Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2009


1st - Tony Crafter with:
At the vicar's sermon, I think: ~
'Is it over? Thank Christ! Amen.'

2nd - View with:
Persist =
Press it.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Genetically modified organisms =
A farm site is meddling in ecology.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sinister pest ~
is persistent.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Time flies like an arrow =
We are main killers of it.

Adie Pena with:
Human rights abuses =
U.S.A.'s Bush nightmare

Rosie Perera with:
Unemployment figures ~
left me pursuing money.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Global market =
Gamble or talk.

Larry Brash with:
A tribute =
"Ta," I rebut.

Ellie Dent with:
Must get up if ~
tempus fugit!

Rosie Perera with:
In-car computing ~
miring occupant.

Rick Rothstein with:
An over-active imagination =
"I am a great, innovative icon."

Tony Crafter with:
A genetically modified flower =
Aim - get nice, yellower daffodil!

Adie Pena with:
The snowstorm ~
smothers town.

Neil Ramsay with:
Celebrity chefs ~
rectify belches?

Rosie Perera with:
Freelance workers =
Self-earner: "We rock!"

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Economist =
:( :( :( emoticons.

Rosie Perera with:
Tropical rainstorm =
Parrots clamor in it.

Rick Rothstein with:
An aged whore =
Eager? And how!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Positive affirmation =
Profit, if a team vision.

Meyran Kraus with:
Old or senile, in a car =
A rear-end collision.


1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Conceptual artist Andy Warhol =
A red soup can! Why not call it art?

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Agatha Christie, Murder on the Orient Express =
Expert sees through crime on a train. Read this!

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Ledger now belongs in ~
Golden Globe winners.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Brad Pitt in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" =
Subject adrift in senior-to-babe continuum path.

Adie Pena with:
"Twilight," "New Moon," "Eclipse" and "Breaking Dawn" =
Edward getting his woman Bella in known epic.

Tony Crafter with:
Lady Chatterley's Lover, by D H Lawrence. =
All very racy...

Rosie Perera with:
"Media Malpractice" =
Camera implicated.

Ellie Dent with:
Claude-Oscar Monet's 'Water Lilies' =
A color seemed clear... it was sunlit!

Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet, "Branch of the Seine near Giverny" =
Many a bush on one edge can reflect in the river

View with:
Choosing one best play? ~
'Antigone' by Sophocles


1st - Adie Pena with:
The U.S. says "Good-bye!" =
Yes, Bush goes today!

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The Inauguration of President Obama =
No More Bush fatigue - a nation partied.

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
We yelled as one final ode for George W Bush ~
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

View with:
Israeli Troops Mass Near Gaza Border =
Zion releases programs to raid Arabs.

Rosie Perera with:
Obamas checking in to renowned Hay-Adams Hotel =
Soon may hit sack in a large new DC home. Not bad, eh?

Adie Pena with:
Dozens die at the Santika Club =
Ones that died? Stuck in a blaze!

Tony Crafter with:
Sara Trumble =
Brutal smear?

Rosie Perera with:
Unfulfilled New Year's resolutions =
Ruefully, I sense a U.S. trend of no will.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Obama Warns About Years of Trillion-Dollar Deficits" =
Sir, two laborers in bus can't afford oil, daily oatmeal.

Rosie Perera with:
Porn industry seeks federal bailout =
Rule: Naked breasts yield us no profit.

Jesse Frankovich with:
The Inauguration of President Obama =
Bet on their dreaming of a utopian USA.

Adie Pena with:
A Central Intelligence Agency position =
Leon E. Panetta's critical "No Leniency" gig?

Rosie Perera with:
Presidential inaugural parade =
USA applauding rare leader in it.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Main Street vs. Wall Street =
Rival settlement wasters

Rosie Perera with:
Obama's "American Recovery and Reinvestment Plan" =
Vibrant man can mean: "Let's repair adverse economy!"

Dan Fortier with:
"Prisoner" =
RIP, se–or.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Boy George sentenced to fifteen months in jail, ~
denoting the benefit of enjoying male escorts

Tony Crafter with:
Captain Chesley Sullenberger =
Yell, "Cut engine! Brace! er..." (splash!)

View with:
U.S. economy may sputter for years =
Say more - focus on empty treasury!

Rosie Perera with:
The Bush Era is over! =
Thus, see BHO arrive.

Adie Pena with:
Farewell =
All "W"-free!

Adie Pena with:
White House =
"W"? He is out, eh?
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

Ellie Dent with:
A new American President =
Emancipated are winners.

David Bourke with:
The new U.S.A. President =
Pure whiteness at end!

Rosie Perera with:
Obama has plans to close Guantanamo Bay =
Salaam! A top man to ban a Bush legacy soon.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sarah Palin seeks eleven-million-dollar book deal =
LOL, abandon idea--no Shakespeare or Melville skill!

Rosie Perera with:
The surprising birth of the California octuplets =
Such trial to father: eight on life support in cribs.

Rick Rothstein with:
Peanut Corporation of America men tell lads, ~
"Salmonella contaminated part of our recipe."

Meyran Kraus with:
The US elects Barack Hussein Obama for president =
A boss needs to cure the selfish, bankrupt America.


Eq1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ernest Hemingway =
His mane went grey

Eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The former American president George Walker Bush =
Some supreme brain-lacking we'd rather forget here!

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Mister Alphonse Gabriel Capone =
Help begin La Cosa Nostra empire

View with:
Yves Saint Laurent =
Any suit's relevant.

Adie Pena with:
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie =
Neat lad-gal pair in joint bed.

Dharam Khalsa with:
California Governor Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger =
Roar of earlier scandalizing charges, now long over

Tony Crafter with:
Cynthia Ann Stephanie ("Cyndi") Lauper =
Happy, rich, cute, and innately insane!

Rick Rothstein with:
The actress Kate Winslet =
We cast this keen starlet.

View with:
A star in ~

Dan Fortier with:
Patrick McGoohan =
Magic pro, not hack.

Adie Pena with:
Captain Chesley Sullenberger =
Big plane's clearly secure then.

Paul Pan with:
Barack Hussein Obama's ~
abs ace Hosni Mubarak's!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The New York junior senator, Kirsten Gillibrand =
Broken-in network insider, just no great Hillary

Ellie Dent with:
Edouard Manet: The Father of Modern Art =
The nude form, and drama thereafter, too.

Rosie Perera with:
President B. Obama =
Abbas' redemption?

Dharam Khalsa with:
Ex-President George W. Bush =
Send big Superego where? TX!


1st - Rosie Perera with:
The Central African Republic =
Interracial place, but French.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Atkins Diet Plan =
Patients' death link?

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
United States Military Academy =
Male army cadets initiate study.

Albert the Fox with:
Big Cat Rescue =
But Graces' ice.

View with:
Bermuda triangle =
A gamble, intruder!

Adie Pena with:
The Abbey Road Studios, Westminster, England =
As The Beatles try adding more new sound bits.

Tony Crafter with:
The Richland Correctional Institution, USA. =
Recalcitrants should interact in Ohio unit.

Dharam Khalsa with:
International Brotherhood of Teamsters =
Tension in labor reform; death threats too.

Rosie Perera with:
Electronic System for Travel Authorization =
Term for visa or local citizen entry to the USA.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Favorite Girl Scout cookies, 'Thin Mints' ~
invite a glucose shock; monitor it first!

Rosie Perera with:
Peanut Corporation of America ~
in paranoia after crop outcome.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Peanut Corporation of America =
Part of our recipe? Oh... a contaminate.

Neil Ramsay with:
Mount Redoubt =
Burnt-out dome?


1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
President Obama - so good they inaugurated him twice =
George Bush - a dimwit idea you'd spit at more than once!

2nd - View with:
Le nozze di Figaro ossia la folle giornata (Commedia per musica) =
Mozart's famous opera: a comic dialog realizing one's 'ideal' life.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The former President of the United States of America, George W. Bush =
A "misunderestimated" cretin buggers off...after the others. Whoopee!!

Adie Pena with:
"This is an inauguration for all Americans." (President-elect Obama) =
Truth: A nation's leader can create a big familial impression on us.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Come, my friends, 'Tis not too late to seek a newer world"--from Ulysses, by Lord Alfred Tennyson=
No worry! Obama settles in, dressed modestly off duty, to work more relentlessly on finance.

Rosie Perera with:
Thousands of Army families receive letters beginning "Dear John Doe" after losing a loved one in Iraq or Afghanistan=
An insensitive error or gaffe, reinflaming a loss, more agony: "The squadron's objective failed, and he got annihilated."

Adie Pena with:
"Red ink as far as the eye can see." (President-elect Barack Hussein Obama) =
Ah, yes! Alert chief sees a bankrupt, broken America needed assistance.

David Bourke with:
The American president George W. Bush awards "The Presidential Medal for Services to Freedom" to Tony Blair =
Here, an irredeemable retard's gift to a recently-aged British P.M. who lied over Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Tony Crafter with:
A husband: is someone who, after putting the rubbish outdoors, gives the impression he's cleaned the whole darned house! =
A housewife detective: She who must pinpoint the one blonde hair on her husband's shoulder, but misses the garage doors!

Tony Crafter with:
If those voices calling are not real, they have got some damned good ideas! =
I have opted to heed advice I got from my legal counselor, and... THIS STICKER BEARS NO MESSAGE!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Tyrant George W. Bush can't outline a past mistake, likely to spill over years into his future.
"Ultimately there is no way to escape taking responsibility for ourselves."--Tarthang Tulku

David Bourke with:
Barack Hussein Obama, the President of the United States of America =
"After that pea-brained S.O.B. oaf is out, I'm the man! Suck it and see! Cheers!"

Rosie Perera with:
"We're back in Texas and we're here to stay." (George W. Bush, on arriving home) =
Warmonger exits scene. It's over! Hurrah! We begin a new day. (Great book, eh?)

Rosie Perera with:
Waltzing Matilda, "the unofficial national anthem of Australia" =
I hail that fitful Oz swagman in an emotional fatal "dance" ritual.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Mariana Bridi da Costa (she's the banner model of Brazil) ~
loses both hands and feet in a bizarre microbial drama.

Rosie Perera with:
Obama orders closure of Guantanamo Bay Detention Centre =
So, no more defendants' torture by America at one Cuban gaol.

Rosie Perera with:
Lucasian Professorship of Mathematics at Cambridge University =
This famous British academic post favors an elect primary genius.

Rosie Perera with:
During newly inaugurated President Obama's first one hundred days in the White House ~
he must intrepidly undo, ending the idiot Bush's errors, and redefine a new USA. What a guy!

Rosie Perera with:
Illinois Senate Votes Unanimously to Remove Blagojevich from Office =
Officials of US to eject the ominously insane, evil, immovable governor.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
When icicles hang by the wall,
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
And Tom bears logs into the hall,
And milk comes frozen home in pail...
Some happen to be calm when cold,
Near still and mythic English lakes;
On hills amazing to behold,
Which Winter had robed in his flakes.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'When icicles hang by the wall,
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
And Tom bears logs into the hall,
And milk comes frozen home in pail ...'
When feeling hot on Brazil's soil,
When I look back, I miss the chills.
A happy charm'ed land, England,
Thatch'ed home... and some winter bills.

3rd - View with:
When icicles hang by the wall,
And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
And Tom bears logs into the hall,
And milk comes frozen home in pail
Weather chills, cold
Ice on the plaza and on the road
Night became kinky, dim
This snow hobbled him.
Enigma... flash's Hell!
Rain, snow -spell...

Tony Crafter with:
Ah! Lines from 'Winter' by William Shakespeare,
In which hands clench on cold limbs,
Logs blaze hot,
And an English maid 'doth keel the pot.'

David Bourke with:
"Global warming" link? Oh, balls! What tosh!
The P.M. fiddles on...more dosh!
Cold 'n' chi-chi-chilly...then I sneeze!
Winter naked, in Bahamas, please!

Adie Pena with:
Obama gazes on Capitol Hill
While holding back a wicked chill.
Blessed hymns from the hinterlands
Oh, means hope in the winterlands!

Adrian Hickford with:

The arctic winter,
Blows freezing chill--
Old, abandoned, shaking,
He shambles, ill;
Like Phantom Death--
Had companions, nil.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Barack Obama solemnized his oath,
Spoke flawless in the winter chill;
Shamed W, shamed Cheney--both,
God and Lincoln helping in thrill.

Dharam Khalsa with:
A sketch emphasizing harsh 'winter'?
(What, no W's? Hell, call it _inter);
He-man kids handle sno_balls in cold,
Me? A phobic homebody, feeling old!

Ellie Dent with:
'So mankind has his blazing hearth,
he'd sigh, as old winter blew in: chill
often echoes most in metaphor
And deep, black melancholy. (Will)'

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
An Elizabethan winter cold:
Brass Monkey might lose both his pills ...
At which one candle flame he'd hold
And keep on warming his chills!

Rosie Perera with:=
Now is the hellish long winter of America's discontent made all splendid by Barack Obama's phenomenal skill which the Zen hold high.

Adie Pena with:
Gosh, how'll I feel cozy in Winter?
Hell, NOT with a home blanket!
Imbibing ales, Schnapps, alcohol ...
I'm smashed; handled and drank it!


Dharam Khalsa with:
Gadzooks men, behold winter;
I'm held in angst by a printer.
Phone machine held a sale,
Hold calls, check the mail;
"Hon, WTF is 'blows his nail'?"

Adie Pena with:
Ooh, help ban highly old cliches,
Mishmash, eh, like "Winter Wonderland,"
"Snowballs," "Keeping a fire ablaze."
(Hmm, it's the cold I can not stand!)

Christopher Sturdy with:
Mey K. saw some hellish snow,
A London winter I'm afraid,
Met HSP, tc 'n' co.;
A highlight in his third decade?

Hell, he'll be back on bonanza spell.

Adie Pena with:Spring had awakened, blooms call;
Then lazy hot months simmer;
Hence, placid shadows in the Fall;
He, child-like, on a bobsleigh in Winter.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Schoolkids loll at home in bed,
Alaskan men fetch harsh booze;
An illegitimate winter child's bred;
Which golden Palin nymph has news?


1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Basic Wedding Cake Recipe

6 cups soft cake flour, sifted
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 1/2 cups butter or margarine, softened
3 cups sugar
2 cups milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
12 egg whites

Preheat oven to 325¡F. Grease pans and line bottom with sheets of waxed paper (may also use parchment paper).

Sift flour and baking powder. Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat egg whites only until stiff, not dry. With mixer on slow speed, add flour and baking powder to butter and sugar, alternately with milk. Beat well after each addition. Mix in vanilla. Gently fold egg whites into batter. Pour into prepared pans. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool, ice, and decorate. Serve, share, enjoy!
Recipe for Upkeep of a Happy Marriage

1/2 gallon faith
6 cups consideration
5 cups trust
3 cups kindhearted praise
2 cups flattery, hidden
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 flexible budget and a pledge of cooperation
2 teaspoons pure extract of "I'm sorry"
2 tablespoons of contentment
3 cups confident and encouraging attitude
1 large or a few small hobbies
2 cups blindness to the other's faults

Stir well, taking out any big wayward lumps of bitter jealousy, bad temper, backtalk, or nagging guilt. Add pepper of recreation and a rare extract like wise understanding, and whisk gently. Next, sweeten with true love and romance. Bake and keep warm with a flame of devotion. It gets better with age, but never serve it with a cold shoulder!

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the good Lord appeared and asked, 'O my dear child, why do you cry? Why are you so upset?' The seamstress replied, 'O Lord, can you help me?' and announced that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it so she could sew for her husband to help him make a living for their family of four. However she did not know how to swim. The good Lord, ever understanding, dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a beautiful golden thimble set with fancy sapphires.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked The seamstress replied, 'No.'

The good Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with particularly interesting and beautiful rubies.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord reached down again and came up with a very plain leather thimble.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, 'Yes.'

The Lord was pleased with the womanÕs honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep for herself, and the seamstress went home very happy to tell her husband all about it.


Some years later, the shrewd seamstress was strolling with her twelfth husband along the riverbank, and her plump, stiff, blind, droll, dullard, screwball husband tripped (thump!), plopped into the dreaded river (splash!), and disappeared under the hellish waterÕs depth. When she cried out in shrill throbs, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?' She shrieked, 'Lord, help me! My husband has fallen into the river!'

The Lord knelt down in the depth and came up with George Clooney. 'Is this your husband?' he asked.

'Yes,' cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. 'That is a lie!'

The determined seamstress replied, 'Please forgive me. It is a little misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with the blond dearie, Brad Pitt.

Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband Ben with the metal teeth. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. IÕm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of them all, so THATÕs why I premeditated and said 'yes' to the wet George Clooney there.

And so the Lord let her keep him. (The thrill!)

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, itÕs for a good reason!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:

I want to live my next life backwards, because:

I'd start off dead and get that over and done with.

Then I would wake up in a nursing home feeling fitter every day.

Then I would be kicked out of the home for being too healthy; enjoy my retirement and collect a pension.

Then I'd start work and get a gold watch on the first day. I would work for forty years until I was too young to work.

I'd get ready for High School: drink alcohol, go off carousing, and be generally promiscuous.

Then I'd go to primary school, I'd become a kid, play, go to the zoo and have no responsibilities whatsoever.

Then I'd become a baby, and then...

I'd spend the last nine months floating peacefully in luxurious bliss, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...

I'd finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.



I'm passing this on to you because we could all profit from a bit more calmness in our lives. No kidding - it does work!

By following the simple advice heard on the Dr. Young show, you can find inner peace. Dr. Young stated: 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the little things you've started and not finished.'

Well, I looked around my house at all the unfinished things I'd started, and before leaving home this morning I finished a bottle of Bristol Cream Sherry, a bottle of eggnog, two packs of Kit Kat, and the remainder of my Prozac prescription. Next, I attacked the rest of my cherry brandy and ate a bag of Doritos and a box of well-known luxury chocolates.

You've no idea just how freaking good I feel right now.

Send this to anybody you know who might need inner peace.

Adie Pena with:
The Top Ten Most Literate U.S. Cities [Year 2008]
1-2 Minneapolis; Seattle [tied for first]
3 Washington, D.C.
4 St. Paul, Minnesota
5 San Francisco
6 Atlanta
7 Denver
8 Boston
9 St. Louis
10 Cincinnati; Portland, Oregon [tied for tenth]
Top Ten Entrants In 2008 Anagrammatists List
1 Tiptop Crafter
2 Colossal Meyran
3 Astonishing Andrew
4 Notable David
5 One unfit Adie?!
6 Confident Ellie
7 Astute Scott
8 Funniest Rothstein
9 Potent Rosie
10 Cool Chris

Dharam Khalsa with:
Bush administration said 'No, it's booked' to the Obamas, when asked about moving into the official White House guesthouse before their daughters' first day of school.
It is beauteous for a solo distinguished ambassador, but the outgoing hotshot and his wife liked the satisfaction of the snub. Ooh!! I can remove 'W' from the keyboard, eh?

Dharam Khalsa with:
I wonder:
* Why the hot sun lightens people's hair, if it burns or darkens people's skin.
* Why women can't put on eye mascara with their mouths shut.
* Why people don't see one headline "Psychic Wins Lottery".
* Why I note 'abbreviated' is such a long word.
* Why top physicians call what they do 'practice'.
* Why bottled zesty lemon juice is made of imitation flavor, as toxic dishwashing liquid is often made of real juicy lemons.
* Why the astute man that takes hold of all your money to invest is called the 'broker'.
* Why the time of day with the slowest traffic is called 'rush hour'.
* Why there's no mouse-flavored cat food.
* Why Noah didn't just swat those two vivacious mosquitoes.
* Why they would sterilize the needles in lethal injections.
* You know that indestructible black box which is used on airplanes? Why didn't they make the whole plane out of that material by law?!
* Why sheep don't shrink in summer rain or humidity.
* Why they would be called apartments when they are all attached.
* If they claim flying's so safe, why is it called the airport 'terminal'?
* If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
* Why I'm such a cynic!

Adie Pena with:
"President-elect Obama's election does speak volumes about how far this country has come when it comes to racial relations." =
"But most are aware of one politically incorrect assessment: This black-coated voodoo man replaces me in the U.S. White House."


1st - Adie Pena with:
The New Year Night Poem

2nd - Tony Crafter with:

I was one happy man! My gorgeous girlfriend and I had been together for a year, and had decided to be married. There was only one thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was eighteen, wore tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I'd always get an eye-popping view. It had to be deliberate, because she didn't do it when she was near anybody else.

One day, the sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she confessed that she had desires for me that she couldn't suppress. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in such complete shock, I could not think of anything to say!

'I'm going up to my bedroom,' she said huskily. 'If you want one last wild fling, come up and get me.'

I was frozen with shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there a moment, then turned and made a beeline for the door. I opened the door and marched straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my prospective father-in-law hugged me and said, 'Hello! We're so happy that you have passed our little test! We could not ask for a better husband for our daughter. Thanks, and welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.



The boss of a manufacturing organization could not understand why one of his most steadfast research-staff members was off work but hadn't made any effort to phone in. Needing to sort out a problem with an essential main computer, and in order to resolve the absentee mystery, he rang the employee's home number and was greeted with a child's whisper. 'Hello? '

'Hello, dear ... is your Daddy in?' he asked.

'Yes,' whispered the little voice.

'Can I talk to your Daddy?'

The child whispered, 'No.'

Surprised, and wanting to talk to an adult, the factory boss said, 'Is your Mummy there?'


'May I talk to your Mummy?'

Again the small voice whispered, ' No '

Needing to find someone to leave a message with, the frustrated boss said, 'Is anyone else around?'

'Yes,' whispered the child, 'a policeman .'

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's house, the concerned boss asked, 'May I speak to the policeman?'

'No, he's busy,' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

'Talking to Daddy and Mummy and a fireman,' came the whispered answer.

The boss, now growing aware of a loud noise in the background, asked, urgently, 'What is that weird noise?'

'It's a helicopter,' answered the little voice.

'What's going on there today?' entreated the boss, now very worried.

Again whispering, the child answered, 'The search team just landed a helicopter.'

Alarmed, and a little frustrated, the boss said, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

'ME .'

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A man and his wife were watching 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' on TV while in bed. He turned to her and said, "Want to make love?"

"No," she answered.

"Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at him this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So he said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

Then the fight started...


A man asked his lovely wife in advance, "Where would you like to go for our next vacation?"

She answered, "Someplace I haven't been in a long time."

He suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

Then the fight started...


One Saturday morning a man got up very early, quietly dressed, made his lunch, even fed the dog, and slipped quietly out into the garage. First he hooked the boat to his truck, and then proceeded to back out into a torrential rainstorm.

A wind was blowing to 50 mph, so he pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and heard the announcer say that the weather would be bad all day.

The man went back into the house and quietly slipped into bed. He snuggled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

His loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid ass husband is out fishing in that?"

Then the fight started...


A man and woman were asleep in the bed like two oversized babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, loud noise came from outside.

The woman rose from the bed and yelled at the man "Holy crap! That might be my husband!"

The scared man leapt out of the bed and jumped out of the window naked. He slammed on the ground, ran through a thorn bush, and sped to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned to the bedroom, and hissed at the woman, "I AM your husband!"

The woman yelled back, "Yeah, so then why were you running?"

Then the fight started...


A man tried to talk his wife into buying a case of Miller Light. Instead, she bought herself a jar of cold cream.

He told her the beer would make her face look better at night than the cold cream.

Then the fight started...


A woman was standing nude, assessing herself in the mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and sighed to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look so old and fat. I really need you to pay
me a compliment."

So the sarcastic husband replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."

Then the fight started...

A man took his dowdy wife to a restaurant, where a new befuddled waiter took the husband's order first.

"I'll have steak, medium rare, please."

The dumbfounded waiter asked, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

The man deadpanned, "Nah, she can order for herself."

Then the battle began...


A man and his wedded wife were sitting at a table at his Midwest high school reunion. He kept staring uncomfortably at a drunken redheaded woman sitting alone at a nearby table, swigging her drink.

The wife demanded, "Is that drunk an acquaintance?"

"Yes," the man sighed, "That woman is an old girlfriend. I understand she took up drinking right after I dumped her many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"Oh, my!" blurted his wife, adding "Who would think a woman could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the battle started...


After he retired, an Albuquerque fellow did not dillydally and went immediately into the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter smiled and asked the man for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pocket and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman employee he would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." The old guy opened his shirt, revealing curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." She processed the man's application as he buttoned up his shirt.

When the man got home, he told his wife about the woman at the Social Security office.

She jumped in loudly, "You should have opened your pants fly! You might have gotten disability, too."

And then the battle started...


When a newlywed husband got home from work, his pouty wife demanded that he take her someplace expensive.

He took her to the gas station.

Then the battle started...


A wife was hinting to her husband about what present she wanted for their upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds!"

He bought her a big scale.

And then the battle began...


A sleepy wife sat down on the couch, joining her weary husband. He was flipping channels, attempting to look for entertainment. She asked, "So, what's on the television?"

He muttered, "Dust."

And then the battle began...

Tony Crafter with:
Scrabble Limerick

Adie Pena with:
Scrabble Limerick

Dharam Khalsa with:
Scrabble Limerick

Dharam Khalsa with:
I am the People, the Mob

Dharam Khalsa with:
Scrabble Limerick

Dharam Khalsa with:
Scrabble Limerick


1st - Scott Gardner with:
The consummation of a relationship =
That's some hip name for coital union

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The successful penis enlargement operation =
A useful nine-incher plans to get some respect!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Boy George sentenced to fifteen months in jail =
Gay offender entices men in to get BJs in the loo!

View with:
Persistence ~
erects penis!

Rick Rothstein with:
Her first time =
It's firm 'there'.

Scott Gardner with:
Genital masturbation =
Beat it until an orgasm

Scott Gardner with:
Consummate ~
means "to cum"

David Bourke with:
The British actress Kate Winslet =
I like her tits/breasts, wet snatch.

Paul Pan with:
Moist vagina ~
vomits again!

Rick Rothstein with:
The actress Kate Winslet =
Neck, tits, twat, arse, heels.

David Bourke with:
Ann Coulter =
Real cunt, no?

View with:
Kate Winslet =
See link "twat"

David Bourke with:
Eight years of President George W. Bush =
A swift "goodbye"...the Supernigger's here!

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