Anagrammy Placegetters for June 2017

All the highly-placed anagrams from the June 2017 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - View with:
Fidget spinner =
Fingertips' end.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" ~
is a gutsy cry for tenacity and fortitude.

3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
A neutron walks into a bar. "How much for gin?", he says. ~
A fun barman answers this: "Look, with you, no charge."

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet =
All like his enamored pair...just awesome!

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hamlet by William Shakespeare =
A play I am asks me whether I'll be

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The "Sistine Madonna" by Raphael =
Phenomenal! Yes, his art ain't bad.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Paris climate deal =
Halt rapid sea-ice melt.

2nd - Christopher Davis with:
Despite the constant negative press covfefe =
His Staff Protected Soviet Agents - Even Pence!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The Grenfell Tower's fire =
Enter Hell: grief for West.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Camilla Rosemary Shand =
I'm a lady on Charles's arm.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Saint Christopher ~
is hitchers' patron.

3rd - Christopher Davis with:
Donald Trump, President of the United States =
Russian toddler! He attempts to defend Putin!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Irritable bowel syndrome =
Bloat blows in my derriere.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Trump administration
Truth in media's important.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
All-new Ford Fiesta ~
offers all I wanted.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The Ten Neglected Senses
1. Balance
2. Motion
3. Pressure
4. Itch
5. Pain
6. Fatigue
7. Breathing
8. Temperature
9. Appetite
10. Expulsion
=
Phenomena
1. e.g. React in a boat
2. Feel speed
3. Stress
4. Tingling
5. Ouch!/Numb
6. Tire
7. Inspire, pant
8. Heat
9. Lust, eat it up
10. Excrete/pee

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. 'Two beers, one for me plus the giraffe's'.
They drink heavily until eventually the animal ~
keels over. When the guy gets up to walk away, barman Bill frets: 'You ain't leavin'
that lyin' here.' 'Him? A lion? It's a giraffe, duffer!'

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
"Whatever you do, do it with bravado. Use colorful language, historical nonsense. Liven an unseen agenda with half truths. Diss or threaten known women, arrogantly fire anyone, and tweet about it." (Donald J. Trump)

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
Phineas Taylor Barnum (late),
When found in his wiki entry
It tells us all was far from great;
A slave-owner in the nineteenth century.

I've read enough and judge "Oh no, not good!"
And vow not to act as our bastard would.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and never deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now." (P. T. Barnum)
=
"If work I dread has to be done (laundry or the front lawn), I concentrate to finish as soon as possible. That way, I have new time on hand to unwind, enjoy nature, volunteer, travel, grow, laugh, and snuggle." (Mature Adult)

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A man hadnt had sex with his wife for 8 years so the wife went to their doctor and said, Have you got anything I can give to my husband to pep him up a bit?

The doctor said, Ill give you 30 tablets, one for every day of the month, but they are quite strong so make sure he doesnt take more than one at a time.

The next morning the wife rang him and said, I gave my husband those tablets just like you said.

I see - how many did you give him? asked the doctor.

Well, she said, I thought he was particularly in need of them so I gave him the lot!

No! gasped the doctor. "What happened?"

Well, we were sitting down calmly eating dinner and I think the tablets must have started working because he suddenly jumped up, pulled the tablecloth off the table and the dishes all crashed to the floor, there was broken china everywhere. Then he ripped my panties off, bent me over the table and proceeded to make love to me for three hours!

Well I am sorry to hear about all those dishes, said the doctor.

Oh, dont worry too much, she replied; we wont be going near that restaurant again.

=

At 8.30 a.m. the English wife said to her husband: "I'm in the mood for bacon and eggs. Would you like some?"

He declined. "No thanks, sweetheart, truth is I'm not that hungry right now. It's the Viagra," he sighed. "It seems to have rather taken the edge off my appetite."

Three hours later, she enquired whether or not he wanted anything to eat or drink for elevenses, but she got exactly the same reply.

At lunchtime, she again asked if he'd like to have some food to eat. "What about a lovely bowl of tomato soup with hot, buttered muffins or perhaps a toasted cheese and ham sandwich with it?"

He declined, and explained to her: "Sorry, dear, but that Viagra has badly blunted my appetite."

Dinnertime came and she wondered whether or not he wanted to have anything to eat now. "Wouldn't you just love to have a juicy rib eye steak? Or perhaps some roast chicken followed by apple pie with double cream?"

He declined once more. Sorry," he added. it has to be the Viagra that's responsible; I'm still not that hungry."

"Well," she said, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving!"

2nd - Ellie Dent with:

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped,
and spent time examining the tracks closely.

The first lawyer announced:

'Those are deer tracks. It is deer season, so we should go and follow the tracks
if we are to find our prey.'

But the second lawyer responded:

'No, they are obviously elk tracks, and elk are out of season.

~

If we follow your advice, frankly I fear we'll maybe waste a day,' he spoke out acidly.

'A day? No. Nonsense!' he protested.

Each attorney reckoned he, an expert, possessed solid proof. Or knew better: he was in
fact a superior woodsman. So cross, unrepentant too, they stuck to their guns: result,
deadlock.

And they were still arguing when the train struck them.

3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
=
Around eighty seven years in since our ancestors both wrote the Declaration of Independence, and had a revolution that forced a consequent important right to be fair to all.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
THE GODFATHER OF GREEK PHILOSOPHY.

Keep this philosophy in mind every time you hear, or are thinking of spreading, a rumour.

Back in ancient Greece in 420BC, Socrates had become widely known and lauded for his wisdom.

One day the acclaimed philosopher chanced upon a favoured acquaintance, who dashed up to him excitedly and announced, "Hey, Socrates! Do you know what I've heard about one of your students...?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Now, before you tell me, I would like you to take a small test. It is called the Test of Three."

"The Test of Three?"

"That's right," Socrates replied. "Before talking of my student let us take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is: Truth. Have you made sure that what you're going to tell me is true?"

"No," the man replied, "in fact, I have only just heard about it myself."

"Right then," added Socrates. "So you don't really know if it is even true. And now let us try the second test: the Test of Goodness. Is what you're intending to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"Right," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you don't know for certain if it's true?

The man looked down awkwardly at his feet, and it was obvious he was now growing decidedly embarrassed.

The wise Socrates continued: "You may still pass though because there is a third and final test, named the Filter of Usefulness. Now, is what you wish to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"Er, I think, probably not..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to relate is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, then why even tell me at all?"

The man was now deflated and ashamed, and he decided that he'd say no more.

And this is why Socrates was a great philosopher and why he was held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

=

THE GODMOTHER OF BRITISH SENSELESSNESS

Dear Son,

I am writing slowly because I know you can't read too fast.

We do not live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I can't send you the exact address, as those snooty folk that lived here last took the house numbers when they left so they wouldn't need to change their address.

This place is really nice though. It's actually got a washing machine! I'm not sure that it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen it since.

The weather's not too bad here. It only rained twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days.

The coat I said I'd send you, your Uncle George said it would be a little too heavy to send by mail with those metal buttons on, so I cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got another cross letter from the funeral people today. They said if we can't settle the last payment on Gran's grave, up she comes.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were quite worried because it took him two hours to get me and Oona out.

Your sister Sal had a baby this morning but I haven't actually found out the sex yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. If it's a girl Sal is going to name it after me and call her Ma.

Your Uncle Stan fell into a whisky vat last Thursday. Some guys tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had Stan cremated and he burned for 4 days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Gus was driving. He managed to roll down the window and get out, but your two friends in the back drowned because they could not get the tailgate open.

There's no more news at this time, son. Nothing much has happened.

Love,
Ma

P.S. Oh, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
A woman flashing her titties=
Oh! I learnt that image is 'NSFW' :-(

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
If you want to have work-life balance ~
obey a vital life - fuck a wanton whore.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
My unexpected erections ~
exercised one empty cunt!

The Anagrammy Awards