Anagrammy Placegetters for November 1998

All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 1998 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Silicone Transplants =
Plan nicer tits on lass.

2nd - Tom Myers with:
Election results =
Lies - let's recount.

3rd - Keith Lehman with:
Winter is coming =
I'm into screwing.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Art Day with:
"I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" =
Mutant slasher, dim kids - it'll wow you.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Johannes Vermeer van Delft's "Girl with a pearl earring" =
'Teen and her jewel' - performing ravishing art. All raves!

3rd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
"The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" =
These divas feted on queer's art, in cheerful plot.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Johnnie Burning Elk with:
Seasons Greetings =
Tense Aggressions.

2nd - Mick Tully with:
The Monica Lewinsky Tapes =
Listen... Women yack... Ah, spite!

3rd - Richard Peers with:
Colin Montgomerie wins the European Order of Merit again =
Re: ace golfer on tee, hits wood, on green in minimum par ratio.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Jon Gearhart with:
If you're skeptical, that's okay. Just make the call and see for yourself. My job is to inform you, your job is to make your own decision. =
My job? A skill. I screw you, too. Your job? To take my jism anally. Make your decision soon - I found fifty other ass- fuckers out there, ape.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A Wet T-Shirt Contest =
Wants hot, erect tits.

3rd - Kevin Hale with:
Haemorrhoids =
Oh! Had sore rim!!

THE SPAM CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
"Look at this. This may be the most significant letter you receive this year!!" =
"Hi, these scams are not legal, you shitty trickster. Ye be a thief. I vomit on it!"

2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
sassy.lapen@sympatico.ca =
pansy-ass@typical.scam.oe

3rd - Daniel F. Etter with:
This really can make you easy money!! It works!! =
Eat my shit, wanker! You lyin' yokel! A sore scam!

2nd - Larry Brash with:
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
=
We hobby anagrammatists in alt.anagrams love to reorder big words into the weighty embedded gem. He vet silly bullshit, eh?

eq.3rd - David Byron with:
The Governor-elect of Minnesota, Jesse "The Body" Ventura =
Rasslin' vote event -- hence, Ego's joy to defeat Norm, Hubert.

eq.3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
You have the opportunity to partake in the most extraordinary and powerful wealth building program! =
I'm power-hungry, rat-bastard thug. Pad in, take hard-to-earn money (pot full), throw in pit. Exit. Leave you poor.

eq.3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Arthur C. Clarke's "Two Thousand and One: A Space Odyssey" =
PC Hal on: "Do you want astronauts dead?" "Yes." He's crackers!

eq.3rd - Richard Peers with:
"Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch." =
What, mint sauce? Carnivores love to munch food - ah, gladly vow for ban!

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Daniel F. Etter with:
Doctor Kevorkian =
To invoke Dr. Croak.

eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
President Nelson Mandela =
A lone splendid man enters.

eq.2nd - Mike Hatton with:
Newton Gingrich =
Right-wing nonce.

eq.2nd - Steve Krakowski with:
Alexander the Great =
Rex, a threat, a legend!

eq.2nd - Tom Myers with:
U.S. Senator Strom Thurmond =
Hormones dormant, trust us!

eq.2nd - Rodley with:
Iain Peter Elkington =
Tit? Keen leap in groin!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Richard Brodie with:
Sleeman's Brewing & Malting Company Ltd. =
Mingling beer & lady's pants won't calm me.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Sexey's School for Boys, Bruton =
Only for boys? Scour both sexes.

3rd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Our Christmas, in summer =
Some Christians murmur.

THE ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY

1st - Tom Myers with:
Broadstairs Lighthouse =
Abort ghoulish disaster.
Lost use harbor sight-aid.
Distraught sailor, he sob.
Abolisher so distraught.
Abolishers outright sad.

eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
I think you are totally out of your league. You shouldn't say stuff like that. You should STOP IT!! =
Yuk, get out, you opinionated shit-head! Truthfully, you're a total fool. You slothful ass. It's yuk!!
Post your dud shit on another site, you ugly asshole. You talk like a fool. Youthful fatuity! Tut!
Piss off thusly, you troglodyte! Australians, like I, hate you! You talk the fool! Out, you nut! Thud!!

eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A Wet T-Shirt Contest =
Wants hot, erect tits.
Water tits, not chest!
Watch & sort teen tits.
Can test her two tits.
Rate twin-tots' chest.
Western act: Hot tits!
Tart chest-set? It won!

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Brodie with:
Psalm 23

2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Autumn

The howling wind, shrill to my ears
Flows through the trees, bombarding leaves
Breaking their bond with the limbs
Depositing them upon the ground

-- Jon Gearhart

Fall

Around the bend, might this winter await
As high leaves turn, then drop to earth?
I hope the snowstorms do not linger,
Bringing slumber to my big world.

-- Hugh J. Hekuebem

3rd - Keith Lehman with:
[A group of Shakespeare-related anagrams.]

Shakespeare =
A shaker's pee.
Peek? Has arse.
He's a speaker.
A sash keeper.
Shake serape.
Seek a seraph.
Keeps a share.
Sea? Shark pee!
AK! Sheep arse.
He speak arse.
Hare keep ass.
Hare seeks pa.
Ass heap reek.

The Bard of Avon =
Haven't food bar.
Oh, bra of advent!
Ha! Rob of Advent.
Oh, no! Fat Adverb!
Tavern food? Bah!
Both for Nevada.

The Tempest =
Tempt sheet.
Tempts thee.
Tempt these.
Met the pest.

Measure for Measure =
Me a fearsome usurer.

As you like it =
OK, I use Italy.
I suit a yokel.
You sit alike.

Love's Labour's Lost =
So absolve us, troll.

The Winter's Tale =
The wet entrails.
We salt thirteen.
Wealth interest.
We halt interest.
Entitle wreaths.
Eternal wet shit.
Let's hearten wit.
Lest wit hearten.
The west latrine.
The saltier newt.
Her Seattle twin.
Shelter ain't wet.

Romeo and Juliet =
I jolt Demeanour.
Meet? Lo. I adjourn.
Dominate o'er Jul.
Aureole? Mind jot.

Julius Caesar =
CIA assure Jul.
Cause ail us, Jr.
I sue casual, Jr.

Coriolanus =
I color anus.
Loons curia.
Curio Salon.
Incur a solo.
Scour a lion.
Oral Cousin.
Colour a sin.
Rain cool us.
Lo! Sour Inca.

King Lear =
Link rage.
Real King.
Irk Angel.

Antony and Cleopatra =
Cleopatra and Tony? Na!

Pericles =
Slice rep.

The Comedy of Errors =
Refectory dooms her.
Therefore crys "doom".
Destroyer of chrome.
Rochester defy Moor.
Coy Dr. for threesome.

The Merchant of Venice =
Thenceforth, vice. Amen.
Henceforth, active men.
Henceforth meant vice.
An' evict me henceforth.

Titus Andronicus =
'Tis dinosaur cunt.
Our distinct anus.
Union distract us.
I instruct. Do anus.
Arduous instinct.
Candour? I sun tits.
Caution turns Sid.

Venus and Adonis =
Onan's nude divas.
Sound advise, Ann.
And Ann's devious.
Nuns add evasion.
Ann devoids anus.
Sounds in Nevada.
Vienna sound sad.

Timon of Athens =
Men shootin' aft.
Not met fashion.
He isn't footman.
The footman sin.
Shootin' fat men.