Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2018

All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2018 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - View with:
The arms race ~
creates harm.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
1. Pride
2. Envy
3. Wrath
4. Sloth
5. Greed
6. Gluttony
7. Lust
=
1. Vanity
2. "Why her?"
3. Grr!!!
4. Told: "Get up!"
5-6. Need lots!
7. Slut

3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Environmental destruction =
Lead content mounts in river.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
"...Or the Other!: The 799 Awesomest Anagrams" by T Campbell =
Cash matters... altogether, the man probably owes me $799!

2nd - David Bourke with:
The Irish vocalist Sinéad Marie Bernadette O'Connor =
A hare-brained convert to Islam. Er...I'd section this one!

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A cartel’s bullet? =
Better Call Saul!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
The late soprano Montserrat Caballe =
Lament the lost Barcelona opera star.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The musician George Harrison =
Honor his serene guitar magic.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Russian President Vladimir Putin =
Sin and ruin! Evil-spirited as Trump!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The Big Three: General Motors, Ford, and Fiat Chrysler =
The old bigger cars from those aren't earth-friendly.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The American 'Tree of Life' Synagogue =
I feel the rage of one mean, racist guy.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
International Court of Justice =
Of crucial interest to a joint UN.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Britain's Most Popular Albums Of All Time (per Radio Two)
1. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
2. 21
3. (What's The Story) Morning Glory
=
1. Moptops on music trip
2. Sombre LP by burly feminist stalwart Adele
3. Warring Gallagher brothers unhappy to lose slot to 1. and 2.?

3rd - Brian Taylor with:
Tried to purchase Banksy’s ‘Girl With Balloon’ at the auction ~
but look: he shreds the original art as wanton publicity act!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"With climate change, overdue asteroid strikes, disease outbreaks and population growth, the state of the planet is increasingly precarious."
=
I AGREE.
"Sir, have a care, I appeal, don't despair,
It's distressing, ok, this is true
But one day, together, we'll colonise Mars,
Then we can fuck that up too!"

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
With climate change, overdue asteroid strikes, disease outbreaks and population growth, the state of the planet is increasingly precarious. =
Stephen Hawking had huge idea: "It's imperative to colonise space in a rush... a true 'Space Race'"
Star Trek said it: "Let's boldly go out to new frontiers..."

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
TEN FASCINATING FACTS ABOUT FARTS

1. You produce about 500 to 1,500 millilitres of gas per day, and expel it in 10 to 20 farts.

2. 99 percent of the gas that you produce does not smell.

3. Gum and soda can make you fart more.

4. Farting is the result of a healthy, complex ecosystem in the intestines.

5. There is a simple reason why you don't mind the smell of your own farts.

6. Yes, you can light a fart.

7. No, you can't hold in a fart until it disappears.

8. The product 'Beano' cuts down on gas production by starving the bacteria in the intestines.

9. However, starving your fart-producing bacteria is not a good idea.

10. Why do farts smell?
=

1. It's the same amount of gas as in a 2-litre bottle of soda! You could explode any minute!

2. Thank God!

3. It's because you constantly swallow air.

4. I'll tell this to the other passengers next time I drop a curry-fart in a crowded lift!

5. In time, you get used to that rancid, sulphurous odour around you.

6. Don't try it! Farts contain combustible hydrogen and methane. (See 1. for accompanying danger).

7. That worrying 500-1,500 mls of gas has no place to go; it isn't gonna simply disappear up a stray bypass cranny!

8. It's a fiasco! That $9.90 over-the-counter product is ineffective.

9. Never mess with a fart!

10. For the benefit of the deaf.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

Ten Multiple-Oscar Winning Actors That Are Alive Today

1. Daniel Day-Lewis
2. Meryl Streep
3. Jack Nicholson
4. Robert De Niro
5. Jodie Foster
6. Tom Hanks
7. Dustin Hoffman
8. Michael Caine
9. Cate Blanchett
10. Denzel Washington

=

1. Mr. Lincoln
2. Mrs. Thatcher
3. A Cuckoo's Nest mental ward patient (and the Joker!)
4. The Don in the second Godfather
5. FBI's Clarice
6. Voices little Woody
7. The sweet Rain Man
8. Plays Alfie
9. Blue Jasmine
10. Alonzo in Training Day

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
DIVERSITY

Recently, this large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep warmly during the welcoming briefing, "You will get all the usual benefits and you are more than welcome to go to the handy cafeteria for something to eat. But please, whatever you do, do not on any account eat any of the employees." The cannibals then promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You are all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole of the company's performance.
~
However, a new irregularity, luckily rare, occurred. One of our prettier secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, most murmuring "No."

After the boss left, the grumpy leader of the cannibals said: "Right, which one of you primitive idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose tentatively, "I'm sorry." "Whyever?? Well really, you fool!" the leader continued fiercely, "For four weeks we've been eating many maturer, mostly thick managers and no one noticed. But now, you nitwit, had to go and eat someone smart, an active, irreplaceable woman who actually does something."

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

The only Ghost I ever saw
Was dressed in Mechlin - so -
He wore no sandal on his foot -
And stepped like flakes of snow -

His Gait - was soundless, like the Bird -
But rapid - like the Roe -
His fashions, quaint, Mosaic -
Or haply, Mistletoe -

His conversation - seldom -
His laughter, like the Breeze -
That dies away in Dimples
Among the pensive Trees -

Our interview - was transient -
Of me, himself was shy -
And God forbid I look behind -
Since that appalling Day!

[By Emily Dickinson]

=

This Date of Evil Sin

A kid walks by my door
In his deranged apparel:
A poncho drenched in gore;
Big gun with double barrels.
His smiles do make me think
Of evil real-life villains -
Those fiendish sins that link
Kids-stuff with gloom and killin'.
One squad of white-sheet sprites
Zooms past me on a mission;
How can this precious sight
Be one sad apparition?
It's Halloween, I'd say -
Yet this can't be the reason;
The way we roll these days,
We're demons every season.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
OCTOBER
Poem by Oskar Hansen

The tenth month
October has psychological problems as it doesn't
belong anywhere, nor summer or winter? That
is why it gets hot at noon and cold in the evening
having read bad reviews all day long,
October has an inferiority complex doesn't accept
critics, sees it as a personal attack and then it gets
resentful send bucket full of rains on foe and friends
alike. But October has a soft inner heart, sentimental
too, so speak softly to it and it will be your friend.

=

CAN'T REAP WITH DEBTS YOU OWE

If nothing's in the tomb, there are no stillborn fragments one can possess—don't you see?
A recovering alcoholic can't drink rum, gin or crap cocktails in that intended Land of Tea.
Damn the bills and convert the scraps; do let it flow, bottles of eau.

If it's dissonant and strange, it's impossible to be what one is cracked to be.
Don't play the saxophone or bang the timbales if you ain't Kenny G nor Sheila E.
Control the banks, settle a loss; you're very far from where they are.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Get her hands upon my genitalia, perhaps? =
The "happy ending" in the massage parlour.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

Get rid of this 'Hot-Whores.net' later by ~
deleting the history of that browser!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Taking off your clothes =
I felt so horny, got a fuck!