THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Rick Rothstein with:
The political leaders =
Replace all the idiots.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Underappreciated =
Appear uncredited.
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
She reveals the condom ~
and he removes clothes.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The customer is always right =
How I test retail guys' charms!
Josiah Winslow with:
A shirtless guy ~
's surely a sight.
Josiah Winslow with:
Don't ever change; always be yourself =
You can be very near the flawless God.
Josiah Winslow with:
O, always be yourself =
Boy, are you flawless!
Jesse Frankovich with:
A great solution =
It's our neat goal.
View with:
You're looking disgusting =
Ugly, odious, stinking ogre!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Smiley emoticon =
I commonly see it.
David Bourke with:
Sporting heroes ~
restoring hopes.
Rosie Perera with:
A presidential campaign slogan =
Sign appealing to American lads.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Broad austerity measures =
Aims at your debt's erasure.
Adie Pena with:
A collection of old snapshots =
Photo tales of classic London.
Ellie Dent with:
Snow, gales and tornadoes =
Down to seasonal dangers.
Dharam Khalsa with:
A presidential campaign slogan ~
contains plagiarised game plan.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Cringed at ~
tragic end.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Safety disclaimer =
It aids my self-care.
Scott Gardner with:
Top-selling singer =
Girl to pen singles.
Julian Lofts with:
Drone operator ~
or one predator.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Political leaders =
Cats all lie, period.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Lethal shootings =
Loathing the loss.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Bordello ~
doorbell.
Larry Brash with:
Mental health facility =
I hath felt manic lately.
Scott Gardner with:
Nuclear warheads =
Wars are launched.
Larry Brash with:
Bored? LOL! =
Bordello.
Rick Rothstein with:
Great solution... ~
or, total genius.
Rob Bretveld with:
A beloved family pet dies =
Alas, I feel void, empty bed.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Julian Lofts with:
"Sweet Freedom: A Devotional" by Sarah Palin =
Leader of Tea Party has no enviable wisdom.
2nd - Jason Lofts with:
Superhero Ant-Man ‡
Another Superman.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Harper Lee's novel 'To Kill A Mockingbird' =
Reckon small girl prevailed in the book.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Harper Lee's "Go Set a Watchman" =
Her lost chapter anew as a gem.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The music of the composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart =
"Magic Flute" amazes and somehow comforts the group.
Scott Gardner with:
Terminator Genisys =
Arnie story isn't gem.
David Bourke with:
The tennis player Nicholas Kyrgios =
No spirit? Oh yes...he's clearly tanking!
Josiah Winslow with:
The latest superhero movie Ant-Man =
Oh, Marvel team puts one in theaters.
Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet's famous Water Lilies paintings =
Flowers sit in a Gallic estate pond, in a museum.
Ellie Dent with:
ASWAD: Lay My Troubles Down =
As a band melody truly wows.
Scott Gardner with:
Harper Lee's Go Set a Watchman =
The pages she wrote can alarm!
Scott Gardner with:
Edouard Manet's Olympia =
Dream as you paint model...
Rick Rothstein with:
The Russian Hermitage ‡
I hang US art items here.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Go Set a Watchman, by Harper Lee =
Greet her Alabama town psyche!
Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's impressions =
So red sun in mist someplace.
Jesse Frankovich with:
America's song, "The Star-Spangled Banner" =
Anthem rang, led in as sports races began.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"Goodness Gracious Me" ~
(means doc is gorgeous)
Tony Crafter with:
Modest Mussorgsky's 'Pictures at an Exhibition' ~
is band music set to some Russki art Expo thingy.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Trump's position... ~
it's opportunism!
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The presidential campaigns =
Aged men pitch partisan lies.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
President Barack Obama says UK should stay in the EU =
I daresay, but that's our business pal, okay? Damn cheek!
Josiah Winslow with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
One best case: I wish I'd not have Donald Trump here!
Rosie Perera with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
Not Bush, please! Twice? Shiver! I do demand another.
David Bourke with:
The singer Michael Valentine Doonican =
One nice man is called right in to Heaven!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
Hard to choose a super mind between the invalids!
Rosie Perera with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
The win ahead: I hope it could be Vermont's Sanders.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
Avoid those with the Republicans and endorse me!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
Not these new dips! Obama. Could he serve in a third?
Rosie Perera with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
Depends. It is about whoever can demolish the NRA.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
Real bad whichever dishonest nut is made top one.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
I'd vote, "Dumb decision whether an Elephant or Ass!"
David Bourke with:
Le port de Calais =
I collapse trade
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Greek pay is lent in debts =
Being desperately skint.
Jason Lofts with:
Calais migrants =
Tag as criminals
Rosie Perera with:
Who should be voted in as the American President? =
"Whoever can beat Donald Trump is the one," I hissed.
Larry Brash with:
Nick Kyrgios at Wimbledon =
Wantonly irksome big dick!
Rosie Perera with:
South Carolina lawmakers: remove Confederate flag =
Vote for a formal challenge to reawakened US racism.
Jesse Frankovich with:
OPM Director Katherine Archuleta resigns =
Giant error has let computer hacker inside.
Ellie Dent with:
Hottest July day recorded =
Just too dry, they declared!
Julian Lofts with:
Athens capitulated =
It hasn't placated EU.
Rosie Perera with:
Donald Trump - Make America Great Again =
A guarantee, a trap, deal, or damn gimmick?
Julian Lofts with:
Athens capitulates to creditors =
It hasn't placated EEC or tourists
Adie Pena with:
The Greek bailout plan =
Bleak. Real inept. Tough.
Rosie Perera with:
Austerity Has Failed =
Stealthy EU is afraid.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Global austerity measures =
Surely a great bailout mess!
Scott Gardner with:
Pro-marijuana legislation =
A joint's legal? I am in uproar!
Rosie Perera with:
The Iran nuclear deal =
Unreal and heretical.
View with:
The Iran deal is ~
death in Israel.
Rosie Perera with:
Verdict reached in theater shooting trial =
It's horrid evil carnage; death to the cretin!
Rosie Perera with:
Reaction from Democrats: It's ~
an act of domestic terrorism.
Julian Lofts with:
The surfer Mick Fanning =
Cunning shark - mere tiff.
Rosie Perera with:
Twitter: @realDonaldTrump (on the internet) =
Torrential twaddle; the prominent nutter.
Adie Pena with:
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump =
Unpopular partisan derided and belittled McCain.
View with:
The Australian surfer Mick Fanning =
Fin, attack, rush, run. Man regains life!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Sharks attack surfers off North Carolina shoreline =
All fast ocean fun carries the risk of horrors, thanks.
Julian Lofts with:
The US novelist Edgar Lawrence Doctorow has died =
Death hit aged world-renowned creative colossus
Larry Brash with:
The champion surfer Mick Fanning =
Infringement of shark. Much panic!
Rosie Perera with:
Dennis Rodman endorses Donald Trump =
Mad man's sold on odd president runner.
Rick Rothstein with:
The Greek bailout plan =
True plight? A bleak one.
Jason Lofts with:
Christopher Froome wins the Tour de France again =
Sad Frenchies throw urine at a foreign ectomorph.
Rosie Perera with:
Cecil's death prompts calls to ban trophy hunting =
Central sport: that chump scalping the lion's body.
Rosie Perera with:
Rocket launch site =
N. Korea clutches it.
Mark Huffman with:
Cecil, the famous lion, killed by American dentist =
Umm...dead cat skin is NOT hairy feline collectible!
Jesse Frankovich with:
Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer =
Man speared lion; Twitter laments.
Jason Lofts with:
Florida teenagers Austin Stephanos and Perry Cohen =
End long hunt after disappearance in the sea. So sorry!
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Business mogul Donald Trump =
Dumbass on multiple grounds.
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Barack H. Obama, The President of the USA =
Had task to be American hope after Bush.
3rd - Rob Bretveld with:
Candidate Donald Trump =
Damned odd lunatic prat!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Misty Copeland =
Simply to dance
Tony Crafter with:
Heather Watson =
"Oh, that Serena W !"
Dharam Khalsa with:
His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama =
Oh, he has had influential roles at times.
Larry Brash with:
John Patrick McEnroe =
Champ or not nice jerk?
Adie Pena with:
Carli Lloyd =
All cry, "Idol!"
Jason Lofts with:
Tsakalotos =
A lot o' tasks.
Jesse Frankovich with:
Euclid Tsakalotos =
Close out aid talks.
Adie Pena with:
Donald Trump, Sr. =
Mr. Slop-and-Turd.
David Bourke with:
Armistead Maupin =
"It's a man I'm up, dear!"
Jason Lofts with:
The actor Michel Demitri Shalhoub alias Omar Sharif =
Ooh, macho hirsute film star had charm, real abilities.
Tony Crafter with:
The warlord Genghis Khan =
Legend's worth a high rank.
View with:
Norwegian adventurer Thor Heyerdahl =
Loving to wander here and there! Hurray!
Scott Gardner with:
Actress Amanda Seyfried =
Fascinates daydreamers.
Ellie Dent with:
Author Harper Lee =
Her tale: uproar, eh?
Jason Lofts with:
Elizabeth Regina =
Heil! Be great Nazi.
Adie Pena with:
Germany's Angela Dorothea Merkel =
Some or all Greek men angry at head.
Mark Huffman with:
President Hillary Rodham Clinton =
Hellish dictator? Prim older nanny?
David Bourke with:
Angela Dorothea Kasner =
A loan...another sad Greek.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The American novelist Edgar Lawrence "E. L." Doctorow =
To credit a name we can recognise all over the world.
Scott Gardner with:
Monsieur Claude Oscar Monet =
Do a color scene in art museum.
David Bourke with:
Lord John Buttifant Sewel =
Held intent for just a blow!
Tony Crafter with:
Heroics from ~
Chris Froome!
Jason Lofts with:
Lord Sewel =
Lewd loser.
Ellie Dent with:
Christopher Froome, the Tour de France winner =
Honour, then, for the rider's performance ... twice!
Adie Pena with:
Baron Sewel =
Born weasel.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
The State of California =
Noise, heat, traffic... a lot!
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Dow Jones Industrial Average =
I alone judge how a trader invests
3rd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Windows Ten =
New! It's Down!
Adie Pena with:
The National Rifle Association =
Oh, no! Racial tension! Fatalities!
Rosie Perera with:
South Sudan =
US handouts.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Subway Restaurant Chain =
Was a butcher unsanitary?
Josiah Winslow with:
Subway Restaurant Chain =
Bust a waste can in a hurry.
Rosie Perera with:
Flash Player Plugin =
Helpful? Paralysing.
Larry Brash with:
Chronic Lyme Disease ~
concealed his misery.
Scott Gardner with:
The Russian Hermitage =
Art images shut in here.
Jason Lofts with:
Eid al-Fitr, the end of Ramadan =
And then eat familiar fodder.
Dan Fortier with:
Ashley Madison =
Shame is on lady.
Tony Crafter with:
The Scoville Organoleptic Test ~
gets to scale over-potent chilli
Jesse Frankovich with:
The Ashley Madison site =
The aim's lays on the side.
Jason Lofts with:
Scoville heat units (SHU) =
Those chili values stun!
Adie Pena with:
Ashamedly is on ~
Ashley Madison.
View with:
Ashley Madison =
O man, shady lies!
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A lone VIP tourist is coming into Athens city airport.
"Name?" says Customs Officer.
It's "Angela Merkel." ~
"Nationality?"
"I am German."
"Occupation?" Customs Officer starts to ask.
"No," she replies, "merely visiting."
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
One evening a not-so-humble guy and his wife were selecting the password for the computer they had bought.
=
She'd caved, so the guy, Bob, saw fit to enter "mypenis". The wife laughed when this came up: "Error. Not long enough."
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
'Get this,' said Mick, 'Last Wednesday night, when
I was in my pub, the Fox and Geese, a big
jerk broke in my home ... in thru the back door.
=
'Did he get anything?' his mates said.
'Yep. Black eye, broken jaw and six broken ribs.
The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.'
Rosie Perera with:
"An unfettered pursuit of money rules. That is the dung of the devil." (Pope Francis) =
Rich people's undue faith in vast greed is nutty, left the mundane poor to suffer.
Jason Lofts with:
Indian Zoroastrians are suing Snoop Dogg for insulting their religion =
Oh, no! Parsis are out for zillions, arguing song rendition is denigrating.
Adie Pena with:
The Top Three Countries with the Most Debt*
- United States of America
- United Kingdom
- Germany
=
That item upset me:
Mankind is tough on Greece.
Destitute and tatty,
I'd borrow from the Chinese!
Julian Lofts with:
The world's top three anti-impotence drugs:
1. Viagra®
2. Cialis
3. Levitra
=
1. Lewd genital vim
2. Vigor to thrust her
3. Pert, paradisiacal e®ections.
Jason Lofts with:
Donald Trump, the American business magnate, investor, television personality, and author =
Vain old man in outlandish overtly straightened toupee in POTUS race is an embarrassment.
Julian Lofts with:
Notorious infidelity sites Ashley Madison, Cougar Life and Established Men are hacked =
A sinister foe is leaking raunchy details of shady men, lies, deceit and houris too - bedlam!
Christopher Sturdy with:
If in fact money talks in that presidential race, that man would surely devalue the currency of debate?
=
Only after the very rich buys influence, can a twat like Donald Trump lead the United States of America!
Julian Lofts with:
The Australian professional surfer Mick 'White Lightning' Fanning =
Lone man fights great white shark in surf, inflicting pain - so unreal!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Tombstone:
"Remember friend, as you pass by, as you are now,
so once was I. As I am now, so you must be.
Prepare yourself to follow me."
=
We buy unseasonal flowers as we aim to comfort your wife,
say a poem, sob some too, as your body slumbers
in permanent repose.
Adie Pena with:
The dentist Walter Palmer from Bloomington, Minnesota, U.S.A.: ~
"Neat moment? NOT! It's a problem. I'm wanted for lion's slaughter!"
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
Shifty Nixon, inept Ford, naive Carter, utterly smooth Reagan, elder Bush, lusty Clinton, puppet Bush--
What's left for me? The future!
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." - Donald Trump
=
There once was born a nut:
Rich ninny, expert strut,
Utter evil, deeply gruff,
Most only foolish huff...
Please tie that dumb trap shut!
3rd - Jason Lofts with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
He's colorful, forthright, temperamentful ... but not that responsible and very unpresidential with that unsexy, scruffy toupee.
Julian Lofts with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is."
Donald Trump
=
Gruff man truthfully wants to be the next US President but is only an apprentice. Huh, test hell's pact - vote for him or "You're fired!"
Adie Pena with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
The Wrong Sport
Rebuff truth, ditch the obsolete:
Ex Maples plus pretty Ivana.
Horny stuff in the suite
Currently found Melania!
Ellie Dent with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on
the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
Iffy hair growth
threatens me
Thin, brevity!
Must add inches
Full curls help; next
suffer transplant?
To buy toupee
or not toupee?
Rosie Perera with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
Gruff unfunny spoilt tycoon: "Tut, tut! Why, in truth, those Mexicans are all rapists and evil people. Rebuff them. There's the border!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is."
Donald Trump
=
First, I'd remember that pun: If that stuffy auburn orangutan is chosen worthy, then voted for, I'll expect "Hell toupée!"
Sly Punster
Julian Lofts with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is."
Donald Trump
=
A very strange, utterly xenophobic, coiffed nutter from the United States. Spurn a tubthumper who's inherently full of shit, pal!
Adie Pena with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
Rightly postiche or toupée,
The transplant drew much attention.
Further puffed as soufflé,
Bluntly subvert my hair extension!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
He (Trump), present runner, gruffly noted that it's an "easy" effort to build the US-Mexico wall, but he hurt plenty of Hispanic voters!
Jason Lofts with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump =
The vile hurtful buffoon rashly taunted stern, gritty hero McCain, an ex-POW. P.S. Trump's really unfit to be the President of the US.
Christopher Sturdy with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
Hope after an expensive, two-month ruthless campaign runs he ends terribly hurt and still out of office
Pretty hurtful, but yet...
Ellie Dent with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
'History is the present: every generation authors it anew.' (Penman's text).
Should Trump doubly fulfil that concept? Further bluff.
Rob Bretveld with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
That "present" is the wealthiest, most luxurious, most hyperbolic, puffed up buffoon ranting fervently then rudely errant chat.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
Trump: At the current time, he's the affluent Republican (who's lost funds), fixated on bullying others at every fresh opportunity.
Tony Crafter with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
Sixty-nine-year-old Mr Trump further proving to us that wealth sure can't buy intellect.
(Uh? He plans to be President of the US? F*** off!)
Jesse Frankovich with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." - Donald Trump =
Hence this powerful rotten nutter shall thereby try to huff and puff the very best, most luxurious presidential campaign. (NOT!)
Meyran Kraus with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
"Affluent trust-fund people should be richer!
The Mexicans are utterly filthy!
That prying POTUS wasn't born in the US!
VOTE FOR ME!!!"
Meyran Kraus with:
"I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That's where the fun is." Donald Trump
=
"If rotten Mexico plans to pull the rug from under us, prevent it! This stuff can be hairy! There'd be utter hell to pay!!
...What's so funny?"
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A Shaggy Dog Story:
A woman noticed her aged dog was becoming deaf, so she took him to the vet.
When the vet checked, he discovered the problem was hair in the ears. Once he had removed it all, the dog was happily able to hear again. The vet explained to the woman that if she wanted to keep this from happening again she should get some "Nair," and rub it well into the dog's ears once a month.
So she headed down to the drugstore to get the Nair.
While he was handing it to her, the druggist added: "Just one warning with this product - if you intend using it under your arms, don't apply deodorant for a week."
The woman said, "Thanks, I will not be using it under my arms."
The salesman said, "Well, if you'll be using it all on your legs, don't shave them for three days."
The lady said, "No, I will not be using it on my legs... Ok, if you must know, I am using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist replied, "Then stay off your bike for a week.
=
A Doggy Shag Story:
A woman whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while they were on holiday.
As she was dozing off on the first night, she heard terrible whining and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together in coitus. They were obviously in great pain but unable to disengage (as so often occurs when dogs mate).
Try as she may, she was unable to separate them and didn't know what to do. Although it was rather late at night, she decided to ring their family vet for advice.
"Yes, what is it!" answered the man in a very grumpy tone of voice.
She told him her problem.
The vet said, "Hang up the phone immediately and put it next to the dogs. I will phone you back and the disruption of the ringing will make the male lose its erection and slip out immediately."
"Do you think it'll work?" she asked.
"It just worked on me," he grunted and hung up.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great, thankfully. I've made lot$ of crazy but agreeable and generous friend$ here I can rely on, turn to them even, and am presently $tudying hard. With all my possessions, I $imply can't really think of anything I need, or want right now. But lastly, if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, as I'd be pleased to hear from you. OK?
Love, your $on.
=
Reply from Dad...
Dear Jimmy,
I realize that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep many a man, even an hoNOr student like yourself, incredibly busy. Incidentally, don't forget that while pursuit of kNOwledge is undue, hard graft, tho' it will always be a truly NOble task, in life you canNOt ever really study hard eNOugh.
Love, Dad.
3rd - Julian Lofts with:
The Main Characters at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
1. Harry Potter
2. Hermione Granger
3. Ronald Weasley
4. Lord Voldemort
5. Rubeus Hagrid
6. Professor Albus Dumbledore
7. Severus Snape
8. Draco Malfoy
9. Remus Lupin
10. Dobby the house-elf
11. J K Rowling?
=
1. Valorous orphan with scar
2. Youthful, dewy-eyed girl
3. Stubborn ginger charmer
4. Crazy horror - Tom Marvolo Riddle
5. Groundskeeper
6. Headmaster
7. Harsh Potions master
8. Blonde bad Slytherin galls
9. Academic werewolf
10. Dwarf?
11. Just the author - pens fable of course.
Jason Lofts with:
This year's Wimbledon men's singles seeds:
1 Novak Djokovic
2 Roger Federer
3 Andy Murray
4 Stan Wawrinka
5 Kei Nishikori
6 Tomas Berdych
7 Milos Raonic
8 David Ferrer
9 Marin Cilic
10 Rafael Nadal
=
1 Skinny Serbian flimflammer
2 Admired Swiss ace endorses Nike
3 UK
4 Hairy introvertive boring killjoy
5 Solid career
6 Calm adversary
7 Who?
8 Disregarded (no show)
9 Croatian
10 Nicknamed Rafa
Josiah Winslow with:
1. John Ellis Bush
2. Benjamin Solomon Carson
3. Christopher James Christie
4. Rafael Edward Cruz
5. Mark Whitty Everson
6. Cara Carleton Fiorina
7. Lindsey Olin Graham
8. Michael Dale Huckabee
9. Piyush "Bobby" Jindal
10. John Richard Kasich
11. George Elmer Pataki
12. Randal Howard Paul
13. Richard "Rick" Perry
14. Marco Antonio Rubio
15. Richard John Santorum
16. Donald John Trump Senior
17. Scott Walker
=
1. Hell, I shun jobs.
2. Men, I can loan *morons* jobs!
3. Those sharp critics jeer him.
4. Dreadful war craze.
5. Very mistaken worth.
6. A fair concern to a liar.
7. Ah, I'm one sly darling.
8. Ace? Ha! Dumb like a leech.
9. I'd buy job by his plan.
10. Join hard, rich hacks.
11. Me? I kept a larger ego.
12. A hard, loud war plan.
13. Err...a dry, rich prick.
14. O, a moronic brain! Out!
15. Ah! Disjunct horror, man!
16. Damn old pro joins the run.
17. Act! Let's work!
Dharam Khalsa with:
There are seven mischievous misses that wish to become a part of every project. Watch out for them. They are:
1. Miss Information
2. Miss Quotation
3. Miss Representation
4. Miss Interpretation
5. Miss Construction
6. Miss Conception
7. Miss Understanding
=
1. She fabricates fictitious rumors.
2. She maneuvers common quips into (not) witty words.
3. She prevaricates or omits facts.
4. She interjects presumptions.
5. She compromises my motivation.
6. She generates incrimination.
7. She demonstrates inattention.
Adie Pena with:
Seven retired Jewish fellows in Miami, Florida were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand. Meyer suddenly clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
After momentarily showing respect for their fallen comrade Meyer, the other six immediately continue playing, but standing up.
At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, "So, who is going tell poor Meyer's big-mouthed wife?"
They agree to cut the cards. Goldberg picks the lowest card and has to carry the morbid news.
They tell Goldberg, "But be very discreet, be very gentle with her. ~
Don't make an awful situation any worse."
"Huh, discreet? Funny but discretion is my middle name. I'm probably the most renowned discreet person you'll ever meet. I surely won't exacerbate it."
Though bedtime, he goes over to Meyer's place and confidently knocks on the door. The ghastly, wretched screeching wife answers and asks what he wants.
The highly dependable Goldberg says to her, "Your husband just lost $500 in a single poker game and is terribly afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!" screeches the frightening wife.
"Great!" the perfectly relieved Goldberg replies, "I'll go tell him."
Jesse Frankovich with:
THE MODERN CONSTELLATIONS
1. Andromeda
2. Antlia
3. Apus
4. Aquarius
5. Aquila
6. Ara
7. Aries
8. Auriga
9. Boötes
10. Caelum
11. Camelopardalis
12. Cancer
13. Canes Venatici
14. Canis Major
15. Canis Minor
16. Capricornus
17. Carina
18. Cassiopeia
19. Centaurus
20. Cepheus
21. Cetus
22. Chamaeleon
23. Circinus
24. Columba
25. Coma Berenices
26. Corona Australis
27. Corona Borealis
28. Corvus
29. Crater
30. Crux
31. Cygnus
32. Delphinus
33. Dorado
34. Draco
35. Equuleus
36. Eridanus
37. Fornax
38. Gemini
39. Grus
40. Hercules
41. Horologium
42. Hydra
43. Hydrus
44. Indus
45. Lacerta
46. Leo
47. Leo Minor
48. Lepus
49. Libra
50. Lupus
51. Lynx
52. Lyra
53. Mensa
54. Microscopium
55. Monoceros
56. Musca
57. Norma
58. Octans
59. Ophiuchus
60. Orion
61. Pavo
62. Pegasus
63. Perseus
64. Phoenix
65. Pictor
66. Pisces
67. Piscis Austrinus
68. Puppis
69. Pyxis
70. Reticulum
71. Sagitta
72. Sagittarius
73. Scorpius
74. Sculptor
75. Scutum
76. Serpens
77. Sextans
78. Taurus
79. Telescopium
80. Triangulum
81. Triangulum Australe
82. Tucana
83. Ursa Major
84. Ursa Minor
85. Vela
86. Virgo
87. Volans
88. Vulpecula
=
1. I'm a lass
2. air pump
3. exotic bird
4. I'm a carrier
5. Altair
6. altar
7. ram
8. Capella
9. Arcturus
10. is a chisel
11. Plancius's
12. crustaceous
13. dogs, us
14. jumbo dog
15. lesser dog
16. sea goat
17. Canopus
18. queen in a chair
19. man on top
20. I'm a ruler
21. sea monster
22. tiny
23. compass
24. dove
25. hair
26. is oval
27. is semicircular
28. a raven
29. a cup
30. Southern Cross
31. Northern Cross
32. a cetacean
33. LMC
34. you dragon you
35. minuscule
36. river
37. inconspicuous
38. Castor, Pollux
39. crane
40. I'm courageous
41. pendulum
42. maximum area
43. sinuous
44. Plancius's
45. quite inconspicuous
46. Regulus; August
47. very inconspicuous
48. hare
49. scales
50. a canid
51. a cat
52. Vega
53. most inconspicuous
54. minor
55. unicorn
56. ex-Apis
57. a square
58. circumpolar
59. Serpentarius
60. hunter
61. Plancius's
62. horse
63. virtuous acts
64. mythic
65. dim
66. pair
67. just one
68. poop
69. sea compass
70. net
71. puny
72. archer
73. armour
74. dull
75. shield
76. Caput/Cauda
77. angle measurer
78. bull
79. tool
80. irregular
81. Atria
82. toucan
83. bear
84. li'l bear
85. sails
86. no sex
87. Plancius's
88. fox
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
THE LAST TRUMP
by Banjo Paterson
"You led the trump," the old man said
With fury in his eye,
"And yet you hope my girl to wed!
Young man! your hopes of love are fled,
'Twere better she should die!
"My sweet young daughter sitting there,
So innocent and plump!
You don't suppose that she would care
To wed an outlawed man who'd dare
To lead the thirteenth trump!
"If you had drawn their leading spade
It meant a certain win!
But no! By Pembroke's mighty shade
The thirteenth trump you went and played
And let their diamonds in!
"My girl, return at my command
His presents in a lump!
Return his ring! For, understand,
No man is fit to hold your hand
Who leads a thirteenth trump!
"But hold! Give every man his due
And every dog his day.
Speak up and say what made you do
This dreadful thing -- that is, if you
Have anything to say!"
He spoke. "I meant at first," said he,
"To give their spades a bump,
Or lead the hearts; but then you see
I thought against us there might be,
Perhaps, a fourteenth trump!"
They buried him at dawn of day
Beside a ruined stump:
And there he sleeps the hours away
And waits for Gabriel to play
The last -- the fourteenth trump.
=
DONALD TRUMP
by the Headmaster of the Moneyed and the Authority on History
Dirty tiny shanty, no hot shower,
Life in that tatty dump.
With no utilities, no power.
Has no grand suite at Trump Tower.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
Hawaii and Mauritius are not
A hop, skip and a jump!
Forget the hideaway bay spot,
The drab ghetto is what you got.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
No syrupy dish from the East,
Eat no fruit ripe and plump.
No Wagyu beef, the greasy beast;
No healthy mead at the fine feast.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
The mind is numb, the thought is tired;
The mystery may stump.
Roadworthy daddy he had hired;
Stayed satisfied, midday he's fired.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
The bonehead didn't have the brain,
Vapid as Forrest Gump.
Was no war hero like McCain;
The triumph he'd never attain.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
Tattered beggar up to here in debt;
Huge economic slump!
Eightieth hit, defeated I bet;
Banking on the welfare he'll get.
Unless you're Donald Trump!
They're happiest when they wanna
Get the wealthiest hump.
Do not hug the great Miss Ghana;
Why even bed his private Ivana?
Unless you're Donald Trump!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
PHANTASMAGORIA - CANTO I (The Trystyng )
By
Lewis Carroll
ONE winter night, at half-past nine,
Cold, tired, and cross, and muddy,
I had come home, too late to dine,
And supper, with cigars and wine,
Was waiting in the study.
There was a strangeness in the room,
And Something white and wavy
Was standing near me in the gloom -
I took it for the carpet-broom
Left by that careless slavey.
But presently the Thing began
To shiver and to sneeze:
On which I said "Come, come, my man!
That's a most inconsiderat e plan.
Less noise there, if you please!"
"I've caught a cold," the Thing replies,
"Out there upon the landing."
I turned to look in some surprise,
And there, before my very eyes,
A little Ghost was standing!
He trembled when he caught my eye,
And got behind a chair.
"How came you here," I said, "and why?
I never saw a thing so shy.
Come out! Don't shiver there!"
He said "I'd gladly tell you how,
And also tell you why;
But" (here he gave a little bow)
"You're in so bad a temper now,
You'd think it all a lie.
"And as to being in a fright,
Allow me to remark
That Ghosts have just as good a right
In every way, to fear the light,
As Men to fear the dark."
"No plea," said I, "can well excuse
Such cowardice in you:
For Ghosts can visit when they choose,
Whereas we Humans ca'n't refuse
To grant the interview."
He said "A flutter of alarm
Is not unnatural, is it?
I really feared you meant some harm:
But, now I see that you are calm,
Let me explain my visit.
"Houses are classed, I beg to state,
According to the number
Of Ghosts that they accommodate:
(The Tenant merely counts as WEIGHT,
With Coals and other lumber).
"This is a 'one-ghost' house, and you
When you arrived last summer,
May have remarked a Spectre who
Was doing all that Ghosts can do
To welcome the new-comer.
=
Re: The Excruciating Tale Of Matthew McGee And The Sorry Psychic Occurrence
By
Les Miserable
My boozing buddy Matt McGee
Is not the finest wit,
The Irish farmer sure can be
A monumental twit.
He has no wife and drinks all
Night, cold Guinness in a jar,
While perching on his favourite stool,
Located by the bar.
Our local inn, The Royal Crown
Is held in real esteem
It serves the finest beer in town
And has a great darts team!
One wild March night a man came in,
A stranger to these parts,
He bought himself a Gilbey's gin,
And watched the guys play darts.
"'Tis said dis place is haunted, sir,"
Matt grinned at him then laughed,
"Why, even now oi see ye have a
Spirit in your glass!"
The stranger uttered to McGee:
"How weird you mentioned this!
My occupation is, you see,
A psychic specialist!
"Tomorrow I am speaking at
Your local civic hall,
On ghosts and eerie things like that,
You're welcome, guys, to call!"
Well, Matt and I, we went off on
His tractor the next day,
To see that man (his name was Ron),
Hear what he had to say.
"Has anybody seen a ghost?"
Ron asked us right away;
And twenty hands went up, that's almost
Half the hall, I'd say.
"Wow! what a lot of hands!" yelled he,
"That is a nice surprise!
But I've another thing to ask, be
Truthful, tell no lies.
"Has anyone here touched a ghost?"
Ron ventured, "hand on heart?"
Some more went up, well three at most,
(One was the village tart).
"Wowee!" said Ron, I'm stunned
To see you've touched a heavenly host!
Now tell me true, has anyone
Here made love to a ghost?"
Then from the back, one voice came strong,
"Yes me! Oi have!" Matt cried.
"You've made love to a ghost?" gasped Ron,
"Wow! ... no word of a lie?"
Matt mumbled, "Wait a minute sir,
Er... did ye say "a ghost?
Oi beg your pardon, oi misheard,
... Oi thought ye said 'a goat'!"
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER
O say can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
=
THE TSAR'S MANGLED SHAM-HAIR
(Bad Rug to Be Elected)
O say can we see, through the Don's pearly whites,
What so foully he wails, rich with greed that's unflagging?
Those brash statements appall; they go well to the Right,
With the wrong, snobby talk and perpetual bragging.
And the rotter's affairs, errors bursting on air,
Gave proof to the Left the guy isn't all there.
O say does that tsar's mangled sham-hair yet wave
O'er the brand that is he: e'er o'erblown and depraved?
Adie Pena with:
The more of my money I bet,
The more in return I shall net!
But, of course, should I lose,
IÂ’ll be singing the blues
As each bet, I regret, becomes debt.
=
Oh, each community member agrees
He hid his burst bubble in Greece!
Lost billions Euro;
Money to forego?
But he'll settle it, interest and fees!
Adie Pena with:
Dear Donald, IÂ’m begging you: Run!
Join the “clown car” and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!*
=
I find you're a showboat, just smug;
Note, not one idea; a moneyed thug!
Irritable -- no, RUDE!
And now to conclude...
Oh, is there anything under that rug?
Julian Lofts with:
The Circle of Life
(from the Lion King Musical)
From the day we arrive on this planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There is far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round
It's the circle of life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle
The circle of life
It's the circle of life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle
The circle of life
=
Cecil The Lion
Cecil the African lion, supposedly protected in his game park
Hunters lured him to his death with fresh meat
Walter Palmer, the dentist from Minnesota, the 'brave hunter',
He had perfect, ultra-bright teeth
Cecil the vulnerable lion
Killed by a puffed up dentist
With longbow and arrows
This 'valorous' vainglorious gaffe
Confronting, frightening
The marvellous lion,
Sentence offenders!
Hang the demon felons!
Fee-fie-fo-fuck him!
Cecil the lion
Roared in pain,
Pierced through
His heart
Cecil the African lion,
Decapitated
And skinned
Arrgghh!
Tourists liked
Cecil the lion,
People - save the lions,
Value them in future
Hold on
Never hunt
To the death
Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!
Rosie Perera with:
In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonight
In the jungle, the quiet jungle
The lion sleeps tonight
Wimoweh...
Near the village, the peaceful village
The lion sleeps tonight
Near the village, the quiet village
the lion sleeps tonight
Wimoweh...
Hush my darling, don't fear my darling
The lion sleeps tonight
Hush my darling, don't fear my darling
The lion sleeps tonight
Wimoweh...
Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-weh
Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-weh
=
Requiem
Welllll...
In July, in muggy July,
The lion ran for his life tonight.
With meat as a lure, he left his enclosure.
Weemm-eh-weh...
The lion died tonight
Some hep violent galumphing Minnesota dentist
All aglee, had to get his trophy.
Plunge, tangle, gag 'n gulp.
The lion's head got severed tonight.
Vehement men;
The lion's pelt was stolen tonight.
Juveniles will join him in quiet mortality.
Ahhhhhhhhhh! Gee, gee, geeeeeee, we wept.
Adie Pena with:
There once was a Lion King fan,
Who loved it as much as one can.
"No worries! She'd say
And watch it all day,
Hoping somehow to join Simba's clan.
=
Oh, how can anyone?! Slain by a dentist?!
Enough of a void! Oh, Cecil is missed.
How can Walter
'Jackass' Palmer?!
Now a moron's high on a 'Wanted' list!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The bordello =
Olde brothel.
2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The anti-impotence drug Viagra =
I get to cum in her parted vagina.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Anti-impotence drugs =
Penis turned to magic!
Jesse Frankovich with:
The anti-impotence drug Viagra =
I get peter hard to cum in vagina.
Adie Pena with:
No underwear =
Nude rear now.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Milf site calls her vagina ~
Flashing a vertical smile.
View with:
A derriere =
I.e. red rear
Julian Lofts with:
See her hot wet panties =
He wishes to penetrate.
Rick Rothstein with:
Wet panties =
Seepin' twat?
Jason Lofts with:
Clitoral orgasm =
Root a girl's clam.
