Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2007
1st - David Bourke with:
Breastfeeding in public places =
Presenting babies a filled C-cup!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Chemical castration of paedophiles =
It can help calm desire of a sociopath.
3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Monastery life =
I try no females.
Adie Pena with:
We all wept as the nations Israel and ~
Palestine went into a war sad as hell.
View with:
Livres =
Silver.
Andrew Brehaut with:
The Islamic countries ‡
use Catholic minister.
Michael Stephens with:
to ashamed to give his name =
Mismanage soviet hothead.
Tony Crafter with:
Expression of love =
Explosion of verse.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The born agnostic ~
began, "No to Christ".
Adie Pena with:
Maroon onyx =
An oxymoron.
Adie Pena with:
Dr Martens fires ad agency =
Re: 'Fact' ran my dead singers.
sundogg99 with:
A two-bit hooker ~
wrote a hit book.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Undocumented aliens =
Uncounted ladies/men.
Ellie Dent with:
The sales promotion =
Promise a lot ... honest!
Tom Myers with:
Sports cream =
Sorest cramp.
Tom Myers with:
Severe weather =
Trees wave here.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Under the water =
Tuna drew there.
Rosie Perera with:
What is defenestration? =
A swift or intense death.
Paul Pan with:
Funeral march ‡
Charm & real fun!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Once, pens record ~
correspondence.
Neil Ramsay with:
Inconsiderately ~
or nicely instead.
Paul Pan with:
Democracy =
YMCA credo.
Paul Pan with:
Country dame ~
courted many.
Adie Pena with:
Country-made ~
documentary.
Adie Pena with:
Premonitions =
Into minor ESP.
David Bourke with:
A wildlife documentary =
We tire of cuddly animal!
Tony Crafter with:
Burn the midnight oil ~
in the moribund light.
Ellie Dent with:
The environmental issues =
Oil, even sunshine, matters.
Rosie Perera with:
The "Terrible Twos" =
Bitterest howler.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Slightly rude ~
thrilled guys.
Adie Pena with:
Gynecomastia: Enlarged male breasts =
May set an embarrassing decolletage.
View with:
International =
Learn it in NATO?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Extensively drug-resistant tuberculosis =
Verily, disease obstructs texture in lungs.
Adie Pena with:
Breast-shaped shampoo dispensers =
See as man presses his odd bath prop.
Rosie Perera with:
Partial nudity ‡
I, in adult party.
Tony Crafter with:
Oh no! Clumsy git! =
Losing my touch.
Rosie Perera with:
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder" =
The inebriated youth see hero feebly.
Tom Myers with:
your granola bar's ingredients list =
raisin, berry, golden grains (salt out).
Paul Pan with:
Bosom buddies ~
did muse boobs.
Tom Myers with:
Too much wine =
I touch women!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Fatherhood ‡
for hothead.
Richard Grantham with:
The winter solstice =
Ice litters the snow.
Rosie Perera with:
The Sanitation Department =
A tenant emptied trash on it.
Andrew Brehaut with:
The Iron Age =
Ingot era, eh?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Don't get clueless, ~
college students!
Neil Ramsay with:
Venture capitalist =
Patent is lucrative.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Funeral directors ~
conferred rituals.
Neil Ramsay with:
Our elders =
Older? Sure!
Christopher Sturdy with:
To be grandfatherly =
Ban the grey old fart!
Rosie Perera with:
To have respect for one's elders, ~
never refer to death, cesspools.
Rosie Perera with:
The life insurance ~
fuels inheritance.
View with:
His harem =
Share him.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Wolf pack =
Paw flock.
David Bourke with:
Stereophonic sound =
Nice, sonorous depth.
Paul Pan with:
Strippers' code =
Esprit de corps.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The monastic life =
It's no female itch.
Meyran Kraus with:
A monastic life =
Fact is, I'm alone.
Meyran Kraus with:
The monastic life ~
of theistical men.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Russian spy networks ~
know nasty surprises.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Transit into a ~
train station.
Meyran Kraus with:
The game of Russian Roulette =
I must fear one slug to the ear.
Adie Pena with:
Ten fingers belong at an Irish pub scene ~
balancing three pints of Guinness beer.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Last novel of the Harry Potter series =
Her 'Part Seven' of a little hero's story.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Casino + three + ten =
"Ocean's Thirteen".
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Guidelines for the Pastoral Care of the Road =
Shalt thou feel good to speed in a Ferrari car?
View with:
The 'Live Earth' concerts =
Recent vocal hits there.
Adie Pena with:
'The Assault on Reason' by Al Gore =
So go analyse a real rotten Bush.
Adie Pena with:
Damien Hirst's 'For The Love of God' =
Those diamonds of light ... forever!
Tony Crafter with:
The late American actress Marilyn Monroe =
Rather coy, nice mammaries, no real talents.
Scott Gardner with:
The Diary of Anne Frank =
Fear of Aryan kind then.
David Bourke with:
The USA pop singer Prince Rogers Nelson =
He gets responses crooning 'Purple Rain'.
Tom Myers with:
Ocean's Thirteen =
Enter the Casino.
Adie Pena with:
"Ocean's Thirteen" =
On a recent heist.
Tom Myers with:
Nancy Drew Mysteries =
My teen is darn screwy.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Agnes Robertson Moorehead =
One gets her broom as Endora.
Adie Pena with:
The Tony Awards ~
started. Oh, yawn.
Tom Myers with:
Many now croon ~
"No Woman, No Cry"
Adie Pena with:
Emma Roberts as "Nancy Drew" =
Actress wore my "brand name".
Tom Myers with:
Plan Nine from Outer Space =
Encounters appear on film.
Scott Gardner with:
The Princess Bride, by William Goldman =
Robin Wright played clean-limbed miss.
Scott Gardner with:
The Professor Gilderoy Lockhart ‡
Glee for Harry Potter schoolkids.
Paul Pan with:
Hillary Clinton theme song: ~
'Lengthy One Thrills Monica'.
Adie Pena with:
The Spice Girls Reunion Tour =
Use 'No Return' policies, right?
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Spice Girls are planning a Reunion Tour =
Posh "I can't sing a tune" - large error in line up.
David Bourke with:
The Spice Girls in a reunion tour =
Hail our unerotic, inept singers!
Adie Pena with:
"Ratatouille" =
Our "tail" tale.
Andrew Brehaut with:
The Authors Rene Goscinny and Albert Uderzo ~
rendered neat north Gaulish cartoon, by Zeus!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Michael Moore's "Sicko" =
I so mock HMO care lies.
Adie Pena with:
Uh, I did see a fat Marlon Brando ~
in a bad 'The Island of Dr Moreau.'
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Sunrise at Stonehenge =
See the season turning.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Salman Rushdie is knighted =
Islam and Kurdish seething.
Eq.3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Paris Hilton Free =
Left prison, I hear.
Eq.3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Tony Blairs last day in power =
Today, Brown's plan is reality!
Rosie Perera with:
Robert Alan Soloway's Newport Internet Marketing =
We'll arrest & book a rotten annoying 'net spam writer.
Adie Pena with:
1. Clinton
2. Edwards
3. Obama =
1. Woman
2. Discard
3. Notable
Rosie Perera with:
"Paris Hilton Reports to the Big House" =
Hotel heiress pouts: "probation, right?"
Adie Pena with:
"Paris Hilton Reports to the Big House" =
Sure hit! Hip hotel brat goes to prison.
Scott Gardner with:
"Spare the rod and spoil the child" ‡
Speech Paris Hilton told her dad.
David Bourke with:
Latrines are polished, ~
Paris Hilton released.
Rosie Perera with:
U.S. immigration reform bill dealt major blow =
Time for militarism & jumbo wall along border.
Richard Grantham with:
Shalt imprison ~
Ms Paris Hilton.
Rosie Perera with:
Paris Whitney Hilton =
Why lie in that prison?!
Paul Pan with:
Paris Hilton ‡
I halt prison.
Tony Crafter with:
Lewis Hamilton has won the Canadian Grand Prix =
What an inspiring climax, and now the lad's a hero!
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Model Paris Hilton =
I am the prison doll.
Rosie Perera with:
The libido-reducing drug =
Behold, it did cure urging.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Model Paris Hilton =
Admit porno is hell.
Rosie Perera with:
Barack Obama versus Hillary Clinton for President =
Early cranks vote poor Bill "American First Husband."
View with:
Pentagon leaders' ambition =
End to Palestinian embargo.
David Bourke with:
Joanne Gilbert =
"Linen job? Great!"
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Segolene Royal and Francois Hollande =
Each alone sad: no longer loyal friends.
Andrew Brehaut with:
The winner of the PGA's US Open Angel Cabrera =
Golf's new hero can sharpen up a beaten Tiger!
Rosie Perera with:
Tony Blair to convert to Catholicism =
O Christ! I'll not boycott Rome, Vatican.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Christopher Wayne Hudson ~
shot hero and we cry "Punish!"
Neil Ramsay with:
Brown knew parties' loyalties =
Tony Blair's last week in power.
Rick Rothstein with:
Larry King to interview Paris Hilton =
I ran girl in priority talk show event.
David Bourke with:
"Miracles are hard to come by in Britain" =
Tony Blair American dream is to be rich.
Rick Rothstein with:
Larry King to Interview Paris Hilton =
Rank this girl low in a priority event.
Adie Pena with:
Less cocoa butter, more cheap fat =
Tamperers cut base of chocolate.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Number Ten Downing Street =
Tenement Brown trudges in.
David Bourke with:
Blair's last day =
A silly bastard!
Rosie Perera with:
Paris Hilton released from prison =
Millions read reports of her pains.
Rosie Perera with:
The fashion designer Liz Claiborne dies =
One leading rare clothes biz is finished.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Blair quits =
Iraq's built.
Tony Crafter with:
Tim Henman crashes out of Wimbledon yet again =
His humbling defeats are now common at any tie.
Adie Pena with:
It is June and you're a bride. ~
I'd bet Junior's due in a year!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The CNN interviewer Larry King =
Wrinkly thing can never retire.
2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Vladimir Putin, George Bush and Tony Blair =
Main Soviet, blurry dope and laughing Brit.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Lewis Hamilton =
Me? I won all this?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Giuseppe Arcimboldo =
I do propel cubism age.
Rosie Perera with:
Inventor William Bradford Shockley =
...and from work, birthed Silicon Valley.
Adie Pena with:
Marion Michael Morrison (the actor John Wayne): ~
"Oh, I'm a manly (a major criterion!) Western honcho."
sundogg99 with:
"Iron Chef" Mario Batali =
Hi, fat macaroni-boiler!
Andrew Brehaut with:
The President of the USA =
Deep-set southern faith.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Paris Whitney Hilton =
Ain't I plenty whorish!
Ellie Dent with:
The children's author Enid Mary Blyton =
Homely read: hardly unBritish content.
David Bourke with:
The actress Robin Wright Penn =
Heart-throb's winning respect!
Ellie Dent with:
Actress Miss Elizabeth Taylor =
Theatre star: I symbolize class.
View with:
Actress Maria Magdalene Dietrich =
America-star hides German dialect.
Richard Grantham with:
Miss Lindsay Dee Lohan =
No idea she's damn silly.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Robert Kubica =
But I broke car.
Tony Crafter with:
World-ranked tennis player Amelie Mauresmo =
Reputedly a real woman? More like man in dress!
Tom Myers with:
Naomi Watts =
Woman's a tit.
View with:
Model Paris Hilton =
Poor mind is lethal.
Adie Pena with:
Model Paris Hilton =
Trollopish maiden.
Dee4j with:
Heiress Paris Hilton =
She is real prison hit.
Neil Ramsay with:
Cricketer Sir Ian Botham =
Heroic trickier batsman.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Mister George Bush ~
bugs other regimes.
Neil Ramsay with:
The American President: George Walker Bush =
Here's a pure detestable warmongering hick.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
James Gordon Brown =
Job doer's wrong man.
David Bourke with:
Wendy Salisbury =
Absurdly sinewy.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Wendy Salisbury =
New sir, busy lady?
Rick Rothstein with:
Wrestler Chris Benoit =
O Christ! Terrible news.
David Bourke with:
The fashion designer Stella McCartney =
Chic style? (Else trading on father's name!)
1st - Ellie Dent with:
London Olympic Games =
Simply condemn a logo?
Eq.2nd - Paul Pan with:
Her orbs wanted ~
the Wonderbras.
Eq.2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The London Olympic Games =
Only champions meet gold.
Adie Pena with:
Max Factor cosmetics ~
cram most toxic faces!
Tom Myers with:
eHarmony.com =
Romance, oh my!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Peloponnesian War =
War on people in Athens.
Scott Gardner with:
The Peloponnesian War =
We help no one in Sparta.
View with:
United States of America =
Inside, a true taste of Mac.
Tony Crafter with:
The Woodstock Music And Art Fair =
Christ! We took acid on a stud-farm!
Rosie Perera with:
Second Life, a virtual world by Linden Lab =
I'll bid low, deal, buy land (on server, in fact).
Rosie Perera with:
Kruger National Park, South Africa =
Take or plan safari in a rough truck.
Rosie Perera with:
People Magazine's "Bachelor of the Year" =
Oh, cool! Peep at amazing abs freely here.
Adie Pena with:
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc. =
Go dunk my kitchen surprise!
Andrew Brehaut with:
Stansted Airport in Uttlesford =
Transit field used to transport.
Adie Pena with:
The Bare-Breasted Standing Liberty Quarter =
Regrettably, the tits required a ban. Send bra!
Andrew Brehaut with:
Brisbane International Airport =
It ran planes airborne to Britain.
Sir T. Aucscua with:
The AnagramArtist software =
Wring "STAR" to "TSAR" a feat?! Ahem.
Rosie Perera with:
American Name Society =
I notice Mary's a menace.
Rosie Perera with:
Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization =
Searching for giant is deliberate -- for zoo!
Adie Pena with:
Latrine is not clean in ~
Continental Airlines!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Palestinian Territories =
Partition the Israelis enter
Tony Crafter with:
The Rhine Valley =
"Heavenly!" (Hitler)
Meyran Kraus with:
Saint Peter's Cathedral =
Sacred Latin past there.
David Bourke with:
The Gibson Les Paul Standard Signature =
A ten-pound guitar...G'n'R Slash's ideal best.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The ABC network says it had chosen to find a new title for the show "Sam I Am" due to a threat it recieved, written by Dr. Seuss lawyers =
That letter stated: "We forbid it on the air. We forbid it everywhere. Ditch that name and show some class, we can sue your stinky ass!"
2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
"The Social Norm of Leaving the Toilet Seat Down: A Game Theoretic Analysis" =
FORMAL NOTICE: Actively aiming that wee shot on the loo seat angers ladies.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The late Diana, The Princess of Wales - those pictures of her last moments. =
Let news-editors accept that photos of her final minutes are shameless.
Adie Pena with:
"Abominable. Loyal, blind, apparently subservient." (Carter) =
Improbably, a venerable president calls Tony Blair a nut.
sundogg99 with:
There is a very fine line between a "hobby" and a "mental illness", is there not? =
One new tabby? Harmless, not a disability, eh? Nineteen felines? Let her rave.
Christopher Sturdy with:
I Want to Spend the Rest of My Life Everywhere, with Everyone, One to One, Always, Forever, Now=
I love Damien Hirst. He offers Tate very novel, 'eye-of-newt', 'newsworthy', 'wow', 'eye-opener' art, no?
David Bourke with:
The Century Regional Detention Facility, Lynwood, California =
Incarcerate a young Hilton, dry, in a two-foot cell...indefinitely!
sundogg99 with:
Take a horny schoolboy; add a naughty, bust-shaking 'tween' minx too, ~
and what do you get? "My Sharona", that obnoxious single by The Knack.
Adie Pena with:
Le sculpteur celebre Monsieur Frederic Auguste Bartholdi =
He builds cupric green Statue de la Liberte for more U.S. lucre.
Rosie Perera with:
The "undisclosed medical condition" that released Paris Hilton from prison =
One's ill? NOT! Addicted slut icon has her period and cries, "Mom! Help! It's not fair!"
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
You cannot step twice into the same river; for fresh waters are ever flowing in upon you =
Not Heraclitus of Ephesus reporting your own wet feet can verify rain is water on move?
Christopher Sturdy with:
Chief Executive of British American Tobacco, Paul Adams =
He accepts a ban, but: "I relax if I've a chic custom roof I made"
David Bourke with:
The President of the United States of America, George Walker Bush =
Upset...some Albanian street thief (or Greek dude!) got his watch, free.
David Bourke with:
The hotel chain heiress and model Miss Paris Whitney Hilton =
In short, once she had done her time, all inmates with syphilis!
David Bourke with:
The Formula One United States Grand
Prix, Indianapolis Motor Speedway =
Lewis Hamilton destroys! Podium top
again...exasperated Fernando in rut.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts =
Oft music lovers gather tents by farm for long open-air party.
David Bourke with:
The Labour Party's leaders, Gordon Brown and Harriet Harman =
Him: A drab, dull tyrant we so abhorred.
Her: An arrogant person.
David Bourke with:
"Be careful what you say - I have some very effluential friends!" =
Ie: Any shy female over fifty. (Sue R....D. Rain...F. Lush...Eva Cuate...B. Owel...)
Adie Pena with:
Paris Hilton's "undisclosed" medical ailment is finally bared =
Frilly maiden claimed and insisted illness: Claustrophobia!
Adie Pena with:
"Prison strip search was the most humiliating experience of my life!" =
As if my "Meet Paris Hilton" sex clip pastimes weren't horrific enough.
David Bourke with:
The new Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling =
Rich arse earning a few quid? Oh, he'll collect extra then!
Adie Pena with:
Actor Tom Cruise portrays Col. Claus Schenk von Stauffenberg in the movie "Valkyrie"? =
Never! Can't star! Kick him out! Harmful controversy prevails because of Scientology.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
America
by Samuel F. Smith
My country, 'tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing;
Land where my fathers died,
Land of the pilgrims' pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
=
The Divide
Prince Charles
God bless my noble mum,
Defend my tender mum, long may she rule;
I'm far too daft to reign,
It is a royal pain,
I'd rather settle free of strife
With my fine, shy wife!
2nd - David Bourke with:
America
by Samuel F. Smith
My country, 'tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing;
Land where my fathers died,
Land of the pilgrims' pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
=
I'd die for mighty Scotland,
My fiery, haggis-fueled land,
Of Robert Burns fame...
Tartan, fifes, Simple Minds,
Unemployment, thrift,
Distilleries everywhere...
Wee dram time? Och aye the noo!
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
America
by Samuel F. Smith
My country, 'tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing;
Land where my fathers died,
Land of the pilgrims' pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
=
Me, Me and Me
by Yours Truly
**Fanfare**
I love Me. I really do.
Wow!
I'm effortlessly perfect.
I'm different. I'm grand.
I built and finished Earth.
My Son is Christ,
The Greatest Hope.
I'm God.
The End.
Rosie Perera with:
Narnia
By C.S. Lewis
My realm through the wardrobe,
Stuff of my imagination,
Immersed in mystery.
Land of the lion's rule,
Land of perfect themes;
I'd die if it ever perished
Yet God left me.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Aussie
In my shirt and my thongs
I am in the dry billabong, for I prefer it here.
I'm a world from silly Fleet Street
Where huffy TC and David meet
to cuddle Fergie's feet. Pommies annoy me!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Middle East
Fifty dying Israel infidels
Fifty more Palestine cheers
Family men must fight terrorism
We demand you must fight crime
Over the border
Abandon hope, all ye who enter
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Benedict's Hymn/Song
Vatican, Holy See
Infinite realm for me
Do feel Might, pray!
Realm to affirm Hell fire
Realm without women's hire
Or fuddy-duddy priests desire ...
Fittest men, be gay!
Tony Crafter with:
Prayer
by Chelsy Davy
Protect dumb Harry's life,
Seeing it well from strife, deem me a wife;
Send him not off to grief,
Out in the Middle East,
He should remain in England if ... it's to marry me!
View with:
Israel
by View
My Israel so nice;
State of all religions together,
State of difference and similitude,
Reminder of the old, yet modern...
Happy rhythms mumming...
Why arm, friend?
...
Buffeted
Adie Pena with:
My shining nestled Manila
Sets off flights of tied memory.
Where EDSA mightily runs free,
Where every trodden Filipino
Dreamt, embraced, protected
My beautiful Manila of history.
Paul Pan with:
My few men, commit:
Fight erect, firm!
Or be delivered,
On your shield,
In Elysian fog.
My men, Gods,
Defend Thermopylae!
I, Leonidas,
Rebuff their ultimata!
Flee, shrewd tyrant!
This is Sparta!
Adie Pena with:
Vatican City
by the Pope
Yes, it's similar to being in a Fellini film fest,
Regretful myths made with murder, greed.
Am I offended, ruffled, sorry? Hey, let 'em!
When in Rome do as the Romans do!
Adie Pena with:
My Los Angeles
by Paris Hilton
Is there discrimination
Here in my stuffy L.A.?
Empty the flimflammed wife?
Theft and murder?
Gosh! You're free, tomfool!
Drive inebriated
And get screwed!
Ellie Dent with:
England
by I D Dolt
Oh pray for my isle, I'd say
All here must testify, home of the free.
If weather is dry and fine,
If not grim in summertime,
Then Lord give us Wimbledon's perfect cream tea!
Don Rogers with:
Site Comedy
Flimflammers cry, "Wave flags! Trample rights!"
Pride off, strength diminished, yet --
If you deem our nation busted now,
Remember they're not finished yet!
All Hail Freedonia!
Meyran Kraus with:
My Hymn for Dear France
My charming Froggie-Ville!
I spied in it a mystery sublime:
Why in thee, land of the Metro,
The Eiffel Tower and Bardot,
Are streets indeed so full of stupid mimes?!
1st - Tony Crafter with:
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house. Afterwards, the ladies went into the kitchen and Bob, one of the men, said, "We tried an excellent restaurant last night, I would recommend it."
"What is the name?" said the other man.
Bob thought deeply and said, "Just a minute ... what's that flower you give a girl? ... it's red and, um, thorny."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it," he replied, then turned to the kitchen and called, "Rose! What's the name of that restaurant we visited last night?"
=
The couple in the well-lit restaurant had eaten dinner and the waiter was attentively pouring them a third glass of white wine. As he tilted their bottle, he noticed the gentleman suddenly slide off his chair and disappear.
So, not wanting to attract undue attention, the waiter remarked conversationally to the lady, "Excuse me madam, it seems your husband is under the table."
"Oh, no he's not," retorted the ashen-faced woman. "My husband has just walked through the door!"
2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
An Englishman walks into his local pub with a cat and an emu by his side.
When he gets into the bar he orders a pint of lager for himself, a soft drink for the big emu and a drink of gin and tonic for the cat.
As the barmaid reaches her hand out for the money, the cat starts yelling, "Hey, you! Give him the check and get me another drink of gin and tonic!"
This goes on a few rounds. The barmaid, wondering what the heck is going on, approaches the man and asks him.
"I don't think you'll ever believe me," he says, sadly. "But you're sure to get a laugh out of this story anyway."
"I was out taking my dog for a little walk this morning when I found this little genie stuck in a huge cobweb. I helped him out and cleaned all of the gunky cobwebs off him. Before he disappeared into a puff of thin air, he granted me my wish."
"And what was your wish?" asked the barmaid.
"I asked for a bird with very long legs and a tight little pussy."
=
Two mates are out playing a golf match at Buckingham when, whilst halfway up the twelfth fairway, one asked his friend if he had a light.
"I sure do," and brings out a new twelve inch phallic Bic lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend, "Where'd you get that?"
"From my genie."
"You have your own genie?" he asked.
"Yeah, right here in my bag."
"Can I see him?"
He opens his tartan golf bag and a ratty genie sprang loose.
The friend says, "Hi, can you grant me a wish?"
"No problem," retorted the genie.
The man asks for million bucks. The genie hops back off into the bag and, agitated, the man waits on his return.
Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard.
Dumbfounded, the friend affronts his mate, "But I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"
His mate hoots, "Oops, I forgot to tell you something important - his drawback. He's hard at hearing. Do you really think that I wanted a twelve inch Bic?"
3rd - Adie Pena with:
A Brit, a Scot and a Filipino, all hopelessly loveless, are in a bar having a drink when this hottest shapely lady comes up to them and says, "Hey! Whoever uses the words LIVER and CHEESE stylishly in a sentence can have gorgeous me for the entire night."
~
The Brit says, "I love LIVER and CHEESE." She replies, "Hmm... banal and trashy; that's not good enough!"
The Scot says, "I hate LIVER and CHEESE." She responds, "That's awkwardly worn, pal... not creative enough!"
Finally, the Filipino says, "Guys, LIVER alone, CHEESE mine!"
Adie Pena with:
I Love Paris
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A Superscription
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Candle in the Wind
3rd - David Bourke with:
My Favorite Things
sundogg99 with:
[An anagrammed palindrome]
Nurse, I spy gypsies - run! =
Spry guy sees ruin, nips.
Tony Crafter with:
Hips Don't Lie
Adie Pena with:
My Mammy
Richard Grantham with:
Ice litters the snow,
The cold weather ~
cowled the earth;
The winter solstice.
Tony Crafter with:
Georgia On My Mind
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A female porno star on film =
Performs fellatio on a man.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A lesbian with a lethal lisp ~
is what I'll label a thespian.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The Canadian male prostitute Jeffrey Chevalier =
An oil chief ejaculated in my fat arse, the pervert!
Andrew Brehaut with:
Performing the sexual act of cunnilingus =
I can tongue minx's fanciful hole - get purrs.
View with:
An erotic thriller =
Her clit in 'art-role'
Adie Pena with:
His grey adult arse ~
rears its ugly head
Idea Pane with:
Queers got ~
grotesque
Richard Grantham with:
Ms Paris Whitney Hilton ‡
Isn't simply a thin whore.
Richard Grantham with:
Anal sex at noon taxes Lana =
No latex, an ass, an axe talon.
Tony Crafter with:
Man-eating rhinoceros ~
has a morning erection!
Rick Rothstein with:
Actress Katherine Heigl =
Her large tits shake nice!
sundogg99 with:
High colonics as a therapeutic tool =
A too-hip cure. I gotta clinch asshole.
Meyran Kraus with:
Porno film's female star =
Perform mass-fellation.