Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2002

All the highly-placed anagrams from the January 2002 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A carton of cigarettes =
I got a taste for cancer.

2nd - Tom Myers with:
Adult novels =
Love and lust!

eq.3rd - Allan Morley with:
The democratic process =
Crap choice deters most.

eq.3rd - Matjaz Pihler with:
Nanosecond =
Can end, soon!

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - David A. Green with:
Japanese sport of Sumo Wrestling =
Lot of gross men just wear nappies.

2nd - Jaybur with:
French Impressionist Pierre Auguste Renoir =
Uses sheer paint for picture mirroring Seine.

3rd - Jeff Roy with:
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire =
Portray battle of frightened hero.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Prince Harry Admits He Smoked Pot Regularly =
Royal drug-party is held? Man, the empire rocks!

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
New South Wales bushfires ~
burn whilst a few use hoses.

eq.3rd - Allan Morley with:
Tetrahydrocannabinol =
N.B. Harry contained a lot.

eq.3rd - Tom Myers with:
Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's, dies =
I sensed why -- man devoured fast food.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
You look rather nice in that dress =
(Or: "Thank you, Lord! I can see her tits!")

2nd - Lardy Girl with:
Sixty-nine =
Sexy, innit?

3rd - David A. Green with:
Under the age of consent =
Fourteen? No decent shag.

THE SPAM CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
Dear friend:

This is an invitation to visit our Homepage that is linked to the FREE Internet publication, THE WISE SHALL UNDERSTAND. Chapter one is entitled "Daniel 12 Revealed." Daniel 12 was NOT to be understood "until the end of the days." It is now unfolded after more than 2,500 years by using a special "key" found in Genesis 2:4; Daniel 12 carries important warnings concerning last-day deception.

Our Internet provider is frequently off-line, so please print this letter to preserve the following address where you can access this on-line publication:

HTTP://MAINFRAM.CTAZ.COM/PUBLIC/DANIEL12/HOMEPAGE.HTM

We know that there are many thinking people who are not happy with popular religion and are seeking greater truth. Please ask God for guidance as you study this material. It is of no cost to you, but we feel He would have us publish this last-day message in printed form for those unable to read it on the Internet. If you agree that it has a special message for this time, we would appreciate any contribution in U.S. funds to help with its publication. Make your check payable to ONE-WAY MINISTRIES. And mail to:

Charles and Tish Clever
One-Way Ministries
P.O. Box 432
Talihina, OK 74571, U.S.A.

Your friends in God's service,
Charles and Tish Clever

In the beginning God created the Net.

And the Net was without form, and useful; and the Holy Spirit lurked across the face of the screen.

And God said, Make money fast; and God saw the money, that it was good. This was the first spam.

God sent, Be a Millionaire In One Year! (Initial outlay one cent!); it was the second spam.

God sent, UNIQUE FAT-BURNING ROUTINE! To learn more, visit us here at sulphuric-acid.net!; it was the third spam.

God sent, BECOME A LICENSED MINISTER! BAPTIZE BABIES OR MARRY PEOPLE! ALL LEVELS UP TO POPE NOW AVAILABLE!; it was the fourth spam.

God sent, *ENLARGE YOUR PENIS IN MERE HOURS!!!!!*
ALL YOU NEED IS A CORVETTE WITH A ROPE!
IT REALLY WORKS!!!!!; it was the fifth spam.

God sent,
!!!!K*I*N*K*Y S*I*L*I*C*O*N*E P*O*R*N!!!!
--HOT TEEN BIKINI PARTY!
--PETITE ORIENTAL MAIDS!
--POPULAR CELEBRITIES NAKED!
--NIPPLE PICNIC!
--TERRIFIC HORNY TEEN GIRLS!
!!!!C*L*I*C*K H*E*R*E!!!!
And God saw the silicone porn, that it was bountifully cruel and unusual; it was the sixth spam.

On the seventh day God rested, as a result of punitive action by trinity.com.

Online again soon after due to the leniency of a terrestrial ISP, He finally saw the full flower of His creation, each insipid, sinister snake He had nurtured to overrun Paradise; yea verily and He cried out in a profound voice "Oh, shit."

eq.2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dear Windows User,

Now you can boost the reliability of ordinary Windows 95, 98 and ME to nearly the level of Windows NT or 2000, Microsoft's professional and industrial version of Windows.

The new WinFix is a very effective way to improve the reliability of Windows, because it makes Windows fault-tolerant and self-repairing.

And WinFix is very safe, because it operates completely independent of Windows.

CLICK HERE to find out more about WinFix, the safest, most effective way to keep you working, by keeping your PC working non-stop.

Arlen Dixon, CEO
Pinewood Software Marketing

Dear new i-Mac owner

Congratulations on your purchase of a fine, exceptional computer, i.e. the best offer ever, a beefy G5, now with nifty Mac OSX, an excellent operating system, top one in the known wide world today.

I'd avoid it if you like Microsoft's iffy, bug-ridden, poor, weak excuse of an operating system, Windows, full of foibles and errors, known to crash often (fine, if several times a day).

Oops, no! Bad idea!

We know your Mac will never disappoint. It is very different to Windows. We know it is very stable, we know it is reliable, and is definitely not prone to Windows www virus shit.

eq.2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Recieving over 1.5 billion page views per month, Ebay is the ULTIMATE venue for selling virtually any goods and making huge profits with almost no effort.

But you have to know what to sell and how to sell. That's where Ebay Marketing 2001 comes in.

This manual provides you with easy to understand and detailed instructions for maximizing your profits with selling strategies that are PROVEN WINNERS. This manual provides you with easy to understand and detailed instructions for maximizing your profits with selling strategies that are PROVEN WINNERS.

This information will make you $1000's on Ebay. Although this book was based on eBay auctions, the overall information will work for ALL online auctions. Ebay Marketing 2001 teaches you effective SELLING STRATEGIES and you don't need any specialized computer knowledge. I'm going to pass on the SECRET SELLING TECHNIQUES that I use each and every day to bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars selling my products on internet auctions.

THE INTERNET CAN BE YOUR GOLDMINE!

----------------------------------

Why aren't you digging out the gold? Because you don't have the right tools.

For more information e-mail: joshabrahams@dr.com/ "info" in the subject header.

Are you bored by unvarying, irritating, uninformative Internet spam and all it enthusiastically pretends to grant us? Troubled by intrusive requests to solve every problem or improve your situation at just one button's click?

Oh yes.

So, instead of wading through further aggravating inanity and triviality, I reproduce for you a selection of haiku to enjoy, some famous, some not so:

in the cicada's cry
no sign can foretell
how soon it must die

Poverty's child -
she starts to grind some rice,
and gazes at the moon.

a lovely thing to see:
through the paper window's hole,
the Galaxy.

window
wiping to find
winter's face

A sudden shower falls -
and naked I am riding
on a naked horse!

leaf drifts slowly down
Father Time takes one more step
towards vapid winter

behold the ego
set in glowing emptiness
on the edge of time

wisteria vines ambush -
killing all they touch
so beautifully

night, and the moon!
my neighbour, playing on his flute -
out of tune!

lying on my back
a column of exhaled steam
rises to the moon

I kill an ant
and realize my two children
have been watching.

in an urban realm
I discover a tigress
grazing on mulberries

a cautious youth -
hesitant - holds
new stiletto heels.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Allan Morley with:
Death of a Whale [version 1]

2nd - David Bourke with:
CLONING FEAR AS ARTHRITIS AFFECTS DOLLY

Dolly the cloned sheep has developed arthritis, amid fears that the cloning process is responsible for the early onset of the disease. Professor Ian Wilmut - who helped pioneer Dolly's birth - has said the process may have caused genetic defects. He has called for research to establish the impact of cloning on animal welfare. Cloning techniques may have to be refined to reduce the risk of genetic defects, he says.

Famed big-chested Country 'n' Western singer Dolly Parton has developed arthritis. Professor Kenny Rogers - who is, I feel, chiefly to blame for her celebrated musical successes - has said he hopes, in effect, to scientifically create a clone of the artist. This may raise a sense of the quite alarming prospect of these two obese, old-as-the-hills, high-heeled, top-heavy, deaf old trollops, hand-in-hand, face-to-face, screeching "D.I.V.O.R.C.E" and "Islands In The Stream". Help!!

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Santi Spadaro with:
George and Usama =
A dangerous game.

2nd - Mick Tully with: [Darts champion]
Martin Adams =
I'm a darts man.

3rd - Jaybur with:
The Post Impressionist artist Paul Gauguin =
O, sun's up! I must paint Tahiti girl's great pose!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

eq.1st - David A. Green with:
Listerine antiseptic mouthwash =
Triumph! It can sweeten halitosis.

eq.1st - John Tezel with:
Fairways Hotel =
Stay for a while.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Budweiser - The King of Beers =
Weekends of true gibberish.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
MACAVITY: THE MYSTERY CAT by T.S. Eliot

2nd - Walter Newboldt with:
CLONING FEAR AS ARTHRITIS AFFECTS DOLLY

DAVID BOURKE CLONING FEAR

Panic sets in as scientists accidentally clone the puerile schlep from england. Ancient prophesy of the fathers foresees high doom! When the two childish creatures come together society shall heavily collapse in a heap of infinite obscenity, offence, cheap foolishness! Art totally destroyed via bomb! world leaders declare crisis! Defeats regiment headquarters! He made death threats! Food shortages! Sheriffs helpless!

LARRY BRASH CLONING FEAR

Oh hell, another stupid scientist clones wretched Larry Brash too! Now there are two vain, meddlesome psychiatrists perverting the brains of helpless australian patients! Effects of the eerie act equal: civilisation falls, ships/bicycles collide, economy defeated, eerie genocide, anarchy, good harmony fails, hedgehog stampede, honest heroes molested, the dead rise! Heck, fetch the scaffold! Thousands flee off in spaceships!

DAN FORTIER CLONING FEAR

Ah, another psycho scientist clones Dan Fortier! The harsh senseless act spells doom for the people of earth as the evil twin wreaks havoc! Behold, meteorites heading for city in ashes! Squads of police officers helpless! Deadly damage to the entire planet! Hysterical public screeches in high fear! Hound, ostrich, wolf, toad, and sheep mutate! Fascist regimes elected! Chilling fatal scenes - tremble! Everyone is dead by friday! Shoo!

RADISAVLEVIC CLONING FEAR

Heedless of the genetic warnings, careless scientists clone another hurtful creep! Now he can repeat himself even MORE easily!!!!!!!!!
These filthy effects: prisoners escape, goldfish uprising, chiefs baffled, eerie hardship, damp weather, hostile health, earth toasted by headlong asteroid! NATO called in to slay the deadly clone, forced to destroy most of serbia in quest! Hopeless - they can't catch him, OK? (Poor soldiers!) hm, bad fiasco!

YOUNG CLONING FEARS

These danish scientists clone the local hotheaded recorder player! Mr Young himself's the first victim as the deadly genetic clone suffocates him with his own recorder! Goes on to escape, slay all the shepherds, preachers, officials, labradors, teachers, kittens, heathens, psychiatrists, beetles! Appalling scenes! The police squad is baffled, defeated for ever! Frantic weather! Heed if hoodoo! Famine! Air poisoned by venom! Total hell!

eq.3rd - Richard Grantham with:
Renditions of two sonnets by Wordsworth, one of his best and one of his worst.

eq.3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Douglas Malloch: Be The Best of Whatever You Are

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