JUNE, 2006 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards >Anagrammy Archives > 2006


THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Dean Mayer with:
'Slices of bread' ~
describes loaf.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Professional lion tamer =
One's in peril of a lost arm.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The shoe lover =
Hot over heels?

aussie battler with:
Spring came ~
scampering.

aussie battler with:
Quantified ~
quite a find!

David Bourke with:
Dead and gone =
Aged and done.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The bachelor party =
Try a cheap brothel.

Tony Crafter with:
Scrotal impediment in ~
spermicidal ointment.

Tony Crafter with:
The salesman ~
meant hassle.

Ellie Dent with:
Offensive to all women? =
Often some vain fellow...

Ellie Dent with:
The stout woman ~
who must not eat!

Toby Gottfried with:
There's no place like home =
Heck, more sleep in a hotel.

Meyran Kraus with:
The co-ed saunas =
So, each sat nude?

Dean Mayer with:
Case for the prosecution ~
to accuse the prisoner of ...

Dean Mayer with:
Fertilise ‡
if sterile?

Paul Pan with:
Scar in neck =
skin cancer?

Paul Pan with:
Fascist rule =
racist's fuel.

Rick Rothstein with:
Well, now I have seen everything! =
Oh really? View the evening news!

View with:
Scum of the Earth =
Term of such hate.


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
Rembrandt, "The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp" =
Smart men of Holland study inert corpse on a table.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Leonardo da Vinci's "The Last Supper" =
Lord Savior and pupils at the scene.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Milton's 'Paradise Regained'=
Serial poem deriding Satan.

Amir Begovic with:
The actress Nicole Kidman =
One kitsch star led cinema.

David Bourke with:
The Canadian/Portuguese singer Nelly Kim Furtado =
A cure to Dido, her funky pulsating single 'Maneater'.

Tony Crafter with:
'Burnt Toast' - Teri Hatcher's advice book =
Thin star overcooks the cut-bread a bit!

Ellie Dent with:
Agatha Christie's Miss Marple =
She is aghast at primal crimes!

Ellie Dent with:
"And Then There Were None": Agatha Christie =
So, her ĎTení are changed in a new theatre hit.

Scott Gardner with:
Old master Peter Paul Rubens =
Adores real plump brunettes.

Scott Gardner with:
Raphael, The Tempi Madonna =
Ah, man painted pale mother.

Toby Gottfried with:
The Musèe du Louvre's Winged Victory of Samothrace =
Much more crying due over view of statue's lost head.

Rick Rothstein with:
The movie 'Superman Returns' =
I've superhuman tormenters.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer =
For real pathetic boob, Lauder.

View with:
The singer Little Richard =
Recreated thrilling hits.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Iranians' nuclear weapons =
I can see another war in US plan.

2nd - View with:
Christians, Muslims and the Jews =
Jerusalem stands within schism.

3rd - ofap with:
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi terminated =
I'm amazed at war result in Baquba.

Tony Crafter with:
Terror leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's termination ~
as USA bomb-team neutralize errant Iraqi warlord.

Tony Crafter with:
The Guantanamo suicides =
Anguish caused to inmate?

Tony Crafter with:
Those Heather Mills porn pictures =
The poses'll smirch her reputation.

Tony Crafter with:
USA 'heroism' ~
is our shame.

Ellie Dent with:
Andre Agassi at Wimbledon =
Man, I'd go see a bald star win.

Don Fortier with:
A near-criminal group ran ~
Iranian nuclear program.

Meyran Kraus with:
A new Iranian nuclear station =
Cause in an international war?

Meyran Kraus with:
Nuclear power and reactors of Iran =
A precursor of intolerance and war.

Rosie Perera with:
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is really dead? =
A lawless burial. Dubya amazed Iraq.

Don Rogers with:
Terrorist leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi eliminated =
Result: A wartime bomber raid neutralizes Al-Qaida.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Lawn Tennis Championships at Wimbledon =
Competitions... when the 'bald man' plans his win.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Miss Ann Coulter =
Nastier columns

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The former president Saddam Hussein =
Punish the arrested man for misdeeds.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Saint Catherine =
A Christian teen

Tony Crafter with:
Senator Joseph Raymond McCarthy =
Catch me a major trophy, sonny. Reds!

Tony Crafter with:
Vitas Gerulaitis =
Vile as guitarist.

Ellie Dent with:
The Irish poet , William Butler Yeats =
Illustrate ability here with poems.

Ellie Dent with:
Miss Coulter ~
is most cruel....

Toby Gottfried with:
Mathematician Carl Friedrich Gauss =
"I, a lad, can figure arithmetic's charms."

Scott Gardner with:
Miss Ann Hart Coulter =
Hear columnist's rant

Meyran Kraus with:
The former president Saddam Hussein =
Fiendish despot, then a mass murderer.

Rick Rothstein with:
The pop singer Britney Spears ~
is pregnant. Pre-birth pose? Yes!


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Toby Gottfried with:
The American Dental Association =
To attain each smile and no caries.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The National Pollen and Aerobiology Research Unit ~
are ideally able to help a running nose, or an itch, too.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
England's Manchester International Airport =
It costs an arm and leg on an internal trip here.

Larry Brash with:
Exodus International =
Erudition... not anal sex!

David Bourke with:
The Sacred Guitar Association =
Artiste: "A good Christian cause!"

Tony Crafter with:
The 'Granite City' of Aberdeen =
Fancy here to get inebriated!

Scott Gardner with:
The Sumatran Rhinoceros =
A horn? Snout carries them!

Meyran Kraus with:
Bellagio Hotel and Casino =
I lose bet and gain alcohol.

Don Rogers with:
Pythagorean theorem =
Me?!? "The, er, hy-pot-a....." (Groan!)

Rick Rothstein with:
The White and Black Rhinoceros... ~
two horns, hide can be real thick.

View with:
British Airways =
Brits, Irish away!


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Michael Gerson, top speech-writer to president Bush for years, is leaving the administration =
Having inspected that report, I am basically surprised! Someone *wrote* these inferior things?!

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
'Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte' ('Un dimanche aprés-midi ‡ l'Ile de la Grande Jatte') =
Pointillism as an art: an idea of one talented Frenchman, Seurat, and adjudged a real delight. Enjoy!

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Motion picture "The Da Vinci Code"'s mauled by negative critics =
Intrepid, comic-cut academics investigate body in The Louvre.

David Bourke with:
"Chew on This: Everything You Didn't Want to Know About Fast Food" by Eric Schlosser and Charles Wilson =
One study to show rotund, flabby, lardarses ways how the "Golden Arches" connives with K.F.C. to coin it in.

Tony Crafter with:
Margaret Hassan's family blame British Government for her death =
Hefty errors. Grave mismanagement. Has Mr Blair felt bad? Ha! Shit, no!


THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
The World Cup Finals in Germany =
England fail, country whimpers.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The World Cup finals in Germany =
France may win during hot spell.

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The World Cup Finals in Germany=
Germans would play French in it.

David Bourke with:
Many foreigners will pan Dutch.

David Bourke with:
Final glory...can Sweden triumph?

David Bourke with:
Three Lions fancying plum draw.

David Bourke with:
Real pros...a "Flying Dutchmen" win!

Larry Brash with:
My tip - Winner's gold haul: France.

Larry Brash with:
Up? Down? French team is rallying.

Larry Brash with:
Manic play on turf. English drew.

Andrew Brehaut with:
France wins trophy in dull game.

Andrew Brehaut with:
French played US. Margin: two-nil.

Tony Crafter with:
Can proud Mr. Wayne lift English?

Tony Crafter with:
If England won, it's a cherry plum!

Tony Crafter with:
Such form! Let England win, I pray.

Tony Crafter with:
Merry England is awful on pitch!

Ellie Dent with:
England fly in: warm up; hit; SCORE!

Ellie Dent with:
All fat, whingin' Poms need curry.

Ellie Dent with:
I'm playing down a French result.

Ellie Dent with:
Few simply chant our I N-G E R-L A N D!

Ellie Dent with:
Stunning way Cahill performed!

Toby Gottfried with:
Truly hoping France wins medal.

Toby Gottfried with:
Wilder French put in many goals.

Toby Gottfried with:
My! Iran, Sweden, Portugal flinch.

Toby Gottfried with:
England!?! may win the Cup, Sir? (ROFL)

Adrian Hickford with:
Dutch win, from Spain, generally.

Meyran Kraus with:
Italy lads win Frenchmen group.

Dean Mayer with:
Largely in Man Utd FC ownership.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Who'll deny Argentina's cup firm?

ofap with:
England triumph! Wayne frolics.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
French player must win a gold in

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
FYI, England won clear triumphs!

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Poland? France might surely win!

Hans-Peter Reich with:
Dutchmen playing for real wins.

Don Rogers with:
Angola trumps, French yield win.

Don Rogers with:
Fun Nip nightmare: Yellow cards.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Merciful as England win trophy.

View with:
Why I mourn? England - first place.


THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

eq.1st - Larry Brash with:
The World Cup Finals in Germany =
Crushing win led from a penalty.

eq.1st - Paul Pan with:
The World Cup finals in Germany =
Champions win, feel truly grand!

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The World Cup Finals in Germany =
Nap? Screw? Only during halftime!

Andrew Brehaut with:
They pull in menacing forwards.

David Bourke with:
S-G.E. prominent. (And awfully rich!)

Larry Brash with:
Play at Munchen? Wrong field, sir!

Larry Brash with:
Wing player ends match: four-nil.

Tony Crafter with:
Wayne plus girlfriend. Match on!

Ellie Dent with:
We fly in, launch sporting dream.

Ellie Dent with:
I'll watch puny, damn foreigners!

Ellie Dent with:
Winning match play led for sure!

Toby Gottfried with:
Fat, older players winning much?

Toby Gottfried with:
Prouder fans yelling, "Win match!"

Toby Gottfried with:
Wonderful match play reigns in

Meyran Kraus with:
Floundering man? Switch player!

Meyran Kraus with:
Fine match! Players run, win gold.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ref can play whistling round me.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Ref ruled man was lying on pitch?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hear wildly competing fans? Run!

ofap with:
Forward muscling in, eh? Penalty!

Don Rogers with:
pull in the screaming, rowdy fan.

Don Rogers with:
Wingers flounder in match play.

Rick Rothstein with:
A wild 'n' unsightly performance.

Rick Rothstein with:
Fancy goal led winner's triumph.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Crap whistler in funny old game.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

=

New research into the psychology of humour has happened to show us that the joke, once assessed as the world's funniest, was created by the zany comedian, Spike Milligan, and was used in the 1951 Goons Show.

The sketch (replayed here, now somehow set in the USA), which in its heyday starred the legendary actor Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine, has, I hope, remained one of the best gags ever.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A man lives on the 10th floor of his apartment building. Every single day he takes the elevator to go down to the ground floor and goes to work. When he returns, he takes the elevator to the 7th floor and walks the remainder of the trip up the stairs, but if it is a rainy day, he proceeds to ride it all the way up. He doesn't like walking, and there is definitely nothing wrong with his mind or the elevator. Can you conclude why he does it?

[ANSWER]

This man is a dwarf and simply can't reach his desired button. If it's raining he has an umbrella and uses it to reach his floor number.
=

Officers find a short man hanging in a large, entirely empty room that's locked from the inside, and there's a puddle of water under the poor person's feet. Naturally, they believe it's a murder, observing that since the noose is too high to reach and it's a rainy day, the puddle is where the assailant stood and this murderer had to retreat through the window. However, an astute rookie thinks this isn't a murder at all but really an inventive suicide. Why would he think that?

[ANSWER]

The poor fellow took his own life by hanging himself while standing on a block of ice.
The sketch (replayed here, now somehow set in the USA), which in its heyday starred the legendary actor Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine, has, I hope, remained one of the best gags ever.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A man came home from work, plopped himself down on his favorite couch, turned on the TV, and said to his wife,
"Hurry up! Bring me a cold beer before it starts".

She looked a little surprised, but got him a cold beer.

When he finished it, he said, "Come on, bring me another. It's going to start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.

When it was gone, he said, "Another beer NOW, before it starts."

The wife blew her top, "Thatís it! You bastard! You come
in here, crash your fat, pig's ass down, don't even say
anything to me and then expect me to run around like your
pub-slave. Haven't you noticed that I cook and clean and
wash and iron all day long?"

The husband groaned. "Oh hell, it's started.

=

I have been the victim of a hellish robbery while shopping and it could happen to you.

Two glamorous young women came over to the car when I was putting the goods in and began to clean the windscreen, their lush, alluring breasts bobbling about in their T-shirts. When I offered them a tip, they said no, but asked for a ride to another supermarket.

I agreed and they got in the back, but soon started kissing and having amorous sex with each other. Then one of them climbed over into the front and (horror!) performed fellatio on me! Hell, I was so distracted I did not see the other one rob my wallet.

This shameful scam took place on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday - BE WARNED!

Larry Brash with:
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem, they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

=

The late Brendan Behan, the cheeky inmate, the outlandish drunk, serious emotive writer - yes, you conveyed this voice sweetly.


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Wilfred Owen's Anthem for Doomed Youth

2nd - David Bourke with:

=


3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Asterisks and Ampersands

David Bourke with:
Asterisks and Apostrophes

Tony Crafter with:
Thirty days hath September,

Tony Crafter with:
THE CLOSEST THING TO CRAZY

Meyran Kraus with:
A limerick containing an anagram anagrammed into another limerick containing an anagram.


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Paul Pan with:
Penis reduction =
cut in one's pride.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A shirt's wet? =
Saw her tits!

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
A pleasing shape =
Appealing ass, eh?

Tony Crafter with:
The sexist poser ~
exposes her tits.

Tony Crafter with:
The lesbian singers kd lang and Melissa Etheridge =
Girls in beds, legs astride, and shag like men. Neat, eh?

ofap with:
Philanderer =
Plan: ride her.

ofap with:
Breast reductions ~
secured bra on tits.

Zoran Radisavlevic with:
A big tool =
Obligato!

Rick Rothstein with:
Scoot to the maternity ward =
The doctors are into my twat.

Rick Rothstein with:
Real pains in the arse? ~
A penis nails the rear.

View with:
The breaking of wind =
How, after being kind?


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