Anagrammy Winners by nedesto
All the winning anagrams by nedesto from the Anagrammy Awards.
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, July 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
The Mona Lisa by the artist Leonardo da Vinci =
Nobody can rival that hesitant smile I adore.
GENERAL CATEGORY, August 2011:
3rd - nedesto with:
Medical experimentation =
Examined mice to learn tip.
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2011:
1st - nedesto with:
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes =
Vexing quest coloured by dementia.
LONG CATEGORY, September 2011:
1st - nedesto with:
A woman awoke to find that her husband wasn't in their bed. She went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, all deep in thought, staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his face and take another sip of his coffee.
"Coming down here now? It's midnight. What's the problem dear?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you weren't even 16?" he asked.
"How I do." she said.
"And remember when your father found us, out in the back seat of my old Buick?"
"I do."
"And remember him shoving that shotgun right in front of my face and saying, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend the next 20 years in prison'?"
"I do", she replied.
He wiped another tear and said, "I would've gotten out today."
=
Chad was in a mess of man-trouble again. He had forgotten his 2nd wedding anniversary! His feared wife was inhumanly furious at him.
She irately fumed at him, threatening, "Okay you idiot! Tomorrow I want a fancy gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 120 in 6 seconds. May God mark my words: IT HAD BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning, he got up early and went to work. When his moody wife awoke, she peered out the window and Aha! discovered sure enough there was a small present which he had gift-wrapped in the middle of the street.
Abashed, the wife put on her robe, walked out to the street, and took the present back in the house.
Opening it up, she found a brand new bathroom scale.
Chad has been missing since Friday.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2011:
3rd - nedesto with:
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly clandestine positions are hard to fill, and then there's a lot of testing and background scrutiny involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks and the training and the testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to three: two males and one female, but there was only one position available.
The day came for the final test to see which person would get to have the secretive job. The men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our orders whatever the circumstances," they calmly told him. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Now you must take the gun and kill her."
The man looked horrified and said, "No! You can't be serious!" "I wouldn't ever harm my dear wife!" he sobbed. "Well," said the tough CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for the job then. Now leave."
So then they brought the second man to the same door and handed him the gun. "We must know that you will follow our orders no matter what the circumstances." Then they told the second man, "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Now take the gun and kill her."
~
The second man looked very shocked and sick, but nevertheless took the gun and went armed into the room. All was silent for about five minutes. The door opened; the man came out of the room clenching his eyes in pain. Crying, he said. "I panicked. I tried to shoot twice, but I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I was never the man for the job." "No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have the icy nerves of a CIA agent. You can go home with your wife."
Now only the woman was left. The CIA guys led her to the same door and same room and handed her the gun. They said, "We must be sure you will follow every instruction no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun, go in, and kill him with it."
The woman took the gun, ran, and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for fifteen shots. All hell broke loose in the room. They heard manic screaming, clanking, and frantic banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went silent.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped sweat from her brow and ranted, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
Children tug on ~
underclothing.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2011:
3rd - nedesto with:
All Along The Watchtower
GENERAL CATEGORY, November 2011:
2nd - nedesto with:
Healthy mood? =
Hold the mayo!
RUDE CATEGORY, November 2011:
1st - nedesto with:
His epic orgasm =
Seismographic!
RUDE CATEGORY, December 2011:
1st - nedesto with:
A fart is ~
fast air.
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2012:
3rd - nedesto with:
71% of women usually do think their asses are damn big ~
but 17%, if so asked, would nonetheless marry him again!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, January 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
British scientist Stephen William Hawking =
Knew spacetime with his brilliant insights.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
Stop Online Piracy Act =
Potential conspiracy?
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
The Superior called the sisters together informing them in dismay,
"And, as of now, we have a case of gonorrhea in the convent!"
=
"Yes! Praise Heaven!" sang a nun coming over to the front of the room
as she cheered, "We're so tired of swilling that damn Chianti!"
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2012:
Eq1st - nedesto with:
Threesomes =
Hetero mess!
GENERAL CATEGORY, February 2012:
3rd - nedesto with:
When I asked my pal Fred about his ornery addiction to ~
brake fluid, he said, "Oh, don't worry, Ed. I can stop any time."
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, March 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
Bessy the old Guernsey told Molly the heifer, "I've been artificially inseminated; it was done only about four hours ago!"
=
"Hogwash!" Molly said acutely, "I don't believe any of it for one minute."
Bessy raised her aged hoof, "It's entirely true - no bull."
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, April 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
Top novels:
1. Anna Karenina
2. Madame Bovary
3. War and Peace =
1. Reawakened in a romance
2. A savvy mantrap
3. Bad Napoleon!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, April 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
The top three child prodigies:
1. Mozart
2. Picasso
3. Pascal
=
1. Greatest composer
2. Artistic lad
3. Chap philosophized
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, May 2012:
eq1st - nedesto with:
PM David Cameron =
Vapid commander.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, May 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
This man takes his cross-eyed cur to some vet who casually raised it up and peered into its eyes.
The vet heaved a hushed sigh. ~
"My god... I'll have to put this terrier down." he said.
" 'Cause he is cross-eyed!?" asked the upset man.
"No", said the vet, "It's 'cause he's heavy."
RUDE CATEGORY, May 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
Walt Disney's Pinocchio =
I can shit woody pencils!
GENERAL CATEGORY, June 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
A documentary =
Camera on duty.
LONG CATEGORY, June 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
How to Defend Yourself Against the Velociraptor
1. You need to be sure you're fighting a velociraptor. To identify it; find something to throw at it. If it runs at you phenomenally fast, infuriated, thrashing and screaming, it probably is a velociraptor. You are now in some big danger.
2. Next, run away. It will catch you immediately.
3. Now's your big chance! Hit it behind the head. But maybe in the arm or the tail.
4. Call the police but don't say much about fighting a velociraptor because they won't believe you; say you are fighting terrorism.
Tips
* Avoid velociraptors.
* I recommend you always have a homemade phony velociraptor costume handy so you can mesmerise a velociraptor into thinking you are also a velociraptor. (Though note: this won't actually work)
Warnings
* Velociraptors have very sharp teeth and hidden claws for penetration as demonstrated in Jurassic Park, when Sam Neill shamelessly uses that raptor claw to discuss slicing that kid up into a mess of flesh confetti.
* Many velociraptors can open doors barehanded and may even have the ability to learn other simple tasks such as: gardening and listening to Country Music.
=
How to Appear Human
1. Choose a Human to imitate. Avoid world leaders; assassination may lead to your being detected.
2. Grow - or attach using adhesive - "Human like" limbs which may be artificially constructed out of ordinary raw materials (e.g. ice, duct tape, etc...) Then select dye color having visibility in the average Human's visual spectrum, applying this dye liberally to any limbs.
3. The final layer is comprised entirely of woven fabric. Depending on the age of the Human which you have chosen to imitate, rips and stretch marks may be very convincing. Finally, apply polystyrene triangles and circles to just the top of your anatomy. Do not overdo it; Humans are not Krakens.
4. You are ready to embark on your mission. To move yourself forward, push against the ground with all of your prostheses that have an orientation towards the native gravitational body.
Tips
* Attaching fibrous protein strands to the top of your outer anatomy along with geometric shapes allows for a more convincing disguise.
Warnings
* Do not eat other Humans in public; experience indicates that their culture considers this wholly unacceptable behavior.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2012:
2nd - nedesto with:
[This crossword contains four titles from a beloved writer and a farewell highlighted in blue. The letters in the completed crossword grid are an anagram of the combined set of "ACROSS" and "DOWN" clues.]
ACROSS
|
DOWN
|
SPECIAL CATEGORY, July 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
[This crossword includes two revolutionary scientific theories and the scientist's name highlighted in blue. The letters in the completed 17x17 crossword grid are an anagram of both the 17 "ACROSS" and 17 "DOWN" clues which are anagrams of each other.
As an additional hint, the solution of the three clues highlighted in red comprise an anagram of the scientific effect for which the scientist won the Nobel Prize. (most people think it was for 19-Across or 5-Down)]
ACROSS
|
DOWN
|
[ The Nobel Prize in Physics 1921 was awarded to Albert Einstein "for his services to Theoretical Physics, and especially for his discovery of the law of the photoelectric effect."]
CREPT+IO+CLOTHE = PHOTOELECTRIC
ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY, August 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
The Olympic medals:
1. Gold
2. Silver
3. Bronze
=
1. Lovely gloss!
2. Commendable
3. Third prize
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, August 2012:
eq1st - nedesto with:
1. Facebook
2. Twitter
3. LinkedIn
4. MySpace
5. Google Plus
=
1. Like
2. Compact
3. Working Lead
4. Obsolete
5. Stupefying
SPECIAL CATEGORY, August 2012:
2nd - nedesto with:
[This crossword celebrates an important international event and includes nine thematic entries highlighted in blue.
The letters in the completed crossword grid are an anagram of both the "ACROSS" and "DOWN" clues which are anagrams of each other.]
ACROSS
|
DOWN
|
=
RUDE CATEGORY, August 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
Airplane stewardesses =
Pert asses wander aisle.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, September 2012:
2nd - nedesto with:
Crossword
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2012:
2nd - nedesto with:
Two fat blokes are at the pub. "Your round," says the one. ~
The other bloke spun, went: "So are you, you fat bastard!"
SPECIAL CATEGORY, October 2012:
3rd - nedesto with:
1. A trap
5. "Arr"
10. Fly! (3,4)
11. A wind instrument
12. Bruce Wayne
15. Baboon
16. Eerie gourd
17. EU's cash
18. Taint
19. A team player
20. ___line
22. A pre-Soviet-era head
25. Zealously keener
27. Prelate
28. Make hot once more
30. I eat aphids
31. A biter
32. Meet
33. Limp
=
2. Mutant
3. Unweave; unknit
4. Mule feed
5. Drop
6. Wits
7. A toy
8. Triple
9. Attorney
13. Crazier
14. Peel area's hair
15. Cooler
20. An inebriate
21. Hid
23. Bespoke
24. Laces a shoe again
25. A yummy brain tempts me
26. Bored area
29. Leer
31. A pet healer
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, November 2012:
eq1st - nedesto with:
A nosy old woman sees Donald in the park eating three candy bars and
then tells him, "Eating so much junk is very bad for you!"
=
"Lady, my grampa Jack lived to be a hunnert."
"And so, naturally he ate candy?" she retorts.
"No, he minded his own fooking business."
LONG CATEGORY, November 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
Goofy Definitions:
ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.
HEROES: What that guy in a boat has to do.
PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
PARADOX: Are two physicians.
BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.
COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put cabinets together.
EYEDROPPER: A very clumsy ophthalmologist.
LEFTBANK: What that robber did when his bag was too full of money.
SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store has to do.
BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees police with.
=
RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.
MISTY: How some golfer types create divots.
PARASITES: French things you see from high on top of the Eiffel Tower.
POLARIZE: What penguins see snowdrifts with.
PHARMACIST: Boy who ran off to be a helper on the farm.
ARBITRATOR: Cook that chooses to leave Arby's to work at McDonalds.
AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter or cowboy hopes to do.
SUDAFED: Brought harassing litigation against a government agent.
RELIEF: What each tree hopes to do in the Spring.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, November 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
1. Go away
4. Lyrical poem
7. Boy kids
9. Crack
14. Inane dunderheads (7,6)
15. Swelling due to disease
16. Abandon it
17. Attain; meet
18. Use a label
20. Drought-weary area (4,4)
22. Rifle type (5,6)
25. Off yourself
27. Intent
28. Salt
30. Loveless, platitudinous union (8,2,11)
33. Couch
35. ___ won't do!
36. Presently
39. Electronic computers use it (7,4)
41. Punch (4,4)
44. Dears
45. Green
46. ___ ___ License Agreement (3,6)
50. Root vegetable
51. French kiss? (6,7)
52. Rein___
53. Perpetrate murder
54. Conditionally
55. Crime
=
1. Yokel, dupe or loon
2. Pasta type
3. Old is reused
5. Fatso
6. Microcomputer core (7,10,4)
7. Sheltered to the wind
8. Nederlands hat (5,3)
10. Currently attractive?
11. Barterer
12. Thank
13. Be decidedly sober
19. Day fifteen
21. A wee pancake
23. Car
24. Angle
26. Gone
29. Calling (5,2,4)
30. Inspirer
31. Curious
32. Twist
34. Consul
37. Cue we use to display ennui
38. Mane style
40. One's motherland
42. Is gleeful
43. A nitrogenous bean
47. Impugn severely
48. Fraction
49. Militia
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, December 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
The world's five all-time most noteworthy people:
1. Leonardo da Vinci
2. Isaac Newton
3. Albert Einstein
4. Plato
5. Galileo Galilei
=
1. Mona Lisa painter
2. "I'll follow gravity down."
3. "I have entwined spacetime."
4. Rational theologist
5. A telescope led to rebellion
SPECIAL CATEGORY, December 2012:
1st - nedesto with:
1. Molten rock
4. Pop
7. Crooked (4-1-4)
12. Prick
13. Have concerns (5,2)
14. I'm who is Santa's third
15. Birthplace
16. Use my words
17. Blithe
18. Reminiscence
20. Adherence
24. Wise
26. O-C-O (3,3)
28. Sheep heaps
30. Much beloved Crosby tune (3,2,4,3,9)
32. I'm a first for Santa
34. Plaster type
35. Sugary nut confections
38. Scalia, et al (7,5)
40. Smart-ass
43. Vestibule
45. Eyes
46. Mistaken; invalid
48. Calm
49. A kind of 52 Across
50. Cause a humorous crack-up
51. Guides
52. Coconut meringue, e.g.
53. "To our health!"=
1. Us fogies
2. Cartilage
3. Cherub
4. "Do I hear a thousand?" (5,7)
5. Motor
6. When my true love gave me stuff (6,4,2,9)
7. Fickleness
8. Spell check (4,4)
9. "KLANG!" (5,4)
10. Happen
11. Celebration
19. Topic
21. Accolades
22. Semaphores as a distress (1-1-1)
23, Nativity
25. Stacks (5,2)
27. Eccentric human
29. Arborous, resinous sap
31. Chutney
32. Como se dice, "Two"?
33. Complete (5,4)
36. Candy
37. Caribou
39. Cephalopod
41. Intermission
42. Isthmus is a kind (4-2)
43. Enumerates
44. Vile, murky water
47. Scorch or burn
GENERAL CATEGORY, January 2013:
eq3rd - nedesto with:
A thoroughbred stallion =
That old labouring horse!
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, January 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
Lamb of God threatened at ~
the Battle of Armageddon.
LONG CATEGORY, January 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
Harry was finally going to be a groom and he was excited about his upcoming marriage.
As he was leaving the office, Harry noticed his boss was walking over, his large hand outstretched.
"Here here ,Harry, congratulations! Now I just want to tell you that I have been married for thirty years and I am sure that you'll always recall this day with the fondest of memories as the very happiest day of your entire life!" he professed with a wink, a nod, and a heartfelt handshake.
"But sir", spoke Harry, seeming a little confused, "I am not getting married until tomorrow!"
"Yeah, Harry, I know", said his boss.
=
While Charley was at a marriage seminar, everyone was telling how long they'd been married. Charley said that he and his wife had been married for almost fifty years.
"That is so neat!" said the group's leader. "Could you share some of your insights?"
"It's just that I treat my wife well, buy her gifts, take her on trips," Charley answered. "For our twentieth anniversary I took her down to the Bahamas."
"That's such a moving inspiration for us all!" said the leader. "What are you going to do for your next anniversary?" she said.
"Well," said Charley "I'm thinking of going back down to the Bahamas to pick her up."
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, February 2013:
2nd - nedesto with:
Oscar winner Daniel Day-Lewis =
Is war-weary indeed as Lincoln.
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
Flowers unfold =
Full of wonders.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, March 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
The Vatican's College of Cardinals =
God's half-secret Italian conclave.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, March 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
1. Brusque; mean
6. Underestimate
11. Propose
12. Minks
14. Mutiny
15. A nascent sun
16. Sol
17. A giant gaseous planet
19. Harness; strap
20. A wee lad
21. Tavern; saloon (8,4)
25. A church
27. Worried
29. Whisper at him or her "Hey you..."
31. SSN equivalent (6,9,6)
33. Acreage
35. Urchin
36. Lloyd's of London, e.g.
39. Incipience (8,4)
41. Arctic; bitter
42. A tear
46. Zodiac
48. All our pennies contain it
49. Hotelier
51. Senseless
52. Appropriate
53. Sure was one remote planet
54. Stretch
55. Felicitously
=
1. Unpalatable
2. Usual observances
3. Union
4. I zap hair
5. Yard construction (9,12)
6. Illness
7. Alien phoning home?
8. Reins
9. A dye
10. PC time-waster
13. War deity
18. Not hers
22. Spook's month
23. Super___
24. Quasi-stellar
26. A part in ears
28. Articulate
30. Sun-centered revolution
31. I play racquet games in here (7,5)
32. ___ minor
34. Genuine patriots
37. Portfolio
38. Plus; also
40. Watch; see
43. Seamen's deity
44. Connected
45. The Oracle was seen in here
47. Scarf
50. Hector, e.g.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2013:
3rd - nedesto with:
1. Leg part
3. Grieves
6. Gorge
8. Key
12. Twice four
14. Ordinary seasoning
15. Ariel e.g.
16. Story
18. Roadster
19. Eternity
21. Ten gauges
23. Gradual
27. Shade
29. Talent
31. Alveolar malady
33. Hotel
34. At ___ door
35. Thin; minimise
36. Rested on a divan
38. This month's
40. Chill; ice
41. Showoff; ham
45. Booze
47. Seasickness
51. Era
52. Any female deer
53. Poppy pit?
56. Muddle
57. Sharon was a good one
59. Trusting
60. Fume; emanation
61. Lenity
62. Foul; revile; ruin
63. Beeper
=
1. Grope
2. Generator
3. Meteor
4. Stingy
5. Ocean
6. Staid
7. Bravado
9. Sully
10. Grant
11. Vile
13. Plus
17. Gentle
20. Languid; weary; holey
22. To turn to the right
24. Speechlessness
25. Foam
26. Proper
28. Leader
30. Animated
32. Agonizing
33. Void; banal
37. Fame
39. Traipse idly amok
42. A finale
43. A revolution
44. Some sword-like irises
46. Hefty tumefaction
48. Gathering
49. One fine sword
50. Dreary
51. He authored Crusoe
54. Male; he
55. Dismay
58. So intense
RUDE CATEGORY, April 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
Models unrobing =
Big round melons!
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
Frosted cupcake =
Packed fructose.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, June 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
Worlds best-selling autos:
1. Model T
2. Beetle
3. Corolla
=
1. Cool roadsters
2. One little bug
3. Well-assembled lot
TOPICAL CATEGORY, July 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
Glee star Cory Monteith is dead =
Actor's demise in hotel tragedy.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, July 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
The Signs of the Ecliptic:
1. Aries
2. Taurus
3. Gemini
4. Cancer
5. Leo
6. Virgo
7. Libra
8. Scorpio
9. Sagittarius
10. Capricornus
11. Aquarius
12. Pisces
=
1. Ram
2. Steer
3. Pair
4. Carcinogenic
5. Big cat purrs
6. Ice-girl is virtuous
7. Scale
8. Poisonous
9. Centaur
10. Quasi-goat
11. Pitcher
12. Fishies sail
AWARDSMASTER'S CHOICE CATEGORY, August 2013:
2nd - nedesto with:
The singer and television actress Miley Cyrus =
Noisy music, great riches, and very little sense!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, October 2013:
1st - nedesto with:
German physicist Albert Einstein =
This gentleman I respect is brainy.
ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY, November 2013:
>1st - nedesto with:
"A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about." Miguel de Unamuno
=
"As a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, how a mammoth amount of knowledge is useful, you poor boob!"
RUDE CATEGORY, January 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
The breast augmentation surgery =
Tart: "My tits are sure gonna be huge!"
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, February 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
1. Adam and Eve
2. Lucifer
3. Noah
4. Moses
5. Saul the king
6. Gabriel
=
1. Shamed us
2. Foul? Me??
3. Big ark!
4. Covenant
5. Head Israeli
6. Angel
GENERAL CATEGORY, March 2014:
2nd - nedesto with:
Gentle spring rains =
Green plants rising.
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, March 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
Famous military leader Napoleon Bonaparte =
Little man of Paris, marooned a year upon Elba.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, April 2014:
3rd - nedesto with:
Absent Place-an April Day, Emily Dickinson
Absent Place-an April Day-
Daffodils a-blow
Homesick curiosity
To the Souls that snow-
Drift may block within it
Deeper than without-
Daffodil delight but
Him it duplicate-
=
Delicately bathed in paint,
All cold lookouts did wait.
Flowers bound up with duty shine
Fragrant, sappy, soft, sedate.
Outlined in birthday chiffon;
Dreamlike, whimsical.
Imitates a picky patch;
Lithe mobs botanical.
GENERAL CATEGORY, May 2014:
2nd - nedesto with:
Television news documentaries ~
remind us violence ain't so sweet.
LONG CATEGORY, May 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Ludwig Wittgenstein: "Crossing" was individually encoded into those objects "chicken" and "road" until that caused the actualization of the phenomenon.
Hippocrates: It is usually because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Jack Nicholson: Because it f-ing wanted to. That is f-ing why
Mark Twain: The unfortunate news of its untimely crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me thirty minutes with it and I'll find out.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Oliver North: Because our entire National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: The external influences which had virtually pervaded its sensorium from birth had likewise caused it to unknowingly develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while fully believing such actions to be of its own free will.
Albert Einstein: The chicken crossed the road or the road crossed it; that depends upon your frame of reference.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order for it to act in good faith and for it to be true to itself, that chicken found it morally necessary to cross that road. ~
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that chickens cross roads at this juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought each such occurrence into being.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: To ask the forbidden question is to deny one's own essential chicken-nature.
Timothy Leary: Just because it's the only kind of damned trip the Establishment would let it take.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Salvador Dali: Fish.
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
Darwin: It was the first logical next step after leaping headlong down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not certain which side of the road it was on, though coincidentally it was moving downright fast.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of defiance, hence we were justified in dropping fifty tons of nerve gas on it.
Henry David Thoreau: For it chose to live deliberately ... and suck the marrow out of life.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Ronald Reagan: I forgot.
The Sphinx: Can you tell me?
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
TOPICAL CATEGORY, June 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
The annual summer solstice =
Sun reaches one tall summit.
SPECIAL CATEGORY, June 2014:
2nd - nedesto with:
42 GREAT THINGS ABOUT BEING A MAN
42 GREAT THINGS ABOUT BEING A WOMAN
GENERAL CATEGORY, July 2014:
3rd - nedesto with:
Those who deny climate change =
How they had to mangle science!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, July 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
Priam's son Hector =
Heroic sportsman!
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, July 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
Twelve months within one year:
1. January
2. February
3. March
4. April
5. May
6. June
7. July
8. August
9. September
10. October
11. November
12. December
=
1. New Year
2. Carnival
3. Rejuvenate
4. Beauty
5. Buttercup
6. Enjoy Summer!
7. Blueberry Bloom
8. Meander'n
9. Warm
10. Majestic
11. Frosty
12. High Hope
LONG CATEGORY, July 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
Signs You have Grown Up:
- Your house plants are all alive... only you are not smoking any of them
- Having sex in a twin bed is really out of the question
- You keep more food than beer in the fridge
- Seven AM is the time that you are getting up, instead of going to bed
- You really watch the Weather Channel
- Your friends marry and divorce instead of hooking up and breaking up
- You are the one calling the police station because, "Those no-good kids next door just would not turn down their effing stereo!"
- Older relatives now feel comfortable telling dirty jokes around you
- You do not know what time Taco Bell closes anymore
- Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up
- All that you feed your dogs is Science Diet instead of random McDonalds leftovers
- Eating breakfast foods at breakfast time
- You go in to a drug store for ibuprofen, not for pregnancy tests ~
- You suddenly hear your favorite song everywhere... in elevators
- To sleep on the couch hurts your back nowadays
- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "pretty dressed up"
- You no longer sleep from noon to six
- Dinner and a movie is a whole date instead of the beginning of one
- Eating a basket of chicken wings at three AM would decidedly upset, rather than settle, your stomach
- You grudgingly go from one hundred twenty days vacation to fourteen
- A four dollar bottle of bubbly is no longer "the real good stuff"
- The famous excuse of "I just can't drink like I used to," replaces, "I'm absolutely never going to drink wine again."
- Most of the time and energy you spend in front of a computer is for actual academic work
- You no longer drink at home to save money before going out to a bar
- You read this list with desperation, looking for one sign that it doesn't apply to you!
RUDE CATEGORY, July 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
Shit myself =
Filthy mess!
GENERAL CATEGORY, August 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
A supervolcano =
Cone pours lava.
RUDE CATEGORY, September 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
Girl's nude silhouette =
Outline sure delights!
GENERAL CATEGORY, October 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
The cheating husband =
Caught... then banished!
PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY, October 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
Cartoonist Walter Elias Disney =
Storyteller saw ideas in action.
OTHER NAMES CATEGORY, October 2014:
1st - nedesto with:
The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention =
Doctors and nurses there repel one vast infection!
TOPICAL CATEGORY, December 2014:
Eq1st - nedesto with:
"Away in a manger, no crib for his bed" =
We sing in a choir for Mary and babe.
MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY, January 2015:
1st - nedesto with:
AFI's list of top five greatest movies of all time:
1. Lawrence of Arabia
2. Ben-Hur
3. Schindler's List
4. Gone with the Wind
5. Spartacus
=
1. That epic O'Toole war film
2. Heston wins this race
3. Neeson tends after lives
4. Civil War affair befits Gable
5. Douglas triumphs
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