DECEMBER 2006 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Anagrammy Archives > 2006

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
Oral contraceptive =
I can protect a lover.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The cigarette company =
I pay them to get cancer.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
An adolescent =
Note lad's acne!

David Bourke with:
At rest in a coffin =
A stiff-container!

Larry Brash with:
Alcoholic pancreatitis =
Race to a hospital clinic!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Fly Emirates =
My air fleets.

Andrew Brehaut with:
"Death before dishonour" =
Hero of oath ends buried.

Tony Crafter with:
Potential star ~
airs top talent.

Tony Crafter with:
A disaster scene =
I create sadness.

Tony Crafter with:
A table dancer =
Balance-trade!

Tony Crafter with:
Harm a planet =
Napalm Earth.

Tony Crafter with:
Uniquely talented =
Unequalled entity.

Ellie Dent with:
A soul in torment ~
turns emotional.

Adrian Hickford with:
Pasta ‡
Tapas.

Adrian Hickford with:
The planned future Moon-base =
Found atmosphere untenable.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Purse snatching =
Snip, get cash, run.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
An obedient dog =
I get an odd bone.

Michael with:
Inn decoration =
Neon indicator.

Rosie Perera with:
An HIV diagnosis ~
is having AIDS, no?

Rosie Perera with:
The television news anchorman =
Ah, mentions wars, then violence.

Don Rogers with:
A G-string ‡
"G" Ratings.

Rick Rothstein with:
A deathbed confession =
One faces bad shit done.

View with:
The narcolepsy =
Nap costly here.

View with:
Forensic medicine =
Science: "I find more".


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Paris in the springtime ~
might inspire painters.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Gaston Leroux's "The Phantom of the Opera" =
Oh, ghost to haunt expert female soprano!

eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A Christmas Carol. The story by Charles Dickens =
Boss-character lacks charity, then? Miserly sod!

eq 3rd - Larry Brash with:
The late actor Humphrey DeForest Bogart =
Best role for me? Act tough hard-heart type.

David Bourke with:
'Concert for Diana', at the new Wembley Stadium =
A tribute to a whiny, self-centred mad cow. Amen!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Mel Gibson's new film entitled "Apocalypto" =
Epic Mayan plot's smelling of bottled wine.

Tony Crafter with:
'The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face'. Roberta Flack =
Favorer beautifies some cracker with flattery!

Tony Crafter with:
The Rembrandts' hit: "I'll Be There For You" =
Or, throatily burble the 'Friends' theme.

Meyran Kraus with:
The Guinness Book of World Records =
Dense old work honors obscure gift.

Michael with:
Forrest Gump ~
forgets rump!

Paul Pan with:
Eve Ensler's "The vagina monologues" =
Vulvae engage in solo sermons (Te-he!).

Rosie Perera with:
The Guinness Book of World Records =
Focus on holders redoing best work.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Guinness Book of World Records ~
looks for obscure 'wondered' things.

View with:
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens =
Accents British kid so very well.

View with:
Eve Ensler's ' The vagina monologues' =
Loose heroines' vulva - engagements.

View with:
English children's books author Beatrix Potter =
Can explore old kin stories through the rabbits.


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
The Queen's Annual Christmas Day Broadcasts =
She's quite a lady, but transcends as a monarch.

eq2nd - David Bourke with:
General Pinochet is dead =
A Chilean's ego-trip ended.

eq2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Farts forced the American Airlines plane to land =
Match lit after inferno in arse scared planeload.

David Bourke with:
Vegetarians are more intelligent, says study =
Snag's every single meat-eater's truly an idiot!

David Bourke with:
The ex-American President, Gerald Rudolph Ford =
A spell after Richard Nixon erred...he got dumped!

David Bourke with:
President Saddam Hussein goes to the gallows =
Law is simple, thus reasons "Dog-eats-dog". The end.

Larry Brash with:
Saddam Hussein of Tikrit =
Our misfit is dead. Thanks!

Larry Brash with:
Hunt for serial murderer of the Ipswich prostitutes =
Spread the horror humour: is it Peter Sutcliffe's twin?

Richard Brodie with:
Holocaust revisionists claim ~
vicious racism is not so lethal.

Tony Crafter with:
Farts cause the American Airlines to land =
Ass antics force an altitude alarm in here!

Tony Crafter with:
The department-store Santa Claus =
Star male hands cute tot a present.

Tony Crafter with:
The department-store Santa Claus ~
that rents a pleasant, red costume.

Tony Crafter with:
So, Ipswich strangler's true ID revealed then ~
as Steven Wright is held under police arrest?

Scott Gardner with:
A mid-term election =
Democrat? I let 'em in!

Richard Grantham with:
Former president Saddam Hussein =
Suspend this man for rare misdeed.

Richard Grantham with:
Chrystmas =
Crass myth.

Meyran Kraus with:
The serial murder of the prostitutes in Ipswich =
Who is the real Ripper? I must find out this secret!

Meyran Kraus with:
The former dictator Saddam Hussein =
That hated 'icon' dies for mass murder.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Economic sanctions =
Can cost some in coin.

Michael with:
"There is nothing to fear but fear itself." -- FDR =
Frightened USA fortifies her battlefront.

Rosie Perera with:
Hugo Chavez wins re-election =
Venezuela's choice now, right?

Rosie Perera with:
Bush weighs alternative options in Iraq =
Hint: relinquish it, give weapons to Arabs.

Rosie Perera with:
Iran hosts Holocaust conference =
Chance to confront Israel's house.

Rosie Perera with:
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. =
Is it?! Killing, looting, tanks, combat heroes...?

Rosie Perera with:
Former dictator Saddam Hussein =
Sure fact: most horrid man is dead.

Rosie Perera with:
Happy New Year Two Thousand Seven =
Wow! That happens Sunday, everyone.

Rick Rothstein with:
The execution of Saddam Hussein =
Oh, end his mad, fatuous existence.

Christopher Sturdy with:
In the fateful words of James Brown, "I Feel Good" =
Godfather of Soul been fit? Wow! Major life ends.

View with:
Muslims face increasing 'Islamophobia' in Europe =
I'm Arab, I feel repugnance, omission, impious clash.


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rick with:
U.S. Secretary of Defense, Robert Michael Gates =
Rumsfeld's career? A fiasco! Better yet, he's gone!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The President of Russia =
Sheer disaster of Putin!

3rd - Dan Fortier with:
It's dopey Bush =
Boy, he's stupid.

Amir Begovich with:
Nancy Pelosi ~
plays nice, no?

David Bourke with:
Mario Scaramella =
Amoral crime, alas!

David Bourke with:
Tom Butler =
Rum bottle?

David Bourke with:
The comedian Charlie Drake =
A real kindhearted comic, he.

Larry Brash with:
The Terpsichorean Muse =
Then there's opera music.

Andrew Brehaut with:
America's George Dubya Bush =
Arab's schema: "Die, you bugger!"

Ellie Dent with:
William Shakespeare of Stratford-upon-Avon ~
knew of drama appeal: 'tis universal, forsooth!

Scott Gardner with:
The American President Gerald Ford =
He pardoned criminal; rat gets freed!

Meyran Kraus with:
Charles Windsor, the Prince of Wales =
Crown nerd calls his pet horse a "wife"?!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
President George Walker Bush =
The swagger blinds our keeper.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
General Augusto Pinochet ~
to escape huge turn in gaol

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
President Gerald Rudolph Ford =
Pardoner plugs for the Diddler.

Paul Pan with:
Richard Dawkins =
Darwin's arch kid.

Rosie Perera with:
The outgoing UN Secretary General Kofi Annan =
One key African negotiator untangles hunger.

Rosie Perera with:
Barack Hussein Obama ~
has Samurai backbone.

Don Rogers with:
Lembit "The Human Anagram" Opik =
Hump that Romanian bag, like me.

Rick Rothstein with:
U.S. President Hillary Clinton? =
Instant line I cry: "Lord help us!"

View with:
General Augusto Jose Ramon Pinochet Ugarte ~
generates pogrom, outrageous Chilean junta.

View with:
The President of the Russian Federation =
Sir Putin, he's head in 'not-free-of-Red' state.


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
The Anagram Artist Windows Software =
Ah, it was so swift at word arrangement!

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Old Testament's ~
themes tend to last.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Seattle Airport =
A pilot's retreat.

David Bourke with:
Operation Ribble =
I probe one T. Blair.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Encyclopaedia Britannica ‡
Brain capacity on a decline.

Tony Crafter with:
British Gas Services Limited =
Big smile advertises it's rich!

Meyran Kraus with:
Sistine Chapel, Rome =
Most special in here!

Meyran Kraus with:
Royal Gardens of Kew =
Grey oak and flowers.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Bolshoi Ballet =
This'll hobble a toe.

Rosie Perera with:
Dr. Agatston's South Beach Diet =
I.e., shun carbs that tasted good.

Rosie Perera with:
The National Transportation Safety Board =
Sort and/or notate any bits of that airplane.

Rosie Perera with:
The Personal Finance for Dummies book =
Income...spend half a fortune...so I'm broke.

Rick Rothstein with:
The Bush Administration =
Hard bit is... it's not humane.

View with:
The Apple Macintosh =
Machines apt to help.

View with:
Israeli government =
Naive Olmert, resign!


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Are 'conspiracy theories' on Princess Diana's death true? =
'No, as she perished in a routine car accident,' says report.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus
Lay down his sweet head =
After a tired new mother's journey, a holy babe laid in swaddling clothes awes

eq3rd - David Bourke with:
The Democrats' American Presidential candidate, Hillary Rodham Clinton =
A cold militant dictator...hence her old man's a dirty amnesiac philanderer!

eq3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Royal New Zealand Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals =
Yes, plenty of men loved a certain lot of creatures... in the horizontal way.

Larry Brash with:
"I was not pleased that Hamas has refused to announce its desire to destroy Israel." President George W Bush =
Oops, is that understood? Today's message is this: he'd encourage further wars between Palestine and Israel.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house =
Ha! Hogwash! Humbug! Fat St. Nicholas throttles the reindeer.

Tony Crafter with:
Lifestyle tips: Work like you don't need the money, dance like no one is watching and love like you've never been hurt. =
Feeble ideas in weak one-liners? Yet, you never know, some could even help! Don't knock anything till you've tried it, eh?

Scott Gardner with:
It came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious song of old =
Unlimited angels coming to the air
to touch harps of gold.

Scott Gardner with:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know =
Fact is, I'm more Jewish, so I would get most interested in Hanukkah.

Scott Gardner with:
What child is this, who, laid to rest
On Mary's lap, is sleeping? =
This old air is what the peoples will sing on Christmas Day.

Rosie Perera with:
Seattle-Tacoma International Airport removes Christmas trees ‡
Act to let in a menorah, star, cross, totem, talisman, parties, reverie...

Rosie Perera with:
Sylvestre Reyes, new chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, ~
can't scarcely tell Sunni from Shiite. Gee, how is he ever to meet enemy?

Don Rogers with:
Hark! The herald angels sing, ~
"All, hear!" Herds sang, "The King!"

Rick Rothstein with:
The now ex-American President, Gerald Rudolph Ford =
Well-forged, mature step... he pardoned Richard Nixon.


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!
=
Tom Lehrer made us swoon,
Rearranging a Christmas tune.
He beheld the haughty greed,
What they buy, I do not need.
Lying market survey ploys,
Alas, kindhearted giving us toys.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!
=
Hey, heed a Santa at the mall,
Spooking minors big and small.
He's a groggy, eerie brute;
That's gravy on the guy's red suit!
When to them he'd turn his eye,
Every kid would run and cry!

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!
=
Away in a manger,
Not a crib as a bed,
The very young lord Hesus
Truly turned his head.

The pets - they try moving,
The minor awakes.
Yet, delighted lord Hesus
No gurgling he makes.

David Bourke with:
"Bah, humbug"? - Christmas Day's here! Hoorah!
Let's again get drunk, in the silvery winter snow!
I'd love to shag you ragged, my naughty syren,
Repeatedly, naked under the mistletoe!

David Bourke with:
Saith three Wise Men, gathered in a Bethlehem stable,
As they surrounded the Nativity manger, agog:
"Christ! Look! Your kid's very ugly, young lady!"
And thus, named her new sprog!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Now in all the pokey markets
A hungry trader hogs every site.
No hymn to he - the unsung baby;
We grudge louder every night.
It is huge - shoddy retail
At a damned Christmas sale.

Tony Crafter with:
"Hey Mr George! Have a dear Noel!"
"Hey Mr. Blair! That's dandy, swell!
I wish the very same to you,
Christmas pudding, turkey too.
Hey GB, US! Guns in hand,
Let's get together and nuke Iran!"

Adrian Hickford with:
Come hither gently, Holy Ghost --
Heaven's here: the turkey roast.
Religion's dead, presumably;
Ingrates nod, mawkishly,
Saying "Humbug!" guaranteed;
That's very untoward indeed.

Mike Keith with:
Meantime, our light and vulgar holiday
Sees thuggery and spent earth everywhere.
So strike them down - the truth demands, I say:
George Bush and his young lackey, Tony Blair.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
In Whoville they'd say
The old Grinch hated play
In money-greedy George Bush's grim USA ...
Then his dumb-turkey heart grew three volumes one day ...
And a great trust in Santa's OK!

Paul Pan with:
Get dressed ye married gentlemen
Let thy nuts wag on display
Such immature behaviour
Breeds dark theist disarray

Oh... the hanging love nuggets lurk ahoy!
How they annoy!

Rosie Perera with:
Away in a manger,
Synonymous with danger.
No lovely basket bed,
Get a draughty shepherd hut instead.
The Great Virgin Mother mild...
She nurses the outrageously reeky child.

Rosie Perera with:
Wake up, humanity!
Hating dead hilarity?
Hey, earth-dwellers, overstressed?
The seasonal hymnody declares it best:
Making merry's not enough --
Go out and give the hungry grub!

Christopher Sturdy with:
Mary had a little boy
His soul was pure and good
And reverent kings went thither,
to give thanks as they should.
Hey remember guy, unholy greed
Charming? Yes, it's guaranteed!

View with:
Hear, thank,the ruggedly Media
Enlarges buyers hysteria !
Greedy shopman, God rest,
Wish you all much 'Holiday-invest'.
Winged saint, heaven sent,
Thud -"Go to market buy or rent !"

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
That ranks an "Ugly mug!" among
Many beak-teasing beaus ...
Yet through very misty weather
It'll guide the herd 'cos it glows!


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
ONIONS AND XMAS TREES

The family are sitting at the meal table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

Father, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well, Chuck, there are 3 kinds of breasts.

In her 20's, a woman's breasts are like ripe melons; lush, firm and well-rounded.
In her 30's and 40's they are like pears: still nice, although hanging a bit.
After her 50's, they are like, well ... onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

=

These inane remarks annoy his wife and daughter, so the daughter asks, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

Her mother smiles serenely and answers, "Well Penny, a man goes through 3 key phases.

In his 20's, his willy's like a fine oak tree; knotty, noble and so hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it's a serene birch; lean, flexible, but usable
After 50, it's like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

2nd - Larry Brash with:
These are actual notes from Doctors patient charts...

"Patient has a chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."

"On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."

"She has had no more rigors or chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

"Patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed."

"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."

"Patient has been depressed ever since he started seeing me in 1993."

"Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."

"Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."

"Patient just had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."

"Between you and me, we ought to be able to make your lady pregnant."

"Since she cannot get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up."

"Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid."

"Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."

"A pelvic exam will be done later on the floor."

=

"Healthy appearing, decrepit, ninety eight year old. Mentally alert, but forgetful."

"When checking signs, she was numb from her toes down."

"She was examined that night, X-rated and sent home."

"Her skin's appearance was moist and dry."

"She was alert and deeply unresponsive."

"She has been constipated for all of her life, until she had a divorce."

"I assessed the patient, who's still under your car for physical therapy."

"Breasts - both equal and reactive to light and accommodation."

"Exam of the genitalia reveals that his penis is circus sized."

"The lab test detected abnormal lover functioning."

"The patient hoped to have a bowel resection. He took a job as a lawyer instead."

"Skin: rather pale but present."

"The patient was seen in consultation by Dr. G. Parker, who felt we should sit on her abdomen, and I agree and accept."

"Large brown stool ambulating in the corridor."

"The staff say that she has three teenage children, but no other abnormalities."

"The patient refused any autopsy."

"The patient has not any past history of suicides."

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Interviewer: First on the show, we've got a man who speaks entirely in anagrams.
Man: Taht si crreoct.
Interviewer: Do you enjoy it?
Man: I stom certainly od. Revy chum so.
Interviewer: And I believe you're working on an anagram version of Shakespeare?
Man: Sey, sey - taht si crreoct, er - ta the mnemot I'm wroking on The Mating of the Wersh.
Interviewer: The Mating of the Wersh? By William Shakespeare?
Man: Nay, by Malliwi Rapesheake.
Interviewer: And what else?
Man: Two Netlemeng of Verona, Twelfth Thing, The Chamrent of Venice.
Interviewer: Have you done Hamlet?
Man: Thamle. Be ot or bot ne ot, tath is the nestquoi.
Interviewer: And what is your next project?
Man: Ring Kichard the Thrid.
Interviewer: I'm sorry?
Man: A shroe! A shroe! My dingkom for a shroe!
Interviewer: Ah, Ring Kichard, yes. But surely that's not an anagram, that's a spoonerism.

=

The Anagrammy Forum regulars (or occasional posters):
First we've got Larry Brash. Then there's Tony Crafter, Rosie Perera, Horrid Stretchy Pus (aka Chris Sturdy), David Bourke, Meyran Kraus, Paul Pan, Mike Keith, Dan Fortier, Andrew, Don Rogers, Rick Rothstein, Mike Mesterton-Gibbons, View, aussie battler, ....

We like to invent jovial anagram jokes involving Monty Python, Iraq, George W & Tony, sex, movie and television stars, entertainment, faith, crime victims, memorable verses, inanity, what is in the news (whether newsworthy or not), Christmas, athletics, effeminate minority men, rainy weather, meteorite information, wine, ....

We'll anagram whatever, whenever, however -- i.e., anytime, anywhere, any way we can. One time in the month, we vote on a nominee nominated in the month to give an award to. What a great game, eh? Heh, heh, heh, heh!

Andrew Brehaut with:
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

=

Wow! George's kook won't send knowhow about:
- when to hunt North Korean men
- when to kowtow to new Koran
- unwed lewd kinkiness
- new Hanukkah networks
- new khakis
- two towers
- western senate nonsense on lawn
- token Western war on anywhere

Michael with:
Mantra or paean used to inculcate values into the minds of many American primary school kids:

"I pledge Allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America; and to the Republic for which it stands-- one Nation, under God, with Liberty and Justice for all."

=

A limp, fatuous con; Unduly saluted lip-shit. Needs adjusting. Try a nice parallel version:

"I pledge Abhorrence to the Farce of "The United States of America"; and to the Rat Race for which it stands-- one Abomination, mocking God, with Enmity and Malice for all."


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
'Twas The Night Before Christmas

2nd - David Bourke with:
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
HAPPY XMAS (WAR IS OVER)

Andrew Brehaut with:
A rude limerick

Andrew Brehaut with:
Once in royal David's City

Tony Crafter with:
Running Scared

Michael with:

Subject on yellow background. 
Anagram on pink background.

Southeast Asian Nations:

Brunei

Cambodia

Indonesia

Laos

Malaysia

Myanmar (Burma)

Philippines

Singapore

Thailand

Timor-Leste (East Timor)

Vietnam


Rich imams

No restraint

Bali booms

Opiates viable

Pinnate paradise

Martial intent

Many a shotgun

No lions remain

Aim to play

Aussie aid

Shamed USA





Paul Pan with:
=

Tom Waits =
Tito swam.



THE RUDE CATEGORY

eq1st - Andrew with:
Pornographic flick =
Girl on prick of chap.

eq1st - View with:
Penis enhancement surgeries =
Nurse, get me spare nine inches!

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Taking it up the arse =
That is a Greek input.

Sir T. Aucscua with:
The best thing in the world? =
Bed with ten hot girls, then?

David Bourke with:
The 'Concert for Diana' at the new Wembley Stadium =
Remember a dead icon...sway with Elton, the fat cunt!

Tony Crafter with:
Shanghai Lil =
I shag in hall.

Tony Crafter with:
The Spearmint Rhino Strip Club, Las Vegas =
Ah, several pert bums sitting on rich laps!

Tony Crafter with:
Eve Ensler, 'The Vagina Monologues' =
A genital hole's venomous revenge!

Meyran Kraus with:
The anabolic-androgenic steroids =
Girl has an erection, so it can be odd...

Don Rogers with:
Cervical/genital warts ~
will give cancer a start.

Rick Rothstein with:
A menstrual flow =
Towels? An armful!

Rick Rothstein with:
A giant 'wave' =
A wet vagina.


The Anagrammy Awards