ANDY
By
Silly Fergie

Hounded by the media
Wounded by greed,
What shall I do? How to proceed?

Andy, stay with me, through this misery,
They've set me up, say I'm corrupt,
The wolves are after me.
I'm in debt, to the neck,
I sit and sob, wa-wa-wa-wa-wa,
Why? Why oh why? (sniff) Andy?

And, Andy, one day when all this mess has flown,
Somehow, someway, will you arrange a loan?
A million, maybe three should be enough for me-yi-yi-yi,
Yes, say you will. Ah, Andy.

(spoken sorrowfully)
Lordy, loyal Andy, you have to believe me,
I have been a very silly lass, yes a very silly ass
One's really learnt one's lesson. Don't throw one out!

I sit, I sob, no, no-wo-wo-wo,
Don't throw me out, (sniff) Andy.

Andy, Andy, yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.
Ah, Andy.

PSYCHIC OCTOPUS

I'd sooner be under the sea
Than be stuck here like some sideshow in a cage.
But I've achieved celebrity,
As an octopus called Paul, who's all the rage.

Why do they wander near and far,
To see me picking mussels out of jars?
I'd sooner be under the sea,
Than be stuck here like some sideshow in a tank.

How I crave the ocean waves
Not this teeny, wet glass cube where space is sparse,
I'd love to be under the sea
And I don't want to dignify this farce.

I wish I was ocean bound,
Where I would swim and spin around.
Unsung, yet free, under the sea,
And not be a lonesome sideshow in a tank.

Don't want to stay another day
In wet, aerated brine no way, no way,
(Gulp! Aerated brine? Egad! No way)
Unplug these probes, oh boy, I need to go,
To that watery world beneath the sea
(World beneath the sea)

Suspended, happy, with my pals,
Not subdued and hung up in a tank.
I'd love to be, under the sea,
And, I need to go now, uh, huh.
Need to go now, uh huh
Need to go now. The End.

JENNIFER ANISTON.
By
Mr Roger Jolly Jr.

Jennifer Aniston gives me such a thrill,
Jennifer, loving girl, why's she single still?
Luscious as fresh guacamole,
I'd ditch Angelina Jolie
If I were Brad Pitt, he's just insane.

Jennifer Aniston, Cupid's arrow missed,
Jennifer, injured girl, who I'd love to kiss,
Is she perfect? Yes I'd hope so,
Is she worth it? Yes I know so,
Jenny I will fix your hurting heart.

I'm thinking I'll pick up my trunk and just journey round,
If I should find her, happy we'll be Jenny 'n' me,
And perhaps I'll pop the question to her?

Jennifer, groovy girl, juicy like a pear,
Well-equipped, cherry lipped, jojoba in her hair,
You were hurt unjustly, Jenny,
Hunks like Pitt are ten a penny,
Dimpled Jenny, how I do love you.

Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer;
Jennifer Aniston, vraiment je t'adore,
Jennifer, oui, je t'aime, tu es mon amour,
Pourquoi pleure-t-elle? Je ne sais pas,
Est-elle heureuse? Je ne crois pas,
Vive la vie et vive La Jennifer!
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer, oh, Jennifer!

FIN.

THE STIRRING STORY OF DAVID BECKHAM.
(England's Talented Soccer Legend).

Born in East London, down in Leytonstone,
That's the place that he first called home,
Often you'd find him 'fore he was grown
Kickin' a ball 'gainst the wall on his own.

Little, Davy Beckham, son of Leytonstone.

ManUnited were his favourite team,
Davy was a fan, like his father had been;
They watched the lad and they liked what they seen,
Then signed Dave on (he was only fifteen!)

Worthy, David Beckham they liked what they'd seen.

When he grew up he looked just like a god,
Stunning and dishy, cor the lucky sod!
Fit, tall, straight as an iron rod,
Strong jaw, cropped hair and an athletic bod.

Stunning David Beckham, cor the lucky sod.

Playing for United nearly every week,
He really reached his professional peak,
Then all the stories began to leak,
He loved the Spice Girl with thin chiselled cheeks.

Lovelorn, David Beckham, loves Victoria.

Next thing we see, in print, across the news,
He's having this fling with siren Rebecca Loos,
Then, when we're wondering if it's all true,
Of yet another fling he stands accused!

Frightful, David Beckham, tut, tut, you love rat.

Years have passed, now he's starting new,
All's forgiven, it's forgotten too,
Now he's revered - what a so-different view!
The proper role-model for all that's true.

Winner, David Beckham, the trusty soccer star.
Winner, David Beckham, the trusty soccer star!

CARELESS DRIVER
By
George Michael

I feel so unreal,
As I start the car
And try to find the steerin' wheel.
When I glide away
Hear a wee voice say,
"Deluded nut, you should not drive
Away 'cause you may not survive!"

[Chorus]
I'm never gonna drive again,
Now that I'm banged up in prison,
What a fool, I can't defend,
The way I crashed the car.
Should have known better than to smoke that spliff
Then speed off, wasted, with blurred vision,
No I'm never gonna drive again
The way I used to do.

Days seem without end,
Held in a cell, without a fag or a close friend,
Ignorance ain't bliss
With no cannabis,
There's no highs in cold stewed tea,
All you do is pee!

[Chorus]

Tonight those voices seem so loud.
I hate these uncouth convict crowds,
Wish that they would stay away,
The inmates want to get me 'cause they know I'm gay,
Going to the washroom's rough,
When cornered by twelve tattooed toughs,
Dare not even chance to turn my back...
Hey, let go...!

[Chorus]

Hang on, hang on,
Have to hang on,
Oh... ouch! Oh, no,
It all seems so wrong,
Lay some weed on me, I need to get stoned!