Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2013

All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2013 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The Simpsons: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie =
Matt Groening has made prime roles a big smash!

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom =
Meek fellow to a grand old man.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet, Springtime =
Pictured a single moment.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Why American Football Is Better Than World Football

1. Because brute force is actually a part of this game and not considered a 'foul';
2. Because you can see all that action and players up close and don't feel like you're watching the whole game from a blimp;
3. Because our football games involve some complicated gameplay and a lot of strategies, as opposed to just a bunch of playground shin-kicking and spitting;
4. Because our half-time shows often involve Beyonce bouncing around in a thong and not some stupid field maintenance;
5. Because all the games end with a SCORE, for Pete's sake, and not in nil-nil after ninety minutes!

=

Why World Football Is Better Than American Football

1. Because many of the men are in fact fit enough to do a few sit ups and run a couple of laps;
2. Because those chaps are also unlikely to put on a helmet and nine hundred tons of immense protective gear like US players;
3. Because the famous World Cup final is indeed watched GLOBALLY and not just in America;
4. Because this game contains two forty-five-minute sets of thrilling, non-stop action, as opposed to one unremarkable second before cutting to a sickening commercial;
5. Because playing this game actually involves a foot and a bleeding ball, not a hand and a bloody egg!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND
1. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
2. With a Little Help from My Friends
3. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
4. Getting Better
5. Fixing a Hole
6. She's Leaving Home
7. Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite!
8. Within You Without You
9. When I'm Sixty-Four
10. Lovely Rita
11. Good Morning Good Morning
12. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise)
13. A Day in the Life
=
1. "It was twenty years ago today!"
2. Highlighted Billy Shears is Ringo
3. Expect mirth if planning the trip
4. "Can't get no worse!" rebuff*
5. "And wonder why they don't get in my door!"
6. If people elope...
7. Exhibit Henry the Horse in public!
8. Get George's sitar hymn
9. Inspire old members then
10. Flippant Paul met Ms. Davies**
11. Kellogg's Corn Flakes hubbub***
12. Billy's fulfilment
13. "I'd love to turn you on."

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We dont serve ropes here." The rope walks out, ties a knot in the middle of his body, brushes the stray fibers at the ends, and goes back inside.
=
Assessing the rope's defined waist sash and liberated short end bits, the bartender observes, "Hey, you look like the bastard I threw out!" The rope answers back, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
After great pain a formal feeling comes--
The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions--was it He that bore?
And yesterday--or centuries before?

The feet, mechanical, go round
A wooden way
Of ground, or air, or ought,
Regardless grown,
A quartz contentment, like a stone.

This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow--
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.

=

Briefly Reflecting On Grief

Restoring someone dreamed in art
Eventually did cure dark hearts;
Creations touch a warmth I lost,
Uniting me with harmless ghosts,
Perhaps because their quiet flare
Ensures I am not frozen there.
Relief felt after stress can be
A power which enables me
To go on when I feel quite rotten;
It's out of sight, yet not forgotten:
None of the scars and hazards could
Get me to overlook the Good.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:

Being old with mum - A verse to fifty-nine (which I now am)*

My mother died this date ten years ago
And much of me is drawn toward the loss
'X' is the mark of how I feel, to know
It meant absent or ten or even cross.
No child is wont to think when one is small
Each human life is precious but so brief.
Loss which occurs, have no regret at all
Let not the soul be e'er consumed with grief.
So thus can Sir, which art a reaper grim
Then rob the widower of his wife dear;
Unabashed job, horrid even for Him.
Raise the bowed head and face a future where,
Dare to be true, be quick, be good, be brave;
You're worth your mother's pride beyond the grave.

=

Sonnet LIX by William Shakespeare

If there be nothing new, but that which is
Hath been before, how are our brains beguiled,
Which, labouring for invention, bear amiss
The second burden of a former child!
O, that record could with a backward look,
Even of five hundred courses of the sun,
Show me your image in some antique book,
Since mind at first in character was done!
That I might see what the old world could say
To this composed wonder of your frame;
Whether we are mended, or whether better they,
Or whether revolution be the same.
O, sure I am, the wits of former days
To subjects worse have given admiring praise.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
One evening, after a night at the theatre, two gentlemen were strolling down the street when they observed a well-dressed and attractive young lady walking in front of them. One of the men turned to the other and remarked, "I would happily pay $250 to spend the night with that woman."

Much to their surprise, the lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."

She had a smart appearance and pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the lady back to her apartment.

The following morning, as he was preparing to leave, the man handed her $125. The lady asked for the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give it to me, I'm prepared to sue you for it."

He laughed and challenged her: "Oh, I'd like to see you succeed on these grounds."

Within a few days, he was surprised to receive a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He sped off to his lawyer and reported the full details of the case to him.

The lawyer said, "She can't possibly get judgement against you on such improbable grounds, but it'll be interesting to see just how her case will be presented."

The man duly appeared in court and the lady's lawyer delivered his preliminary address to the court as follows: "Your Honour, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by quite a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250.

"The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not unduly high, since it's restricted property, and we request that judgement be granted against the defendant to obtain full payment of the balance."
~
The defendant's lawyer was not only surprised but also impressed and amused by the unusual way his esteemed opponent had presented the case. Naturally, his defence would need to be rather different from the way he was originally aiming to present it. But he rose to the occasion.

"Your Honour," he said, "My client agrees that the young lady has a desirable piece of property, and that he did rent such property for a time and, in fairness, a good degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client located a well on the property, around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labour being carried out personally by him. We suggest these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid sum, and that the plaintiff was generously compensated for the rental of said property. We therefore ask that judgement not be granted."

The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your Honour, my client agrees that the defendant did indeed find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the said property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him too. In doing so, he not only dragged his equipment through the surrounding shrubbery, thus disarranging it, but he left the hole looking significantly larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property less desirable to others. We therefore ask, again, that judgement be granted for the agreed original sum of $250."

In his assessment and ruling, the Judge provided for two options: "A) Choose to pay the plaintiff the $125 balance you owe, or: B) Have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages."

The defendant wrote out a check immediately.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
A foot-long erection =
Too large to confine.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The aroused man =
Use hand or mate.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Why does Liberace have a resemblance to fir trees? =
Well, I see they're both scared of American beavers!

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Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2013

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY