Anagrammy Placegetters for February 2014

All the highly-placed anagrams from the February 2014 Anagrammy Awards.

[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Disqualified

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The First Step to World Peace =
"Stop!" I reflected, "Stop the war!"

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The can of sardines =
A dense fish carton.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The fast-food restaurant chain McDonald's =
Adults faced months of constant diarrhea.

2nd - Jason Lofts with:
Microsoft Internet Explorer =
Moron's free explicit torrent.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Listerine Antiseptic Mouthwash =
I must rinse with that special one.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
=
Trustful
Rare (very!)
Unselfish ego
Enhances face
Looks ahead
Obvious heat
Vowed in wedlock
Ethical

2nd - Magrano Magakean with:
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
=
Should fickle love's deficit savagely wound us, what can relieve the onerous aches of a broken heart?

Eq3rd - Larry Brash with:
True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld
=
Oh, a shock how lucky the two different genders are able to have survived a life as one social nucleus.

Eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
"True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen." -Francois de La Rochefoucauld
=
I've seen one! She was a scorcher; full-curved; what a butt! I fell in love...
Ok... did he say 'seen a 'goat' or...?
Oh... fuck.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
I have a little test for you! It requires speed, but it's not that hard. Try to name the color of these things as fast as possible:

Cloud

Snow

A piece of paper

Oreo filling

Are you done? Great! Now say the name of that color aloud eight times fast.

QUICK!!! WHAT DO COWS DRINK?

No, weirdo, that's not true at all. You see, cows drink water, not milk.

=

If you liked that, here's another really nice trick (but this will also require speed). Repeat the following words to yourself:

Host

Most

Ghost

Roast

Coast

All done? Phenomenal! Now repeat the word Coast five times fast.

QUICK!!! WHAT DO YOU PUT IN A TOASTER?

No, I'm afraid you got confused again. We stick bread in the toaster, not toast.

2nd - nedesto with:
A young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a relatively straightforward lawsuit whereupon he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.

While St. Peter asked him inside he began complaining that his death had got to be some kind of mistake. "Wait! I'm much too young to be dead! Why I'm only thirty!"

St. Peter agreed that thirty seemed to be very young to enter the pearly gates, and finally agreed that he'd check on his case.

When St. Peter returned, he cooly told the attorney, "Well my son, I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours..."

"We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to all of your clients: You are a hundred and two!"

=

One morning in court, one attorney looked at the other, "You do look truly bushed this morning!"

The other lawyer said despondently, "I got up with this most beastly headache yesterday morning and no matter what, I can't get rid of the damned thing."

The first lawyer shrugged. "When I get terrible headaches, I take a few hours off during the day, go home, and make passionate love to my stunningly beautiful wife. Works every time for me," he said.

Later that afternoon, the two lawyers met. The first assured the second, "You seem much better!"

The second replied happily, "Yes, that was brilliant advice you gave me. And you have got an absolutely beautiful house too, by the way."

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Two Irishmen, Mick and Clearie, are standing at the foot of a flagpole, looking up at it.

A blonde comes by and asks the men what they're doing.

Mick replies scornfully, 'Well, blondie, we're supposed to be foinding out da height of dis flagpole, but they forgot to give us any ladders.'

The girl immediately produces an adjustable wrench from her bag, loosens a few nuts and bolts and lays the pole down.

She then produces a tape measure from her coat pocket, takes a few measurements, and announces that it is exactly 18ft 6 inches.

Then she marches off.

Mick says to Clearie, 'Now ain't dat just loike a female! We need da hoight and she gives us da bloody length.'

=

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

'Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Matt Keegan. Welcome to Flight BA186, from London Heathrow to Barbados. We've got good weather ahead, so it should be an uneventful flight. Just sit back, get relaxed, and we.... OH, MY GOD!'

Dead silence followed.

Some moments later, Capt. Keegan came back on the intercom.

'Ladies and gentlemen, sorry if I scared you when I stopped speaking just now, but a stewardess spilled a cup of hot coffee on my lap. Hell, you should see the front of my pants!'

One Irish passenger yelled...

'For f**k's sake, man ... you should see the back of mine!'

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Love at the lips was touch
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much;
I lived on air

That crossed me from sweet things
The flow of — was it musk
From hidden grapevine springs
Downhill at dusk?

I had the swirl and ache
From sprays of honeysuckle
That when they're gathered shake
Dew on the knuckle.

I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.

Now no joy but lacks salt
That is not dashed with pain
And weariness and fault;
I crave the stain

Of tears, the aftermark
Of almost too much love,
The sweet of bitter bark
And burning clove.

=
His Kiss Her Kiss

His hands are very weak and wet Her features glow as she lies back,
As he advances awkwardly, And drops her guard for some sweet fling;
And knows just that he mustn't fret, He nervously planned to attack
And either ace this test or flee. And now, at last, it's happening.
But what if she will think his moves A golden moment would be good;
Are too intense... or not enough? Indeed, we want to be impressed -
So much to do with much to prove; But errors won't affect her mood:
It can be wise if he acts tough... That crafty move is not a test -
Chicks actually love that stuff. It's how he'd manage all the rest.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
An unusual new store has opened in Georgia, America, where a woman may go to buy a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. It says:

'You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the husbands increases as you ascend each flight.
You, the customer may select any item from a particular floor, or you may elect to go up to the next level but you can not go back down except to exit the building!'

A young woman went to the Husband Store to try and find a husband. On the first floor the sign said:

Floor ONE - These Men Are All Employed.

She was intrigued, but continued to the second floor anyway, where the sign read:

Floor TWO - These Men Are All Employed and Like Children.

'That's quite nice,' she thought, 'but I'd want more.'

So she continued upward. The third floor sign said:

Floor THREE - These Men are all Employed in Secure Jobs, Love Children, and are Very Good Looking.

'Wow!' she thought, but felt compelled to keep going.

She got to the fourth floor and the sign said:

Floor FOUR - These Men all Have Secure Jobs, Love Children, are Very Good Looking and Like Helping With Housework.

'My!' she exclaimed, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she went up to the fifth floor, where the sign said:

Floor FIVE - These Men all Have A Secure Job that Pays Them Very Well, They Love Children, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Like Helping With the Housework, Have a Strong Romantic Streak, and they are all Very Faithful.

She was tempted to stay, but went up to the final floor anyway, where the sign read:

Floor SIX - You are visitor Eighteen-million five-hundred-and-twenty-eight thousand-and-twenty-nine to this level. There aren't any men here. This floor exists as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for visiting the Husband Store. Please exit to the right to make space for more unreasonable customers!

To avoid any gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. Similar instructions were posted at the entrance to this store as well.

The first level says: Wives that Enjoy Sex.

The second says: Wives that Enjoy Sex and Have Their Own Money and Like To Have a Drink.

Apparently, the third, fourth, fifth and sixth levels have never been visited.

=

A boatload of wealthy tourists stopped at a remote Mexican fishing village.

One of the tourists complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took them to catch them.

"Not very long." they answered in unison.

"So why don't you stay out longer and catch more?"

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to cover their needs and those of their families.

"But how do you spend the rest of your time?" asked the tourist.

"Oh, we sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, have siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go over to the village tavern to see our friends, have a drink or two, play the guitar, relax and sing some songs. We have a good, stress-free life."

The tourist interrupted, "Look, I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should begin by fishing for longer every day.

"You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can purchase extra, even bigger, boats."

"And after that?"

"Ok; with the extra money those larger boats earn, you can purchase second boats and third boats and so on until you possess a whole fleet of trawlers.

"Then, instead of just selling the fish to middle-men," he expounded, "you can negotiate direct with the processing plants, or perhaps even open a plant of your own! You can then leave this remote village and move to Mexico City, or Los Angeles, or even good old New York! From there you'll be able to direct the whole enterprise."

"So, just how long would that take?"

"Oh, we're only looking at perhaps twenty years or so," replied the tourist.

"And then?"

"And then? Oh, Jesus, that's when it becomes even more exciting!" exclaimed the tourist. "When the business gets really enormous, you can then start to buy and sell stocks and shares, make several million and end up as major shareholders!"

"Several million? Goodness! And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire to a remote village on the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, have siestas with your wives and spend the odd evening drinking and enjoying a stress-free life with your friends."

“But that’s just what we do now,” observed the fishermen.

And the moral of the story is:

Know where you're going in life... You might already be there!
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
MY FUNNY VALENTINE
By
Frank Sinatra

My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you're my favourite work of art

Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don't change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is valentines day

Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don't you change one hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is valentines day
=

MY TONY VALENTINE
Sung by
Wendi Deng (a fan)

My Tony valentine
How can I make you mine
If you love Cherie amour?
Your butt is like a peach
Soft, furry, outta reach
Which makes me yearn for you much more.

In that natty suit you're svelte,
Yes, it's made of silk, what else!
And your trousers will be felt
I guarantee!

Your eyes are a piercing blue
Your skin a rare orange hue
Stay Mr 'Valentine' Blair
Let's have a foreign affair!

Oh, I love that gallant streak
And your mouth kissing my cheek
Yet, when you open it to speak
Does it lie?

You are my total fantasy
So top up that tan for me
Fly to me Tony, okay?
Valentine, let's run away!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
I am instantly orgasmic =
Man against my clitoris.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Saw the sodomy in the state prison cell... =
So that's why it's termed PENAL-COLONies!

3rd - nedesto with:
The diseased vagina =
I have end-stage AIDS.

[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]

Home	\| The Anagrammy Awards \| Enter the Forum \| Facebook \| The Team
Information	\| Awards Rules \| Forum FAQ \| Anagrams FAQ \| History \| Articles
Resources	\| Anagram Artist Software \| Generators \| On-line \| Books \| Websites
Archive	\| Winners \| Nominations \| Hall of Fame \| Anagrammasia \| Literary
Competition	\| Vote \| Current Nominations \| Leader Board \| Latest Results \| Old Results \| Rankings
Miscellaneous	\| Tribute Page \| Records \| Sitemap \| Search \| Anagram Checker \| Email Us \| Donate
Anagrammy Awards	© 1998-2024 Last updated 10th May, 2016

Anagrammy Placegetters for February 2014

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY