Anagrammy Placegetters for May 1999

All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 1999 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Dangerous Narcotic =
Snort a drug - Cocaine.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
National Masturbation Day =
A damnation? It's natural, boy.

eq.3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
Late night Chinese food party =
Heating the crispy noodle fat.

eq.3rd - Tom Myers with:
Places of worship =
Pews, foolish crap.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - ID Letterman with:
The impossible dream =
His idea met problems.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Brian De Palma's Bonfire Of The Vanities =
Ban this barren movie as a definite flop.

eq.3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
"The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck =
"These Taste of Hen-crap" by H. Bowking Jr.

eq.3rd - Mike Keith with:
The Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection =
Imbecile Creationists say: "Non-proof! Hateful genes!"

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Janet Muggeridge with:
'The Sun' apologises to Sophie Rhys-Jones =
I so enjoy a topless photo ruse, Highness!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Shel Silverstein Dies of Heart Attack =
Hear the fantastic 'kids-level' stories.

3rd - Tom Myers with:
Tone down the violence! =
We do love the innocent!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Janet Muggeridge with:
Satin negligees =
Seeing genitals.

eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
I love licking cunts =
Sucking on clit? Vile!

eq.2nd - Ralph Lenton with:
Fellatio sucks =
I fuck a lot less.

THE SPAM CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
This "Hot", new, technology will also allow you to (realistically) make $2-5,000 in less than 30 days part-time! =
Hey, 'Netwit'! This totally cool anagram shall only cost you 500 dollars. Please mail it within 20-30 weeks.

2nd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
"Hi lover, I am lonely waiting for you to call me. Let me be your "Dark Secret" for life!" =
Are you crying to offer unholy "vertical-smile" item - or fellatio work, belle dame?

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Home schooling (guitar, computer music) over the Internet =
I contrive to circle more spamming throughout Usenet, eh?

2nd - Mike Keith with:
The wren that rages when I sit
Too close to this mulberry tree
Cannot be told, for all her wit
I hung the gourd she guards from me.
=
The egret fussing in the gloom
Sneers curtly - heh! - to torture me;
That horrid budgie in the room
Now raw, castrated fowl shall be.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
"Ya know, I wouldn't mind having an insect flying into my ear. Its tortured screeches and last-minutes-of-its-life buzzing might - for a while - drown out these goddamned voices in my head..."
=
This is a clever new way to get rid of auditory hallucinations. A fizzing bug, in its death throes, stuck down in my own lug hole mends; achieves its aim of ending my torment. Dr. F. N. Eden M.D.

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Florence Nightingale =
Angel of the reclining.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Madame Curie =
Me, Radium ace.

3rd - ID Letterman with:
David and Goliath =
And God hit via lad.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Palestine Liberation Organization =
Arabs' petition? Legalize their nation? No.

2nd - Tom Myers with:
South Lebanon =
Oh no! Unstable.

3rd - Mike Goldfischer with:
World Wrestling Federation =
"Frown, it is not well-regarded."

THE ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY

1st - Marc Macauley with:
No Trespassing =
It nags persons.
Sign not sparse.
Stop near signs.

eq.2nd - Martin Burley with:
Fortean Times: The Journal of Strange Phenomena =
"Jets hunt green man" - some proof of an alien threat?
"Team from Jupiter ran Stonehenge." Not false? No? Ha!
Ghost in photo? No, unreal. Jest earnt man free fame.

eq.2nd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
The "Carry-On" Movie series =
Even more racy histories.
Horny team is ever cosier.
Hey men: corrosive satire.
Historic! Smear everyone.
Hi! Reverence? My ass! O riot!
Censor vetoes hairy emir.
Aye! Is irreverent smooch.
My satire receives honor.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Mike Keith with:
hydrogen + zirconium + tin + oxygen + rhenium + platinum +
tellurium + terbium + nobelium + chromium + iron + cobalt +
carbon + aluminum + ruthenium + silicon + ytterbium + hafnium +
sodium + selenium + cerium + manganese + osmium + uranium +
nickel + praseodymium + erbium + vanadium + thallium + plutonium
=
nitrogen + zinc + rhodium + helium + argon + neptunium +
beryllium + bromine + lutetium + boron + calcium + thorium +
niobium + lanthanum + mercury + fluorine + bismuth + actinium +
silver + cesium + neodymium + magnesium + xenon + samarium +
scandium + europium + berkelium + palladium + antimony + thulium

[This is a "doubly-true anagram" - if you replace each element with its atomic number (= position in the periodic table), there is still equality:]

1 + 40 + 50 + 8 + 75 + 78 +
52 + 65 + 102 + 24 + 26 + 27 +
6 + 13 + 44 + 14 + 70 + 72 +
11 + 34 + 58 + 25 + 76 + 92 +
28 + 59 + 68 + 23 + 81 + 94
=
7 + 30 + 45 + 2 + 18 + 93 +
4 + 35 + 71 + 5 + 20 + 90 +
41 + 57 + 80 + 9 + 83 + 89 +
47 + 55 + 60 + 12 + 54 + 62 +
21 + 63 + 97 + 46 + 51 + 69
[= 1416]

2nd - Richard Brodie with:
[Jiddu Krishnamurti, the Indian mystic, was a gentle soul about whom I know next to nothing. He did, however, write some books, and anagrams of the titles seem to reveal something about his philosophical belief system:]

Krishnamurti's Philosophical Belief System
=
He thinks of all my super charm possibilities.
I bless monk's life, charisma, spirit, youth, help.
Crisis? Hint: if humble, seek to apply his morals.
So mark thou, his principle aims bless thy life.

The Awakening of Intelligence
=
Feeling like neat teaching now?
Let one face new agile thinking.
A fine, ethical, genteel knowing.
O! we can take enlightening life.

"Freedom From The Known" alongside "The First and Last Freedom"
=
Think of new gems for the enlisted fold from an adored master.
Seek it fresh now from fond and soft-hearted immortal legend.
Manifold defiant words of strength from meek honest leader.
Lessons taken from the man of merited wonder afford delight.

This Light in Oneself: True Meditation
=
I, enlightenment's author? I oft sit idle.
The sitter finds the ego illumination.
Oh, this ultimate golden infinite rest.
I tune in to mind, fella. Shit is together!

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Palestine Liberation Organization =

Arabs' petition? Legalize their nation? No.
Arabs' petition - Legalization?! Not in here!
[Israeli government POV]

The elite: Arab got nation? Zion's in a peril!
"An Arab ghetto in Israel", point Zion elite.
[Israeli right-wing POV]

Arabs' petition - Legalization? Oh, enter in!
[Israeli left-wing POV]

To elite: "No nation? Ha! I rebel in Gaza Strip!"
[Palestinian POV]

Lebanon: "I hate Israeli pig at rotten Zion!"
[Lebanon feeling left out]