
First chap under two-hour mark, sent on ideal legs
Rosie Perera with:
Presidential Candidate Elizabeth Warren =
An able leader and dear citizen with esprit.
Tony Crafter with:
The heptathlete Katarina Mary Johnson-Thompson =
Thanks to her major talent, the home nation's happy!
View with:
The news reporter Courtney Kube =
NBC network. Eye her true posture.
1st - Rosie Perera with:
North American Scrabble Players Association =
That is, many are barbaric spellers on occasion.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The online social media platform Facebook =
Kind of fails to be a cool place - ain't Mom here?
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Washington, District of Columbia =
Its buildings form a chaotic town.
Adie Pena with:
I'm a damn liar, this old manipulator out for ~
Trump National Doral Miami, South Florida.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Outer Banks of NC, "Graveyard of the Atlantic" =
Very functional craft had got broken at sea.
Ellie Dent with:
National Grandparents Day =
As I let Nan/Grandad party on!
Ellie Dent with:
The Newest SILVERADO! =
It's one 'wheels' advert.
Jesse Frankovich with:
The Congressional Record =
A screed's long on rhetoric.
John Murray with:
A Yodel driver =
Road delivery.
Meyran Kraus with:
The online social media platform Facebook =
Kind of fails to be a cool place - ain't Mom here?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The International Federation of Gymnastics =
That trained fans of elastic energy in motion.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Washington, District of Columbia =
Its buildings form a chaotic town
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Great Britain and Northern Ireland =
Nation handling trade-barrier rent
Rosie Perera with:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder =
It's scary or a crisis in old president.
Rosie Perera with:
North American Scrabble Players Association =
That is, many are barbaric spellers on occasion.
Rosie Perera with:
International Federation of Gymnastics =
If I falter an' sit dying on a mat, no "ten" score.
Rosie Perera with:
The Society Promoting Environmental Conservation ~
are moving to "no plastics" in the city. No! Not! Never more!
Tony Crafter with:
The Lady Lay nudist Beach in Sydney, NSW, Australia =
"We stay in this sandy bay - naturally," said nude lech.
View with:
Toyota Copen GR Sport =
Got one top sporty car.
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ten Benefits of Having a Dog:
1. Love
2. Happiness
3. Cuddles
4. Alarm clock
5. Home security
6. Bed warmer
7. Family
8. Laughs
9. Loyalty
10. BFF
=
For a Dog:
1. A meal
2. Walks, frolics
3. Belly rub by hand
4. Pee timing
5. Safety
6. Hot sleep haven
7. Clan
8. Chum's voice
9. Farm duty
10. Dog's Life!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Things Women look for in a Man
1. Confidence
2. Ambition
3. Sense of humour
4. Passion
5. Intelligence
6. Sociability
7. Attentiveness
=
Things I look for in a Woman
1. Beauty
2. Innocence
3. Good sense
4. Tolerance
5. Is feminine (No feminists!)
6. Tact
7. Slim, hot, lives in a pub!
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
President Trump's Routine
10:35: Get up
11:05: Breakfast burger
12:00-13:30: Listen to FOX, take the opinions down
14:00: Offend random ally
14:20: Lunch burger
=
15:10: Get Russian orders
15:30: Media Chopper Talk!
21:10: Dinner burger
21:30: Shout at mob in rally
04:10: Tweet perplexing stuff
04:30: Nod off on Nuke Button.
Adie Pena with:
President Donald Trump's latest blunders:
1. Ukraine
2. Doral
3. Syria
=
1. Dauntless liar
2. Dumb landlord's presentation
3. Risky departure.
David Bourke with:
The businesswoman from California, Jennifer Marie Arcuri =
A winter career failure...I'm Boris Johnson's American muffin!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Ten Benefits of Having a Dog:
1. Love
2. Happiness
3. Cuddles
4. Alarm clock
5. Home security
6. Bed warmer
7. Family
8. Laughs
9. Loyalty
10. BFF=
For a Dog:
1. A meal
2. Walks, frolics
3. Belly rub by hand
4. Pee timing
5. Safety
6. Hot sleep haven
7. Clan
8. Chum's voice
9. Farm duty
10. Dog's Life!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Forbes' List of Top Journalism Brands:
1. The New York Times
2. The Wall Street Journal
3. The Washington Post
4. BBC
5. The Economist
=
1. More truth with facts
2. Business or job bits
3. More center than left, not hostile.
4. Major global spin, photos
5. Newstand weekly
Dharam Khalsa with:
Maths lecturer Reverend Charles Lutwidge Dodgson =
Turned to the versed Lewis Carroll (drugs changed me!)
Dharam Khalsa with:
It’s a rule: soon as you'll sit down with your hot mug of black coffee, it’s likely~
your boss will ask something of you that will take until your coffee is cold!
Dharam Khalsa with:
A man went to the eye doctor and said, "Every time I drink my usual cup of coffee, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye,
~
a funny twinge, but then am briefly incapacitated."
Doc: "I see a remedy. If I may ask, have you tried removing the spoon?"
Dharam Khalsa with:
Gertrude Stein: "If you can't say anything nice about anyone else, come sit next to me."=
Aunty: "I seem to serenely encourage a toxic tendency, if it's nothing nasty about me!"
Ellie Dent with:
This busy doctor looked across at his young patient,
a dyed blonde woman, and then said eventually:
"You are morbidly obese."
~
"WHAT?? I resent that. Look, study me! You're a
blind, nasty old cove!" she babbled. "I demand a
second opinion."
Dr. says: "You are ugly, too."
Meyran Kraus with:
President Trump's Routine
10:35: Get up
11:05: Breakfast burger
12:00-13:30: Listen to FOX, take the opinions down
14:00: Offend random ally
14:20: Lunch burger
=
15:10: Get Russian orders
15:30: Media Chopper Talk!
21:10: Dinner burger
21:30: Shout at mob in rally
04:10: Tweet perplexing stuff
04:30: Nod off on Nuke Button.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland =
Indignant at, or drinking to, another ad-lib referendum?
Rosie Perera with:
Mother: "Go on, eat your spinach. Now! It will put color in your cheeks."
=
Our unhappy tot, icily (in our cool-lit room): "Who wants green cheeks?"
Rosie Perera with:
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt =
Better to be a fool than to be an evil Trump, an old mean goon that isolated the Kurds.
Rosie Perera with:
"Change is coming whether you like it or not!" -- Greta Thunberg =
"Oh, Earth isn't going to wait." Men cheer keen but grouchy girl.
Tony Crafter with:
Things Women look for in a Man
1. Confidence
2. Ambition
3. Sense of humour
4. Passion
5. Intelligence
6. Sociability
7. Attentiveness
=
Things I look for in a Woman
1. Beauty
2. Innocence
3. Good sense
4. Tolerance
5. Is feminine (No feminists!)
6. Tact
7. Slim, hot, lives in a pub!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings. George Bernard Shaw =
I wish, reader! But we foolish beings ravage the land, blight the sky and kill our sealife. In future times, when the Earth's barren, we will go to Mars and kill that too.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings. George Bernard Shaw =
I'll share a divine line by a mindful Buddhist monk, who warns all globetrotters that the goal is to walk the blue-green Earth as if we are kissing her with our feet.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds,
swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to
live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
Hawking, the late Englishman, he urged us to look at the
stars rather than down at our feet. Life may be rubbish;
feel worried, ignored? Live, walk tall. Bliss is within.
Adie Pena with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
Teenager Greta Thunberg thinks likewise. We must always better our environment, this world full of life: a brook, a shore, a hillside, a wild habitat, the highlands...
Adrian Hickford with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
Wrestle an alligator!
Be skilful in bullfighting!
Destroy the dragon!
(The behemoth is hideous!)
Writhe with a lioness!
Rumble with a rattlesnake!
Wakanda Forever!
Christopher Sturdy with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
But mankind already does!
I knew it when his remark forgot a brute's brain is flawed.
While using all the assets to have it better, life on Earth will go through hell.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
Wildlife will be devastated when their natural habitat is the highly sought after forest, but sanguine, blinkered realtors who make a killing, show no remorse.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings. George Bernard Shaw=
I'll share a divine line by a mindful Buddhist monk, who warns all globetrotters that the goal is to walk the blue-green Earth as if we are kissing her with our feet.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." - George Bernard Shaw
=
"So, in hindsight, although we likely fuel the wildest weather, seasons are reliable: abundant summer, to fall with her bright foliage, on to stark winter." - Brave Kid
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree,
Shrewd talkative fisher is he;
If nature's laws we flatly ignore,
Then, the bird will laugh no more,
And gone the habitats will be.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree;
Merry king of the bush (and lawn) is he.
Will its vast habitat be free,
And will it laugh in total glee,
In the harsh world we foresee?
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
"Therefore, without hesitation, I'll be frank and say that we should first use the valuable knowledge to make bridges, not higher restraining walls." (liberal whim)
Ellie Dent with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds,
swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to
live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
Hawking, the late Englishman, he urged us to look at the
stars rather than down at our feet. Life may be rubbish;
feel worried, ignored? Live, walk tall. Bliss is within.
George Missailidis with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
If we shall heal the world's issues, remember a truth a wise thinker told all: "Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle we know nothing about." I salute, alright.
Jesse Frankovich with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw =
Meanwhile, however, the fatal straight truth is that we GROUSE like irksome little brats and we foolishly FLOUNDER like big unenlightened barbarians. How sad!
Meyran Kraus with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." George Bernard Shaw
=
I'm afraid what he forgets is that we are horrible gluttons like a swine, stubborn like a mule, and in the end we are foul, shaved gorillas who think slightly better!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings." - George Bernard Shaw
=
If the result of higher brains is killer bombs got unleashed in the sky with outright naval warfare at sea, would we do better dwelling on Earth like the animals?
Rosie Perera with:
Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings. -- George Bernard Shaw=
Now that businesses have ruined the Earth for normal life (like fish and birds), let us all wail at the images, then bike to work early with good will. -- Greta Thunberg
Tony Crafter with:
Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings. George Bernard Shaw=
I wish, reader! But we foolish beings ravage the land, blight the sky and kill our sealife. In future times, when the Earth's barren, we will go to Mars and kill that too.
View with:
Now that we are able to fly through the air like birds, swim underwater like fish, all that is left to us is to live on the land like human beings. George Bernard Shaw=
Hah, very strange indeed! Thing is, we inhale unhealthful air, litter waters, kill our brothers, make bombs as if we like to battle in war - awful, eh? Let's do good things!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Two Irish brothers, Pat and Cory McGough, had promised their uncle Paddy, who'd been a seafaring man all his life, that they would bury him at sea when he died.
Of course, in time he did die and the brothers kept their promise.
One Thursday, they set off with their Uncle Paddy all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded into their little rowboat.
After a while Pat McGough said, "Do yer think dat dis is fer enough out, Cory?"
Without a word Cory went over the side of the boat only to find himself standing in water just up to his knees.
"Ah, dis'll never do. Let's row some more."
After a bit more rowing, Cory ventured over the side again but found that the water only just came up to his belly, so they carried on.
Later, Pat asked him, "Do yer tink that dis is fer enough out, Cory?"
Once again Cory went over the side, but immediately exclaimed, "No, dis'll never do, the water's only up to me chest."
On and on they rowed. Finally Cory decided to go over the side again and disappeared altogether.
Quite a bit of time went by and Pat was really getting himself into a state when suddenly Cory broke surface gasping for air.
"Well is it deep enough yet, Cory?" asked Pat.
"Aye 'tis, hand me da shovel."
=
An Irish daughter had not been home for two whole years.
Upon her return, her father shouted at her: "Where the hell have ye been? Why did ye not write to us, not one single line? Why didn’t ye call? Do ye not understand what ye put yer poor old mother through?
The girl, crying, replied, "(sniff) Sorry daddy, I didn't quite know how to tell you but I became... a prostitute.”
“What!!? Get out, ye wicked, shameless harlot! You're a disgrace to dis good Irish Catholic family.”
“OK, dad, as ye wish," she wept. "I just came back to give me ma this new fur coat, the title deed to a ten bedroom mansion with a pool, plus a savings certificate for fifty thousand pounds.”
“For me little brother Otto, I had this gold Rolex made, and for ye dad, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that is parked outside, plus special membership to an elite country club…(takes a breath)...and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me yacht in the Riviera, and ..."
"Hold on," interrupted the dad..."Now what was it ye said ye'd become?”
Girl, crying again, “(sniff)...a prostitute dad (sniff)."
“Bejaysus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Now come here and give yer old dad a big hug!”
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Scariest Motion Pictures Ever Made
10. "A Nightmare On Elm Street" (Wes Craven)
9. "Jaws" (Steven Spielberg)
8. "The Silence of the Lambs" (Jonathan Demme)
7. "The Exorcist" (William Friedkin)
6. "Night of the Living Dead" (George A. Romero)
5. "Rosemary's Baby" (Roman Polanski)
4. "Alien" (Ridley Scott)
3. "The Omen" (Richard Donner)
2. "Psycho" (Alfred Hitchcock)
1. "The Shining" (Stanley Kubrick)
=
My Favorite Scenes In Them
10. Freddy Kreuger's glove appears in the bath
9. "Smile, you son of a bitch!"
8. Lecter's memorable (if extremely sick) jailbreak
7. Adolescent girl vomiting on a priest
6. Reanimated child killing her mom
5. The mother discovers the newborn in the cot
4. One man's chest cracking at dinner
3. Glass decapitation
2. Raw shower death
1. "Here's Johnny!"
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A man walks into the coffee shop carrying a small chunk of asphalt under his arm. He waits a few moments at the counter before placing his order.
~
At last, this man asks the manager for the usual preference, which is a well-known habit: "Gimme a short cappuccino for myself, and one for the road."
Adie Pena with:
A LIST OF PRESIDENTIAL IMPEACHMENTS IN AMERICAN HISTORY
1. Successfully impeached but...
- Bill Clinton
- Andrew Johnson
2. Resigned during the impeachment attempt
- Richard Nixon
3. Failed
- George W. Bush
- James Buchanan
- John Tyler
4. Ongoing case
- Donald Trump
=
1. ...Both men were not ousted by Senate
2. Slight problem? Jump the gun!
3. Cleared!
- No action done
- Unwarranted
- Not passed
4. Chances are many miffed and implacable critics finally join in: "Eject him! Expel him! Imprison this rich landlord caught hugging Russians!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
A big figure in baby blue puppy pajamas, Mr. Trump madly remarked, in muddle-minded belligerence:
"A Total Scam by the Do Nothing Democrats. For the good of the Country, this Wirch Hunt should end now!"
A clever comment swiftly appeared: "Imporch him!"
I smiled, "Winner!"
Reminder: I'd use Spell Check!
=
Trump typos:
Wirch Hunt
Covfefe
Hamberder
Moot
Ridiclious
Cheif
Unpresidented
Corrup
Peopel
Homeland Securiy
Stoped
Smocking gun
Attaker
Ememy
Alcaida
Julyfr
Wentl
Nambia
Muderer
Global waming
Achomplishments
Bigly
2nd Ammendment
Boarder
Discribed
Liddle' (with the "hyphen")
Dharam Khalsa with:
Sixteen Brightest Stars (as seen from Earth):
1. Sun
2. Sirius
3. Canopus
4. Rigil Kentaurus
5. Arcturus
6. Vega
7. Capella
8. Rigel
9. Procyon
10. Archernar
11. Betelgeuse
12. Hadar
13. Altair
14. Acrux
15. Aldebaran
16. YOU!
=
Synonym of 'Bright' (not exact usage):
1. Brilliant
2. Glarier
3. Vibrance
4. Unusual
5. Sunlight
6. Starrier
7. Auroral
8. Extra-hot
9. Unsurpassed
10. A shade cause
11. Peerless
12. Scarce
13. Peak
14. Auric
15. Rare
16. GRETA!
Dharam Khalsa with:
A man walks into the coffee shop carrying a small chunk of asphalt under his arm. He waits a few moments at the counter before placing his order.
~
At last, this man asks the manager for the usual preference, which is a well-known habit: "Gimme a short cappuccino for myself, and one for the road."
Dharam Khalsa with:
Ten qualities of highly successful people:
1. Drive
2. Self-reliance
3. Willpower
4. Patience
5. Integrity
6. Passion
7. Connection
8. Optimism
9. Self-confidence
10. Communication
=
Why employees quit:
1. Awful income
2. Deadlines
3. Conflicts
4. Trust loss
5. Ineffective training
6. Minimal help
7. No recognition
8. Conscience
9. Politics
10. Life purpose, peace
Ellie Dent with:
An ant knocked on the door of a house.
The house owner opened the door.
"I want a place to stay," said the ant.
"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free," said the owner.
So then the grateful ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.
After some days, the ant brought in another ant and asked the owner,
"Will you please allow this fellow ant to stay here?"
"Sure you may, without paying any rent," said the owner warmly.
Then after a few more days, the ant brought a third ant and
again asked the obliging owner to kindly allow it to stay there with them.
~
The owner agreed to this idea, and without any undue awkwardness
or asking for any rent. Oh, whoopee! Ideal!
This went on, as the ant brought more fellow ants home with him - like
a cavalcade! - and the owner agreed, as previously, to accommodate
them free of charge.
Then one day, the ant brought in the tenth ant and diffidently sought
the owner's approval to allow it to stay with the rest.
The weary owner said, "Oh, okay. You can indeed all stay, crash
here if you want, but on one condition: that all occupants pay me a
fair rent. That okay?
You are now tenants."
Meyran Kraus with:
The Scariest Motion Pictures Ever Made
10. "A Nightmare On Elm Street" (Wes Craven)
9. "Jaws" (Steven Spielberg)
8. "The Silence of the Lambs" (Jonathan Demme)
7. "The Exorcist" (William Friedkin)
6. "Night of the Living Dead" (George A. Romero)
5. "Rosemary's Baby" (Roman Polanski)
4. "Alien" (Ridley Scott)
3. "The Omen" (Richard Donner)
2. "Psycho" (Alfred Hitchcock)
1. "The Shining" (Stanley Kubrick)
=
My Favorite Scenes In Them
10. Freddy Kreuger's glove appears in the bath
9. "Smile, you son of a bitch!"
8. Lecter's memorable (if extremely sick) jailbreak
7. Adolescent girl vomiting on a priest
6. Reanimated child killing her mom
5. The mother discovers the newborn in the cot
4. One man's chest cracking at dinner
3. Glass decapitation
2. Raw shower death
1. "Here's Johnny!"
Rosie Perera with:
"If Turkey does anything that I, in my great and unmatched wisdom, consider to be off limits, I will totally destroy and obliterate the Economy of Turkey."
=
DT is totally fricking mad! This is not a tweet you'd like to see from a leader of the free world. It is not comedy, but tyranny! Enough! Can't anybody limit him?!
Tony Crafter with:
Two Irish brothers, Pat and Cory McGough, had promised their uncle Paddy, who'd been a seafaring man all his life, that they would bury him at sea when he died.
Of course, in time he did die and the brothers kept their promise.
One Thursday, they set off with their Uncle Paddy all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded into their little rowboat.
After a while Pat McGough said, "Do yer think dat dis is fer enough out, Cory?"
Without a word Cory went over the side of the boat only to find himself standing in water just up to his knees.
"Ah, dis'll never do. Let's row some more."
After a bit more rowing, Cory ventured over the side again but found that the water only just came up to his belly, so they carried on.
Later, Pat asked him, "Do yer tink that dis is fer enough out, Cory?"
Once again Cory went over the side, but immediately exclaimed, "No, dis'll never do, the water's only up to me chest."
On and on they rowed. Finally Cory decided to go over the side again and disappeared altogether.
Quite a bit of time went by and Pat was really getting himself into a state when suddenly Cory broke surface gasping for air.
"Well is it deep enough yet, Cory?" asked Pat.
"Aye 'tis, hand me da shovel."
=
An Irish daughter had not been home for two whole years.
Upon her return, her father shouted at her: "Where the hell have ye been? Why did ye not write to us, not one single line? Why didn’t ye call? Do ye not understand what ye put yer poor old mother through?
The girl, crying, replied, "(sniff) Sorry daddy, I didn't quite know how to tell you but I became... a prostitute."
“What!!? Get out, ye wicked, shameless harlot! You're a disgrace to dis good Irish Catholic family."
“OK, dad, as ye wish," she wept. "I just came back to give me ma this new fur coat, the title deed to a ten bedroom mansion with a pool, plus a savings certificate for fifty thousand pounds."
“For me little brother Otto, I had this gold Rolex made, and for ye dad, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that is parked outside, plus special membership to an elite country club…(takes a breath)...and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me yacht in the Riviera, and ..."
"Hold on," interrupted the dad..."Now what was it ye said ye'd become?"
Girl, crying again, “(sniff)...a prostitute dad (sniff)."
“Bejaysus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Now come here and give yer old dad a big hug!"
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Emily Dickinson's "I felt a Funeral, in my Brain"
I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading - treading - till it seemed
That Sense was breaking through -
And when they all were seated,
A Service, like a Drum -
Kept beating - beating - till I thought
My mind was going numb -
And then I heard them lift a Box
And creak across my Soul
With those same Boots of Lead, again,
Then Space - began to toll,
As all the Heavens were a Bell,
And Being, but an Ear,
And I, and Silence, some strange Race,
Wrecked, solitary, here -
And then a Plank in Reason, broke,
And I dropped down, and down -
And hit a World, at every plunge,
And Finished knowing - then -
=
My Shiny New Haunted Mansion
Heed every mini-gag I crammed in here!
A cauldron that I stir, with gunk and mud,
Live bats that soar and one hound lurking near,
Lewd lanterns and that bone pile set in blood,
One leaky body bag with my dead wife,
Wraiths that'll rise from tombs and tend to scorch,
Expired pig-brain and a grand, mean knife,
Eggs painted like wee skulls and one neat torch,
Nice innards and a lab like Frankenstein's,
Peeled grapes I label 'eyeballs' in that bowl,
A rat-man figure with a broken spine,
Rank heads that moan and an indecent troll...
The guest who's not engaged so far, beware:
You lived a gentle life. Time for a scare.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Daybreak In Alabama
by Langston Hughes
When I get to be a composer
I'm gonna write me some music about
Daybreak in Alabama
And I'm gonna put the purtiest songs in it
Rising out of the ground like a swamp mist
And falling out of heaven like soft dew.
I'm gonna put some tall tall trees in it
And the scent of pine needles
And the smell of red clay after rain
And long red necks
And poppy colored faces
And big brown arms
And the field daisy eyes
Of black and white black white black people
And I'm gonna put white hands
And black hands and brown and yellow hands
And red clay earth hands in it
Touching everybody with kind fingers
And touching each other natural as dew
In that dawn of music when I
Get to be a composer
And write about daybreak
In Alabama.
=
Dorian in Alabama
by Donald Trump
When I get to be President
I'm gonna get me a new black Sharpie marker
And draw an additional loop
On the end of a storm's path,
A loop that will overlap with Alabama.
I'll dishonestly continue to say anything.
Unfounded announcements
Like bad Barack Obama's birth certificate,
Factitious Afghan news
And enough hatefulness,
Fibs about them bugging my Manhattan, New York Tower,
Not knowing David Duke
And that babe I shagged.
I'd endlessly defend my fraudulent West Wing deeds
And be a "Bottomless Pinocchio"
And challenge Kessler, Factcheck.org,
Snopes.com and PolitiFact
And deny, deny, deny.
When I get to be President
I'll safely draw on a U.S. map
With a black Sharpie marker
Showing Hurricane Dorian
In Alabama.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Prince Charles had decided he should do something about his fitness, especially as he might be King in the not-too-distant future, which would require more stamina.
So, with this in mind, he'd started doing regular running sessions round the London streets.
Every day during his run, he would pass a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He'd learned to brace himself as he approached her, knowing the various saucy remarks that were almost certain to follow.
"Hey sweetie! One hundred and fifty pounds for a good time?" she'd yell from her spot.
"No! Five pounds!" He would shout back, to shut her up.
This ritual between the two became a daily event. He would jog by and she would invariably cry out, "One hundred and fifty pounds - yes?"
He'd yell back, "No! Five pounds!"
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany Charles on his run
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's corner, Prince Charles realised she would bark her usual 'hundred-and-fifty-pounds' remark and Camilla would wonder what he had really been doing on his past outings. He figured maybe he'd better have a reasonable explanation ready for his wife.
As they jogged into the turning that would take them past the woman, he became more nervous than usual.
Sure enough, there she was. Charles tried to avoid the woman's eyes as she watched them jogging past. Then, from her spot on the street corner, the hooker yelled:
Adie Pena with:
Daybreak In Alabama
by Langston Hughes
When I get to be a composer
I'm gonna write me some music about
Daybreak in Alabama
And I'm gonna put the purtiest songs in it
Rising out of the ground like a swamp mist
And falling out of heaven like soft dew.
I'm gonna put some tall tall trees in it
And the scent of pine needles
And the smell of red clay after rain
And long red necks
And poppy colored faces
And big brown arms
And the field daisy eyes
Of black and white black white black people
And I'm gonna put white hands
And black hands and brown and yellow hands
And red clay earth hands in it
Touching everybody with kind fingers
And touching each other natural as dew
In that dawn of music when I
Get to be a composer
And write about daybreak
In Alabama.
=
Dorian in Alabama
by Donald Trump
When I get to be President
I'm gonna get me a new black Sharpie marker
And draw an additional loop
On the end of a storm's path,
A loop that will overlap with Alabama.
I'll dishonestly continue to say anything.
Unfounded announcements
Like bad Barack Obama's birth certificate,
Factitious Afghan news
And enough hatefulness,
Fibs about them bugging my Manhattan, New York Tower,
Not knowing David Duke
And that babe I shagged.
I'd endlessly defend my fraudulent West Wing deeds
And be a "Bottomless Pinocchio"
And challenge Kessler, Factcheck.org,
Snopes.com and PolitiFact
And deny, deny, deny.
When I get to be President
I'll safely draw on a U.S. map
With a black Sharpie marker
Showing Hurricane Dorian
In Alabama.
"Oy! See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?"
=
A wife was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One rainy day she was in bed cuddled up with her lover when, to her shock, she heard her husband's car pull into the drive.
'Oh my goodness!' she gasped. 'Quick! Pick up your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's come home early!'
'I can't jump out there!' protested the lover, 'it's pouring!'
'Look, if my husband catches us here, he'll kill us both!' she snapped. 'He's got a savage temper and a gun, so the rain's the least of your problems!'
At that, the lover scooted out of bed, picked up his clothes and leapt out of the window.
As he ran off down the street in the pouring rain, he discovered he'd landed right in the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started jogging along beside the others, about three-hundred of them.
Despite being barefooted, naked and having his clothes tucked under one arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a few minutes, a small group of runners who'd been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer to chat. 'Excuse me, do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping for air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved alongside. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes under one arm?'
'Oh, yes' he answered breathlessly. 'It means that I can get dressed at the end of the run and get straight into my car to drive home.'
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Only when it's raining.'
Ellie Dent with:
BORIS THE SPIDER (A song by The Who)
Look, he's crawling up my wall
Black and hairy, very small
Now he's up above my head
Hanging by a little thread.
Boris the spider
Now he's dropped on to the floor
Heading for the bedroom door
Maybe he's as scared as me
Where's he gone now, I can't see
Boris the spider
[Chorus]
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
=
BORIS THE TORY
Clever playboy PM here
Eager puppy; boyish cheer
Blue-eyed chancer in a mess
Oh, all's well, the snob says.
Feeble cycling eccentric
PM making people sick
Why, he vowed to help play ball
Go chase goals political.
A bawdy flawed character
A disgraced PM schemer
Cheery Latin speeches? He
Creates deadly anarchy.
Boris the Tory
[Chorus]
Worry, worry,
weep and cry
Worry, worry, weep and cry
Worry, worry, weep and cry
Worry, worry, weep and cry
Meyran Kraus with:
Emily Dickinson's "I felt a Funeral, in my Brain"
I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading - treading - till it seemed
That Sense was breaking through -
And when they all were seated,
A Service, like a Drum -
Kept beating - beating - till I thought
My mind was going numb -
And then I heard them lift a Box
And creak across my Soul
With those same Boots of Lead, again,
Then Space - began to toll,
As all the Heavens were a Bell,
And Being, but an Ear,
And I, and Silence, some strange Race,
Wrecked, solitary, here -
And then a Plank in Reason, broke,
And I dropped down, and down -
And hit a World, at every plunge,
And Finished knowing - then -
=
My Shiny New Haunted Mansion
Heed every mini-gag I crammed in here!
A cauldron that I stir, with gunk and mud,
Live bats that soar and one hound lurking near,
Lewd lanterns and that bone pile set in blood,
One leaky body bag with my dead wife,
Wraiths that'll rise from tombs and tend to scorch,
Expired pig-brain and a grand, mean knife,
Eggs painted like wee skulls and one neat torch,
Nice innards and a lab like Frankenstein's,
Peeled grapes I label 'eyeballs' in that bowl,
A rat-man figure with a broken spine,
Rank heads that moan and an indecent troll...
The guest who's not engaged so far, beware:
You lived a gentle life. Time for a scare.
Tony Crafter with:
Prince Charles had decided he should do something about his fitness, especially as he might be King in the not-too-distant future, which would require more stamina.
So, with this in mind, he'd started doing regular running sessions round the London streets.
Every day during his run, he would pass a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He'd learned to brace himself as he approached her, knowing the various saucy remarks that were almost certain to follow.
"Hey sweetie! One hundred and fifty pounds for a good time?" she'd yell from her spot.
"No! Five pounds!" He would shout back, to shut her up.
This ritual between the two became a daily event. He would jog by and she would invariably cry out, "One hundred and fifty pounds - yes?"
He'd yell back, "No! Five pounds!"
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany Charles on his run
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's corner, Prince Charles realised she would bark her usual 'hundred-and-fifty-pounds' remark and Camilla would wonder what he had really been doing on his past outings. He figured maybe he'd better have a reasonable explanation ready for his wife.
As they jogged into the turning that would take them past the woman, he became more nervous than usual.
Sure enough, there she was. Charles tried to avoid the woman's eyes as she watched them jogging past. Then, from her spot on the street corner, the hooker yelled:
"Oy! See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?"
=
A wife was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One rainy day she was in bed cuddled up with her lover when, to her shock, she heard her husband's car pull into the drive.
'Oh my goodness!' she gasped. 'Quick! Pick up your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's come home early!'
'I can't jump out there!' protested the lover, 'it's pouring!'
'Look, if my husband catches us here, he'll kill us both!' she snapped. 'He's got a savage temper and a gun, so the rain's the least of your problems!'
At that, the lover scooted out of bed, picked up his clothes and leapt out of the window.
As he ran off down the street in the pouring rain, he discovered he'd landed right in the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started jogging along beside the others, about three-hundred of them.
Despite being barefooted, naked and having his clothes tucked under one arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a few minutes, a small group of runners who'd been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer to chat. 'Excuse me, do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping for air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner moved alongside. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes under one arm?'
'Oh, yes' he answered breathlessly. 'It means that I can get dressed at the end of the run and get straight into my car to drive home.'
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Only when it's raining.'
Tony Crafter with:
STUCK ON YOU
By
Lionel Richie
Stuck on you
I've got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can't lose
Guess, I'm on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I'll be with you till the end
Guess I'm on my way
Mighty glad you stayed
I'm stuck on you
Been a fool too long I guess
It's time for me to come on home
Guess I'm on my way
So hard to see
That a woman like you could wait
Around for a man like me
Guess I'm on my way
Mighty glad you stayed
Oh, I'm leaving on that midnight train tomorrow
And I know just where I'm going
I've packed up my troubles
And I've thrown them all away
Because this time little darling
I'm coming home to stay
I'm stuck on you
I've got this feeling down
Deep in my soul
That I just can't lose
Guess, I'm on my way
Needed a friend
And the way I feel now I guess
I'll be with you till the end
Guess I'm on my way
I'm mighty glad you stayed
=
STUCK WITH GLUE
By
'The Gloomy Weather Guy'
I'm stuck with glue,
In London enjoying myself
Up on the roof
Of a subway train,
I am here to stay.
Oh, don't you see?
This gloomy world is gonna end soon,
So do I care
If you can't get to work?
I am stayin' here.
I'm stuck like glue,
So you mugs might as
Well just toddle off home,
Ideally you may stay,
Joining in with me,
As I spout my views while you
Get mad, but hey I don't care,
If you shout and swear.
I won't go away.
Oh, you won't be leaving on this morning train today,
Mayhem is my middle name,
My main message must be voiced,
So stop the baying noise,
My mind's made up, you will not change it,
I've decided you will stay.
I was stuck like glue,
Till nine commuters all
Mounted the train
And hauled me down,
Then laid into me.
Get a medic!
Gee, the way I'm feeling now
I get the message in full,
You don't like my views;
I guess it's not my day.
Eq1st - Dharam with:
Little doe walks in from the thatch, but states ~
"Well, that's the last time I do THAT for ten bucks!"
Eq1st - HSP with:
Al notices he can't perform his one duty =
The poor man has erectile dysfunction.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Penis is hard? =
Dip in her ass!
Adie Pena with:
Loose Watery Stool Diarrhea =
Ew! A real shitty aerosol odor!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Al notices he can't perform his one duty =
The poor man has erectile dysfunction.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Little doe walks in from the thatch, but states ~
"Well, that's the last time I do THAT for ten bucks!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? =
A mere two, but I ask, how do all the big insects fly in??
George Missailidis with:
The lad notices he cannot perform his one duty =
So then, the poor man had erectile dysfunction.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Penis is hard? =
Dip in her ass!
John Murray with:
Have an erection =
An erotic heaven.
John Murray with:
A reddish dunce/gammon twat ‡
"Great and unmatched wisdom"
John Murray with:
Toilet flush =
Shit fell out.
Meyran Kraus with:
White House Presidential Bathrooms =
Oh, where Trump is able to shit on aides?
Tony Crafter with:
Sir: (in the vagina) =
"She ain't a virgin!"
View with:
A pussy lover =
Very spousal
The Anagrammy Awards