Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2003

All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 2003 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
Frederic Chopin's F sharp minor Polonaise =
Polish-French piano composer is rare find.

2nd - David A. Green with:
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre =
A man with axe chases actress.

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Howard Stern Live =
Worse than drivel!

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adrian Hickford with:
Admiral Horatio Nelson =
A national hero, milords.

2nd - Zoran Radisavlevic with: [Hellas - name for ancient Greece]
Achilles =
Hellasic!

3rd - David A. Green with:
The Colombian drugs trafficker Pablo Escobar =
Cartel boss: he'd grab a profit from bulk cocaine.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Richard Grantham with:
Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome =
Uproar over recent mystery disease.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome =
No curing of my tired aches.

3rd - Jaybur with:
The Association for the Study of Obesity =
So fat is bad, then: our society is hefty too!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon, zeta, eta, theta, iota, kappa, lambda, mu, nu, xi, omicron, pi, rho, sigma, tau, upsilon, phi, chi, psi, omega. =
I'll aim to applaud this amazing Greek alphabet. Text, in common use, might appear as: "euthanasia", "utopia", "phobia", "diploma", "coma".

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. (Clarence Seward Darrow) =
Once considered it wry babble, but God, I swear - now that I'm in power, I can only admit it's a well-observed adage! (Cheney)

3rd - David A. Green with:
'Venomous Creatures of Australia: A Field Guide with Notes on First Aid' by Struan K. Sutherland =
I gather it's full of enormous snakes and various awful, dreaded critters that bite you in anus.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
The TRUE Story of The Three Little Pigs (As told by the Wolf)

Today a Wolf took the stand in his own defense. This shocked the media who predicted he would not testify in the brutal double murder trial. The wolf is accused of killing (and eating) The First Little Pig and The Second Little Pig. This criminal trial is expected to be followed by a civil trial to be brought by the surviving Third Little Pig. The case has been characterized as a media circus.

His testimony is transcribed below:

"Everybody knows the story of the Three Little Pigs. Or at least they think they do. But I'll let you in on a little secret. Nobody knows the real story, because nobody has ever heard my side of the story. I'm Alexander T. Wolf. You can call me Al. I don't know how this whole Big Bad Wolf thing got started, but it's all wrong. Maybe it's because of our diet. Hey, it's not my fault wolves eat cute little animals like bunnies and sheep and pigs. That's just the way we are. If cheeseburgers were cute, folks would probably think you were Big and Bad too. But like I was saying, the whole big bad wolf thing is all wrong. The real story is about a sneeze and a cup of sugar.

THIS IS THE REAL STORY.

=

One day, I was baking this nice big blueberry pie to give to a friend, Al Fresco. I had a ghastly, snitchy cold. There was no sugar left. So I walked down the street to the neighbors to try and borrow some.

The first neighbor's house was skillfully made of straw! Can you believe it? When I knocked the door, it fell in. My nose started to itch, and I sneezed a mighty sneeze. Oh boy! The house blew down into a pile of hay. In the centre of this was a little porker. Dead. Sorry? Sure. But hell, face it, nobody would miss out on a good dinner. I ate him.

The next house was built of sticks. But then, ATISHOO! It came down just like the first. So there it was, Second Little Pig, dead. Sadly. But what is a feller to do but eat?

Then I got to the brick place. But that silly Little Pig yelled 'Stay away!' I thought I'd better leave and turn back. But then the little devil yells out 'Go away! Get lost, hillbilly!' Well! I got cross. I went ballistic. The cop cars drove up as I was trying to break down the door.

The rest is history.

The cynical press believed my 'sugar' story was unexciting, and they wrote all that 'huff and puff' rubbish. THEY labelled ME, mister reliable, Big Bad Wolf. Get the picture?

I WAS FRAMED."

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
SIZE AND STAMINA DO MATTER More Than You Can Possibly Imagine!!

She is just trying to spare your feelings by telling you otherwise. DON'T WAIT UNTIL SHE IS GONE TO FIND OUT THAT YOU COULDN'T SATISFY HER!!! INTRODUCING, THE FIRST ALL-IN-ONE Male Performance Enhancer AND Penis Enlargement WITH THE TRADEMARKED SWEDISH INGREDIENT CERNITIN. Standard Results Include:

PENIS ENLARGEMENT GIRTH. 0.25" up to 2" LENGTH. 1" up to 3.25" MALE PERFORMANCE ENHANCER STAMINA. Up to 74% harder erections, this will help contribute to longer sexual experiences. CLIMAX. From 7 to 26 physical penile contractions during orgasm. The average male experiences between 4 and 7. LIBIDO. Enhanced feelings and stimulated sexual arousal combine to increase desire. RECOVERY. Faster recovery time means more sex more often.

THE FIRST AND ONLY PRODUCT OF IT'S KIND.SPECIAL $33 PRICING AVAILABLE FOR A LIMITED TIME! MILLIONS OF BOTTLES SOLD WORLDWIDE. 100% SAFE - NO SIDE EFFECTS 100% ALL NATURAL - RECOMMENDED BY DOCTORS!

=

My Penis Log!

Day 1

The pills are here!!! The Fed Ex man ogled at me like I'm some sort of creep, but I couldn't care less. I popped 2 pills after lunch, gulped 6 liters of cider and ran 70 times in one circle, just as the instructions told me. XXL briefs, here I come!

Day 3

Still 5 inches. Running in circles left me sick. It's a bit eerie, I don't recall I had four nipples.

Day 7

I'm now primarily limping and falling over.
Reread the ingredients; it contains 'Lots of cat hair'. Did I overdose?

Day 10

I'm three-legged!... Well, mainly since I now have a leg instead of an arm. At least I don't fall over so often. No growth, but when I urinate, it comes out in some strange fluorescent colour.

Dya 23

snoozed for ten hours; can't get an erection. I'm not bitter, but I can't be alert for more than

yda 2.245/4

sleepy -- penis needs ambulance

Day 30

I grew an extra inch!!! ER surgeons borrowed tissues from the new ArmLeg to rescue the teeny, mutated penis, and after the transplant, I got a minor annex! 100% success, indeed!!!

Thanx, anonymous spammer!

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Two celestial poems

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Montparnasse

3rd - David Bourke with:
'My Way' - Frank Sinatra