1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Italian crime boss =
A Sicilian mobster.
2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Nicotine addiction =
Idiotic and not nice.
Eq3rd - View with:
Sir Isaac Newton's apple tree =
One scientist prepares a law.
Eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Don't eat cereals that change the colour of the milk =
Chocolate Corn Flakes that delight me are out then?
Meyran Kraus with:
Be on a life support system =
Some floppy tubes sent air.
Adie Pena with:
The evolutionary anthropologists =
Our vision: That long lost ape theory.
Rosie Perera with:
Cleaning up the oil spill =
Hell until closing a pipe.
Rosie Perera with:
An airline's in-flight entertainment system =
Namely, entire films seen in transit at night.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Coif's a ~
fiasco.
Adie Pena with:
Seek star? Hit ~
the asterisk!
Ivan Andonov with:
Hipster fashion ‡
A fine posh shirt.
Rosie Perera with:
The Roman gladiators =
A grim death, also torn.
Rosie Perera with:
Primary elections =
Slimy career point.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Fibromyalgia =
Alibi for a gym.
Mike Torr with:
Climate change sceptic ~
catches ice cap melting.
Ivan Andonov with:
Perfect anagrams =
Crafter-Pan games.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Conscientious =
Nice to cousins.
Adie Pena with:
Crash test dummies =
Use them midst cars.
Rosie Perera with:
The doomsday scenario =
So Creation's dead? Oh my!
Dharam Khalsa with:
Chapel artist raises ~
the spiral staircase.
Jesse Frankovich with:
"All the news that's fit to print" =
Spin talents wrote that filth.
Ellie Dent with:
The material witness ~
sees them win at trial.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Prisoner's choice to undergo death by firing squad =
Describing end round is too graphic for the queasy.
View with:
Boneshaker =
No brakes, eh?
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The professional politician =
I race to top finishes in a poll.
Larry Brash with:
"Kids, please, don't try this at home." =
He pled: "It means that's risky to do!"
Nikola Zivanovic with:
No-law deadly soccer =
A second yellow card
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Incontrovertible evidence =
I convinced rotten believer.
David Bourke with:
Circumstantial evidence =
Minutiae cancels verdict.
Adie Pena with:
The UFOlogist =
Ugh! It's ET, fool!
Rosie Perera with:
Breaking the caffeine addiction ‡
I think I'd grab nice coffee and tea.
Rosie Perera with:
Breaking the caffeine addiction =
I drink a decaf chai, get no benefit.
Rosie Perera with:
A match made in heaven =
Adam (nice man) hath Eve.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Multiple personality disorder =
Sly people do it in murder trials.
Rosie Perera with:
Isolated memory impairment =
I smiled to my partner: "O, am I me?"
Ed Pegg Jr with:
A match made in heaven ‡
Man, maiden have e-chat.
Rosie Perera with:
A match made in heaven? =
Ha! A damn achievement!
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
William Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra =
Snake poisons were lethal act in a play drama.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Sandro Botticelli's painting 'Primavera'. =
Vibrant art! Spring made poetical in oils.
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
English guitarist Pete Townshend ~
is The Who's reputed singing talent.
Ivan Andonov with:
Rage Against the Machine =
A hi-tech main stage anger.
Rosie Perera with:
Paul McCartney can't remember most of his songs =
Gaps from senior moments scramble catchy tune?
Adie Pena with:
"West Side Story" [Leonard Bernstein] =
Real bitterness worsens. Tony died.
Adie Pena with:
The surrealist Dali =
This ideal art rules!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Tonight With Jonathan Ross - BBC One =
Best Chat Show.
I rant...
No job, nothing!
Scott Gardner with:
The reality show "Britain's Got Talent" =
Startles nation with great hit Boyle.
Meyran Kraus with:
The novel 'Lolita' =
Love that li'l one!
Adie Pena with:
Sign up and 'Broadcast Yourself' at ~
YouTube for daring casts and pals.
Dharam Khalsa with:
William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" =
Seems in-laws jeer ideal marital hook-up.
Adie Pena with:
The Royal Shakespeare Company =
Pay to hear my chosen "Lear" speak!
Ellie Dent with:
L. Frank Baum: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz =
A few dazzled, rum folk hunt for rainbow.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The return of the prodigal son =
Regale to honour spendthrift
View with:
The surrealist Salvador Dali ~
shares "visual riddle" art a lot.
Scott Gardner with:
American football =
October/fall mania
David Bourke with:
The American Idol host Ryan Seacrest =
More critics dare say "He has no talent!"
Meyran Kraus with:
The animated film and sequel, 'Toy Story Three' =
Most of the quality and style remained there!
Adie Pena with:
Repuglicans ~
replacing US!
View with:
Repuglicans =
Pigs can rule.
Meyran Kraus with:
Tom Cruise in the movie "Knight and Day" =
Markets? They continued avoiding him.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The modern art of Pablo Picasso =
Abstract of model in poor shape!
1st - David Bourke with:
The coastline of Florida and Louisiana =
The fauna, flora and soil is coated in oil.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The environmental disaster =
Oil in streams that never end.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Oil spill in the Gulf =
I'll pollute fishing.
Nikola Zivanovic with:
Giant sinkhole in Guatemala =
Agatha kills in a minute, gone.
Ivan Andonov with:
Israeli commandos =
Iron Mossad malice.
Rosie Perera with:
Sinkhole in Guatemala =
Ate house, killing a man.
Christopher Sturdy with:
The nasty oil company, British Petroleum =
BP - they pollute most in American history!
Christopher Sturdy with:
A prediction for this year's World Cup =
It's properly crowded in South Africa!
Adie Pena with:
The Louisiana shoreline =
I see thin oil on lush area.
View with:
The CEO of British Petroleum Tony Hayward =
Unworthy; hefty oil spot bothered America.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Slogan "Drill, Baby, Drill" =
Silly blind dollar grab.
Rosie Perera with:
British Petroleum gas stations =
Burst rig spat most oil in the sea.
Scott Gardner with:
The British Petroleum Company =
My oil-pump torrent hit beaches
Meyran Kraus with:
Israel's violent aid ship attacks =
Stir division as peace talks halt.
Rosie Perera with:
Kevin Costner's Ocean Therapy Solutions device =
Chosen venture provisioned to clean sticky sea.
View with:
The Taliban Stronghold =
Long, hard battle on this.
Tony Crafter with:
The FIFA World Cup Football Tournament =
Forum for a full pitch battle. Date? On now!
Scott Gardner with:
The reality television show "American Idol" =
Hint: I hear Simon Cowell is ready to leave it.
Rosie Perera with:
BP venture to lower ~
blowout preventer.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Who cares, it's done, end of story, will probably be fine" =
Words said by fellow in BP before one oily tar stench
Meyran Kraus with:
The Florida coast =
Scared of that oil.
Meyran Kraus with:
It's a big problem =
BP rig is to blame!
Adie Pena with:
Gulf Coast Restoration Plan =
Constant outrage for a spill?
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Download Vuvuzela ringtones to your cell phone" =
A vigorous World Cup zone novelty tune and "Hello?"
David Bourke with:
The Gulf Coast Restoration Plan =
Rags sent for to clean up that oil
Adie Pena with:
British Petroleum's twenty billion dollar payout =
Oil spill problem to ruin Tony Hayward's elite butt!
Rosie Perera with:
"America is addicted to oil." (George W. "Dubya" Bush) =
Able-bodied? Mercy! Go without car usage, as I did.
Ellie Dent with:
Florida coastline =
And it's clear of oil??
David Bourke with:
Serbia one, Germany nil ~
annoys a Berlin regime
Rosie Perera with:
Tea Party Express =
Pester taxpayers.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Monday is Summer Solstice =
Sun's mode is more mystical.
Rosie Perera with:
Tea Party Republicans =
Lunacy appears bitter.
Adrian Hickford with:
The England/Slovenia game =
Eleven men dashing at goal.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Tea Party Republicans =
Irate, unstable--crappy!
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Superhumanity =
Isner-Mahut? Yup.
Adie Pena with:
Isner vs. Mahut =
Humans strive.
Rosie Perera with:
Porn sites get their own domain: .xxx =
Warn the minors: "Exit! Not God, sex pix!"
Adie Pena with:
'Psychic' octopus predicts Germany win over England ~
and gives tasty prophecies concerning my World Cup!
Tony Crafter with:
England sad as their team goes out of the World Cup =
Lost goal. Thumped Four-One. The end. 'Twas a disgrace.
Adie Pena with:
England loses to Germany four-one =
Rooney goes under amongst fallen.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The first hurricane of the season, Alex =
Sheer rain can exhaust the oil efforts.
David Bourke with:
England's World Cup footie team =
Two fingers due to damn Capello!
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Archbishop Tutu: a life force =
The Republic of South Africa.
2nd - View with:
Danica Sue Patrick =
Pick a car and use it
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
United States General Stanley McChrystal =
My last insane stunt gets called 'treachery'.
Ivan Andonov with:
Francisco Macias Nguema =
African scum goes maniac!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Al and Tipper Gore =
Iron pledge? Apart!
Christopher Sturdy with:
The Arsenal football captain, Cesc Fabregas =
Barcelona has acceptable offer at last... Sign!
Adie Pena with:
The CEO of British Petroleum Tony Hayward =
Hey, better worry. Placed a foot in his mouth.
Rosie Perera with:
The Dog Whisperer host, Cesar Millan, ~
helps dame to train her Welsh Corgis.
Tony Crafter with:
The famous American soprano Renee Fleming =
Och! An eminent female opera singer from USA!
Rosie Perera with:
Director Alfred Hitchcock, the "Master of Suspense" =
The plot thickens: shot fades, crimes occurred...fear!
David Bourke with:
Sir Michael Stoute ~
must elicit a horse.
Adie Pena with:
The inventor Elisha Graves Otis =
This ever astonishing elevator.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Elisha Graves Otis =
Go stairless? I have!
Dharam Khalsa with:
British Petroleum CEO Tony Hayward =
Portrayed as icy twit, no humble hero!
Scott Gardner with:
Robert Green =
Regret boner*
Ellie Dent with:
Will Shakespeare, the English Bard =
Aha! Spells bewhiskered earthling!
Rosie Perera with:
Ray Mabus, the new Oil Spill Recovery Chief =
Hopefully I merely want beach crisis over.
David Bourke with:
The lingerie model Abigail Rose Clancy =
All logical men agree it...her body is nice!
Adie Pena with:
Henri-Emile-Benoit Matisse =
Immense notabilities here.
Adie Pena with:
The Sudanese basketball player Manute Bol =
A lean NBA Bullets athlete sure spoke "My bad."
Scott Gardner with:
Basketball player Manute Bol =
A superbly-tall NBA team bloke.
David Bourke with:
Christine Louise Bleakley =
N. Irish cutie blokes all eye!
Meyran Kraus with:
The CEO of British Petroleum, Anthony Hayward =
I blame the unwary top honcho for the dirty sea.
Dharam Khalsa with:
General David Petraeus =
Leads, given a departure.
Dharam Khalsa with:
General David Petraeus =
Geared up and versatile.
Rosie Perera with:
United States President Barack Hussein Obama ~
is mad BP's abuses taint the entire US ocean dark.
Meyran Kraus with:
Stanley McChrystal =
Tactless? Army lynch!
Ivan Andonov with:
Tiger Woods' ~
id got worse.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Cyd Charisse and Tony Martin ~
do stay married, natch in sync.
Larry Brash with:
The Andalucian artist Pablo Picasso =
He is a top Cubist and a local partisan.
1st - David Bourke with:
The World Cup football competition in South Africa =
To ruin it, blow off a loud, totemic, cheap plastic horn!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Sun-filled New York =
Wonderful skyline!
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
British Petroleum Company =
My pipe burst; oil came north.
View with:
Sherwood =
We R. Hoods.
David Bourke with:
British Petroleum PLC =
To curb the prime spill?
Dharam Khalsa with:
As Seen On TV Infomercial Products =
Claims of never-used contraptions.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"As Seen On TV" products ~
cost vendors peanuts!
Adie Pena with:
Transportation Security Administration =
Nasty rotten discrimination at U.S. airport.
David Bourke with:
The South Africans ~
hate fart cushions!
View with:
Brooklyn =
Look! NY Br.!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Otis Elevator Company ~
move person at a city hotel.
Tony Crafter with:
The Otis Elevator Company =
Yes, another place to vomit!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Archbishop Tutu: a life force =
The Republic of South Africa.
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Master Lock Combination Padlock =
A crook can't pick the model's main bolt.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Sydney to Hobart Race =
Yacht boats there yonder!
View with:
The Otis Elevator Company =
Can help move it to a storey.
Ivan Andonov with:
The German Democratic Republic =
Herd crept in brutal commie cage.
Scott Gardner with:
British Petroleum =
Permit oil burst, eh?
Larry Brash with:
Issac Newton's three Laws of Motion =
Where two actions manifest, no loss.
Rosie Perera with:
The spiral staircase in Loretto Chapel =
Oh, all people create. Christ is an artist!
View with:
The Royal Shakespeare Company =
Hope to see rare play, many hacks.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
'Romeo and Juliet' =
La mort d'une joie.
Adrian Hickford with:
Coca-Cola =
Cloaca Co.
Rosie Perera with:
Occupational Safety and Health Administration ~
can find lethal radiation at a hot US company site.
Adie Pena with:
Occupational Safety and Health Administration =
I anticipate the old man lost a hand in a U.S. factory.
Rosie Perera with:
Hotmail's Personal Spam Bodyguard =
Program stops bad unholy email ads.
Ellie Dent with:
Europeans =
EU persona.
Rosie Perera with:
The World National Oil Companies Congress =
One sharp CEO, a Londoner, can't go, will miss it.
Meyran Kraus with:
Tea Party Republicans =
Apparent subliteracy.
Rosie Perera with:
The United States Tea Party Republicans =
Pietists hate any elected urban upstart.
Meyran Kraus with:
The Otis Elevator Company =
It moves to any other place!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Royal Bafokeng Stadium =
Loud fake horns by game at it
Rick Rothstein with:
Otis Elevators =
O, it serves a lot.
Ivan Andonov with:
The Sagrada Familia church =
Gaudi hatches a frail charm.
Hamlet with:
Roman armies ~
man armories.
1st - David Bourke with:
How to permanently silence the incessant droning of a vuvuzela horn =
Shove the thing into any convenient zulu fellow's rear, and scamper on!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The helpful 'Catseyes' were invented by P. Shaw. The idea hit him when, driving home along a dark, foggy lane, he saw a lone cat, its ~
eyes aglow in the headlights. A gift!
So... say the cat'd been walking away from him? Would he have invented the pencil sharpener?
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Clear-eyed, we can understand that there will be war - and still strive for peace. (Obama, the US president)
=
We'd near a total Mideast peace pact when:
- Beavers learn to fly;
- Buddha's resurrected;
- It's winter in hell.
Ellie Dent with:
A kangaroo walks into a city bar. "Beer, please, bartender." "That's ten dollars. We rarely see roos..." "You surprised? At THESE prices?" =
Descartes goes to a Wallaroo bar. A barkeeper, Larry: "Try our beer... it's new, as you'll see." Descartes: "I think not." Then disappears.
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end" (anonymous) =
One hot egotist needed huge billowy boxer shorts, not white Champion briefs!
Rosie Perera with:
"A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart." (Paul McCartney) =
My top answer: "The Fab Four as classical music? Led Zeppelin as Telemann? The Who tied to Mahler? Wow! Yet not remotely true."
Rosie Perera with:
"So far I'm unscathed ... Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." (BP CEO Tony Hayward) =
Barack Obama (who prefers oyster) surveys brown stench, says: "I don't want them to dumbly nickel and dime us."
Adie Pena with:
"The events depicted in this movie are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental." =
Every idiotic individual or vilified enemy in any hit comedy is entertainment. This is legal crap to protect one's ass.
Christopher Sturdy with:
Q: How long is a piece of string?
A: Double the length from one of its ends to the middle. =
Told him of quite a feeble response holding some logic that's not worth defending!
Dharam Khalsa with:
"WARNING: Do not leave pumps unattended. You are responsible for spills." (Photo by New Orleans resident taken at BP station) =
An interminable, notably deep, hot, enveloping leak is portrayed as US town residents' own fault, and not BP's? Preposterous!
View with:
The iron-containing respiratory pigment in red blood cells of vertebrates =
Hemoglobin - protein transports 'air' in blood cycle. Fe-getter/trader in veins.
Dharam Khalsa with:
U.S. Identifies Vast Riches of Minerals in Afghanistan, ~
insinuating selfish American raids. That's offensive!
Rosie Perera with:
Untapped mineral deposits in Afghanistan could be worth one trillion =
Taliban men announcing: "We'd shift all our older trade in poppies to this!"
David Bourke with:
La Fˇdˇration Internationale de Football Association =
Toot toot! An intolerable noise-aid deafens all in Africa!
Rosie Perera with:
The American Airlines "Boarding and Flexibility Package" =
I may get in, relax in plane cabin ahead of glib, erratic kids.
David Bourke with:
The Manchester United and England footballer Wayne Rooney =
Another draw recently, many genuine fans boo the leaden dolt!
Dharam Khalsa with:
God Bless America, the land of the brave, and the home of the free
=
O, Sage Father that defended her from evil bombs, heal the ocean.
Dharam Khalsa with:
Harrison Ford weds Calista Flockhart in New Mexico =
Sort of formal, and with anorexic wisecracks held in.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Princess Victoria Ingrid Alice Desiree of Sweden =
Signer of civic deed, I wed cissie personal trainer
David Bourke with:
Julia Gillard, the twenty-seventh Australian Prime Minister =
Pretty naive, I grant...I'm just an unmarried little Welsh Sheila!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The events depicted in this movie are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental
=
Did this film not tell a true story is happening? Every lie receives anonymity: it decides to avoid incrimination case
Dharam Khalsa with:
An unpaid fat fill-in hatched a dependent in the rain; the mama went to Hawaii! (Dr. Seuss)
=
"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent!"
Ivan Andonov with:
The American trumpet player John Birks "Dizzy" Gillespie =
Hear a chirpily jumpy tone like Miles, Bird, Prez, Stan Getz...
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
It's time for our quadrennial fixation;
With amazing judgement (or dumb luck),
Choose your favourite football nation
To predict the winners of the World Cup.
=
A fortune-telling octopod quaint
Jumped out from its tub restraint,
Foretold of a German win,
Which excited a humour of Berlin,
Who vocalized, "Our inky saint!"
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
It's time for our quadrennial fixation;
With amazing judgement (or dumb luck),
Choose your favourite football nation
To predict the winners of the World Cup
=
France got jinxed with team spirit of nil
Uruguay have more adequate skill
On Dutch form could I frown ...
But on merit the crown
Of top nation is too due Brazil!
3rd - David Bourke with:
It's time for our quadrennial fixation;
With amazing judgement (or dumb luck),
Choose your favourite football nation
To predict the winners of the World Cup.
=
Look, I don't care a jot who wins, I'm afraid
...but quit blowing the confounded monotone
plastic trumpets for throughout a fixture...unreal!
I feel I'm driven crazy!
David Bourke with:
Johannesburg Final...England v Brazil,
our most dramatic one yet! With quite
miraculous fluid footwork, Peter Crouch
to pound it in off the wood in extra-time!
Adie Pena with:
With wider devotion to basketball courts, don't quite expect a Filipino citizen with mind to do for hours our fun Anagrammy Challenge for June at our Forum. :(
Dharam Khalsa with:
I know zip about "official quarters",
Don't expect a judged nomination
For such a ho-hum, regretful contribution;
I'll vote for the worldwide term "USA", my nation!
Dharam Khalsa with:
I see the exciting tournament,
Full of a triumph for Italy,
But warn of a mood of disquiet,
Conducive to word-blurting tantrums
Which jeopardize an onlooker.
Dharam Khalsa with:
I'm qualified now, due to index research.
I'm voting...(drum roll)...Italy's the future champion!
But, not without conjecture on great footwork of Spain and of Brazil!
Ivan Andonov with:
Quite a cool commotion, for I dreamt of an outstanding, fruitful Serbian role, but I just woke up to find Xavi Hernandez with the crew claim our golden trophy.
Adie Pena with:
Outdo Fatigued Clint + Harm Ronaldo + Outwit Steven Pienaar - Lionel Messi Thrown Out + Jump Franck Ribery - Eto'o Who? + Defend Turf + Quixotic Maicon Fought = Brazil!
View with:
It's time for our quadrennial fixation;
With amazing judgement (or dumb luck),
Choose your favourite football nation
To predict the winners of the World Cup. =
July Eleven, Final match of Mundial.
To name winner? Excruciating, tough question...
From this factitious, daft prophet: no doubt - Brazil!!!
Ow, weird error? OK, outdo!
Larry Brash with:
Australia expected to beat rival Germany in the first round? Just think how much of a gold prize for our own nation?
Come on, moron, it would be quite difficult!
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
For a colourful quick oath or two
Major red cards waft in view
But if England's ruling men
Fix it (Rooney's mouth aim), then
To the nation could it (top prize) be due!
Tony Crafter with:
Don't Drop It On TV!
Dire England to win it, the Jules Rimet?
Fu*k off! A Zulu has more chance!
Italy, or Mexico, might win a bouquet,
But I would root for Spain or France.
Rosie Perera with:
But how come mild Canada isn't on the victors' list? Bizarre. A mixup?
No. They got ejected from the running due to quite awful foul footwork in a prior round. FAIL!
Larry Brash with:
Wow! Australia will play next round. Can it beat the turd-coloured mob from Ghana to just keep in the event, or zooming off, crucified, quit from it in dishonour.
Ellie Dent with:
Many in turmoil spend to order food,
Much of it junk: a mountain... larger, though.
Extra cratefuls of booze, wine... vital liquid.
But I predict a net win for who? Tesco!
Tony Crafter with:
Loudmouth Rooney will jump on a Brazilian's nuts, boot the ref, howl "F*ck off!" and get red carded.
Au-revoir to quixotic France.
Um... So, I tip the German unit to win it.
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
I warn: Let no vulgar jiber, or a few
Mean foul, instant red card, off too! ...
I think I'm quixotic, but ...
With Rooney's mouth shut
To fair England top prize could come due!
Adie Pena with:
IRRITATION MIFFED ME
A drone for long so loud
Can bother in a crowd.
Throw over the 'zela,
Obnoxious anti-quiet fella
With fucking trumpet!
Can you just dump it?
View with:
Look, question is, who can see tomorrow - the future.
Who can be major fruitful prophet, fit to aid to find victor....
Tumid Brazil? Unduly Argentina? Mexico? England?
Christopher Sturdy with:
Wow! Fuck! France, England, Italy, Spain, vie to out-underperform one another and be first out with just too much to do.
I much required Brazilian XI to lift gloom.
Dharam Khalsa with:
In one US v. Algeria moment,
A US hero could, in fact,
Jump out of the woodwork,
Outfox their tactic - mid-trip,
And therefore WIN!
But only if England or Brazil quits!
Meyran Kraus with:
Formal Bet
Uruguay? Jinxed. Ghana? Quite off.
Teutonic or Dutch? Need to train.
Proud Brazil or those last two won't win much love.
I'm forced to inform: I like Spain.
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
How Smart Are You?
1. You're participating in a race. You finally overtake the second person. What position are you in?
2. And if you just overtook the last person, then you are...?
3. Some very puzzling arithmetic! This must be calculated in your head only. Don't use a calculator or even paper and pencil for this.
Add 40 to 1000. Now add 1000. Add 30 more. Add 1000. Now add 20 more. Add another 1000. Add 10 more. What is the total?
4. Mary's father had five lovely daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono... What's the name of the fifth daughter?
5. A mute person goes into some shop to buy himself a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and manages to buy it.
Then a blind man comes into the shop and wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how would HE indicate what he wants?
Answers to the quiz:
1. If you answered that you're first, then you're absolutely WRONG! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, YOU'RE in second place.
2. If you answered you're second to last, then you're WRONG again. How can you overtake the LAST person?!
3. Did you get 5000? It's not very accurate... The correct answer is actually 4100.
4. Did you Answer Nunu? No! Of course it's incorrect. Her name is Mary. Read this question again!
5. It's very simple, really: He opens his mouth and ask for it...
=
How Stupid Are You?
Choose an answer for each question, then add up the numbers to determine your stupidity level:
The capital of Greece is...
1. Dwindling.
2. Athens.
3. G.
4. "Saturday Night Fever" is a lot more fun.
What's the opposite of Apathy?
1. I don't care.
2. Interest.
3. Cherokee.
4. A-dead-end-y?
Who's known as the discoverer of America?
1. Neanderthals.
2. Christopher Columbus.
3. Americus Gazpacho.
4. Captain Crunch.
Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?
1. The man who invented this "joke", hopefully.
2. Ulysses S. Grant.
3. I need more information.
4. Which one of them?
Let's say I wed your cousin and I have a cousin too; then he is...
1. Not wanted on Thanksgiving.
2. My cousin-in-law's cousin.
3. A next of kin of sorts.
4. We can't both be married to my cousin!
Let's add up your points:
5-7: You possess a negative amount of stupidity. You're a constant smartass who has no energy to try this unneeded test. Go read Kafka or something.
8-12: You have zero stupidity and answered almost every question in the test correctly. Well done, you are duller than a fourth grade history teacher. You are the person that often tells everyone when 'whom' should be used.
13-19: You maintain a healthy amount of stupidity. You are a failure, fall down a lot and are a real hazard to yourself and to others. You are probably a pet psychic.
20: You are Sarah Palin.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A fourteen-year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall for the first time.
They found they were perplexed by everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that would move apart and slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Oh, Father! What do you think this is?"
His father (hitherto, never having seen an elevator) replied, "Ah, I have never beheld anything like it in my life;" He scratched his beard, paused, then he added, "Good son, I fear I do not know what this is."
While the awestruck boy and his befuddled father were watching, a fat old lady waddled up and pressed a button. In a while, the walls opened, and she headed through them into a small room. Suddenly, the walls slid shut again, and the boy and his father watched as the outer numbers above lit up sequentially. They continued to watch as it reached the highest number, and then the digits began to light up in the reverse order.
Suddenly, the walls whooshed open again and a gorgeous 18-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, whispered quietly to his son...
"Jethro, go get your mother."
=
A couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.
One morning, the girl asked if she could take a bath. The wife told her they didn't have a proper bath but she could use a tin bath in front of the fire...
"Monday night's best, when my husband plays darts," she said. So the girl agreed to take a bath the following Monday....
After the man had gone to the pub to play darts, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl stripped off. She was quite surprised to note that the girl didn't have any pubic hair, and she told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week I'll leave a little gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself."
The following Monday, as the girl was getting undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Have you got any?"
"Why, yes," replied the woman, and displayed her hairy thatch.
When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife enquired, "Well? Did you see it?"
"Yes," he replied, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours?"
"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it all before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!"
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DR. WATSON IN A HOT-AIR BALLOON
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are taking a trip across a desert by hot-air balloon.
There are very few landmarks; and eventually, inevitably they become lost.
Luckily, while flying quite low, they see a man. Holmes shouts, 'Sir, could you please tell me where we are?'
The man looks up, ponders for a moment, and then answers, 'Gentlemen, you are in a hot-air balloon!'
At this moment, a burst of wind picks up the balloon and carries it far away.
=
Sherlock Holmes turns and asks: 'My dear old pal, do you know who that man is?'
'No no, Holmes, of course not. Enlighten me.'
'He's a mathematician.'
'That's quite remarkable! Brilliant! But *how* do you know?'
'Elementary,' says Holmes, drily.
'Look, it's apparent overall he's an intellectual and a rational man. He deliberately took a brief time to ponder our problem before answering.
Secondly, his answer was absolutely correct.
Thirdly and finally, the answer he gave was of no practical use whatsoever.'
Adie Pena with:
An eighty-nine-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his medical tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How're you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "Shucks, God and I are this tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's conspicuously fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, 'poof!' That darn light goes on in the bathroom. When I'm done, 'poof!' The darn light goes off in the bathroom."
=
"Wow, that's so incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's homemaker to say, "Oh, Ethel, George is progressively doing okay. Not a symptom, too. But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Your honey claims that he gets up during the night, and 'poof!' The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, 'poof!' The light goes off. He's not fooling or lying, is he?"
"Oh, my God!" the provoked woman exclaims. "The damn fuck's peeing in the refrigerator again!"
Dharam Khalsa with:
Hours after the end of the world, a dispute emerges between heaven and hell. The devil slyly suggests to God above that a soccer
game be played to settle the score once and for all. ~
"The game would be a farce!" the Lord protests, gesturing, "You see, all the best football players got sent here to heaven."
"Oh, yes," the cad devil concedes. "And we've got all the damned refs!"
View with:
Mr. Lonely
Larry Brash with:
Can you spare just two dollars?
Ranji is a nine year old boy living in Namibia. The poor kid has only one leg, one arm and one good eye. Each morning he has to ride seven miles to school along an extremely narrow road on a rusty bike with a bent front wheel, no brakes and only one cane pedal.
If you send me just two dollars I will send you the video - it is fucking hilarious!
=
Do you enjoy racist jokes? I have some other new jokes you'll love:
I failed in the annual biology examination at our night school. I was asked to name two things found in cells. Apparently, "Drunk aboriginals and Lebanese on heroin" is not the answer.
Have been to my eye doctor and he says "You're colour blind, pal". Now, I'm worried all my old friends are niggers or Indian!
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Anne Bradstreet Poem, "The Author to her Book" (the first verses)
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Dryden Quote Anagrammed Into Eight Sherlock Holmes Stories
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
THE GOLFING NUN
A nun walked into Mother Superior's office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a heavy sigh.
'What troubles you, Sister Cecelia?' asked the Mother Superior... 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'
'It is,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Jesus.'
'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior concurred. 'So, I take it your day of joyous recreation was not relaxing?'
'Joyous? Far from it,' groaned the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'
'Goodness me!' gasped the Mother Superior. 'You must tell me all about it!'
'Well, we were on the eighth tee, and this hole is a monster, Mother... a five-hundred-and-forty-yard par-five, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green ... and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I chose ... and it hits a bird in mid-flight!'
'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that did not make you blaspheme, Sister!'
'No, that wasn't it! While I'm still trying to fathom what had happened, a squirrel jumps out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'
'Oh, that could make me blaspheme!' sympathised the Mother.
'But I did not, Mother!' cried the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I'm pondering whether it's a sign from God, a hawk swoops out of the sky, grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'
'So, that is when you cursed,' said the other with a knowing smile.
'No, that wasn't it either,' she cried, 'because, as the hawk was flying out of sight, the squirrel began to struggle and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball pinged out of his paws and rolled to about eighteen inches from the hole!'
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said ....
'You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?'
=
THE GOLFING ASSASSIN.
Two old friends were just about to tee off at their local golf course when a man carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.'
'Sure,' they said, 'You're very welcome.' So, with that, they started playing and they enjoyed the game, as well as the stranger's company.
Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'
'Well, I'm a... professional hit man. I carry out assassinations,' was the somewhat embarrassed reply.
'What? You are kidding, right?' they responded, flabbergasted.
'No, I'm not,' he said, delving into his golf bag, and pulling out an impressive sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'And to prove it, this is my equipment.'
'Wow, that's a beautiful telescopic sight,' whistled the other friend. 'Mind if I take a look? I think I might be able to spot my house from here.'
He picked up the rifle and looked westwards through the sight, towards the direction of his house.
'Yep, I can see my house all right. Wow, this sight's terrific! I can view right in through the windows. And there's my wife in the front bedroom...! I can see that she's stark naked... W'wait a minute,' he stuttered, 'that's my neighbour in there with her... Lord! He's undressed as well!' He turned to the hit man, 'Right,' he huffed, 'that's it! How much would you charge for a hit?'
'I'll do a standard flat rate for you - a thousand dollars, plus tax, every time I pull the trigger.'
'Will you liquidate both of them for me right now?'
'Ok,' he nodded, 'what are your requirements?'
'First, shoot my wife. She's always been a bigmouth, so take her square in the mouth. Then, that sex-mad neighbour who's supposed to be my friend - shoot his worthless dick off to teach him a lesson.'
The hit man nodded, 'I understand'. He lifted the rifle, composed himself, then started to take aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
'Well? Are you going to do it or not?' asked the frustrated friend.
'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I may be able to save you a grand here...'
Tony Crafter with:
Sandy
Mike Torr with:
Hotel California
Adie Pena with:
Beyond The Sea
Dharam Khalsa with:
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But, ah, my foes, and, oh, my friends --
It gives a lovely light.
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
=
The Night Owl
My husband distantly dreaming,
This mind that's overactive
Finds all the syllables teeming;
By noon, not fully active!
Adie Pena with:
Distant Shores
Dharam Khalsa with:
Blue Bayou
Meyran Kraus with:
From George Farquhar's "The Recruiting Officer"
1st - Larry Brash with:
Woman's G Spot =
"Now!", most gasp.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Prostitutes for hire =
Forte is "tits-per-hour."
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A stimulated prick =
A lick made it spurt!
View with:
Fornicating depths ~
I can't find her G-spot!
Christopher Sturdy with:
Deutschland Uber Alles... ~
are such bellend adults
Adie Pena with:
The erogenous zones =
Tongues snooze here.
David Bourke with:
The hymen reconstruction operation =
I chose one to repair my torn cunt, then!
Ivan Andonov with:
The shemale porn movies =
Hot mom leaves her penis
Larry Brash with:
An old prostitute =
Not a top-ride slut.
Tony Crafter with:
Frankenstein's monster =
Ten foreskins' remnants!