DECEMBER 2007 NOMINATIONS

Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2007

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Breast implant surgery ~
puts my set in larger bra.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Kissing under the mistletoe =
Men sure do like this setting.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A personal identification number =
I slip card in an ATM unit before one!

Ellie Dent with:
My *TOP* purchase! =
Happy customer.

View with:
Very nice! =
Even I cry.

David Bourke with:
A novice on the Spanish guitar =
Such pain! Segovia in no threat!

Paul Pan with:
A poo emoticon =
Onomatopoeic.

Rosie Perera with:
The start-up company =
Sappy, cut-throat men.

Adie Pena with:
A square peg in a round hole =
He's a queer in a lad group, no?

Rick Rothstein with:
Any relationship's a ~
royal pain in the ass.

Neil Ramsay with:
Bonnie Scotland
London's Cabinet.

Andrew Brehaut with:
A topless sunbather ~
has opulent breasts.

Tony Crafter with:
A funeral song ~
fuels an organ.

Rick Rothstein with:
The female reproductive system =
Her ovaries detect (feel) my stump.

Dan Fortier with:
Grape surplus =
Purple sugars?

David Bourke with:
Children today ~
hardly noticed!

Rosie Perera with:
Microsoft Windows hegemony =
We, this firm, own God's economy!

Rosie Perera with:
Medical task behind, ~
I'm back in the saddle.

Rosie Perera with:
Seasonal depression =
Lo! I sense a sad person.

Larry Brash with:
Seasonal depression =
Sadness... peril... a noose!

Rodney Koodray Jr with:
Eat Drink and Be Merry =
Meet a brandy drinker.

sundogg99 with:
I get coal in my stocking =
Lignite may go c/o St. Nick.

Rosie Perera with:
Embrace truth, or... ~
torture chamber!

Richard Grantham with:
The Christmas party =
That charmer's tipsy.

Ellie Dent with:
Stonehenge: Winter Solstice =
See ice then, or snow settling?

John Fidler with:
Television licence =
Invoices clientele.

Rosie Perera with:
Trepanation =
A rotten pain

Rodney Koodray Jr with:
Microwave dinner =
Men warn: "I divorce!"

Tony Crafter with:
Feral gangs =
Large fangs

Rodney Koodray Jr with:
Preparing taxes =
I grasp an expert


THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... =
Images of winter amid this charm.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Charles Dickens novel Oliver Twist =
Child larcenist loves thieves' network!

3rd - View with:
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" =
The children each try a lot of cacao!

Paul Pan with:
The Golden Compass =
On the godless camp!

Adie Pena with:
The great rock band Led Zeppelin ~
later penned the prize "Black Dog."

Paul Pan with:
"Merry Christmas" ~
chimes my R. Starr.

sundogg99 with:
Good King Wenceslas =
I acknowledge songs.

Adie Pena with:
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" =
So my gal smacks?! I was man in suit!

Adie Pena with:
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer ~
led other odd deer in sphere run.

Andrew Brehaut with:
Sporty, Ginger, Scary, Baby and Posh Spice =
Scrapper, Orgy, Ebony-Ass, Pigsy and Bitch.

Adie Pena with:
Celine Dion's "A New Day" ~
can easily end now. Die!

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hollywood Actor Harrison Ford =
No Oscar for wholly horrid toad

David Bourke with:
The Strictly Come Dancing winner Alesha Dixon =
Trendily chic, radiant ethnic woman...sex on legs!

David Bourke with:
The Oscar Peterson Trio =
Hottest piano sorcerer


THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Born on a Christmas Day =
Mary's son had not a crib.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Ms Bhutto's ~
tomb shuts.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Bhutto assassinated =
Sadness is about that.

View with:
Burglary deemed motive in Taylor slaying =
Ebony lads guilty. Ain't greed very immoral?

David Bourke with:
Pure petrol on a drive =
Over a pound per litre.

Adie Pena with:
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton's campaign offices =
None falls for psychotic criminal in hostage drama.

Adie Pena with:
President Hugo Chavez loses a referendum. ~
Hid angst. Venezuela recoups her freedoms!

Rosie Perera with:
Pensioner with 'disgusting flatulence' =
Senile fart is cutting wind, eh? Plug nose!

Dan Fortier with:
In the malls in Omaha, Nebraska =
Hear a shot? BAM! A man kills nine.

Neil Ramsay with:
The US campaign trail =
Militant chaps argue.

David Bourke with:
Conrad Black gets up to eight years in jail =
Justice...and he's going to pay it all back? Err...

Andrew Brehaut with:
Australia signs the Kyoto Protocol =
USA last to okay this 'cooling' report.

Rosie Perera with:
Germany seeks to ban the Church of Scientology =
They snooker half-cogent Tom Cruise by changes.

David Bourke with:
Kissing under the mistletoe =
Idle Rothstein seeking smut.

Paul Pan with:
"White" Christmas =
The racists' whim.

Ellie Dent with:
"A Christmas Carol": the novella by Charles Dickens =
Bah! An old miser, cynical over that cashless clerk.

Rodney Koodray Jr with:
Roger Clemens used steroids, okay? =
"Rocket" easily endorses some drug.

View with:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... =
This air made the magic snow firm.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The Turkish ground assault =
Our guns halt Kurdish state.

Adie Pena with:
Oscar Peterson dies =
Piano scores rested.

View with:
Escaped tiger kills man in S.F. Zoo =
So, king-sized animal left corpse

Rodney Koodray Jr with:
Mishca Barton busted =
This be an "OC" dumb star!


THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The surrealist painter Salvador Dali =
This Spaniard altered visual art lore.

2nd - Galen Fott with:
Charles Lutwidge Dodgson =
L.C. was odd; he got girls nude.

3rd - View with:
President Omar Al-Bashir =
P.S. Arab is a modern Hitler

Andrew Brehaut with:
Teacher Gillian Gibbons =
Banish into a bigger cell.

David Bourke with:
The singer Aretha Franklin =
Large? Fat? Skinnier than her!

Tony Crafter with:
'Lyrical terrorist' Samina Malik =
A silly matter or a criminal risk?

Adie Pena with:
Real ardent man + wild cocaine habit =
The American actor Daniel Baldwin

Rick Rothstein with:
General Michael Hayden =
He nearly mangled CIA, eh?

Rodney Koodray Jr with:
Drew Peterson =
Reported News.

View with:
Christopher Bryan Moneymaker =
Boy's poker-myth, earner, rich man.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The beautiful actress Nicole Kidman ~
noticed Keith Urban's male faculties.

David Bourke with:
Oscar Emmanuel Peterson =
A replacement's enormous!

Andrew Brehaut with:
Ms Bhutto =
Shut tomb.

Rodney Koodray Jr with:
Sean and Robin Wright Penn =
Now end in partner bashing?

Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Fabio Capello =
I ace poofball


THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Princess Cruises =
Scenic surprises!

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
United Nations Climate Change Conference =
It meets, and can Gore influence it? No chance.

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Canary Islands ~
certainly has sand!

View with:
A Harley Davidson motorcycle's ~
a dandy or classy motor vehicle.

David Bourke with:
The Gibson Robot Les Paul self-tuning guitar =
Notes going a little sharp? Useful, but boring.

Andrew with:
Mt Tielde =
It melted!

Adie Pena with:
The United States of America =
I cut ties to a free man's death.

Rosie Perera with:
The inter-Korean railways =
In a war, they restore a link.

View with:
Jehovah's Witnesses ~
have "Jew's son" thesis.

Adie Pena with:
As a rule, the non-stop party needs ~
Planters Honey Roasted Peanuts.

Adie Pena with:
Creative Mobile Technology Incorporated =
I'm reported eyeing a cool color TV in the cab!

Adie Pena with:
VeriFone Transportation Systems ~
operates some TVs for transit in N.Y.

John Fidler with:
Scary, Sporty, Baby, Ginger, Posh =
Cross, Raggy, Shabby, Ropy, Inept.

John Fidler with:
Travelscope Holidays =
O hapless valedictory.


THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The fool hath said in his heart, "There is no God." (The Psalms) =
Ah, The Good Lord is not harsh; He pities the faithless man.

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Vladimir Putin is named Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" =
Media lionized him: repugnant, fearsome, impassive tyrant.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
But why are you still running everyday? A handful of experts say that sex and laughter are perfectly good for your heart. ~
Except when your lady partner's found laughing at your severe fat body during sex. Hey, that's really fatal for your heart!

David Bourke with:
President of the Republic of Sudan, Marshal Omar Hasan Ahmad al-Bashir =
A sad African bastard: "A bear, Muhammed? Prison shall punish her, the fool!

Adie Pena with:
Acorn House, "the first truly eco-friendly restaurant" =
Healthy fruit-users eat correct fare in London. Try us!

Adie Pena with:
The animated cult picture "The Nightmare Before Christmas" =
Tim Burton hit has them frightened! A clear-cut masterpiece!

David Bourke with:
The African National Congress President, Jacob Zuma =
Just a crazed rapist maniac. An obscene felon? Right on!


THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Were there nails in the wood of the manger?
Did a thorn put the baby in danger?
Take your peace while you can,
Who is born Son of Man.
Sleep for now, the betrayal comes later

=

Aria on a pure rose

O, peace! Once a woman so mild
Who by gentlemen kept undefiled
With no inn for a rent
To a rear stable went
Where, they say, she brought forth a boy child!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Were there nails in the wood of the manger?
Did a thorn put the baby in danger?
Take your peace while you can,
Who is born Son of Man.
Sleep for now, the betrayal comes later.

=

Ah, now is the time for feeling good cheer!
Eat a turkey, alone, had with one pint of beer,
No Bush and no Brown
To let a soul down;
Celebrate! Merry Christmas - a Happy New Year!

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Were there nails in the wood of the manger?
Did a thorn put the baby in danger?
Take your peace while you can,
Who is born Son of Man.
Sleep for now, the betrayal comes later.

=

On the twenty fifth day in December,
We Europeans should all try to remember,
That poor boy who was born,
A genuine wee capricorn,
Had one holiest king alone as a father.

John Fidler with:
There was a young woman of Israel
Who turned hot-candle pale.
The Chief told 'G', the superior fairy:
"Break epic baby news to nominee Mary."
Now her tot's enthroned on a bale.

Rosie Perera with:
There once was a babe born of Mary.
For our sake that lad she did carry.
Now hailing the young parent,
I piped out, "We welcome the infant.
Ho! Now let the Noel season be Merry!"

Adie Pena with:
Hey, northerner (of icy-air area) snowman;
A tubby playfellow, a beer-bellied showman!
Up went the horrid heat,
Since he ain't got feet...
Got stuck, he's now a poor eroded no-man!

View with:
Aha, there the home! Aha, here new hard bed. Sting?
Keep and protect. In a crib pin?
Rest now, fortune began -
You boy of mother and man.
Wait, close your eyes, treason will follow

David Bourke with:
One Christmas, beneath a tinsel tree,
My wife Cath left her presents for me:
A bear ('Winnie the Pooh'),
A nude calendar, too,
And a new blow-up goat, worryingly!

Yo ho ho! - D. Bourke

Andrew Brehaut with:
There is a man from in near the Pole
He created nice barrows and fun dolls
He bribed enough teenage boys
with true weapon toys
Apart from Tony - he awoke only with coal.

Rosie Perera with:
One wee boy did cry in a wood stable.
Hark, the herald angels were yet able
To announce epiphany upon Earth.
Offering what? Our own mirth!
Not some "O Christmas Tree" fable.

Christopher Sturdy with:
Up, anew; a good babe now awake.

The pinup of many a choir,
Was born one cold hour in a byre.
Three eastern men strolled
With incense, myrrh, gold
To lay at the feet of the Sire.

Adrian Hickford with:
A tale about an innocent, Mary -
A real heroine - but our people were wary.
On foot, the three Bible Kings,
Who fetched myrrh and things.
Whoopee! Life was not so damned scary.

Andrew Brehaut with:
The donkey who led Mary into town late
Was up for a bit of erratic debate.
"I led one rogue mother far,
(Cos she has no running car),
Now, the wee holy babe naps here in my plate!"

Tony Crafter with:
'Twas the night before Christmas when cute Gordon Brown
Yelled, "Ay, I hope Santa'll soon be in town!
For, if he were here,
One could make him a Peer
To beat any a Party around!"

Christopher Sturdy with:
Though baby's first sound may be "waah",
it'll prompt one to coo "ooh" and "aah".
It went "grrrrrr" and then "wheeeeeee",
now tuck in "whoopeeeeeee";
classy in-fill and banter from ya!

Adie Pena with:
Why We Are the Redeemed

Celebrate one story preached in school
'Bout a pregnant woman on a mule.
With no shabby inn
Or adoring kin,
'Twas a tale of hope for the first Yule.

Ellie Dent with:
Come eat, share the feast on our table, I
Ignore the poor child of a stable, why?
Happy ending? Can't see one.
Why then ban all our fun?
Eat, drink, be merry now... as tomorrow we die.


THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The matron at a large hospital answered a phone call in her office.

"Would you tell me how Seamus O'Burns is getting on in ward two?" asked the caller.

"Seamus O'Burns?" repeated the matron, consulting her notes. "Yes, he had his operation yesterday, but I believe it all went very well and that he will probably be coming out in two days or so. Who is this speaking?"

"It's Seamus O'Burns in ward two. They don't tell you anything down here!"

=

Two Indian doctors were having a heated argument in a hospital lobby. "Well, I say it's W-H-O-O-M," said one.

"Well, I say it's W-H-O-O-M-B," challenged the other one.

A passing nurse heard them. "Sorry, but you're both completely wrong," she said. "It's actually spelt W-O-M-B."

"Thanks, nurse," said one, "but we will settle the argument ourselves; anyhow, we really don't think you're in a position to describe the sound of an elephant farting under water!"

2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Confirm Facebook Account Deactivation: Please let us know why you are deactivating. (required)
* I don't find Facebook useful.
* I need to fix something in my account.
* I have another Facebook account.
* I receive too many emails from Facebook.
* I don't feel safe on the site.
* I spend too much time using Facebook.
* This is temporary. I'll be back.
* Facebook is resulting in social drama for me.
* Other
=
Please let us know why you are taking a break from the Anagrammy Forum:
* I am too addicted.
* I need to spend time doing other things.
* I like choice. (Click? No!)
* I cannot beat Mey. I'm a novice.
* The office computer is broken.
* I can't stand the effect of rude curses on me. ("You fuck off!")
* I have a social life, a beau.
* Serious coercion from Vatican officials.
(Booo! Boooo!)
* It's Advent! Next Question?

I'll be back!

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Happy, happy Christmas

Adie Pena with:
Christmas (from Mother Goose)

Neil Ramsay with:
Notice: Due to unforeseen circumstances all our christmas nativity plays in Glasgow have herein been postponed this year.

=

Perhaps because no-one in this insane, lusty city could actually manage to spot a virgin or ever find her three wise scotsmen.


THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Night Before Christmas

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Death Is Nothing At All

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Hope is the thing...

David Bourke with:
Healthy eating

Eating healthily is not hard to do and the benefits are well worth the effort.

Why is healthy eating important?

In adults, healthy eating can help you manage your weight and will improve your overall feeling of well-being; it can also reduce your risk of developing illness and serious disease. The right balance of foods will give your child all the nutrients they need for healthy growth and development. It also helps to educate them to eat healthily and can reduce the risk of serious diseases later in life.

What is a healthy diet?

A healthy diet contains:
plenty of starchy foods such as bread, rice, pasta, breakfast cereals, potatoes, yams and sweet potatoes - look for higher fibre versions where possible (eg wholemeal bread or pasta) at least five portions of a variety of fruit and vegetables daily

moderate amounts of dairy products (or alternatives) - look for low fat versions where possible

moderate amount of meat, fish or alternatives such as eggs, beans, peas and lentils - look for lower fat versions where possible

the occasional treat (foods that are higher in fat, salt and/or added sugar should only be eaten in moderation)

little salt - always read the label

Healthy diets for babies and children

Eating healthily yourself is one of the best ways to encourage your child to develop healthy eating habits. Healthy eating needn't be expensive. In fact, basing meals on starchy foods and fruit and vegetables, and aiming to eat less fat, salt and added sugar, can actually work out cheaper.

Babies and children under five have different diet requirements. For more information follow the links below.

Healthy eating for babies

Healthy eating for breastfeeding

Children and young people aged 5-16 can get tailored information on healthy eating from the links below:

Healthy eating for young people (young people's section)

Welltown website for ages 5-7 (opens new window)
Galaxy-H website for ages 7-11 (opens new window)
Life Bytes website for ages 11-14 (opens new window)
Mind, Body and Soul website for ages 14-16

=

How To Wipe Your Arse - An Official Government Health Guide.

Wiping one's arse is easy, not difficult, but nevertheless, should one need any help, please do take the time to follow this essential handy bathroom guide.

First, download a free 'Loo Risk-Assessment' (form no. 11676/1), and send it to your local Town Hall Health and Safety Officer.

Then select a type of toilet roll suitable for one's particular arsehole, and lifestyle. Those made of bio-degradable recycled material are preferable, to avoid global warming. Avoid a newspaper (even the Daily Mail) as ink easily transfers to skin. Wipees suffering from haemorrhoids are highly advised to avoid the ghastly crinkly stuff we used to have at school. Ooh, the agony! A fluffy 'Fiesta Deluxe' quilted sheet type, or a delicate fragrant Feminine 'Wet Wipe' may be more comfortable.

Having completed a risk-assessment/chosen a type of paper one wishes to use, ideally wearing surgical rubber gloves, sit, wee first, heave, groan, then lay a shit. Bowel evacuated, stand with one's feet apart by about 14 to 17 inches (by about 11 to 14 inches for a child). Bend the knees at an angle of 55 degrees. With one hand (right or left) either side (not between the legs), gently wipe one's arsehole in a straight line, ideally front-to-rear. (Allow two sheets, two-ply, folded in half). A rear-to-front wipe is not advised, as this could result in an infection beneath the genital area, particularly in women. Repeat wipe as needed.

Having removed excess faecal matter, check stool for undigestable vegetables, or bloodstains. (If so, see a doctor right away for a diagnosis). Throw used bog-roll into the bowl. Flush it, and the poo, away by turning the handle / by pressing a button on the cistern. Remove any heavy splattering and gooey pebble-dashing on bowl edge. Break any floaters laterally or diagonally apart with a long pole, and re-flush.

Following that, wash and dry one's hands. Finally finished at last, breathe again.

See these additional Health and Hygiene websites, if needed:

- Easy bidet instructions
- What to do if you "follow-through"

Adie Pena with:
Now Thrice Welcome Christmas


THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Having a sex-change operation =
Oh, a penis-to-vagina exchanger.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Vaginal smells threaten ~
the travelling salesman!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Shaved her pubic hair =
Ah! Deprive a rich bush!

Paul Pan with:
Hand-job ~
and BJ, ho?

Paul Pan with:
The United States of America =
I defecate, I'm the ass-tronaut!

David Bourke with:
Mince pie and custard =
A cunt, and spermicide.

View with:
Vaginal odour =
O run, avoid gal !

David Bourke with:
Polished frottage =
A poofter's delight.

David Bourke with:
Adie's penis ~
inside apes

David Bourke with:
Christian Ridout =
It is a horrid cunt.


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