MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER
by
The Beatles
Joan was quizzical; studied pataphysical
Science in the home.
Late nights all alone with a test tube.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine,
Calls her on the phone.
"Can I take you out to the pictures,
Joa, oa, oa, oan?"
But as she's getting ready to go,
A knock comes on the door.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead.
Back in school again Maxwell plays the fool again.
Teacher gets annoyed.
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant
Sce, e, e, ene,
She tells Max to stay when the class has gone away,
So he waits behind
Writing fifty times "I must not be
So, o, o, o.."
But when she turns her back on the boy,
He creeps up from behind.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead.
P. C. Thirty-one said, "We caught a dirty one."
Maxwell stands alone
Painting testimonial pictures.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Rose and Valerie, screaming from the gallery
Say he must go free
(Maxwell must go free)
The judge does not agree and he tells them
So, o, o, o.
But as the words are leaving his lips,
A noise comes from behind.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon his head.
Bang!Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that he was dead.
Whoa, oh, oh Silver hammer, yeah
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ANAGRAMMATISM
(A Commonly Unsociable Malaise)
by
Alexi Cographer
I'm a married man; need to do my anagrams,
Why, I just don't know,
Late nights all alone at my PC
Exchanging 'O's.
Tax my screaming brain, till it's squealing out with pain,
"Please leave me alone!"
All those 'X's 'W's, 'A's, where
Will they all go?
But as I'm almost ready for bed,
A tune fills my poor head.
(Oh blimey!)
"Bang! Bang! Move those 'X' and 'H's
Then disallow three 'E's,
Clang! Clang! Now we need a 'W',
Must remove a 'B'."
When I go to bed, anagrams assault my head,
It's so hard to sleep,
Wish that I could grab some elusive
Zee, e, e, ee's.
Through the midnight gloom, letters zoom around the room,
'I's and 'A's and 'J's,
'H's 'B's and 'S's and 'P's
And oh, oh, oh, 'O's.
But just as I am falling asleep,
I hear those faraway words:
(Oh blimey!)
"Bang! Bang! Move those 'X' and 'H's
Then disallow three 'E's,
Clang! Clang! Now we need a 'W',
Must remove a 'B'."
PC's on again, back in the computer den,
Never mind the sleep,
I'll resolve this gram I am certain,
Hee, hee, hee, hee!
Hear wife scream with wrath, "Turn that Bxxx computer off!"
"Shoosh!" I scream right back,
(Shoosh, he screams right back)
"Just one measly 'X' to use up and I'll
Hi-hit the sack!"
Whoopee! I have found another 'X',
Er ... now I need a 'C'!
(Oh blimey!)
"Bang! Bang! Move those' 'X' and 'H's
Then disallow three 'E's,
Clang! Clang! Now we need a 'W',
Must remove a 'B'."
Wa-ha, ha-ha, must lose more 'R's,
A-tee-hee, hee-hee, I need a 'P'!
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