APRIL 2005 NOMINATIONS
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Awards > Nomination Archives > 2005
THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Dean Mayer with:
Familiarity breeds contempt =
Bet it's typical of married men.
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
A depression =
One's despair.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The typical blonde-haired woman =
On the whole, rated incapably dim.
Tony Crafter with:
"Resume play?" ~
"My pleasure."
Tony Crafter with:
A healthy diet =
The daily hate.
Tony Crafter with:
A typical diva =
I act a lady VIP.
Ellie Dent with:
Staying slim for life ~
if I'm frying a lot less.
Ellie Dent with:
Playing Solitaire =
Pity... a girl is alone.
Ellie Dent with:
Nostalgia =
It's analog??!
Ellie Dent with:
Noteworthiness ‡
Show no interest.
Toby Gottfried with:
Don't put all your eggs in one basket =
Plan touted, but seen risky long ago.
Adrian Hickford with:
I, an old spinster lady =
Sad and lonely spirit.
Adrian Hickford with:
Bearded Ladies ‡
Dead desirable.
Meyran Kraus with:
Combat injury =
Cut, in army job.
Dean Mayer with:
The questionmaster =
Man: he set our IQ test.
Dean Mayer with:
Members of an AOL chat room =
Becomes "ROFLMAO" marathon.
Dean Mayer with:
Movie downloads =
O, damn slow video.
Dean Mayer with:
Holiday romance =
Lady in each room.
Dean Mayer with:
The wise man =
He's mean wit.
Dean Mayer with:
Videotapes ~
a TV episode.
Dean Mayer with:
He is not long for this world =
Grown old? Oh, isn't life short?
Dean Mayer with:
A devoted Christian ~
divorced an atheist.
Dean Mayer with:
Dangerous =
One guards.
Dean Mayer with:
A dirty old man =
My dad on trial.
Dean Mayer with:
The hospital ward =
"Health" is apt word.
Dean Mayer with:
I think I'll vote for the Green Party this time =
I imply that it evokes neither right nor left.
Dean Mayer with:
Barmaid =
Am a bird.
Dean Mayer with:
Pearls of wisdom =
i.e. words of Psalm?
Dean Mayer with:
I'm on a diet =
Am I to dine?
Dean Mayer with:
I don't use clothes in ~
the nudist colonies.
Dean Mayer with:
Plead guilty =
Legal tidy-up?
Dean Mayer with:
The female impersonator =
He's after pantomime role.
Dean Mayer with:
The start of a new summer ~
features warmest month.
Matthew O'Dempsey with:
Rude Section =
Erotic Nudes.
Rosie Perera with:
Nike "swoosh" =
I know shoes.
Rosie Perera with:
Dog meets porcupine =
Pierced nose, top gum.
Rosie Perera with:
Grade on a bell shaped curve =
He landed B or C-plus average.
Rosie Perera with:
Clarinet players =
Really nice parts.
Rosie Perera with:
Adventurous =
Van toured U.S.
Rosie Perera with:
The university endowment =
We invested money in truth.
Rosie Perera with:
The expurgated version =
Expunge or revised that.
Rosie Perera with:
Southerly =
Surely hot.
Rosie Perera with:
Rosary =
A "Sorry!"
Rosie Perera with:
Sweet dreams ~
saw me rested.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
The art of seduction =
Act of true hedonist.
Rick Rothstein with:
Television charts ~
historical events.
Rick Rothstein with:
An erotic ~
reaction.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Glass of water ~
was e.g. for salt.
Turb with:
The tsunami scare on December =
Merchants rose, became united.
View with:
Pour cold water on... =
Cool down rapture.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Star Clint Eastwood ~
also wants to direct.
2nd - Dan Fortier with:
Tiger Woods is the man! =
"Good, I win the Masters!"
3rd - Don P. Fortier with:
Hillary Clinton's black comedy =
"Kill My Bill" (any chance, doctors?)
David Bourke with:
The singers Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan =
Serene disc: An Irishman and a nightingale.
David Bourke with:
The cartoon character Popeye the Sailor Man =
Oh, tar ate more spinach to reach real potency!
David Bourke with:
Family Fortunes =
Motley ruffians.
Larry Brash with:
The Italian composer Antonio Lucio Vivaldi =
I am a poor, Catholic, loud, Venetian violinist.
Tony Crafter with:
Actress Demi Moore =
Most mediocre arse!
Tony Crafter with:
'I Close My Eyes And Count To Ten' =
Dusty cannot see me too nicely.
Ellie Dent with:
Constable's masterpiece, "The Haywain" =
The way he obtains a simple cart scene.
Scott Gardner with:
Edouard Manet's "A Bar at the Folies-Bergere" =
A maiden guards area; bottles of beer there.
Scott Gardner with:
Edouard Manet's painting "Le Dejeuner sur L'Herbe" =
A girl posed nude here in nature; bad men just leer.
Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet's "The Water Lily Pond" =
He'll paint wet or muddy scene a lot.
Toby Gottfried with:
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds =
Why not like this dandy music?
Richard Grantham with:
Sandro Botticelli =
Artistic old noble.
Meyran Kraus with:
The animation film Shrek by DreamWorks Studio =
Who talks for a monster? I had Mike Myers dub it in!
Dean Mayer with:
Police Squad! ~
Used a lo-I.Q. P.C.!
Dean Mayer with:
The Pam and Tommy video =
A TV nympho made me do it.
Rosie Perera with:
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy =
Hi, that author highly excited geeks.
Rosie Perera with:
Violin players =
lovely in pairs.
Don Rogers with:
Demolition Derby =
Body remodel in it.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The traditional Passover meal =
To have a Seder is all-important.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Despite hope, ~
the Pope dies.
3rd - ofap with:
Labour Party Manifesto =
Tony Blair maps our fate.
David Bourke with:
Tony Blair's election manifesto =
More nasty lies, notable fiction.
David Bourke with:
The Apostolic Palace in Rome =
Pope's critical, alone at home.
David Bourke with:
Tony rules? =
Surely not!
David Bourke with:
Labour to win? =
Blair out now!!!
David Bourke with:
The election is on the fifth of May =
A time to finish Tony off, the leech.
Tony Crafter with:
Charles will have to postpone his nuptials on Friday ~
in plans to avoid clash with Holy Pope's funeral rites.
Dan Fortier with:
Iraqi insurgents are ~
in square near Tigris.
Don P. Fortier with:
John Paul the Second passes in Rome =
Pope, Holiness, hero -- ascend, just man.
Adrian Hickford with:
The Jackson Trial =
Reckon that's jail.
Meyran Kraus with:
His Holiness Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger) =
Highest vicar's prized job? So, he's next in line!
Dean Mayer with:
Mesalliance =
Camilla seen.
Dean Mayer with:
Operation Desert Storm ~
imposed terror on state.
Dean Mayer with:
The Conservative Party Manifesto =
A strain, even for sympathetic vote.
Dean Mayer with:
Tony Blair versus Michael Howard =
Hah! Idle New Labour vs Tory racism.
Rosie Perera with:
The honeymoon at Balmoral =
Month at a noble royal home.
Don Rogers with:
Conclave of the Cardinals =
Ah, concord; fill "vacant See".
Don Rogers with:
April fifteenth =
A pilferin' theft!
Rick Rothstein with:
The Royal Wedding =
Now delayed, right?
Christopher Sturdy with:
"Are you thinking what we're thinking?" =
"Hey, a git! Right wanker! No win in the UK!"
View with:
The Conclave of Cardinals =
Called... chosen for Vatican.
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Will Shakespeare ~
speaks well, I hear.
2nd - David Bourke with:
His Holiness Pope Benedict =
Ich bin ein hopeless despot.
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The apostle Judas =
A plot -- Jesus' death.
David Bourke with:
Joseph Aloysius Ratzinger =
Oh, Jesus-praising zealotry!
David Bourke with:
Lee David Bowyer =
Believed "a rowdy".
Tony Crafter with:
Grigori Rasputin and the Empress Alexandra =
Mad Russian, in ego-trip, had regal sex-partner.
Jeff Fishman with:
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger =
John P. regrets radical Nazi.
Jeff Fishman with:
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger =
Do gentile Nazi chaps jarrr?
Scott Gardner with:
The apostle Saint Peter =
Pope line starts at thee.
Toby Gottfried with:
Edouard Manet =
Mature? No, dead.
Meyran Kraus with:
Benedict XVI (Joseph Ratzinger) =
He gets in prized Vicar job next.
Rosie Perera with:
German painter and engraver Albrecht Durer =
I'm grand angel etcher; pure art never ran drab.
Rick Rothstein with:
Camilla, the Duchess of Rothesay =
She's daft, homelier... a lousy catch.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
London's Westminster Abbey =
One wanders by silent tombs.
2nd - Don Rogers with:
Fat Man and Little Boy =
I flatten land by atom.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
US Office of Management and Budget =
Fudge; finance mega amounts of debt.
David Bourke with:
Evinrude outboard motors =
Rumoured to drive (on boats).
David Bourke with:
The Stella Artois Appreciation Society =
"Each real costly pint I taste, I praise too!"
David Bourke with:
The Costa Brava region of Spain =
Brits, one vat of cheapo sangria.
Larry Brash with:
St. Peter's Basilica, Rome =
Pieta, relics (ears), tombs.
Tony Crafter with:
Rubens At The Palace =
A respectable haunt.
Dan Fortier with:
Arctic National Wildlife Refuge =
A few can drill it, get oil; face ruin.
Don P. Fortier with:
The Masters Golf Tournament =
Most men start hunt for Eagle.
Dean Mayer with:
Smith and Wesson =
Shot 'n' missed? Naw!
Dean Mayer with:
The Arab/Israeli conflict ~
riles each tribal faction.
Rosie Perera with:
Perrier, Evian... bottled water =
Terrible, overrated, we pan it.
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Miami Heat =
Hi, I'm a team!
Don Rogers with:
Seattle Supersonics =
Let's unite, pass, score!
Rick Rothstein with:
American prostitutes... ~
at times, Puerto Ricans.
View with:
Hispanists =
It's Spanish.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The movie 'Raiders of the Lost Ark', directed by Steven Spielberg =
It's a biblical trove from God they seek, preserved in the desert.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
NOTE: This forum is moderated. Spam posts will be removed promptly. =
We promise to dump morbid adverts from all those simpleton types.
3rd - Dean Mayer with:
The election candidacies of Tony Blair, Michael Howard and Charles Kennedy ~
as held in national democracy handled by choice of three identical wankers.
David Bourke with:
His Holiness the Pope (Benedict the Sixteenth) - the former Cardinal Joseph Aloysius Ratzinger =
Jesus H. Christ! At the age he is, I expect he'll be horizontal, prone, finished pretty damn soon, sire!
David Bourke with:
Prince Rainier Louis Henri Maxence Bertrand Grimaldi of Monaco =
Monarch into finance... married Grace, expired, billionaires mourn.
Tony Crafter with:
"Ra-ra-Rasputin, lover of the Russian queen, it was a shame how he carried on..." (From 'Rasputin' - old Boney M hit) =
Tsarina's immoral paramour. He was poisoned, shot and thrown in a river (ouch) but, queerly, he's fine after!
Rosie Perera with:
Rembrandt's masterpiece "The Return of the Prodigal Son" =
Dimmed brother turns, glares at father's open reception.
Rosie Perera with:
The Italian church painter, Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio ~
invented chiaroscuro, a real hip, magical light in each art image.
Rosie Perera with:
Alexander Pope's great "Essay on Man" begins:
"Know then thyself, presume not God to scan;
The proper study of mankind is man."
=
The content marks man's bankrupt foppery, anger, relaxed pomp, and... yes... nonsense. It ends: "Though man's a fool, yet God is wise."
Rosie Perera with:
Did you know that 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary? =
True, but... Gotcha, I did! What silly ninny looked in it?
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
2nd - David Bourke with:
The Queen will miss the civil wedding of Prince Charles
and Camilla Parker Bowles on April 8th, Buckingham Palace
has confirmed. As the prince and Mrs Parker Bowles wished
to keep the occasion a "low-key" affair, the Queen would
honour their plans and stay away, the palace said. But the
sovereign intends to join the congregation at a church
blessing service led by the Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan
Williams in St George's Chapel at Windsor Castle, following
the civil wedding, the spokesman added.
=
The 8 vital reasons Prince Charles is quite happy to wed
Camilla Parker Bowles:
- Posh, intelligent, has whole character, advanced wit
...yet she's cheap!
- Accepts won't be Queen.
- Martin Bashir has no interest in interviewing her.
- Elton John won't be doing a piece about her fast.
- Doesn't listen to Duran Duran/Wham!/Phil Collins CDs
- Won't be producing half-siblings for William/Harry.
- Ravaged, craggy, pachyderm-faced, looks decomposed.
- Lewd, wicked... bangs like a shithouse door in a gale.
(She'll make Chuck a fine wife!)
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Childhood by Michael Jackson
Rosie Perera with:
Buttprints in the Sand
Christopher Sturdy with:
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears." The opening words of Mark Antony's famous speech in Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare.
=
John F. Kennedy inaugurated an unlucky presidency with, "My fellow Americans..."
for prose [or some aromas] help us remember assassinations.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Mike Keith with:
Shakespeare's 66th sonnet
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
An excerpt from The Parson's Tale
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Shakespeare's 97th sonnet
David Bourke with:
'Mandy' - Barry Manilow
Tony Crafter with:
There was a young babe from Skravire,
Who succumbed to her sweetheart's desire;
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Would you push it a few inches higher!"
=
There was a mute monk in Tinthire,
Who fought this salacious desire;
And its obvious cause,
Was the abbesses' drawers,
Which were hung up to dry by the fire!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Mike Keith with:
His large penis ~
is pleasing her.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A pair of crotchless panties =
Has rip for potential access.
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Interactive porn =
Pervert in action.
Bo Bielefeldt with:
The water closet =
See twat, chortle.
David Bourke with:
Club Eighteen-Thirty holidays =
Ugly bitch is ready in the hotel!
David Bourke with:
Patrick Cash =
Thick as crap.
David Bourke with:
Thomas Crapper, the "inventor of the flushing toilet" =
Great merit proven: "Pull the chain, then off it shoots!"
Tony Crafter with:
An English prostitute ~
isn't tight. No pleasure.
Tony Crafter with:
Angelina Jolie's ass =
I ogle a lass in jeans.
Joe Fathallah with:
Michael Howard's Manifesto =
Low racism of mean shithead.
Dean Mayer with:
She has got child-bearing hips =
Also big hard penis, chest-high.
Dean Mayer with:
Shit for brains =
Or, British fans.
nedesto with:
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger =
J-P rogers Nazi in cathedral.
Paul Pan with:
Breast augmentation =
An utmost giant EE bra!
Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Denise van Outen =
One evident anus.
Rick Rothstein with:
A lesbian experience =
Exercise a penile ban.
Rick Rothstein with:
Monthly issue =
One mushy slit.
Rick Rothstein with:
The singer Katie Melua =
Genitalia must reek, eh?
View with:
Pornographic videotapes =
Proposed topic - her vagina.
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