Anagrammy Awards > Nomination Archives > 2008
1st - Rick Rothstein with:
A doctoral thesis =
It's read at school.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich =
Dad wants to eat a nice combo at lunch.
3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Christian chorus =
It soars in church.
Adie Pena with:
A temporary restraining order =
Nary a predator terrorising me!
Tony Crafter with:
I'm overloaded =
A doomed liver.
Rick Rothstein with:
Bra and panties optional =
It's not apparel I abandon.
Dan Fortier with:
Plains and water =
A rainswept land.
Tony Crafter with:
May contain some traces of nuts =
Try to consume maniacs? Not safe!
Andrew Brehaut with:
Chinese tortures =
The Orient's curse.
Adie Pena with:
Hot U.S. ~
South.
Ellie Dent with:
So praise the Lord! =
Oh, real priests do!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Absolutely procrastinate =
Really piss about, not, er... act.
Adie Pena with:
Keeps the Olympic flame burning à
Greek champion ineptly fumbles.
Ellie Dent with:
Life's beautiful à
Blue fetus: I fail.
Ellie Dent with:
Pescetarian =
Carp is eaten.
Rosie Perera with:
Please fasten your seatbelt =
Bet useless on a real fat type.
Tony Crafter with:
Wild wives on ~
Windows Live!
Rosie Perera with:
Earth's climate changes =
Harsh stage can melt ice.
Adie Pena with:
It's back to the drawing board, mate! =
Bad time? Botched work? Start again!
Adie Pena with:
Crude oil =
Cloudier?
Adie Pena with:
Inseminated =
Man seed in it!
View with:
Ugly customer =
Most cruel guy
Rosie Perera with:
A brat kid's gone ~
skateboarding.
Larry Brash with:
Skateboarding =
Risk a bang'd toe.
Paul Pan with:
I, naked Bart S. go ~
skateboarding.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Oil prices strain ~
in a petrol crisis.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Actions speak louder than words =
Use a rock, not old phrases and wit!
Rosie Perera with:
A mug shot =
Am sought.
Rosie Perera with:
Entry level job =
Bet never jolly.
Rosie Perera with:
Online education =
I continued alone.
Larry Brash with:
Obstructive sleep apnoea =
Super-obese, not-active pal.
Adie Pena with:
Honesty is the best policy. =
One spots lie by thy ethics.
Adie Pena with:
The insomniac =
He isn't in coma.
1st - Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet, "Impression, Sunrise" =
Painted Seine in summer's colours
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Monty Python's motion picture "Life of Brian" =
Untimely birth of son of no importance. Pity.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Famous paintings of Water Lilies =
A Monet is uplifting, as is a flower.
Meyran Kraus with:
Torch singer =
Sting or Cher.
Adie Pena with:
Edward Norton starring as 'The Incredible Hulk' =
His kind, drab doctor turns all green when irate.
Adie Pena with:
"I Left My Heart In San Francisco" =
California's center fits a hymn.
Adie Pena with:
Martin Scorsese's "Shine a Light" concert film =
Rolling Stones' cinematic charm is freshest.
Andrew Brehaut with:
The Police's "Don't Stand So Close To Me" =
Indecent school lass opts to dote me.
Andrew Brehaut with:
The Police's single "Don't Stand So Close To Me" ~
ceded Miss Lolita consents to open hot legs.
Tony Crafter with:
Eric Clapton's 'Wonderful Tonight' =
'Slowhand' unction to perfect girl.
David Bourke with:
'Hot Legs' - Rod Stewart =
Gross old twat there!
Andrew Brehaut with:
The Australian Cate Blanchett =
Thus, can be a theatrical talent.
Adie Pena with:
The painter and sculptor Pablo Ruiz Picasso ~
nods: "Let's popularize cubist approach in art."
Adie Pena with:
Billy Joel's "New York State of Mind" =
Mainly old bits to New Jersey folk.
Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet's portrait =
To picture an Old Master.
Adie Pena with:
Betty Smith's novel "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" =
Even that girl blooms best in New York story.
Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet's paintings of Rouen Cathedral =
Light and color upon facade near sunset time.
Scott Gardner with:
The film "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" =
Loner hero did much fighting. Tragic end.
Rosie Perera with:
Tomorrow is another day =
Tara story: Oho, more wind?
Adie Pena with:
Lionel Bart's "Where Is Love?" =
Oliver bewails no shelter.
Christopher Sturdy with:
BBC One - "I'd Do Anything" =
oh, bidding to be Nancy
Tony Crafter with:
Mussorgsky's 'Pictures At An Exhibition' =
It bases music on Russki art-Expo thingy.
Adie Pena with:
Modest Mussorgsky's 'Pictures At An Exhibition' =
K. Emerson's ambitious sixtyish dope-strung act. ;-)
Adie Pena with:
Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong =
Men high on comedy can't charm.
1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Charlton Heston is dead =
The old actor ends in ash.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Pope to address the church's paedophilia crisis =
So a cheap parish priest seduced this poor child?
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The Olympic Games Sacred Flame Protection Unit =
Chinese Communist Party police team after gold?
Adie Pena with:
Arbroath, Tayside, Scotland, United Kingdom =
Today, kids stumble on a rotting, rancid head!
Andrew Brehaut with:
The Chinese Olympic Games à
Theme changes my policies.
Adie Pena with:
The Volkswagen Passat voluntary recall =
Stop now! Ugly car's tank valves are lethal.
John Fidler with:
Naomi Campbell =
Policeman? BLAM!
Tony Crafter with:
The final Diana inquest lays her to rest at last =
Al-Fayed attests he'll quit insane, hot-air rants.
Adie Pena with:
Oh, to recall ~
the Corolla!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Douglas Yurchey is a plagiarist? =
I say our pal is guilty as charged!
David Bourke with:
The Olympic Games Sacred Flame Protection Unit =
A freedom-hating Communist Party select police.
Adie Pena with:
Pope Benedict XVI in the United States of America =
Expect me, a Vatican friend, to see inept idiot Bush.
View with:
Obama's remarks gives Clinton an opening =
O, Barack's mean note improve gals' innings!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The London Marathon in under 2 hours 6 minutes =
Hot men's trio hunt a 26 mile run's end and honour!
Adie Pena with:
American action star Wesley Snipes cheats the IRS =
His tactical miss saw a three-year prison sentence!
Adie Pena with:
Reuters cameraman Fadel Shana =
Unarmed: means has fatal career.
David Bourke with:
John Prescott has bulimia =
Just a bloater on chips, him!
Adie Pena with:
Sierra Madre, California =
Arid scenario? Fire alarm!
Adie Pena with:
The passenger train collision ~
spills gore into eastern China.
Richard Brodie with:
The man weds six tots? =
Don't mess with Texas!
1st - Adie Pena with:
L'artiste Degas =
Listed as Great.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
R Mugabe =
Umbrage.
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer =
Hey, superb family TV fare!
View with:
Fidel Alejandro Castro Ruz =
Just a crazed Red, fool, 'n' liar.
Don Fortier with:
Fidel and Raul Castro =
Den of Ultra-Radicals.
John Fidler with:
Leonard Cohen =
Enhance dolor.
Neil Ramsay with:
David Petraeus à
Dead US Private.
Adie Pena with:
Anchorperson Katie Couric =
Her accurate opinions rock!
Tony Crafter with:
Baron Guy Edouard Alphonse Paul de Rothschild =
Rich, able, proud and no pulse, as thoroughly dead.
Adie Pena with:
Italian PM Berlusconi =
I'm a real snot in public!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Footballing legend, Romrio de Souza Faria =
Goal of a famous old Brazilian gone, retired.
Rick Rothstein with:
Britain's glamour model Jodie Marsh =
I admit, "Gal's melons are jumbo, horrid."
David Bourke with:
The American actor Wesley Trent Snipes =
I.R.S. trace meaty wealth...prison sentence!
David Bourke with:
The AC Milan footballer Ronaldo Luis Nazario de Lima =
A foul Brazilian laid three common Latino Lolas, dear!
1st - View with:
The United States Government =
Don't trust these negative men.
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Chinese Government =
Vehement censoring.
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
British Government =
Voters bring them in.
Adie Pena with:
Old Spitalfields Market, Brushfield Street =
A small peddler suited thriftier folks best.
Dharam Khalsa with:
South Beach Diet =
But I had Cheetos.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Mortgage Solutions =
Suggest or omit loan.
Rosie Perera with:
The legend of Saint Veronica ~
left another icon envisaged.
Adie Pena with:
Delta-Northwest Airlines merge =
World esteem in aerial strength?
Rosie Perera with:
Dissociative Identity Disorder =
Odd atrocities; diversity inside.
Rosie Perera with:
Second Amendment of the American Constitution ~
can sanction munitions to defend me, come threat.
Adie Pena with:
I generally love citrus notes; a high-grade, aged ~
Chivas Regal Gold Signature Eighteen Year Old.
Tony Crafter with:
The British Government =
Most thieving brethren.
View with:
The United States Government =
Voters meet: Intent? Guns, death.
Andrew Brehaut with:
The USA Commander in Chief =
He feared Communist China.
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
bush (noun):
A single low plant with many branches that arise from or near the ground. =
Bush (person):
A snooty, lethal, incoherent, inhuman, wrathful, warmongering bastard.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Do you know the alphabet, young Bush?"
"Yes."
"What comes after G?"
"Whizz." =
"Uh huh. What comes after whizz?"
"Bang."
"Good boy."
(SWOT UP YANKEE STYLE)
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind." Albert Einstein =
Whether I call it Omniscient Being or biological nuclei issue, destinies intertwine.
Christopher Sturdy with:
AL AK AZ AR CA CO CT DE FL GA HI ID IL IN IA KS KY LA ME MD MA MI MN MS MO MT NE NV NH NJ NM NY NC ND OH OK OR PA RI SC SD TN TX UT VT VA WA WV WI WY =
Damn man commands known world and mocks with lying TV content "Viva America!"
Crazy imams think vast jihad may well fix punk!
David Bourke with:
The UK Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Centre, Harley Street =
Really rather keen on ancient vulvae? It's just great here!
Adie Pena with:
The American novelist and war correspondent 'Papa' Ernest Miller Hemingway =
Ever proper man can write a simple, clear, winning story: "The Old Man and the Sea."
Adie Pena with:
Procol Harum composers Gary Brooker and Keith Reid's "A Whiter Shade of Pale" =
Oh, hip rock authors are for adopted melody mirroring Bach's "Sleepers Awake."
Adie Pena with:
The Beatles' long-playing record "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" =
Highly regrettable concern: Pop legend Paul plays bass better on LSD.
Adie Pena with:
"I believe the United States is nothing but a paper tiger." (Mao Zedong) =
I've seen Bush as a big tiger in a zoo pit determined to gut the planet.
Andrew Brehaut with:
After a long court case, Lady Diana's death is pronounced as unlawful due to the gross negligence of her French driver =
What a useless and dodgy finding after it gets announced crude louse Henri Paul faces no charge for the car rollover.
Christopher Sturdy with:
As the jury reaches their verdict of unlawful killing, ~
Al Fayed roars fucking hell, ever hurt with nil justice.
Rosie Perera with:
Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints =
That stuffy old cult has rancor, justifies incest and harems.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Confucius say "Man with penis on his forehead literally cannot see forward for nuts" =
Confucius say "Ah. A Confined lift smells unairworthy to a prone dwarf's nose therein."
View with:
Images show police well armed for raid on polygamist retreat =
Cops wore armor, toted weapons, grimily gathered all families.
Adie Pena with:
Snow White + Bashful, Doc, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy and Sneezy =
Chaste (perhaps unbowed) lady + funny, showy pygmy-sized people.
Hans-Peter with:
People who live in glass houses shouldnĠt throw stones =
Oh, else thoughtless person puts oval holes in windows!
Adie Pena with:
Captain Georg von Trapp and his family: Liesl, Friedrich, Louisa, Kurt, Brigitta, Marta and Gretl =
Maria, a calm artistic girl, kept Austrian party -- priggish father and loving brood -- tune-filled.
David Bourke with:
Keith Noel Emerson, Gregory Stuart Lake, and Carl Frederick Kendall Palmer =
Three frail and elderly gentlemen risk a snore, make a dull prog-rock racket!
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
[A complete set of Scrabble tiles]
AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG HH IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO PP Q RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z [C] [T]
=
Late one night over a board
I use one last vowel - reward
I'm banking 'zygotic'
exhale, quite erotic
and jump up, a fifty is scored
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
[A complete set of Scrabble tiles]
AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG HH IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO PP Q RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z [B] [D]
=
A juicily curvy girl teen
In most proud Esquire Magazine
Exposed a toe
Shook off a bow
And did bare all that virgin between
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
[A complete set of Scrabble tiles]
AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG HH IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO PP Q RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z [N] [R]
=
I often quote popular bards,
Limericks with love I regard;
An anagram view
Is a funny one too,
But, O Jeez! It's exceedingly hard!
Adie Pena with:
A true teenaged fool, she rocks:
"I love banging around with jocks!"
A vilified tramp
Entirely damp
"Wait, can I squeeze your box?"
Larry Brash with:
Anagrammy is a web prize,
A cool nerd or two did devise.
If novice or geek,
It's all about technique.
Join up fast, then relax, guys!
Adie Pena with:
Audio exploits of Beatle Starr;
Woe, McCartney's "Junk" guitar;
Vivid god Lennon;
Quiet deep Harrison --
Gee, a family how bizarre!
Andrew Brehaut with:
A few genial zebus from Sprite
Do jet out quick like bare light
And exit one day
In some cool way
And arrive a previous night.
Andrew Brehaut with:
A rigid Jew man at a cape
Begun quick sex with a zoo ape
It grieved "Never fool!
It'll ruin your tool
and bend my arse of it's shape!"
Paul Pan with:
Don Quixote de la Mancha,
Bit 'is jockey rig Sancho Panza,
I got windmill, true foe!
Dulcinea's pervert beau!
We orgy, over fiesta.
Rosie Perera with:
A bisexual guy named Ford
likes vacationing in the fjord,
plays a zither
in quite cool weather,
is a poet or bum we've ignored.
Adrian Hickford with:
We've long anagrams in mind
Relax! Your vote was quite blind.
You eject other tries -
Do I bag a prize
Of the famous, special kind?
Dharam Khalsa with:
A virile fugitive named Jacques
Tried to zap open a lock
With a box of TNT,
A gruesome burglary--
Indeed, one lawyer is in shock.
Adie Pena with:
Quite disfigured, pigment waxen;
Irregular, zany "Bad" action.
Stop that loud noise,
I love wee boys!
Forever a Michael Jackson.
Dharam Khalsa with:
A daring couple in Norway
Tried to make love in a sleigh.
Their overexposed
Liquids just froze,
But a thaw can begin 'fore May
David Bourke with:
A devout Jew, David Marx-Cohen,
Quite a bizarre, full nose showin',
A familiar scene,
About Golders Green,
Oy! It (pity) kept growin'!
Rosie Perera with:
Six elite guys convene as if
To find out a cool glyph.
David Bourke wrote a gram,
Zoran was in quite a jam,
And LB tries "ee ere iph"!
Adie Pena with:
I rate a tale of a dyslexic sod,
An inutile tongue in a premier wad.
Grieves in a box:
"The quick brown fox
Jumps over the lazy ... god!"
Zoran with:
In our pangram we can see
"Mr Jock, TV quiz PhD
bags few lynx" for a jubilee.
A dude love it and I see,
So I toast here to originality!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Eulogized author Mark Twain
Eyed life in a colloquial vein:
Boxed jumper frog
Active stray dog -
The boatswain's pen reigns.
Dharam Khalsa with:
A grey ventriloquist of Arizona
With favored dummy Sonia,
People exciter,
Audience delighter,
Winks, jokes about balogna
Dharam Khalsa with:
Barack Obama with suave ease
Got Hillary Clinton in a squeeze.
Go, forget pride,
Mix, turn a tide.
Drive John down, if you please.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Viva fabled name Houdini,
Quiet yogi or grand genie
Would escape a steel box,
Open jar with locks
For Ma's Turkey Tetrazzini.
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A 52-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to hospital.
Whilst on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked 'Well? Is my time up?'
God said, 'No, you've got another 43 years, 2 months, 8 days and 18 hours to live.'
Upon recovering, the woman chose to stay in the hospital's clinic and have a face-lift, liposuction, two breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even got someone to come in to change the colour of her hair and to whiten her teeth! Since she'd so much more time left to live, she figured she might just as well make the most of it.
After her final operation, she was released from the hospital, but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance racing to an accident.
Arriving in front of God, she said, 'Well? I thought you told me I had another 43 years left? Why didn't you pull me back from the path of that ambulance?'
...God replied: 'I didn't bloody recognize you.'
=
An 84-year-old man and his 83-year-old spouse are having trouble remembering things. To help address the problem, the doctor suggests they start noting them down.
That night, the old guy gets up from his chair in front of the TV. "Do you need anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Ooh yes! May I have a bowl of vanilla ice cream, please?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write that down then?"
"Nah, I'll remember it."
"Oh, and I'd love a hint of chocolate sauce on top. Write it down."
"Hell, no! It's fixed in my head," he says. "You want a bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce."
"And I'd also like some whipped cream. I am sure you'll forget that. Make a note."
"Jeez! Don't get so paranoid! I got it, for goodness sake! 1: Vanilla ice cream; 2: chocolate sauce; 3: the whipped cream. Right?"
He toddles off to the kitchen. About 45 minutes later he returns and hands his wife a plate of bacon and 2 eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment ..."Where's my toast?"
2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Good mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband Paddy two years back?"
She replied, "Aye, that you did, Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee little tyke Donovans?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said, "Well, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye."
She replied, "Oh, thank you, Father."
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And have ye any wee tykes Donovans yet?"
She replied, "Yes, Father! Five sets of triplets and six singles - four that be little boys!"
The Father said, "Wonderful! How is yer husband Paddy doin'?"
She replied, "He's going to Rome to blow out your bloody candle."
=
Into a Derry pub foyer comes poor Paddy O'Feeny, looking like he's been remodelled by a lorry. Both his arms are in a sling, his front teeth are broken, the side of his head is cut red and he's walking with a limp.
"What on earth happened to ye?" asks Sean..
"The foul crook Steely Donovan and me had a wee row," glowers Paddy forlornly.
"That rotten ferret, Donovan," frowns Sean, "Yet he couldn't do that to ye, he must have had something here in his hand."
"That, the low, rotten ferret did," retorts Paddy wryly, "an extremely hefty axe were what he had, and a terrible greetin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "ye should've defended yeself, didn't ye have something in ye hand to defend yeself with?"
"Aye, that I did," reveals Paddy frankly. "Mrs Steely Donovan's roselike naked left breast, and a wee trophy of natural beauty it was, but wholly useless in a fight."
3rd - David Bourke with:
1. Meyran Kraus
2. Tony Crafter
3. Andrew Brehaut
4. David Bourke
5. Ellie Dent
6. Rick Rothstein
7. Rosie Perera
8. Scott Gardner
9. Richard Grantham
10. Adie Pena
11. Larry Brash
12. Christopher Sturdy
13. View
14. Neil Ramsay
15. Toby Gottfried
16. Paul Pan
17. Mike Keith
18. Adrian Hickford
19. Jesse Frankovich
20. Zoran Radisavlevic
=
1. Jew respects
2. Wit of a banker
3. Chunderer
4. Rochester retard
5. A dignified dear
6. Barmitzvah boy
7. The lady vicar
8. Ordinary
9. Antipode
10. Rotund Filipino
11. Shrink
12. Pustastic!
13. Another Israeli
14. Husband? Och aye!
15. Virtual introvert
16. Greek firecracker
17. Math yank
18. Alpha merrymaker
19. Gross nerd
20. Dark Slav
Adie Pena with:
Tequila Sunrise
Christopher Sturdy with:
'At this grave moment in our national history I send to you and, through you, to the officers and men of the fleets, of which you have assumed command, the assurance of my confidence that under your direction they will revive and renew the old glories of the Royal Navy, and prove once again the sure shield of Britain and of her Empire in the hour of trial.'
=
With those words on August fourth nineteen fourteen, the English Monarch primed his men for a conflict involving four years of action, pain and sacrifice, oh so harsh.
A million sailed away and never came home - a death toll never seen before.
Youth then did their duty; they volunteered to fight for their country, so you and I may have our freedom today.
Adie Pena with:
Second Amendment to the US Constitution
Adie Pena with:
1. Meyran Kraus
2. Tony Crafter
3. Andrew Brehaut
4. David Bourke
5. Ellie Dent
6. Rick Rothstein
7. Rosie Perera
8. Scott Gardner
9. Richard Grantham
10. Adie Pena
=
Top Ten Anagrammy Rankings
1. Superlative
2. Erudite
3. Honored
4. Dark character
5. Rare
6. Rich
7. Earnest Frau
8. Noteworthy
9. Indescribable
10. Retarded kid
Ellie Dent with:
Aussie newspaper ad:
Wow! Close to all lovely, hot beaches; the Outback. What beauty!
It's fun, we plan for you here.
Why, struth, even ordered in tucker... for hordes of you.
=
We've reserved you front row seats.
The Clown fish are ready to put on a show,
and the chauffeur will be back to pick you up at sunset.
So where the bloody hell are you?
1st - Tony Crafter with:
SHOWER PROTOCOL - How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothes and place them methodically in laundry basket, separating lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, modestly cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make a mental note to do still more sit-ups/leg-lifts/weight-watching.
Get into the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once, using usual jojoba-and-orange-flower shampoo with twenty-eight added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's thoroughly clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit-and-mint-with-a-hint-of-lime-zest conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed-apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with Manuka honey-and-Kikuyu beeswax aromatherapy body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Sponge off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner and wipe down.
Get out of shower.
Dry body with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super-absorbent fluffy towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown with towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
=
SHOWER PROTOCOL - How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the corner of the bed and leave them lying in random pile.
Swagger naked across the landing to the bathroom.
If you catch sight of wife along the way, shake willy at her doing the 'woo-woo' sound.
Appraise your exceptional, manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch bum.
Get into the shower.
Wash your face and neck.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water-jets flush the contents off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding areas.
Wash your bum, leaving numerous coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a trendy Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partly dry yourself off.
Fail to notice excess water on floor caused by curtain hanging outside bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror and scratch bum again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat lying on floor, and light and fan still on.
Exit, dripping, and swagger back to bedroom with towel wrapped around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and do the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Carelessly throw wet towel onto bed.
I KNOW YOU'RE ALL GIGGLING, CHAPS, BECAUSE IT'S MOSTLY TRUE!!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Composed Upon Westminster Bridge
3rd - Adie Pena with:
American Tune
Adie Pena with:
Celery
Adie Pena with:
Tht Big Baboon
Christopher Sturdy with:
The best six doctors anywhere
1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Childhood sweetheart =
We did her at the school.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A morning erection =
No romance igniter.
3rd - View with:
The 'Miss Wet T-shirt' competitions =
Tits, men, tits! Which tits pose more?
Tony Crafter with:
The Gay Football World Cup in Argentina =
No buggery-art allowed on pitch at final!
Rick Rothstein with:
A bulge in his pants =
A (blush) giant penis.
Rick Rothstein with:
Resist temptations =
Top items: Tits 'n' arse.
Adie Pena with:
Craig Rimmerman's "The Politics of Gay Rights" =
Hot "girls" from America piercing my tight ass.
Rick Rothstein with:
A bulge in his pants =
A (blush) giant penis.
Paul Pan with:
"Geisha guys," ~
e.g., gay sushi!
Adie Pena with:
Those gay polygamists =
Yo! My ass got eight pals!
Adie Pena with:
Crystle Stewart =
Try latest screw!
David Bourke with:
Karen Matthews =
Wanker? That's me!
Rick Rothstein with:
Note: To entice her vagina, ~
I have gotten an erection.
Andrew Brehaut with:
The White House's bathrooms =
Where Bush shits at home, too!
Paul Pan with:
Homoeroticism =
Rim-tooshie.com.
Andrew Brehaut with:
Enlarged gonads =
Oranges dangled.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Unclothed =
Old cunt, eh?