Complete list of Nominations for March, 2007

MARCH, 2007 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2007

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." =
Alas, what a rather too delectably ironic lapse by our elected shithead.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
We, the unwilling victims, being led by those still unknown are now doing the impossible for those who are the ungrateful. ~
Sir, we've been building so much with so little for so long, trend is we're now able to help make anything useful with nothing.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
What word begins with the letter "F" and ends with "UCK"? =
She'd want nothing bad; settled with "FIRETRUCK." Whew!

Tony Crafter with:
"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" (Robert Browning) =
Thus, he can harbour dreams of having snob-cars, or raw sex with a Page-Three blonde!

View with:
Liverpool knocked title-holders Barcelona out of the Champions League =
Looks like English football team dethrone each old European Cup victor.

Neil Ramsay with:
Clint Eastwood in the film "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly". =
When mad, tiny Tuco hesitated, Blondie got half the gold.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Mayan priests will purify a sacred archaeological site to eliminate 'bad spirits' =
Can I, a Lysol spray, eradicate toilet airs of a President G.W. Bush imperialist claim?

Christopher Sturdy with:
Late Pakistan cricket coach, Bob Woolmer was murdered =
A sad crime. Bookmaker can't accept dour whistleblower.

David Bourke with:

Bombs made out of chapati flour and hydrogen peroxide =

BOOM! Perfect to mix for a drop-dead blonde asian guy, huh?

Rosie Perera with:

Barack Hussein Obama vs Hillary Rodham Clinton: Our tall, handsome, brainy black has charm & vision.~
An anemic, rabid, hormonal hussy rival lacks both. Oh, also a black mar: horny civilian husband's term.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Immensely thankful, touched, proud, astonished, abashed." =
"Only a man that refused to be hushed could speak his mind."

2nd - David Bourke with:
Immensely thankful, touched, proud, astonished, abashed =
Aha! Pasternak indeed hushed by the foul old Communists!

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Immensely thankful, touched, proud, astonished, abashed =
Oh shit, a Kremlin nut dashed my fabulous, decadent hopes.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Nuts! Should I fetch home a Nobel, I may spark sudden death!

Neil Ramsay with:
I'd like to defect. Had the plan: Our US Embassy, Mon. And HUSH!

Andrew Brehaut with:
"Thanks upheld. A sham. Found they could send me to Siberia."

Mike Torr with:
Ah - shy, fond esteem, or to Balkan uplands. I must decide, huh?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A Kremlin putsch has hounded me to say if the Nobel's a dud

Adie Pena with:
Lucky hand! So dub the sound, finish 'Lara's Theme' demo tape!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Pay the funds, hide me in a Stockholm sauna brothel, dudes!

Tony Crafter with:
"Ha! Odds-on they'll send me to Siberia and shut me up. Ah, fuck!"

Adrian Hickford with:
"Help! The Nobel Foundation has made such ruddy mistakes!"

Larry Brash with:
Plot dashed. He may be found stuck in the homeland, Russia.

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hold the medal and rush money (paid in US bucks) to the safe.

Rosie Perera with:
Can't do the holiday. Damn felon Russkies'd beat me up. (Hush!)

Dee4j with:
Oh, sure: hand me it, and I should be kaput! Send me cash to fly!

View with:
Shame on bad nut Russians, they locked me up , tho' I had fled.

Paul Pan with:
Behold, Stalin's not dead! Hmm, fed up? Ahoy, CIA! Nuke the USSR!

Hans-Peter with:
"O, I should confess and take medal but they punish me hard."

Andrew Brehaut with:
"Filthy about USSR keepin' me head, hands and mouth closed."

Andrew Brehaut with:
Shucks! Is that a Nobel held for me? Oh, nuts! I may end up dead.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Neil Ramsay with:
A lonely young lad is totally into tractors. He knows all the latest models.
One day though, he sees a tractor run over a dog and he becomes less interested in tractors because every time he thinks of them he is reminded of that poor old dog.

So, ten years pass and the lad (now a young man) walks into a bar with his girlfriend.
The girlfriend declares "God I hate it when it's so darn smoky in these places"
The lad takes a deep breath and then proceeds to breathe in all the smoke in the bar.
His girlfriend says "Man! how did you do that??"
The young man replied "Didn't you know that I'm an ex-tractor fan"

=

One weekend, a country lane walks into a pub and orders himself a drink.
Some other roads and lanes are all hanging out at the hotel bar too.

The old barman points over to the corner:
"See that motorway. I suggest you avoid him. He's the maddest road in here"

Only soon, a silly little orange dirt-track swaggers defiantly into the pub.

A chilling silence descends.

The motorway despondently downs his drink, hops deftly to his feet and makes for the fire exit.

"Hey, and I thought he was the maddest road in here?" says the lane.

The barman smiles:
"Indeed so, but that orange dirt-track is a cycle-path"

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Sean enters a chemist and asks one of the clerks for some anal deodorant. Bemused, the pharmacy clerk explains the chemist has never stocked any anal deodorant.

Sean insists he bought his last stick of anal deodorant from this very chemist. The clerk passes Sean on to the pharmacist, who explains the store never brought in any such toiletry item.

Sean mentions that he bought his last anal deodorant from this chemist only weeks ago and has done so for several years. The pharmacist asks Sean to bring in his last purchase so that he can try to match the make.

The following day, he grabs the deodorant and returns to the chemist and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist inquires why Sean believes it is an anal deodorant, as it is identical to the underarm stick variety.

Sean shows him the instructions on the reverse side of the label, which instructs, "Push up bottom to use."

=

At the Shamrock Pub, Sean stumbles up and accosts the only other patron and asks if he can quench his thirst.

"Thanks," replies the man.

Sean asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," he replies.

Shocked, Sean shouts: "Shoot, I'm from Ireland! Let's have a second shot to Ireland."

"Hurrah," replies the other man.

Sean asks, "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"I'm from Dublin," comes the reply.

"Shivers, that's rich! I can't believe it," says Sean astonished, "I'm from Dublin too! Christ! Let's have another toast to that city."

"To the city!," toasts the second man.

Sean asks: "What school did you attend?"

"St Pat's," avows the second man.

"Christ's in heaven! That's incredible!," Sean chokes excitedly. "I also went to St Pat's! Have a third tasty shot?"

"Yes", nods the man.

At that time one of the pub regulars comes in and accosts the bartender.

"What's been going on?" he asks.

"Ah, nothing much extra," he replies. "The dastard O'Toole twins are drinking together again!"

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Our flight was being served by a gay flight attendant who seemed keen to get everyone in a good mood as he served us our food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to land, he came swishing down the aisle and said, "Captain Harvey has asked me to tell you all that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so, lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, then that will be super".

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed Arabic- looking woman had not moved a muscle. "Oh, perhaps you didn't hear me over those big engines," he said, " but I asked you to raise your traysy-poos, so the main man can pitty-pat us to the ground."

The woman calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. And I take orders from no one!"

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet cheeks, in my country I am called a Queen. So I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch!"

=

A mother was taking her child around a supermarket, and all the way round the aisles, the fractious toddler was screaming abuse and making a din.

"Ok, only two more aisles to go, Polly," said the mother.

As they continued, the child still screamed and fussed, but the woman said, "It's ok Polly, don't get stressed, only one more aisle to go before checkout!"

Even in the checkout queue the precocious infant still ranted and stamped her feet. "Ok, Polly, nearly finished!" said the parent, "Just have to pay the bill, and you can go home and have a nice rest."

The bill paid, they were about to leave when another lady-shopper came up and said. "Can I say how impressed I was with the capable and inspiring way you kept encouraging your daughter Polly, even though she was obviously giving you a pretty bad time."

"No, you don't understand," said the mother, "my daughter's name isn't Polly, it's Barbara ... I'M Polly!"

Dee4j with:
George Bush, Al Gore, and Bill Clinton are on a boat full of his supporters when the ship starts sinking fast in deep chilly seas. They start to board a lifeboat when Gore chides, "No, wait, sirs: the women should exit first." Bush turns to him and says, "Screw the women." Clinton says,"Gee, do you think we have the time??"
=
Hillary Clinton sat at a grand White House event when she notices Bill's missing. Suspecting the worst of him, she goes upstairs to check a few bedrooms. She opens a door and there's Billy...relaxing with the President at a bar. Both are awful drunk. She yells, "You goofy twit! If it's not one damn Bush it's another!"

David Bourke with:

An Essex girl involved in a serious motoring accident
appeared in court. The judge asked her: "...and what
gear would you say you were in, then, at the time of the
impact?", and the Essex girl replied: "I was probably in
my red Kappa tracksuit bottoms and a pair of black Reebok
trainers, a French Connection t-shirt, and a light-blue
Tommy Hilfiger hoodie and a Von Dutch baseball cap, innit?".

=

The above-mentioned Essex girl went into a dry cleaners,
dropped her favourite beautiful vibrant pink skimpy skirt
on the counter, and said: "I'll be back by ten o'clock
tomorrow for it...alright?". The grumpy old chap behind
the counter, who was a bit deaf, grimaced and said, cupping
a hand to one ear: "Come again?". The airhead Essex girl
replied: "Nah! It's just a mayonnaise stain, actually!".

Adie Pena with:
Do Re Mi

Simon Woodard with:
Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns
Driven time and again off course, once he had plundered
The hallowed heights of Troy.
-Homer's Odyssey

=

Hurrying home to his wife, Odysseus shoved off,
Fled the sea god's wrath, endured many moments of mistreatment,
Then landed on southern Ithaca...a long epic!

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 153

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
That's Amore

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Seven Haikus Anagrammed

David Bourke with:
E-petition: Response from the Prime Minister

Mike Torr with:
Hawk Roosting

Tony Crafter with:
Mother's Lament

Neil Ramsay with:
Good Riddance

Neil Ramsay with:
(Each line in the story is an anagram)
Once upon a time in a faraway land where there was freedom, bravery and happiness, there lived this terrible, evil old king who
lived in a white house. Sat in an oval chamber, the absent King prepared a war. Plenty died for his war. Everywhere, men fled or oil
burned. Everyone hated evil war and the terrible, cheap king, and he lost his empire and power to a new rival. His family foresaw
a time when their heir would be able to govern their evil dynasty and mankind. He also preferred war over peace. If his plan was
to be a winner, he wanted firm support.. As ever, he cheated to win. His family yelled "Bravo, a Warrior King!". He revealed his end plan
to a dreary friend. The men said "Behold, hellish enemies have a fire-dragon. We can prove it. It will burn the sky. Approve a new war!".
But there was no killer fire-dragon. Men perished in vain. The war was avoidable. The world prayed for peace. In his envy, the lame
King made superb new armies in a bid to reinforce a war. However, he lost his war. And they all lived happily ever after. The End? No.

View with:
B

BACCALAURe'AT = ACTUAL BA CARE
BAISER [to kiss, to make love] = Be a SIR!
BALADE [walk, trip] = BAD LEA?
BALBUTIER [to mutter, mumble} = I BURBLE AT...
BALLON = BALL, NO?
BANCAIRE [banker] = NICE ARAB
BANDER [to tie] = Er...BAND
BARBIER = I BARBER
BASSIN = BASIN'S
BATAILLE [battle] = I BEAT ALL
BATARD [bastard] = BAD RAT!
BATTRE = BATTER
BESOGNEUX [poor, needy] = O, BEG-NEXUS!
BETAIL [beast] = I BLEAT = BIT LEA
BIBLIOGRAPHE = Oh, GRIP A BIBLE!
BIBLIOTHe'CAIRE [librarian] = BIBLE? Oh, I CARE IT!
BIBLIOTHEQUE [library] = Oh, BIBLE! QUIET!
BIENVEILLANCE [kindness]=VEIN - ALL BE NICE=EVEN A BILL NICE
BIe'RE = I BEER
BIGAME [bigamist] = A BIG ME
BILLARD [billiards] = RID BALL
BISCOTTE [rusk, toast] = BITE COST
BISTROT ~ 'T BISTRO
BLANCHISSAGE [whitewashing] = ASSIGN BLEACH
BLANCHISSERIE [laundry] = SHE CLEANS, I RIB
BLESSe' [wounded] = BE LESS
BLESSURE [injury] = SEE BLURS
BLEU = BLUE (an old 'gram)
BLEUA'TRE [bluish] = RATE BLUE
BLOCAGE [blocking] = BE A CLOG?
BOi'TE POSTALE [P.O.Box] = 'BAILEE' TO POST
BON APPe'TIT = PAN (POT), BITE
BON MARCHe' [cheap] = BONER, CHAM?
BOUCLE D'OREILLE [earing] = I COLOURED, BELLE = BLUE-COLORED LIE
BOUFFER [to gorge] = O, REBUFF!
BOUGER [to move] = BROGUE (heavy boot)
BOUILLOIRE [kattle] = O, I RULE BOIL
BOULANGER [baker] = BUN GALORE = REAL BUN. GO!
BOULETTE DE VIANDE [meat ball} = ONE BUT 'EDITED' VEAL
BOULEVERSER[to shake, turn over]=BE OVER RULES=REBEL US OVER
BOURDONNEMENT [hum, buzz] = DRONE, 'NUMB' TONE
BOURGEON [sprout, bud] = O, BURGEON!
BOUSCULADE [panic, alarm] = COULD ABUSE
BOUT DE PAPIER [pice of paper] = O, DUE - PAPER BIT
BOXEUR = U BOXER
BRAVOURE [courage] = OUR BRAVE
BREBIS [owe] = BE RIBS!
BRETELLE [strip, strap] = LEER, BELT
BREVET D'INVENTION [patent] = INVITED,'BORN' EVENT
BRICOLAGE [hand made] = or BIG LACE
BROUILLAGE [blurring] = i.e. GOAL - BLUR = O, AGILE BLUR
BROUILLARD [fog, mist] = OLD AIR-BLUR
BROUSSAILLE [thicket, tangle] = SERIOUS BALL (bulb)
BRU [bride] = RUB
BRUISSEMENT [rustle] = SEEMS IT BURN
BRUN [brown, swarthy] = BURN
BRUTALISER [to be cruel] = I REAL BURST

C

CADAVRE = CADAVER
CAISSE [crate] = IS CASE
CALLAIRE [chalk] = CLEAR, I Ca = A RELIC Ca
CALECON [underpants] = CONCEAL
CALINERIE [hug, caress, spoiling]= I REAL NICE = I CLEAN IRE
CALOMNIE [smear, mug-slinging] = MALICE ON = MEAN COIL
CAMARADERIE [friendship] = DEAR AMERICA! = I CARE, AM DEAR
CAMBRIOLAGE [burglary] = MALICE. O, GRAB!
CAMBRIOLER [to rob] = CRIME - LABOR
CANEVAS = CANVAS,e
CANNE a' Pe'CHE [fishing rod] = CANE, HEp, CANE
CAPITALE [capital city] = It 'A' place
CARABINE = A CARBINE
CARBURANT [fuel, petrol] = BURN AT CAR
CARGAISON [cargo] = AS IN CARGO
CARROSSERIE [chassis, body] = or CAR SERIES = or SIR SEE CAR
CARTE d'IDENTITe' [ID] = RETAIN ID, DETECT
CASSE - PIEDS [nagger] = SAD SPICIES
CASSEROLE [pot] = SO, CEREALS
CASUAL = CAUSAL
CATASTROPHE = THAT A CORPSE? = SEARCH AT TOP = Ah,TART-SPACE = A) STOP A CAR
CATHe'DRALE = HALT A CREED
CATHOLIQUE = A HOT CLIQUE
CELUI [this that...] = I CLUE
CENSEUR = CENSURE = U SCREEN
CENTRALE [tel. exchange] = CLEAR NET
CENTRALE ATOMIQUE = QUEER ATOM, CLEAN IT=ATOM QUITE CLEANER
CERCEAU [wheel] = CUE: RACE
CERCUEIL [coffin] = CUE: RELIC
CEREMONIE = O, MERE NICE!
CERF VOCANT [kite] = NOVEL 'CRAFT'
CERTIFICAT [confirmation] = I FACT. TRICE
CERVEAU [brain, mind] = 'A CURVE',e
CERVELLE [anatomic brain] = CELL, EVER
CESSER [to stop] = RECESS
CHa'NE DE MONTAGNES[ridge, clasp]=MAN EDGE STONE-CHAIN
CHAMBRE = CHAMBER
CHATOUILLE [tickling] = I TELL A 'OUCH!'
CHATOUILLER [to tickle] = 'TILL ARE 'OUCH!' = LITERAL 'OUCH'
CHAUMIe'RE [arbour] = AERIE, CHUM
CHAUVE SOURIS [bet - animal]= Hi! OUR CAVES & US
CHEF D'ORQUESTRE = [conductor] = QUEER FETCHS ROD = CHEF REQUEST ROD
CHIFFONNIER [chast of drawers] = IN HER COFFIN
CHIMIE = I'M He, C, I...
CHIMISTE = I CHEMIST
CHIRURGIEN [surgeon] = HIRING CURE
CHLORE ~ or HE Cl
CHLOROFORME = HE FROM (form) COLOR
CHo'MEUR [jobless] = HOME, CUR!
CHORALE [choir] = CAROL, eh
CHOUETTE [beauty] = O, 'THE CUTE!'
CHRe'TIEN [Christian] = THE NICER = HE CRETIN (sorry)
CHRONIQUES [records]= HIS CONQUER
CHRONOMETRE = CHRONOMETER
CINEASTE [scriptwriter]= A NICE SET = SEE IN ACT = SEE ACTIN' = I SEEN ACT = I AT SCENE = IT A SCENE
CINe'MATOGRAPHIQUE [cinematic] = ACTINC MARQUE, I HOPE
CIRCULAIRE [rotary] = i.e. CIRCULAR
CITOYEN [citizen] = CITY. ONE.
CLARINETTE = NICE RATTLE
CLASSE [social class] = SCALES
CLASSEMENT [sorting] = SELECTS MAN = MAN SELECTS
COAGULE [congealed] = A GLUE & Co.
COALISER [to unite] = CLOSE AIR
COFFRE = COFFER
COIFFEUR = COIFFURE
COLLABORATEUR [assistant] = A) A COLOR-BUTLER
COLLECTIF [common, joint] = IF COLLECT
COLORie' = i.e. COLOR = CORE: OIL
COLORIS = IS COLOR
COLPORTEUR [hawker, paddler] = CORRUPT Leo = LUCRE-TROOP
COMEDIEN = DO ME NICE
COMMENTAIRE [commentary] = CERTAIN MEMO
COMMENTATEUR [commentator] = COME, MAN, UTTER
COMMUTATEUR [switch] = TO MUM, A TRUCE
COMPAGNE [spouse] = GO CAP MEN
COMPANIE [society, association] = I GO CAP MAN = I GONE CAMP
COMPARAISON = A COMPARISON = POOR MANIACS!
COMPARTIMENT = I COMPARTMENT
COMPAS = So, CAMP!
COMPATRIOTE [from same country] = MET. CAPRI TOO?!!
COMPLe'MENTAIRE = REMAIN COMPLETE
COMPLICITE [partenr in criminal action] = LICIT? COP ME!
COMPLOT [evil intent] = PLOT.COM
COMPOSITEUR = TO 'ROPE' MUSIC = TOP MUSIC 'ORE'
COMPREHENSIF [understand] = IS FRENCH POEM!
COMPTE RENDU [report] = PER DOCUMENT
COMPTER SUR [to trust]à CORRUPTS ME
COMPTEUR = COMPUTER
CONCERNER = Er...CONCERN
CONCITOYEN [citizen of city] = ONE CITY CON
CONCOURS [aid, help] = SOCCUR, NO?
CONCRe'TISATION = NO CRITICS, A NOTE
CONDAMNE = A) CONDEMN
CONDOLe'ANCE = A CONDOLENCE
CONDOLe'ANCES = AS CONDOLENCE
CONFECTIONNER [to produce] = TO FINE CONCERN
CONFIANT [fills confident] à IN FACT NO
CONFIER = I CONFER
CONFISQUER [to confiscate] = IF CONQUERS
CONFITURE [jam] = ONCE FRUIT
CONSISTER [complicated] = IN SECTORS
CONSOMMATEUR [consumer] = O, MAN CONSUMER
CONTAMINER [to pollute]à CANNOT MIRE
CONTEMPORAIN [modern] = TOP, IN, CAN MORE=CREAM, ON TOP, IN
CONTESTER [to erase] = SECRET? NOT!
CONTINUEL [constant, persistent] = LINE, NO CUT
CONTINUER [to continue] = NICE TO RUN
CONTINUITE = CONTINUE IT
CONTRACEPTIF = PROTECT IF CAN
CONTRADICTOIRE [opposed] = O, I CONTRA-DIRECT à or DIRECT ACTION
CONTRAINTE [taming, compulsion] = NOT CERTAIN
CONTRAIRE = or I RECANT
CONTRARIER [to anger] = ERROR IN ACT!
CONTRE COUP [reaction] = OUR CONCEPT
CONTREBANDE = BAD, CON ENTER
CONTREDIRE [to object] = REDIRECT, NO?
CONVAINCRE = A CONVINCER
CONVERTIR = CONTRIVER
COPIEUR = U COPIER
CORAIL = I CORAL
CORRESPONDANCE = DO A CNN REPORT
CORRESPONDRE = [exchange letters] = PERSON RECORD
CORSAIRE [pirate] = I COARSER = or I SCARE = SO RACIER
COSTAUD [stud] = A STUD & Co.
COUVERCLE [cap, lid] = CLUE: COVER
CRAINDRE [to be afraid] = RAN, CRIED
CRe'ATEUR = CREATURE
CREDIBILITE = IT CREDIBLE, I
CREME FRAi'CHE [cream] = CHIEF CREAMER
CRISE [crisis] = CRIES
CROISSANCE [growing] = 'COS CAN RISE
CROUTE [scab, crust] = TO CURE
CULPABILITE = IT CULPABLE, I
CULTIVATEUR [farmer] = VITA: CULTURE
CYLINDRE = CYLINDER

The Anagrammy Awards

MARCH, 2007 NOMINATIONS

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY