Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2011


1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
All good things must come to an end =
Man, those glad times couldn't go on!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A psychoanalyst using the Freudian method ~
can help you find out the things a dream says.

3rd - View with:
Search for tequila =
Chase after liquor.

Ivan Andonov with:
A disabled person =
Bad spine's ordeal.

Alconcalcia with:
Social Media Guru =
A ludicrous image.

Rob Bretveld with:
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas =
Gents pay wage, have past sins vanish.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Never look a gift horse in the mouth =
No, he might volunteer a hoof strike!

Tony Crafter with:
Relief of tension =
One life, no strife.

David Bourke with:
Nice legs, shame about the boat race =
A teen, her moustache a big obstacle!

Dean Mayer with:
Trapped in a loveless marriage ~
as girl is prepared to leave man.

Rosie Perera with:
Quick! Close it, and enter "none" in ~
a LinkedIn connection request.

nedesto with:
Life's too short ~
to lose for this.

nedesto with:
Duty desertion ~
destroyed unit.

Larry Brash with:
Keep off the grass =
Pot gaff.. she reeks.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Have tinny ~
in the Navy.

Rosie Perera with:
The game wardens =
We snag the armed.

Rosie Perera with:
Renewable energy sources =
Surely we're green beacons.

nedesto with:
She's faking yet another orgasm =
Great for his ego. Say thanks, men!

David Bourke with:
Serial infidelity =
Daily relief's in it!

Dharam Khalsa with:
False accusation ~
is no factual case.

Heather Anne Downs with:
My God recreates ~
sacred geometry.

Adie Pena with:
Cathedral's ~
arch lasted.

nedesto with:
Gerontology =
Too long grey.

nedesto with:
Strange coincidences =
A disconcerting scene.

Adie Pena with:
A clotheshorse ~
chooses halter.

Ellie Dent with:
A camera isn't ~
a cinema star.

Harshal M. with:
A thunderstorm =
Threat drums on.

Rosie Perera with:
Threatening clouds =
Rain gets unclothed.

Adie Pena with:
"Atheism is a non-prophet organisation." =
A Pope's orientation isn't a high Roman's.

Meyran Kraus with:
Forty five percent =
Very off-center tip.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Shooting =
Goon hits!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Careful thought ‡
Go after Cthulhu.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Natural medicines =
Anemic? Rusted nail!

Larry Brash with:
A natural medicine =
Lie! Ain't a damn cure!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Natural medicines =
Manure's identical.

HSP with:
Animal magnetism =
Get mammalian sin.


1st - Harshal M. with:
Leonardo da Vinci's drawing, "The Last Supper" =
I arrange twelve pupils and soon add Christ.

2nd - nedesto with:
The Mona Lisa by the artist Leonardo da Vinci =
Nobody can rival that hesitant smile I adore.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The third movie in the Transformer series =
It seems even more horrid than their first!

Ivan Andonov with:
"Where the Hell is Matt?" viral videos =
We hail the most devilish traveler!

nedesto with:
Jonathan Livingston Seagull - a story =
Long journey that signals salvation.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader =
Heavy fog threatened dear two.

View with:
Village People, 'In The Navy' =
Appealing, even lovely, hit.

Adie Pena with:
The 'Harry Potter' series of eight movies =
Oh, forget the premise. It's over this year!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Food Network Channel's Giada De Laurentiis =
Italian-US godsend, a real wonder of the kitchen!

Adie Pena with:
The musician Stewart Armstrong Copeland =
This gent can start as a Police drummer now.

Adie Pena with:
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two" ~
or "That otherworldly war tale that ends happy!"

Harshal M. with:
The film "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II" =
The ideal format - a worthy thriller that ends happily!

Tony Crafter with:
The Walt Disney Animation Studios in California =
An initial idea is now a film industry on the coast!

Rosie Perera with:
The Highland games of Scotland =
Meant half-clothed gonads. Sigh!

Ellie Dent with:
A hint of a smile ~
if the Mona Lisa.

Adie Pena with:
The TV series, "CSI: Miami" =
It is the massive crime!

db with:
'Waterloo' by the Swedish group Abba =
A post we agree? - "What bloody rubbish!"


1st - Tony Crafter with:
The singer Amy Winehouse is dead =
Oh, my. Herein dies a wasted genius.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The late singer Amy Winehouse =
Eulogy in her twenties...a shame.

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The tabloid 'The News of the World' =
The death blow: the owner folds it.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Tribes fear loss of sacred sites near NM fire =
One's sense is sober after cliff art is marred.

Rosie Perera with:
July is national cell phone courtesy month =
Millions are on. Can't they jolly shut up once!?

nedesto with:
The fourth of July is Independence Day =
They ejected unfunny idea of lordship.

Rosie Perera with:
The United States debt ceiling =
Cut it! Need ideas? Tighten belts.

Rosie Perera with:
The Casey Anthony "not guilty" verdict =
They give outcry: "THAT lady's innocent?!!"

Adie Pena with:
A 'Yup, I'm a Racist' tee-shirt =
Tea Party crime is a U.S. hit?

Christopher Sturdy with:
News of the World to close amid hacking scandal =
Watched on as shocking crimes lead to downfall.

Rosie Perera with:
News of the World ceases publication =
We spun "facts" here; now I close tabloid.

Meyran Kraus with:
The State of Florida versus Casey Marie Anthony =
Our sham of a verdict hastily set a nasty one free.

Don P Fortier with:
Is western democracy alive in Egypt? =
We do see Islamic center party vying.

David Bourke with:
News Corporation =
Now race to prison!

Heather Anne Downs with:
Cookout in space =
Occasion to puke!

View with:
Egyptians protest against slow pace of reform ‡
Cairo's people promoting a staff's new strategy.

Adie Pena with:
The Carmageddon in Los Angeles =
Ah, gentlemen, a "Road Closed" sign!

David Bourke with:
Rupert Murdoch apologises =
Such a good sport, Mr Puerile!

View with:
Volcano Erupts in the Central Indonesia =
I.e., cone-center spits hot lava on land. I run.

Adie Pena with:
Oh, certainly a nasty ~
Casey Anthony trial.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Repeal of the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy =
Poof didn't let on. All kept a secret holy.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Casey Anthony verdict =
Cynic: "The end? Oh, a travesty!"

Harshal M. with:
Sudan now split =
I spun two lands.

nedesto with:
Wendi D. halts shareholder uproar =
Her slap is heard around the world.

nedesto with:
Scorching heat wave grips U.S. =
Given this, A/C purchases grow.

Rosie Perera with:
Atlantis makes final shuttle landing =
Last time; thankful NASA's ending it all.

Ellie Dent with:
The Realist Lucian Freud dies =
I detail flesh: nature is crude.

Tony Crafter with:
Those News International reporters =
Errant writers seen to tap lines? Oh no!

Ellie Dent with:
The drought in Eastern Africa =
Distraught: face no rain there.

Adie Pena with:
Oslo, Norway and the Island of Utoya, Buskerud =
Bloody sad! Lousy week for us and a hurt nation.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Last second agreement =
Elder statesmen conga.

Rosie Perera with:
Britain bans airbrushed make-up ads =
Pan hubris. Bear a maid's true bad skin.

Rosie Perera with:
The possibility of an American default =
Nuts: "I officially hate President Obama."


1st - Harshal M. with:
François-Auguste-René Rodin =
Our genius does art in France.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The late singer, Ms. Amy Jade Winehouse =
Some Jewish genius met an early death.

3rd - nedesto with:
President Barack Hussein Obama =
Subpoenas asked, "American birth?"

Alconcalcia with:
Christine Lagarde =
Retained cash girl.

Ivan Andonov with:
Natasha Richardson, Liam Neeson's late wife =
A cranial smash into a stone saw her life end.

Adie Pena with:
The singer Tino Rossi =
So, is the rising tenor!

Rosie Perera with:
Robert Pershing Wadlow =
Wardrobe owner's plight.

David Bourke with:
Casey Marie Anthony =
*Any* honesty, America?

View with:
Ratko Mladic =
I'm a dark clot.

View with:
Ben-Gurion =
One big run.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Vlad the Impaler ~
had vampire 'tell'.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Rupert and James Murdoch =
Rated under "Major Chumps".

Harshal M. with:
Pierce Brendan Brosnan of County Meath =
I found Sean Connery better. A born champ!

Rosie Perera with:
Tenzin Gyatso, the Dalai Lama =
Totally amazing head in East.

Rosie Perera with:
Keith Rupert Murdoch, AC, KSG =
Rich thug, despot, muckraker.

View with:
Alpha Condé =
Lead on, chap!

Adie Pena with:
The lead guitarist Saul Hudson =
Slash: "I'd a great loud U.S. hit tune!"

Ellie Dent with:
Keith R. Murdoch =
The horrid muck!

Tony Crafter with:
Norwegian, Anders Behring Breivik =
God in Heaven! Berserk brain-wiring?

Christopher Sturdy with:
Anders Behring Breivik =
Ever-irking behind bars.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Anders Behring Breivik =
Brash Viking inbreeder.


1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The new McDonald's Happy Meal =
Demand healthy McApples now.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Federal Bureau of Investigation =
But as I've feared, I got a life on the run.

3rd - Rob Bretveld with:
The Big Bang theory =
Bygone bright heat.

Dean Mayer with:
Tesco supermarket chain ~
makes another cut prices.

Andrew Brehaut with:
South Sudan =
US handouts.

nedesto with:
The Basilica of Saint Peter in Rome =
Bear holiest pontificate remains.

Adie Pena with:
News Corporation =
Owners in crap, too!

View with:
Toyota Highlander =
O, hit a lengthy road!

Meyran Kraus with:
The grave of Robin Hood =
Honor brave good thief.

Harshal M. with:
London Games =
One man's gold!

Rosie Perera with:
Defect? Loss? Aha! Go to ~
The Sale of Goods Act.

Tony Crafter with:
The Norwegian island, Utoya =
Ruing a nation's deathly woe.

Harshal M. with:
Apple smartphone =
The plan: more apps!

Jesse Frankovich with:
Sedonan resort =
Sonoran Desert.

Christopher Sturdy with:
News Corporation =
CEO into porn wars.

Dharam Khalsa with:
President of the United States of America =
That paid office needs serious treatment!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
The House of Representatives =
Superhero if the Senate votes?

Larry Brash with:
The Vietnamese War =
A veteran is: we... them...

Ivan Andonov with:
The Daniel F. Etter Memorial Award =
It had me rate a word flair element.

David Bourke with:
The Great British Beer Festival in Earls Court =
All are hubristic after seven or eight bitters!

Ellie Dent with:
The New iPhone Four from Apple ~
who free up phenomenal profit!

Ellie Dent with:
The Bengal Indian Tigers =
A ginger, thin-lined beast.


1st - Tony Crafter with:
Tuff, a Scotsman, sidled into the Glasgow library and asked the prim female librarian, "Have ye got any books on suicide?" ~
After pausing a minute, the woman looked icily at him over her glasses, and said...
"Sod off ye bastard, ye'll no bring it back!"

2nd - Larry Brash with:
International Classification of Diseases, Tenth Revision =
In a real sense, it sorts each affliction into neat divisions.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Why I'd advise never looking a gift horse in the mouth =
They've no mouthwash, reek of hidden oral gingivitis!

Harshal M. with:
A man went to a store in the midst of March to pick a present for his girlfriend.
They soon met, and he carried a fake diamond. ~
She weeped, "A dirty moron! The damn diamond there isn't real!"
He affirmed, "No! For Saint Patrick, I got one fantastic sham-rock!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
World number one, Novak Djokovic beat holder Rafael Nadal to win the men's singles title.
The rare, hot man never looked like losing Wimbledon.
Just fantastic! Bravo and well done.

David Bourke with:
Actress Isabella Fiorella Elettra Giovanna Rossellini =
An Italian, great in all sorts of roles, I believe...real class!

nedesto with:
"From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee." =
Ahab's threat to sea behemoth's life is a pretty harmless trifle: "Take that!"

Rosie Perera with:
Bill Gates' foundation challenge: to reinvent toilet =
Then villages'll get fine "Eco-Latrine" unit. Not too bad!

Meyran Kraus with:
Abraham Lincoln, James Garfield, William McKinley, John F. Kennedy =
Major men, all calmly killed by an aiming jerk's hand when in office.

Ellie Dent with:
We remember the tale: a fine sample of a teaser with relentlessly challenging appeal: 'Why is the chicken crossing the road?' =
To which William Shakespeare, a man of speech and letters, can reply: 'Tell me where lies fancy's egg, in the breast or in the leg?'

David Bourke with:
Tiger Woods has fallen out of the top twenty rankings in the world =
In the news? ROTFL! Get this...tainted golfer knows how to play a round!

Adie Pena with:
Can you please give me right now all the human body parts that are spelled with just three letters? =
The adult students can shortly tell that we have the person's ARM, LEG, TOE, EYE, EAR, LIP, HIP, RIB, GUM, JAW.

Meyran Kraus with:
A few of Amy Winehouse's hits predicting her early death: "Rehab", "Tears Dry On Their Own" and "Back To Black" =
But we find that Amy's real foreboding "hits" this year are heroin, crack, hash, blow, crank, peyote and weed.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Rupert Murdoch is very touched at all the messages of condolence left on Amy Winehouse's voice mail. =
Mobile phones may offer more cute choices these days:

Divulge to News International

Dharam with:
"Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got." -- Janis Joplin =
Join eulogy: "One jolly musician promptly overdoses. Far out!"


1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
"It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong." - John Cheever =
Phone rang.
Demanding mother-in-law just coming for a sudden long visit.
Oh, see I'm screwed!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong." - John Cheever =
"Hell, I'm just gonna go down and record some danged seafish, then I'm coming up." - Steve R. Irwin

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong." - John Cheever =
A nightjar's song.
Danger looming:
Man unmoved,
Opens fire.
How wretched...
Music died.

Dharam Khalsa with:
I'm jogging...er...nude, fall down hard, when insects sting me - no provocation! I'm a red-hued mess!

Harshal M. with:
"Nonsense! Some cunning Democrat would jam this divine lordship and get him far!"
- George W.

David Bourke with:
Lord! Now goddamn murdering scum chose Nine-Eleven for imposing jihad against the West!

David Bourke with:
Lord! Now goddamn murdering scum chose Nine-Eleven for imposing jihad against the West!

Adie Pena with:
'Til seven cops descended on this hidden ongoing farm lot where mum's growing marijuana!

Larry Brash with:
... until seven more cops smashed in, and found me dragging on a whole joint. Right! I'm screwed!

Larry Brash with:
Until the condemned man (oh, a mugger) was given his slow injection and died from Progress.

Dharam Khalsa with:
When a juggler of no commitment missed, sending pins into a crowd. I never laughed so hard!

David Bourke with:
So...'News of The World' ending...missing evidence...damn Rupert Murdoch, he's a man going to jail!

Rosie Perera with:
And...surprise!...nothing did. I managed to have Jesus escorting me from condemning hell. Wow!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Then, wow! Mum discovers our child joined a slime fishmonger, is pregnant and not engaged!

Larry Brash with:
Until some judge handed down his solemn verdict for crimes against women: hanging rope.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Jeered Gov. Sarah Palin shrugged her dwindling commitments to focus on a new dimension.

nedesto with:
Then a judge's sentence got me ruled imprisoned for having drawn him sodomising a clown!

Harshal M. with:
Then a cunning clown from Middle East jeopardised some high towers, moving US in danger.

Dharam Khalsa with:
When I downed just one small decomposing mushroom in the fridge... darn, a gastric evening!

Dharam Khalsa with:
"I'm in a midsummer prose gig - glance down, and what?! find I've got no undershorts!" - John Cleese

Dharam Khalsa with:
June garden:
A shining pond
A child's swing
Wisdom and cheer

Larry Brash with:
Mum and Ginger and I removed dog piss on the nice clean floor we washed just this morning.

Rosie Perera with:
However, gosh dang it, I ended in "gotcha journalism" during "freedom" news comments. - S. Palin

David Bourke with:
"The coming sad, sorrowful midsummer evening, God snatched Diana" - weeping Sir Elton John

nedesto with:
"When a prejudiced demon's gun wrongs me as I'm having good times in Ford's Theatre." - Lincoln

Rosie Perera with:
Then I Googled Mother (Sue) and found she's in jail now (recent crime). Dad's moving in w/ Gramps.

Larry Brash with:
The TV announced:
Diana, Princess of Wales, injured.
Glow... dimmer...
God, she is gone!
Grim month.

View with:
Thought, a plain warning crossed mine mind - Jesus, End of the World is coming! Game over! End!

Rosie Perera with:
I'd see tots swerving in unmanned car. End of the world! Jesus, I'm going home! - Harold Camping

David Bourke with:
Jordan (with stunning developed chest) found her silicone mammaries sagging down more!

Meyran Kraus with:
Calming view of golden-red sun just emerged in Hiroshima ponds.
The war's coming to an end.

David Bourke with:
The scheming Tories under David Cameron are news...just impending doom...hangings follow.

Christopher Sturdy with:
No-one heard the juggernaut coming...
Friends mown down, limo dispatched, several missing.

David Bourke with:
"Even *I'm* fuming, Peter...dangling down, nailed high to a wooden cross. Damn Rome!" - Jesus Christ

Dharam Khalsa with:
Now the judge summons a clinging man from prison to die, and crowds revel in his death. Gee!

Dan Fortier with:
June's scorching end, and dives in a swimming pool lighten the mood for underwater games.

Ellie Dent with:
When top dog Murdoch finds a glum nation watching: misdoings enliven readers... some jeer.

Dharam Khalsa with:
So, John dodges
Undercurrent of
Maligned media;
Evil, with no
Respect shown.

Don P Fortier with:
Imagine me discovering forum went down, crashing, and I just handled some long post here!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Collective minds might ignore John's profound meaning, as we negate his words. Damn rude!


1st - Tony Crafter with:

1. Elvis Presley
2. The Beatles
3. Michael Jackson
4. Frank Sinatra
5. Abba
6. Led Zeppelin
7. Nana Mouskouri
8. Queen
9. Tino Rossi
10. Julio Iglesias


1. The King.
2. Liverpool group.
3. Tranquilizers kill.
4. Ol' Blue Eyes.
5. Jesus! Just look at those females!
6. Metal band.
7. A Cretan in specs
8. Britain's best!
9. Ancient, I see!
10. As in: 'I am Spanish'.

2nd - Harshal M. with:
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules? =

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

So, do you live around here often?

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?

3rd - Ellie Dent with:

I dreaded the first Service of my own, and was just so nervous and wretched I could scarcely speak.

After I had finished, I found the Abbot, a cheery, robust character, to ask him to judge honestly how I'd done.

He replied, 'Whenever I'm uneasy about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of brandy or sherry near the water glass. When I start to get truly ruffled, I have a sip.'

So at Mass on the following Sunday I took the helpful Abbot's advice.

At the start of my sermon I felt cold, and began to jabber, so I took just a short drink, and I proceeded rather more serenely.

On my return to the office I saw this note attached to the door: ~

1 Do take one sip of brandy - don't gulp.

2. There is in fact a total of twelve disciples, not ten.

3. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

4. Moreover, we do not refer to our living Christ as the late J.C.

5. Furthermore, if we are in a church we don't usually refer to The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost as Pop, Junior, and the Spook.

6. And also, we never refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

7. When He, Jesus Christ who is our Light and Saviour, broke bread at the last supper He said, 'Take this and eat it, for it is my body.' He did not say, 'Eat me.'

8. Finally, the recommended grace we have to say before a meal is not 'Rub-A-Dub Dub, thanks for the Grub, God!'

You are fired.

And that, my children, is my story.

Rosie Perera with:
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to talk to a lawyer and have him present with you while you are being questioned.
If you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will be appointed to represent you before any questioning, if you wish.
You can decide at any time to exercise these rights and not answer any questions or make any statements.
Do you understand each of these rights I have explained to you?
Having these rights in mind, do you wish to talk to us now?
Hey, asshole! We are the sassy vice squad.
You are under arrest, and we think you are a demon.
So we are going to parade you in front of the TV channel media (a funny tradition we call the "perp walk").
This will cause the entire United States to find you guilty before you have even had a trial.
You will go to this bad prison where you may get treated as quite a nasty heinous sinning gay con by obnoxious, snotty, rough dudes in with you. (Want to quiver in whining agony? They may make it worse.)
Don't expect to go free any time soon.
Oh, and it ain't self-incrimination. Hah, hah!

View with:
1. There's no passion
2. To delay a breakup
3. Because absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder
4. To avoid being left out in the cold
5. To make a break from a bad relationship
6. To find that missing piece
7. To give him a taste of his own medicine
1. Ah. absence of top orgasm!
2. To 'hide head' - procrastinate divorce idea (kids, babies)
3. Wife's love ain't strong enough
4. Fear to be alone
5. To forget unlucky kismet with precedent
6. To obtain apt, noble man
7. Hide (if had) hate; aims to make nemesis

nedesto with:
Bobby Knight, died, went to heaven, and met God. God was showing him around. They came by an empty modest house with the IU flag in the window. "This is yours Bobby," said God. "It's very special; not everyone in here gets a house."

Bobby noticed another house stood there on the block; a great new three-story mansion with a black and a gold sidewalk; a tall flagpole with an enormous Purdue flag. Contained ~ in every window corner: the shiny Purdue logo. Bobby wasn't so thrilled.

Emphatic, Bobby looked at God and said, "Well, God, I'm not trying to be harsh or ungrateful, right? But I want to ask you: I was a good coach, a champ. I've held 3 NCAA titles, won 900+ games and I even went to the hall of fame. So in the end why does Gene Keady get a better house than me?"

Whereupon God said "No, Bobby, this isn't Keady's house, it's mine!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
What is the difference between a north US village fairy tale
and one in the hillbilly South?
(Oh, no! A legitimate ideology in this, but never PC!)
Well, the northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time...",
while the fairy tale south of the divide could begin,
"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Adie Pena with:
Amy Winehouse Tribute


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Caelica 86

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Puns and Groaners
(I. M. Apologetic)

I used to be a tailor, but I found the stitch work was just so-so.

What did the sign on a toy store say? "Don't feed the animals. They're already stuffed."

This duck walks into the bar and orders a beer. "Four bucks," says the bartender. "Put it on my bill."

What is the difference between a frog and a cat? A frog croaks all the time, a cat only nine times.

What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.

What planned Disney movie is about a stupid boyfriend? Dumb Beau.

I used to be a shoe salesman, and then they gave me the boot.

Recently, they arrested the Chrysler salesman, and he couldn't a-Ford the bail.

What do you get if you cross a bullet with a tree with no leaves? A cartridge in a bare tree.

What is the difference between an ornithologist and a stutterer? One is a bird watcher, and the other is a word botcher.

What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit coin? One is bad money, and the other is a mad bunny.

Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are round figures.

I used to be a baker, but I didn't make enough dough.

I used to work for Budweiser, but then I was canned.

I used to be a tennis instructor, but it just wasn't my racket.

Which president was the least guilty? Abraham Lincoln. He is in a cent.

News: They arrested the barber for running a clip joint.

I used to be a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick to it.

What is the difference between a knight and Santa's reindeer? One slays a dragon, yet the other is draggin' a sleigh.

I used to work at Starbucks, but I got tired of the daily grind.

I used to be a doctor, but I lost all my patients.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

I used to be a train driver, but I got sidetracked.

I tried working in a bakery, but was told I wasn't "bread" for it.

I used to be a hotel clerk, but then I had my reservations.

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

What is the purpose of reindeer? It makes the grass grow, Sweetie.

I used to be a carpenter, but then I got bored.

What is the difference between a miser and a canary? The miser is a little cheap and the canary is a little cheeper.

They arrested the Rhesus monkey for throwing his own feces at zoo attendants. His charge? Turd debris assault.

I used to be a marathon runner, but couldn't stand the agony of de feet.

What would you get if you crossed bats with a lonely hearts club? Lots of blind dates.

What is the breed of canine that easily forgets his place on the trail? A wherewolf.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines again.

What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes? You can't venom all.

I used to be a banker, but lost interest in the work.

I used to be a teacher, but found I didn't have enough class.

I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn't trained.

What is the difference between a unicorn and lettuce? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

What Disney movie is about the tall-tale-telling champ? The Lyin' King.

I used to be a road digger, but I got re-trenched.

There were two ships. One had red paint, one had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
THE SIGN OF THE '400': Being a continuation of the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

Harshal M. with:
Bright Star

Tony Crafter with:
Warning by Jenny Joseph

Tony Crafter with:
This is the menu for the Ark (children's charity) fundraising gala dinner, held in London recently. The event was attended by William and Katherine, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, who were making their social debut. Actors, socialites and hedge fund managers all jostled to catch a glimpse of the Royal couple at the ten-thousand-pounds-a-head function. The menu shown is exactly as it was written:

Carpaccio of Maldivian long line caught yellow fin tuna
Fanning an island of Rio Grande Valley avocado crème fraiche, topped with young coconut, with a splash of Goan lime, coriander and sprinkled with toasted organic sesame seeds.

Pacific Ocean black cod fillet
Hand-glazed with a Japanese tamari and manuka honey reduction. Delicately balanced on a sumptuous organic pearl barley risotto, hand in hand with a delightful English courgette flower beignet, teriyaki jus.


Roasted fillet of Australian Kobe beef
Nestling in a Kent garden pea puree, temptingly accompanied by a succulent spinach and onion compote, to die for triple-cooked Maris Piper chips and Indonesian long pepper sauce.

Hereford organic blackcurrant soufflé
Snuggled up with a swirl of Kentish apple and sorrel sorbet, Kentish apple blossoms perched on top, with crunchy Turkish hazelnut crumble.


The menu for a Saturday night dinner at a home in Knockholt, England, at which the author, his wife and their younger daughter and husband were all present.

Pre-meal drinks:
A glass of tongue-tingling Tesco's tonic water, a chilled Pinot Grigio spritzer and two cans of Australia's finest Fosters lager, followed by a phone call to a local Indian takeaway restaurant.

Succulent Chicken Tikka marinated in oriental spices, baked in a tandoori oven, accompanied by pappadoms, presented piping-hot in their own brown paper bag, with a choice of sauces, all in cute plastic pots.
Onion Bhaji balls deep-fried in artery-clogging ghee made from congealed Indian buffalo milk. And salad for health.

Main Courses:
(All packed in helpful, handy-to-keep, foil cartons)
Chicken Jalfrezi cooked with chilli peppers, capsicum and onions.
Lamb Passanda, finely sliced and marinated in yoghurt, with sun-drenched herbs and fresh cream.
Red Chicken Curry: a succulent hodgepodge accentuated with jungle-fresh coconut milk.
Meat Vindaloo: a succulent and unusually hot hodgepodge of whatever.

Side dishes:
Pilau Rice and wedges of bowel-loosening Bombay Aloo.

The End:
Petit Fours (Four complimentary After Eight Mints are included).

Excellent value at twenty three pounds-ninety in total (cash).

nedesto with:
All that is gold does not glitter

Adie Pena with:
The Seventh Month


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
What is penetration? =
A penis into her twat!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Sodomite: ~
"Some do it!"

3rd - View with:
There is no passion =
Penis is a short one.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Many often serviced ~
comedian Steven Fry.

David Bourke with:
A complete failure in the bedroom =
I came (and multiple, too!) before her.

Tony Crafter with:
Man seduces hog, ~
he cums and goes.

nedesto with:
A pair of crotchless panties =
A lap access point for the sir.

David Bourke with:
Orgasmic meditation =
I master aid to coming!

Dean Mayer with:
A pair of crotchless panties =
One that is clear of crap/piss.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Keith Rupert Murdoch =
The Pu*rid Moth*r*ucker!

nedesto with:
We're having a heat wave =
We have vagina weather.

nedesto with:
Auguste Rodin's statue of The Thinker in Paris ~
sits farther up needing to take a ruinous shit.

HSP with:
Prophylactic sheath =
To catch 'happy relish'.

The Anagrammy Awards