JULY 2009 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2009

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Daniel Radcliffe , Emma Watson, Rupert Grint ~
as Mr Potter, nice girlfriend and awful mate.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears =
Cast a shortsighted blonde for the key role.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Vincent Van Gogh's masterpiece, 'Sunflowers' =
Such intense pigment: canvas glows forever.

David Bourke with:
"This Is It" =
Shit! It is!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Instant Karma (We All Shine On) =
Lennon's hit was like a mantra

Meyran Kraus with:
The US singer Neil Diamond ‡
I heard stunning melodies.

View with:
Jackson body 'going to Neverland' =
Not very black gone and joins God

Adie Pena with:
Songwriter and bassist Paul McCartney's "Let It Be" = Musical corn by Beatles' prettiest and Wings' star.

Dharam Khalsa with:
One of Michael Jackson's early hits, 'Beat It' =
Familiar jacket, ethnic nose; also, 'the boys'.

Tony Crafter with:
The fairy tale, 'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland'. =
A child now reinvented as all-Disney art feature.

Dean Mayer with:
"Nothing Compares To You" =
Hum a top song, one I cry to.

Rosie Perera with:
Sacha Baron Cohen stars in Unversal Pictures' ~
"Brźno": Austrian chap's trivial chases on screen.

View with:
Beethoven's Eroica =
Ooh, nice! A best, ever!

Adie Pena with:
Ludwig van Beethoven's "The Eroica Symphony" =
Messy one which involved the guy Bonaparte!

View with:
The dramatis personae =
Pros' names aid theatre.

Adie Pena with:
The Woodstock Music and Art Fair =
Cocaine draws kids to that forum.

Scott Gardner with:
William Shakespeare, The Taming of the Shrew =
Shall he regret the impish woman Kate as wife?

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Fisher King =
He thinks: "Grief"

Andrew Brehault with:
Father Ted =
Daft three.

Meyran Kraus with:
The film 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince' =
The children promptly ran to behold the affair.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Legendary newsperson Walter Cronkite [1916-2009] =
Gnarly network elder now rests in peace.

2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
The moon landing's fortieth anniversary =
Vision of Armstrong, then Aldrin? Hey, neat!

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The astronaut Sally Ride =
Lady on a shuttle? It's rare!

Chris Chatfield with:
Sudden revelation ~
outside Neverland.

Adie Pena with:
Unemployment rate is rising =
To my great ruin, I'm penniless!

Adie Pena with:
A record fifteenth Grand Slam title =
That fact granted Federer millions!

David Bourke with:
Michael Jackson =
So jam L.A. check-in

Dharam Khalsa with:
Animal friends of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop =
Fish pond, llama, snake, giraffe, chimp in cot -- no joke!

Dharam Khalsa with:
First ladies Michelle Obama and Svetlana Medvedeva =
Famed mates had a balanced visit overall, even smiled!

Rosie Perera with:
The world mourns Michael Jackson, the King of Pop =
"Just perform moonwalk on casket, eh?" (child, hoping)

Adie Pena with:
A star-studded farewell for the King of Pop =
Folk wept for the dead frail one's drug past.

Adie Pena with:
The child molestation accusations =
Michael's stint at school education? ;-)

Rosie Perera with:
Iran reformist movement =
Imams forever in torment.

View with:
Staples Center in Los Angeles =
A last respect. Long lines seen.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Is Afghanistan becoming a quagmire? =
Obama, change games, as in quit firing!

Tony Crafter with:
The enduring battles in Afghanistan =
Hard test, fighting an unseen Taliban.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Is the Afghanistan war destined to become a quagmire? =
Americans begin to question what grim defeat's ahead.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Palin says she may stump for Democrats =
Sympathy from USA's leaders? Most panic!

Rosie Perera with:
Confirmation hearings for Judge Sonia Sotomayor =
Ah, confusion of media or majority gringo senators?

Rosie Perera with:
The cyberwarfare strategies =
Fighters try a secret web area.

Adie Pena with:
The tragic Caspian Airlines Flight Tupolev TU-154M =
Picture it: Tough timing ... Fatal plane crash ... 154 lives.

Rosie Perera with:
Pope breaks wrist in a fall at Vatican =
Take a pontifical sprawl, brave saint!

Paul Lusch with:
Indonesia blast ~
disables nation.

Meyran Kraus with:
Walter Cronkite has died =
Anchor we did like, at rest.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin =
Modern transistors abuzz at lunar landing.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Fearmonger catering =
Mortgage refinancer.

Adie Pena with:
Arctic Mystery: Identifying the Great Blob of Alaska =
It's fringed by a freaky, stretchy titanic algae bloom!

Chris Chatfield with:
National Flu Service =
Continual lifesaver?

Larry Brash with:
Propofol (Diprivan) =
Rip Van... for pop idol.

Ellie Dent with:
Tributes to war veteran Henry Allingham =
This truly brave man: altogether a winner.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
USA's olympian Michael Fred Phelps =
Champ fesses up: "I'm really a dolphin".

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Walter Cronkite =
Relic at network.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The astronaut Neil Armstrong =
He's got a lunar transmitter on

David Bourke with:
Rupert Thorneloe =
Prone Lt., true hero.

Adie Pena with:
Existentialist philosopher from Paris, France ~
Sartre explains his point of this life... more crap!

Richard Napier with:
Michael Owen =
i.e. Whole Manc

Scott Gardner with:
The gorgon Medusa =
God, a huge monster!

Ellie Dent with:
Messieurs Monet and Manet =
Some eminent art and muses.

Larry Brash with:
Heath Andrew Ledger =
Ah, reward the legend!

David Bourke with:
President Mills of Ghana =
The self-praising old man

Adie Pena with:
Alan Mathison Turing =
As in an "algorithm nut."

View with:
Christopher William Bradshaw Isherwood =
Adorable words while rich with aphorisms.

Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Meryl Streep, an actress =
Masterly star presence.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor =
Open emotions or racism means you're out.

Adie Pena with:
The astronaut Neil Armstrong =
Smartest on that lunar region?

Dharam Khalsa with:
American Photographer Ansel Easton Adams =
Mastered each regional panorama snapshot.

Adie Pena with:
The Russian composer Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky =
Hey, I hope a Soviet's "Nutcracker" hit simply rocks.

Scott Gardner with:
Cosmonaut Yuri Alekseyevich Gagarin =
A Russian guy may go in a rocket vehicle.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
President Obama =
Mad? Beer is on tap.

Tony Crafter with:
The US cardiologist Conrad Robert Murray =
Drug-saturation error by Michael's doctor?

David Bourke with:
The Defence Secretary Robert William Ainsworth =
Blair's wretched lie sent the Army on to fierce war.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The astronauts Neil Alden Armstrong, Edwin Eugene Aldrin and Michael Collins =
Lunar landing under Mission Control - America went silent..."The Eagle has landed!"

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The novels of the Bronte sisters: Charlotte, Emily and Anne =
Intense tales cast by three lovelorn maidens of the North.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The San Francisco Zoo's same sex penguin couple Harry and Pepper splits up =
Such gay partnerships in nests perplex, amaze, confound us prosaic people.

Adie Pena with:
For a little price, Michael stages one last special national number ~
at the public memorial at Staples Center in Los Angeles, California.

David Bourke with:

Alesha Dixon to replace Arlene Phillips as a judge on Strictly Come Dancing =
Cruel old slapper calls it a day...her last tango. Ex-champion joins in....I need ECG!

Dharam Khalsa with:
A newspaper reporter interviewed the 104-year-old woman on her birthday.

"So, what do you think is the best thing about
~
being 104?" the newsboy started, notebook handy.

That woman with white hair provided real authority, "No peer pressure!"

Andrew Brehault with:
The bestselling works "Angels and Demons" and "The Da Vinci Code" =
Seems Langdon scolded rebel knights and the Vatican DOES win.

David Bourke with:
How many Rosie Pereras does it take to screw in a lightbulb? =
The wordy American poster bellows: "Ah, I guess it ain't broke!"

Rosie Perera with:
How many terrorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?=
Wait, that's no rotten lightbulb! Yikes! I'm scared...or worse!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
Who is the fairest of them all?=
How terrorism hit the mall;
In its horror a few more fall.

View with:
Man claims he found a rodent inside Diet Pepsi can =
Sip and another sip identified calm canned mouse.

Dharam Khalsa with:
This question was found in a children's grade school test paper:

"Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section'."
~

A seventh grade pupil's eloquent effort won:

"The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome."

(Something has changed!)

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Feargal and Murphy fancy a pint or two but don't have a lot of cash. Between them, they can only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy says 'Hold it! I've got a good idea!'

He goes next door to a butcher's shop and comes back out with one very large sausage.

Feargal exclaims, 'Are you mad? Now we don't have any cash at all!'

Murphy replies, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He goes into the pub where he orders two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Feargal says 'Now you've lost the plot. Do you know how much trouble we'll be in? We haven't got any cash!'

Murphy smiles. 'Don't worry, I've got a plan. Cheers! '

They down their drinks. Murphy says, 'Right, I'll stick the sausage through my flies and you go down on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman sees them, goes berserk, and throws them out into the street.

They continue to do this, pub after pub, getting drunker and drunker, all for free.

At the tenth pub Feargal declares, 'Gee, I don't think I can do this any more, Murphy. I am drunk and me knees are killing me!'

Murphy says, 'How do you think I feel? I don't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'

=

THE DANGERS OF DUCK HUNTING (NOT FUNNY!).

Benny Murphy was enjoying a fine morning on the marsh, hunting ducks, when he felt the urge to take a leak. He walked over to a nearby tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew up, knocked the gun over, and it went off...shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying flat on his back in a hospital bed, he was approached by a doctor.

'Well Mr Murphy,' murmured the medic, 'I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that, thankfully, you're going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, and there was very minimal internal damage. Furthermore, we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'

'Oh, OK ...what's the bad news?' Murphy asked...

'The bad news, I'm sorry to say, is that there was some fairly extensive buckshot damage to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Polly.'

'Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad,' murmured Murphy. 'Is your sister a plastic surgeon?'

'Uh... not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'She's a flute player in the local symphony orchestra and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
In case you were wondering what is actually going on with President Obama's health care reform plan:

The American Medical Association professionals weighed in on the new health care plan that the bipartisan Obama Team is dutifully putting together.

The Allergists persistently voted to scratch it, while

The Dermatologists advised to postpone it, to not make any rash move.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of gut feeling about it, while

The Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians attested they were all laboring under a misconception, while

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

The Orthopedists thought the plan sounded spineless, while

The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" but,

The Pediatricians heckled and guffawed, "Oh, Grow up!"
~
The Psychiatrists thought the entire idea to be madness.

The Radiologists could see right through the body of the plan.

The Surgeons recommended washing their hands of the whole idea.

The Internists hypothecated it would be a bitter pill for people to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons declared, "It puts a whole new face on the matter!"

The Podiatrists thought it would be taking a small step forward, but, conversely

The Urologists were very pissed off at the idea.

The Anesthesiologists looked at the general plan as a total gas, and

The Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say 'no.'

(Also, the Transcriptionist/Anagrammatist casually rearranged the initiative.)

In my humble opinion, champion Proctologists did win commendably in the end, "We're leaving the outcome of the dialogue to the a**hole pigs in Washington!"

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT?

1. Cover her eyes and lead her to a lovely surprise.

2. Whisk her away somewhere exciting for the weekend.

3. Write a song or poem about her.

4. Tell her that she is the most wonderful woman that you have ever met.

5. Run her a relaxing bath after she has had a bad day at work.

6. Send her a romantic text or email or leave a loving note around the house.

7. Wake her up with breakfast in bed.

8. Offer her a coat when she is cold.

9. Send her flowers or chocolates at work.

10. Make her a compilation of her favourite music.

=

1. HE'D BUY the wife... lingerie: handwash knickers, or a sexy nightgown.

2. Extra headache remedies.

3. A rotary lawnmower to cut the lawn.

4. A female shaver to remove the mature facial whiskers.

5. A worthy book on diet, and a workout.

6. HE'D GIVE HER... the rhubarb to make a pie.

7. Beeswax to polish that rather heavy walnut furniture.

8. A yellow leather three-piece suite with loose-covers.

9. A rare wooden clothes-horse, and non-shrink overalls for women.

10. A matched set of tools, and even a cute hammer for herself, from a hardware shop.

Adie Pena with:
"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first." (Ronald Reagan)
=
He vilified that large, tolerant coalition of the best pimps, bastards, idiots, aberrations and ass-lickers here in the Senate and the Congress.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 22

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
HER DIARY

Friday, Fifteenth February.

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it could be that.

The bar was really crowded and noisy, so I suggested we find somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very detached and preoccupied so I said we should go somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just wasn't himself; he rarely laughed and he did not seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.

He drove me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was anything the matter but he just shook his head and turned the television on.

Then, after about ten minutes of silence, I said that I was going off to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just sighed and gave a rather sad sort of smile. He did not follow me then, but later he came up, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a trifle cool, and I started to think that he might be going off me, and that perhaps he'd found someone else. Then I cried myself to sleep.

HIS DIARY

Friday, Fifteenth February.

Manchester United lost to Liverpool. Gutted. Got a shag though.

=

THE AUDITORY DILEMMA.

A man believed his wife wasn't hearing quite as well as she used to and thought she may need a hearing aid.

Not sure how to approach the subject, he called the family doctor to get his advice.

The doctor told him there was a simple test he could apply at home to give him (the GP) a better idea about judging the wife's hearing levels.

ŇWhat I suggest you do," said the medical man, "is stand about forty feet away, talk in a normal conversational tone, and the idea is to see if she hears you.

If not, go to about thirty feet, then twenty, and so on, in gradual stages, until you get a response."

That evening the wife was in the kitchen making dinner as usual, while the husband was in the study. He said to himself, "Right, I'm about forty feet away; let's see what happens."

In a normal tone he said, 'Mildred, what's for dinner?"

No reply.

So the husband moved a bit closer - about thirty feet, he judged - and said, "Mildred, what's for dinner?"

Still nothing.

He sidled into the dining room where he was about twenty feet from his spouse and asked, "Mildred, what's for dinner?"

Again, no reply.

He edged up to the kitchen door, just ten feet away...

"Mildred, what's for dinner?"

Still nothing.

He moved up behind her...

"Mildred, what's for dinner?"

"Goddammit, George!" She bellowed, "For the FIFTH frigging time ...CHICKEN!"

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her

Dharam Khalsa with:
I Walk the Line

Scott Gardner with:
The Princess Andromeda =
Predestined as monarch
Parents admired chosen
Cad mother pans Nereids

Snatched, made prisoner
Sent, arms roped & chained
I'm stranded on sea perch

A mad serpent sic'd on her
Oh me, stranded in scrape
And I'm the scared person!

And hard serpent is come
Dread sea monster pinch!
Her predicament's sad, no?

Needs starred champion
(Standard hero specimen)
Handsome prince stared...

He panics dread monster
Did harm ocean's serpent
Monster ran, hid, escaped

Son married. [caps] THE END.

Adie Pena with:
Concord Hymn

The Anagrammy Awards

JULY 2009 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY