Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2001


1st - Wayne Baisley with:
I am mentally disturbed =
Tell my Martian buddies!

eq.2nd - Phil Carmody with:
Primitive languages =
I give a sample - I grunt.

eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Two bricks short of a load =
Thick as two floorboards.

David Bourke with:
Built like a brick shithouse? =
Bullies kick the Irish about.

David Bourke with:
Obstetrician =
Creation bits.

Larry Brash with:
I am mentally disturbed =
Ultimately misbranded.

Larry Brash with:
I am mentally disturbed =
True. I'm bad, silently mad.

Art Day with:
Cave writings =
"We sit carving."

Dan Fortier with:
Total Solar Eclipse =
Lo, I'll stare at scope!

Maurice Goddard with:
The umbilical cord =
Child-bear tum coil.

Maurice Goddard with:
A night-watchman ~
might wanna chat?

Maurice Goddard with:
Gastrocnemius muscle =
Commits cause: Legs run!

Adrian Hickford with:
Health risk =
Lithe shark.

Adrian Hickford with:
No signs then? ~

Adrian Hickford with:
Ancient traditions =
Tired incantations.

Adrian Hickford with:
Mental aberration =
A rotten lame-brain.

Adrian Hickford with:
Can I have your autograph please? =
Ah! You approach - signature - leave.

Adrian Hickford with:
I am mentally disturbed =
Um, my little brain's dead.

Adrian Hickford with:
I am mentally disturbed =
I'm tired, madly unstable.

Jaybur with:
Creepy crawlies =
Sweep clear, I cry!

Jaybur with:
A heroin-fed patient's ~
in need of a therapist.

Jaybur with:
Horticulturist =
Our rustic tilth.

Jaybur with:
An astrophysicist =
Any star's his topic.

Jaybur with:
Adolescents =
Cleanse dots!

Jaybur with:
A spotty adolescent =
Let's stop acne TODAY!

Jaybur with:
Prenuptial agreement =
Get meaner near pulpit!

Meyran Kraus with:
An English Professor =
Lesson of rephrasing.

Meyran Kraus with:
Appetite Loss =
Stop it, please.

Meyran Kraus with:
Hearing Voices =
Rave is echoing.

Meyran Kraus with:
A homeless person =
He's poor, nameless.

Meyran Kraus with:
Those cursed monthly periods! =
Oh, red spots ruined my clothes!

Rick Rothstein with:
The Great American Novel =
No large art achievement.

Rick Rothstein with:
Elephantiasis =
Its "alien" shape.

Rick Rothstein with:
Love is in the air =
There is a violin.

Mick Tully with:
Medical practitioners =
Tip remedial narcotics.

Mick Tully with:
That inept coffee ~
fetch fine teapot!

James H. Young with:
Music Theorist =
Most heuristic.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Royal Shakespeare Company =
One may appear there as Shylock.

2nd - David A. Green with:
Robert Louis Stevenson's 'The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde' =
Tense, edgy horror story. Subject: honest man's dark, evil-laden self.

3rd - Wayne Baisley with: [Trance band]
Infected Mushroom =
Techno For Dummies.

David Bourke with:
An Evil Cradling - Brian Keenan =
In an Arab cell - engraved in ink.

Maurice Goddard with:
The Stella Artois Tournament =
Henman's astral route to title!

Maurice Goddard with:
The Comedian Jimmy Edwards =
He'd jammy coarse-minded wit!

Richard Grantham with:
The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy =
A delicate exit high through the sky.

Richard Grantham with:
Land of Hope and Glory =
A drop of holy England.

David A. Green with:
Jules Verne's novel 'Around The World In Eighty Days' =
Just dull, never-ending, over-noisy Heathrow delays.

David A. Green with:
Maryon Stewart's "Beat PMT Cookbook" =
Women's cramp: try toast - kebab, too, OK.

Jaybur with:
The Weakest Link =
Keith knew least!

Jaybur with:
Monsieur Camille Pissarro =
Call our era Impressionism.

Mike Keith with:
The Walrus and the Carpenter =
A trap... and the rest were lunch.

Meyran Kraus with:
Carroll O'Connor dies of heart attack =
No 'Archie' actor, for old talent croaks.

Tom Myers with:
Irish Singer Sinead O'Connor =
Recording in session, no hair.

Rick Rothstein with:
They process that harmony ~
at the symphony orchestra.


1st - Tom Myers with:
Blair wins the election =
The liberal won - it's nice!

2nd - Jaybur with:
The Wimbledon Tennis Championship =
Henman's time: he'd lob, chip, spin to win.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Conservative =
Voters cave in.

David Bourke with:
The Nepalese Royal Family =
Yea, open fire, slay them all!

Bob Dog with:
Audi Sport Team wins Le Mans! =
A mad strain! Now I *must* sleep!

Maurice Goddard with:
Suicide bomb blast in Tel Aviv =
Malicious! Best be "blind" via TV?

Maurice Goddard with:
William Hague has resigned as Leader of the Conservative Party =
Aha! Tough Politics! Rash Willy reverses. Am defeated. Never again?!

Maurice Goddard with:
Who will be the new Leader of the GB Conservative Party? Portillo, Widdecombe, Clarke or Smith? =
What?! Bet whoever? Vote for "Rolling-Stone-Mick-lipped" Michael! A wretched sober Willy aborted!

Maurice Goddard with:
English Heritage, and the summer solstice today =
Druids at Stonehenge. A mighty secret halo smile.

Jaybur with:
Michael Portillo is to stand for leadership of the Conservative Party =
Tory MP, the Castilian stallion (love perfect hair) said hoped for voters.

Jaybur with:
Shipman, the infamous medical practitioner =
He's INHUMAN! Impact of practised eliminator.

Meyran Kraus with:
A Paralititan Stromeri Skeleton Has Been Found =
"Real dinosaur bone? Methinks it's of a plant-eater!"

Meyran Kraus with:
Timothy McVeigh's execution date set on this Monday =
My death is not enough to those many excited victims.

Tom Myers with:
Cartoonist Hank Ketcham dies in his sleep =
Oh Oh! "Dennis the Menace" strip kicks it. Alas!

Tom Myers with:
Palestinians declare cease-fire ~
as increased peace felt in Israel.

Tom Myers with:
Federal government executions =
Extreme revenge action unfolds.

Tom Myers with:
Lori Berenson =
No rebel, no sir!

Rick Rothstein with:
The Israeli Army =
Real hairy times...

Mick Tully with:
Hague resigns as Party Leader =
e.g. hairless guy departs arena.

Mick Tully with:
Floating Dutch abortion clinic ~
to fornicating Catholic Dublin.

Mick Tully with:
Federal government executions =
Consider, not a vengeful extreme?

Mick Tully with:
Michael Portillo, leader of the Conservative Party =
O, politically, Thatcher female is proven over-rated.

Mick Tully with:
Racial tensions =
National crises.

William Tunstall-Pedoe with:
Conservative Leader Michael Portillo =
Male lovers. Lech. Over-rated politician.

William Tunstall-Pedoe with:
Conservative Leader Michael Portillo =
A slime-covered, love-lorn, pathetic liar.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Ladies' underpanties =
Splendid arse, Auntie!

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Frontal nudity =
Flaunt tiny rod.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Unseen, I saw her twat, a seeping scab... ~
because she wasn't wearing panties.

David Bourke with:
Hairy cunts =
It's raunchy!

David Bourke with:
Poofs in a toilet... ~
foetal position.

David Bourke with:
Men's underpanties ~
smarten nude penis.

Larry Brash with:
Methylated spirits =
Shitty? I'm plastered!

Maurice Goddard with:
Tear discloses ~
Ladies' corsets!

Maurice Goddard with:
Ladies' underpanties =
An adult penis desire?

Richard Grantham with:
The seminal vesicles =
This nice male vessel.

Adrian Hickford with:
The British Board of Film Classification ~
forbids tit frolics an' hot labia mischief.

Thomas Hornikel with:
Isn't a SELF NOM stroking yourself? =
Smelly turnoffs OK resignations.

Meyran Kraus with:
Wendy's cheeseburgers and medium fries =
Hungry bum's dream is indeed sewer feces!

Rick Rothstein with:
Sexual 'relations' =
Lou tries anal-sex.

Mick Tully with:
Eat shit. Ten billion flies can't be wrong. =
Taste the faeces? Now trillion nibbling!

Mick Tully with:
Anusol Cream with applicator =
A 'local', ram two-inch tip up arse.

Mick Tully with:
Urinated in sleep? Sad ~
entire ass in a puddle!


1st - David Bourke with:

The Nude Britney Site! - As seen and heard on the Howard Stern Show.
Click Here -- http://celebphotos.pokeadot.com

Watch Britney dance topless on stage while partying with friends at a New York Night Club!

See Unbelievable Shocking early modeling shots thought to of been destroyed, photos and home videos of Britney Spears.

No way is she a virgin! Check out her infamous nipple slip video!

See her forbidden tits upclose and personal! They're real!
We have gone to great lengths to bring you the hottest content possible!
Stolen, blackmarket, candid, up skirt, nipple slip, xxx home videos, and more of Britney Spears and all your favorite celebrities are our specialty. We pay out over $100,000 a month just to photographers to provide us with the freshest content of the sexiest celebrities on the net. Don't miss out on this special FREE offer! Get your FREE membership now! Don't wait another second Britney is waiting!!!!

Click Here -- http://celebphotos.pokeadot.com




The Ann Widdecombe Naked Virgin Site!
Seen on BBC News At Ten!!!
Click Here -- http://celebphotos.hideous-old-battleaxe.com

She was offered (at a pretty conservative estimate) $100,000 to keep herself covered up, to no avail!

- Watch her topless at the Tory Party Conference!
(She's possibly got her knockers, but she's OK!)

- See her in her top five hot sexy X-rated new horror videos!:

'Something Of The Night' (starring Michael Howard)
'Pent-Up Widdecombe's Erection Night Fever'
'Doris Karloff Stops To Show Off Her Unspoiled Kent'
'The Gargantuan Gargoyle Of Westminster'

- Just see her pretty crooked teeth biting into poor Michael Portillo!

- Be bossed about, lectured-to on 'values', patronised (potty opinions on dope), then play-whipped into submission by her, in the virtual-reality 'Monster Of Maidstone' game!

- Buy the 'Auntie Annie' shiny pudding-bowl hairpiece!

Yes, yes, yes! Don't wait another second... Ann's still waiting!!!!

Click Here -- http://celebphotos.hideous-old-battleaxe.com



2nd - Larry Brash with:
Thousands have enlarged their penis 3-5 inches in only weeks using Kl Maximum.

Our Penis Enlargement program has been medically proven, safe, and natural method of penis enlargement which can be done in the privacy of your own home in a short period of time.

FINALLY!!! No Pumps, No Surgery, No Chemicals, No Pills to take! No Harsh Stimulants, No Medications or Supplements. This is 100% all natural!! These are a series of developmental routines you do yourself with our instructions and are tested, and proven effective.

Over 175,000 Satisfied Customers! Laboratory Tested 100% Safe Guaranteed Results **You will Receive a Full Refund if Results are not Achieved!!!***

Using Our Techniques You Will Learn: How to please your Lover, Last longer In Bed, And Of course Enlarge your penis in inches AND thickness in just 2 weeks!


Here is how we do it.

Come to our offices, enrol, undress.
Our 1000 staff have a big laugh at your useless puny penis.

We secure you into our patented Penis Lengthening Machine with you lying, helpless, face down, your small piddler's dangling limply towards the ground. A 20,000 pound mass is evenly tied to your microscopic piece of manhood, You're raised off the ground until that miserable phallus starts to stretch.

Soon, you're the proud owner of a real 13 -15 inch sensual love stick, a real lean machine. It seems darned impressive.

OK, it hurt quite a bit at first, but after only several hours (57), the sensual penile nerves are permanently stuffed in a terminal manner. No more pain occurs.

Alas, it has no function, none. Fuck all. Sex is a never never. No hardons, none, not even wanking. Semenless, jism deliveries are killed.


3rd - Meyran Kraus with:

Indeed; a HeavenSent Treasure of Pleasure!!

To entice your Passion,
To intrigue your Desire,
Enchantment's Rapture;
Sweet Vjestika Fire....


*Penile & clitoral sensitivity
*Sensitivity to touch
*Desire to touch
*Desire to be touched
*Erogenous sensitivity
*Sexual courageousness
*Sexual gentleness and ferocity


*Prolongs and intensifies foreplay;
*Prolongs and intensifies orgasm / climax;
*Inspires body, mind, spirit orgasm / climax;
*Inspires and enhances body, mind, spirit communion betwixt lovers;
*Inspires and enhances the enchantment / glamourie of Love....

Sweet Vjestika is a Chimera Tantric proprietary glamourie / enchantment Fantasia Amalgamation for men and women, comprised of high ratio extracts derived from the following Herbs of Power which are master blended to emphasis extravaganza body, mind, spirit erogenous sensory awareness and gourmet carnal delight.



Oh, man! Just sip it for some superior DeathBed Orgasm-Spasms!!

Sir, drop your Finesse!
Miss, don't be so Prissy!
For a real gross Surprise
Just drink Something Pissy!


*Toe deformity
*Red urine
*Heavy wheezing
*Testicle swelling
*The bent feeling of outrageous love towards Chevy Chase
*The rotten taste of death
*Excruciating pain
*Your expiring and our rejoicing
*Net-serenity regeneration


*Vital for a hit-job or a personal vendetta
*Environmentally friendly
*Available in pink!

Piss-in-a-can is the latest from Kraus Spam Termination Co., the same that introduced the Web Wanker's Spider Egg and the E-mail Cretin's Deadly Donut. It contains eighteen rare germs, dangerous sedatives AND awesome laxatives, natural murderers as viper venom, strychnine and poison-oak sap and chemical toxins as arsenic trioxide! Don't be tentative! Just push the cap and have a blast, and recommend it to your friends so you low spam-idiots will cease to exist.


Larry Brash with:
I bought my new car doing this!!! PLEASE READ!!! =
What boring spam! Hey, señor, get a clue! I did!


Adrian Hickford with:
on http://www.xxlhardcore.de.vu
you get tons of free Hardcare pics

With Fetish, Lesbian, Teen, Animal, SM, gay, bi, and much more, all for free.

Your Tanja


Hey you!

Find fresh excrement photos, unbelievable foaming ordure and arse-log jam.
All anal shit, worth SHIT.

Your Faecal Friend


James H. Young with:
Since you agreed to receive this only once message BEFORE making the post, you CANNOT in any way shape or form claim that this is SPAM. It is NOT spam. You are NOT on an ongoing mailing list! This is a ONE TIME confirmation of that post, which You SPECIFICALLY agreed to receive. Please note, our network receives posts from many different sources.
Since you carelessly sent me the above cowshit, you CANNOT effectively claim that I'm making an anagram. Oh I see this is NOT an anagram. So this action is only one inspired, mocking rearrangement of letters I spin off of my wit to direct everyone to the proper LOGIC of your specific message. I must now suppose you're NOT a penis or a shithead, too.



1st - Mike Keith with:
When I consider every thing that grows


2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Twelve Signs of the Zodiac: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces.
Astrologer crews' idiotic crisis advice is amazing! Each star's arrival brings us, eight percent of a population, a unique course?


3rd - David Bourke with:
The Surgeon General Has Determined That Cigarette Smoking Is Dangerous to Your Health. =
See! Go on! Suck more shit into your lungs, get asthma, and at the end, die right here. Real great!


Maurice Goddard with:
Explorer and archaeologist Thor Heyerdahl's Kon-Tiki Expedition =
Torrid diehard exponent! Exhort OK Callio-Polynesia high sea trek.


Maurice Goddard with:
The ancient Major Oak in Sherwood Forest, Blidworth village, and the Church of St Mary at Edwinstowe. =
Robin Hood wed Maid Marian here. Watch Friar Tuck 'n' Will Scarlet stow vats. Enjoy honest good theft, eh?


Adrian Hickford with:
Thirty days hath September


Adrian Hickford with:
I have never had a piece of toast
Particularly long and wide,
But fell upon the sanded floor,
And always on the buttered side.
A cat lands on its padded feet,
Bravo! On each and every throw.
Fly a plane, with our eerie puss,
And then, bold, full let it go.



Jaybur with:
Gorsafawddachaidraigddanheddogleddollonpenrhynareurdraethceredigion =
Oh dear, oh dear, North Wales: Rearranged, fiddled, I did; changing you, grand, odd place!


Meyran Kraus with:
However loud,
Your Mouth may be...
The unspoken Word,
Is Silence.
From Silence,
Create the
O peer, your on-line racket
Is very low when obscured.
From the muted the unsaid comes whole!


Meyran Kraus with:
O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
My one betrothed fellow, why not renounce that name, forevermore?
Or maybe I should try to be another woman to help, or to guide, our sullen affair.


lastfuture with:
Hey you! Why don't I get nominated ever? Fuck you! That pisses me off! I think my funky fun anagram-oracle was just so good, especially the superb anti windows part. I'm no ufo, no ogre, nom me!
But no, no, no. You don't nominate me, instead I sit, wonder where these ***NOM*** posts are. Why am I ignored? You ga-ga artist people piss me off! Thank you very much! (Yuck, my fu*king jaws fall off) CU!


James H. Young with:
I'm this tiny, hopeless, spoiled, dumb-ass American brat. =
As dense British political humor passes by me. Damn it!



1st - Jaybur with:
The Norwegian artist Edvard Munch =
Driven toward The (haunting) Scream.

2nd - Maurice Goddard with:
The Astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus =
Topic arouses. Earth 'n' moon circle sun.

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Rowan Sebastian Atkinson =
Bean soon ranks as a nitwit.

Wayne Baisley with:
The pioneer neurologist Sigmund Freud =
Touring the impure delusions of gender.

David Bourke with:
Thelma Houston =
Hot soul anthem.

David Bourke with:
Dido (Florian Cloud De Bounevialle Armstrong) =
So artful individual bloomed. (Record: "No Angel")

Larry Brash with:
The pioneer neurologist Sigmund Freud =
Redefining Oedipus urge: no Mother lust!

Larry Brash with:
The pioneer psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud =
Oedipal phase: Funny? Try seducing mothers.

Maurice Goddard with:
The Bielefeldt/Ferguson wedding =
Flitted in need, George W. Bush fled!

David A. Green with:
Count Donatien Alphonse Francois de Sade =
I'd sentence to rod and cane. Ooh, painful ass!

Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Silvio Berlusconi, Prime Minister =
Mussolini reborn: is ever implicit.

Kevin Hale with:
Arthur Negus =
Huge urn star.

Jaybur with:
Sophie Marceau =
O, sure I'm a peach!

Jaybur with:
Isabella Mary Beeton =
I'm as able on yer table!

Meyran Kraus with:
Pioneer Neurologist Sigmund Freud =
Turn in rules of mind: Id, Ego, Super Ego.

Tom Myers with:
Woody Allen, a filmmaker =
Well... I'm loony, mad, a freak.

Rick Rothstein with:
Fidel Castro's Regime =
Freedom's tragic isle.

Mick Tully with:
Willie Carson =
So, I'll win race!


1st - Richard Grantham with:
The Gregorian calendar =
Change error, align date.

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
The Battle of Hastings =
Not the best fight, alas.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Diet Pepsi Cola =
It's acid, people!

David Bourke with:
Acute boils? =
Use Biactol!

Maurice Goddard with:
The Vickers Supermarine Spitfire Fighter Aircraft Rolls Royce Merlin Engine =
Risk a copycat Hitler Messerschmitt? NO! Freer full-rev rip air-fire engineering!

Maurice Goddard with:
The Caribbean ~
Beer-can habit!

Maurice Goddard with:
A Rothmans Kingsize Filtertip =
OK! The first malignant size ~ R.I.P.

Richard Grantham with:
Tutankhamen's Tomb =
Mask, but not the man.

David A. Green with:
Please support the 'Guide Dogs for the Blind Association' =
Train ace hounds to aid sightless people up footbridges.

David A. Green with:
The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals =
They finally stop cat torture - horsey farm evil, too. Nice one!

Ernesto Guiraldes with:
The Aegean island of Lesbos =
Lesbians had fleet, eons ago.

Adrian Hickford with:
Penthouse Magazine =
Ahem! Stage one: unzip.

Jaybur with:
Anadin Ultra Capsules with Ibuprofen =
Ah, not aspirin, but cure a few dull pains!

Tom Myers with:
American Medical Association =
Coma Scenario? I act in maladies.

Len Richards with:
Talisker =

Mick Tully with:
Institute of Management =
'Tame union' time, fat gents!

Mick Tully with:
British Sky Broadcasting =
BBC: is grainy trash to kids!

Mick Tully with:
The Google search engine =
Oh, cheer Net-logging ease!

Mick Tully with:
The Golden Spirit of Skye =
Ye ken it's proof delights?


1st - Larry Brash with:
Accident-proneness - Psychopathological Theory. Mythology or reality?

W. K. Dunbar (1900-59) found that 500 people who had more than one work accident were more likely, statistically, to experience another one than those who never had accidents. Other early research, with outmoded methodology, showed why some people are more prone toward this than others (D. W. Wood, 1930).

Tom Woulf looked at why the "accident-prone person" often was foolhardy, impulsive, drawn to adventure, thrill seeking and excitement. Woulf proved that "he is often in search of immediate pleasure, and was rarely able to postpone gratification".... "He does not know how to look ahead, follow a plan and often harbours projection or strong resentment against authority figures" (Woulf, 1950). This rebellion, one response to strict upbringing in mid-childhood, is "likely to stem from punitive parenting, too" (Don Poweth, 1990): "He grows up being thwarted, unable to tolerate discipline, not even when that self-discipline is required for one's own safety". His inner rules and failed self-control provoke him to "a powerful fight-flight reaction" (Woulf).

Many studies (P. Meek; B. Welpe; V. Mupa; L. Hoi) with a badly designed methodology, demonstrated that most, if not all, accidents are unconsciously intended. In other words, many of these accidents were "undoubtedly a form of acting out" (Meek). The most frequent underlying negative motive might be "guilt, a death-wish or guilt-related self-punitive rage" (Woulf) The physical injury, psychological suffering, low mood, general discomfort and inconvenience, brought about by the accident, are experienced as punishment and will relieve the guilt feeling, at least temporarily (D. B. Wooten, 1923). That type of defence may be interpreted as the primary gain. The secondary gain may be the need to avoid responsibility or work, to be looked after, to obtain money or profit, or just to get attention from other people.

Woulf and Wood both recommended psychotherapy as the preferred treatment method, but, as yet, there is no good thoughtful study to confirm the benefit of these attempts.


My insurance company asked me for more information regarding my work related accident claim. This was my response:

"I can explain why I put down 'poor planning' as the main cause of my accident.

I was working on the top of a 190-foot tower. I had just completed my work, when I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of assorted tools. Rather than carry all of them back down by hand, I decided to lower these items using a pulley. Securing a rope at ground level, I went to the very top of the tower and then loaded the tools into a small barrow. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 300 pounds of tools. You will note in question 19 of the accident report that I weigh 159 pounds.

Due to my complete surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 95-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until my fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. I regained my presence of mind and I was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in question 19.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 95-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. That encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools, so only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 190 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind and let go of the rope..."


2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Ernie Eats Cookies In Bed


3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
The Land of Nod


Bo Bielefeldt with:
Are you interested in participating in a study about friendships? If so, you are invited to participate in a doctoral dissertation study designed to again a better understanding of how face-to-face and Internet friendships are perceived. You will be asked to complete a questionnaire found on the web page listed bellow. Your responses will be kept completely anonymous and your involvement will take no more than one and a half hours.

As a thank you for taking the time to participate in this study, five drawings for $100.00 each will be conducted. To enter the drawing, you must complete the questionnaire and submit your e-mail address as instructed. There will be one winner per 75 participants.

In order to participate in this study, you must be at least 18 years old, a permanent resident of the United States and currently be involved in at least one friendship with someone you met through the Internet and another with someone you did not meet online. The Internet friendship must be solely textually based, that is, no communication or meetings have occurred beyond meeting in chat rooms, using e-mail or any textually based computer-mediated medium. The other friendship must involve face-to-face contact. If you do not meet the above requirements, please ignore this invitation.

To learn more about this research or to participate, please follow this URL link http://www.friendshipsurvey.com

Hala Haidar
M.S., Clinical Psychology


If you think that we properly-educated people at alt.anagrams will participate in this misconstrued pyramid scheme, you are quite incorrect. There is no cash lottery-type deal. Nada! You ignominious, pedophilic arseholes do nothing more than ask 80,000 embarrassing questions laced with crude sexual innuendo, as in the following:

FOOD: Do you prefer a hot dog or taco?

FILM: Who is your favorite fictional character: Dick Tracy or Pussy Galore?

MUSIC: I play both the trombone and trumpet. If I blew you, what sound would you make?

Friendship test... or Internet sex travesty? It's not nuclear science, Einstein! My brunette spouse, Amy Bielefeldt (nee Ferguson), will definitely NOT stand for this. Added, Memphian Penny Hardaway is irrevocably against this Internet smut involvement.

Yet, Ken Van Hoosier (that smarmy teen troll and moron from alt.tv.game-shows) enthuses in homoerotic porn. "I endue in a denim pup tent; it abutted the Ben U. Bennett Book Depot. 'Inchon' was terrible! Viva Las Vegas!" the puppet mused.

Do you understand all nineteen of my reasons yet? This questionnaire is certainly an invitation for disaster. Please don't participate!

Learn more about this royal ripoff at 1-(715)-SCREWED or go to http://www.nude-tunes-ii.com.au/E (Viacom and United Parcel Service endorse this Internet site.)

Good night, America!

Bo R. Bielefeldt
B.A., Middle School Education

P.S.: I abide a teen tenet. I united the tenet, the attitude, and the theme. Unite, fellow literati!


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David Bourke with:
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Maurice Goddard with:
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Mike Keith with:
Canto V, Part XXVI of Lucile by Owen Meredith.


James H. Young with:
Hello Y

This is Theophile Ndabu again.

I'm so glad you're interested in getting information on how you can create an income stream from the explosive growth of the Internet.

What's truly exciting is that today more than ever, anyone can tap in to the Internet and enjoy the countless benefits of owning a home-based business.

Over the next few weeks, I'll share a legitimate opportunity with you that can generate an attractive second income, replace an income... even exceed your current income if you're serious in your approach and willing to do the work.

The traditional methods applied in home-based businesses like meetings, long trainings, rallies, and piles of products have been virtually eliminated.

Although many companies continue to offer these traditional methods, the companies poised for massive growth in the 21st century have migrated to the Internet. I'll be sharing these opportunities with you. I'll show you a way you can have a business of your own that allows you to work at home.

Our time is valuable, but before I let you go, I will make you the following promises:

1. I'm not here to sell, I'm here to educate. My objective is to provide you with honest information that will allow you to make an informed choice.

2. I don't have the power to make you a millionaire overnight. However, I will introduce you to a company that creates financially independent people every day.

3. I will answer your questions respectfully and honestly.

4. No hype.

5. Support. Should you choose to take the next step, I'll do everything possible to help you succeed.


Hello Theophile Ndabu,

This is James Young again. I am the person to whom you sent this very clever, exciting epistle in which you try to pretend to be someone I know. I like the way you called me "Y". I thought that was quite a brilliant, excellent maneuver and it really had me going for a few minutes. Anyway, I would like to take one moment to explain what the report on consumer based, multi-level marketing software development means for the web driven production in our teleconnected industrial economy. Wait one second here! I see you do not know what the hell I'm talking about. I use an eastern dialect called "hogwash" or "phony bullshit". Basically, I just hope to annoy you too with meaningless extra garbage. Does that sound familiar? You see, I find my time is as valuable as your time is (believe it or not) but before I'm willing to let you go I will make the following poetic promises here to hint what will happen to you if you ever even TRY to spam me again.

1. I will shove 12 grapefruits or seventeen other citrus fruits up your butt in one sitting.

2. I will choose to remove one of your poor arms with a spoon and connect one ten-inch piece of rotten cheese there instead.

3. I hope to attach one of your nipples, one toe, and your penis to a Dutch windmill using a hundred yards of cotton anchor rope and three clothespins.

4. You might see one day that your itchy nostrils are permanently sealed with several strips of a hot pine tar concoction.

5. You might find one other day that you have a very live piece of dynamite in the ear canal.

So stop this excessive shit, see?


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