Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2017
All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2017 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
A substitute for meat =
Tofu. Same attributes.
2nd - David Bourke with:
A "do not resuscitate" order =
To reassure a doctor - "End it".
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Easily improvising a costume for Halloween =
Noisy lies, whole face's orange... voila, I'm Trump!
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
The singer Thomas Earl Petty =
Simply the greatest on Earth.
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
"Come on a safari with me" ~
to show me Africa, I mean.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
USA still fears ~
assault rifles.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
American gun laws =
Causing new alarm.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
Sir Paul McCartney of The Beatles =
Rich man. Real poet. Lefty bass. Cute.
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The producer Harvey Weinstein =
Denounce this haywire pervert!
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
American pianist, Thelonious Sphere Monk =
A musician - oh, none like him past or present!
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Reynolds Wrap Aluminum Foil =
Wall up your mind from aliens!
2nd - View with:
Amstel =
Ales ™
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem's Old City =
Jesu toiled miles on his road to Calvary.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
Harvey: A strong tropical hurricane remembered for destroying Houston, Texas, resulting in several casualties.
=
Harvey: One old pervert is in great trouble; terrorised young nice stars accusing him later of sexual harassment.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
I went to a most beautiful place yesterday.
There were blossoms and roses, blue sky, birds upon high, Moet champagne to drink,
~
blueberry tart, cream to eat; bees midst the sunny gardens, books and cheerful songs.
Oh, I was happy ... till some idiot woke me up.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
My wife told me, "Sex is better on holiday." That was not a nice postcard to receive.
=
Bravo! A comedy sex classic. Tittered when I heard it. Wet myself at one point too!
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Josiah Winslow with:
American President Theodore Roosevelt wrote: "Speak softly and carry a big stick. You will go far."
=
Donald Trump tweets: "I yell bigly, raise or provoke a great chaos, and cry 'fake news' too! So terrific!"
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
American President Theodore Roosevelt wrote: "Speak softly and carry a big stick. You will go far."
=
"I know! I prefer to carry a big stick and hoist myself to get one easy world record as a pole vaulter."
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
American President Theodore Roosevelt wrote: "Speak softly and carry a big stick. You will go far."
=
"Take control? Lord! Flop-eared wreck Boris is far too stupid. Anyway I've got nicer legs" - Theresa May
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A wealthy attorney parked his brand new Porsche in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he was getting out, a truck came hurtling down the road and completely ripped off the driver's door.
A passing cop was near enough to witness the incident and drew in, lights flashing, behind the now door-less Porsche.
Before he was able to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about his precious Porsche being ruined and that it would never be the same again.
The cop shook his head in amazement, "I don't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You're so focused on your expensive possessions that you forget the truly important things in life."
"Why do you think that?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Well, don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"
"OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer... "My Rolex!"
=
After a few beers down at our popular local pub, The Crowing Cockerel, the conversation turned to who owned the most expensive watch. I showed mine first.
"Okay, you see this amazing beauty? It's a Rolex Oyster, worth a cool three grand," I announced cockily.
My pal Henry smiled and pointed to his wrist. "Oh, yes? See this? It's an elite white gold Patek Phillipe and I happily paid the best part of twenty-five grand for it a year ago."
This evoked several 'oohs' and 'ahs' of astonishment from the locals around us.
Then my other pal Gary rolled up his sleeve to show us his watch. "Gee, you guys, those prices are chicken feed," he snorted . "You see this? It cost me two-hundred-thousand."
Henry and I were stunned into silence. We stared at Gary's arm for a while longer then I said gently: "But Gary, that's only a basic Casio Quartz."
"Yeah, I know," he sighed. "My former wife bought it for me then found it in her sister's bed."
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A large grizzly bear,
An eager millionaire,
A portly omnivore!
Go lock the door!
A heel so quirky,
A chap gone crazy,
Ursus horribilis
Stealing a golden kiss.
The jerk sees a need
To mate and breed.
A reproductive habit
Like a bunny rabbit!
Ungentlemanly leer,
Sneak a hand in here!
An illegal game:
Hug or lay a nice name.
A menace, a predator,
One mean masturbator.
Planning attacks,
An urge to climax.
Ask a survivor,
He's a slave driver.
Don't ejaculate,
Just hibernate!
These are the women who have accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual harassment ~
Asia Argento
Lysette Anthony
Lucia Evans
Gwyneth Paltrow
Mira Sorvino
Rosanna Arquette
Ambra Battilana Gutierrez
Zoe Brock
Katherine Kendall
Tomi-Ann Roberts
Ashley Judd
Emma de Caunes
Romola Garai
Rose McGowan
Lauren Sivan
Liza Campbell
Léa Seydoux
Claire Forlani
Erika Rosenbaum
Louisette Geiss
Cara Delevingne
Sophie Dix
Eva Green
Myleene Klass
Heather Graham
Lupita Nyong’o
Lena Headey
Angie Everhart
Vu Thu Phuong
Jessica Barth
Heather Kerr
Kate Beckinsale
Alice Evans
Amber Anderson
Judith Godrèche.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The Alligator Shoes
A young blonde, Zoe, was on vacation in June in the depths of Louisiana. She badly wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes but was very reluctant to pay the sky-high prices the particular vendors wanted. After getting very frustrated with the attitude of one bumbling, skinflint shopkeeper, the blonde shouted: 'I think maybe I'll just go now and catch myself an alligator so that I can get some shoes at a reasonable, worthwhile price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'Oh, be my guest. Maybe you will catch a big one!'
Determined, the blonde turned and headed North for the swamps, set on catching an alligator.
~
Later, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted poor Zoe ahead, standing uncomfortably waist deep in water, a shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge, savage-toothed alligator, ten foot big, swimming rapidly toward her. Oh boy! Then, coolly, she took aim. She killed it, then successfully hauled it onto the bank. Lying nearby were several more spectacular alligators. Fascinating 'beauties' certainly, but dead.
The shopkeeper watched uncomfortably, fascinated but flabbergasted. Just then, the blonde flipped that alligator over, shouting out in annoyance:
'DAMN IT, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!'
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
POEM - A STRANGE WILD SONG
By
Lewis Carroll
He thought he saw an Elephant
That practised on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife.
'At length I realize,' he said,
'The bitterness of life! '
He thought he saw a Buffalo
Upon the chimney-piece:
He looked again, and found it was
His Sister's Husband's Niece.
'Unless you leave this house,' he said,
'I'll send for the police! '
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake
That questioned him in Greek:
He looked again, and found it was
The Middle of Next Week.
'The one thing I regret,' he said,
'Is that it cannot speak! '
He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk
Descending from the bus:
He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus.
'If this should stay to dine,' he said,
'There won't be much for us! '
He thought he saw a Kangaroo
That worked a Coffee-mill:
He looked again, and found it was
A Vegetable-Pill.
'Were I to swallow this,' he said,
'I should be very ill! '
He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four
That stood beside his bed:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bear without a Head.
'Poor thing,' he said, 'poor silly thing!
It's waiting to be fed! '
He thought he saw an Albatross
That fluttered round the lamp:
He looked again, and found it was
A Penny-Postage Stamp.
'You'd best be getting home,' he said:
'The nights are very damp! '
He thought he saw a Garden-Door
That opened with a key:
He looked again, and found it was
A Double Rule of Three:
'And all its mystery,' he said,
'Is clear as day to me! '
He thought he saw a Argument
That proved he was the Pope:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bar of Mottled Soap.
'A fact so dread,' he faintly said,
'Extinguishes all hope! '
=
PITIABLE TALES OF PIFFLE,
WAFFLE, A FIDDLE AND A NUDE
He thought he saw an eerie life-form
At large in Vermont,
He looked again to see that it
Was Donald Trump's bouffant.
'There's more hair on that head,' he said,
'Than any chap could want.'
He thought he saw the largest book
That anyone had seen.
He looked again to see it was the
EU rules on beans.
'At least when Brexit comes,' he said,
'Those beans'll be has-beans.'
He thought he saw a sheet upon a
Broomstick, standin' proud,
He looked again to see it was
Dead Hefner in a shroud.
'He laid a lot of gals,' he wailed,
'It shouldn't be allowed.'
He thought he saw a shark's face peeping
Through a glassy sea,
He looked again to find 'twas
Tony Blair back on TV,
'Ah, thank God it is him,' he quipped,
'I feared it was Cherie!'
He thought he saw a zipper
Lying cast-off on the ground,
He looked again to see Rod Stewart
With his trousers down.
'Do ya think I'm sexy?' Rod yelled,
'Is my bum too round?'
He thought he saw Dame Elton
Singin' 'Candle In The Wind',
He looked again to see it was
Peace-hating despot Kim,
Reciting Elton's 'Rocket Man',
How pitiful of him!
He thought he saw eleven muppets
Sittin' on a green,
He looked again and saw that it was
England's football team.
'With these failed, puffed-up oafs', he huffed,
'The World Cup's but a dream.'
He though he saw a fiddler,
A-fiddlin' on a roof,
He looked again to see fat
Gary Glitter in his youth
'I've always liked a fiddle,' said
Bad Gary (so uncouth!)
He thought he saw at Asda, Poplar,
A sight a tad rude.
He looked again to see it was
The vicar in the nude.
'That's odd,' he said, 'I thought he shopped
'At Sainsbury's in Bude!'
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Tom Myers with:
Female organs ~
feel an orgasm.
2nd - David Bourke with:
The shamed American film producer Harvey Weinstein =
Married man...held up his fat, moist wiener every chance!
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
To tread in something* =
*I mean rotten dog shit.
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