Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2004

All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2004 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Toby Gottfried with:
November second, two thousand four =
And we counted Morons-for-Bush vote.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The elections in November, Two Thousand Four =
Dolt runs the nation if we vote 'Bush' once more.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Human cloning debate is re-ignited =
I match DNA, engineering its double.

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Bill Clinton, the former president of the USA =
On reflection, I'd still prefer the man to Bush!

2nd - David Bourke with:
The singer Tina Turner =
Rather uninteresting.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Singer Marie Osmond ~
is a 'designer-Mormon'.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Microsoft Internet Explorer =
Expect online terrors from it.

2nd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
The Anagrammy Award Competition =
I wait to compare Grantham and Mey.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'Mein Kampf''s political and social theories =
Adolf Hitler's policies: maniac makes point.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Mad Hatter's question to Alice: "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?" =
Ah, I got it! I created an answer: "It seems the two have inky-dark quills!"

2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
The number Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter =
Archimedes' correct claim, "In brief, 'three' is off. I compute it true to Athene."

eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
"All I want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air" =
We mean fair lady's emotional wish for warmth... large chair too.

eq.3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Yasser Arafat flown to Hopital d'Instruction des Armees de Percy in France. =
A fancy theory is... Palestinians' world-famous President treated for cancer.

THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

This month's challenge was to anagrammatically answer the question,
"Who, you may ask, will be the next American President?"

1st - Richard Grantham with:
I expect Dubya has won: a new term is more than likely.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Actually, we semi-want Kerry. He isn't a dim xenophobe.

3rd - Allan Morley with:
A Republican who likes money and the extremist way.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Jaybur with:
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.

The bartender says, "But you're a duck."

"Yep, that is very true," says the duck.

"And you talk, too!" exclaims the bartender.

"Indeed I do," says the duck, "I'd like a large beer, and one of your finest sandwiches."

"Certainly," says the bartender, "it's just we don't get to see too many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around these parts?"

"I'm working for a builder in this area," replies the duck.

So then the duck has his beer and sandwich, pays up and leaves.

One day, the ringleader of a circus comes into the pub, and the bartender tells him about his clever friend, the talking duck.

"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "ask him to come over and see me."

The next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, you're in luck. I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the duck, "where?"

"At the circus," says the bartender.

"The circus?"

"That's right," replies the bartender.

"That place with all those animals? With the great big tent?"

"Yes, that's right," says the bartender.

The duck looks confused.

"So what do they want with a plasterer?"

=

This duck walks into a crowded city pub and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says "No, sir." The duck says, "Cheers!" and leaves.

The next day the duck is back in the pub. He says, "I'm curious. Are you certain you don't have any fruit left? Such as juicy little grapes, by any chance?" The bartender says no, and the duck goes away.

Two days later, the duck's back. He walks up to the bar, and sees the bartender. "Hello, I'm here again, bartender! Might you have some nice fresh grapes to cheer me up this evening?"

This irritates the bartender, Harry, who's extremely tired and wound up, and he loses his composure at this juncture. He starts to twitch: he's boiling mad. He screams at the duck, "Listen to me, you wretched, scrawny little bird! You heard me! I told you no, I didn't, and if you keep asking me, I will nail both your thick, webbed feet to the floor, OK?"

The duck seems a little startled at his reaction and hurries away.

Despite this, the duck returns a day later. He walks up to the bar and asks the bartender, "Got any nails?"

The bartender replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"

2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Seven Ages of Woman

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Statue of Liberty Inscription:

...Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me: I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

Emma Lazarus

=

Michael Moore's pledge:

Voting George Bush is to hammer home the Final Nail in the Coffin of Freedom.
It's easy to be deterred but send us useless, lazy people to surrender the settee; to do their supreme duty.

Destroy terrorism my way or the US may die.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Brodie with:
Shakespeare's 17th sonnet anagrammed five different ways, with an additional constraint

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Shakespeare's 76th sonnet anagrammed into a paraphrase (up to a point), its theme being the Baconian controversy

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam;
And loud was his mirth,
For he knew that on Earth,
There were only two balls and he had 'em!
=
Wicked madam, aware of God's plan,
Determinedly takes him in hand;
Hey, why aim to enthral?
When a hand round these balls,
Gets her total control of her man!