SEPTEMBER, 2007 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2007

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Sweet words =
WOW! Dessert!

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Soul-destroying =
Surely isn't good.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Erotic sexual paintings =
Intoxicating pleasures.

Paul Pan with:
Lungs' tobacco ire =
Close, but no cigar!

View with:
The most beautiful girl in the world =
True unforgettable doll is with him.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Housing market crash =
Ushering a stock harm.

Scott Gardner with:
Diamonds are a girl's best friend =
Slogan aids De Beers firm, darn it!

Adie Pena with:
See certain lives on ~
a television screen.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Osama Bin Laden advises The States to convert ~
to basic Islam soon and avert these vendettas.

David Bourke with:
Intolerance of gays =
Ignorance of a style.

Meyran Kraus with:
A silver mink stole =
Remove all its skin.

Tony Crafter with:
The bachelor-life =
He'll cohabit free!

Tony Crafter with:
The trained marksman =
Ranked master hit-man

Tony Crafter with:
Sailor's delight =
Laid those girls!

Neil Ramsay with:
The eight iron =
Oh, it hit green!

Adie Pena with:
Deoxyribonucleic acid =
i.e. crucial "x" code in body

Adie Pena with:
Electric chair executions
Real circuit excites con, eh? ;-)

sundogg99 with:
Antidisestablishmentarianism =
Isn't this an idle mainstream bias?

Ellie Dent with:
It is ruined! =
I insured it!

Jesse Frankovich with:
Mates organise ~
mnages trois.

Andrew Brehaut with:
On the second wedding anniversaries =
Wine, dine, verse, roses and hot dancing.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Unleaded gasoline =
Use a gallon, indeed.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Advice columnists ~
counsel sad victim.

Tony Crafter with:
The castaways =
Stay. Watch sea

Christopher Sturdy with:
I feel Earth's led ~
a sheltered life

David Bourke with:
Catering staff ~
crafting feast

Richard Grantham with:
A torture chamber =
Beat or cut her arm.

Rosie Perera with:
Presidential debate =
Deliberate spin date.

Rosie Perera with:
Military junta =
A militant jury

Rick Rothstein with:
Brutal despot =
Troubled past ?


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece, 'Mona Lisa' =
I am a smiler posed on canvas, created in oil.

Eq2nd - Ellie Dent with:
William Shakespeare, the Bard of Stratford. =
A writer has rare old poems that baffle kids.

Eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Luciano Pavarotti's 'Nessun Dorma' =
A rotund Latin man's voice soars up

View with:
Michael Praetorius =
I hear real top music.

Adie Pena with:
The Police's frontman, singer and bass guitarist ~
'Sting' is the praisable, fantastic Gordon Sumner.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Miss Teen South Carolina ~
is not smart, i.e., has no clue.

Jesse Frankovich with:
"The Fat Smash Diet" by Ian K. Smith ~
said, "Make them thin by this fast."

Scott Gardner with:
The Lion Sleeps Tonight =
Hit single? Let's hope not!

Meyran Kraus with:
The striptease dancer =
That career needs tips.

View with:
Sting and 'The Police' =
Taped nice long hits

Ellie Dent with:
Dickens: 'Oliver Twist, or the Parish Boy's Progress.' =
This poor kid; where social poverty brings stress.

View with:
Singer Luciano Pavarotti =
Curtains to a living opera

Jesse Frankovich with:
Pavarotti, Domingo, and Carreras =
Savor a damn grand operatic trio.

Meyran Kraus with:
A Raphael drawing, 'The Sistine Madonna' =
Angel pair sat with a maiden and her son.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" =
We still prize and ape heavy notes.

Neil Ramsay with:
women's magazines
some amazing news

sundogg99 with:
Gilligan's Island =
Lad is signalling

Paul Pan with:
Alicia Silverstone =
A vile silicone star

Paul Pan with:
'Broadway Musical Anagrami' by Lawrence Goldberg =
Gaydar-wobble concurs: Anagrammy Award-eligible!


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The late Princess Diana's Memorial Service =
Camilla's secret pain - "She is revered. I am not."

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Burmese protesters =
Street-mob pressure

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Army kills unarmed protesters in Rangoon, Burma =
A brutal reality - murders sparing no men or monks

David Bourke with:
Race to the White House begins =
It's the new age! Cheerio to Bush!

Adie Pena with:
"Tourists flee as Felix nears" =
Rats! Fearful ones exit isles!

Neil Ramsay with:
The US mortgage crisis =
Grim rates. Cost is huge.

David Bourke with:
Luciano Pavarotti =
Actual ovation...RIP.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The famous Tenor Luciano Pavarotti is dead =
His favoured Italian opera act must end, too.

Meyran Kraus with:
The singer Pavarotti is dead =
Rested this giant opera diva.

Adie Pena with:
Tenor Pavarotti dies at seventy-one =
Isn't it a very sad opera event to note?

Jesse Frankovich with:
A Chinese product =
Chose crude paint?

View with:
Once again a 'reverent' Muslim on broadcasts =
Osama Bin Laden urges Americans to convert

David Bourke with:
The late opera singer Luciano Pavarotti =
A ravioli-eating elephant's up to creator!

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Parents of Madeleine: Gerry and Kate McCann ~
decree "Large damn creep has taken my infant!" (Not!)

David Bourke with:
Dame Anita Roddick =
Kind, aromatic, dead.

Tony Crafter with:
Madeleine's blood-trace =
I blame a doctor's needle?

Adie Pena with:
Nine Eleven Remembered By Awesome Tower Lights
See how wily Bin Laden emerges to remember event. :-(

David Bourke with:
The last will and testament of Luciano Pavarotti ~
was that "I leave all important funds to Nicoletta".

Andrew Brehaut with:
The USA ~
hate us.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Armies' quest =
Must see Iraq.

Neil Ramsay with:
Troops final retreat-directive to Bush. =
Discretion is the better part of valour.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Marcel Marceau dies =
A real accursed mime.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Christmas decorations in the big department stores =
I roar 'cos September isn't the instant God made Christ!

David Bourke with:
The Labour Party conference in Bournemouth, Dorset. =
Lectures no end, by an abhorrent, out-of-touch Premier.

Paul Pan with:
The US Dollar depreciates =
Let's trade piled Euro cash!

Rosie Perera with:
Peaceful demonstrator =
Unarmed; a lot of respect.

Rosie Perera with:
The National Police and Peace Officers' Day (Canada) =
A Canadian idea: no defence if local cops at party, eh?

Adie Pena with:
Myanmar =
Arm many!

Meyran Kraus with:
Protester Deaths in Myanmar =
A sniper shot at martyred men.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
American seismologist, Charles Richter =
Historic log scale term carries his name.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Germanic physicist Albert Einstein =
Elite brainy scientist phrasing e=mc...

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Luciano Pavarotti =
Ciao to an ultra-VIP.

David Bourke with:
Senator Craig =
"Ciao, stranger!"

Adie Pena with:
American actresses Sharon Gless & Tyne Daly ~
star in short, senseless "Cagney & Lacey" drama.

Meyran Kraus with:
Camilla, The Duchess of Cornwall =
Local dull man's horse-face witch.

Larry Brash with:
The tenor Luciano Pavarotti =
A topnotch Italian overture.

View with:
Siad Barre =
Arab is Red*

Jesse Frankovich with:
Tennis's Roger Federer =
Sets ending error-free.

Paul Pan with:
President Joseph Estrada =
Dr. A. Pena jeers this despot!

Adie Pena with:
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline =
Freaky ninnies; bedeviled partners.

Paul Pan with:
The Rev. Al Sharpton =
Pervert hasn't halo.

Ellie Dent with:
Late Monsieur Marceau =
Mime... not a usual career.

Paul Pan with:
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad =
Muhammadan jihad ode.

David Bourke with:
Kiefer Sutherland =
If there's ale...drunk!

Adie Pena with:
Kiefer Sutherland =
A drunk's life there.

Andrew Brehaut with:
President of the United States of America =
Sense reputation of mad chief is tattered?


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
The Disney Corporation =
Deep in cartoon history.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Marathon, Greece =
Oh, great men race.

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus =
Mysterious cultures I catch in "clean" hospitals.

Tony Crafter with:
Rolls Royce's 'The Silver Shadow Automatic' =
A classic motor other wealthy souls drive!

sundogg99 with:
Nintendo's Wii system =
I do win my tennis sets.

View with:
The Acropolis =
Heroical spot.

Adie Pena with:
toysrus.co.uk ‡
Our toys suck!

View with:
Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, California =
Broad long avenue traces false illusions.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Department of Homeland Security =
Section that may plunder freedom.

Adie Pena with:
The Colosseum, Italy =
Oh, must-see locality!

Meyran Kraus with:
The National Aeronautics and Space Administration =
I hire a man to contain in a capsule, and send it to a star!

Tony Crafter with:
'No Humanity': name for ~
The Union of Myanmar.

Paul Pan with:
Rolls Royce =
Cosy "Roller".

Ellie Dent with:
The British Wind Energy Association =
Hot air's indication why green is best!


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Customer: "Waiter, waiter, what is this fly doing in my soup?" =
Waiter's tip: "Ahem, I would fancy he's trying to swim out sir."

2nd - David Bourke with:
The late Lady Diana Frances Spencer (The Princess of Wales) =
Farewell! Pay this enchantress final respects, a decade on.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Two jumper cables walk into a bar. The freaked out bar tender says, "You two, don't start anything." =
Two fonts enter a bar and Barack the old wraith barman says, "Get out! We just don't like your type."

Adie Pena with:
The English songwriter and lead guitarist George Harrison, MBE =
Our grand Sir Beatle wrote, arranged his hit single, e.g. "Something."

Adie Pena with:
The English songwriter and lead guitarist George Harrison, MBE =
Regarding his hit singles, our Beatle wrote, arranged "Something."

Tony Crafter with:
Charles' wife, Camilla Rosemary Mountbatten-Windsor =
We blame this scarily cruel woman for Diana's torment.

Andrew Brehaut with:
A message from Sheikh Osama Bin Laden to the American people =
Peekaboo! Oh, I am still here and remain safe among these camps.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The sprinter Jesse Owens won four gold medals at the Berlin Olympics =
Ergo a sore Hitler left, jaw down, nonplussed by this priceless moment.

View with:
Society for the Preservation of English Language and Literature =
Here to help save original 'tangy' dialects for future generations!

Tony Crafter with:
The Ying Pi Soi China Noodle Cafe's advertisement in the Saturday Observer's colour supplement was wrong. It read: ##%%**/ =
It should have read: %*/*#%#. We apologise for any inconvenience caused by the gormless, smartarse twits in our Print Dept.


Andrew Brehaut with:
"Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas." George Bush =
Nelson's dead? Deceased? Arab's alleged head man killed him? Bull! What a useless mug!

David Bourke with:
The keyboardist and the Broadway musical director Lawrence Goldberg =
Odd writer, New York City anagram-addict...he'll sure be good at Scrabble, eh!

Meyran Kraus with:
The Emmy Awards' recent nominees for Best Drama: The Sopranos, Boston Legal, House, Grey's Anatomy and Heroes =
A mobster has beaten seedy lawyers, one doctor, one merry hospital gang and those fearsome human monsters!


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, The United Kingdom and The United States of America =
A Group of Eight can care: send Africa aid, and meet many humanitarian needs; and yet... it's just talk.

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
France, Canada, Russia, Italy, Germany, Japan, The United Kingdom, and The United States of America =
Our Mission Statement: Peacemaking acts.
And reality?: Creating an undue affray, Jihad and death.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, The United Kingdom and The United States of America =
A Daily Agenda: Apathetic, unfair madmen and fat jackasses gather to undermine tiny countries.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Then and again, darn capitalist nations use energy, fuck justice and harm freedom a day at a time.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Our hapless team's duty is making a mad, feared, naughty African nation inane, tacit and rejected.

Tony Crafter with:
Industrial academics meet to aid humanity, specify an agenda and arrange another junket, fast!

David Bourke with:
Hasn't a feature of megalomaniac decadent tyrants...prejudice and inhumanity against darkies?

Paul Pan with:
A damn Canuck, the Frog, an Aryan (ja?), Dago, a stunted Nip, a Red fiend, a Limey tatter, Scheiss-Ami unite!

David Bourke with:
Mismanaged cunning fraternity and dark sect. A fundamental threat to peace? - Oui!", "Ja!", "Si!", "Hai!", "Da!", "Yes!".

View with:
Ah,Ice!/ Madam, cognac/ Hitler, pedant/ Rome, taste/ Eyes, idea, data / Taiga, tundra /Sir, fans, inn/ Junky, fun.


Neil Ramsay with:
Ha! Deranged, nasty racketeers that do damage to maintain an unjustified financial supremacy.

Adie Pena with:
"Same familiar eight countries can just attack a hundred fragmented nations any day." (Adie Pena)

Dan Fortier with:
If the men don't make any tragic and injurious act , I am sure Earth's fate a lasting peace.--Dandy Dan

Dan Fortier with:
If they (men and maid) don't make any tragic and injurious act , Earth's fate a sure and lasting peace.

Jesse Frankovich with:
Uneasy democratic countries that just dread any defiant regime like Panama and Afghanistan.

Meyran Kraus with:
Arctic nerd, rude git, mean Teuton, mafia man, hostile Asian, jaded spy, huge tea fan and racist Yank.


Adrian Hickford with:
Nauseating ******s!
Climate jeopardised - a fact.
Earth desecrated - ad infinitum.

Thank you!
An angry man

Rosie Perera with:
Aid as a pretty facade? Just a damn nice idea, gang. The International Monetary Fund makes us rich!


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls


AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

=


WHEN IS A WOMAN WRONG?
Man has often been critical of the fairer sex, yet seldom brave enough to point out a perceived failure, preferring to make remarks to other men.
Areas of particular contention:

1 driving
2 her parking
3 nagging a lot
4 her dear mother
5 A phone bill that totals over 155
6 at least 254 pairs of shoes
7 mascara/eye makeup
8 post-coital conversations
9 size of my nob
10 having to bear a grudge
11 soap operas
12 tutting at sport
13 channel-hopping
14 PMT
15 commitment
16 furnishing
17 her friends
18 handbags
19 chocolate
20 fellatio
21 pot-pourri
22 flatulence
23 not lifting the toilet seat
24 vegetables
25 anal sex
26 barbecue
27 mice
28 sexy underwear
29 rock music
30 DIY
31 her desire to procreate
32 musicals
33 eating
34 poetry
35 heavy metal
36 surgery
37 diets
38 road rage
39 a fat belly
40 eye-wateringly hot food
41 sobriety
42 attraction to a tart
43 daytime TV people
44 depravity
45 my mates
46 silent treatment
47 pollution
48 a total veto
49 all to pot age 35
50 pay

WHEN IS A MAN WRONG?
A woman is less circumspect and soon lets a man know she can't tolerate elements of his behaviour.
And those 'things' are...
1. EVERYTHING he says.
2. EVERYTHING he does.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Dear Miriam,

The other day I set off for work leaving my husband Cliff alone watching TV as usual.

I'd only travelled about two-hundred -and- twenty metres when the engine spluttered and the car chugged to a stop. I scuttled back to get my husband's help, but when I got home I found Cliff posing in front of the bedroom mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heeled shoes, and wearing my make up.

After I confronted Cliff, he said he'd put on my lingerie because he couldn't find any of his own underwear. But when I asked about the make up he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for ages. I told him it has to stop, or I will leave him.

He lost his job recently and says he's been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love Cliff very much, but since the ultimatum he's become distant and I can't get through to him any more.

Please can you help?

Mrs B, Essex

=

Miriam says ...

Dear Mrs B, Essex

Sudden stalling of cars after being driven short distances can be caused by a variety of faults in the engine. Start by checking that there's no muddy sediment showing in the fuel line. If you don't find any showing, check that the jubilee clips which hold the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold are tight.

If none of these approaches highlights the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is somehow faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.

As an added rule, Mrs B, do remember to keep an eye on the fuel gauge daily, as, when the level gets low, unhealthy muck in the bottom of the tank can be disturbed and rehashed and there's a likelihood your engine may get mudded up.

I recommend: 'www.twohundredmotordriving-hintsforwomen.com' as a handy web address. (And download: 'Friendly Engine Info For Women').

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Geneva Convention: Article Five

Should any doubt arise as to whether persons, having committed a belligerent act and having fallen into the hands of the enemy, belong to any of the categories enumerated in Article Four, such persons shall enjoy the protection of the present Convention until such time as their status has been determined by a competent tribunal.
=
Unless of course these persons have been subjectively convicted of 'potential suspicion' by the demented hothead Bush or his malevolent US government henchmen as part of their incompetent 'War on Terror'. In this case, the 'atheist felons' may be indefinitely confined on Guantanamo Bay and interrogated at length in that unethical 'court', never to get a legal trial.

Adie Pena with:
Two men drinking heavily at a bar.

The first man says too loudly, "Oh, goddammit! I've had sex with Eve Floyd, your mother!"

The second man, cautiously though, says nothing.
~
Again, the first man says loudly, "I've had sex with your mother! Ugh!"

Finally, the second man bravely says, "You've had too much to drink tonight. It's now time to go home, Dad."

sundogg99 with:
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'

=

My dreams tend more to the hedonic: Creative adult behaviour with pliant, statuesque ladies (oh, her tits!), then fellatio, and (the grand finale) eventual, wet release.

Neil Ramsay with:
Space - the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before
=
George - a witless warmonger. These are the stories of GW Bush. His seven year felony: to paralyze innocent nations, to sell weapons for oil and net profit, to incite expensive wars like his 'devoted' father before him.

Neil Ramsay with:
May we send regards to unsung sporting hero, Football Manager Raymond Domenech for our grand win over the lax, slapdash, careless, claptrap, benign, clearly jaded French team in our recent crunch match.
=
Signed: Craig Gordon, Graham Alexander, Stephen McManus, David Weir, Alan Hutton, James McFadden, Garry O'Connor, Lee McCulloch, Barry Ferguson, Scott Brown, Darren Fletcher Stephen Pearson, Paul Hartley.


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
From a translation of Dante's Divine Comedy


2nd - Tony Crafter with:
As Time Goes By


3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Tiger by Hilaire Belloc


Tyler Durden with:
Two One Four


Neil Ramsay with:
There was a young lady from Leeds


View with:
Love is not a thing to understand


Ellie Dent with:
Love is not a thing to understand


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Britney Spears' opening act at MTV Awards =
Embarrassing twat in pop dance travesty!

2nd - sundogg99 with:
A morning woody =
I do my own organ

3rd - For lowland jimmies... with:
Big rubber dildo =
Bubbled or rigid?

Adie Pena with:
Are big cunts cool? =
Close but no cigar!

Paul Pan with:
Missy's pout, ~
moist pussy

Meyran Kraus with:
Anal intercourse =
One rustier canal.

Paul Pan with:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? =
I seize Hoover Co. vacuum & love occurs!

Adie Pena with:
"Old habits die hard." =
Oh, did real bad shit!

View with:
The erotic paintings =
Reaction: tight penis

Dan Fortier with:
Anal intercourse =
Lance's in/out rear.

Tony Crafter with:
So, had toilet-dash ~
to shit a shed-load!

Paul Pan with:
International Farting Contest =
Antonino Crafter lit gas in tent!

Tony Crafter with:
Non-procreative sex =
Extra cover on penis

David Bourke with:
Maddison Gabriel =
"I'd semi-bald organ"

Jesse Frankovich with:
Pornographic website =
Or, page with boner pics.

David Bourke with:
Labour Party's conference week =
See Brown replace a fucker. (Tony).


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