Andrew Brehaut

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Dancing Queen - Abba

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a king

Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the music's high
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen

You're a teaser, you turn 'em on
Leave them burning and then you're gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You're in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance...

You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen

Iraqi Teen - Gang in Gulf

You can't dance, you can't jive, you'd be lucky to get off alive.
You've butchered a US Marine on the Iraqi Scene.

Monday night and the lights go low
The curfew's commenced with no place to go
Hussein - the bungler - was captured, hiding in a cement hole
Henchmen gunners are in control.

And now you're right to go off and die
A sick gunman tagged to go sky high
With the weight of dynamite gaffed on the leg
You sentence through suicide.
And when you get the chance..

You're the Iraqi Teen, young and mad, only eighteen.
Iraqi Teen - feel the fat bar of TNT
You can't dance, you can't jive, you'd be lucky to get off alive.
You've butchered a US Marine on the Iraqi Scene.

You channel into the mongrel men
Light the fuse and then - BANG - they're gone
An innocent whining in agony, fragment beneath his thigh
He's waiting now to die.
And now you've had the chance...

You're an Iraqi Teen, young and mad, only eighteen.
Iraqi Teen - feel the nice bar of TNT (Oh yeah)
You can't dance, you can't jive, you're lucky to get out alive.
You've butchered a US Marine on the Iraqi Scene.

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There was a strange man from the Cape
Who attempted having roots with this ape.
The ape stated "You're sick!"
"You will ruin your dick,"
"And might bend my whole ass out of shape."

There was a young primate from Sprite
Who always sped at the cosmic speed of light.
He went out on that day,
In the usual brisk way,
And came home to the previous dark night.

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Once in royal David's City
Stood a lowly cattle shed
Where a mother laid her baby
In a manger for his bed:
Mary was that mother mild,
Jesus Christ her little child.

Now at each hellish city
Rowdy traders, color and light.
No word of him - the baby;
Media jab every site.
Hell, it's crammed - shoddy retail
In the ultra Christmas sale.

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The Last Ten Years - Kenny Rogers

Oh, the last ten years, it's been quite trip
Over thirty-six-hundred spins around without a cosmic slip
But within the realm of our atmosphere
We're 'bout as out of whack as we've ever been in a million years.

We watched the Y2K scare in a panic
An' we watched as time proved Nostrodamus wrong
An' we watched as Mother Nature shook the planet
An' cellular replaced the telephone.

We lost Charlie Brown, Ray Charles an' Johnny Cash
We even lost Superman.

Well, the last ten years, look at the hills we've climbed
The best golfer's black, the best rapper's white an' it's about damn time
But we best beware, there's a brand new fight, you see
An' I hate to say we might be our own worst enemy

We watched Oklahoma sifting through the damage
An' we watched a US President get caught
We watched shareholders watch their savings vanish
We all cried when we watched those towers fall

We lost Minnie Pearl, Ron Reagan and Sam Ahan
We even lost Superman.

Expensive gas an' free downloads
The dot-com boom, an' reality shows
What's gonna happen next is anybody's guess

Satellite radio and hybrid cars
Hand-held computers an' a trip to Mars
It's all become a part of who we are
In the last ten years.

In the last ten years
We lost George Harrison, John Paul and June Carter-Cash
Hell, we even lost Superman.

Gonna miss you, Chris.

The Last Two Terms - narrated by George Bush

Oh, the last two terms have been such a blast
Tony Blair, John Howard and Rice - they're sucking up my ass.
An' it's a hunch because you'll all agree
I've been the most crappy screwball joke in history.

We watched as I appeared to get promoted
We saw as Al was concerned numbers were wrong
We watched as I won again when not really voted
An' kept that rich house in which I don't belong.

We lost the Reps' House, the Senate, Afghanistan
We even lost that Arabian

Well the last two terms, hear me quote lexically
"I've coined new words like misunderstanding and Hispanically",
An' "More of our imports come from overseas"
I've verbalised "They misunderestimated me!"

We watched as when the towers were crushed
I let the Bin Laden rulers escape our town.
We watched as a state was flushed
An' I screwed the help as I watched the damn fools drown.

We lost the Reps' House, the Senate, Afghanistan
We even lost that Arabian

Token French laws, army policy
Crappy drug harborers and perjury
What's gonna happen next - wiser Hillary Clinton as our pres?

Shit Pakistan, Korean and European names
My ranch, hoax nuclear bomb games
They're all to do with what I've been
In the last two terms.

In the last two terms
We lost the Reps' House, the Senate, Afghanistan
Hell, we even lost that Arabian

Gonna miss you, George!

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'My Country' by Dorothea Mackellar

The love of field and coppice
Of green and shaded lanes,
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins.
Strong love of grey-blue distance,
Brown streams and soft, dim skies
I know, but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror
The wide brown land for me!

The stark white ring-barked forests,
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon,
Green tangle of the brushes
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops,
And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When, sick at heart, around us
We see the cattle die
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the rainbow gold,
For flood and fire and famine
She pays us back threefold.
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze

An opal-hearted country,
A wilful, lavish land
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand
though Earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.

'My Detention Centre' by Evak U. Ated

A love of rich green parklands
Of lands that have no gates
Of rights, love and reverence
The range sure looks great.
A keen love of city pathways
Her farms and running trails
I long to be with her
But my place is in her gaol.

I hate my detention centre
Place of transferred refugees
Of Afghans and of Kurds,
The Czechs and Sudanese.
I hate her barbed-wire fences;
Her very locality;
Her distance from urban land.
This lock-up's no home for me.

The hot air of savanna
Blows dust into my room.
Where's my wife and children?
I hope to kiss them soon.
The emptiness enfolds me.
In this I do confide:
At night as they're resting
I plan on suicide.

Do you see, cranky Howard
As you refuse to let me try?
And when, sick of it around us,
I spy grand Afghans die.
And when government is sitting
And one talks before the throng
Who'll heed us, Mr Howard?
Who'll talk of all the wrong?

Who'll stand at the table
As black winter chills do flow?
Who'll remember all the horror
As we stapled our mouths closed?
Don't offend me, Mr Howard
With "She'll be right." so gruff
Watch what has happened
Can you see my grave life's tough?

And to surly Amanda Vanstone
You nod with ever cold regard
And you, Mr John Howard
In your Kirribilli yard.
You govern streets of your town
And you brazenly stand by.
As you drink to your country
At this lodging I might die.

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THE COMPUTER SWALLOWED GRANDMA

The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought'll make me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or has been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her
And send her back to me!

A grandma called Computer Support in a dark frame of mind.

Glen, the tech, answered, "Can we help, madam?"

She responded angrily, "I've been waiting for your help a fricking long time already."

Apologising, he reassured her "Our worst wait is seventeen minutes. It isn't very much."

Dismayed, the lady sqawked: "Seventeen minutes! I've been on hold for thirty-six hours!"

He interjected, "So, you've been held down on the phone for three days and have survived without the necessities of life?"

"No, smart ass," she screamed, "I pressed the Help button on my dumb computer three days ago and you haven't called me back!"

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Updated: May 10, 2016


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