Complete list of nominations for October, 2011

OCTOBER 2011 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2011

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Disney animated movie version of 'Snow White' =
I'm inside a home with seven tiny one-foot dwarves!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Michelangelo Buonarroti's 'The Creation of Eve'. =
A theme to honorable virtue on a ceiling fresco.

3rd - Harshal M. with:
"And now for something completely different" =
So, I reflected wit of Python men from England.

Adie Pena with:
Cameron's Titanic =
Romance is intact.

nedesto with:
Ludicrousness? =
Uncoil Dr. Seuss!

nedesto with:
The American Country Music Awards =
True aim: we catch and marry cousins!

View with:
A TV show 'Wheel of Fortune' =
Wow, have lots of fun there!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Planet Dinosaur =
I span old nature.

Ellie Dent with:
The Claude Monet series of Water lilies =
I see a theme: I once illustrated flowers.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Marc Chagall's painting "Paris Through the Window" =
His ochre glaring cat, a two-part man, plus high wind.

Harshal M. with:
The Oscar-winning feature film "Gandhi" =
Clearest new human fighting for India.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Always look on the bright side of life" =
Showed the reliability of a folksong!

nedesto with:
"I fart in your general direction!" =
In foreign utterance, I rid royal!

Meyran Kraus with:
Disney version of the tale Snow White =
It is the one with seven looney dwarfs!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Apple founder Steve Jobs has died =
Dad's leftover iPhone just shed a beep.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Libyan leader Gaddafi =
Failed Arab lying dead.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Lots of the best beer, I reckon, at ~
the Oktoberfest celebrations.
The Oktoberfest in Munich, Bavaria, Germany =
My favourite beer month arena thing is back!

Adie Pena with:
CEO Steven Paul Jobs passed away =
Apple's ace waved "Bye!" just as soon.

Adie Pena with:
The Apple Macintosh Operating System =
Got hope that man simply rests in peace.

Meyran Kraus with:
Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, dies ~
just before fast iPhone's developed.

Adie Pena with:
Apple address: One Infinite Loop, Cupertino, CA =
Filipino: "Popular and noted CEO rests in peace."

Andrew Brehaut with:
Well, troops sent to arrest ~
protestors on Wall Street.

View with:
Jobs' death =
Oh, bad jest!

Larry Brash with:
National Fitness Day =
A non-tiny idle fat ass.

Dharam Khalsa with:
First ever quadruple rainbow caught on camera =
We neighbours marvel at epic four-quadrant arc!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Occupy Wall Street Demonstration ~
meant local protests countrywide.

nedesto with:
Violent clashes in Cairo, Egypt =
A Coptic-slaying's over the line!

Rosie Perera with:
NBA cancels first two weeks of season =
No baskets, as a few new conflicts rose.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Oktoberfest celebration =
A riot of beer bottlenecks.

Adie Pena with:
Paul McCartney's new love of his life =
Wife Nancy Shevell for musical poet.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The asteroid Vesta's highest mountain =
Ah, this thing outdoes Asian Mt. Everest!

Meyran Kraus with:
Gilad Shalit released =
A deal delights Israel.

Harshal M. with:
The Apple founder Steve Jobs dies =
Best iPhone developer just fades.

Rosie Perera with:
"I Love Lucy" celebrates its sixty year anniversary =
Very silly exuberant classic, yet I stay ever on air.

David Bourke with:
Staff Sergeant Gilad Shalit is to be released =
Blessed gift...an Israeli hostage freed at last!

Tony Crafter with:
October is National Dwarfism Awareness Month =
So, as in racist law, be fair to short men and women.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Centenarian Indian marathoner =
Reincarnated Athenian iron man?

View with:
Gilad Shalit is free =
He's glad, fit Israeli.

Meyran Kraus with:
Steven Paul Jobs, Rest In Peace =
"I've been Apple's just ancestor."

nedesto with:
The newer Apple Ipod software is released =
Whereas we prefer past old edition, please!

Rosie Perera with:
Colonel Gadhafi is dead =
Oh, a failed clan god dies.

Adie Pena with:
The Libyan leader Qaddafi =
Q: Find the Arab? / A: I yell, "Dead!"

nedesto with:
Colonel Muammar Gaddafi's death in Sirte =
"Lunatic Madman Gets His" or "Fried, a la Mode."

Adie Pena with:
Gaddafi captured in a storm drain =
A dictator ends up afraid and grim.

Tony Crafter with:
On Demi Moore's loss of weight: =
Groomed wife? No! She's too slim!

Dharam Khalsa with:
National Pit Bull Awareness Day =
Adopt any blue at all...in wariness.

Dean Mayer with:
Rider Marco Simoncelli dies at the Malaysian MotoGP =
Italian's mammoth race collision destroyed a gem - RIP.

Rosie Perera with:
Colonel Kaddafi's body is on display at a meat market =
As a deposed dictator -- no, a Satan -- I am killed by my folk.

Rob Bretveld with:
All set to trick or treat =
O, little terrors attack!

Tony Crafter with:
Instability =
Isn't it... Libya?

Tony Crafter with:
When Prince Harry met waitress Jessica Donaldson =
Heir to Her Majesty (Di's son) in new screw scandal rap.

Tony Crafter with:
Teaching Libya ~
changeability.

Tony Crafter with:
Instability =
Isn't Libya it?

Christopher Sturdy with:
A bloody nightmare is ending =
Doing in Libya's death-monger!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Libya reformation =
Army of Liberation.

Rosie Perera with:
Carving a pumpkin for Halloween =
Ah, work on an evil, plump-face grin.

Rosie Perera with:
'Joe the Plumber' launches bid for Congress =
"Elect me for Republican job!" Sh--!! He's on drugs!

Rosie Perera with:
Herman Cain's campaign ad is the "butt" of jokes =
Had a pathetic subject: a man smoking (no fires).

Dharam Khalsa with:
Popular tattooed Barbie causes controversy =
Report: taboo roses on a plastic curved beauty.

nedesto with:
The nicest Halloween costumes are ~
women teases in see-thru lace cloth.

Ellie Dent with:
The Thirty-first October's All Hallow's Eve =
That restless witch liable to hover or fly.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The easiest Halloween costume =
Late? We cut some holes in a sheet.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Women before going out:

- Wear dress.
- Find shoes that match it.
- Tease hair for hours.
- Change dress.
- Change shoes.
- Apply lipstick. =
Men getting ready:

- Fish a good shirt or socks out of a hamper and scrape the stains, where possible.
- Change clothes.
- Rush wife.

2nd - Harshal M. with:
Ten whole years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope with us. =
But the shady deaths swing - now we have no enjoyable jobs, cash, or hope.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
There are two types of lawyer - those who know the law and those who know the judge. =
What a joke!
Whether wealthy or honest pay fee, we shouldn't kowtow to greed shown.

Tony Crafter with:
Michelangelo Buonarroti's 'The Creation of The Sun Moon and Earth' =
Act One: The homage to Lunar, Solar birth, themed in union on a fresco.

Maurice Goddard with:
Early each day when I look at myself in the morning mirror, ~
I wink or grin to my merry reflection and say, "Hello me! Ha ha!"

Rosie Perera with:
Amanda Knox leaves prison after her conviction is overturned =
As for act, she's a proven innocent kid, not a vixen murderer. Voila!

Adie Pena with:
"By all means, marry. If you get a good mate, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates =
"Oh, you don't agree I am acceptably legit because our home bedroom of loyal Playboy playmates is polygamous?" - Hefner

Adie Pena with:
Jovial (never bland) maharajah-like character Mr. Mickey Rooney can tenderly select & can marry the elegant vibrant gals: ~
Ava Gardner, Betty Jane Rase, Martha Vickers, Elaine Devry, Carolyn Mitchell, Marge Lane, Carolyn Hockett & Jan Chamberlin.

Rosie Perera with:
Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin will not be entering the race for President of the United States =
The ranter and one-time apparent forerunner can't take loss. The world's sigh of relief goes a bit viral!

nedesto with:
Didn't you hear the story of Angus the Scotsman, that lecherous old gaffer who lured this pert lassie ~
upstreet to his flat to see his drawings and such? The rascal sold the young lady three or four of them!

Rosie Perera with:
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf and Leymah Gbowee of Liberia, and Tawakkul Karman of Yemen =
"A win! Homage!" I yell. "Make a jolly fanfare for these dark and unsinkable Nobel women."

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Let a bear robbed of her whelps meet a man, rather than a fool in his folly." =
Learn a hint here: That fellow's probably a more formidable foe than she!

Rosie Perera with:
Indian centenarian Fauja Singh sets marathon record =
An ancient senior can jog this far at a hundred? Amen, sir!

Rosie Perera with:
Colonel Muammar Gaddhafi's final moments in Sirte, Libya =
"I am to finish life dying as a small cornered mammal? But... No!!!!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one." - George Mikes =
Gee, if Harry seems qualified for King, no more...ahem...lounge nonsense on leave!

Ellie Dent with:
Why ever did the chicken cross the road? It had to do so. If it hadn't a gaudy, great, magnificent tail, the chicken would be LOST! =
Old idiot Walt thought he was a chicken. His mrs. did once think of an act, if radical, to try: a divorce. But they needed the eggs.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Since we are intelligent human beings living in the twenty first century ~
we must invent renewable things, recycling until that energy is infinite."

2nd - nedesto with:
"Since we are intelligent human beings living in the twenty first century ~
we tweet inanely trifling cliches but, in sum, never anything interesting."

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"Since we are intelligent human beings living in the twenty first century ~
we believe in ancient truth... yet see cunning men still fight in trying wars."

Adie Pena with:
"we invent 'new music,' instantly influence the listener by triggering a hit."

Larry Brash with:
we might cry, yet invent, then use cunning in brilliant new life strategies.

Maurice Goddard with:
we win unity, sire, telling the tiny Vatican men: "Begin using French letters!!"

Rosie Perera with:
we, when being evil, stay in nice sunny flats, getting rich until retirement."

Tony Crafter with:
we instinctively intermingle. Then we ruin this elegance by... farting. Nuts!"

Maurice Goddard with:
we intuitively engineer bright new cunning little crafts, eh? Mine's nasty!"

Tony Crafter with:
we unify in lechery, getting that in live entertainment in swingers' clubs!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
we mutter 'til finishing it (View's sentence) by turning in a challenge entry."

Rosie Perera with:
we elect thieving, lying, sinning bureaucrats with ninety-nine terms left."

Maurice Goddard with:
we certify the raving nit G.W. Bush's eminent nutty intelligence is near nil!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
we may:
invent things
create in fun
write blunt lines
engineer city lights"

Dharam Khalsa with:
we still sit in a cybercafe, vying with unrelenting men using the Internet."

Dharam Khalsa with:
we begin the infective challenge in turn, until Mey's entry wins its rating."

Dharam Khalsa with:
we invent new things by running the artificial intelligence system - true!"

Meyran Kraus with:
we believe in science rather than, unwittingly, in lying nutters' figments."

Maurice Goddard with:
we in university will start teaching urgency in enlightenment's benefit."

Dharam Khalsa with:
we invincibly neglect nutrients, after a time resign, then get insulin. Why?"

Meyran Kraus with:
we unite, freeing this unsettling resentment by channeling raw civility."

Harshal M. with:
we can truly unify, ever igniting in the big Internet with small sentences."

Dharam Khalsa with:
we must be fluent in writing, clarity ringing nicely, as in the seventeenth."

Meyran Kraus with:
we'll cunningly write insights in chats, yet never be fun in a trite meeting."

Meyran Kraus with:
we can tweet chiefly stunning insights but, in reality, never intermingle."

Adie Pena with:
we may yet invent the basic little winning cure ensuring strength in life."

Dharam Khalsa with:
we'll begin inventing future machinery with engines, yet alert instincts."

Dharam Khalsa with:
we will retire in style, men. In turn, incubating nest eggs hatch, even if tiny!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
we title Twiggy line-thinness as 'unfeminine'; bring the nicer curvy talent!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A bunch of cinematic citations taken from AFI's list of the top one-hundred and presented in random order:

1. "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night."
2. "We'll always have Paris."
3. "I see dead people."
4. "I am big! It's the pictures that got small."
5. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."
6. "Stella! Stella!"
7. "E.T. phone home."
8. "You can't handle the truth!"
9. "Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."
10. "Rosebud."
11. "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."
12. "I'll have what she's having."
13. "Bond. James Bond."
14. "After all, tomorrow is another day!"
15. "I feel the need - the need for speed!"
16. "What we've got here is failure to communicate."
17. "If you build it, he will come."
18. "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."
19. "Show me the money!"
20. "Well, nobody's perfect."

=

The movies they are from, along with notes:

1. Bette Davis, "All About Eve".
2. Humphrey Bogart, "Casablanca".
3. Whispered to Bruce Willis in "The Sixth Sense"
4. 'Norma Desmond', "Sunset Blvd."
5. From the Coppola feature film "Apocalypse Now".
6. A name shouted in "A Streetcar Named Desire".
7. A toy puppet says that to a boy in "E.T."
8. Screamed at Tom Cruise in "A Few Good Men".
9. Robin Williams, "Dead Poets Society".
10. Orson Welles, "Citizen Kane".
11. The mafia team motto in "The Godfather".
12. The line of a female diner in "When Harry Met Sally".
13. First uttered in "Dr. No".
14. Vivien Leigh, "Gone With the Wind".
15. 'Goose' and 'Maverick', "Top Gun".
16. The line of the abusive guy in "Cool Hand Luke".
17. The idea obeyed in "Field of Dreams".
18. 'Hannibal Lecter', "The Silence of the Lambs".
19. The famous "Jerry Maguire" catchphrase.
20. The last line of "Some Like It Hot".

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
My wife Keeley discovered that our dog Bobby (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took him to the vet.

The vet examined him and found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both Bobby's ears, and he could then hear just fine.

The vet then advised Keeley that, if she wanted to keep this from ever happening again, she should go to up the town's chemist and buy some "Nair" hair remover and rub this in Bobby's ears twice a month.

Keeley then went to the store and bought the "Nair" hair remover. At the cash register, the pharmacist advised her, "Now, if you intend using this under your arms, do not use deodorants for two days or so."

Keeley said, "I will not be using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "Well, if you intend putting it on your legs, do not use any skin lotions for a couple of days."

Keeley replied, "Well, I'm not using it on the legs either. If you must know, I'm going to use it on my Schnauzer."

"Oh..." The pharmacist said, "Well in that case stay off your bicycle for a week."

=

A convict broke into a house to look for money and to procure a gun. Instead, he found a couple upstairs in bed.

He ordered the guy out of bed and tied him to a chair.

Whilst tying the wife to the bed the convict straddled her and nuzzled her neck, then arose and promptly went to the bathroom.

While he was in there, the husband whispered to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict, probably a murderer. Look at his clothes! He's no doubt spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a female for years. I saw him kiss your neck. If he attempts sex, don't resist or complain - do as he tells you, whatever. Satisfy him, no matter if it nauseates you. The guy is obviously very dangerous," he added. "If the big brute gets angry, he'll murder us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!'

The wife retorted: "He wasn't kissing my neck; he was murmuring something in my ear. He told me he's gay, thinks you are rather cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.

I told him it was in the bathroom... Be strong honey, I love you."

3rd - Adie Pena with:
AMERICA'S MOST GLUTTONOUS CITIES*

20. San Bernardino, CA
19. Riverside, CA
18. Oakland
17. Santa Clara, CA
16. San Francisco
15. Los Angeles
14. Austin, TX
13. Orlando, FL
12. San Antonio
11. Sacramento, CA
10. Philadelphia
9. San Diego
8. Chicago
7. Columbus, OH
6. Las Vegas
5. Miami
4. Houston
3. Dallas
2. Detroit
1. New York City

=

OUR NATION'S TRADITIONAL DAILY DIET

20. Pancake
19. Waffle
18. Oat Bran Mix
17. English Scones
16. Doughnuts
15. Avocado
14. Mango
13. Corn
12. Onion Rings
11. Bottled Sauerkraut
10. Italian Ragout
9. Hash
8. Spam
7. Consomme
6. Asian Salad
5. Lay's
4. Chocolate Raisins
3. Desserts
2. Vanilla Ice Cream
1. Classic Coca-Cola

Rosie Perera with:
"The world rarely sees someone who has had the profound impact Steve has had, the effects of which will be felt for many generations to come. For those of us lucky enough to get to work with him, it's been an insanely great honor. I will miss Steve immensely."
— Bill Gates

=

"Former Apple CEO, beloved visionary, altogether too young, died of cancer. Wired lets folks show their grief there on the web. He was one of the best techies, whose systems think humanly. (Almost little humans, honestly.) What a man!"
— A glum Microsoftee who is sniffling

nedesto with:
American Football

1. Players weigh more than refrigerators.
2. No miscreants exist, as the weekly tailgate parties in backs of SUVs leave Americans too stuffed to riot.
3. Is three hours of committee meetings interrupted by deadly personal violence.
4. Anabolic.

=

Association Football

1. Players are lucky to have refrigerators themselves.
2. Fans mad about the too-meager spread of grub in their Fiats.
3. See ninety minute terms of lovely teamwork and restless exercise meet with occasional incidental tripping.
4. Aerobic.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Very Rich Man

After giving away all his worldly money in the pursuit of spirituality, the very rich young man was left destitute.

"I'm dirt poor. What do I do now?" the austere man said to God.

=

"In summary, you imply I told you to sacrifice all rightful wealth for spirit," God rephrased.

"Never, Master! You have not," the man said with integrity.

"Then, do whatever you want, nitwit!" said God.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The She-Bear and Her Whelp

It happened that a she-bear and her whelp sat by a tree just off a roadside watching garbage being flung from the windows of passing cars.

"Mother, may I ask you a serious question?" asked the curious cub.

=

"Sure, what?" she said.

The wary cub spoke, "Is there a species with more damaging habits than people?"

"Quite doubtful," the brooding she-bear began, "nor a jackass halfway as disengaged from earth...Now, shut up and eat your French fries!"

Maurice Goddard with:
Top Ten Hot Young Royals Worldwide

1. Prince William, U.K.
2. Prince Harry, U.K.
3. Princess Victoria, Sweden
4. Charlene Wittstock, Monaco
5. Queen Rania, Jordan
6. Princess Beatrice, U.K.
7. Zara Phillips, U.K.
8. Princess Haya, Dubai
9. Andrea Casiraghi, Monaco
10. Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan, Abu Dhabi

=

1. Hi! Our Kate caught him!
2. Tearaway as a nipper!
3. Cool dark Scandinavian.
4. Prince Albert's crazy about her!
5. King Abdullah's nice spouse.
6. Aura is puritanical.
7. An equestrienne pro. Whoa!
8. Crack Olympic show jumper in Sydney.
9. Dandier bonnier bloke's an idol!
10. Rich wizard owns Man. City

Dharam Khalsa with:
Say what? Did we read that sign correctly?

* Notice in health food store window:
"CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS"

* Seen in a safari park:
"ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR"

* Note by women's restroom:
"TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW"

* Sign in a wash-o-mat:
"AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT"

* Next to the department store entry:
"BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS"

* On the wall in the mechanic's garage:
"COULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN"

* Message in an office break room:
"AFTER COFFEE BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE COFFEE POT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD"

~
* Taped beside a second-hand store door:
"WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, LUMBER, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?"

* Memo to ease conference attendees:
"FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR"

* Emphasis to trespassers in a pasture:
"THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES."

* Appears at bottom of a leaflet page:
"IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS"

* Memo seen at automotive repair shop:
"WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK"

Stupid mistakes. Mere typos? No, I doubt it - it's attitude!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Road Not Taken

Maurice Goddard with:
THE CREED OF THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY
We of the Church believe
"That all men of whatever race, color or creed were created with equal rights."

=

Whether or not you're eggheaded,
white, scarlet, ochre, brown, cocoa, queer,
cute, chic, clever, well off,
fat, cheater, Thatcher,
or the Devil himself!!

Adie Pena with:
TOP 10 HALLOWEEN CANDY FOR KIDS*

1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
2. Candy Necklaces
3. Swedish Fish
4. Skittles
5. M&M's
6. Blow Pops
7. Airheads
8.Twizzlers
9. Pop Rocks
10. Nerds.

=

TOP 10 HALLOWEEN NEEDS OF ADULTS

1. Some Snacks
2. Crackers plus Dips
3. Wines
4. Pickled Mussels
5. Pizza with...
6. Beer
7. Brandy after Dessert
8. Scotch Whisky
9. Pot &
10. Porn.

Harshal M. with:
The accurate truth why the lively musical jewels I watch are moving:

Lady Gaga taught me how it's okay to be different.

Kesha taught me to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks.

Bruno Mars taught me that the one person I love - to do anything for her.

Eminem taught me that life is hard or depressing but still, you can make it through. ~

Taylor Swift taught me that not every guy and girl who hauls around here is going to treat me right.

Michael Jackson taught me national hope: to always love the friends around me.

Music taught me how to live in my life.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY:

Rebecca Black taught me days of the week.
Funny, I see harsh haters think the teenager's bad!

Dharam Khalsa with:
HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM
Many women are scared of their first mammogram, and even if they have had one before, they still have fear. But there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week prior to the appointment to practise the exercises below, you will be prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do them all in your home!

EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one of your breasts between the door and the main box. Have a strong friend slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat (just in case the first time wasn't effective). Switch sides and repeat.

EXERCISE TWO: Go out to the garage at two a.m. when the freezing temperature of the cement floor is perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear wheel of the car. Ask your husband or your friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled, and then switch sides to repeat.
~
EXERCISE THREE: Place two metal bookends in the freezer overnight. Strip down to your waist. Find a muscular female bodybuilder off the street and invite her into your home to assist. Next, have the stranger press the frosty bookends against either side of one of your breasts, then the other, and forcefully smash the cold bookends together as hard as she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to join you next year to provide the same service again. Offer to reciprocate.

Meanwhile, if you're not sure if a well-endowed woman officemate or friend you care about has had her mammogram lately, why not approach her and make a formal "best friend" date with her? While offering her decaffeinated coffee in a crowded restaurant, tell her how incredible she would look in a tissue-paper dress, and that you read somewhere that getting your boobs smashed between two cold metal plates is an effective way to burn off extra calories to slim you.

Congratulations! You are now properly prepared for the noted test to be performed.

Dharam Khalsa with:
I was so depressed last night thinking about the dead economy, lack of jobs, Social Security, the next war, my lack of retirement savings, etc., that I called the Suicide Hotline.
After a delay, ~ I got to the call centre in the remotest Pakistan locale.
When I confessed that I was joyless, sad and suicidal, the guys got really excited! They asked if I can drive a bomb in a truck for them.

HSP with:
You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence. =
They're testy, inconvenient words you don't want to hear said if you've been on the tequila, you're high on cocaine, cosy in bed on a yummy mummy, or doing anything heavy in a field you oughtn't.

The Anagrammy Awards

OCTOBER 2011 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY