Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2012

All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2012 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Pirate costume for a Halloween party =
A parrot or eyepatch will often amuse!

2nd - nedesto with:
Two fat blokes are at the pub. "Your round," says the one. ~
The other bloke spun, went: "So are you, you fat bastard!"

3rd - View with:
The war correspondent =
Can report red-hot news.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Tour de France =
Center o' fraud.

2nd - nedesto with:
'All my troubles seemed so far away' =
Early Beatles^(R) melody was famous.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Daniel Craig as James Bond in the movie Skyfall =
I'll chase females and enjoy big vodka martinis.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Romney and Obama ~
do bore many a man.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Halloween costumes =
Well-chosen to amuse.

3rd - nedesto with:
Hugo Chavez is elected to a fourth term as president =
CIA prefers the Venezuela dictator's tough methods.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The first edition of the Voyageur Press publication "How to Shovel Manure" by Gwen Petersen
=
We're supposed to believe that the useful hit is in fact NOT governor Romney's new biography?

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Tug O'Reilly hated Tess, their pet cat, so he drove off 5 miles to dump it.

When he got home, it was there.

Next day, he drove 20ml.

When he ~
got home, it was there.

Next day he drove 250 ml.

Twelve hours later, he phoned his wife:

"Did the cat get home?"

"Yes."

"Put the f***er on, I'm lost."

3rd - nedesto with:
A lady keeps peeking through these turkeys at the grocery store, but she can�t find any large enough for her family's needs. ~

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Once and for all, can you give me an educated answer to the question - what comes first, the chicken or the egg?"
=

The egg.
Whatever a
hen's made out
of was not normal
chicken DNA quite
yet, according
to the rules
of science.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
"Once and for all, can you give me an educated answer to the question - what comes first, the chicken or the egg?"
=
Oh, to conclude that old query can make us frenetic.
"Ah," one man voiced, "'twas the egg, for the answer is genetic!"

3rd - Robert Jordan with:
"Once and for all, can you give me an educated answer to the question - what comes first, the chicken or the egg?"
=
Eggheads at Sheffield University, and at Warwick too, concur that a lone hen got her sequence to commence

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN: The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women:

1. FINE - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.

2. THAT'S OKAY - One of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. 'That's okay' means she wants to think long and hard before deciding quite how and when you will be paying for your mistake.

3. NOTHING - This is the calm before the storm. It means 'Something' and you'd better be on your toes. Arguments that start with 'Nothing' usually end with 'Fine.' (See One).

4. FIVE MINUTES - If getting dressed, this means it will take anything up to half-an-hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some really boring chores around the house.)

=

5. THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Don't question why, even if you are confused. But say, 'You're welcome.' Then let it go.

6. LOUD, SOULFUL SIGH - Huffy, non-verbal comment often misunderstood by a mere man. It means that she thinks you're an impudent idiot - feeble, to boot - and furthermore, is wondering why she has been standing here wasting time debating 'nothing.' (Refer to Three)

7. GO AHEAD - This is often a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)

8. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. This means she has asked a man umpteen times to do something, but, now infuriated, is finally doing it for herself. But wait, that means you will then ask her, in the future, 'Why, honey, what is wrong ?' (See Three.)

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Seamus and Murphy were out walking one day and came across an abandoned well.

Curious as to how deep it might be, they threw a stone down the well and waited for the sound of it hitting the bottom. But they heard nothing.

So they found a larger rock and threw that down. Still they heard nothing.

It clearly needed something a lot bigger, and after a quick search of the surrounding area, they came across an old railway sleeper.

Summoning every bit of their combined strength, they managed to carry the heavy sleeper across to the well and lobbed it into the hole. As they stood back waiting for the sound of it hitting the bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt straight into the open well.

"Holy shoit!" cried Seamus, "did ya see what oi just feckin' saw?"

"Oi... oi did!" stammered Murphy.

Both men were still recovering from their shock when a farmer appeared.
"Have either of you seen a goat?" he asked.

"Begorra, we have!" exclaimed Seamus. "It just jumped down dat feckin' well, so it did!"

"No, that couldn''t have been my goat," smiled the farmer. "Mine was tethered to a railway sleeper."

=

Two men were seated next to each other at the bar.

After a while, one turned to the other and queried, "Hearing your accent, do I detect that you're from green Ireland?"

"That oi am!" acknowledged the second man.

"Why, so am I!" said the first man. "And where in Ireland do ye come from?"

"Oi come from Dublin," replied the other.

"Why, me too!" chuckled the first man. "'tis a small world! What street did ye live in?"

"I lived in Plug Street, just off da town centre."

"Bejaysus! So did I! And what school would ye have gone to, by chance'?"

"Why, St. Mary's of course."

"Holy Mother, I went to St Mary's too!" gasped the first man. "When did ye graduate?"

"Oi graduated back in April 'eighty-eight."

"Well, I can hardly believe we two fellahs just happened to be in the same bar tonight!" gasped the first man. "Would ye believe that I too graduated from St. Mary's that self-same year! The blessed Lord must be looking down upon us!"

At the same time, another man went up to the bar to order a beer.

The publican walked over shaking his head and groaned, "Oh, heck; it's gonna be a long night tonight."

"Why?" asked the customer.

"The O'Leary twins are pissed again."

3rd - nedesto with:
A dustman is going up a street. He gets to a house where the bin isn't out yet, so he has a look for it, and knocks.

The door is answered by a shy Chinese gentleman, Lee. "Harro," he says.

"All right, where's your bin, yeah?" asks the dustman.

"I bin on toiret," replies Lee, looking perplexed.

"No," demands the dustman, "Where's ya dustbin?"

Lee scratches his head and protests, "I dust bin on toiret!"

"Christ, but you're still not getting my drift," curses the dustman, upset. "Where's your wheely bin?!"

"Aw fine," Lee gulps bashfully. "I wheely bin having wank."

=

Betty is growing frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex.

She finally buys some split-crotch undies she had seen in a lingerie shop.

One night at home, Betty takes a shower. She puts on a slinky blue satin negligee and wears the split-crotch panties underneath.

She then strolls between her husband and the telly, and suggestively tosses one leg up on his chair arm.

"Hi there, Sweetie. Would you like some of this?" Betty purrs.

"Are you kidding me, woman?" her hubby says. "I mean, look what it did to your underwear!"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with: Spirits of the Dead
A poem by Edgar Allan Poe

Thy soul shall find itself alone
Mid dark thoughts of the grey tombstone -
Not one of all the crowd to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy:

Be silent in that solitude
Which is not loneliness - for then
The spirits of the dead who stood
In life before thee are again
In death around thee - and their will
Shall then overshadow thee: be still

For the night - tho clear - shall frown
And the stars shall look not down
From their high thrones in the Heaven
With light like Hope to mortals given -
But their red orbs without beam
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee for ever:

Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish -
Now are visions neer to vanish -
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more - like dew-drop from the grass:

The breeze - the breath of God - is still
And the mist upon the hill
Shadowy - shadowy - yet unbroken
Is a symbol and a token -
How it hangs upon the trees
A mystery of mysteries!

=

The Horrors of Halloween

How truly happy are those boys and girls
That all receive bright mints in spooky shapes
Or zany lollipops with rainbow swirls
To hold or eat in hokey hats or capes
Yes it is fun to do that to forget
But I am hapless as a half-believer -
Yet in a fashion I do not regret
For all that feel the bitter truth will shiver
That shadow on those homes then overwhelms -
Death tensely keeps its hold on those limp minds
For an indifferent tone spreads through that realm
As each forgetful fool in there turns blind
And that inhuman hush I felt each night
Amid the shadows and on filthy streets
It might foretell a raw and sober fright
When Id encounter some vile ghosts in sheets:
The shy distinguished harbingers of sorrow
They look attentively then scheme to end
The human infestation in their borough
With moody Halloween around the bend
A darkness overtook this hollow globe
And when we choose to yield well be enrobed

[In the spirit of the holiday the anagram really is haunted by a ghost No need to highlight any letters though if youre not seeing it just yet simply squint hard (or unfocus your eyes and stare at the word hapless for a few seconds)]

Happy Halloween!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL (PART II)
By
Pink Floyd

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! teachers! leave them kids alone!
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! teachers! leave us kids alone!
All in all you're just a another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just a another brick in the wall.

"Wrong, do it again!"
"Wrong, do it again!"
"If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. how can you
Have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"
"You! yes, you behind the bikesheds, stand still laddy!"
=

LEAVE OUR KATE ALONE
By
Her Majesty

One don't want no degradation
No camera-hounders on the prowl
No vulgar pics in a bad French mag
Stalkers, leave our Kate alone
Hey! stalker! leave our Kate alone
Bloody hell, you know she's just an innocent girl.

She don't need continual hounding
Like they did with Lady Di
Robbed of liberty and life, oh
Stalkers, leave our Kate alone
Hey! stalker! leave our Kate alone
Bloody hell, you know she's just an innocent girl.

(rap)
You did do wrong
Now, let her be
The juicy pics
God, they ain't chic
That's rude and sick
And cynical, we ain't amused
With all that clinical attitude
A timid, newly-married woman
Needs a chance, she's only human
Y'all show some dedication
Not that uncouth titillation
She ain't no Harry
Let her tarry!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
A nice, tight pussy =
It isn't cheap guys.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
She shouted at me and tried to fight me... =
That dreaded time of the month, I guess!