Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2010


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Premenstrual =
Lunar tempers.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Cold weather =
Read the low °C.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
A violent criminal =
Manic evil on trial.

Rosie Perera with:
Suffering a concussion =
Surface sign: confusion.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Life isn't fair. Get used to it! =
Not if I feel its gratitudes.

Paul Pan with:
Teen suicide =
Seen cut, I die.

David Bourke with:
Driving in treacherous weather conditions =
Oh, shivering winter...routine road accidents!

Rosie Perera with:
The Sunday Crossword Puzzle =
Cry: "Those word puns dazzle us!"

Ellie Dent with:
A North-Easterly wind =
Another winter, sadly...

David Bourke with:
The cold =

Harshal M. with:
Merchant is ~
richest man.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Talent for anagramming †
Mangling a neat art form.

View with:
Antagonist =
A giant snot.

David Bourke with:
A kiss under the mistletoe =
Result: Mistake "on the side"!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Free dating website =
Estranged wife, I bet.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Is that your final answer?" =
"No, wait further analysis."

Harshal M. with:
Restaurant =
Star nature.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Pancreatitis =
It rates panic!

Christopher Sturdy with:
One tequila
Two tequila
Three tequila
...Floor! =
Not equal to the A-rate liquor, I feel quite low!

Harshal M. with:
The Bubonic Plague ~
beat public enough.

View with:
Get me out of here =
Refugee motto, eh?

Larry Brash with:
Forensic psychiatrist =
Fishy sorts in practice.

Larry Brash with:
General Adult Psychiatrist =
Setting heads, particularly.

Harshal M. with:
Fast race =
Car's feat

Tom Myers with:
Topless go-go dancers =
O God! Gasp! Let's censor!

Tom Myers with:
True Grit =
Gut trier.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
The employment interviews =
Her twenty-eleven (2011) optimism.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Said in rescue of gal =
"Curses! Foiled again!"

Rosie Perera with:
The model for a life drawing class =
Daring maid's clothes were all off.

Harshal M. with:
"Do not press" =
Send troops!

Tony Crafter with:
Despairingly ~
replying, "AIDS."

Ed Pegg Jr with:
December? I'd shout ~
"Much to be desired."

Harshal M. with:
Get ready =
Greet day.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
European colonialism =
A comer upon alien soil.

Dean Mayer with:
To be amongst friends =
Mates fostering bond.

Sofi Ikonic with:
Plates trap ~
apple tarts.

Tom Myers with:
Rose cut diamond =
So Romantic! DUDE!

Tom Myers with:
Good table manners †
Malt beer on gonads.

Chris Chatfield with:
Do Eskimos rub noses? =
Or does one kiss bums?

Tom Myers with:
do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti =
Material of Idols

Ivan Andonov with:
The arsonists =
Stair hotness

Harshal M. with:
Hourglass =
Rush goals

Harshal M. with:
Line coats ~
in a closet.

View with:
Unrestrained =
Ire and unrest.

View with:
Pharisaical =
Chap is a liar

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Is this thing on? Carry on. =
Right synchronisation.

Meyran Kraus with:
Neutered cats ~
resented a cut.

Meyran Kraus with:
Chemotherapy medication =
Oh, I hope it tamed my cancer...


1st - View with:
'The Social Network' =
Owner likes to chat.

2nd - Dean Mayer with:
The inaugural 'Slips of the Tongue' Awards =
Guess Sarah Palin would feature tonight.

eq3rd - Adie Pena with:
Mary Shelley's Victor Frankenstein ~
clearly invents his freaky monster!

eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'A Christmas Carol'. A novel by Charles Dickens =
Callers' visions badly shock mean character.

Dean Mayer with:
Anagrams in the Rude Section =
Can I re-read naughtiest noms?

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time =
He left iced domain of a gentle Zora.

View with:
'Die Antwoord' =
A new, odd trio.

Rosie Perera with:
"The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat" by Oliver Sacks =
Oh oh! Folks, it's very sick habit if he wore woman as tam.

Ellie Dent with:
Master detective, Sherlock Holmes ~
solved latest crime theme shocker.

Harshal M. with:
Famous blockbuster "The Social Network" =
Mark's countless trouble with Facebook.

Larry Brash with:
Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May, The Stig =
Jerks enjoying dream cars, models that may charm him.

Meyran Kraus with:
William Shakespeare, the Bard of Avon =
He's won avid praise for a bleak 'Hamlet'.

Ivan Andonov with:
Play it again, Sam! =
A pianist may lag.

Rosie Perera with:
The traditional song "Auld Lang Syne" by Robert Burns =
Tune sung boldly at bars and brothels to ring in year.

Tom Myers with:
Admirable works did reflect ~
film director Blake Edwards

Meyran Kraus with:
Michelangelo's "Pieta" =
A gem in holiest place.


1st - Harshal M. with:
New Year coming soon =
A worsening economy?

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
US president Obama's two years in office =
Enormous spirit of "Yes We Can" fades a bit.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
United Nations: Cholera epidemic threatens =
A concerned team help out residents in Haiti.

Tony Crafter with:
South Korean ire at hits =
Their honour is at stake.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Diplomatic cables rehash ~
Bhopal chemical disaster.

Tony Crafter with:
Britain grinds to a halt in the snow and ice =
White and not nice. And, alas, no British grit!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Christian allegory =
Holy Grail's certain.

Rosie Perera with:
Mister Julian Paul Assange =
Put in jail (useless anagram).

Rick Rothstein with:
Weather conditions? Harsh, treacherous, etc. =
Cars crash due to the rain, the snow or the ice.

Rosie Perera with:
Official engagement photos of William and Kate =
Good looking man fits with fine female at palace.

View with:
Car explodes in the center of Stockholm =
Locals or firemen don't expect the shock.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Julian Assange, founder of the website WikiLeaks =
We sense a weekend out of jail, if UK grants his bail.

Rosie Perera with:
"It's a prayerful consideration" =
I forecast Palin is ready to run.

View with:
Total Lunar Eclipse is coming =
It is alluring moon-spectacle.

Ellie Dent with:
Hot news? =
The snow.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Time's Person of the Year Mark Elliot Zuckerberg =
Facebook marketer rules: I'm the Net's prize glory!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Let your voice be heard =
O yuletide cheer! Bravo!

Harshal M. with:
Christmastime =
Mistiest charm.

David Bourke with:
A pair of antlers =
A peril for Santa!

Ellie Dent with:
Warmth softens yon ~
Frosty the Snowman!

Rosie Perera with:
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose =
Puny-horned hero, he led Santa's derisive herd yonder.

Larry Brash with:
England wins the Ashes Series against Australia =
War, in a sense, Aussies all get a thrashing instead.

Rosie Perera with:
Elizabeth Edwards stops cancer treatment =
It cements clear, brazen step towards death.

Ellie Dent with:
The legendary Sir Elton =
Hail! Tenderly greet son.

Rosie Perera with:
How to ring in the New Year =
Winter hooting anywhere.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Welcome, first of January twenty-eleven =
Act intense from twelve. Joyful New Year.


1st - Larry Brash with:
Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love =
Canny rocker duo, but not alive.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Actress Natalie Portman =
Spot an American starlet.

3rd- View with:
Former Israeli President Moshe Katsav =
He's some kind of rare, evil, master rapist

Harshal M. with:
Osama bin Laden =
Nails Obama... end!

View with:
Sarah Louise Palin =
An hilarious lapse!

Adie Pena with:
American singer Perry Como =
Crooning as my prime career.

Harshal M. with:
How is Einstein so smart? =
Answer: It's his emotions!

Tony Crafter with:
Captain Lawrence Edward Grace 'Titus' Oates =
Antarctic leader's gone. Crew awaits update...

Dean Mayer with:
Dino Paul Crocetti =
Old action picture.

Adie Pena with:
Stage actor and assassin John Wilkes Booth =
This jackass shoots down large nation's Abe.

Adie Pena with:
The Brigadier General Charles Elwood "Chuck" Yeager =
He will charge eagle-eyed, go crack the sound barrier!

Meyran Kraus with:
The USA environmentalist Al Gore =
A nut is enrolling me to save Earth.

Harshal M. with:
Washington ‡
was nothing.

Ellie Dent with:
Cleopatra VII, a Queen of Egypt =
Quite, very, appealing face, too.


1st - Tony Crafter with:
The wonder of Salisbury's "Stonehenge" =
Hey, it's renowned for huge stone slabs!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Niagara Falls in New York, United States =
It is known as a great and really fun site.

eq3rd - Larry Brash with:
Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome =
Cynic: "Many queer men died from suicide."

eq3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Department of Homeland Security =
I'd protect the US from an enemy lad.

eq3rd- Rosie Perera with:
The Cardiac Intensive Care Unit =
Inactive ancient heart is cured.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Easter Island, Chile =
Recall heads in site.

View with:
The International Space Station =
Is Planet Earth nations' action, E.T.!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Winchester Cathedral, England =
Wanderers can light the candle.

Larry Brash with:
Royal Australian Regiments =
National Army? Sure, it's large.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Everest Peace Project: Climb for Peace =
Pact object: Come, face peril, persevere!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Dim Sum Chinese Restaurant =
It ensured a Christmas menu.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Save The Children =
Christ led heaven.

Meyran Kraus with:
State Hermitage =
I see that art gem.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Department of Homeland Security =
Responded to much fear mentality.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Male puberty entails:
- Hairiness issues
- First signs of acne
- Morning erections
- A changing voice
- Wishing they were old. =

Men's mid-life crisis contains:
- Loss of hair
- Weight gain
- Cheating on spouses
- Buying newer cars
- Reliving the teen years.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The weather conditions across the United Kingdom =
Most ignored the radio...stuck in the snow and the ice!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Why would a frog enjoy reading any of Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes adventures? =
Why, only nature: evidence shows he's enormously fond of a jolly croak-and-dagger.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Pentagon sees little risk in allowing gay men and women to serve openly =
Yet, will witnesses overlook any paired gentleman-gentleman spooning?

Tony Crafter with:

A crop of flippant group-names for scholarly prostitutes, harlots and other hot floosies.


A Chapter of Trollope's
An Anthology of Pro's
A Pride of Loins
A Flourish of Strumpets
The Cream of Tarts

Adie Pena with:
"The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" =
Ah, a rather long ocean story. And how effective in Three-D!

Dean Mayer with:
I deplore those paedophiles hanging around on the internet =
Oh so dangerous "pretend" people online - ain't right in the head

Ellie Dent with:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know =
Major nightmare, with snow flakes, ice outside: tedious, methinks.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way."--Mark Twain =
"Wise writer knows when to downplay commas or halt a weak metaphor."--Anon

Christopher Sturdy with:
Happy Birthday, Weatherfield.
Here's to five more decades of Coronation Street. =
Viewers of that Soap Opera adore it!
Do cheer December the Ninth.
Fifty years old!

Adie Pena with:
"Cathedral Church of the Holy Trinity, and of St Peter and St Paul and of St Swithun" =
That pretty difficult handle can annoy, thus should adapt "Winchester" for short.

Tony Crafter with:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones I used to know =
Me too. With endless jams, no trains home, Gatwick shut... i.e; dire, if UK!

View with:
Council of Europe report accused Hashim Thaci of leading criminal organisation linked to organ trafficking =
Hi, pigs, I concede! I flagrant crook, Head, King in control of regional mafia focused on human parts retail circuit.

Adie Pena with:
Why did God create woman? Catholic men want beaver bush treat. =
Why did God create man? Because the vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Cardiologist's Diet: "If it tastes good, spit it out." (author unknown)=
"Don't cook with oiliest saturated fats." Sir, I petition! Got doughnuts?

Larry Brash with:
The Republic of Korea (South) and the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North) =
The elected pair of cock-heads are both in a proper pickle. Hours of trouble mount.


eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Right before Christmas eve, Santa noticed he had lost his 'Naughty or Nice' list. Would you please make a new one for him?"
Now, folks are much too naughty here,
So I'll provide that sad decree:
One nice man won his gift this year,
But he, alas, is me!

eq1st - Larry Brash with:
"Right before Christmas eve, Santa noticed he had lost his 'Naughty or Nice' list. Would you please make a new one for him?"
OK Santa, here's the new list I have compiled for you:

Most humanist aborigines.

Each of the world leaders.

3rd - View with:
"Right before Christmas eve, Santa noticed he had lost his 'Naughty or Nice' list. Would you please make a new one for him?"

task to
decide who
is nice or bad.
Everyone sometimes
Pleasing or wrongful human.

Tony Crafter with:

I bought my wife a new shovel.
Refused alcohol once.
I don't miss the toilet pan.

NAUGHTY (rare)

Those Shakira dreams.

Rosie Perera with:
Sarah Palin (too foolish)
Sean Hannity (worse grime)
Rush L. (defective)

Obama (trusted)
Keith O. (he's welcomed)

Dharam Khalsa with:
My answer?

L. Brash
(Ho, ho! One can of suet!)

(Ho, ho! Plum-sweet gift!)

Christopher Sturdy with:
The good:

The undeserving:
The footballers
The Houses of Parliament
The wicked
Any war criminals

Rosie Perera with:
A nice present to:
Rosie (me)
Her sister
Her dad
Ah, why not the whole family...

Coal in stocking:
Geo. Bush (famous naive adult)

Dean Mayer with:
Woollen housecoats for my dad and my nephews; for Auntie Ethel, I got a rather mischievous sheer black satin nightie.

Rosie Perera with:

So smart!

Rosie Perera with:
Boys are naughty. Those macho kids run all over, shout, fool, and hit.

Girls are nice. Ah...sweet, feminine, modest, with peace.

Larry Brash with:
The Nice:
Larry Brash, he's such a talented medical man, however, you must not ask his good wife's other opinion: "Get a Life!"

Rosie Perera with:
Clean anagrams, ideal ones with poised vowels.

The RUDE forum. I.e., shit, f*ck, hooters, labia, hymen... Those rot!

Dharam Khalsa with:

Naughty: (Oh dear, awful!)
Mommy...She kissed Santa Claus! Ooh, I got it all on video!

Rosie Perera with:
Naughty? I see:
Osama (mad rotter)
The Grinch

Nice? I see:
Obama (a US pres.)
Cindy Lou Who and the rest of the folks in Whoville.

David Bourke with:
Heaven is: Found shitfaced on Scotch whisky with
Rosie Perera under the mistletoe, Anagram Genius.

A hell: A lobotomy.

Dharam Khalsa with:
An Awesome List:
Good behavior
True humility
Teach kindness
World peace

Dharam Khalsa with:
A 'Nice' Youth's List:
(and no clothes!)

P.S. Oh, wait...Take old Gran off each list, though. She was run over by a reindeer!

Larry Brash with:
The Naughty:
Some selfishly-behaved countries impose war. A shame!
The Nice:
Good fair kind countries not at war. Hello!

Adie Pena with:
Attach feature to one:



Dharam Khalsa with:
Santa to a Homeowner:

Old-fashioned cookies
White Chevre
Holiday mints

Limburger cheese (ugh!)

Dean Mayer with:
Oh yeah!
Facial hair reduction (huh?)
Fleshy tits
More cleavage

Oh no!
Broken nose
Twisted legs
Twisted arms

Rosie Perera with:
(Ah, I check my list twice)

Ideal traditions:
A tree
Gingerbread house

Foul ones:
Santa hat (ho, ho, ho!)
Frumpy elves

Harshal M. with:
NAUGHTY (alas, that sort...)
Alcoholism (oh!)

NICE (Whoopee!)

Harshal M. with:
Shut up! I decline! NO! He can make another. Well? He is far clever enough. That man has wits, too. Satisfied? I'm sorry. Goodbye.

Tom Myers with:
I do not know what became of "Nice." I hear Tom Myers, a deep devil, has stolen a list of the raunchier "Naughty" girls' houses.

Harshal M. with:
Teacher (I)
Be present with us here each time.


Hold on... no school!

Dharam Khalsa with:
If I had to choose it:

My relatives

Inhumane deer and wolf hunters

Dharam Khalsa with:
Mother: "Santa Claus, you shameless maligned fiend, who are you to pick one of the children as whose invite?"

Ellie Dent with:
"Right before Christmas eve, Santa noticed he had lost his 'Naughty or Nice' list. Would you please make a new one for him?"



Usual senators here
Tightwad oilmen
Fascist dictator


Wise men
Holy folk
Brave heroes...
Oh, and I hope, me!


1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
A shepherd was herding his flock into a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a stylish Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep are in your flock, will you give me one?"

The shepherd looked at the young man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and quietly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his notebook and connected it to a cell phone. Then he surfed to a page on the Internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and opened an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry. After a few moments, he received a response.

Finally, the young man printed a 159-page report on his miniaturized printer and turned to the shepherd and said,


"I have determined that you handle exactly 951 sheep."

"Correct," said the shepherd, appearing disheartened. "Go ahead, take one of the sheep."

He watched the expensively dressed, clean fingernailed man pick an animal in a hilly pasture and place it in his spotless new German car.

Before the winner could leave, the shepherd thought of a spontaneous proposition and signalled him to stop, pleading. "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give that animal back?"

"Sure, why not?" replied the flippant man, undeterred.

"You are a professional consultant!" the shepherd announced.

"Brilliant, I'm impressed!" answered the puzzled man. "How could you guess that?"

"No special knack required," stated the shepherd. "First, you turned up here at dawn when nobody called you. Then you offered to charge me for an answer I already knew, to something I never asked, and you don't know sh*t about my business!

Now, give me back my dog!"

2nd - Tony Crafter with:

A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final. Just as he was sitting down, another man came along and asked if anyone would be sitting in the empty seat next to him.

"No they wont," he replied, "the seat is free."

"Honest? That's incredible!" exclaimed the other man, "now, who in their right mind would have a seat like this, for the greatest sporting event of the year, and then not even use it?"

He said, "Well, these seats do both belong to me. My wife was supposed to have been here with me but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final she hasn't been to since the day we were married."

"Gosh... I'm so sorry to hear that. Heck, that's dreadful. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a close friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat, then?"

The man shook his head...

"I'm afraid not. They're all at the funeral."



A Yorkshireman's wife dies and, being pragmatic, he decides that he will just have the brief epitaph "She Were Thine" engraved upon her headstone.

He visits a stonemason, who tells him that it should be ready a few days after the funeral.

True to his word the craftsman calls the husband to say that the tombstone is finished and would he like to come by to inspect it. When the man gets there, he takes one look at the stone and notices that it has been engraved "She Were Thin".

"Bloomin' 'eck man!" he explodes; "I can't 'ave that - you've left a flamin' 'E' out!"

The stonemason apologises for the gaffe and assures him that it will be rectified by the morning.

Next day the widower returns. "Right, sir," says the mason, "I've put the 'E' on the stone for you".

The widower looks at the stone and reads out aloud: "E, She Were Thin".

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Conan Doyle gets in a car, to have a cab driver greet him as 'Mr. Doyle.'
'You know me! How?'
'First, notice of news placed in my local paper, plus small stain on pen hand, and I deduce it must be Sir Arthur, writer.'
'Fantastic!' Doyle gasps.
'One thing,' the man adds.
'Your name's on your case.'


Holmes: ' Watson, I can in fun recount perfectly your day's engagements.' 'Perceptively, Mr Holmes!'
'Lunch meeting at a British upper class address. Then, after a drive across town aboard a tram, dinner in, at eight.'
Watson: 'And how do you know ?'
'I accompanied you all day,' said Holmes.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat

Adie Pena with:
There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year! Foolish as it may seem, our killjoy Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas season. This baffling and party pooping law is not for any religious reason. =
Poor Jesus! They simply can not find THREE WISE MEN in the Nation's Capitol area. Similarly, a systematic honest search continues for an upright, a saintly VIRGIN. However, there was no incapability in the tedious task to find enough arrogant ASSES to suitably fill the stable.

Harshal M. with:
Toy Story 3
Alice in Wonderland
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Shrek Forever After
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Iron Man 2
Despicable Me
Clash of the Titans
How to Train Your Dragon


1, 2, 3... ten apt entries which made the list!
Ah, two peppy designs: Dreamworks.
Nolan obtains large total profit. He ought! He's one god!
Deft, tertiary Toy Story chapter is an overall critical hit! Yay!
Honor grand, sorcerer half-finale now.

Larry Brash with:
Travels into Several Remote Nations of the World, in Four Parts. By Lemuel Gulliver, First a Surgeon, then a Captain of several Ships. =
It is Swift's clever full-length moral satire of human nature or passion; the inventive parody of a poor travellers' tales sub-genre.

Harshal M. with:
You can thrive

Dharam Khalsa with:
Female puberty signs and symptoms:

- Enlargement of the breasts
- Armpit and pubic hair growth
- Start of menstrual period
- Facial blemishes
- Moodiness

(But, these are temporary)


Female menopausal symptom summary:

- Weight gain
- Hot flashes
- Antarctic libido (rare)
- Stress
- Interrupted sleep
- Boob and other body part sag

(Remember, this stuff is permanent!)


1st - Tony Crafter with:
ANNOUNCEMENT: International Alert Levels Raised!

The English are feeling the heat in the wake of recent terrorist threats and, as a safeguard, have now raised the national security level from "Displeased" to "Peeved". Security levels may soon be raised again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in Nineteen-forty, when it looked like tea supplies could run short.

Terrorism has been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was back in Fifteen-eighty-eight, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have also raised their level from "Pissed Off" to "So, let's go and get those Bastards". They do not have any more levels. This is the reason those war-waging Scots have been used on the British army's front line for the last three-hundred years.

The French government announced today that it has raised its alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". This unusual rise was precipitated by a recent fire in France that wrecked a major white flag factory and has effectively paralysed all the country's military capabilities.

Italy has also increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing".~
There are two levels left: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their state of terrorist alert from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor's Territory" and "Lose".

The Belgians aren't bothered as they're all on holiday. The only itty-bitty threat they find to worry about is that of NATO pulling out of Brussels soon.

The Spanish are excited to see their latest submarines ready to be deployed. These nifty, perfectly designed submarines have glass bottoms fitted so that the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

In the meantime, the Americans are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on their friends "just in case".

Canada doesn't have any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels from "baa" to "BAA!" Due to their current stiff reductions in defence spending, New Zealand has only one further level of alert, which is: "I hope Australia will come to our rescue".

Australia has raised its security alert level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three other escalation levels remain. They are: "Crikey!"; "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend"; and, thirdly, "The barbie is cancelled".

So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the third escalation level.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Hemos Perdido Aun Este Crepusculo

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
'All Saints' by Christina G. Rossetti

Ellie Dent with:
Christmas haikus

Tony Crafter with:
Winter Wonderland

David Bourke with:
Christmas time, mistletoe and wine

Adie Pena with:
Christmas Haiku by Alan Harris


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Horse's genitalia =
This is a large one!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
I am inbreeding =
I been riding ma!

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Girls clamor to a ~
clitoral orgasm.

View with:
Female masturbation =
No male arm, but "fiesta"!

David Bourke with:
South African president Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma =
Basically, the cunt's a huge-nosed prize joke, I'm afraid.

Dean Mayer with:
Other names for the 'council gritter' =
Hole, rectum, fart region , shit cornet.

Dean Mayer with:
A semi-erection ‡
I come as I enter.

Rick Rothstein with:
An orgasmic release =
Realises organ came.

Dean Mayer with:
The Gay Disease =
Get AIDS - easy, eh?

Adie Pena with:
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus =
Mum was saying, "O, St. Nick's salami!"

View with:
The world's oldest profession =
Words define hostess (trollop).

Ivan Andonov with:
Reluctant =
Later, cunt!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Teenaged girl: "So, Ma, how do I know if the man's well hung?" =
Mom: "Girl, I knew! When a noose was tight enough, Dad fell."

Tony Crafter with:
Gay bonding =
Going bandy!

The Anagrammy Awards