Anagrammy Placegetters for February 2002
All the highly-placed anagrams from the February 2002 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Radio phone-ins =
Opinions heard.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Tetrahydrocannabinol =
Inhaled, contrary to ban.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Universal agreement =
Relieves an argument.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The children's story of The Sleeping Beauty =
By a touch of these lips, I gently end her rest.
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Oscar nominated actor Will Smith =
Cinema world contrasts him to Ali.
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Each recruit has to learn Brahms at ~
the Australian Chamber Orchestra.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Osama bin Laden =
Some DNA in a lab.
eq.2nd - David Bourke with:
Princess Margaret is dead =
It's sad. (Grim reaper dances!)
eq.2nd - Maurice Goddard with:
War on disease =
Erase AIDS now!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Tight Blouse =
Oh, tits bulge!
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Feeling romantic =
Flaming erection!
3rd - David A. Green with:
O, the taste of mother's milk =
He took meals from the tits.
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
You could tell Lori was proud of her body and she took care of
it. From her wavy blond hair that feathered lightly in the
breeze to her long and beautiful legs that drew appreciative glances.
She was happy with the way she looked. She was proud of her flat
stomach and firm breasts. Her nipples were large and she loved
how they drew a man's attention when they poked through her blouse.
Or in this case, her bikini top.
Lying in the hot sun, she worked a little more sunscreen into her nicely tanned shoulder and turned up her radio.
Lori was alone that day. Actually, she wasn't planning to be. Two days prior, she had broken up with her boyfriend over a petty thing. She knew that they'd probably work it out but she understood that they needed this time apart now. So she came to the beach anyway, not expecting anything.
She laid back on her towel, wishing that she and her boyfriend were there together, his arms around her, putting lotion on her skin. Her hands gently caressed her tummy and she suddenly realized that she was hornier than she thought.
Click here to read the rest of this naughty erotic story...
=
The noble prince halted. There, frozen on a marble plate, was the princess, achingly pretty. He puckered up, knelt down and...
"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" shouted the enraged woman.
"The legend, your Highness... woken by a light kiss on the lips -"
"Not THOSE lips, pervert!" the beauty answered. "Oh, dear god. They're all the same."
"Ah, I -"
"You think I don't read the fable-studies? How Little Red Riding Hood secretly longed for a rough badass to lurk in the shadows? But nobody was interested to learn why the wolf had to dress in *drag*. Not to mention the wanker with the shoe-fitting fetish. A closet-case, no doubt."
"Eh... er...," voiced the prince, the bulge in his pants replaced by a lump in his throat.
"Think the real Rapunzel threw her braids down for someone to climb UP? She shaved her head and used her hair to climb DOWN the tower. Why do you think she grew it - What's your name, baby?"
"Ah, Thor."
"Yeah, right. What's your REAL name?"
"Harry," the prince stated shyly.
"Aha. Have to french a stiff's twat to get a sexual rush, Harry?"
"Ah, no... so sorry," the prince uttered and ran away.
"Thanks for nothing," said the princess wearily. "Rotten necrophile."
2nd - Larry Brash with:
DEAR LARRY BRASH,
CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES, AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF TWENTY MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ($20 M U.S.) INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.
THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED, COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.
WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS, AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT, THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 60% FOR US, 30% FOR YOU AND 10% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENTAL TO THE TRANSFER.
THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (N.N.P.C.). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL FAX TO YOU A FOREIGN CONTRACTORS APPLICATION FORM, WHICH YOU WILL HAVE TO COMPLETE AND FAX BACK TO US.
THIS BUSINESS WILL TAKE US TWENTY-ONE (21) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH. FOR SECURITY REASONS, MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THIS PROPOSAL STRICTLY TO YOURSELF THAT IS DO NOT DISCUSS WITH A THIRD PARTY. ON YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF THIS PROPOSAL, I WILL SEND YOU MY PERSONAL TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBERS ON THE NEXT STEP THAT IS REQUIRED. REPLY URGENTLY,
REGARDS,
CHIEF JOSEPH OBOH
=
Dear Chief Oboh,
Thank you for an extremely considerate, interesting email regarding a truckload of cash that I would make on this deal.
30 percent? WOW! That's six million buckaroos just for little old me! Sixty six thousand bananas would be quite a winner for me! An excellent cash spinner! The fun I'd have with that! Wait until I tell our friends I'll soon be a millionaire! Poor assholes, they'll be so envious!
Now, are you sure that's a legal plan? It sounded a bit dodgy to me. Quite possibly things are done in a far different way in your country. Sorry, I don't want to patronise or sound a racist.
Being a very cautious applicant, I thought that I'd check things for accuracy first before making a commitment to the plan. I've vaguely heard of Nigerian scams, cons or stuff before, but from your email, it sounds so professional, so genuine, so attractive.
I had a look at http://www.crimes-of-persuasion.com/ They had quite a few con stories, and funny cases that warn of people ripped off, beaten up or even killed. You can't believe a word that you read on the Internet! Who are these scornful creeps? What sort of non-stop crap can they concoct to scare people off overseas investments? These unsophisticated people hate entrepreneurs! I suspect their narrow misinterpretations are discourteous, contrary or psychotic. An extraordinary affront!
We should transact this very holy loan as soon as possible. You'd want exact financial details to transfer the tons of cash? My account number is: NP-1100-NN-2026-A.
Larry Brash
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Did you ever see the television show about the masked magician
who revealed how the magic tricks worked?
There was a huge backlash from magicians all over the country because one guy was giving away their secrets and ruining the tricks! Well, that's what I'm doing.
Internet Millionaires are going nuts because I've decided to show people how we've easily made our fortunes. They think this is going to ruin them, but I know there is enough to go around for everyone who wants it!
So, I said "to heck with them" and I decided to reveal all of the money making secrets used by the most successful Internet Moguls in the business AND guarantee that these tips can make you $1,000 in cold hard cash in 15 days or less!
His method works!
=
Dear Nitwit Spammer
What will you do with the wealth, the money? Here are some of the wittiest suggestions from the devotees of alt.anagrams:
Rent a huge chicken costume, and wander round the streets and suburbs of Washington DC (the White House, too) making clucking noises. (David Bourke)
Achieve the purchase of cute mouse-like actress Winona Ryder's two ovaries (with 115,000 eggs). Or steal them. (Larry Brash)
Discover how to give head like an emotional gigolo eunuch. (Mick Tully)
Convince George W. Bush to stand aside, and admit the election was won by the enemy: Al Gore. (David Green)
Get a gun - shoot it - use it wisely - suicide is painless... (Mey K.)
Huh? Dunno. Oh! Save the bittern? (Dick 'Einstein' Silk)
Kiss my hairy ass! Cheerio! (Adrian H.)
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Colors
2nd - David A. Green with:
"In a right-angled triangle the square on the hypotenuse
is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides"
=
Pythagoras' theorem: therein he quotes his delightful, quite elegant,
equations to show truth, sense and reason.
3rd - David Bourke with:
In 1902 Frederick Opper created a comic about two Frenchmen who
couldn't get through a door without a frenzy of politeness:
'After you, my dear Alphonse.' 'No, after you, my dear Gaston.' They pretty much vanished after 1910 but the phrase 'Alphonse and Gaston' is still in the larger dictionaries as a term for two people showing extreme politeness to each other, like two baseball outfielders each deferring to the other and letting the ball fall between them.
=
Check out this true-life story:
Seems in about 1901/1902 two wordy naff old twits, Zoran and David, couldn't agree about who exactly should get the 'Nom' for:
Napoleon Bonaparte = "No, not appear on Elba." / "To appear on Elba, non?"
The latter gem, it was agreed, represented a slight style-shift, yet it seems the Chief 'Nom' Referee, Doctor Laurence Brash, chose instead to killfile the friggin' pair of them, thus awarding the trophy free to Mr. Michael Tully. ("Er, who he, the creep?")
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jaybur with:
Saddam Hussein =
UN's said he's mad.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Princess Margaret Rose, Countess of Snowdon =
Crown rests in peace, to sad songs of mourners.
eq.3rd - David Bourke with:
Napoleon Bonaparte =
To appear on Elba, non?
eq.3rd - Matjaz Pihler with:
Eddie Murphy =
I'm hyper-dude.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
International Space Station =
It is not a pleasant container.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Tate Gallery, London =
Only old, elegant art.
3rd - Phil Carmody with:
Quadrature Amplitude Modulation =
Our ultra-antiquated dialup modem.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
American comedian Steven Wright's trademark is
his brilliant dour-faced delivery and remarkably calm, off-the-wall approach to comedy.
2nd - James H. Young with:
The 100 Questions Used by the
United States Immigration and Naturalization Service Examiners in Citizenship Test
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
An excerpt
from The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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