MARCH 2005 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2005


THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Paul Lusch with:
The crime investigator =
He interrogates victim.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A trained sushi chef =
He's a tuna-fish dicer!

3rd - Dean Mayer with:
Asteroid threats =
Disaster to Earth.

Tony Crafter with:
A mortal sin =
Moral stain.

David Bourke with:
A nine month gestation period =
Oh no! It ends in great pain to me!

David Bourke with:
A strongish wind, ~
it's snowing hard.

David Bourke with:
Loads adore Diana. =
(Dead as a doornail).

Larry Brash with:
Gaydar =
Drag? Ya!

Tony Crafter with:
All-American vice =
Vanilla ice cream.

Tony Crafter with:
Ice-cream sundaes ~
seduce Americans.

Tony Crafter with:
Prejudicial =
Jap ridicule.

Joe Fathallah with:
English restaurant =
"Lager has nutrients!"

Dan Fortier with:
"Why am I not dead?"
"Dad, I'm on the way!"

Dan Fortier with:
You're skating on thin ice =
i.e., you can't get on his rink.

Toby Gottfried with:
Eating crow =
Cite a wrong.

Meyran Kraus with:
The United States' Foreign Policy =
Plenty of countries that I sieged.

Dean Mayer with:
Captain's table =
Pals can be at it.

Dean Mayer with:
"Time, please!" =
Empties ale.

Dean Mayer with:
Convert to atheism =
Mean to veto Christ.

Dean Mayer with:
I'm playing online poker =
Likely I am opening porn.

Rosie Perera with:
Cartographer =
Graph creator.

Rosie Perera with:
Usability testing ~
gains best utility.

Don Rogers with:
Electrocardiogram =
Miracle doctor gear.

Rick Rothstein with:
Although not desirable, ~
There is no God but Allah.

Rick Rothstein with:
Idle Arab's lone thought, ~
"There is no God but Allah!"

Rick Rothstein with:
Removes the foreskin? ~
Is kosher event for me.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Coronary Care Units =
Your heart, it's a concern.

Rick Rothstein with:
Crime Scene Investigation =
I see innocent victim's rage.

Christopher Sturdy with:
A nine month gestation period =
I'm pregnant, and then..."Oi oi! Toes!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
Intellectual property rights =
It'll partly protect her genius.

Christopher Sturdy with:
All that glitters is not gold =
Little light to dart on glass.

View with:
The video camera =
A home art device.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
'Travel Guide To London' =
I'd love to tour England!

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare =
Whole script's a Marlowe fake, like the poems.

3rd - View with:
Actor Sidney Poitier =
One Oscar. Pity, I tried!

David Bourke with:
The EMI Abbey Road Recording Studios, London =
Interior honoured by damn good Beatle discs!

Larry Brash with:
Irish comedian, Dave Allen =
Dead male lives on in chair.

Tony Crafter with:
'Shogun' - James Clavell's epic adventure story =
Classic novel surveys the old Japan. True gem.

Tony Crafter with:
Bridget Jones' panties ~
ain't designer-jobs, pet!

Scott Gardner with:
Miss Catherine Elise Blanchett =
I'll be the actress in the cinemas.

Toby Gottfried with:
Erich Segal: "Love Story" =
Oliver got cheery lass.

Toby Gottfried with:
World Figure Skating Championship =
Tripped faking Salchow, souring him.

Bo Bielefeldt with:
Is "E!" violent ~
television?

Paul Lusch with:
The model and actress Denise Richards ~
discards sad, tormented Charlie Sheen.

Christopher Sturdy with:
The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole - Sue Townsend =
Seeing wet dreams of long unions with Pandora.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Chicago millionaire adventurer Steve Fossett =
See, this noted flier loves to circumnavigate Earth!

2nd - Richard Brodie with:
Should Terri Schiavo's feeding tube be taken out? =
I feel about her need to die but oh, starving sucks!

3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Michael Jackson court case =
Teen claim: "He's just a cockroach".

David Bourke with:
The Star Spangled Banner =
Arab plans strengthened.

David Bourke with:
School massacre =
Classroom aches.

Tony Crafter with:
What is Tony Blair's current public image? =
War enthusiast; grubby political mincer.

Dan Fortier with:
Syria's departure from Lebanon? =
Spare me furor: it's darn baloney!

Dan Fortier with:
The Easter Bunny is coming =
His sugary content be mine.

Dan Fortier with:
Petrol's prices =
Prospects rile.

Don Rogers with:
"Androstenedione?" ~
"No indeed, Senator!"

Rick Rothstein with:
North Korea's nuclear potential; ~
reckon it's a pure threat on all, no?

Rick Rothstein with:
The Terri Schiavo case =
Starve her? It's a choice.


THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
The Norwegian artist Edvard Munch =
Tortured hand-waving in "The Scream".

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Sarah Michelle Gellar =
I agree she'll charm all.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The singer and blues guitarist Eric Clapton =
Regrets cocaine... but still standing up, I hear!

David Bourke with:
The singer Delta Goodrem =
Degenerates might drool.

Tony Crafter with:
Dylan Marlais Thomas =
This sadly amoral man.

Toby Gottfried with:
Yves St. Laurent =
Style nuts rave.

Bo Bielefeldt with:
Fat actress Kirstie Alley =
Likely starts? Cafeterias!

Meyran Kraus with:
The US president Abraham Lincoln =
Shot this learned Republican man.

View with:
Miss Serena Williams =
Win slam, smile arises.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Eastern Africa =
A safari center.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Burger King's Enormous Omelet Sandwich =
Oh, malign new grub induces more strokes.

3rd - Toby Gottfried with:
The California Desert =
Its air can feel red hot.

David Bourke with:
Ponti's Italian restaurant =
A pasta isn't real nutrition!

David Bourke with:
The First World Gay Million Party =
Wild orgy plot: Many a shirtlifter.

Larry Brash with:
The Daniel F. Etter Memorial Award =
I dreamt of a medal win there....
Later!

Tony Crafter with:
Find a honeymoon thrill at ~
the Mayfair (London) Hilton.

Tony Crafter with:
Last Post Ceremony =
Solemn act, to Ypres.

Dan Fortier with:
AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome) =
Medic inquiry decided cause for many is... men!

Scott Gardner with:
The My Lai massacre =
America slays them.

David A. Green with:
The American Association of Hypnotherapists =
Ah, they hope to assist man in a soporific trance.

Paul Lusch with:
Centers For Disease Control =
Screen co-ed tart for lesions.

Dean Mayer with:
The General Synod =
Ensnare the godly.

Don Rogers with:
The My Lai massacre =
Hamlet says, "A crime".

Rick Rothstein with:
The United States Supreme Court =
Procedures, statutes unite them.

View with:
Charles Darwin's 'Theory of evolution' =
Soul of vital, narrow, CHOSEN heredity.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! =
What a fool is Mr Bush! how extreme in opinion! how wet and vapid in mind! in waffle so fancy, in ignorance so remarkable!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Star Wars: Episodes I (The Phantom Menace), II (Attack of the Clones) and III (Revenge of the Sith) =
It irks me how these digital movie adaptations erase the past innocence of the franchise!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Is the Northern Ireland peace process in danger of collapse? =
Alas, IRA presence lends peril, threatening hopes of concord.

David Bourke with:
The International Association of Gay Square Dance Clubs =
An accurate fact: A "good ol' boy" is in leather, sequins 'n' satin!

David Bourke with:
The sisters Paula, Donna, Gemma, Claire and Catherine McCartney, and Bridgeen Hagans =
A clan that demands that Irish Republican Army end renegade gangs menace scenario.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Some women, I wouldn't throw out of bed for eating biscuits ~
but this is not true of Ann 'woeful' Widdecombe. Sow too grim!


THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
The Passion and the Resurrection =
Death upon cross, inter, then arise.

2nd - Don Rogers with:
The Crucifixion and the Resurrection =
His end: horrific execution; return act.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Easter bunny made of dark chocolate =
From a neat coloured candy basket, eh?

David Bourke with:
The Resurrection is just a myth =
Nutter theory: "I am Jesus Christ!"

Larry Brash with:
Jesus Christ dies on the cross with two thieves to save us all =
One Jewish lad who survives so to see this cultish sect start.

Tony Crafter with:
On the road to Calvary =
Have ton load to carry.

Dan Fortier with:
Here comes Peter Cottontail: hopping down the bunny trail! =
Repent! Would my hope in the Christ not bring on total peace?

Toby Gottfried with:
The Easter Sunrise service =
Resurrect -- even as I see this.

Meyran Kraus with:
Give Easter candy =
See cavity danger.

Meyran Kraus with:
Gift basket for Easter =
Offer tikes treat bags.

Dean Mayer with:
Happy Easter's... ~
apt phrase, yes?

Rick Rothstein with:
Sunday morning services =
Saviour ends men's crying.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
[A news story clip from the DeHavilland website]

The Queen will miss the civil wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles on April 8th, Buckingham Palace has confirmed.

As the prince and Mrs Parker Bowles wished to keep the occasion a "low-key" affair, the Queen would honour their plans and stay away, the palace said.

But the sovereign intends to join the congregation at a church blessing service led by the Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams in St George's Chapel at Windsor Castle, following the civil wedding, the spokesman added.

=

Top Ten Reasons The Queen Is Ditching Charles and Camilla's Wedding:

10. Her corgis will have to be spayed for it.
9. She doesn't want to be the Belle of the Ball.
8. She saw Camilla's frock.
7. She saw Charles' frock.
6. Gift-wrapping a bag of dry Kibble can be trickier than it appears.
5. She planned a craved tryst with a suicide machine.
4. She planned to drunkenly mount a sad old equine of her own.
3. Interviewing dirty hunchbacks to man Camilla's position in Notre Dame will have her occupied.
2. Swallowing the Crown Jewels will have her occupied.
1. She's opposed to gay marriage.

 

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
(The professor to his errant pupil)
"Alas, you were caught fighting a liar in the quad again. You have also hissed all my mystery lectures and have tasted two whole worms, so I suggest you catch the next town drain and be gone."
=
Phew! A batty Oxford don, the Reverend William Spooner, transposes the initial letters of words whilst he harangues a young scallywag, catalogues his inadequacy, and suggests the youth might evacuate any time or hour.

 

3rd - David Bourke with:
"I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's." - Mark Twain
=
Many, many core voters in America now feel, in President George Walker Bush, is in fact, a testament to this view. An ignorant, top-rank moron... no question!

 

Don Rogers with:
Termination Practice.

* Firing incompetent employees is problem business. Major employers (those short in responsibility), hovering ominously but pressing the discharge to themselves, will not simply "can" some obviously unfit workers. These are but miserable managers.

=

* "Managers"? Miserable! But -- are these workers unfit? Obviously! Some can simply not will themselves to discharge the pressing, but ominously hovering responsibility. In short, those employers' major business problem is employees' incompetent firing.

* Practice termination!

 


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Mike Keith with:
Nine Anagrammatic Views of Mt. Fuji (with Kanji)

 

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A sonnet by Keats, anagrammed into three poems each in the style of different poet

 

3rd - David Bourke with:
Afroman - 'Because I Got High'

 

David Bourke with:
Hail Mary, full of grace

 

Tony Crafter with:
He comes not with a clamorous gush

 


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Relationship expert =
Rotten sex? I help pair.

2nd - Joe Fathallah with:
"The Sun" tabloid newspaper =
Hands out bare, wet nipples.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Have safe intercourse =
I cover these fun areas.

David Bourke with:
The red-blooded male ~
led a model to her bed.

David Bourke with:
Ethnic segregation =
Nice to hate niggers!

Tony Crafter with:
Plays the pink oboe =
Happily see to knob.

Dan Fortier with:
Anal penetrations =
Learn to "tan" a penis.

Dan Fortier with:
Whore's peed on her sitting lovers =
It's the "golden shower" perversion!

Dean Mayer with:
Men get a ho ~
on the game.

Paul Pan with:
Autoerotic strangulation =
True onanist goal: to cut air.

Don Rogers with:
Furry fetish =
Fresh & fruity!

Rick Rothstein with:
Got on a penis, ride it, moan, then ~
a nine month gestation period.

Rick Rothstein with:
Anal intercourse =
Arse in a 'cunt' role.

Rick Rothstein with:
Isn't deeds of whores, trollops ~
the world's oldest profession?

View with:
Oldest profession =
I sold for ten pesos.


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