Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2001


1st - Richard Grantham with:
A water-closet =
To clear waste.

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Headstone =
One's death.

3rd - David Bourke with:
Christian values =
Real chauvinists.

Wayne Baisley with:
Fermat's Last Theorem =
Realm of the smartest.

David Bourke with:
Necrotising Fasciitis =
Rot is its significance.

David Bourke with:
Party Political Broadcast =
Bloody capitalist rat-crap.

Richard Brodie with:
Security patrol =
Truly irate cops.

Phil Carmody with:
Make love, not war =
A novel teamwork.

Phil Carmody with:
Endangered Species =
"Dead genes" scene. RIP.

Maurice Goddard with:
Toryish? =

Maurice Goddard with:
French fried potatoes =
For treat: Feed on chips?

Richard Grantham with:
The videocassette recorder =
Set decoder to receive trash.

Richard Grantham with:
Robbing the cradle =
Note: child grabber.

Richard Grantham with:
The wide-screen television =
I notice endless view there.

Richard Grantham with:
A neighbourhood =
I had one borough.

Adrian Hickford with:
A dismal one: =
"I'm sad, alone."

Adrian Hickford with:
Peaceful demonstrations =
No fun, mad riots etc., please.

Adrian Hickford with:
A vulcanologist =
Lava! I go, consult.

Jaybur with:
A hero's welcome =
Oh, we scream "Ole!"

Jaybur with:
Perseverate =
Ever repeats.

Jaybur with:
Burying the hatchet =
Hating the butchery.

Meyran Kraus with:
Dry heat? =

Meyran Kraus with:
Engaged to be married soon =
So, teenage bride and groom?

Meyran Kraus with:
A spider-web =
I'd wrap bees.

Lardy Girl with:
Not found =
No dot-fun.

Tom Myers with:
Oyster stew =
So sweet! Try!

Tom Myers with:
Radiotherapy ~
or death? I pray!

Tom Myers with:
A case of depression =
So proceed as if sane.

Walter Newboldt with:
The garbage man =
Near me? Gag! Bath!

Rick Rothstein with:
Christian values =
I crush evil Satan.


1st - Larry Brash with:
The Impressionist painter, Claude Monet =
He attempts intense colour. I am inspired.

2nd - Tom Myers with:
'Kiss of the Dragon' =
Godforsaken shit!

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Victor Hugo's 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' =
Savour the unmatched gothic French book.

David Bourke with:
The Who bass guitarist John Entwistle =
Giant in lows. Is he just the best, or what?

Maurice Goddard with:
The Song Of Hiawatha =
Who? Oh, that fine saga!

Richard Grantham with:
Chief Inspector E. Morse ~
(from the nice cop series).

Richard Grantham with:
The Australian Cricket Team =
Natural merit - I take catches!

David A. Green with:
'The Virgin Soldiers' by Leslie Thomas =
Ah, his best-seller is long dirty movie.

Adrian Hickford with:
Russian music expert taking his boys to ~
Mussorgsky's 'Pictures at an Exhibition'.

Jaybur with:
Giuseppe Tartini's 'Devil's Trill Sonata' =
Listeners applaud: it's great violinist!

Meyran Kraus with:
Low-Cost Internet consumer? =
Slower connection, trust me...

Walter Newboldt with:
The Mona Lisa =
Ah, I am stolen!

Graham Perkins with:
Dally for tune, ~
Nelly Furtado.


1st - Lardy Girl with:
Etna's eruption =
Nature opens it.

2nd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Napster is dead =
Saddens pirate.

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
President Megawati Sukarnoputri =
Usurper said it meant taking power.

David Bourke with:
Ex-Beatle Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills have announced their engagement =
"Excuse me this, Linda. Be a help! Can I marry a lame one-legged tart, then?"
"Nah, cunt! Never!"

Phil Carmody with:
David Coulthard =
Car halt. Dud. Void.

Don P. Fortier with:
US Representative Gary A. Condit =
You'd get intern ass? Prevaricate!

Adrian Hickford with:
Joe Fagan, Liverpool's ex-manager dies =
An ego falls, joins expired. A game over.

Adrian Hickford with:
Telecoms giant Marconi ~
setting economic alarm.

Jaybur with:
The new Wimbledon Champion: Goran Ivanisevic =
I've plan: when I do booming serve, I can win match!

Meyran Kraus with:
Host of the Two Thousand and Eight Summer Olympics =
Oh, so we tempt China to study models of Human Rights?

Rick Rothstein with:
The raising of the Kursk =
OK! Her true task? Fishing!

William Tunstall-Pedoe with:
The Conservative Party =
Stop naivety: Vet Archer.


1st - Lardy Girl with:
Erotic massage =
Orgasmic tease.

eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Performance anxieties =
Impotence near fair sex.

eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Cheap toilet paper =
Crap! People hate it!

Wayne Baisley with:
Drooping breasts =
Bedraping torsos.

David Bourke with:
Pain up the arse. Or... ~
use Preparation-H.

Don P. Fortier with:
Drooping breasts =
Toe springboards.

Richard Grantham with:
One man's meat is another man's poison =
One man's peas is another man's motion.

Adrian Hickford with:
Drooping breasts =
Direst porno-bags.

Meyran Kraus with:
Using a condom? =
So go in and cum!

Rick Rothstein with:
Strip one's bra... God! ~
Drooping breasts!?!

Mick Tully with:
Pendulous breasts =
Bra unused. Topless!


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
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Tobacco Use:
-Never smoked or used nicotine
-Quit less than 1 yr ago
-Quit 1-3 yrs ago
-Quit 3-5 yrs ago
-Quit over 5 yrs ago
-Currently smoke cigarettes
-Other nicotine use-cigars/pipe/chew/patch

Health Status:
-Excellent: trim and athletic, no medications
-Good: no infirmities and no medications
-Fair: slightly overweight or taking medication
-Poor: have/had a serious health condition

Health conditions?

Prescription medications?

Do you engage in any hazardous activities? (i.e.scuba, skydiving, private pilot, etc.)

Did your parents or siblings have heart disease or cancer prior to age 60?


Quoted from the NRA Application Questionnaire:




-Under 15
-Over 63

-High School

Monthly Gun-Budget:
-Over a hundred G's
-Over nine hundred G's

Are You a Man?
-Shit, yes
-No, but I'm becomin' one next week

Are You a Republican?

Complete this sentence: "Immigrants are..."
-Quite sweet
-A menace to our country
-Target practice

Complete this sentence: "A paranoid is..."
-An imaginative man
-Always prepared

Most Prized Possession:
-A boycotted dynamite load
-10 D.U.I. reports
-A dagger collection
-A '53 Dodge

A Movie/TV Icon:
-Rocky I
-Rocky II
-Rocky IV
-The Three Stooges

Which of these phrases is 'Politically Incorrect'?
-Nosy Chinks
-Spotty Niggers
-Pansy-Ass Faggots
-Voodoo Indians
-Lovely Nazis
-Gee, ain't nuttin' here politely incorrected

You can intermit a theft by...
-Alertin' a squad car
-Needlin' each of the bastard's eyes
-Forcin' the demon to eat his own gonads

It's wrong to hunt...
-If the animal is unique
-If I run out of ammunition
-This isn't a realistic situation.


2nd - Don P. Fortier with:
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52 weeks each year,
Some base act crawls in here.
Almost every other day,
I could shovel stuff away.

I could see SPAM from the start:
Such an odd idiotic fart.
No one needed you around,
So bug off, cheesy clown!

Except for a simple mind,
I guarantee you'll find
0 interest, (not a whit!)
In that "secret coupon" shit.

Even *I'll* avoid... those easily annoyed. :-)


3rd - Larry Brash with:
Network Solutions - a Verisign Company =
Look, sinners, you can view rotting spam!


David Bourke with:
MEN! Stop Being Ashamed Of Your Penis Size!
WOMEN! Get This For Your Boyfriend/Husband!



I tried out this cheapy 'Perk-On-Eze' growing serum, and now my nob's only one half the size it was before! Fuck, I'm bloody embarrassed!


Dan Fortier with:
So you have posted this message on at least 100 newsgroups. =
O gee, assholes: Spam us over Net and you get host ISP swat!



1st - Richard Grantham with:
When I do count the clock that tells the time


2nd - David Bourke with:
The Lord's Prayer


3rd - Jaybur with:
Be not like the child in ALL ways, child


Larry Brash with:
Hi! How are you? I send you this file in order to have your advice. See you later. Thanks. =
Ah, here is one, a nasty one, i.e. a little virus. Oh, you see why I'd fuck your hard drive, too?


David A. Green with:
Christopher Lee's autobiography 'Tall, Dark and Gruesome' =
Thespian makes up a bloodthirsty Dracula role... Gorge her!


Meyran Kraus with:
Britney Spears: E-mail My Heart



1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Yasmin Le Bon =
Mainly bones.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Pietro Mascagni =
Isn't opera magic?

3rd - David A. Green with:
Not many forget ~
Margot Fonteyn.

David Bourke with:
Woody Allen, the film director. (Allen Stewart Konigsberg) =
Sweet little flirt Soon-Yi? Bollocked her raw 'n' ragged, man!

Phil Carmody with:
Mia Farrow =
Aim for WAR!

Richard Grantham with:
Malley's just a damn charade, wrote ~
James McAuley and Harold Stewart.

David A. Green with:
The famous English artist Laurence Stephen Lowry =
Yes, 'e prefers the gaunt South Lancashire mill town.

David A. Green with:
Agnar Mykle, the famous Norwegian writer =
Man who men know as great literary figure.

David A. Green with:
Arthur Schopenhauer =
Here's crap Hun author.

Jaybur with:
The philosopher and poet Kahlil Gibran =
All-inspiring 'Prophet' book hath healed.

Lardy Girl with:
Al Di Meola =
A male idol.

Tom Myers with:
Chet Atkins -- Mr. Guitar =
Grim truth -- in a casket.

Tom Myers with:
Representative Condit =
Is rotten deviant creep.

Rick Rothstein with:
Richie Sambora =
Charisma? I bore!


1st - Jaybur with:
Ego Boost Bra =
O, great boobs!

2nd - David Bourke with:
Colonel Sanders' Kentucky Fried Chicken =
Foul skinny cocks enriched late redneck.

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra =
Horn, chime, harp, brilliant score.

Meyran Kraus with:
Staten Island University Hospital =
Institution prays and saves the ill.

Lardy Girl with:
School of the Americas =
A coach of some Hitlers.

Rick Rothstein with:
Oxfordshire =
Horrid foxes.


1st - Larry Brash with:
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Permanently cripple your insane nephew or slip one's penis in your nice cute niece, nineteen.
Poison your myopic grandmother, ninety.
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Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake.
In the cauldron boil and bake:
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digg'd i' the dark,
Liver of blaspheming Jew,
Gall of goat and slips of yew
Sliver'd in the moon eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tartar's lips,
Finger of a birth-strangled babe
Ditch deliver'd by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab:
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our cauldron.
Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.


2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Suicide Off Egg Rock by Sylvia Plath, anagrammed into a depiction of Plath's own suicide.


3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Peace by Henry Vaughan, anagrammed into paraphrases of three existing poems also related to roses.


David Bourke with:
The Grand Old Duke Of York


David Bourke with:
The Queen of Hearts


Maurice Goddard with:
Under a spreading chestnut-tree


Maurice Goddard with:
We stood upon the grass beside the road


Meyran Kraus with:
Matthew Arnold: Shakespeare



This month's challenge was to anagram the first stanza of "The Village Blacksmith" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow into a new poem about a different occupation.

Under a spreading chestnut-tree
The village smithy stands;
The smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.

1st - Richard Grantham with:
Within a tubby grandma's legs
An intern gyno stands;
If he gives the hairy clam a smear
And then inspects her glands,
The matron surely starts to muse,
"I wish he'd warmed his hands."

2nd - Larry Brash with:
By a brothel's wan red light,
An untidy harlot waits.
She's a nymph, lady of the night,
Advertising her cash rates.
What sin turns man's mind, she can dismiss;
Men are smug degenerates.

3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Amidst the many tangl'd sheets
An anagrammist lies.
The 'gram begun, she hardly eats,
Try "northward", "snow-blind eyes".
A phrase miscast, now turn and churn
"I've finished it!" she sighs.

Click here for the full list of nominations in this category.

The Anagrammy Awards