OCTOBER 2010 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2010

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Strict vegetarianism =
Craving meat? Resist it!

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
I wanted honesty ~
in the news today.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Nepotism =
Me in post!

Ivan Andonov with:
Musician =
Usin' a mic.

Rick Rothstein with:
A light-hearted moment ‡
I damn them altogether.

View with:
The Stations of The Cross =
Those on states of Christ.

Rosie Perera with:
The professional vocalist =
Top fans, voice still hoarse.

Rosie Perera with:
One hundred thousand posts =
Us that do spend hours on end.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Beads of sweat =
"DOW's a safe bet!"

Adie Pena with:
Public transportation system =
City bus isn't prompt; ran so late!

Rosie Perera with:
A best selling autobiography ~
about a single bigshot player.

Tom Myers with:
A Restaurant Inspector's Write-up: =
Sewer rats! Cretin put rat in a soup.

Tom Myers with:
A doubting Thomas ~
might undo a boast.

Tom Myers with:
Your Royal Highness =
Hairy, honorless guy.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The sideways glance =
Watched eyes' signal.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Intel Inside =
I listened in.

Trigger Happy with:
The pen is mighiter than the sword =
The hand therein powers its might.

Rosie Perera with:
A class action lawsuit =
Aw...it's all accusations!

Tony Crafter with:
Spiv traded ~
pirate DVDs.

Tom Myers with:
The carry-out =
Eat hot curry.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"Torture one poor word ten thousand ways"--Dryden =
No, we turned any so-so hundred-word poetry to art!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Asian tour? =
No, Austria.

Adie Pena with:
Dim politicians =
Idiotic Ms. Palin.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Late Saturday nights =
That glare... it's Sunday?

View with:
A sycophant =
O, nasty chap!

Rosie Perera with:
Aging gracefully ‡
Ugly glaring face.

Rosie Perera with:
Biodiversity =
Ivy to birdies.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Motivational speaker =
I am a postive talker, no?

Ellie Dent with:
Attached? =
Date chat.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Click here to submit a new post =
Check it as new. Problem? It's out!

View with:
Pension protests =
Opponents resist.

Rosie Perera with:
Metaphysics =
Space is myth.

Tom Myers with:
Pain medications =
In maniac, it's dope.

Rosie Perera with:
Internet stalking =
A nettling 'net risk.

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Cold meat industries =
Medical tourist's end?

Harshal M. with:
It's alive =
Vitalise.

Adie Pena with:
A 'net stalker =
Rattlesnake.

Harshal M. with:
Where's Waldo? =
Wow, lads, here!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The librarian placed 'O' ~
in alphabetical order.

Harshal M. with:
I am rejuvenated... =
...near deja vu time!

Harshal M. with:
Seditions =
Idiotness!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Broadcast ‡
Sad B-actor.

Harshal M. with:
I own Cinderella and ~
Alice in Wonderland.

Harshal M. with:
Rejuvenated =
Enter deja vu.

Harshal M. with:
Silicon =
In coils.

Meyran Kraus with:
The twin embryos =
They rest in womb.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Dean Mayer with:
Last of the Summer Wine =
Here's a wistful moment.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Social Network" =
How to create links.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Universal Studios' movie trilogy "Back to the Future" =
Various time-travel troubles of this cute young kid.

Scott Gardner with:
Leonardo's painting the Mona Lisa =
So, that dame grins in oil on a panel?

Ellie Dent with:
Painting of the Mona Lisa =
Oh, a faint, poignant smile.

Adie Pena with:
"Piranha Three-D" =
Hard pain there.

View with:
Last Tango in Paris =
A pair lost in angst.

Scott Gardner with:
Mona Lisa Gherardini del Giocondo =
A shining color image Leonardo did.

Ellie Dent with:
Claude Oscar Monet: Father of Impressionism =
An atmospheric sun offers immediate colors.

Rosie Perera with:
Sarah Palin's reality show =
A pariah's worse than silly.

Adie Pena with:
Andrew Lloyd Webber and T. S. Eliot's "Cats" =
World-class lead tabby now interested.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The movie which starred Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal? =
When Harry Met Sally (Did very technical orgasm bit!)

Adie Pena with:
"The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn" ~
by Mark Twain: Southern feud; slavery enforced then.

Tony Crafter with:
Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' =
His comical jerks enthrall.

Tony Crafter with:
Salvador Dali's painting 'Persistence Of Memory' =
Time-rims lie drooping over fantasy landscapes.

Andrew Brehaut with:
George Orwell's short parody "Animal Farm" =
Pigs from a manor hear, "Two legs are lordly!"

Scott Gardner with:
"Danae with Nursemaid," by Titian =
Maiden's radiant beauty within.

Harshal M. with:
Inception =
Nice Point.

Harshal M. with:
James Cameron's Titanic =
Romantic, majestic, sane.

Meyran Kraus with:
Children's story 'Sleeping Beauty' =
Bless the prince, you resting lady!

Harshal M. with:
Night at the Museum =
The humming statue.

Tony Crafter with:
Former Conservative politician Ann Widdecombe =
Comical VIP: "I need firmer bras to dance in. Vote now!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Taming of the Shrew" =
Whim of the gent's heart?

Meyran Kraus with:
A one-hit-wonder =
No, no, we heard it!

Ivan Andonov with:
Shutter Island =
Unrest hits lad.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Chile's President ~
is held in respect.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The kid's Halloween costume ~
shall come out this weekend.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A trapped Chilean miner's home at last? =
It means that real miracles do happen!

Adrian Hickford with:
Treasury team issue ~
austerity measures.

View with:
L. Apotheker =
Take HP role.

Rosie Perera with:
Britain recognizes Druidry as religion =
I regard god in icily bizarre stone ruins.

Rick Rothstein with:
There are one-hundred thousand posted messages =
The users do anagrams, the oddest ones end up here.

David Bourke with:
The late Norman Wisdom =
Somewhat inert old man.

View with:
The self-driving car =
First grand vehicle?

Scott Gardner with:
Chilean mine disaster =
Crisis meant headline.

Adie Pena with:
Republicans/Democrats =
Nuts circled Pres. Obama.

David Bourke with:
Millions soon cheer ~
los mineros Chileno.

David Bourke with:
The trapped miners =
Men that perspired.

Larry Brash with:
Dame Joan Sutherland =
No Handel - just a dream.

Adie Pena with:
October Twelve is 'National Coming Out Day' =
"It's our call to convene. I now admit to be gay!"

Rosie Perera with:
Joan Sutherland, opera singer, dies at eighty-three =
"La stupenda" joins others in the grey earth, I'd agree.

Adie Pena with:
Climate change solution ‡
An ice-melting holocaust!

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Halloween pumpkin =
Oh, keen lamp when lit up!

Tony Crafter with:
Those Chilean miners have resurfaced at last! =
Ah, and let's hail star achievement of rescuers!

Meyran Kraus with:
Chile's trapped miners are out alive =
I reveal it's true: miracles do happen.

David Bourke with:
The rescue of the trapped Chilean miners =
Unhampered release, no hitch...it's perfect!

David Bourke with:
The rescue of the trapped Chilean miners =
Cheer as men rose, left pit, punched the air!

David Bourke with:
The rescue of the trapped Chilean miners =
See, isn't life much dearer than the copper?

View with:
The miners still wear sunglasses =
We'll assure men less sight strain.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Canonisation of Mary McKillop =
Many fans like Catholic promotion.

Adie Pena with:
Super Typhoon Megi =
Emptying our hopes.

Tom Myers with:
Penthouse founder Bob Guccione dies =
Once pictured huge nude boobs so fine!

Dharam Khalsa with:
Sikhs urge Obama to visit the Golden Temple in India =
Get high silk turban, pose, smile, and invite media too!

Dharam Khalsa with:
It's nearly time to choose the best Halloween costume =
Teens recall a sheet with eyeholes, but it's too common.

Rosie Perera with:
The rescue of the trapped Chilean miners =
First a cheer; men hop in capsule, tethered.

Adie Pena with:
A Halloween Night, October Thirty-One =
Yet another howling hot celebration!

Rosie Perera with:
WikiLeaks documents Iraqi civilian deaths =
Evil shown in detail amid a kick-ass critique.

Rosie Perera with:
A spooky Halloween costume =
Couple saw a skeleton...ooh my!

Tony Crafter with:
Piers Morgan's interview with Cheryl Cole =
In which pretty singer cries over low male.

Tony Crafter with:
The streets of France =
The offences restart.

Tony Crafter with:
Cherie Blair has sold Tony's signature. Where? =
Internet's eBay. Weird eh? Oh, our girl has class!

Ivan Andonov with:
Istanbul =
Blast in u!


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Saint Mary of the Cross =
History of sacraments.

2nd - Tom Myers with:
Secretariat =
Race artiste.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Chilean President Pinera =
Leadership in recent pain.

View with:
Diego Tristan =
Strange idiot.

View with:
Diego Tristan =
Giant steroid.

Adie Pena with:
The singer Francis Sinatra =
This fine rare star can sing!

Scott Gardner with:
The American singer Miley Cyrus =
Teary girls cheer my inane music.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The Japanese-American artist/musician Yoko Ono =
I am erratic, so manic, yet as keen on Utopia as John.

Scott Gardner with:
Sculptor Francois-Rene-Auguste Rodin =
Our role's producing statues in France.

David Bourke with:
The late soprano singer Dame Joan Alston Sutherland =
On her headstone's "A major talent, a lasting splendour".

Rosie Perera with:
Facebook's twenty-six-year-old Mark E. Zuckerberg =
Extra geeky SOB; came by luck at work; zero friends.

Larry Brash with:
M. Gabriel Antoine Joseph Hecart =
Help! I object to anagrams in here.

View with:
Japanese Prime Minister Naoto Kan =
It's a major remake in Nippon senate.

Tom Myers with:
Actor Bosley =
Bye cool star.

Tony Crafter with:
Baroness Margaret Hilda Thatcher =
Bar that 'iron leader' tag, she charms.

Scott Gardner with:
Chess Grandmaster Anatoly Karpov =
An endless match to Garry Kasparov.

Harshal M. with:
Black President Barack Hussein Obama =
A trick per Osama bin Laden! Shucks, babe!

Tony Crafter with:
The Manchester United footballer Wayne Rooney =
Neanderthal brute, lots of nice money, yet a 'whore'.

Scott Gardner with:
Senator Lisa Ann Murkowski =
Irksome Alaskan runs to win.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Alessandro di Mariano di Vanni Filipepi (Botticelli) =
I'd depict a real familiar blonde vision in oil paints.

David Bourke with:
The former Conservative politician Ann Widdecombe =
Dancer? No feminine Pavlova...we criticised her bottom!

Ivan Andonov with:
Robert Thomas Pattinson =
Hot man in poster to brats

Meyran Kraus with:
The US writer Edgar Allan Poe =
A new terror plagued his tale.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Dean Mayer with:
Norton AntiVirus Software =
Avert worst of an intrusion.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Royal Bengal Tiger =
They're big, tall, orange.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The United States of America's foreign policy =
It's "Create a fuss, go in, empty it of oil, and cheer!"

View with:
The Holy Cross Primary School in Belfast =
For they simply harbor Catholic lessons.

Adie Pena with:
Sciences =
CSI scene?

Dharam Khalsa with:
United States' Glacier National Park =
Lake ice lost at a stunning rapid rate.

Adie Pena with:
"Science is Vital" =
Civic. Essential.

View with:
International Service for Human Rights =
Vital to reinforce men hurt in harassing.

Tom Myers with:
The Danube =
Bathe nude?

Scott Gardner with:
The London Olympic Games =
Oh, simply come to England!

Ed Pegg Jr with:
Berkshire County revenue stream =
There's a sucker born every minute.

Ellie Dent with:
The Wensleydale Creamery =
Try real cheese...newly made!

Andrew Brehaut with:
A Burger King meal =
Unremarkable gig.

Rosie Perera with:
My Facebook friend feed ~
defied money-back offer.

Rick Rothstein with:
Listerine antiseptic mouthwash =
Chew salami, then rinse, spit it out.

Tony Crafter with:
Walmart People =
Low-appeal term!

Adie Pena with:
Bank of America Corp. =
Back a nice poor farm.

Adie Pena with:
The Nissan Leaf electric car ~
left scenic earth's air clean.

Harshal M. with:
A clean kitchen ~
at Chicken Lane.

Harshal M. with:
The Disney Parks =
Parents, kids, hey!

Ivan Andonov with:
Atlanta, Georgia =
Total nigga area

Meyran Kraus with:
The San Jose copper-gold mine in the Atacama desert =
So, a major accident gets these men trapped in a hole.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
Washington + Jackson + Harrison + Tyler + Fillmore + Pierce + Buchanan + Roosevelt + Harding + Truman + Kennedy =
Madison + Van Buren + Polk + Johnson + Grant + Hayes + Garfield + Arthur + McKinley + Eisenhower + Carter + Clinton

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The anticipated political memoir "Decision Points" by George Walker Bush, the former president of the United States=
Yes, we consider the matter epic, but I find it surprising to see he scrapped the original title of that book, "Elmo And Me".

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
William Shakespeare: 'The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark' =
Alas, appears he knew Mr. Yorick from meeting the ill-fated head!

Adie Pena with:
The leader of the National Socialist German Workers Party =
I hate a real racist-type monster ogre known as Adolf Hitler.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"A man in the house is worth two in the street." -- Mae West =
Wise woman in theatre states wise truth on the home.

View with:
Connecticut cheerleaders want uniforms with more coverage =
Crowd have chance to see terrific women nurturing camel toes.

Dharam Khalsa with:
The marriage counselor's advice: "Never go to sleep angry." =
Girl's real choice: stay up and reason, get revenge, or move!

Tom Myers with:
Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig =
Note: In or near order they play amazing legendary OO Agent Bond in A.R . Broccoli screen gems.

David Bourke with:
William Hugh Tunstall-Pedoe, the creator of the Anagram Genius software. =
Classed an important figure, although we all on the Forum agree he's a twit!

Rosie Perera with:
"I was with God and I was with the Devil. They fought and God won." (Chilean miner Mario Sepulveda) =
"I add: They have dug me up alive from down in the earth, and now I shall go with wise waiting docs."

Rosie Perera with:
The Downtown Eastside Sex Workers United Against Violence =
Exotic whores: "Now don't strike us; it's even against needed law."

David Bourke with:
The President of Chile, Miguel Juan Sebastián Piñera Echenique =
He sees each miner escaping up...jubilation, and then quiet relief!

Ellie Dent with:
Publican to a new customer: 'Did you hear about the deaf shepherd man who gathered up his flock and heard?' =
'Oh!! Then did you hear about the case of the blind carpenter dude who for laughs, picked up a hammer and saw?'

View with:
Rescued Chilean miners 'may go home from hospital soon' =
Men rose. As such, are in high form, emotionally composed.

Dharam Khalsa with:
There's something weird in the neighborhood. So, who you gonna call? =
When I hear groaning, "Ooh, ooh," I'll need hit comedy Ghostbusters--NOW!

Adie Pena with:
The painters Pierre-Auguste Renoir and Oscar Claude Monet =
Each European generated impressionist art and/or culture.

Adie Pena with:
More "My Fair Lady" characters gave opening bows, began in ~
"Pygmalion: A Romance in Five Acts" by George Bernard Shaw.

Rosie Perera with:
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." Samuel Clemens
=
Oh, so the same men who watch endless TV alone at home but do not read can never make good anagrams. Doh!

Dharam Khalsa with:
A guy walked into a Greek tailor shop once to get his pants repaired. =
The tailor, now spying the goal--a pocket tear, asked "Euripides?" (groan)

Larry Brash with:
"Calumnies are best answered with silence" John Dryden =
Yes! Hence we didn't reward such inane trolls' mean jibes.



THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"The anagram is one of the greatest follies of the human spirit; one must be foolish to enjoy them and worse than foolish to create them." (Quote by G.J. Hecart)
=
Anagram foe,
Refine that decorum!
Some jests of snobs
May bother the Forum.
A lot of the jewels here
Got high quality -
Notice the notion
At this honest plea!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
"The anagram is one of the greatest follies of the human spirit; one must be foolish to enjoy them and worse than foolish to create them." (Quote by G.J. Hecart)
=
ANAGRAMS?
Not for those fools who object
And the
Gloomy; but I choose the fine
Ripe
Anagrammatist, the
Merry, the jestful, the
Sane, the quiet ones. Oh, to life!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
"The anagram is one of the greatest follies of the human spirit; one must be foolish to enjoy them and worse than foolish to create them." (Quote by G.J. Hecart)
=
ANAGRAMS.

The effete Joe
Hecart's not
Eloquent, is he!

A joyful topic that whets the brain is
No folly. Oh...
And one's
Got to
Remember this... he's
A Frog too.
Mute him!

Rosie Perera with:
Anagramming is quite a high art, not some effortless one. Oho, no! The oaf that jeers at these, he probably couldn't touch it if he stole notes from Mey the Jew.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Anagrams often offer the wise theme, honed jingle, mushy poem, or taboo tale--some qualities that bring joy to the enthusiast; the French oaf chortles too!

Ellie Dent with:
ANAGRAMS are HIS folly: no, not those
Here, for the fact is the GENIUS can gloat
For one job's with the mob, to transpose
The immediate theme...the joyful quote!

Tony Crafter with:
Anagramming. A unique jewel of one's efforts, it oils the brain to boost the thought processes. May forestall dementia too. Oh, the joy!

The French hate them.
Anagrams, eh? That's high fun!
Hoho! Joy for many a one.
Let letters scatter in jest,
Find one quite the best.
Oh, magic! Too awesome!
Hello, post it before the Forum.

View with:
ANAGRAMMISTS, since ancient times, request inner truth of words. Ooh, ooh! They just enjoy that effort (almost belief), a hope to the legal behoof, the homage.

Dharam Khalsa with:
ANAGRAM critic (the foe here)
shows loathsome hateful etiquette. Ooh!
By sorting and rejoining some letters,
the offshoot of that may be just phenomenal!

Dharam Khalsa with:
ANAGRAMMING is not for the squeamish--
the offshoot may be too brutal (oh-oh)!
Her challenge, then, is just to alter it,
offer a sweet sentiment to echo deep joy.

Rosie Perera with:
Anagram enthusiasts just won't stand for that obloquy from some French fool. So they jeer at him in belle poetic notes: "I hate thee, I hate thee! Go home, frog!"

Adie Pena with:
ANAGRAMS: See the honorable creation, the honest effort of the jestful minds, of the jolly egos at the hip, hot anagrammy.com, the quite notorious website.

Dharam Khalsa with:
ANAGRAMME: Le Français a oublié qu'il les a écrits aussi (he forgot that he wrote them too). Oh, I bet he's forgotten months of enjoyment, then the depths of joy!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Anagram: I hope the healthy craft of letter jumbles is enough for the game boys to hoodoo the mass of socialites who frequent the entertainment joints.

Adie Pena with:
ANAGRAM? Oh, it's a joining together of the same mishmash set of jumbled letters to consequently lay out a piece for the benefit of those who honor the art.

Dharam Khalsa with:
Anagram: If letters shuffled join smoothly into the infrequent masterpiece in the "Long" category, he/she hoots the oath "Frabjous!"
We teammates hoot "Boo!"

Dharam Khalsa with:
ANAGRAM QUEST
N
ordic, Hebrew,
Atheist, Jesuit
Theosophist, Heathen,
Gleeful fool--others, to boot,
Rejoin to face off on the
Anagrammy site's
Monthly theme!

Rosie Perera with:
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE - that is some hotshot word jousters jabbing omelette up into a quite foolish French yahoo's teeth for that there one-time offense.

Dharam Khalsa with:
ANAGRAMMING: The joyful obsession (marathon efforts aren't healthy). Ooh, just let me hatch the one quoted witticism before I go to sleep...there on the sofa!

Ellie Dent with:
ANAGRAM: Ooh, it is taboo! quoth he
I celebrate! Try them, then join those
who matching sum of letters laugh, feel free
to find a sense of joy, them to transpose.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
HELEN'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1
Whoopee! All set for the cruise tomorrow! All my elegant gowns, best swimsuits, packed. How exciting!

Our women's Red Hat chapter organised this "girls-only" trip.

It will be my first one. Ooh! Cannot wait!

DEAR DIARY - DAY 2
Whole day out at sea, beautiful. Spotted whales, dolphins too. Met our Captain - John Houghton. Very nice man.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 3
Red-hot. Lounged around the pool, swum a while, then bumped into Captain Houghton on the upper deck.

He invited me to join him at his table for dinner later. Felt honoured and had a wonderful time. John's very handsome.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 4
Won £80 in the casino. Captain asked me to take dinner with him in his own cabin. Had yummy meal complete with oysters and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but told him no; I would not be unfaithful to my husband.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 5
At loose-end, so lounged around pool, though got sunburned so went for drink in pool-bar. Stayed there all day. John Houghton saw me, bought me several drinks. John's really charming. Once again asked me to spend the night in his cabin, but refused. He told me, if I did not let him have his naughty way with me, he would sink the ship... I was thoroughly shocked.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
Today I saved 1600 lives.

Three times.

=

DADDY'S PHONE CALL.

Rrriiiiing, rrriiiiing... Rrriiiiing, rriiiiing...

'Hello?'

'Hi honey, this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?'

'No, Daddy. She's in the bedroom with Uncle Alec.'

(After a brief pause)

'... But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Alec.'

'Oh yes I have, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now.'

(Brief Pause...)

'Er, okay, this is what I want you to do. Lay the phone down on the table, hurry off upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and call to Mommy that Daddy's car is just coming into the driveway.'

'Yes, okay Daddy, just a minute.'

(A few minutes later...)

'I did as you said, Daddy.'

'And exactly what happened, honey?'

'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug and hit her head real hard on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!'

'Oh, my God! What about your Uncle Alec?'

'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on as well. He was really scared, and he jumped straight out of the back window and landed head-first in the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out all the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'

(A long pause...)

(A longer pause...)

(An even longer pause...)

(Then Daddy says...)

'Swimming pool...? Erm, so... is this 02080 113456?'

'No, I think you have the wrong number...'

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked his newly-hired employee.

"Yes sir, of course," the new worker replied.

"Well, that makes everything all right," the boss continued. "Right after you went home early yesterday
to attend your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"

=

At breakfast the fatherless little Petey, an irreverent youngster, asked his retiree grandmother Beverly,
"Hey, how old are you?" Whereupon, she sweetly testified, "I'm thirty-nine and holding!"

Petey assessed her for a moment, then precociously asked, "How old would you be if you let go?"

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Castration [refer to book on spaying or neutering or fixing] is any foolproof action, surgical or chemical treatment, by which a male loses the functions of his testicles for life. Fact: To prevent or minimize erections, eunuchs or "ball-less fellows" have performed as gentlemanlike people, from the best harem servants to old guardians of big-boobed bombshells.

=

The sport of choice for the urban poor is basketball, for maintenance level employees it's bowling, for front-line workers it's football, for middle management it's tennis, for supervisors it's baseball, and the sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is golf. The amazing conclusion is the higher you go in management, the smaller your balls become.

Dharam Khalsa with:
I found it interesting to read about how the name of any of the Elements of Atomic Numbers greater than 100 is determined:

Until a better name is given, the nomenclature is derived from the atomic number of the element using the numerical roots. The roots are put together in the order of the digits which make up the atomic number and terminated by "ium" to spell out the name. The final "n" of "enn" is elided when it occurs before "nil", and the final "i" of "bi" and of "tn" when it occurs before "ium".

Next, the symbol of the element is composed of the initial letters of the numerical roots which make up the name.

The root "un" is pronounced with a long "u", to rhyme with "moon". In the element names, each root is to be pronounced separately. ~
The following is the chronological list of the temporary designations for the fresh elements which have been confirmed but not yet scientifically named:

ununpentium
ununhexium
ununseptium
ununoctium

Therefore, based on the aforementioned criteria, the temporary names for almost 100 hypothetical elements from ununoctium down through unpenttrium have been identified beforehand.

For entertainment or show, the smart mathematician or theoretician could attempt to determine the correct designation of each element. Oh, it might take someone like me the better part of a tormented lifetime indoors (a hellish idea), but the names I assigned would be obsolete before then, so I won't bother now.

Ellie Dent with:
A Halowe'en Tale For You

Harshal M. with:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america, and to the republic, for which it stands, one nation under god, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. =
I promise to be faithful to this country under certain chief regulations and standards, eject ego, and dwell in a high, beloved titbit of wealth, politics, lineage, and life.

Dharam Khalsa with:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic, for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." =
US Flag Code: If seated, stand at attention, face the flag, join in with pride, right hand over the heart. Bicycle police and soldier units in uniform will be obliged to salute.


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A small sample from a coven's spell verses found in the play "MacBeth"


2nd - Christopher Rump with:
A set of twenty chemical elements, anagrammed into a different set of twenty elements. All forty elements are distinct from the sixty used in Mike Keith's 30/30 doubly-true anagram here.

lithium + chlorine + potassium + titanium + copper + arsenic + yttrium + cadmium + barium + gadolinium + gold + polonium + radon + americium + einsteinium + fermium + rutherfordium + dubnium + hassium + roentgenium
=
neon + sulfur + gallium + germanium + strontium + technetium + indium + iodine + promethium + dysprosium + holmium + iridium + lead + astatine + francium + radium + protactinium + seaborgium + bohrium + copernicium

If you replace each element with its atomic number (position in the periodic table), there is still equality, making this a 20/20 doubly-true anagram.

3 + 17 + 19 + 22 + 29 + 33 + 39 + 48 + 56 + 64 + 79 + 84 + 86 + 95 + 99 + 100 + 104 + 105 + 108 + 111
=
10 + 16 + 31 + 32 + 38 + 43 + 49 + 53 + 61 + 66 + 67 + 77 + 82 + 85 + 87 + 88 + 91 + 106 + 107 + 112
(= 1301)

Thus, combining this 20/20 element anagram with Mike Keith's 30/30 anagram yields a 50/50 doubly-true anagram of 100 of the 112 currently named elements.


3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Nancy Reagan's Letter of Forgiveness to John Hinckley:

People could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady.

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deluded and deranged young man who shot President Reagan in 1981.

Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster and, inside his twisted mind, loved Jodie so much that, to make himself well regarded by her, he decided to assassinate President Reagan. But his attempt failed - the President was wounded but survived.

There is speculation that Hinckley may soon be released, having been considered as rehabilitated. Consequently, you will all appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley:

To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs. N. Reagan

My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.

In accordance with our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we wanted you to know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting President Reagan.

We are fully aware that extreme mental stress and pain could well have driven you to commit such a desperate act.

We're confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to rejoin the world as a healthy and productive man.

Best wishes,

Nancy Reagan and Family

P.S. While you have been incarcerated, President Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

=

A Key Way to Rearrange Our System.

Easy! Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the seniors would enjoy access to showers; hobbies; a walking (or jogging) area and any games they enjoy; they'd have unlimited free dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc. They'd learn new work-skills and receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed emergency assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice weekly and their clothing ironed and returned to them as new.

A guard would look in on them by arrangement every twenty minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They'd enjoy family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would enjoy access to a library, a weight room, a pool, humane spiritual counselling and education breaks.

Basic clothing. Shoes, slippers, pyjamas, are free, and any legal aid can be arranged on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an outdoor exercise yard, with gardens.

For entertainment, each senior would have a PC, a TV, a radio, and make daily phone calls.

There would be a Governor and a board of 11 directors, to hear any complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that they must strictly adhere to.

The 'crooks' would get near-cold food, be left alone and unsupervised, lights off at 8pm, and a shower once a week. Must live in a tiny room for eternity, and pay $9K per month with no hope of getting out.

Justice for all. Ok?


Tony Crafter with:
Careless Whisper


Ellie Dent with:
Hallowe'en


Adie Pena with:
New York Mining Disaster


Dharam Khalsa with:
HEAVEN AND HELL

While walking down the street one day, a corrupt Senator is tragically hit by a car and dies.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "But, before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're
not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in..." says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but we have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then, you can choose where you'd like to spend Eternity."

"Really? I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the center of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his buddies and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is dressed in evening attire and happy beyond belief! They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about all the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. After having played a friendly game of golf, they dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the Devil, who is really a very friendly guy and is having a fabulous time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

=

The elevator goes up to the top floor and the doors reopen in Heaven. St. Peter is waiting for him. "Hi! Okay, it's time to go to Heaven..."

Twenty-four hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls, migrating from ethereal white cloud to fleecy white cloud, playing musical harps and lyres, singing holy hymns in unity. They have a very nice time. Before he realizes it, the Saint returns.

"Well, you've spent one day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now, choose your own eternity."

The Senator hesitates for a minute, then answers, "Gee, I would never have said it before...I mean Heaven has been delightful; however, I think I may be better off in Hell."

St. Peter escorts him to the elevator, says, "Bye!" and he speeds down to Hell.

When the elevator doors open at the bottom, he's standing in disbelief on a barren hillside, covered in waste and decayed garbage. He sees the stylish friends, dressed in filthy rags, weaker and ill, picking up trash and putting it in a bag, as more trash falls down from above.

The Devil awaits him, "Hello!" Then, he reaches out to the politician and puts an arm around his shoulder.

"Hey! I-I-I-I don't believe it!" the Senator stammers. "Yesterday I played golf here, saw the extravagant clubhouse while everyone fed me delicious lobster and caviar. I drank the sweetest champagne and had an ideal heyday, yet suddenly there's just this wasteland of vile garbage! My friends look so miserable. What happened here?"

The Devil unleashes a hollow demonic howl, "We lie, lad! Yesterday, we were campaigning. Today, you voted."


David Bourke with:
The rescue of the trapped Chilean miners =

Needful times...search copper in the Earth.
Locate...penetrate... much friendship's here!
Feel the crash! It's our men in the deep crap.
Salute perfect comradeship in here, then.
See clan in much heat, therefore stripped.
Document the Fahrenheit scale...perspire!
The furnace, their hopeless predicament.
Such Christian people: "Father entered me!"
Force applied...these three machines turn.
Deep in, force pierces that human shelter.
Epic months, space under the Earth...relief!
Complete, after the crude Spanish in here!
Help retina...them shades on. Cut-price? Free!
Prepared line inches them to the surface.
Their freedom! Chaps escape their tunnel!
I filmed each run, then repeat the process. ~
Unhampered release, no hitch...it's perfect!
Pure enterprise...the chance of death slim!
Cheer as men rose, left pit, punched the air!
Pinera, the President...some cheerful chat.
After the punches, helicopter raised men.
The hard men left site, secure in a chopper.
Let's cheer fathers reunited in Camp Hope!
Furnace, then speech time: "Praise the lord!"
Up! Pat children, see mother, father, nieces...
Picture, hospital research, then men feed.
Most in nice shape? Er, perfect rude health!
Manchester United help...so free trip each!
Home in the end...such real perfect parties!
The reaper? "Crap!", he fumes. (Incident he lost!)
Compensated...the entire parish cheerful!
See, isn't life much dearer than the copper?
Pile of cash...purchase retirement. The end.


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Teen lad's first lay =
It ends really fast!

2nd - Ivan Andonov with:
A shit is dense ~
inside the ass.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
F**k! Stars inside! =
Find asterisks.

Rick Rothstein with:
A real loose pussy =
A poor, useless lay.

David Bourke with:
The Naturist Society =
To see tits / hairy cunt.

Tom Myers with:
A prelude to coitus =
Out to seduce April.

View with:
The skilful seducer=
Idle fucker hustles.

Adie Pena with:
An erectile dysfunction =
One is certainly defunct!

Tom Myers with:
Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis =
Crave a vagina as I drill it!

Christopher Sturdy with:
I'm shit out of luck=
'Fuck!' I mouth. 'I lost.'

Tom Myers with:
Lubricate the vagina =
Give Athena a clit rub.


The Anagrammy Awards