Long Anagram by Meyran Kraus
Hello - My name is Johnathon Rourke, I'm from Rhode Island.
The enclosed information is something I almost let slip through my fingers. Fortunately, sometime later I re-read everything and gave some thought and study to it. Two years ago, the corporation I worked for the past twelve years down-sized and my position was eliminated. After unproductive job interviews, I decided to open my own business. Over the past year, I incurred many unforeseen financial problems. I owed my family, friends and creditors over $35,000. The economy was taking a toll on my business and I just couldn't seem to make ends meet. I had to refinance and borrow against my home to support my family and struggling business.
AT THAT MOMENT something significant happened in my life. I am writing to share the experience in hopes that this could change your life FOREVER.
FINANCIALLY$$$!!!
In mid December, I received this program in my e-mail. Six months prior to receiving this program I had been sending away for information on various business opportunities. All of the programs I received, in my opinion, were not cost effective. They were either too difficult for me to comprehend or the initial investment was too much for me to risk to see if they would work. But as I was saying, in December of 1997 I received this program. I didn't send for it, or ask for it, they just got my name off a mailing list.
THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!!! After reading it several times, to make sure I was reading it correctly. I couldn't believe my eyes! Here was a MONEY MAKING MACHINE I could start immediately without any debt.
Like most of you I was still a little skeptical and a little worried about the legal aspects of it all. So I checked it out with the U.S. Post Office (1-800-725-2161 24-hrs) and they confirmed that it is indeed legal!
After determining the program was LEGAL I decided "WHY NOT!?!??"
Initially I sent out 10,000 e-mails. It cost me about $15 for my time on-line. The great thing about e-mail is that I don't need any for printing to send out the program, and because I also send the product (reports) by e-mail, my only expense is my time.
In less than one week, I was starting to receive orders for REPORT #1. By January 13, I had received 26 orders for REPORT #1. Your goal is to "RECEIVE at least 20 ORDERS FOR REPORT #1 WITHIN 2 WEEKS. IF YOU DON'T, SEND OUT MORE PROGRAMS UNTIL YOU DO.
My first step in making $50,000 in 90 days was done. By January 30, I had received 196 orders for REPORT #2. Your goal is to "RECEIVE AT LEAST 100+ ORDERS FOR REPORT #2 WITHIN 2 WEEKS. IF NOT, SEND OUT MORE PROGRAMS UNTIL YOU DO. ONCE YOU HAVE 100 ORDERS, THE REST IS EASY, RELAX, YOU WILL MAKE YOUR $50,000 GOAL."
Well, I had 196 orders for REPORT #2. 96 more than I needed. So I sat back and relaxed. By March 1, of my e-mailing of 10,000, received $58,000 with more coming in every day. I paid off ALL my debts and bought a much needed new car!
Please take your time to read this plan, IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER$!!! Remember, it won't work if you don't try it.
This program does work, BUT you must follow it EXACTLY!
Especially the rules of not trying to place your name in a different place. It won't work and you'll lose out on a lot of money! In order for this program to work, you must meet your goal of 20+ orders for REPORT #1, and 100+ orders for REPORT #2 and you will make $50,000 or more in 90 days.
I AM LIVING PROOF THAT IT WORKS!!! If you choose not to participate in this program, I am sorry. It really is a great opportunity with little cost or risk to you. If you choose to participate, follow the program and you will be on your way to financial security. If you are a fellow business owner and are in financial trouble like I was, or you want to start your own business, consider this a sign. I DID! $$
Sincerely,
Johnathon Rourke
=
"Order! Order! Order in the courtroom!
The sentencing in case no. 0000005116121\GI-25ii : The State vs.
Mortimer I. Looty, June 20, 2000, by Supreme Court Judge Mey K.
Your honor."
"OK, Jim. Thank you. You may sit.
In all of my 50 years as a judge, I must say I have never seen
a person as low as the defendant, nor have I seen such a gigantic
list of horrible crimes.
"For 3 agonizing years, the jury and myself listened to endless testimonies, and not a single witness had something good to say in the defendant's behalf. Esteemed experts from all over the country, using undeniable facts, proved beyond doubt this man lied and concealed evidence in order to cover up his crimes. Psychiatrists determined this man is perfectly sane and clear minded. It took the jury only TWO MINUTES to come up with the verdict. I wonder what took them so long.
"The son of two bikers from Iowa, Mortimer I. Looty started his criminal career at the startling age of 7 years, after trying to fit his younger sister into a toaster. Looty was put in a correctional facility, where (he claims) he was fed Spam 3 times a day. Prior to his release in 1980, Mortimer was punished many times for forging forms for drugs, stabbing patients with a fork and scamming foreign pen pals out of millions. On Mortimer Looty's first imprisonment, at the age of 20, he was charged with 'Indecent exposure in front of 400 girl scouts'. He was able to pay the bail of $200,000, only to repeat the act (and be arrested for it again) later that very night.
"In 1983, using a sting operation, LAPD uncovered a $1,000,000,000 mail-fraud industry, and arrested 2,600 workers, led by no other than Mortimer Looty (now 21 years old), who was charged 2 weeks later with 192 counts of 'Fraud' and 5 counts of 'Sexually harassing a kiwi'. After only 16 days, Mortimer Looty was released due to an improperly-filled police report.
"In 1991, the FBI received a tip of some home-made porn being distributed by mail. Soon, an endangered-species snuff movies industry was exposed. The financially broke Mortimer Looty, who produced and starred in the films, mainly to satisfy his own perversion, was arrested. When confronted with a video where he put a revolver to a rare emu's forehead and fired, and asked to confess, the defendant replied: "Uh, I, you know, I didn't do it." Unfortunately, security was loose for a few minutes, allowing Mortimer Looty to flee the police station, becoming a fugitive.
"We move on to 1997. For 6 years, using pseudonyms like King Luigi III, Johnathon Rourke, Eugene I. Borrow, Guru 'Cool' Krishnimoorti, I.O.U Doe or I.P. Freely, Mortimer Looty is believed to be blamed for improprieties such as cutting a bookworm to 1,500 pieces, burglary, off-key karaoke, WWII memorabilia forgery, vomiting without a permit, D.U.I., loitering on Yom Kippur, writing a dirty haiku to a pig, illicitly applying a yo-yo as a sex-toy (twice), attempted murder of a kitty (twice) and inventing the Makarena. Looty was finally located in Honolulu and arrested one last time.
"At the trial, Mortimer I. Looty pleaded insanity, or,
more accurately, "I'm, like, you know, really twirly".
His attorney's attempts to prove it failed horribly. Contrarily,
I'm most impressed with the LA Forensic Medicine team's proofs,
and prosecutor P.I. Poirot's great work.
With no regard to human life, Mortimer Looty lied and deceived
in order to get more profit. Looty tried every low felony for
a monstrous pursuit of more power, property and sexual gratification,
as the victims' tormented families can confirm.
"Mortimer I. Looty, in case no. 0000005116121\GI-25ii you were found guilty of Spam. I, Mey K., sentence you to death by electrocution, right now, where I can observe you fry. I rarely say it, but I wish you rot in hell, you immoral idiot."
[2,869 letters]
Nominated in June 2000
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