Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2002


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A carton of cigarettes =
I got a taste for cancer.

2nd - Tom Myers with:
Adult novels =
Love and lust!

eq.3rd - Allan Morley with:
The democratic process =
Crap choice deters most.

eq.3rd - Matjaz Pihler with:
Nanosecond =
Can end, soon!

David Bourke with:
Lesbian romance =
Real basic: No men!

David Bourke with:
Unsuitable for children =
Hurtful, inconsiderable.

Larry Brash with:
Administrative Assistant =
It is a stint as maidservant.

Richard Brodie with:
Going on Easter vacation =
Note ovarian action: Eggs!

Don P. Fortier with:
To use an infrared night-scope =
Finding person at heat source.

Maurice Goddard with:
Pocket money ~
kept economy.

Maurice Goddard with:
Satisfying a woman =
I'm sowing a fantasy.

Richard Grantham with:
Classified information ~
is for confidential aims.

David A. Green with:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder =
Tortured past stirs: I'm so scared.

Adrian Hickford with:
Vigilante =
An evil git.

Adrian Hickford with:
The best things in life are free =
There's breathing. It feels fine.

Adrian Hickford with:
Cardio-pulmonary resuscitation =
Your doctor uses it in panic, alarm.

Jan Hyde with:
Monday Morning Blues =
Ungodly morn beams in.

Jan Hyde with:
O! I drank numerous pints ~
so I'm in a drunken stupor.

Jaybur with:
Fondest memories =
Often missed more.

Jaybur with:
Unsuitable for kids =
It's kinda blue for us.

Jaybur with:
Garden ornaments =
And errant gnomes!

Meyran Kraus with:
The Free Anagram Generator =
That no-fee rearranger game.

Meyran Kraus with:
Cave Paintings =
Evincing a past.

Meyran Kraus with:
Cave Painters =
Native scrape.

Meyran Kraus with:
Morning Blues =
Slumbering on.

Allan Morley with:
Cast claiming to hear =
"Lights, camera, action!"

Allan Morley with:
Poker machines =
Keep man so rich.

Allan Morley with:
Time heals all wounds =
Hate dulls - now a smile.

Tom Myers with:
In poor taste =
Not to praise.

Tom Myers with:
A Last Will and Testament =
Land, small estate... want it?

Tom Myers with:
Urgent matters? =
Trust great men!

Tom Myers with:
A real go-getter, he =
Altogether eager.

Tom Myers with:
On the scene =
Hence no set.

Tom Myers with:
Leaving time, ~
given I'm late.

Tom Myers with:
Mysteries of the occult =
Filthy secrets come out.

Walter Newboldt with:
The laser printer =
Sharper in letter.

Walter Newboldt with:
Land of milk and honey =
Hey, look - damn Finland!

Walter Newboldt with:
A starvation diet =
Avoid eatin' tarts!

Matjaz Pihler with:
Mathematical physicist =
Ah, I'm the typical miscast.

Matjaz Pihler with:
Steady job? =
Debt's a joy!

Matjaz Pihler with:
Basic urge =
Big causer.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
I am honored =
Oh, I read NOM!

Martin J. Son with:
A diamond ring =
Man daring "I do."

Santi Spadaro with:
A journalist =
Just a liar, no?

John Tezel with:
Our coy comments =
Common courtesy.

James H. Young with:
A store detective ~
eviscerated tote.


1st - David A. Green with:
Japanese sport of Sumo Wrestling =
Lot of gross men just wear nappies.

2nd - Jaybur with:
French Impressionist Pierre Auguste Renoir =
Uses sheer paint for picture mirroring Seine.

3rd - Jeff Roy with:
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire =
Portray battle of frightened hero.

David A. Green with:
Michael Palin: 'Around the World in Eighty Days' =
Pythonic man's holiday guide. I'll wander Earth.

Adrian Hickford with:
Constable's "The Haywain" =
What a scene! Notably his.

Maurice Goddard with:
Rowan Sebastian Atkinson ~
knows a transition as Bean.

Maurice Goddard with:
Gabriel Urbain Faure's Requiem ~
A rare bar. Unique sublime grief.

Jaybur with:
The singer Gordon Haskell =
He liked rather long songs.

Jaybur with:
Giaconda smile =
Is a cold enigma.

Jaybur with:
Thou art unfit for any place but hell =
Hate all thy foul putrefaction! Burn!

Meyran Kraus with:
Tolkien's Lord of the Rings =
Folklore Insight to Nerds!

Meyran Kraus with:
"Waiting For Godot" by Samuel Beckett =
Gee, witty bemocking of total absurd!

Walter Newboldt with:
Dustin Hoffman as manly Michael Dorsey =
Finds fame as unmanly "Dorothy Michaels"!

Chris Sturdy with:
"Does My Bum Look Big In This?" =
i) No bloke is so mighty dumb.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Prince Harry Admits He Smoked Pot Regularly =
Royal drug-party is held? Man, the empire rocks!

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
New South Wales bushfires ~
burn whilst a few use hoses.

eq.3rd - Allan Morley with:
Tetrahydrocannabinol =
N.B. Harry contained a lot.

eq.3rd - Tom Myers with:
Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's, dies =
I sensed why -- man devoured fast food.

Abacusapts with:
'Time' "Man of the Year" =
The fine Mayor, mate!

David Bourke with:
Nuclear weapons threat =
New, unreal catastrophe.

Maurice Goddard with:
Butler Paul Burrell accused of stealing =
Futile scoundrel? Subtle Palace burglar?

Maurice Goddard with:
Organic farming's produce is ~
corn, pigs, grain, or acid fumes!

Maurice Goddard with:
September the eleventh two thousand and one =
Towers tumble on death heap. The end seen on TV.

David A. Green with:
Prince Harry admits to smoking cannabis regularly =
Criminal pot-abusing son: Charles angry at merry kid!

Adrian Hickford with:
The Salt Lake City Winter Olympics =
Top win! My secret? Ski athletically.

Jaybur with:
Storm lashed Britain =
It means horrid blast!

Meyran Kraus with:
US President George W. Bush Choked and Fainted =
For god's sake, dude - dine, chew, ingest, *then* a burp!

Meyran Kraus with:
The CIA concludes that Bin Laden escaped =
A chance's lost? He didn't die? Unacceptable!

Graham Perkins with:
Winona Ryder goes shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue =
Not paying, takes one posh hare's fur and five wigs.


1st - Meyran Kraus with:
You look rather nice in that dress =
(Or: "Thank you, Lord! I can see her tits!")

2nd - Lardy Girl with:
Sixty-nine =
Sexy, innit?

3rd - David A. Green with:
Under the age of consent =
Fourteen? No decent shag.

Daniel Austin with:
Tampons ~
stop man.

David Bourke with:
Narcotic penalties =
A rectal inspection.

David Bourke with:
Use Libresse disposable incontinence pads =
Absorbent lined undies (I conceal piss-seeps).

Richard Brodie with:
Alexander Donald Ross Twiston Davies =
Oral sex wanted, as rod invaded tonsils.

Maurice Goddard with:
"The other woman?" =
"O men! THAT WHORE...!"

Maurice Goddard with:
Those great boobs ~
bob! Sag to her toes?

David A. Green with:
Lindsay Wagner's 'The Bionic Woman' =
My new bod is winner. I can shag a lot!

David A. Green with:
A little something for the weekend, Sir? =
Thanks, I still need 'em to roger the wife.

Adrian Hickford with:
Thrust harder! ~
Trash her turd!

Allan Morley with:
The Papanicolaou smear test =
A sample, one that I scrape out.

Tom Myers with:
This is truth =
Shit! It hurts.

Tom Myers with:
I have prior engagements =
Penis, her vagina to merge.

Walter Newboldt with:
Lesbian sets =

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Playboy's Nudes =
Lay on bed, pussy!

John Tezel with:
Caressing your clit =
Circling your asset.

Mick Tully with:
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a flea? =
Why, as the fowl dates, oo! I augur a fine itchy cock!


1st - Richard Grantham with:
Dear friend:

This is an invitation to visit our Homepage that is linked to the FREE Internet publication, THE WISE SHALL UNDERSTAND. Chapter one is entitled "Daniel 12 Revealed." Daniel 12 was NOT to be understood "until the end of the days." It is now unfolded after more than 2,500 years by using a special "key" found in Genesis 2:4; Daniel 12 carries important warnings concerning last-day deception.

Our Internet provider is frequently off-line, so please print this letter to preserve the following address where you can access this on-line publication:


We know that there are many thinking people who are not happy with popular religion and are seeking greater truth. Please ask God for guidance as you study this material. It is of no cost to you, but we feel He would have us publish this last-day message in printed form for those unable to read it on the Internet. If you agree that it has a special message for this time, we would appreciate any contribution in U.S. funds to help with its publication. Make your check payable to ONE-WAY MINISTRIES. And mail to:

Charles and Tish Clever
One-Way Ministries
P.O. Box 432
Talihina, OK 74571, U.S.A.

Your friends in God's service,
Charles and Tish Clever


In the beginning God created the Net.

And the Net was without form, and useful; and the Holy Spirit lurked across the face of the screen.

And God said, Make money fast; and God saw the money, that it was good. This was the first spam.

God sent, Be a Millionaire In One Year! (Initial outlay one cent!); it was the second spam.

God sent, UNIQUE FAT-BURNING ROUTINE! To learn more, visit us here at sulphuric-acid.net!; it was the third spam.


IT REALLY WORKS!!!!!; it was the fifth spam.

God sent,
!!!!K*I*N*K*Y  S*I*L*I*C*O*N*E  P*O*R*N!!!!
!!!!C*L*I*C*K  H*E*R*E!!!!
And God saw the silicone porn, that it was bountifully cruel and unusual; it was the sixth spam.

On the seventh day God rested, as a result of punitive action by trinity.com.

Online again soon after due to the leniency of a terrestrial ISP, He finally saw the full flower of His creation, each insipid, sinister snake He had nurtured to overrun Paradise; yea verily and He cried out in a profound voice "Oh, shit."


eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dear Windows User,

Now you can boost the reliability of ordinary Windows 95, 98 and ME to nearly the level of Windows NT or 2000, Microsoft's professional and industrial version of Windows.

The new WinFix is a very effective way to improve the reliability of Windows, because it makes Windows fault-tolerant and self-repairing.

And WinFix is very safe, because it operates completely independent of Windows.

CLICK HERE to find out more about WinFix, the safest, most effective way to keep you working, by keeping your PC working non-stop.

Arlen Dixon, CEO
Pinewood Software Marketing


Dear new i-Mac owner

Congratulations on your purchase of a fine, exceptional computer, i.e. the best offer ever, a beefy G5, now with nifty Mac OSX, an excellent operating system, top one in the known wide world today.

I'd avoid it if you like Microsoft's iffy, bug-ridden, poor, weak excuse of an operating system, Windows, full of foibles and errors, known to crash often (fine, if several times a day).

Oops, no! Bad idea!

We know your Mac will never disappoint. It is very different to Windows. We know it is very stable, we know it is reliable, and is definitely not prone to Windows www virus shit.


eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Recieving over 1.5 billion page views per month, Ebay is the ULTIMATE venue for selling virtually any goods and making huge profits with almost no effort.

But you have to know what to sell and how to sell. That's where Ebay Marketing 2001 comes in.

This manual provides you with easy to understand and detailed instructions for maximizing your profits with selling strategies that are PROVEN WINNERS. This manual provides you with easy to understand and detailed instructions for maximizing your profits with selling strategies that are PROVEN WINNERS.

This information will make you $1000's on Ebay. Although this book was based on eBay auctions, the overall information will work for ALL online auctions. Ebay Marketing 2001 teaches you effective SELLING STRATEGIES and you don't need any specialized computer knowledge. I'm going to pass on the SECRET SELLING TECHNIQUES that I use each and every day to bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars selling my products on internet auctions.



Why aren't you digging out the gold? Because you don't have the right tools.

For more information e-mail: joshabrahams@dr.com/ "info" in the subject header.


Are you bored by unvarying, irritating, uninformative Internet spam and all it enthusiastically pretends to grant us? Troubled by intrusive requests to solve every problem or improve your situation at just one button's click?

Oh yes.

So, instead of wading through further aggravating inanity and triviality, I reproduce for you a selection of haiku to enjoy, some famous, some not so:

in the cicada's cry
no sign can foretell
how soon it must die

Poverty's child -
she starts to grind some rice,
and gazes at the moon.

a lovely thing to see:
through the paper window's hole,
the Galaxy.

wiping to find
winter's face

A sudden shower falls -
and naked I am riding
on a naked horse!

leaf drifts slowly down
Father Time takes one more step
towards vapid winter

behold the ego
set in glowing emptiness
on the edge of time

wisteria vines ambush -
killing all they touch
so beautifully

night, and the moon!
my neighbour, playing on his flute -
out of tune!

lying on my back
a column of exhaled steam
rises to the moon

I kill an ant
and realize my two children
have been watching.

in an urban realm
I discover a tigress
grazing on mulberries

a cautious youth -
hesitant - holds
new stiletto heels.


Adrian Hickford with:
Help Wanted: Fire Your Boss and Work at Home! Forget the suit and the commute. Use your computer to Earn $125 - $175 per hour! FULL TRAINING. Vacations, bonuses and incentives included!
Convert the garden hut! Star in your own sordid porn-flick! Superb counterfeit "Cum-Shot" images - FREE! Unusual idea! An alternative to employment! Dubious, eh? Send $521,175. OH, ACT NOW!


Meyran Kraus with:
$7,000,000,000.00 on The Oprah Winfrey Show!!

Dear Your Daily Deal Member, Foundmoney brings to you an incredibly exciting program. There is $7,000,000,000.00 (SEVEN BILLION DOLLARS!) in unclaimed moneys from bank accounts, wills, insurance settlements, over paid tax bills and estates. Three out of five American families are owed money in some form. Since inception in 1995, Foundmoney.com has helped hundreds of thousands of people find millions of dollars on the internet. Click here or on the link below to find out in seconds... if you or anyone you know is entitled to claim any of the $7 BILLION that's owed to millions of Americans... The SEARCH IS FREE, and you have everything to gain, and nothing to lose... This is the amazing website that was featured on "The Oprah Winfrey Show"... Click here to see if you can claim any of the $7,000,000,000.00!
Sincerely, Payment Transfer Systems Disbursement Unit


Economic insufficiency? No money in your account? Meaningless, synonymous phrases your cup of tea?
Well, congratulations! Friendly Felon is pleased to inform the plan to rob you blind is now on its way.

In short, it involves the employment of shiftiness, trickery and deceit, while our men find the address to your home and break into it! After holding a survey, we came to realise the only sucker who will bother to read this spam has no family, no smarts and a minimal muscle tone which reduces any resistance.

No one at the door yet? In need of *more* confusing leads and clichés? No problem:
Millions In The Mailbox! Naked Fifteen Year Old Blondes! Erection Magnifier - Ten Times Its Size! Hey, look over there, Madonna having sex with nine buffalos!

If there's a noise in the attic or a ladder by the window, it must be us! Get offline and pray for help.


Walter Newboldt with:
Visit our website at http://www.autosource.biz, you'll be quite glad you did. =
Wide quiz: O, would you go away, butt-witted perv? Or is this clue a bit subtle?



1st - Allan Morley with:
Death of a Whale [version 1]


2nd - David Bourke with:

Dolly the cloned sheep has developed arthritis, amid fears that the cloning process is responsible for the early onset of the disease. Professor Ian Wilmut - who helped pioneer Dolly's birth - has said the process may have caused genetic defects. He has called for research to establish the impact of cloning on animal welfare. Cloning techniques may have to be refined to reduce the risk of genetic defects, he says.


Famed big-chested Country 'n' Western singer Dolly Parton has developed arthritis. Professor Kenny Rogers - who is, I feel, chiefly to blame for her celebrated musical successes - has said he hopes, in effect, to scientifically create a clone of the artist. This may raise a sense of the quite alarming prospect of these two obese, old-as-the-hills, high-heeled, top-heavy, deaf old trollops, hand-in-hand, face-to-face, screeching "D.I.V.O.R.C.E" and "Islands In The Stream". Help!!



1st - Santi Spadaro with:
George and Usama =
A dangerous game.

2nd - Mick Tully with: [Darts champion]
Martin Adams =
I'm a darts man.

3rd - Jaybur with:
The Post Impressionist artist Paul Gauguin =
O, sun's up! I must paint Tahiti girl's great pose!

Mary DeVaughn with:
Kelly M. Ripa =
I'm All Perky.

Maurice Goddard with:
Charles Bishop =
I help S.O.B., crash.

Maurice Goddard with:
Michael Gerald Tyson =
Madly cheating loser.

David A. Green with:
Yuri Gagarin, the first man to fly in outer space =
i.e. young guy from planet Earth sits in aircraft.

David A. Green with:
Sergei Vladimir Ilyushin, the first astronaut? =
Dear Yuri, star of Russian TV, is in the limelight.

Meyran Kraus with:
Painter Turner =
Nature printer.

Meyran Kraus with:
Author Oscar Wilde =
Adore such oral wit.


eq.1st - David A. Green with:
Listerine antiseptic mouthwash =
Triumph! It can sweeten halitosis.

eq.1st - John Tezel with:
Fairways Hotel =
Stay for a while.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Budweiser - The King of Beers =
Weekends of true gibberish.

Joe Fathallah with:
Slimfast =
Flat miss.

Maurice Goddard with:
Unmarried Mothers' Centre =
Mourn their recent dreams.

Adrian Hickford with:
Cleopatra's Needle =
Old, arcane steeple.

Jaybur with:
The Waldorf Astoria =
A hotel: awards for it!

Meyran Kraus with:
National Football League =
A foul battle on a goal line!

Allan Morley with:
The Hindenburg =
Thing burned, eh?

Matjaz Pihler with:
Alta Vista search engine =
An essential tag archive.


1st - Jaybur with:


2nd - Walter Newboldt with:

Dolly the cloned sheep has developed arthritis, amid fears that the cloning process is responsible for the early onset of the disease. Professor Ian Wilmut - who helped pioneer Dolly's birth - has said the process may have caused genetic defects. He has called for research to establish the impact of cloning on animal welfare. Cloning techniques may have to be refined to reduce the risk of genetic defects, he says.



Panic sets in as scientists accidentally clone the puerile schlep from england. Ancient prophesy of the fathers foresees high doom! When the two childish creatures come together society shall heavily collapse in a heap of infinite obscenity, offence, cheap foolishness! Art totally destroyed via bomb! world leaders declare crisis! Defeats regiment headquarters! He made death threats! Food shortages! Sheriffs helpless!



Oh hell, another stupid scientist clones wretched Larry Brash too! Now there are two vain, meddlesome psychiatrists perverting the brains of helpless australian patients! Effects of the eerie act equal: civilisation falls, ships/bicycles collide, economy defeated, eerie genocide, anarchy, good harmony fails, hedgehog stampede, honest heroes molested, the dead rise! Heck, fetch the scaffold! Thousands flee off in spaceships!



Ah, another psycho scientist clones Dan Fortier! The harsh senseless act spells doom for the people of earth as the evil twin wreaks havoc! Behold, meteorites heading for city in ashes! Squads of police officers helpless! Deadly damage to the entire planet! Hysterical public screeches in high fear! Hound, ostrich, wolf, toad, and sheep mutate! Fascist regimes elected! Chilling fatal scenes - tremble! Everyone is dead by friday! Shoo!



Heedless of the genetic warnings, careless scientists clone another hurtful creep! Now he can repeat himself even MORE easily!!!!!!!!!
These filthy effects: prisoners escape, goldfish uprising, chiefs baffled, eerie hardship, damp weather, hostile health, earth toasted by headlong asteroid! NATO called in to slay the deadly clone, forced to destroy most of serbia in quest! Hopeless - they can't catch him, OK? (Poor soldiers!) hm, bad fiasco!



These danish scientists clone the local hotheaded recorder player! Mr Young himself's the first victim as the deadly genetic clone suffocates him with his own recorder! Goes on to escape, slay all the shepherds, preachers, officials, labradors, teachers, kittens, heathens, psychiatrists, beetles! Appalling scenes! The police squad is baffled, defeated for ever! Frantic weather! Heed if hoodoo! Famine! Air poisoned by venom! Total hell!


eq.3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Renditions of two sonnets by Wordsworth, one of his best and one of his worst.


eq.3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Douglas Malloch: Be The Best of Whatever You Are


Richard Brodie with:
[The first two verses of "Away in a Manger", made into anagrams.]

These guests in a manger, no crib for a bed;
My little Lord Jesus was laying his head.
Look! stars in the sky, looking down where he lay;
God, may my Lord Jesus, sleep too in the hay.
The cattle are lowing, poor baby's awake,
Ye, swaddled Lord Jesus, Oh no noise ye make.
Thy holy son Jesus sees all from the sky;
Yea, Guard me this night, Lord, 'til morning is nigh.


Richard Brodie with:
[Harry Potter looking into the Mirror of ERISED]
Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi =
I show not your face but your heart's desire. =
Youth's buried core wants you fear - O! It's her!
Curious boy, see death stir - your own father!


Paul Equinox Collins with:
Love by Francis Jammes


Maurice Goddard with: [A verse by Emily Brontë]
"No coward soul is mine."

No coward soul is mine,
No trembler in the world's storm-troubled sphere:
I see Heaven's glories shine,
And faith shines equal, arming me from fear.


"No desirous clown am I."

Grow high harmonious bliss,
Dearest love, fuller life done, and hope enquire?
Than in moments blown, I miss:
Mars man, roses are red, the secret fire.


Meyran Kraus with:
[A group of Escher-related anagrams.]

Maurits Cornelis Escher =
'Incorrect Rules' Messiah.
His muse? 'Real's incorrect.'
Rules? Chaotic merriness!
His 'concrete' surrealism.

Painter Maurits Cornelis Escher =
Chic, surreal misrepresentation.

Maurits Cornelis Escher's 'Waterfall' =
Artist harms science's real-flow rule?
[stream runs up a canal and falls into itself]

Maurits Cornelis Escher's 'Belvedere' =
Is absurd - levels seem incorrect here.
[a building in which the 2 upper levels tangle]

Maurits Cornelis Escher's 'Ascending and Descending' =
Endless, undone march is strange, discarding science.
[figures march in a square that seems to be always going upwards]

Maurits Cornelis Escher's 'Sky and Water (Two)' =
Is where swans turn to cods, merely as a trick.
[black birds turn into white fish]

Maurits Cornelis Escher's 'Hand With Reflecting Sphere' =
See the endless mirror which a painter's fingers clutch.
[hand holding crystal ball which reflects the artist drawing it]


Tom Myers with: [A horror plot]
It is a horrid story: A castle basement, ~
a mad scientist's laboratory is there. ~
His dirty lab is to create a monster as ~
a try to best death, so a criminal rises!


Jeff Roy with:
[The most recent James Bond film, in anagrams.]


[In the beginning, a terrorist is pursuing an oil heiress. Things look bad for our hero:]
Ghost hunted oil owner.
Gun wielder no hot-shot.

[But Bond beats the bad guys...]
Now, hero! Thugs idle not!
Hunt down hostile ogre.
Lightest wound on hero.
Shot renowned oil thug.
Gun-totin' hero led show!

[...and gets the girl.]
O! Now hot girl enthused!
Show Londoner huge tit.
She nude, worth tooling.
Lower onto nude thighs.
Nude loins grew hot! Hot!
Oh! One stud won the girl!

[The verdict?]
Uh, old. Not worth seeing.

[But we liked Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist.]
Oh! Denise hot! (low grunt)


Jeff Roy with:


The Anagrammy Awards